His Story
I've decided to write a letter
To everyone who ever told me that I wasn't good enough.
It could start off like “dear humanity,”
Because sometimes I feel like the whole world is against me
Or it could start off like “dear parents”
Because I feel like they were the root of all the self doubt that took over my life.
Or it could start off like “dear bullies”
Since they were the ones who kicked me when I was already down
Or maybe it could start off like “dear myself”
Because I could really use a pep talk sometimes
To remind myself that I am worth something
And to say that “you matter.”
You know, if I were to start off my letter like “dear humanity,”
I would say something like “You’re mean.”
Okay, so it’s still a work in progress.
But I would tell humanity all of the reasons that I gave up.
Since it seemed like everywhere I went
Everyone already had some pre-determined judgment of me.
And every time I tried to start new
My world just crumbled back down again
And you know if I were to start off my letter like “dear parents,”
I would definitely start it off with “Thank you for birthing me.”
Because I think that’s important.
But next would probably be “I've always been scared of your judgment
More than the judgment of anyone else.”
Because I feel like letting you down is the worst thing I could do.
And I only ever wanted to make mom and dad happy.
And if I were to start off my letter like “dear bullies”
I would say something along the lines of “You broke me.”
And then I’d say “What did I ever do wrong?
What could I have done to make you like me?
Would you have liked me if I played more sports?
Or if I had sat down with you at lunch?
Or if I had been undeniably straight all of those years?
Would you have liked me if I stopped being who I was?
Because I tried that and you still hated me
So I thought maybe the only answer was killing myself.
But I realized that even if I was gone, I was never going to be good enough for you.
So I let the sticks and the stones and the names hurt me.
Because I thought the definition of the word “enough,”
Didn't include me.
But if I started off my letter like “dear myself,”
I would want it to be uplifting.
It would start off something like “You rock.”
And then it would say “Don’t you dare think
That they were right. You are enough.”
Because then I could read that letter next time I feel down.
And I might feel a little bit better.
And you know, that’s what really sucks about people
Making fun of who you are.
It never leaves you.
It keeps you guessing until there are no more guesses.
Until your time has run out
And there is nothing left of you
Except a voice in your head saying
“You will never be enough.”
And I’m sick of that voice being the only thing I hear.
I want to hear music.
I want to be able to say “I rock.”
So maybe I have a few letters to write.
One to everyone, to tell them that they’re not very nice
For judging me before they knew me.
And one to my parents,
Telling them that although they gave me life
They made me forget how to live it.
And one to the bullies,
To tell them that they were wrong.
Because they have to be wrong.
I won’t let them be right.
And one to myself.
So that I can know that I am enough.
That my story is just my history.
Metaphorically, and literally because the word story
Is at the end of the word history.
And that even though I may have ninety-nine reasons to cry,
I have one hundred and one reasons to smile.
And one hundred and two reasons to laugh.
And they say that laughter is the best medicine.
Sincerely,
The boy who is now stronger.
Copyright © Dennis Stone | Year Posted 2014
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