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Long How i feel Poems | Long How i feel Poetry

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Long Poems
Long poem by J. W. Earnings | Details |

The Inception: The Dark Side of Me

I’m broke without your love to repair me…

My young heart breaks into two and you push on the brakes…

Three strikez…you’re owt…. Get lost….that is my only plea

Our lives were at stake and we were taking way tooooo many risks…for my cat’s 9 sakes

We were 1…whatever happened to that?
Who release the rat? Was that you, cat?
We are 2…what’s wrong with you? 
Why did you lose your other shoe?
There it goes again…. ……… 

Let the pain I inflict upon you 
Internalize for a second or two
You filled my cup half empty…
You ran me over by words of deception
Why did I fall in love so easily? 
How come I fall victim to you?
Flames of uncertainty overwhelm my heart…
This is only the inception
Get up from the ground, you sheepish animal
Try your best to lift your head above the surface
Dead carcasses of negativity surround you now…
Your only hope is to grab the rope of hope,
But first let me grab it for you…
*we’re made as one…body….* said the voice in my head … …. …….. ……..
You need to rest on my shoulders for the meantime
Shocked out of the bloo…. Left without a clue
Don’t touch me…don’t lust over me…
I can see dirty secrets in your eyes of envious glee…
You knocked me out by your avalanching grace
Thought of you, drowning in the waters of woe…
You touched my heart in many ways…
You blew things into proportion…but it was “one of dose dayz”
You don’t even get the clues that I show you right in your face
I reveal to you my heart’s passion
And…you….tore…me…apart….
Can…you….just…take…heart….?
You take over me…you haunt me…
I step forward and you step backward…
Breathe into me…let me borrow your eyes…
Let me view the world in your eyes…
I want to know something…
I’m curious of what lies behind your sea-whirling eyes
Love me…DO please me…
the abyss is kissing me…
HATE ME…don’t COMFORT ME…
the light is fading out…
i need u
i want u
s p a y s e d  o w t  a l l  o v e  d e h  s u h h d d i n
mY LiFe IS fUlL oF errors…it ees a mezzzzzz
*IT’S TIIIIIME TO CLEAN UP YOUR ACT…………* said the voice in my head
I want to be feeling your heartbeat against my chest
I see the world beneath my feats…I’m above all…
Ill-um-i-nate me with syllabic pleajsher
My heart is skipping out on beats…I’m missing out and abandoned like an orphan, relying on a weeping widow…she bit me with denial…I was a flaw from the start….unfreeze this heart of mine…I’m as joyous as a swine, but as insidious as a serpent…but I’m feeeeeeeelin’ fiiiiiine…..ssssssssshhhh! Don’t tell nobody…d o  n o t  tell ahhhh sssssssssingle ssssssoul…don’t ma-a-a-ake a sound….you pushed me down to the ground s= s= embarrassed…I’m ready for anything right now…I’m lost, wearing an upside down frown and feel me…the pain that beats me and shreds me like paper….useless paper…I’m shattering like glass…after the kid’s ball hits through it…he’s in awe and he runs away…he hides the evidence of his foolish throwing skillz – this price is blooming bigger like a rose in the paws of the beast…you ssssspiral out of shhhhhight…I waited for you…alone….but I’m not on my own……….I’m not made as one – I’m two again…you inflict pain upon my tortured, tear-jerking soul…your veins become serpentine
To my own…we share each other’s blood
You WILL feel my pain, bud
the pressure of your gravity pulled me down callously
Distracts scar me…in a lightyear moment
Caught in a sugar-coated bliss of a dream
GrAzE iN YOUR OWN MAZE
There’s No Medication To Heal This Hart-ake…
I ake…I crave cake…I bake in the oven…feelin’ like a flake…
GIMMEEEEE A CHANCE…
GIMMEEEEE A TRY
I stand strong…brain damaged by your words of calculus-complicated definitions 
I fell harder…dig in my mind… 
((((( . ))))) push me in the margins why don’t you? I’m that dot in the middle of the brackets 
I want something more than what life gives me right now
I fought…I fought 
But, I’m not satisfied…
I’m loathed by many…
Maybe that’s what I feel like at times – LOATHED BY ALL
I’m unique…I’m an angry guy…
I wish I wouldn’t act like a fly…
I’m entitled to your love…
I can’t fly away like a happy-go-lucky dove
Death ove you stix to me like a leach in my mind…………
I need not man’s wizzdumb…no, not right now….
I need God’s KINGDOM and wisdom
God’s Kingdom + His wisdom = peace on Earth
It’s not dat complicated…
Do me a favor and indulge yourselves in the delicacies of sin
Listen listen listen not to the lies…listen listen listen to the heart that beats from deep within
My heart is sinking……
Patience is the key to living life to the fullest
Acceptance is the key to freedom … just try your best to pass this diff-eh-colt test
I deserve you and your gifts
Envying your talents…that’s juzz bramazing…
: ( sad to the core, 
but I don’t want to sadden you anymore
This revealed my crazyyyy side…
This darkness submitted to me and said its vows like a mesmerizing, yet spellbindingly evil bride…
I’m under your shpell……..
Change your mind….
Tear me apart and crawl inside of my cranium of titaniumb bliss….
Hardening by the minute…I crawl back into my comfort shell
Bring me to life and undo these lies in my head….
I’ve overheard you saying: “It’s hard for me to figure you out”
Dreams of demented, dangerous desire enrapture me…
Don’t choke me with your polluted nature of twisted reverie 

