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Lisa Hicks Poem
If I had a bottle of pills
I’d dump them out inside my mouth
Take the last few swigs of vodka
And swallow all of them down
If I had a big sharp knife
I’d drag the cold steel across my skin
If I thought for a moment it might
Bring this feeling to an end
I’d stare down the barrel
If I had a gun
Find the trigger with my finger
Pull it and be done
If I had a car
I’d park inside the garage
Leave the motor running
Till the poison filled my lungs
If I had a rope
I’d make myself a noose
Dangle there in my own doorway
Till somebody cut me loose
If I had someone to love
I'd probably treat them bad
Since that's all that I've known
In relationships of the past
If I had a heart in my chest
I'd be able to forgive and forget
But there is nothing left
Of that beating mass of flesh
So I'll just continue
Sitting all alone and in the dark
A typical evening in with the cat
Doesn't seem that bad after all.
Copyright © Lisa Hicks | Year Posted 2011
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Lisa Hicks Poem
Slowly, the hours drag along
As I sit in quiet contemplation
On the horizon sits the dawn
Waiting with measured patience
My thoughts revolve around you
Almost as if I were a satellite
And just like sun, you don't seem to have a clue
That your warm rays bring me to life
And just like the moon
Whose domain is the ocean
Under the command of you
Is the tide of my emotion
It's my entire being that aches
For you to just want me
You don't know how much restraint it takes
To hold it all in and conduct myself calmly
I'm almost too affected by you
But I'll never speak the words as proof
So please do not ask
Copyright © Lisa Hicks | Year Posted 2007
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Lisa Hicks Poem
I remember it now
Not all, but enough
To understand how
I am afraid to accept love
Because some love hurts
Especially the kind you gave
The kind nobody deserves
The kind that plants the seed of hate
It matters little if you feel remorse
Your guilt could never ease my pain
The damage you did cannot be reversed
I still wear the residue of shame
And you will never have my forgiveness
My hatred will be your only companion
As you lie upon your deathbed
Feeling frightened and abandoned
You still won't even have my pity
Pathetic as you are
All you will ever be is what you did to me
As I will always bear these ugly scars
Copyright © Lisa Hicks | Year Posted 2013
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Lisa Hicks Poem
What am I still doing here
This endless line I'm waiting in
Seems to keep getting longer
Yet I'm still at the very end
And I've begun to tire
Of standing at the back of this line
It's not as though I aspire
To be your last choice every time
Always plan B
The back burner queen
Why would I ever think
That this would make me happy
I know it would be useless
To make some dramatic scene
My style is much more elusive
I find cracks to slip between
Slipping away unnoticed
Until one day you run out of plan A's
My absence will then become your focus
But it will already be too late
Copyright © Lisa Hicks | Year Posted 2013
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Lisa Hicks Poem
It is not enough
For you to want to save me
Not even all your love
Could serve to liberate me
So flee from me in fear
Do not allow your emotions to be stirred
Dry your eyes of their empathic tears
They will only leave your vision blurred
For I am a soulless mechanism
seeking only my own gratification
A force of powerful pessimism
My life a result of such manifestation
So sweet of you to offer your light
But my void will blot it out
You can't illuminate the darkness inside
Into the darkness I will drag you down
This isn't who I wanted to be
It's who I've become just the same
Your eyes may be open but you'll never see
And I can no further explain
Copyright © Lisa Hicks | Year Posted 2013
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Lisa Hicks Poem
Tried to resist the temptation
But my will is not that strong
Tried to push you away
But found myself holding on
And now I’ve gone too far
There’s no turning back
It’s all gonna fall apart
So I just live in the this moment
It feels so wrong
My guilt consumes me
You already belong
To somebody that’s not me
Yet still I lie here in your arms
Cause there’s nowhere I’d rather be
I meant to cause no harm
But that’s all I seem to be doing
I’ve always felt so drawn to you
Since the moment that we met
I could tell you felt it too
Couldn’t get the thought out of my head
Or the way your eyes undressed me
From all the way across the room
A look that’s so compelling
What else was I to do
Now I can’t help myself from falling
Though I know how foolish it is
I Try to pretend it’s not her calling
As you switch your phone to silent
But I can’t hide that I’m affected
It’s smeared across my every thing
This secret must be kept one
So it sits inside me festering
And I don’t even have the right to hate you
It isn’t me you’ve been doing wrong
It’s her to which you've been unfaithful
This is something I have known all along
Still my heart aches like it’s broken
I feel like I don’t know myself anymore
Hard to believe this is the path I’ve chosen
I’m nothing more than a home wrecking whore
But even with that knowledge
I can’t keep away from you
Your love provides me with little solace
Only leaves me sad and confused
And though I hurt
Woe is not mine
It belongs to her
The one you call wife…
Copyright © Lisa Hicks | Year Posted 2014
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Lisa Hicks Poem
Look at me Mother
Tell me what you see
Am I just another
Of denial's casualties
This pain I feel
Comes from somewhere deep
It's source is still concealed
A secret that I keep
Though I ache to let it out
Let the bitter tasting words spill from my mouth
I always succumb to my self-doubt
And manage to choke the words back down
I guess I'm just not ready yet
So you can go on assuming
That my state of emotional unrest
Is what I most enjoy pursuing
And for the time being
That really is all that I am doing
Copyright © Lisa Hicks | Year Posted 2013
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Lisa Hicks Poem
Open your eyes
It's time to pay attention
Take a good look at your life
And it's deteriorating condition
No one can run indefinitely
Your soul will succumb to exhaustion
All that you fear, you must confront eventually
Escaping reality forever is not possible
I know you don't want to lose everything
And you haven't any time to waste
You're not the only one who's suffering
Just how long do you think she can wait
You gave up your right to self-indulgence
When you made the choice to give life to another
There's no excuse for such indolence
Now that you have become somebody's mother
As you inject away her future
I hope you feel more than just a little shame
If you don't stop you are going to lose her
This is her life that you're laying to waste
Copyright © Lisa Hicks | Year Posted 2007
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Lisa Hicks Poem
Why don't you come a little bit closer
While you have the chance
For soon this moment will be over
And you'll wish you hadn't let it pass
Nobody else has to know
It's only you and I here
Time seems to be moving so slow
And I don't feel a drop of fear
We both know that things can change
In the time it takes to blink
I'm so tired of playing it safe
It's time we bring each other to the brink
If fate didn't bring us together for this
Then fate is cruel indeed
I was meant to taste your kiss
I bet it tastes so sweet
I can feel the warmth you emanate
It makes my skin flush red
In this moment, I am yours to take
And nothing more needs to be said
Copyright © Lisa Hicks | Year Posted 2013
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Lisa Hicks Poem
Again I weep
Alone, entombed
I pray for relief
Still the aching continues
From love blossoms hate
Both felt with equal passion
They are but one in the same
Neither brings me any satisfaction
As if I were becoming a butterfly
Transformation begins to take place
All the flowers bloom and die
In this barren land of desolation and waste
And what I have lost cannot be recovered
I watched it diminish completely
Writhing in pain, tormented, I suffered
With indifference, you stood by and watched me
Now you will watch, as the tables I turn
You will know what it feels like
To desperately yearn
Watch this time, indifference now mine
As I set you on fire
Leave you here alone to burn
Copyright © Lisa Hicks | Year Posted 2007
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