Living With Walls
I live with four walls around me,
they tell me things about myself
They are like a child with a knife,
taking stabs at me as if my life were a game
I'm unwanted, hideous, unloved,
like a song on replay in my head
The singers are my walls,
couldn't lie so I believe them
Everyone believes in something,
no matter how hopeless
They say I'm worthless,
I'm like a dog who forget how to wag its tail
That everytime I breath I'm stealing air,
that if I cared about anyone I should just give up
My walls are always screaming at me,
never a moment of silence
Every step I take they load a new shot,
I'm bleeding but no one can see
I can only scream on the inside,
to show pain is weakness
I try to explain that what they say hurts too much
They don't understand,
I deserve this and shouldn't complain
At least they talk to me,
silence is a much worse kind of torture
Now they say to take the pretty knife on the counter,
to go to the bathroom with it
Why would I need that,
in the bathroom of all places
They tell me to write what I have always wanted on my arm,
but that will hurt
They say only for a minute,
then everything will stop hurting
Forever
Could it be true,
no more pain ever??
If I do this then I will break away from my wicked walls,
the walls that make every day a battle that I'm losing
Then I think there must be something about me worth saving,
something about me that someone can love
Thats when a do something I know I shouldn't,
as my walls cheer me on
I turn an look in the bathroon mirror,
thats when I see the self centered, worthless, horrible person my walls were
telling me about
What was I thinking,
how could anyone love that thing I see there
Staring back at me,
reminding me that my walls always speak the truth
I pick up the knife,
but a little voice says no
I look all around for the voice
That would want to save a thing like me,
it must be blind
Then I hear it again,
its a boy
He tells me I'm beautiful,
he says I'm loved and I can't go
I have to stay for him,
he will love me forever
I try to go to him,
but my walls wouldn't let me go that easy
They chant he's a liar,
that no one can love a heartless shrew like me
They beat me down,
until thinking about moving hurts
But they don't know
I'm my own savour
I pick myself back up,
I tell them to leave and they do
Just like everyone I love does
Copyright © Susan Mcalexander | Year Posted 2014
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