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Best Jack Horne Poems

Below are the all-time best Jack Horne poems as chosen by PoetrySoup members

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Ebenezeer Scrooge

Ebenezeer Scrooge
Suspected subterfuge,
And his transformation seems extreme
For what was probably just a nightmarish dream!

For Andrea’s Christmas Clerihew contest

Details | Jack Horne Poem

School Homework: Jobs I hated

I hated homework - what a bore;
And wanted time to play.
I’d tolerate that stuff at school,
But that was during day.

We didn’t have a dog or cat,
But Teacher didn’t know:
Those creatures chewed my homework up,
And I was full of woe.

I’d lost my bag, my homework too,
And wasn’t it a shame,
That all my work had been in vain.
My teacher knew my game…

One day I gave up fighting it -
I saw I was a dud -
And did my homework on the bus…
Then dropped it in the mud!

9th November, for Sara’s Jobs contest

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The beauty takes my breath away,
I know my kind will want to stay
On this new world that I have found -
It’s somewhere in the Milky Way.

The creatures of this wondrous place
Are scaly lizards, wild and base.
Such monstrous things must be destroyed
So we can spawn another race.

I take a sample of the turf,
Report the planet has such worth,
Then leave and freeze the world in ice
To kill these dinosaurs on Earth.

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There once was a banshee called Anno,
Who was learning to play the piano.
She was doomed to fail,
And started to wail -
And now she’s a world class soprano.

Details | Jack Horne Poem

The Farewell Performance

His rheumy eyes film over and he brushes away a tear
with the age-spotted back of his hand.
He watches himself as a young man –
handsome, vigorous, full of joie de vivre.
The members of his orchestra now arthritic.
Or ashes long since scattered into oblivion,
like the beautiful soprano in the film.
But for the duration of the archive footage
they are all young again.
The film ends and their philharmonic youth
is silent memory once more.
He struggles to press rewind but his gnarled finger 
presses fast-forward by mistake.
He thinks that time has been on fast-forward
and wishes he could find the rewind control for his life.
With a sigh, he presses play and fades away,
watching his immortal youth.

Details | Jack Horne Poem


There was a baboon in my bed,
I thought it appeared to be dead,
So I turned out the light,
But it chattered all night
And swung off the curtains instead.

For PD’s Silly poem contest

Details | Jack Horne Poem

Haunted Brothel

Her bony fingers stroked my hair,
I shuddered at the icy touch,
And when I turned no one was there.

I felt the hatred of her stare,
My heart was frozen in its clutch,
Her bony fingers stroked my hair.

I’d walked into the open snare,
My curiosity too much,
And when I turned no one was there.

I stood alone inside her lair,
The murdered prostitute was Dutch,
Her bony fingers stroked my hair.

The room was full of such despair,
I tried to flee but dropped my crutch,
And when I turned no one was there.

How stupid was the double dare,
I’d suffer now for playing butch,
Her bony fingers stroked my hair,
And when I turned no one was there.

For Paula's Unease contest

Details | Jack Horne Poem


The python hung down from the tree,
It hissed and it scared little me,
I gave it a whack,
To make it turn back,
And have someone else for its tea.

For Russell’s Five Minute Challenge, 11th May

Details | Jack Horne Poem

cherry blossom

laughing children throw
handfuls of cherry blossom - -
an old couple kiss

for Susan’s Cherry Blossom contest

Details | Jack Horne Poem

first halloween

children's laughter

a boy and girl carve out

 a jack-o-lantern


deep orange pumpkin gutted 

the scent of roasted brown seeds

gasps - -

the small lantern's grin and eyes are lit

by flickering candle light


The eerie light's shadows danced

A coyote howled in tune

an owl hoots - - 

the moon emerges from clouds

as bats flap across the sky


Full moon reveals surprises

Ghosts' wispy gown races fast

shrieks and giggles - -

little fingers drop candy and point 

towards the sky

A tiny night rider floats

Little eyelids close softly

written by Jack Horne and Sara Kendrick for Diane's contest