Have you changed your mind about me?
How do I look in the eyes of the thief?
Suck it up…I put my shoes on and I cut off the laces…I know – I’m doing this for stupid reasons, but I’m still the boy that’s bold
Thhhose laces remind me of you and I, separated forever in reality…cruel departure embraced us…we were the clouds, growing cold…
Your hugs don’t feel the same anymore, you see?
Here’s a heart/|\kerchief to wipe away your grief… … …
. .
. .
. .

Copyright © J. W. Earnings | Year Posted 2014


Long poem by Anthony Amero | Details |

Being American

I live in America, as in the United States of America, and that used to mean something. At least to me it did. And it’s not so much in how I was raised but in how I was couched by my country. While I was never one to really fall into the “mom, apple pie, hot dog and baseball” America ideal, I did believe in the land of the free and the home of the brave, where all men are equal and rights for all men. And I still do believe that ideal. Yet this country of mine keeps despairing me as I continually see a degradation of those ideals over the last fifty years. And I have this following theory.


We are a melting pot of all societies and prided ourselves on accepting everyone. But take a look at that for a minute. Look at Europe and Africa and their history for a minute, I did. Throughout recorded history Europe and Africa kept all religious and racial differences segregated in their different countries, or areas, and fought each other over ideological differences and over the generations a deep-seated, in-bred hatred developed for each other developed. Wars were begun for the simple act of mingling with other races or religions. This is fact, look it up. Now flash-forward to the new country, America, with its open borders accepting the oppressed, where all flocked to start a new life. Now you’ve got a huge influx of natural enemies flooding a nation and now they are supposed to just drop their in-bred prejudices? Play nice after centuries of discord? But for the Civil War, I’m surprised we haven’t erupted into total anarchy. But the whole point of this is that these people want to come here and keep their culture, their identity. I see no fault in that and don’t blame them, but that brings me right back to my original question, where, or more fundamentally, what, is it to be American?

I believe the original creators of the Declaration of Independence were visionaries. It bothers me at times to see various Facebook posts and other mentions of such things saying they were racist, or this, or that. I do believe there was a lot of that in many of the implementers of the document, but not really in the actual architects. Why do I believe that? Mostly for this statement: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness”. And the 11th Article of the Bill of Rights confirms the Declaration thusly: “The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people”. Yet in this country, just like in the mother countries of Europe and Africa, we suffered from racism and bigotry.  I believe this goes back to my theory of the melting pot of people who came to America. They couldn’t overcome their bigotry or racism or hatred just because they came over here, although some really tried. Yet I believe the architects of the Declaration were far-sighted enough to not try to create some sort of Utopia either, but rather a working, self-sustaining country that was governed by the people, for the people. The biggest problem as I see it was that it got too big … that’s not totally true. The biggest problem as I see it is politics and the “American Way”.


When is the last time you heard a politician run a campaign and only talked of the issues that concerned the people? I only see and hear them talk of negative things of their opponents. Why would I vote for anyone who tries to smear their opponent? How is that helping me or my neighbor? How is that serving the public good? How is that engendering trust? It’s not, in my opinion. And the “American Way”? Americans are far too smug, too fat and happy. There’s very little strife so we take way too many things for granted. Don’t believe me? This may seems simplistic and a little childish, but take your household chores for example. We live in a country where you can wash your dishes in hot water, can even use an automatic dishwasher, can even wash your clothes in an automatic washing machine and electric dryer. We have so many modern, electronic conveniences that it’s actually making us dumber. Don’t believe me? How many of you have lamented the young cashier at the convenience store who cannot make change unless the cash register tells them how much to give back? Basic skills are being eroded because of the useless conveniences we keep making in the never ending quest to make our American lives easier. It’s disheartening, really. Maybe it’s just me and progress really isn’t that bad, but I see proof everyday of the dumbing of America, and if you’re of a certain age I believe you see it, too.


So I see this huge country I live in, called America, filled with so many diverse people living in … harmony? I don’t know, I still see racial problems and still can’t figure out why. I have a very simple philosophy on life: while we’re not entitled to material things, every person is entitled life and respect to be who they are, so long as they do not intend to hurt others. And, for the most part, I’m happy enough and I am oh, so grateful that I live here, in America. I can say what I want, I can worship who I want – if I want – and I can aspire to become what I want, if I’m willing to work hard enough. And you can disagree with me, if you want. We have that freedom. Because we are living in America, and we are free. For now.


But I do worry about the future America and what it may devolve into.

