Details |
Niki Betsill Poem
You ask me- why it is, that I flinch ?
With every sudden movement , that I don't see coming.
Like I expect to be hit .
It's a leftover reaction .
Like a residual tic.
A predetermined mechanism physically attempting to defend my physical self.
For at the hands of another, my body has been beaten , been broken , and battered .
My heart has been shattered .
My spirit through and through has had it.
Now ,I have to , sit here and explain to you
Why I sit with my back to the wall Of every room ,
and why I'm afraid of my own shadow.
. Because the ptsd that envelopes me,
Is like an unseen deformity Of my brain ,
when I'm triggered , my mind gets stuck In the moment of my trauma ,and I'm reliving them again.
So when I hide my face And tuck in my chin
Shudder as your fingertips brush against my skin ,
It comes from someplace deep within.
Someplace between the past ,
And , how long until it happens again?
I know you say, how could I think this of you?
But, he said he would never too !
And each and every time his fist Or open hand
Made contact with my bare skin,
I felt all at once the total shock and disbelief,
Immediate denial that this broken girl was me.
I guess I had to learn this lesson repeatedly.
So when you ask me why I'm a jumpy ball of nervous energy ,and why I'm always flinching?
Because ,my ptsd has crippled me .
This is what is left of me.
Existing in the fear that is my reality.
And, there is no more room for
Empty I love yous .
Only final goodbyes ,
Permanent and absolute.
As is the pain I try so hard in vain to disguise
But the truth is, I cannot hide,
Or wish to deny..
The truth, that is such a sad truth.
But a truth nonetheless that is mine.
And I don't have it in me even one single inch
of doubtful benefit,
so the reality is ,this is the answer to your question,
the reason why I flinch.
Copyright © Niki Betsill | Year Posted 2023
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Details |
Niki Betsill Poem
Down the rabbit hole I'm falling
Can't you hear the voices calling
From the darkness Creeping, crawling
Insanity, absurdity
A new day dawning
Judgements pending, Sins atoning
Wicked people and Lost souls roaming
Picked apart And tortured slowly
Only to remain Lost and Lonley
Distorted faces Smiling phony
Cackle laughing Hunger growing
Half dead beasts And marked men showing
Devilish scars And eyes plucked open
Burning pits with Embers glowing
Stitched up lips And bones all broken
Satan's army Proud and devoted
Marching forward Leaving blood rivers flowing
Naked witches round the fire they're dancing
Singing chanting "Lucy I invoke thee "
Burning rancid Flesh ripped wide open
Empty cribs And lost mother's hoping
Endlessly searching While eternally choking
Dead men's hands Reaching and groping
Calamity of Insanity Rapidly approaching
Open wide eyes already crying
When this vision I had awoke me
I open up my blind minds eye
Try to see what God wants to show me
Upon us are the end of days
Nigh are the days of suffering
Take this hint, this sign, this clue
Prepare for what's upcoming
In the dark is lurking
Evil perverse and cunning
Souls twisted into monsters
Into demons they are turning
Into a land so promised
Recycled souls returning
I think that I have done my job
I hope all heed my warning
Because marked men are left in hell
And spend eternity burning
Copyright © Niki Betsill | Year Posted 2024
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Details |
Niki Betsill Poem
Down the rabbit hole I'm falling
Can't you hear the voices calling
From the darkness Creeping, crawling
Insanity, absurdity
A new day dawning
Judgements pending, Sins atoning
Wicked people and Lost souls roaming
Picked apart And tortured slowly
Only to remain Lost and Lonley
Distorted faces Smiling phony
Cackle laughing Hunger growing
Half dead beasts And marked men showing
Devilish scars And eyes plucked open
Burning pits with Embers glowing
Stitched up lips And bones all broken
Satan's army Proud and devoted
Marching forward Leaving blood rivers flowing
Naked witches round the fire they're dancing
Singing chanting "Lucy I invoke thee "
Burning rancid Flesh ripped wide open
Empty cribs And lost mother's hoping
Endlessly searching While eternally choking
Dead men's hands Reaching and groping
Calamity of Insanity Rapidly approaching
Open wide eyes already crying
When this vision I had awoke me
I open up my blind minds eye
Try to see what God wants to show me
Upon us are the end of days
Nigh are the days of suffering
Take this hint, this sign, this clue
Prepare for what's upcoming
In the dark is lurking
Evil perverse and cunning
Souls twisted into monsters
Into demons they are turning
Into a land so promised
Recycled souls returning
I think that I have done my job
I hope all heed my warning
Because marked men are left in hell
And spend eternity burning
Copyright © Niki Betsill | Year Posted 2024
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