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Mariah Holmes Poem
I'm choking on this misinterpretation of independence,
Even if I tried to get out,
Try my hardest to cry out,
No one would hear.
No one's out here,
Locked up in isolation but me,
So can I look at you and allow the fact that you understand?
Take your hat off dear Sir,
You are not fooling anyone,
No one's here.
I was never meant to be whole,
I guess I am the textbook example,
Don't be me if you want to be happy.
There is nothing,
Nothing is everything here.
My eyes are closed to the hope I once had,
I can't fake it anymore.
Better let them know that all the things you came here for,
You let slip away...
I am not the only one to blame,
Even though this is my house,
This house on the hill,
This house of pain.
So why don't you just go,
And leave me now?
I will fall asleep in this cruel winter and awake in the summer.
Even though I don't deserve the sun,
I have learned that it shines for everyone,
Even those people like me.
Gravity pulls all things,
Tugging and ripping holes into nothing,
Nothing is everything here...
My heart strings,
On spools,
They tear.
One night down,
Countless more to endure.
If life will always be like this,
If shallow water is my silence..
I am right,
Pack up what you have and get out.
I don't want to be saved.
I don't want the impossible.
The impossible never wanted me.
Dry your tears,
You are only delirious,
And you should not cry for me.
I can do enough of the same alone.
I don't need help..
I never wanted it,
I don't mean to be rude and kick you out,
But it's for your own good.
Please,
Don't look at me like that.
Yes, I know it's a shame,
I know there are many things I could have became..
But now my brain is numb,
My heart was on the chopping block,
I died in scarlet shame on the cutting room floor,
One night, many moons ago.
Death is not for the grieving.
I tried leaving,
I got caught in a sea of the thread,
The memories I had of my life,
I didn't see you anywhere,
And you cannot be my angel,
Because that is impossible...
People like me do not get angels like you.
Darling, do not cry.
Do not even try to lie to me.
Shut that pretty mouth of yours,
And I will say goodbye,
Because if there is one thing I will ever do right,
It is this.
Copyright © Mariah Holmes | Year Posted 2010
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Mariah Holmes Poem
Your eyes shine and spakle and thy withered eyes do wake.
Wonder, page me up from the heavens unto you and I sit in waiting for thee.
Come onto me my angel.
Even though I do not deserve what you have to give.
Even though do I pale in comparitive view.
Oh, how do you think so highly,
Want so badly..
Something so desolate and broken?
Wonder, mend thy heart when all was shattered.
Even though I need it now and could not live without.
Even though what is now my heart would surely stop.
The Angel take my hand in the wind.
Under his breath he does say "You will be saved"
Wonder, my angel never lies for truth be told.
Even though I only get by in the threshhold of thee's words.
Even though rarely I demine his thoughts and never question his genuineness.
Thriving under the wings of the angel, my gaze flickers once,
To thy truimphant face of my hero.
Wonder, there it stays and shall remain immobile and frozen.
Even though I so stubbornly accustome myself to self preservation.
Even though it was once seemingly impossible to carry on.
Love emerge at first cautious and then in vain, finally absolute, timid nevermore.
Birth of new hope when was once dead, then numb.
Wonder, encase thee with thy adoring company.
Even though I understand what this means.
Even though the youth in us is overbearing, ignorance is not as blissfully blind as is feeling.
Copyright © Mariah Holmes | Year Posted 2010
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Mariah Holmes Poem
Truth lies in these eyes of mine.
You won't look into,
Cannot immerse yourself in...
What's real.
I'm not trying,
Fear of failure or something wicked,
Do only morose things come out of feeling?
A mouth unspeaking,
Potential upbringing,
Sway me in your direction.
It could be easy,
This intertwining of old wires,
Chewed apart by this beast of heart,
This lych of adoration,
Breathing and beating and reeling.
I'm unconcious and on fire.
You are immovable,
Striken by ice.
At the pivitol parts of this world,
We need eachother most...
And we could very well kill eachother.
Maybe we have,
And what was once..
Shant be forgotten..
For if fire and ice were to combine,
I wouldn't be lost,
Nor would we be without the sun..
This love in my eyes,
Would truly be mine.
Copyright © Mariah Holmes | Year Posted 2010
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Mariah Holmes Poem
I'm hanging my hat today.
I'm putting away my coat and gloves.
I'm closing my eyes,
I won't be awake anymore.
I don't want to be awake.
What is the point if I'm outside,
Looking in on what was once my life?