Copyright © Anthony Amero | Year Posted 2016


Long poem by binibining P.iNk | Details |

Am I Turning into a Lizard Serial Killer

Hmmm, where do I start? With deep sighs, I am sighing right now.
I just finished burying 2 lizards, and my heart is heavy...

Let me back up a bit...bear with me if I might turn out to be confusing here,
but I just need to write this, release something, in some way
Although I must admit, this is not exactly what I had in mind to write for this day,
hopefully I can write something more decent later...

I have been wanting to write something for my brother since yesterday,
since February 26 is his 10th year death anniversary.
The words remained stuck in my heart, 'til I fell asleep.

Visited him again today, heard mass for him, 
ate a Chinese dinner with my parents and sister, went home.

I now needed dessert. Got a piece of Ferrero Rocher, but just one wouldn't do.
So I got a piece of Almond Roca this time and ate it while walking.

All this time, I have managed to keep my tears away
but maybe somehow, someway, if tears want to fall, they will find a way?

I walk to that area again as I ate that piece of chocolate-
when what do you know, what do you know??

Oh sighs.

I stepped on a lizard.  Again 

Yes. Almost exactly the Same area, tail falls off, and the lizard skitters away.

But. I did not slip this time. But, yes, I still screamed, scaring everybody again.

I. Could. Not. Simply. Believe. IT.

One month and 25 days after, I step on a lizard. Again.

Today, of all days. As if I needed more reason to be sadder.

This time around, I had the sense to try to find that lizard. 
I had to know if it lived, if it was okay.
I pushed away the nearby cabinet.
And there it was.
Rather, and there they were.

The lizard that I stepped on now
and the petrified remains of the lizard that I stepped on on new year's day...
the other one didn't live after all :(

I know it was that lizard, same area, no tail, who else could it be?
Survival mechanism, no match for my killer foot.

By this time, I am crying, sobbing. 
Seriously, the tears just start falling, and my heart so heavy.
And I know it's from the combination of so many things.
The day itself, what I had just done, just things running through me.

What broke my heart, was to see that lizard. 
I was wearing rubber shoes this time, last time I was wearing slippers.
And its guts had spilled from its sides. 
I couldn't help but keep on saying, "Oh, oh, oh lizard, I am so sorry"

I touched it feebly, and it was literally gaping its mouth.
I don't think I can ever forget that?
Such a small creature, gasping, with its insides out, 
its skin on its legs and body scraped.
In pain.
Dying.

And it was all my fault.

My sister was there with me, trying to help in her own way.

But yes, there's nothing you can really do...I didn't want to stress it even more,
and let death finish what I did. 


There's so much I can glean from this, and I want to ramble on, so badly
but I will try to stop myself from rambling too much.

I put the two lizards, along with a note, the dates when I stepped on them 
(ok, killed them), and placed them carefully in a chocolate truffle box.

I buried them and still feel so sorry.

In some ways, this is can be so funny, and just  freaky & crazy (what's new, this is me?)
What were the odds??? Same place, same thing happening.
And I can't help but roll my eyes at myself as well, just finding it so hard to fathom
how I stepped on not just one but Two lizards in just two months.

I bet that the lizards are all afraid of me now, 
saying how I am a lizard killer. A serial lizard killer.
MO: stepping on them while screaming, maybe my screams also killed them off?

I actually took photos of both lizards, I am not sure why though.
Oh dear God, help me, I am acting like one, even documenting them.

I tell you, as I watched that lizard die, I couldn't help but just also
think of St. Jude (for the impossible) and St. Francis of Assisi (for animals).

I know he was dying, but somehow, yes, prayers still comfort me.

I just feel so guilty, with this happening. 

I still can't help but cry for those lizards, death by me, for no reason at all,
no purpose served.

Animals, people....death.

I know it's all a part of life... 
but it still doesn't change the fact how death can change us
and of how I am responsible for two lizard deaths.
I know they were just small animals, but Still. They were living creatures.

Death can change us in small ways, some in big ways, negatively or positively.

It all boils down to death transforming us one way or another...

I won't expound on it anymore, this is too long,
but one of the ways I can think of comparing it to, is that of a chemical change,
maybe of the spirit, the soul? Not merely a physical change.


And we can never be the same. 






022720141207123552

Copyright © binibining P.iNk | Year Posted 2014


Long poem by J. W. Earnings | Details |

The Aura of Time: Don't Ask Why I'm an Ambivert

***I KNOW IT'S LONG...please don't tell me to shorten my poems or songs because I'm expressing myself through poetry. Thank you ahead of time. I did write concise poems. Check those haikus I wrote on this site. Go for it if you like short and concise verses.***

The aura of time-time-time
The aura of time-time-time
The aura of time-time-time
What-what-what goes around comes back around-round-round…
Don’t make a sound, dunk down to the ground-ground-ground…
This time, this squanderin’…XOXOin’ time…
This is my pozitiv POE rhyme…rhyme…rhyme… 
The aura of time-time-time
The aura of time-time-time
The aura of time-time-time
I will shine…you’ll shine…
For, you are mine…mine…mine…

