7, 3, 10
I questioned my addiction -
I mean, it hasn't been that long,
It hasn't even been that much -
but as my pain came I ran to these pills -
I had become an addict.
Before now the most I'd known was caffeine,
or food - though food was just
an awful coping mechanism
that turned my body into a marshmallow.
This was something different,
One pill, then two, then three and four,
bad days became five or six...
Then one day there was seven.
I walked around like a zombie
in a stupor barely alive.
Somehow this pill that I thought saved me
brought me down,
it turns out too much of this pill...
becomes depression.
But, in my head I thought -
It's not that bad,
not that much,
until I acknowledged what it was,
an addiction.
I thought I'd just stop and try to find out how,
but side effects of just stopping include:
Seizures,
Respitory failure,
Death.
So I made a plan to slowly let it fade.
At first I said I'll go 7, 3, 10...
And on the first day I realized
I have a problem.
My alarm goes off at 7, 3, 10
But 11 am comes and all I can think of
Is when is 3 pm going to get here.
I need this now.
I watch the clock
anticipating its reward more than the end of the day
Or the beginning of vacation.
I truly saw myself at that moment,
I'd lost control.
The irony being that I took these pills for control,
and here I was my chest beating so hard
I feel it how my heart wants to explode,
it controlled me...
Not just my mind,
but my body and soul.
I've always tried to control my life,
not always successfully,
hence this problem.
I had been thrown in the backseat of my life
as I watched my world crumble
and these pills have become the driver...
And I start yelling 7, 3, 10.
I take the wheel,
7, 3, 10.
I don't care how you harass at me,
7, 3, 10.
I don't care if you naw at me,
7, 3, 10.
My world may still be crumbling,
but this I control now,
and you'll remember...
7, 3, 10
Copyright © Louise Picek | Year Posted 2017
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