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Brynne Cua Poem
They constantly trample my dreams.
They hover over my fear.
They critisize my every stumble.
They scowl at my every tear.
They laugh and tell me I am weak.
They tell me to stop crying.
I beg for them to go away.
They tell me to stop trying.
And when I feel I will break
They try to make me agree.
But 'It's too late, I hate you now'
Is all they'll get from me.
Some will try to stop this cycle
But I know it can't be broken.
Can't you see the look in my eyes?
It's hopelessness unspoken.
I'll turn my tear-streaked face away.
I don't want your help or pity.
They nod with grim satisfaction.
'Cause this is MY forbidden city.
All this guilt, remorse, and fear
They make it so much nearer.
Why don't you fight back? you ask.
'Cause they are the ones in my mirror.
Copyright © Brynne Cua | Year Posted 2010
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Brynne Cua Poem
My resolve was solid:
An unmoving stone,
Covered in cold scars
From years of being alone.
I was never attached.
I kept my distance.
But you... drew me in
Despite my resistance.
Fascination, curiosity,
Grew to admiration.
Then gave rise to delusion:
My ultimate aberration.
I forced myself to think
That the signs were misleading.
That maybe somehow
I was just bad at reading.
But like dawn breaks,
The truth comes out.
I wanted to kill,
I wanted to shout.
My unmoving resolve
Demanded blood!
But before I could speak
Tears came, in a flood.
Now my resolve fails,
Faltering as I watch from afar.
The stone freezes again.
After all... it's just one more scar.
Copyright © Brynne Cua | Year Posted 2010
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Brynne Cua Poem
I am the scarlet parrot from the Amazon,
Intelligent, beautiful, passionate,
Trapped in a cage too small for my wings.
Bored,
With nothing but a pretty bell
To keep me entertained.
Lonely,
With nothing but a mirror
To keep me company.
Hungry,
With nothing but a sprig of millet
To keep me sustained.
Craving fascination.
Craving love.
Craving life.
Copyright © Brynne Cua | Year Posted 2014
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Brynne Cua Poem
For the longest time, I could not speak your name.
I could not write it; I could not bear to think it.
I was angry.
I was too young, too vulnerable, too powerless.
There was no justice for me, a mere girl.
I hated you.
Every fiber of my being writhed.
You became the scapegoat for my every misery.
I blamed me.
Was it my fault? I did not scream.
I did not fight, I did not kick, I did not wail.
I froze.
When I needed my strength and spirit the most,
It failed me; it sputtered into cold icy droplets.
I dreamed.
Years later, suddenly, for no reason at all,
You came to me in a dream.
You were real.
For the first time, it was not a reenactment
Of the unspeakable things you did to me.
An actual person.
You had not changed much physically;
You will always look the way you did on that day.
But you apologized.
You said you were tired of having to live with it,
You said you did feel the remorse all those years.
Too many years.
No more would you be the perpetrator.
You were tired of living with that weight.
Too heavy a burden.
I thought I would be enraged.
After all, one of my greatest pains back then,
One of the worst emotions that tore through my soul
like a howling, black wind:
the excruciating, heart-stopping fear
that you had no remorse. After all,
there had been no repercussion for you.
No justice for me.
Instead, I felt... understanding.
We have suffered, the two of us, for too many years.
Five years.
I refused to look you in the face, or speak your name.
But at last, after struggling so arduously, I knew:
I forgive you.
Copyright © Brynne Cua | Year Posted 2017
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Brynne Cua Poem
Upon the sun’s last dying ray… silver-weaved waves softly play,
The sweet fragrance of lilies white… and flame-red, and gold alight,
Is turned bittersweet on that day… this day of sorrow, oh do belay,
As heavy mourning and soft love fight… to give me a pause before dark night.
Golden sun slowly goes down to sleep… a burning heart, unsafe to keep,
The mourner’s cry, oh never scorn… as the sea, sun’s light does adorn,
Goldenly striking the soul, penetrating deep… in salt-filled water, wounds left to seep,
Quietly alone now, over the ocean forlorn… a pair, a couple to just one is torn.
And as the sun beats the soft sea... there is a distant melody,
Ashes are let loose to flow… fly quietly, to land in water below,
Go with peaceful ease so free… never forget you and me,
Memories shall become my foe… can’t you hear my heart, so slow?