{verse 2} Where have you been all my life-life-life?
You game me-me-me peace strife-strife…me, the husband wife…
Reality’s demise cuts me like a jagged knife-knife-knife
I’m alive! I survived! I’m alive! HANDSOME HURTS….HURTS….HANDSOME HURTS…
I need to get a life and so do you…SIC of UR outbursts…you are one of those foolish experts
I’m my worst enemy, my bestest of friends – I take regret’s seat, sneezing on the sad beat
I was the overcomer of my obstacle until not all ends meet – that’s not at all neat-neat-neat
I’m hard not to be considered bias or a discriminator in society…that’s the battle I do tackle
I want to be under your roof, but the sky is the limit…in the Lord’s terribly terrific tabernacle
I’ve given up for the two of us (to be together as one)
I want to be in the same bus with you without a fuss (the battles we fought=we won)
You’re being a diffult guy, I ain’t gonna lie…truth hurts
I’m acting confident shy; like the ambiverts…with their balanced efforts…
Our love affair is so fair 
Right now, let’s live life
Without a fear or a care
Shatter away all remaining strife

{hook} {pre-ch} {ch}

{verse 3} I’ve carried off on the wrong place at the wrong time
But, I’m carrying on and moving on from this struggle-of-a-time
Gettin’ weary off of your shadow sun ways…you’re masked happy-craze
This time-time-time, I’ll make our time sublime like those crazy ol’ days
Where have you been lately
Lately-lately-lately…hunny bunch?
I haven’t seen you frankly…
Frankly-frankly, a bit shady much?
Do you have any sympathy? Empathy? 
You, instead-ead-ead, give me apathy…
So heartless of you to desert me for life-life…for life-life
And the tragedy of your departure gives me peaceless strife
I’ve given up for the two of us (to be together as one)
I want to be in the same bus with you without a fuss (the battles we fought=we won)
You’re being a diffult guy, I ain’t gonna lie…truth hurts
I’m acting confident shy; like the ambiverts…with their balanced efforts…
Our love affair is so fair 
Right now, let’s live life
Without a fear or a care
Shatter away all remaining strife

{hook} {pre-ch} {ch}

{freestyle} Your love is killing me softly 
Your French kiss is making me blush awfully
I’m fond of it day in and night out…then, you hushed my victory shout
Without a single doubt, we went our own route…what’s that all about?
You’re my sheltering abode 
I’m prince charming, not the toad
I can carry your emotional load
If you can return the favour and guess my clever code 
It’s your touch, it’s your lips against mine
All of you loves all of me – I’m feelin’ fine
You are a friend-till-the-end and a foe-foe-foe-fo-show
Though, we go our own flow, you know…you should know…
I don’t know where your blessed breeze blow 
or… 
where your sunlit moonbeams shimmer aglow
for…
I am the dove of the day that embraces my somewhat unique flow…I go to and fro
And
You’re the midnight crow, stop being a drama king on the Big Bang Theory show…
Understand
That I’m nocturnal to the core
Considered an attention whore
What are we both waiting for?
There’s some down and dirty XOXO’s that we haven’t done yet, but it’s in store in the future for shore,
The one I adore…
My opportunity door…
From the sky to the floor…
So hear me out – don’t ignore me as if I’m your chemistry teacher, lecturing without further ado…being a ridiculous, mean-ass bore…fo-shore…need I explore and implore?

{bridge}Your elegant envy, your stubborn ways hit me hard…
So I bite the bullet, though eye, alone, is the bipolar bard… 
Our XOXO’s and our cuddles…pleasure schemes…
Fulfilled pleasure beyond measure dreams and goals, not falling away by the seams – 
I adore I can’t deny…DoN’t AsK wHy ?.!?.!
No lie-lie-lie…so don’t cry-cry-cry…
Our hello got goodbyed
Our goodbye got helloed
Aloha, baby bliss from afar…my shiny star…
I’m so near to you in this stuffy, black car…
Ur my favourite ride…
Abide by my side,
Don’t subside,
My lovely ode abode

Copyright © J. W. Earnings | Year Posted 2016


Long poem by DENNIS DE ROSE | Details |

That's Chuck, He's my Friend

What's that in your hand?. Let me see.. He said.
It's a picture; that`s Chuck; he is my friend... I said.
You pick your friends kinda young, don't you?... He said.
No, that was a long time ago. We were in college... I said.
I'd like to hear more about your pal Chuck... He said.

Okay... I met Chuck in New Paltz in `74... I said.
Oh, that's the pot smoking college, isn't it... He said.
Don't generalize, everyone's not the same... I said.
You're right. So tell me some more about Chuck... He said.
Okay, so you want the short version, or long one ... I said.
Whatever you like, I have plenty of time ... He said.

Well, this guy Chuck approaches me; he looks perplexed... I said.
So what was his issue. Why that look on his face... He said.
Chuck tells me "No one will stay with me in the room."... I said.
How odd is that? That doesn't make sense... He said.
You and I swing one way, Chuck swings the other. ... I said.
Now I see what the problem was; What did you do?... He said.
What do you think ? That doesn't bother me.... I said.

