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Best Poems Written by Melody Sokolow

Below are the all-time best Melody Sokolow poems as chosen by PoetrySoup members

Details | Melody Sokolow Poem

Zero Tolerance

**** that ****.
I’m not a diagnosis.  
Something to be “fixed”.
I am a combination of traits and features
that make me a woman of depth and intensity.

I will not succumb to trite references
about how much better I’ll be then
because there is no known frame of reference
not for him anyway

Dance and love and beauty were always me
Rage and anger and bitterness were not
but when I met with traumas too hard to face
they broke me finally

Doesn’t mean I can literally afford to fix them
when I have so many other priorities now
like finding a home so I don’t do the inevitable
saving myself comes first

Polishing up rough edges from a life that wasn’t easy
isn’t going to be a drop in a bucket
I’ve already been working on it for years
It’s possible that I’m just too much for certain ones

I need one with intensity
who can meet me where I stand
be kind and compassionate, but
hard when I need it and have edges
that were honed from life itself

Because this dancer, writer, baby-maker, lover
is just too much for some to handle
too many words, too many thoughts
confusing.  Jewish.
Come from another world entirely.
Safe to say……

Details | Melody Sokolow Poem

Colors Everywhere

It’s so much easier to just live in memory.
Easy to taste chocolate cake.
To see who loved me and ate from my kitchen.
A lovely day with friends
is so very far away now…
I try with my hand but can’t touch it.
Even in dreams I don’t have the pleasure.

It doesn’t feel good to write about 
the reasons.
They aren’t tangible anyway.
As the world spins by
whole and beautiful…
I watch as it goes round and round.
and wonder…
Could it stop for a moment and I’ll get on?
Sounds easy enough.
But so much separates me from this.

Out in a field, I see the distance.
Everything there says “go”.  Just get on.
Hesitation, then, I’ve missed my chance.
Am I wearing the wrong clothes?

I soften with the evening time
and melt into everything.
Let me say a prayer which brings me 
some kind of understanding…
Everything will come easy.
Sparkly and colors everywhere.

Details | Melody Sokolow Poem

As I Sit At My Table

As I sit at my table
Overlooking the sea
I try not to look for its unforgiving blueness
it is too much for my heart.
My heart which is once again, empty.

Loss has followed my heels 
for many years and
it follows me still.
As surely as the waves
flow in and out again with the ebb tide.

No more shall I look at the mountains
their tips frosted with white surely, and
no more the shells that I so carefully
collected with my most secret self
the part that was my own
which I let be exposed for a small time...
Came out into the shooting star sun
with the driftwood 
even the grayness,
the light rain...

I picked them up
held them tight 
took them home with me
each an expression of something radiant
and decorated the deck with their unique beauty
Arranged them in a way which said most eloquently
Here I am ...
here are the parts of me for the world to sea
for a while until sure as the water flows

It was asked of my heart
to toss them back
and so I did.  Into the greenish dryness, I tossed them
Not where they go at all, it was wrong
but into the thick brownish cover of trees
for there were far too many of my shells by then

They were too heavy
they had become just a burden.
The very action itself left a scar on my heart
that could not easily be fixed nor would it ever
but it must be done

Always in the past when asked
to do something
that felt a trespass against my soul,
an action which hurt so very much
and went against 
rather than with my own tide...
meant something was coming which
would surely damage me

A storm 
which would rage and which would tear pieces of me apart
The shells were just fragments of myself anyway
but the innermost fragments of myself
which I had collected when I felt like sharing
at times when I sparkled even on gray days

In the glittering sun
In the light gray rain
but sure as the ebb tide brought them in
they would go out again
maybe not as I would have liked
but broken and damaged.
Surely as I had brought them in from the beach
they could not stay
as my heart, 
dark and riddled with loss
must have its due

as I sit at this table
alone 
and yet unable to look at the water
not to look at the mountains
and not to hear the birds sing

