~Deep Dark Poem~
Tonight I want to go deeper in my soul
I want to be born again tonight I want
to go back in my mothers womb and feel
my happiness of my first cry yet feel her
real pain while she was delivering me
I want to feel both all her pain and the
little of happiness I had since I was born.
I want to feel each breath I breathed since
that first night I want to see my fathers
eyes if he had a tear of happiness while
holding me for the first time .
I want to walk talk laugh cry climb defeat
succeed breath suffocate scream eat drink
revive my senses I want to hold her breast
and be a baby again I don't want to grow
Old yet I want to remain a new born in her
arms to feel safe I want to hold my fathers
glasses and see the color of his eyes will I
have them will I have his nose will I have
my mothers softness will I cry for help will
I see and hear and listen and run and walk
and hold her hand to feel safe I am lost
tonight I need her grip.
I need my brother who carried me where is
he today why did he leave me so early and
die so young I want to eat with them I want
to share with them in what state of mind
I am in tonight I want to go home tonight
to my mother and fathers home I want to
see their light at their home as I am living
through my darkest hours tonight.
But I cannot as all what I want
I cannot have.
I want their faithful love I want to sleep
on their bed and feel the warmth of their
love in our home where I was born and
after years I was torn away from them
to live in another mans home.
They forgot to tell me how much they
have suffered when I left their home and
went away they forgot to tell me so many
things that iI am experiencing them now
today yesterday and tomorrow my life
passed away so quickly busy bringing up
my kids busy giving them an education
busy cooking for them busy working to
provide for them everything busy washing
busy crying busy going out busy busy where
are they now where was I when my father
left to climb up his ladder where was I
when my mothers turn arrived to climb up her
ladder and stay next to him they went up to
meet their son who left them years ago he
was only 29 years old they had to live suffering
suffering missing missing him their first born
for years and years.
Father of my 2 boys thee only ecstasy
I had during that marriage nothing was
real except my kids nothing existed except
them nothing meant anything in my world
except them nothing ever passed before
them they are my light when i am blind
they are my laughter in my inside they
are with me with every breath I breath
we are inseparable even when they are
far I see them when its dark I see them
when I am deaf I hear them through my
strength I survive to keep them alive.
I walk alone yet their shadow never
leaves my sight they call my name from
far I call them back I write to reach out
for them to read through my lines how
much I need to be cared for even one day
maybe half a day maybe a few hours even
one second is more then enough to pump
my heart to go on.
So sorry my fellow poets tonight when
you read through my lines you will forgive
me as I am sentimentally in pain affectionately
in pain tonight my pen was agonizing missing
my children missing to see them how do I survive
daily without them I don't know I know I have
been doing that for the past 35 years seeing
them on and off due to the war in our country
& unexplainable circumstances.
Tonight forgive me. I have no more tears.
Deep Dark Poem for contest of PD (Win.No 4 ) 22/2/2013
This Poem Is Who I Am With Everybody.
I was told who I am, always reflects upon my friends
and family. When I choose a friend we become one
soul forever.This Is how I interpret my friendship.
When I choose a friend, I would shelter their names
in my heart,after conquering their friendship.
Their secrets will register in my brain to never be exposed.
I was told who I am always reflects upon their lives, they know
my spirit and soul will not survive without them, my consistency
will nurture their strength to exude.
When I choose a friend, my love will never sleep or vanish,
my telepathy will wake up and sleep when they retire.
My sharing becomes an unconditional awareness of either their
pain or happiness. They feel that I am capable of praying for
them each night.
If they are near or far makes no difference out of love their
shadow will send me messages in what state of mind they
are at the moment.
My heart will surrender when I am needed, if they want to talk,
I will listen, if they cry I will wipe their tears, if they are hungry
for food I will feed them, if they hunger for philosophy, I would
share my knowledge, if they crave for silence my voice is muted,
if they are weak in health nothing will hold me back from running
to stay next to them day and night till healing will prevail.
When I choose a friend, I was told who I am always reflects upon
their everyday living, because knowing all what I possess will be
shared without asking, generosity progresses out of love.