Hey, you want to hear a funny story? It's a side splitter... I said.
I've got time. I could use a good laugh right about now... He said.
Chuck had a 53 Schwinn bicycle, all chrome, red and white... I said.
You've got to be kidding me. I haven't seen one in years.... He said.
I'd hop on back. We`d go to town and chug down a few together... I said.
That's not funny. Where's the punchline? So what happened?... He said.
Well, one day Chuck failed a test and got super pissed off.... I said.
That's not funny either. You've got to do better than that.... He said.
He yanked on the handlebar so hard, he busted it clean in half... I said.
Wow ! Did they have "Funniest Home Videos" back then?... He said.

That's not all. We had so much fun together. There's more... I said.
Don't keep me in suspense. Lay it on me..... He said
There was this girl; unique with a special attribute.... I said.
What was so special? Three breasts instead of two?... He said.
No joke, her name was Madam Clittora! Enough said... I said.
I can't believe that. You gonna leave me hanging?... He said.

Anyway, shortly after that, I graduated. Chuck was younger.... I said.
So what happened to Chuck? Good friends keep in touch... He said.
We saw him two years later. We visited With his family, was nice... I said.
Ever see them again? You shouldn't desert a friend.... He said. 
You're right. But things don't always pan out... I said.
So what does that mean? You both seemed quite close.... He said.

I was married at the time with a lot of responsibilities... I said.
So that's no excuse. You should've kept in touch... He said.
After that, I didn't. Time changes things. Wasn't intentional.... I said.
So is there more to this story? There's got to be more... He said.
Oh, there is. Time moves on. 35 years later... I said.

It's 2010 and out of the blue, I think of my old pal Chuck... I said.
So you didn't forget him after all, but almost... He said.
It's a gamble, Chuck Drzal was in the phonebook; I called... I said.
Good for you. You took a chance, renewed a friendship... He said.
You're right. Just like old times. `74 again. What a feeling... I said.
So what happened next. Tell me quick, can't wait... He said.

We talked off and on, old times and new things; it was good... I said.
So it sounds like things are really working out for you guys... He said.
We saw Chuck, in the summertime; looked good for 52... I said.
Hey that's great news; Is there more to the story?... He said.

A little more... His friend died the day after we saw him... I said.
Oh, bummer. Sorry to hear that. How`s Chuck now?... He said.
Called him in November. His diamond ring was stolen... I said.
Wow ! That's a real downer. Did they catch the bastard?... He said
No !... I said.

There's got to be more than that. Call him since then?... He said..
Yeah... but... I called twice... he never answered the phone... I said.
Well, I hope you find out how he is doing?... He said.
I did. Saw his obit a few days ago. He died November 17th... I said.
 
 He looked at me. A tear rolled down his cheek... He said nothing..
I looked at him. Couldn't speak, all choked up.... I said nothing.
He looked at me. Gave me a hug, turned and walked away.
I yelled to the universe... "That's Chuck, he's my friend!"

Copyright © DENNIS DE ROSE | Year Posted 2013


Long poem by J. W. Earnings | Details |

Pouring Sun

Breathe in and out and don’t fall for the lies of society
We are breathing in pollution of poverty
Heartaches are blameless, but I am blameful 
Shattered and insignificant…left on the floor…wasteful

Apparently, you are different and better than me
Aren’t you lonely and fading?
Running my mouth and flipping out frankly, frankly
Can’t believe you’re miserable and hating!
Press your body against my own…
We are one, no longer two
Like black and white skies…we blend…you’re my backbone
Right in front of the insanity of my sadness so blue

You’re so distant and far from my reach
Your love, your kind of dynamic love I beseech
Fast speed of shapes shape-shift right before my eyes
Love is working and you run me over by your lies

Apparently, you are different and better than me
Aren’t you lonely and fading?
Running my mouth and flipping out frankly, frankly
Can’t believe you’re miserable and hating!
Press your body against my own…
We are one, no longer two
Like black and white skies…we blend…you’re my backbone
Right in front of the insanity of my sadness so blue

Pouring sun drenches in my eyes of reflections and shadows
Collecting woes…bruises and clues of faithless woes…
Holding unto me once more, winter froze me long ago
Shades and hues of uncertainty clothe us all…so? So?

Apparently, you are different and better than me
Aren’t you lonely and fading?
Running my mouth and flipping out frankly, frankly
Can’t believe you’re miserable and hating!
Press your body against my own…
We are one, no longer two
Like black and white skies…we blend…you’re my backbone
Right in front of the insanity of my sadness so blue

You ignored my calls and messages of a billion light-years of love
Don’t you know, you little sparrow, that wings of flight comes from up above?
Sacred sanity crowns my head and I pray you sift out the dread
Shielded by God’s royal grace, I see your face with an outlandish, yet total trippy trace

Apparently, you are different and better than me
Aren’t you lonely and fading?
Running my mouth and flipping out frankly, frankly
Can’t believe you’re miserable and hating!
Press your body against my own…
We are one, no longer two
Like black and white skies…we blend…you’re my backbone
Right in front of the insanity of my sadness so blue

Beautiful as you were to me,
You’ll never, ever see it, the beauty
The beauty
The beauty I long to be…
I long to be…
Free,
Can’t you see?
Will you ever see?

