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Ashley Beaudre Poem
I'm overcome with grief
as I slowly die inside.
They tell me this is normal,
and everything will be alright.
I can't seem to eat a meal,
or close my eyes to dream.
All I visualize is your face,
then accidentally scream.
I can't seem to leave my home,
whats the point anyways?
Without you standing by my side
life is nothing but a waste.
Maybe soon enough I'll join you,
as I slowly die inside.
When I finally enter the gates of pearl
everything will be alright.
Copyright © Ashley Beaudre | Year Posted 2009
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Ashley Beaudre Poem
Mommy can you see me?
I can bounce really high!
Maybe with some bouncy shoes
I can visit you in the sky!
I'm seven years old now Mommy.
You've been gone about a year.
I can't wait to see you Mommy,
and your memories are near.
Mommy can you see me?
Oops- I failed another test.
But I remembered what you told me
and I tried my very best.
I'm ten years old now Mommy.
You've been gone about four years.
I really miss you Mommy,
and I wish you were here.
Mommy can you see me?
Dad went off on me again.
I slit my wrists to ease the pain,
I have scars all over my skin.
I'm fourteen years old now Mommy,
you've been gone about eight years.
Who are you anyways Mommy?
Thanks a lot for leaving me in tears...
Mommy can you see me?
I'm so glad I finally changed!
In accepted Jesus like you once did
so my life could be rearranged.
I'm sixteen years old now Mommy,
you've missed the past ten years.
But I'll see you in heaven Mommy,
and that helps me fight my fears.
Copyright © Ashley Beaudre | Year Posted 2009
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Ashley Beaudre Poem
When I was very young,
Dad and I would fly my kite.
So one day I finally asked him,
"how does God make wind and light?"
"Only God can answer that."
He told me with a smile.
"So ask him when you get there!"
I nodded, then played a while.
When we first turned sixteen,
my best friend got a brand new car.
We had plans for Friday night,
but Wednesday, she didn't get far.
I cried when I hung up the phone,
"Daddy! Why my best friend?"
He came and sat down on my bed,
as we talked about the end.
"Only God can answer that."
He told me with a smile.
"So ask him when you get there."
Then I laid and cried a while.
Further down the road,
I stood dressed up in white.
The night that I'd been waiting for,
I'd found my Mr. Right!
I asked, "Daddy why am I so blessed?
I seem to have it all!
When some just have no luck,
they don't have much at all."
"Only God can answer that."
He told me with a smile.
"So ask him when you get there."
Then he walked me down the aisle.
Then thirty years flew by.
Two jobs, Dad's cancer, and my baby.
and Daddy's time grew shorter,
and every day became a maybe.
Then sadly the Dr. said "its time to say goodbye "
and by his bed I stood.
I just couldn't believe it,
that he'd be gone for good.
"Daddy why do you have to go?"
I asked him as I sobbed.
I knew it was his time,
but still, my heart felt robbed.
"I'll ask him when I get there..."
he told me with a smile.
"If I even care! I'll meet Jesus in a while!
I know you think that this will hurt you,
but these days are grains of sand,
and heaven is the Ocean!
We'll be together once again."
Copyright © Ashley Beaudre | Year Posted 2009
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Ashley Beaudre Poem
His love is deep and desperate.
He's crying out her name.
She once showed him affection,
but now she causes all his pain.
A broken heart never mended,
and promises never kept,
his mind grew painful and insane
as he laid silently and wept.
You can't pour out your whole heart
into a love based on a lie.
You're simply running in a circle,
if you're the only one who tries.
"We're here for you, call any time."
said all loved ones of his.
But no one else could ease his pain,
this girl he strongly missed.
He tied the rope around his neck
and reached out for her love,
but she rejected once again,
and fate gave him a shove.
Was death really his intention?
Or did it go too far?
No one on this painful earth
will see into his heart.
But he leaves behind a legacy,
a shining little girl.
May she be blessed with a heart that’s pure
in this cruel and painful world.
*Note*
Cory Decker, My man's best friend, and my best friends man, passed away on May 24,
2008, suicide, something none of us ever saw coming! He was a great friend, and a loving
father to his daughter, Jaden, only 5 months old at the time, who is now a happy smiling,
almost 2 year old Princess!
Copyright © Ashley Beaudre | Year Posted 2009
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Ashley Beaudre Poem
All I can do is wonder.
I'll never really know.
OI'll never get to hug her,
and she'll never see me grow.
When I wake up tommorrow,
this nightmare won't be gone.
I'll never have what I took for granted,
a chance to know my Mom.
I know I shouldn't cry,
because that won't bring her back.
It doesn't make up for the emptiness
or the love that I lack.
I'm almost grown up now.
I did it all by myself.
But I can't help but wish
I could be like everyone else.
I'm excluded from some "special bond"
and memories to be shared.
When all I ever asked for
was to have someone who cared.
The tearstains on my pillow
outnumber memories.
The only way I know her
is to see her in my dreams.
Daddy said she loved me,
but God called her home.
I don't know why he took her,
the only Mom I'd ever known.
