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Best Randy Johnson Poems

Below are the all-time best Randy Johnson poems as chosen by PoetrySoup members

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Details | Randy Johnson Poem

The Craigslist Thrill Killers

Elytte and Miranda Barbour murdered a man just to get a thrill.
It is always very stupid and senseless when people kill.
They said they killed him because they wanted to kill someone together.
If you're wondering when they'll get out of prison, the answer is never.
They pled guilty to Second Degree Murder and other charges and got life.
Elytte will never be able to kill another person and neither will his wife.
When Troy LaFerrara answered the Barbours Craigslist ad, he didn't know he was in danger.
While in court, LaFerrara's loved ones were very furious and they expressed their anger.
The Barbours are only 22 and 19, they're young enough to be my kids.
If they were my children, I wouldn't forgive them for what they did.

(This is a true story about Elytte and Miranda Barbour who murdered Troy LaFerrara.)


Details | Randy Johnson Poem

How To Avoid Overeating This Thanksgiving

The perfect way to avoid overeating this Thanksgiving is to put super glue on your lips.
If you're not able to eat your Thanksgiving dinner, it can't go straight to your hips.
That's the perfect way to avoid overeating this Thanksgiving.
But if you can't get your lips unstuck, one week later you'll no longer be living.


Details | Randy Johnson Poem

I Can't Stop The Bleeding

My daughter is dying and as I'm praying, I'm pleading.
She has been stabbed and I can't stop the bleeding.
An ambulance is on its way but it may not arrive in time.
My daughter wouldn't put out so her boyfriend committed this crime.
If you're wondering how many other people he'll stab, the answer is none.
I'm so enraged that I blew his sorry head off with my sawed off shotgun.
My daughter just died and tears are rolling down my face.
She died for being a respectable girl and it's a disgrace.

(This is a fictional poem)


Details | Randy Johnson Poem

Bonnie and Clyde

They were bank robbers and their names were Bonnie and Clyde.
They robbed banks in six states until 1934 when they both died.
In addition to robbing banks, they also robbed stores and service stations.
They killed thirteen people, they were dangerous and caused devastation.
In 1933 the dangerous duo teamed up with Clyde's Sister-In-Law and her husband, Buck.
Clyde's brother was killed four months later and Bonnie and Clyde soon ran out of luck.
The next year they were driving on a road in Louisiana and they didn't know they were in danger.
They were ambushed and killed by a posse that was lead by a Texas Ranger.
The posse fired one hundred and sixty-seven rounds and Bonnie and Clyde were hit fifty times.
They were deadly murderers and thieves but they ended up paying for their dastardly crimes.

(This is a true story about Clyde Barrow and Bonnie Parker who were killed on May 23, 1934.)


Details | Randy Johnson Poem

I'm Superman

I'm an alien from Krypton and I'm able to fly.
I'm Superman and bullets don't make me die.
Bombs, tanks and nuclear weapons can't kill me either, I'm invulnerable.
I save at least fifty people every day, that's amazing and it's pretty cool.
Usually, the only thing that can kill me is Kryptonite.
But I did die when Doomsday and I had a massive fight.
We beat each other to death but I was able to return.
My death made many cry, I was touched by their concern.
I have X-ray vision and I can see through everything except lead.
Lex Luthor hates my guts and he says he won't rest until I'm dead.
Last week there was a forest fire and I put it out with my ice breath.
When I got through blowing on that fire, there was none of it left.
I can also make laser beams come out of my eyes.
When people see me, they say "There's the man who flies."
I have a girl who I love more than life itself, her name is Lois Lane.
When I'm Superman, she's nice but when I'm Clark Kent, she's a pain.
Some people call me a miracle but I don't think that's true.
If you're ever in danger, just call my name and I'll save you.

(This poem is based on the DC Comic Book that was created by Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster.)


Details | Randy Johnson Poem

I wish your death was just a dream

I wish that your death turned out to only be a bad dream.
Your demise makes me feel like I'm coming apart at the seams.
I wish that I would wake up and realize that it was only a nightmare.
But you really are gone forever and it proves that my life is unfair.
If I could wake up, I would be so pleased and it would be great.
Your death hurts so bad that at times I can't even think straight.
I've heard other people say how bad their loved ones deaths hurt them.
But a man doesn't know how bad it really is until it happens to him.
The Lord decided to call you home even though I asked him not to.
I wish your death was just a dream because I would still have you.

[Dedicated to Agnes Johnson (1948-2013) who passed away on March 6, 2013.]


Details | Randy Johnson Poem

I kissed another girl

(This is a fictional poem)

When I kissed another girl, word got back to you.
You slapped my face and told me that we're through.
Most kisses taste pretty sweet but that kiss was tart.
Now I'm all alone nursing a broken heart.
Kissing that girl was foolish and it was a mistake.
But I'll make it up to you no matter how long it takes.
I can't go on if our love is at an end.
If you'll take me back, I'll never look at another woman again.
You're the only woman who I want to be with.
So I'm on my knees begging you to forgive.


Details | Randy Johnson Poem

Chihuahua - Part IV

I've loved Agnes ever since the day that I got her.
She's the closest thing that I have to a daughter.
Since 1990, she's the only female dog that I've had.
When my former female dog died, it was very sad.

I named her after Mom and that makes her special indeed.
Agnes is a full stock Chihuahua dog, that is her breed.
She's special and unique, there can never be another.
Because she's named Agnes, it's like having a small part of my mother.

(Dedicated to Agnes, my Chihuahua dog.)


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Foul Mouth Parrot

I bought a parrot but he has a foul mouth.
I let him loose so that he could fly South.
But he came home again.
This proves that I can't win.
He says the F word two hundred times a day.
He offends everybody and drives them away.
Nobody will take this bird even though I offer to pay them.
I'm going out of my mind, it looks like I'm stuck with him.
I have the only parrot on Earth that's a sinner.
If he doesn't shut up, he's going to be my dinner.

(This is a fictional poem)


Details | Randy Johnson Poem

I still feel lost

Even though you've been gone for a year and a half, at times I still feel lost without you.
When I feel this way, it's so sad and I don't know what I'm going to do.
While you were on your deathbed, I asked God for a miracle when I prayed.
But he still took you after you had been my mother for over four decades.
When somebody has been a big part of your life for that long, it's very painful when they're taken.
When the doctor said you were going to die, I would've given anything if he had been mistaken.
It broke my heart to see you lie in that hospital bed and suffer.
The situation was bad enough but it was bound to get rougher.
Things became much worse when I woke up and saw that you had died.
At times I still feel lost without you and it tears me up on the inside.

[Dedicated to Agnes Johnson (1948-2013) who passed away on March 6, 2013.]


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