Apparently, you are different and better than me
Aren’t you lonely and fading?
Running my mouth and flipping out frankly, frankly
Can’t believe you’re miserable and hating!
Press your body against my own…
We are one, no longer two
Like black and white skies…we blend…you’re my backbone
Right in front of the insanity of my sadness so blue

So blue…if only you knew
So blue…if only you knew
The dark secrets of time
You got to try…
You got to try to fly
Internalizing isolative comments
Negativity and what not
Has left me to rot

Apparently, you are different and better than me
Aren’t you lonely and fading?
Running my mouth and flipping out frankly, frankly
Can’t believe you’re miserable and hating!
Press your body against my own…
We are one, no longer two
Like black and white skies…we blend…you’re my backbone
Right in front of the insanity of my sadness so blue

Enflamed by encouragement
Deflamed by discouragement
Holding in resentment
Deceived by the heart many-a-time…
Pardon my lack of enthusiasm…sin is crime
Sin is crime
Sin is crime
In a flick of a dime

Apparently, you are different and better than me
Aren’t you lonely and fading?
Running my mouth and flipping out frankly, frankly
Can’t believe you’re miserable and hating!
Press your body against my own…
We are one, no longer two
Like black and white skies…we blend…you’re my backbone
Right in front of the insanity of my sadness so blue

Whatever or whoever you want to become,
Be that person, not the numb victim of dumb
For you are not dumb, you are smart
And smartness comes from the heart
I memorized it by heart
The moment we both broke apart

“Be a dream-catcher, not a dream-destroyer”

“Demolish not and construct a lot”

Pouring sun has won
Dim moon has lost

Copyright © J. W. Earnings | Year Posted 2015


Long poem by J. W. Earnings | Details |

Poverty, Angst and Anxiety Dx

In the mirror, I see my face melt away in shame
And, yet I still hunt for game…feeling this shame without a well-thought-out 
name

I hunt you down to catch some inspiration
I’m not looking for fame…I want to see you flourish with anticipation 
But, my heart’s pumping with aggravation  
Why do they put labels on me? Why do I devour their debris?
Perhaps, it makes them feel satisfied… to know that I had a psychotic 
breakdown
Why me? How did I end up in a mental institution? I wish I could flee…
I wish I could…I wish I knew
The true answers…but I’m left to question my own actions…
Not to seek satisfactions…
I want to be set free…
From poverty…
angst…
and anxiety…
How can you comfort me…how can you save me… 
In this time of tribulation?
Do you sense my distasteful, hideous frustration?
You are a supportive companion, I see…
I still think of you fondly…of course I do, you see…
I think of you being with me possibly
I’m gazing dreamily at your sparkling eyes
Were you aware…(didn’t you know…) 
I was waiting for you on the other side of the barbed wire fence? 
Tear collapse in the palms of my right and left hand, 
Drenched in desolation and I’m seeking repentance 
Where are you? 
Where did you go off to?
Are you grazing in your own outlandish maze? 

(~!@#$%^&*()_+)

Fear arise from their deathbeds and lands in my mind (a misery magnet as it 
is)
Don’t plant regret that catches me off guard
Life can get so hard…life can get so hard…
It’s something I’d discard if I had the guts to do it
I’m a distressed, demented and determined bard
But, I’ll become a flourishing, upbeat, and earnest poet 
One day, I wish to be a light that illuminates the reader’s mind
Grace in your own maze – you can’t have my land! It’s a land only I could 
understand!
I must stand tall and make a triumphant stand!
I hope you don’t mind me being blind temporarily
This test of being blindfolded is difficult and gets me out of my shell 
completely
I’m a deck of playing cards with a missing card, however, I’m played with all 
over again, waiting for the battle to begin
Pushed in the margins… pushed out of shape, indulging myself in this one 
particular sin!
Where’s my kith and kin? They are in my heart, deep within! 
If you only wore my skin, you'd understand what I've been through...if you 
only knew (help me find my other shoe) O.o
If you slipped into my shoes, you'd be sympathetic, instead of criticizing me 
out of the blue... (I'd say otherwise, knowing you...) o.O
I can taste a smile creeping in..it’s such a surprise – a gift I prize
I will never despise it, 
But don’t you know that I’m not wise and trapped in my poverty pit?
I’m staring longingly at your crackling, dazzling eyes that singe with fire
Your grin is what I hold dear – 
Tt’s a gift that I prize…
Giving me natural highs
You fought the battle and the wind whistles in our ears…
Sorry for releasing these tears that have been in captivity inside of me
It has been in captivity in me for so long, longing to be free…
I tell the voices in my head to leave…
In Christ’s name, will you leave?
Just let me breathe for a second…I can’t believe 
 I didn’t tell you that I care for you so much…
I’d give up my life for you
Vanity is not what I reap this time
I’d sacrifice myself for you
Spending time with you is wicked and sublime – 
It’s another mountain to climb
It’s another arduous adventure – time flips like a rusty dime
I’d do anything for you…I’d give you satisfying vibrations, vibes and chills
You gather merriness in the flower hills
You harvest paradise and sprinkled it upon my wings – this feeling never kills
This feeling never kills my positivity 
Do you long to flee like me? 
Do you wanna sprout with me like a nourished tree?
You fought my battle and you looked after me when I was alone at home
You shot the predator down (YOU MADE A BULL’S EYE!)…he was tracking me 
down like a spy…
Life holds such a significant meaning…despite the gray clouds 
That frown upon me so…like an envious enemy, wearing hatred shrouds
Nothin’ but gray skies blanket my eyes…
I’m pretending to be included in the crowd
When I’m alone, I don’t feel alone with God keeping an eye on me
I pray earnestly and willingly…