When all I had I lost,
Or all I thought I knew,
I just have a memory of a less cold time,
It's not even real, I warped the view.
Alas, you can't hear me now.
You are dancing in the shadows right where I can barely see you,
Right where you're just out of reach,
You are just enough to torture me.
This silhouette of mine will resign,
And you won't see me anymore.
I'm fading effortlessly like the night into daytime.
I'm evaporating in the fashion of fine wine.
You scratch the surface like you always do,
But this time you are too late.
I'm not weak, it's just rough.
You're no king if I'm the peasant.
You never saw me like I intended,
You won't even remember to thank me once this all has ended.
I'm the beat up antique in a modern-day collection,
I'm the sore, throbbing thumb that's not green in your garden.
I've never been perfect,
Never your Savior,
You never needed me,
I never walked on water.
Endings should be something you savor,
Please my dear, do, because I am doing you a favor.
I have read the verses countless times,
While you adorn yourself with extasy,
They were only thrifty devices to stay alive,
To keep you sane and breathing,
But I caught my foot on the rug going out the door and I couldn't save you,
You stepped right over me,
I become a mark on the floorboards and nothing else to you.
You're tattered but at the same time perfect,
And we both know that I'm worthless,
So let me step aside,
Let this course ride,
No one will dare cry,
It's justified.
Suicide is not a crime.
Copyright © Mariah Holmes | Year Posted 2010
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Mariah Holmes Poem
Shall I burden you with another tale?
The answer you give, I do not care.
I do not give a mind to such foolery and trickery like that, that comes from you,
so therefore I do not care for your opinion and will cast aside like anyone does with what
they don't want to hear..for, I know your answer all too well.
Like the sun, the flames cast in the mantle illuminate your face, immobile in a mask of
defeat.
You don't want to hear but you have to listen, so I remember to say it slower.
I will not repeat myself so take notes, keep the mental ones sharp and vibrant and detailed
and bold, keep the ones on paper safe in your jacket pocket where I know you won't lose it.
"I will not repeat myself", I repeat.
You, and this is not a secret, were never my cup of tea, but with triffling times we come out
of our warm shelter, our comfort zone and adapt to survive.
I will hold tight to you because I will not die. Never should a fate like this conquer me.
It snows outside, the flakes cling to the window, gripping the ground and bleaching it out.
Get used to the weather, you're stuck here.
Silence is stirred and a raspy voice hits hard the wind, I shudder for a brief moment and
come back. Must we always stir ourselves as such? It seems so.
Time flies and I come to an end in one sense, I'm born into another light.
Baptize me in familiarity. You will come to loathe me, I anticipate this job.
Come along, you catch a glimpse of that old "pie in the sky" compass.
"Let it be what it is, and know that cardinal directions will get you nowhere."
Copyright © Mariah Holmes | Year Posted 2010
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Mariah Holmes Poem
You tell me your prentends,
We step over the ballroom so slow.
You dare be honest?
Well so will I: We both know,
Forevers you intend are impossible,
Time and place is unstoppable,
Even though it pains to show,
We need to readily go...
Down salty: the riverbeds,
Where lovers drank liquid lead,
And never thought twice,
Nor reconsidered.
Actions that appear harmless,
In the moment, smile,
Sure no tears be shed.
Ignorance like ice,
Ignore the upcoming bile.
For lying gains no intimates,
But envy from enemy,
Hand in mouth; oxymoron,
Season's change denying virgin snow.
In the past, touching lying faces,
I have seen them lie their heads low.
Chatterbox mouth,
And teeth so rotten.
Dare not speak, you say to me...
"I love you, my sweet,
My one, my only friend."
Embracing the earth,
I would gladly be ,
If not certain was I,
That this is the end.
Copyright © Mariah Holmes | Year Posted 2010
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Mariah Holmes Poem
There is a hole,
In my Ozone,
The layer I keep all to myself,
For selfish needs,
The tendencies and statistics will alarm.
But say once,
And say a million times,
That I am wrong for sleeping inside...
I am aware of such forgiveness,
I am letting go of this self centered world.
And how I have shown,
Nothing too powerful.
I was devoted but was it obscured?
The ocular lense you look through is faulty,
But it gets the best reviews,
Among the people of the world...
Study me under surgical lights,
Monotonous and scientific lies.
Oh, how you are pittied in the eyes of much more than men.
Calculating and debating,
Over something I know to be true,
I would speak up,
I would die for this,
But I am bound and my lips are glued.
Gravity ceases to stay,
My heart I set free,
Go up, up and away,
Fly into what they see as oblivion,
But I know you are going home,
I am going home.
