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The Wild and Wacky Humour of Stephen Wright
I wanted to build a skylight in my place.
My friends thought it was spurious.
So I went and built it anyway.
Now the neighbors above me are furious.
I got a dog a few months ago,
but he doesn't want to play.
I guess that can be a problem
when your dog's name is Stay.
I tried to draw my shadow once
but it really was tough doing.
I decided to give up after awhile
because my arm kept moving.
Some folks say I speak too softly.
They're kinda hard to please.
I say if you can't hear me,
it's 'cause I'm in parentheses.
I met a man from Japan today.
He greeted me with a bow.
He asked if I knew what time it was.
I said yes, but not right now.
I put tape on the mirrors of my house.
It's not something I usually mention.
I do it because I don't want to walk
accidentally into another dimension.
I have a plan for my future,
and I'm sure it won't cause friction.
When I die, I'm going to leave
my body to science fiction.
Sometimes, when I'm in a good mood,
I'll relax and drink some liquor;
then I'll open a window, look up,
and smile for a satellite picture.
Last night, I was on the bus
and met the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen.
She said she liked Jewish cowboys;
I said Hello, I'm Bucky Goldstein.
I went into an antique store.
It has great potential.
I bought a really old typewriter.
It only types in pencil.
I went into a bank today.
The decor was sublime.
A sign said 24 hour banking,
but I don't have that much time.
This story is a strange one.
Of that I have no doubt.
My neighbor has a circular driveway.
He just can't get out.
Copyright ©
Jim Healey
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