Copyright © J. W. Earnings | Year Posted 2014


Long poem by Darian Rehder | Details |

Love, Death, and Rebirth

The signs started in December
When she started waking up in tears each night
She was a normal girl with dark brown hair and darker brown eyes
She had plenty of friends and a loving family with just one thing missing
Her father. 

Days passed by and turned into weeks but only felt like a few seconds
Her life just whizzed by faster and faster until it was just a whirr in front of her eyes
Darkness filtered into her heart and mind until she didn't know if she could go on
But she had to. She couldn't let her mother and her sister drown in this same pain
She wouldn't let them.

She pushed all the darkness into the depths of her own heart
In hopes to save the hearts of the two people she had left
Because what else was there to live for now?
The rest of her world had crashed and her mother and sister was all that was left 
She wouldn't let them drown in pain too. 

She watched as they started to heal in her loving arms
Their hearts started to lighten up once more
But hers was just as dark as it was before 
And growing darker day by day 
But she wouldn't let that stop her. 

Suddenly a year had passed... and then two 
It only seemed like seconds to her but everyone else started moving on
Her mother and sister no longer needed her nurturing care
But she needed someone to hold on to
Anyone...

With nothing left for her to take control of, the dark pushed past her boundries 
It found a way into her soul
Until all she could see was dark and no light 
But her mother and sister were healed now
They didn't understand

The tears came back and engulfed her soul
Bit by bit until she wasn't sure why she was still alive
The grief took over like knives 
Piercing her skin over and over and over
It hurt so much.

She started to wonder what it'd look like to be dead
She could see him again if she was
Wouldn't it be so much easier than having to endure this pain?
Wouldn't it be so much easier than having to live knowing she'd never see him again?
It would.

So she started to hate herself
All that negative energy was starting to take toll
Everyone around her was breathing while she suffocated more and more by the second
She wished she'd just choke already instead of living in constant pain
If no one would put her out of her misery, she'd have to do it herself

She couldn't see any light anymore
So she grabbed the pill bottle off the shelf and just hoped it wouldn't take long to die
Deep down she still had a spark of light, but she just couldn't find it 
And now it was too late in her mind to change, to turn back and try to look deeper
She was done living.

That's when people started to notice that everything wasn't as peaceful as it seemed
They started to see how deeply depressed she had become
They wanted to help her see the light again before it was too late 
So they sent her away to see doctors and to take pills to make everything better
It was a start.

She didn't see a change at first but suddenly she could think clearly
Maybe what they were doing was actually going to help her see the light again
Yes, she still wanted to die, but maybe that wasn't the only option anymore
They cared,  and behind all their own problems they were trying to understand
They really were trying

Six months longer she would be treated and cared for
Until suddenly she was sent home from her treatment and care with a smile on her face
She had a new perspective
Someone had helped her ignite that spark in her heart until it was a glowing ember
She had been reborn

Sometimes you have to be able to experience the worst of it
To come back shining brighter than before
And if she had died that cold day in October, she wouldn't of ever seen the best of it
Or known that it would get better
and it did!

And she now sits at her laptop, with a smile on her face and warmth in her heart
It's never been an easy road and it won't ever be
But at least she knows she's lived through the worst
And it can only get better from here

So whenever she feels lonely or gets back into that dark spot again
She can look back on what she's learned and can read this poem
And remember that she survived the darkest depths of depression
And she will continue to survive it as long as she lives
Because she is stronger now than she ever was before ?

