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Outhouse Blues

Once upon an outhouse dreary, while I strained there, lank and leery
Of creatures scary down beneath the privy floor--
When my veins were close to popping, suddenly there came a whopping
Rush of air, but nothing dropping, dropping from my nethers sore,
“'Tis a precursor,” I muttered, “popping like the thunder's roar--
Only this and nothing more!”

Ah, distinctly I remember - it was in a warm September;
For toilet paper, I dismember the flyer from the hardware store.
Eagerly I wished for passing - that which had been amassing
In my bowels far surpassing - any gassing heretofore 
A volume foul and shameless to deplore
Nameless here for evermore

Then, methought the air grew smelly, perfumed from my askew belly
The fumes of kimchee from the deli, like the breath of Balthazor 
“Wretch,” I cried, “as God hath bent me—by what devils hath he sent thee?
Respite – respite! No more! Some substantial output,  I implore!
Heed, oh heed this burning need I'm yearning for!”
Shall I potty... Nevermore?

August 23, 2015
With apologies to EAP

Copyright © Roy Jerden


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  1. Date: 8/25/2015 3:45:00 PM

    hahaha. Thanks for calling our attention to this one at the blog. AWESOME parody!
  1. Date: 8/23/2015 12:56:00 PM

    Potty on! Truly enjoyed the format though the subject stank. Kidding... CayCay
  1. Date: 8/23/2015 12:42:00 PM

    I love your sense of humour Roy - this made me laugh out loud - great poop poem:-) hugs Jan xx