Their silhouette constantly moves next to me, feeling their heart
beat continuously to determine how to approach them.
That is why who I am always reflects upon their everyday,
knowing I analyze the word friendship as the dearest to my soul,
I have no boundaries, my tears will flow like raindrops reaching their
window if any help is needed.
I love all my friends.
21/5/2013 Contest For SKAT. This Is Who I Am with everybody. WIN (10)
"The Immigration Officer Asked Me."
I was asked where are you coming from?
I answered I ran away from the war in my
I was asked how many years the war lasted?
I answered there was war for sixteen years
we were bombarded daily attacked by militia
on our way to work when we could go to work.
I was asked why did you choose this country?
I answered because they accept political refugees
and i heard that Canadians are helping us.
I was asked why do you look so pale and slim?
I answered because we had no food to eat when
we were bombarded we could not go out to buy
food, and when we were in the shelter nobody
brought us any food.
I was asked why are you wearing dark glasses?
I answered because i am not used to see the light.
We rarely had electricity, always using a candle
and staying in the dark for days my eye sight
I was asked why don't you hear well?
I answered because of the arterially shelling.
And we had a bomb falling on our ceiling when
i was sitting in our home before the bomb fell.
I was asked why do you look shabby?
I answered because we never had water.
We never had water running in our tapes
we had to buy water to have a shower or
rain to fill utensils in plastic for many days.
He asked why don't you have any luggage?
I answered because i have nothing to wear.
My kids education needed all the money and
i worked 2 jobs to bring in some money.
He asked what kind of work did you do?
I answered i was working in the hospital.
And working in a Boutique for mens clothing.
He asked were you working as a nurse?
I answered no i was cleaning the floors
and bathrooms i was everywhere for years
in that hospital.
He asked do you have any money on you?
I answered no the militia took everything.
When i arrived to the boat to leave the
country as the airport was closed for
years sometimes, at the port, one militia
guy just snatched the few dollars i had.
He asked did you leave your home behind?
I answered no they bombarded my home
its in rebels i have nothing left in Lebanon.
He noticed my tears tumbling down my cheeks.
He asked where were you living then?
I answered i lived underground with many
people, for months sometimes we were
underground sleeping on the floor somedays
we had no food given by the enemy, the cry`s
of children hungry was unbearable.
He asked do you have any family with you?
I answered no i have been alone since the war.
I had to send away my children after they
were able to graduate not to be snatched by
the militia. They both went to the US to work.
He asked how many children do you have?
I answered i have two boys one is a lawyer
and my other son is an interior designer.
He asked and where are they now?
I answered they ran away from the militia
to the US as we had very close friends who
took them until they could find work to pay
a rented room.
He asked how may languages do you speak?
I answered i speak three languages.
Arabic English and French.
He asked do you want to stay here?
I answered with my tears blinding
my eyes, please, i have nowhere
to go and i heard so much about
the Canadians how human and
generous they are.
He looked at me with a painful look
I will accept you as a political refugee
we will give you some money every
month you will have a bed to sleep
you will have food to eat work to do
water to drink shower and clothes
to wear and you can ask your
children to come, are you happy now.
He stamped my passport and wished
me a good luck with a huge smile.
The beginning of a new life.
If I forget you, would you remember me?
If I still love you, would you still love me?
If I fall when old, would you lift me up?
If I sleep, would you sleep by me?
If I run away, would you follow me?
But If I stay, would you stay with me?
If I see you, would you recognize me?
I know you would Not.
That is why, I wish I would whisper
And not hear myself.
I wish I could cry
not feel my tears
nor feel my fears.
Tonight, my final Farewell.
24 August 2014
~Look At Me~
Look at me,I will wait until you can overcome your shyness,
I will wait until you become positive.
Look at me,I will wait until you overcome your touchiness,
I will wait until you become fearless.
Look at me,I will wait until you overcome your stiffness,
I will wait until you become loving.
Look at me,I will wait until you overcome your emptiness,
I will wait until you become blameless.
Look at me,I will wait until you overcome your nervousness,
I will wait until you become indispensable for me.