A mental escape,
To take the pain away,
It's cold and as I close my eyes,
My arms writhe in agony and my legs tremble,
I silently say 'goodbye'.
Goodbye to this world,
You were just a purgatory for much more.
Soon I will be up in the sky,
Knocking on golden plated doors.
The turn of a page,
The secret gestures of meaningless numbers,
And whoa,
To you for killing me so.
You sew up the lifeless experiment,
My body,
No match for such a civilization as your's.
He will see me coming,
And He will see that this is what you show.
So for the last seconds of the world,
Before it all has to end,
You can repent or keep on disposing of bodies,
Throw them down the vent.
Into the fire,
We are reborn,
And even in death we do not stray.
I feel sorry for you because I know,
What could happen to men like you,
On the world's last day.
Copyright © Mariah Holmes | Year Posted 2010
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Mariah Holmes Poem
You are lethal.
With those eyes of yours,
You have me caught.
Brilliant,
You are so brilliant,
The way you speak,
Hypnotic.
Your words are a drug,
Let this cocaine blur the lines between us.
Take them away completely.
I want no restrictions,
No distractions.
I want nothing to hold my gaze but you.
I want no other feeling,
Creeping up my spine,
Surpressing my breath,
No thoughts other than you.
In this moment,
Nothing can bear more truth.
This is a place I have never been before.
You are the sun,
The moon weeps every night,
Only because it is never blessed,
The moon cannot see you rise.
The moon cannot be here with you tonight.
The angels back home,
Play their harps in melodies new to my ears.
The beautiful pain this will cause,
I will smile through the tears.
Like an ocean in my head,
Swim to me,
Save me from the depths,
I am drowning.
You are all there is left.
Every word like a note,
Silk, satin and velvet tone,
A laugh to calm the nerves,
And arms to call home.
I feel you everywhere.
I can taste it in the smoke,
It wisps about,
Lining the air.
I make room in my lungs for you.
Breathe again,
Tell me your name again,
Nothing has ever sounded as such.
The boy with bruises under his eyes,
Sitting in a church pew all by himself.
Oh, how I love you bitterly.
And dear God,
I plea in this misery that I am in,
But, please do not pull me out of this rut.
I want no relief,
No substitution.
It was a high.
It was not fake.
The warmth felt attainable.
I hope you know that this will not stop.
The clashes of the chord,
The sickness leaving me bed-ridden,
This is my impossible dream.
I can be your disease.
I would forfeit everything.
Look me in the eyes again,
And you cannot lie,
Paralyze me.
Smile and knock me unconcious,
There was never someone as delusional as I,
Never another like me,
A dim lit world,
One candle burns still,
In love with an impossible dream.
Copyright © Mariah Holmes | Year Posted 2010
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Mariah Holmes Poem
Tell me where have you been.
It was quiet and cold,
I was alone,
Searching.
So I guess,
If it means anything to you,
You can say something,
Or nothing at all.
You will leave me to fend for myself.
I remember a time when I,
Didn't have to fight for you,
Everything was easy,
There was no reason to cry over you.
I never had to struggle,
Break into your castle,
The bricks make you shiver,
The foundation and the towers.
Now I run,
Into an empty calm,
Where there is no calm at all.
Nothing is easier under the gun.
Tell me where have you been.
Where are you now?
I cannot prosper in this misery,
It takes a hold of me.
Take me under,
Bury me under all of the flowers,
Every morning you can look out of the windows,
And there will be a beautiful smile.
When the dawn meets the end,
Enough said,
I won't get in your way,
Just tell me where have you been.
I was alone,
Searching,
I am still alone,
Grieving.
Copyright © Mariah Holmes | Year Posted 2010
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Mariah Holmes Poem
Blame me,
But I had no part in this,
You believe what you want,
Toxic and acidic,
Would you be so kind as to pull me apart?
Take me down to that place,
Where it is all too easy to take my defenses away.
My eyes they fade to grey,
This is no beautiful convention,
But a despicable race.
Show me something old,
Like photographs when the sidewalks would not trap,
The springs would not snap,
The headboard would not crack.
And I am wallowing in vain here.
Underpass,
Sour sublime,
Fawning over an excusable sunrise,
Better late than never,
How trite we can be.
Save those sweet lips for the morning,
The clarity brings me to tears,
This was the song,
That fueled the warning,
We only have seconds left.
Hold onto that last breath.
Copyright © Mariah Holmes | Year Posted 2010
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