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My Uncle Gladys

Have you heard about my renowned uncle, Gladys
Who by sexual makeup had an Aunt’s status.

Well, he or she, you can use whatever you want;
Like I just said, this uncle is loosely an aunt.

Anyways, she had to remove all her mirrors,
Since she said, each of them made too many errors.

She claimed that they never reflected her splendor;
While we thought, they couldn’t decide on a gender.

In any case, she seemed a hallucination,
But Aunty was more of an amalgamation.

And if you dared to ask most people’s opinion,
They’d say she was pieced from the animal kingdom.

She smiled like a jackal and grinned like a badger,
And her lips resembled those of a fly catcher.

Her frizzy head of hair, was pin-striped like a skunk’s,
And her mammoth nose swung like an elephant’s trunk.

Her eyes were as piercing as that of a boa,
Or any old reptile collected by Noah.

We played with her sideburns that were like Wolverines’,
Although our moms made sure we got extra vaccines

See, Gladys had kindness in a strong manly way,
With her big old bear hug that could crush a Steinway.

We must admit, Gladys had some fine attributes,
That may show up some day in oddball film tributes.

To be shown nationwide for the weird and plucky,
But my cousins and I would still think it’s yucky.

Anyhow, it’s time to stop picking on Gladys,
By switching over to her only son, Alice.  

David Fisher, 11/22/14, iambic hexameter,
For Giorgio's contest

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