Heroin
I am 18 years old
I just found out that I spend most of my time sleeping,
I am obsessed with it.
I have lived for 9,460,800 minutes
Most of which I waste on sleep
Sleeping is my personal heroin,
It lets my arms as a pair of wings to fly me to paradise.
When I want to escape from reality,
I shoot it up my veins.
One day, my mom was chatting with her friends,
When they discussed my studies,
I looked down at my shoes while their children smiled smugly.
Their smiles struck my wings like lighting
The path to my paradise began to disappear
I thought I could use my broken wings to open their eyes
so that they would see my true face
But this was just my imagination
I needed a hit so bad that I slept for 3 days
Feeling likes a puppet, no pain as my strings are pulled
My dream leads me into that sense again,
I looked at their lips and heard their words, proudly I say to her friends, “I am better than your child.”
When I awake, I feel my emotions flood back to me stronger than before
When I was in high school,
I worked so hard but I still couldn’t achieve a score to be proud of
When I see my father’s rough hands, I am shamed by my B Grade Paper.
Then I begin to think what I can do for him,
I ask: “DAD! Can I go to get a part-time job?
“No, getting back to your studies!”
I prepared to take another shot of heroin
To help me pretend as if nothing happened
I used to think that sleeping would solve my ailments
But I realized
I realized that I am escaping
Like boxers hide behind their gloves
Like timid warriors escape from the battlefields
These years, I am search in for peace
But opiate feeling blinds my eyes
Copyright © Hanyue Xu | Year Posted 2014
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