~I Will Not Wait~
Look at me,I will not wait because I felt you have a captivating
charm hidden under what you show as your authority.
I will not wait,because I am eager to become part of your life,
you gave me the impression that you have a gift of making me
I will not wait,because you are generous with your time and friendship,
you are generous with your love so it becomes durable and loyal.
I will not wait,because you gave me the impression that your enormous
sensitivity becomes your enormous strength to achieve your goals,and
help your partner during a lifetime.
I will not wait,because you gave me the impression that you bring
strength and intensity to your surroundings,you encourage your spirit
& soul to remain persistent and ambitious.
I will not wait,because you gave me the impression you are so powerful
and tenacious,nothing will stand in your way until you reach your
goals, as you do not like to be a failure.
I will not wait,because you gave me the impression that you can love me,
I will wait no more to manifest my love towards you beyond belief,
its unavoidable,its powerful,it needs no introduction anymore as my love
is instantaneous,endless,may I become your lover tonight. WOW,Yes.
~This Is The Day The Lord Gave.~
That July 7 2007 was supposed to be my Birthday
But it turned out to be a tragic sinister day.
That same moment my son was supposed to come in a joyful way
But it turned out to be a devastation day.
What was supposed to be our celebration day
turned out to be our darkest Friday.
What was supposed to be an unforgettable day
turned out to be a wishful forgettable Tuesday.
What was supposed to be our family reunion day
turned out to be the birth of a hideous cancerous malady
that destroyed all of my sons upcoming healthy days.
That Monday instead became a wounded bleeding today
having to listen to what the doctor had to say.
It turned out to be 5 months chemo therapy of shadowy days.
Grace From Heaven
My sons soul awakened his spirit one night on his hospital bed
sleeping felt a hand pat on his shoulders
heard a voice,my son you will not die have faith
your soul will awaken and you will be cured.
Today 5 Years Later
Is What The Lord Gave.
Mother & son are miraculously extremely happy
out of the hospital he was flying away
no more chemo therapy & cancer out of his way.
Celebrating my sons healing soul will last Today
Tomorrow And All His Upcoming Days.
Thank You Lord
For Giving Us That Day.
I believe in lots of things I can't see
My dreams are like a ship's consciousness
drowned in the ocean
I want to live for a reason
How I wish I could resign
How I wish now I was wrapped
on a bed neither to move my hands
nor my feet
I try to feel but I have no feelings
My soul is rich my spirit feels poor
I have a brain that feels unconscious
I got married but was never in love
I am alive yet I wish I was dead
I wanted to stay but I had to leave
I have tears but cannot weep
I've got memories
yet I crave to forget them
I feel a storm coming
without rain or thunder
People die but I cannot mourn
I am friendly but have no friends
I think I am intelligent but I feel numb
I thought I graduated
but threw away my diploma
I have a birthday with no wishes
I dream yet I forget them
I had a castle yet I feel I'm living in a hut
I have courage but I cannot face it
I am a body that looks like a skeleton
My heart beats but I cannot hear it
The sky is blue but I see gray
You dwell too much about the past
that taught you to be so cruel
I loved but nobody loved me
The flowers were blooming
but I saw them dead
I was a violin with broken strings
when I could not hold my anger
If I could only scream to listen to my echo
I rode a horse without a saddle
I was at the beach and I saw no ocean
I walked on the land but felt
My feet were bleeding I cut them off
I wake up at dawn but I feel its dark
I rang the bell nobody opened
I was on the roof top and my soul fell down
I watched a beginning it felt like the end
14 November 2014.
~My Trip With Love~
A arrival from Montreal to San Francisco seeing my son and his children.
B beautiful red roses on my approach expressing their love towards me.
C for caring to have an eye contact honoring my motherly devotion & fidelity.
D for dreams come true when i sleep at night in my own studio.
E for enjoy having our breakfast first day while exchanging our life time stories.
F for faithfulness towards one another was so important since his childhood.
G good friends who invites me to their homes to meet their families.
H for happiness when I run to the restaurant help greett his customers at work.
I interfering with my sons life is a long forgotten issue, a perpetual respect .
J for jokes we exchange together through evenings laughing endlessly.