Details | Melody Sokolow Poem

My Criminal Past

It’s all too much
I try and try 
yet things just don’t 
happen right
for me

Just when I think
situations may just
turn around

Out of the blue
it comes to haunt me
My criminal past  

Years ago 
I was in a store 
trying on a red scarf 
around my neck
wanting to be
good
to myself
for a moment

When my father called 
and I fell to the floor
I remembered everything

I guess I walked out
not realizing
I still wore
the scarf

And so they took me 
that day
they took me
in chains

Removed me
without respect
not as a child-like
woman
a damaged soul
someone in need
of repair

But rather, as a criminal

Yet, I was the victim
not the perpetrator

I was hit 
with the truth 
by my father 
on the phone
that day
in the store
while trying on
the red scarf

I saw it all in pictures 
and it didn’t stop
for days
months 
years
afterward

Even so, 
I lost 
the little place 
I lived
due to 
My criminal past

While my 97 year old 
“father” lives on,
I sleep all the time
am hurt 
all over again
remembering it all

For some
inexplicable reason
I felt it my responsibility 
to tell the man
who owned my little home 
to convey to him 
why I was a criminal 
and how it came to be  

I took a chance

Because I did that
I chose to reveal that thing
that was so secret
and hurt myself so gravely
that no one 
has mercy on me now

Out of luck,
there was no escaping

How can I break free
from all that binds me
that tethers me
to these pictures
repeated

I long to grow up
like other girls
with clean lives
But my criminal past
is a chain
around my ankle

As I wait 
for that moment
of transformation,
I wretch my guts out
and can’t stop 
remembering……

Details | Melody Sokolow Poem

A New Way

I make a decision
and Here it Comes....
Fear.

I decide upon a course of action
and Sure Enough
it stops me 
dead in my tracks.

At night
while reading,
I think “oh yes, a great idea”
and upon waking,
a tug and its over

I do believe
Fear is the greatest
prevention of successful plans
the cog in the wheel

Ideas can’t take flight
if it is present
New things can’t be birthed
The world must go ‘round

unless.....
Fear is just “faced.”
it is.  it’s there.  it shall be.  Always.
and alongside the plans, it sits.
whilst they’re all happening

New ideas explode
Energy is expended
Babies born
Love has a chance

I thought of it that way this morning
It is not an enemy
but just a companion
of a different kind
doing its job

Details | Melody Sokolow Poem

A Quiet Freedom

Have you ever found yourself....
in a place you didn’t understand.
That had nothing to do with
your “real” life?

Then, memories rush back.
Ahh, everyone’s gone now
either from this earth
or they didn’t want to follow me

Through more of my trials and tribulations
or more mood swings and blood
I guess the life of a Manic Depressive
takes a different road than most.

Dramatic, unexpected choices
that threatened friend’s own marriages
“She’s so bold as to leave her husband for love”
and then it actually worked out

“Now she’s in Seattle”
“Wow, she just left her kids”
Assumptions were consistently made
with no grounds whatsoever

They didn’t know
that I was so vulnerable, I allowed myself to be Placed here.
and that I was so stuck, I couldn’t get myself out.
My heart ached, yet nobody asked me.  Nobody knew.

It’s time to go now.
My window of opportunity.
As vulnerable as ever,
But more desperately needing....

I want Me again
with choices
needing to know it’s still possible
to be out from under and be free.  For once.  
Nobody knew .  But I did.

Details | Melody Sokolow Poem

Yellow

“Yellow”

I pump the liquid
soap in the bathroom
How Sickeningly sweet it is
and although now it’s gone
I will carry it with me
as I drift off…..

