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Jasmine Scurr Poem
I became a soulless, void shell
After being faced with an inferno of rage from the person who should have bundled me into their arms,
And faced me with love and reassurance.
Copyright © Jasmine Scurr | Year Posted 2023
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Jasmine Scurr Poem
My soul was alight,
Crumbling into ash,
Screaming for a shred of understanding.
Whilst my soul was screaming in pain,
My ears burned with screams of anger,
From the person who should have bundled me into their arms,
Wiped away my tears,
And reassured me that my feelings are valid,
My feelings are allowed,
And emotions are central to being human.
Instead,
I was faced with anger,
Fury,
Rage,
Guilt-tripping,
And dismissal.
I was left,
Alone,
Questioning my self-worth,
And banishing all that made me human.
A soulless shell.
Void.
Copyright © Jasmine Scurr | Year Posted 2023
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Jasmine Scurr Poem
This dull, heavy ache never leaves my heart.
It is a constant reminder that I’m not good enough, and never was.
It’s a reminder that my body still holds all the feelings that I’ve never been able to process throughout my life.
It’s a slow corrosion of my soul,
It’s slowly losing hope that happiness exists.
It’s grief, recognising that my soul is slowly dying whilst my body remains alive.
It’s yearning for the end, but never truly being able to disappear.
It’s fear that death may be worse than this pain I’m feeling, and thinking I’m going to burn in hell for all eternity,
But at the same time praying that there is nothing on the other side.
It’s the pain of only ever being able to see the ways in which I will fail,
Or the pain of only being able to think about the things that are going to go wrong and the pain of knowing that I can never make anybody happy.
It’s the craving that I will fall asleep and never wake up.
And that the afterlife for myself is pure peace and darkness.
But it’s also the pain of knowing how my existence and feelings cause pain for the people I care about.
It’s the pain of knowing that there isn’t going to be any good outcome from my life or my death.
It’s the guilt of never being able to truly make the people I care about happy.
It’s the guilt of not being able to keep my feelings and pain inside anymore.
It’s the guilt of feeling loved and embraced, and being undeserving of kindness.
It’s the guilt of wanting so desperately for my life to end,
And it’s the guilt of feeling the way that I do, despite having a great life that others would dream of.
And knowing that my friends and family want me to stay alive for them.
But most of all, it’s the guilt that I’m physically, emotionally, and socially incompetent to cope with life,
And ultimately, I’m going to let everyone that matters down.
Which demonstrates why I’m such an evil entity.
Copyright © Jasmine Scurr | Year Posted 2024
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Jasmine Scurr Poem
The crack in the fake smile threatens to break her whole facade, the sadness that she has so convincingly managed to hold down for so long, now poses a danger to her image. This image, constructed as a means of protection for others, and herself; from herself.
Her thoughts were deafening, demanding her to not let the pain show, pleading her to keep the spiral contained and lock it back away within the depths of her body and soul, cage it within the prison at the pit of her stomach, and throw away the key.
So, it's behind bars, forgotten about... right? The tornado refuses to be detained, and burns through the prison's steel reinforcements, crumbling everything in its path with utmost ferocity and agony - personifying the anger and rage that had been internally crippling her for as long as she could remember.
The tornado inched higher and higher before it uncontrollably flew out of her mouth with a piercing, heart-wrenching scream and ice-cold waterfalls of tears and raindrops. She fell to her knees, clutching at her hollowed-out chest, watching fragments of glass separate and drop from her skin. Refusing to give up, she rapidly picks up each shard and fuses them back together into place, habitually wipes the tears from her eyes, and fixes the smile back on her face. With a deep breath, she heads back out into the battlefield of life, wearing her smile as her armour, ready to fool people for another day.
Copyright © Jasmine Scurr | Year Posted 2023
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