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Fictitious line

Smokes
of cigarettes
and mugs
full of coffee,
next
to the fictitious line
where the eddy
of words
leans against
and nods,
wounded,
to my silence.

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  1. Date: 5/28/2013 8:40:00 AM

    Excellent
  1. Date: 12/26/2008 10:41:00 PM

    Nice write.... *Breana
  1. Date: 12/21/2008 3:04:00 AM

    This creates a great imagery. It works, on one level, as a photograph and as another as a painting. The words capture the colours well and there is nothing that drowns out the moment. My only doubt is the use of 'my' in the final line. I don't think that the flow of the poem would be unsettled if that syllable was removed and I think that it would be a good summary of the narrative if the line read to silence' instead. I might be wrong though!
  1. Date: 12/20/2008 8:28:00 PM

    Great write, very interesting use of words, I liked this. Welcome to the soup! Keep it up! blessings, ~Michaela~

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