K kissing me good night when the night is over for me to retire.
L for love that I get from both of them when I cook an oriental dish.
M morning ride on a tour with family & soft music while driving.
N for never do I complain about any subject when shared together.
O older, but I don't let them feel my arthritis pains when I am visiting.
P for pictures are taken as souvenirs from this fabulous journey once a year
Q quite evenings when I leave my son and wife to have an intimate night.
R for roll up my sleeves to clean their home to amaze them out of love.
S surprise when home from work to a house clean & table set for dinner.
T transport for me is the subway my independence not to bother him.
U unique love between a son and mother, he is my rock. Best friends.
V variable outings touring the city while discussing his children's future.
W wanting those happy days to last forever. But will return next year.
X xylophone for enjoying the music of our last dinner together.
Y yearning from my depth to have wanted my stay to last longer.
Z zone when we said farewell at the end of the visitors area. Tears of joy.
Visiting my sons once a year is my dream come true forever. The love for my children has always been, "The Endless Love Of A Child".
An ABC poem :For Alfred Vassello
~ Husband & Wife~
I just found out how addictive I will become when you will embrace my
irresistible body to conquer my appetite and yearn to engulf my
harmonious body into your arms while sleeping next to me in bed. Love Me.
Welcome me spontaneously to lay me down
yearn for my seductive body undress me affectionally propose
to love and carry me away as your newly wedded wife.
Embrace me tonight,hold my face to freshen my lips,desire my
charm into your arms,steal away my youth sincerely,I love you when
you cuddle me softly to caress me eternally while allowing your silhouette
closer to mine for us in unison reach out towards our continuos non stop
breathing till this endless night comes to the end of our honeymoon with a
I just found out my darling I am already pregnant.
Isn't It beautiful for you to become Husband & Father the same night.
Oh Yes! Yes!
Am I the Father My Darling.
No My Darling, My Ex Husband.
7 September 2014
A Dark Cloud
Why do I cry when I don't feel like crying?
Only because my pain increases daily until
it became intolerable, indescribable over the days
it got worse.
Why do I laugh when I don't feel like laughing?
Only because I feel awkward in society the most
I wanted was to get away.
Why do I eat, when I don't feel like eating?
Only because my body wants to agonize
I feel i have a very long way to go in life.
Why do I drink when I don't feel like drinking?
Only because I have to humidify my dead body
& my tears will water the roses.
Why am I here when I don't want to be here?
Only because nobody wants me & I was
forbidden to travel.
Why do I stay when I don't want to stay?
Only because I have no choice I was unaccepted
& my freedom strangled.
Why do I miss when I don't want to miss?
Only because I want to suffer as i knew
what they wanted from me.
Why do I dream when I don't want to dream?
Only because my dreams are dreamless they
went down the drain.
Why do I feel lonely when I don't want to feel lonely?
Only because of my aloneness every moment changes
I get scary and cannot control my nerves.
Why do I phone when I don't want to phone?
Only because I miss the echo of a voice when
I answered that voice avoided me.
Why do I wake up when I don't feel like waking up?
Only because the bell rang just to relate to anybody
but there was nobody.
Why am I in pain when I don't feel like being in pain?
Only because my pain has no end it cant stop bleeding.
Why do I dress up when I don't feel like dressing up?
Only because I cant stay naked winter is at the door.
Why do I go out when I don't feel like going out?
Only because time has to pass away & my
memories have to fade astray.
Why was I born, when I don't feel alive?
Only because my mother helped me to
Why did I marry when I din't want a husband?
Only because I was forced to get married all
I wanted was to fly away as i couldn't stay.
Why am I in love when I don't feel like being
In love? only because I have to love anyone
and our love seemed inevitable.
Why do I run when I don't feel like running?
Only because the doctor told me so & someone
was following me, I got scared had to be gone
Why am I angry when I don't want to be angry?
Only because my thoughts are hurting my system
was a blur I couldn't wait for my fate..
Why am I a mother when I cant live with my children?
Only because I decided to run into the woods and hide,
because I am getting older and maybe I can die.
5/4/2013 (Win No. 4)