Yellow
is the smell of an
old woman's room
Plastic flowers everywhere,
windows shut tight
It lays like a fog 
as a reminder
of whats to come

Death lingers
In the funeral parlour
Clinging to the heavy velvet drapes
settled in corners
like a blanket
Smothering me

Yellow
roses everywhere
in the air
and painted on the walls
Nothing moves here
time stops

Yellow sun filters
through darkened blinds
Hides the inevitable
in contrast
to the rotting flesh
propped up with formaldehyde 
in crisp and crinkle fabrics
devoid of all life

Yellow flower petals edged in brown
drop slowly onto tables
Even sound doesn’t live here

This is where the dead
say their last goodbyes
And the living get stuck
in rose-scented memories
dancing on the wall

In the haze of Yellow
and the inescapable scent of roses
The incongruity of the two worlds meet

In the thick silence
Sticky like yellow syrup
I am reminded that
He is nowhere anymore
But I will take that scent
That feeling with me
Forevermore

Details | Melody Sokolow Poem

Goodbye

Finished
i’ve been dragging around this life
too long
Done
everything I wanted, I had.  I did.
Don’t want to wait for it to end
too long
too long

Taking things into my own hands again
the right way
the way it Used to be

Saying goodbye to this life
not to people
not to places
just to this life
which was so long ago begun
not in love
but lust
and then bit by bit
it was ripped and shredded
until I could no longer tolerate it

This life.
So done.
so through with it all. 
The decisions I am not capable of making
yet others thought I was just being stubborn.
Unable to think the way others do.
To be capable of processing information in some fashion
that I cannot.
Too bad nobody cares.
I used to bring so much to the table.

Hurts to breathe
to think
to exist anymore
Don’t want to.
and that’s My Choice.
If I can be so “grownup as to make choices yourself”
Than I Will

Let my legacy be
that once, 
and then many times,
I was hurt
damaged beyond repair.
Something was also passed through genes
that messed up my brain.
Took up space,
made my children suffer.
I Know All Of This
and I can no longer live with it.

So I can say goodbye cleanly and without frivolous bull****
or useless people trying to convince me otherwise so they feel better

Goodbye life.
Goodbye to my beautiful sons.
Goodbye to the man that I loved
I hope I see you all on the other side a long time from now
My prayer is for peace and beauty for them
and calm and no more crazy mother to cause troubles
Just free and open space to be
to do whatever you need
and without me in your way

goodbye for now...

Details | Melody Sokolow Poem

Inside My Wall

The stuff that hurt me
that grew inside the wall
has changed every moment
of how I live 

There are certain things
which are sacred to me now
that meant nothing to me before.

Air, for instance.  
“of course there’s air!” I used to think
and now, I’m so grateful
when air has nothing in it

My washing machine
who would’ve thought 
this would become something
I would write about

I need to talk more
I need to say how critical it is
that I have a machine with no chemicals in it
a machine that can wash my clothes
with not one speck of a scent of anything
I can’t stop talking
it keeps me safe
it keeps me breathing
my sheets,
my underwear,
my towels,
my socks
my shirts and skirts..

That stuff inside my wall, 7 years ago
hurt me so bad
that air and a washing machine 
are the things that keep me alive
that and thoughts of my sons.

This here feels safe enough to say it straight
If someone dares to hurt me again
I will shake with fear
but
Nobody touches my washing machine
and nobody puts things into my air

I’m just one woman
with such seemingly little requests 
but they’re my life support
and I won’t Live without them

Please heed my request world
Bless me with what I need
some fresh clear air for my lungs
and my clean, untainted washing machine

Details | Melody Sokolow Poem

The Door

Red doesn’t scare me
my own blood is welcome
it means I am ending
and I want that with all my heart

I used to be a woman
who kissed and loved
so big, so expansive…
I danced with everything

But now, tides have turned
gone is that human being
the woman who blended
with seaweed and water’s foam

I walk the streets now
in search of a place to become
something else
that isn’t what I was

This isn’t part of a life
it’s a different thing entirely
I don’t even want it
Once I was love’s essence

and now, I am the exposed flesh
of life.
the waters of me run red now
the core is gone
only edges are left
and I can’t look at this

So, I’m on my way out the door
I hope those people will be there
Never perfect, I can only be me
and I will take it upon myself
to go and not come back