I guess he has a hidden plan,
a reason I can't see.
I'm waiting for it to come together
and work out okay for me.
I hope I'll understand some day
just what God has in mind.
So no matter how much I miss my mother
I'll follow God's plan and be alright.
Copyright © Ashley Beaudre | Year Posted 2009
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Ashley Beaudre Poem
I cried eight tears for you,
so I thought I'd let you know
just incase you were wondering
why there are stains on my pillow.
The first was for what could have been,
the second, what we had.
The third was for the times we shared,
the fourth, when things went bad.
The fifth was for my love for you,
the sixth, your love for her.
The seventh was for my mistakes,
and the eighth because I'm hurt.
Will I have another chance
to be your one and only?
Or will my tears multiply
from being hurt and lonely?
Copyright © Ashley Beaudre | Year Posted 2009
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Ashley Beaudre Poem
"Once upon a time..."
every story starts that way.
Grandkids often listen
about stories from old days.
"I walked that route to my old school,
my oldest brother and me,
and then I joined the Air force.
We traveled, your Grandma and me."
"I used to work at a root beer stand."
Grandma tells us, as we whine
about how gas prices are going up,
"I took the bus, and made nickels and dimes."
Their story is like a country song,
in love through the years.
And then it dawned upon me,
their 60th anniversary is near!
I'll be married soon myself.
I hope we're just like them.
Two important people in my life,
I'm glad they took to him.
They go beyond their call of duty
with everyone they know.
Sacrifices and little things,
not enough appreciation shown.
Grandma, we love your tasty treats,
and Grandpa, your bright orange hat!
Thanks Grandma for sewing up my jeans,
thanks Grandpa for my baseball bat!
But also, more importantly,
thank you for your love.
To us, and to each other.
The Lord shines on you from above.
Copyright © Ashley Beaudre | Year Posted 2009
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Ashley Beaudre Poem
Blessed is she
who learned from her mistakes,
but not before it claimed
her simplest strengths.
She chated death
by God's mercy and grace.
A chance to turn sin
to thankfulness and praise.
New again;
In a dependant state,
in need of care,
in need of faith.
Blessed is she,
forgiven and pure.
A heart full of hope,
and a mind so sure.
Recovery is a journey
between she and the Lord.
Trust not in man,
but in him, and be cured.
*Note*
Michelle, my cousin, was in her 30's, and a mother to a young daughter. She drifted away
from God, and drugs and alcohol took their toll on her. One night she was found, maybe a
stroke? They said she wouldn't live, and if she, she would be a vegetable, but her child's
prayers gave her another chance. Today, only a couple years, she is using a wheel chair,
communicating well, and learning to use her hands!
Copyright © Ashley Beaudre | Year Posted 2009
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Ashley Beaudre Poem
Whats the point of love
if it only brings you tears?
Wether it be a few glorious months
or going on several years.
You'll either get a broken heart
when he leaves for someone new,
or at last death shall do you part
and you'll loose the one who loved you.
Whats the point of love?
I'm sure its easier to deny
the feelings that grow inside of me,
but that would be living a lie.
It might feel right now,
but when its said and done
it will be a waste one time
when we're back at square one.
Whats the point of love?
Its too bitter sweet.
But I guess its time that I give in
and finally admit defeat.
My hearts been taken over,
and I know it will get crushed.
But I'd go through it all again
just to feel his rush.
Copyright © Ashley Beaudre | Year Posted 2009
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Ashley Beaudre Poem
Late at night, my eyes are burning
as I try not to cry.
I hold my breath and wonder
why you had to die.
I try so hard to fight the tears
as I lay around and dream.
Memories of younger years...
I choke instead of scream.
You battled many problems
and overcame many things...
and you were only a child,
No, an angel without wings.
You never had the most attention,
but you never seemed to complain.
But suddenly everyone’s in tears,
just whispering your name.
You won't get to live the life
you very much deserved.
No job, no kids, just shattered dreams
because you've left this earth.
You were only sixteen.
Its not right that you're gone.
Your heart quit beating,
but didn't quit loving.
Your spirit will live on.
My heavy heart is filled with regret.
I didn't say I love you, or goodbye.
And with memories I'll never forget,
you taught me how to fly.
Sometimes I wish I could turn back time,
if only for a day.
After all, God answers prayers,
but this one is thrown away.
My vision is blurred with tears,
I miss you so bad.
But I close my eyes and see you clear
and don't feel quite as sad.
Pretty soon I'll be grown up
but you'll still be sixteen.
but like you said,
God has a plan,
and in the end I'll see.
*Note*
Jeramiah Jay Cook, my cousin, "buba" and friend passed away Christmas of 2004 at a party.
Rumors fly about what it really was. Alcohol, pills.. it had only been 2 months since his own
mothers death (mine had died in 96') and so he got his Christmas wish.. to spend it with his
Mom. He has been having a really hard time with with substance abuse, but it was far from
what I expected when my Aunt called Christmas morning.. Someone I had always looked up
to, and grown up with.
Copyright © Ashley Beaudre | Year Posted 2009
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