In the last of the day’s sunlight beam... the cinders similar to stardust seem,
Floating away, a breeze in the air… beautiful yet wrought by despair,
Though I search for a comforting dream... I only find is only a cruel scheme…
Ashes gone, the metal left bare… I cry in love, for you’ve entered the ocean’s deep lair.
Copyright © Brynne Cua | Year Posted 2009
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Brynne Cua Poem
Lil white flakes falling to the ground,
Covering the dead roses all around.
Healing the wounds left by your knife,
Salvation for the poor, mourning girl's life.
Petals fall like dust from a forsaken angel's wings;
Beautiful like the song that my heart still brokenly sings.
She kneels beside an old gravestone,
Remembering the skies her heart had flown.
Now that heart lies broken,
As she cries over your love token.
Petals fall like dust from a forsaken angel's wings;
Beautiful like the song that my heart still brokenly sings.
Copyright © Brynne Cua | Year Posted 2010
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Brynne Cua Poem
I am afraid.
I am terrified.
Fear tortures my soul,
For love will be denied.
We are forbidden.
I understand!
But all this hurt
I can't withstand.
Can you let me love?
Is it too much to ask?
I force a smile,
Crying under my mask.
We are forbidden.
I understand!
But do I really care
About your demand?
Every footstep is dread.
Every heartbeat is fear.
I wish for my love...
So far, yet so near.
We are forbidden.
I understand!
But our love is eternal
Outlasting times of sand.
Can you not see
That I am dying?
It shows in my eyes
Even though my voice is lying.
We are forbidden.
I understand!
When I am gone,
Know it's by your hand!
I am afraid.
I am terrified.
Fear tortures my soul,
For love will be denied.
Copyright © Brynne Cua | Year Posted 2010
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Brynne Cua Poem
They told me to never look to the sun.
I tried but from temptation, I couldn't run.
I looked and its heat was binding me.
I looked and its light was blinding me.
They told me to never climb up the oak.
But deep within me, curiosity awoke.
I climbed and its leaves were touching me.
I climbed and its limbs were clutching me.
They tell me to never love the devil.
Yet he draws out my soul at an unspoken level.
I love and his voice is teasing me.
I love and his eyes are freezing me.
Copyright © Brynne Cua | Year Posted 2010
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Brynne Cua Poem
I refused to look you in the face, or speak your name.
But at last, at long last, I knew:
I forgive you.
Or at least I want to.
After five years of knowing that the pain was tearing me apart,
After three years of knowing forgiving you was in my best interest,
After one year of trying to convince myself to forgive you...
After one dream in which you were in a human being instead of a monster,
I finally want to forgive you.
It has been so long since I looked at your name.
It has been so long since I've written your name.
It still weighs down my hand like lead, but I shakily lift my pen and place it on the paper.
It is time to forgive.
I write it again and again.
I remind myself that you are a human being, not a monster.
It is time to forgive.
A nosy bystander looks over.
They assume I must be in love with you.
Why else would I write your name again and again,
until it begins to flow off the paper like a river of black ink?
Once, I would've been angry.
"Where were you, nosy bystander,
when I was alone and defenseless?
Where were you, nosy bystander,
when a naive girl was ruined?"
But I'm not angry anymore.
I'm not ruined anymore.
Because it is time to forgive.
For the first time, I can recall your face,
without cringing and feeling your touch on my body,
without choking on the oxygen that I'm trying to breathe in,
without burying myself in as many layers of clothing and blankets and mattresses and buildings as I can.
I can think your name, can write your name,
I can even speak your name.
Because, V, it is time to forgive.
Copyright © Brynne Cua | Year Posted 2017
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Brynne Cua Poem
Why did you tell me
You loved me so much?
Why did you lie,
Then burn me with your touch?
They tell me to forget,
To just let you go.
I try, so hard,
But the tears still flow.
Why did you hurt me
Cutting me deep?
Why did you turn away,
Letting my wounds seep.
I heard the scorn in your voice,
Saw the hate in your eyes,
And stood, shocked, disbelieving
That our times were lies.
Why did you leave me
With a heart of stone?
Why did you laugh
And leave me here all alone?
Copyright © Brynne Cua | Year Posted 2010
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