Copyright © Darian Rehder | Year Posted 2013


Long poem by J. W. Earnings | Details |

Hands Down Unto the Floor

Opening the Drawer 
Letting out my there's-my-phone Roar

Destined to live life to the fullest
Relevant determination of the writer flows in my good blood
Envy not, competition - so be it
Amphibious animals corner me as if I'm victim to these predators of the deep river-forest
Message to all the readers - my fiction writing comes in handy in my verses...my imaginary takes the best of me sometimes...a target of fantasy in a nightmare of reality 

Thrown to the Floor
Worthless...priceless - not Anymore
Here's an ajar Door
There's some awesome merchandise in this Store

How is it like to have the spotlight?
Aflame by the pangs of your passion 
Nailed to the wall...mark on me like your bulletin board 
Do accomplish all your goals involving you and I...check it off every time; if you fail to do something, don't childishly cry
Say, there is always tomorrow and yesterday is in the back burner

I'm the paper that you Tore
Wanting your attention much More
Taken as an interesting Bore
But you, I still admire and Adore

Dangerously participating in trash talk...knowing that love is on my side - say what?
Over-excited, but nervous about publishing this 101st poem online...but I'll do it anyways, despite my doubts and silent wars thereof
Wishing you were here with me someday...so I can show you that I care for you, no matter what shade you are - red or blue...doesn't matter much to me if only you knew
Nevermind...I don't want to cause drama and be crowned as King of Kaotic Katastrophe  

Soar with me in blue-green Sky Seas
For you and I are meant to be as one at ease
Galore glory we will feast on for the rest of our wealthy lives
Pouring sun has made happy almost all husbands and wives 

Undo the aftershocks of my yesterday's demise
Never, ever tell me, in your eyes, that I am wise
True in some sense...but I am a gullible individual 
Oh, for your information, I'm caught in between the temporary good and evil dual 

Poor as poor can be in reality and my dreams as rich as rich can be
Wore off all of my clothes...sorry...
It just hit me to the Core
It doesn't help when I hear your negativity, as loud as a Snore

Tranquil remedies heal my wounds and scars
Help from God is satisfaction beyond all-aspects bars
Empty be, but soon to be whole again...maybe...

Craving a Smore
But my heart did Swore
That my silhouetted sorrow will not be a  Downpour
Please forgive me for being a player...I'll change my ways, though change is a challenging chore 

Fangs protrude from the lion's mouth as he devours the innocent, feeble sheep 
Like that victim of the predator of the wild prairie, I am a languishing weakling  
On and on, I venture off into vacant, tattered-and-torn villages
On and on, I venture off into unique nature for about a few ages
Rummaging for remaining hope in my cellar of sanity...somewhere in the ground I reckon...

Washed ashore 
Like a shell of the sea...as radiant and peaceful...the opposite of video games full of Violence and Gore
I am a little, insignificant Lore 
I am a modern-day tale from ancient history - centuries ago, years ago, yonder yore

Ignore the ignorant 
Score...you humbled the arrogance like a comparison of an elephant's size to an ant's size...now, that's magnificently brilliant  

Really looking forward to the future eagerly...
Elevate my spirits of once lost hopes
And I will boost up my confident joy and faith towards You from Most High 
Little on, you were belittled by Giants...I understand how it feels to be judged by appearance and size - don't let it get to you and fight with your might or let it all go in tragedy in reverse verse 
I see the battle between peace and war in my illuminated cranium and it's hard to explain it in details - speechlessly, in awe...is this bad or good? I don't know what to expect in the afterlife all the way, but we'll know somehow, someday
To be honest, writing this was rather a difficult challenge from the beginning to the end...
Yes, this is the last line and yes, I am an accomplished poet with incomplete progress more or less...eye must confess...

Copyright © J. W. Earnings | Year Posted 2016


Long poem by Loch David Crane | Details |

The Mojo Trick

The Mojo Trick
Loch David Crane
June 1979

Sweat-sticky and hot! The P. I. is not
	a comfortable place to be;
but sit here and perspire (as though by the fire)
	and I'll tell a tale to thee.

I was coming alive in a Philippine dive
	after Mojo and San Miguels;
 the raging fire in my stomach went higher
	but my sea legs rode out the swells.

I began with a pitcher of Mojo that hit
	a spot in my appetite;
and glass after glass I drank till the last
	and soon was feeling just right.	

Then a hostess sat down in a low-cut gown
	and asked "I sit with you tonight?"
And I nodded OK in a nonchalant way
	so she seated herself on my right.

Now the hostesses here are all drink San Miguel beer
	And the same is served all around;
but it don't show much class to charge five times' a 	glass
when serving's the same size per round.
So you pay a dear price to drink beer over ice
	which is how it is served in P.I.;
if you buy a girl beer when she says "I work here,"
	then she knows you're a Big Spender guy.

So I looked at this girl and my mind began to whirl
	and the Mojo played a trick.
Her face was so funny – a nose like a bunny –
	I wouldn't let her flick my Bic!

I won’t call her ugly, but with that funny mug she'd
	make customers run and hide;
you could send that girl in to a crowded room; then
	watch as horrified man stepped outside.

So as I drank my beer with a grin ear  to ear
	I said "My name is Billy, I think."
She was hardly demure; she said "My name is La Tour.
	I love you no lie.  Buy me drink."

Well I should have said "no," and let the chick go
	but I wasn't alone in the place;
and the thought of all night with this dog was a fright
	though her body was nice – but that face!

I thought "just one more brew,” cause I'd only had two,
	and I said that I'd buy her a drink.
Then she gave me a grin with her toothless brown chin
	and my self image started to sink.

But because I was shy (I'm just that sort of guy)
	I just couldn't tell her to leave;
so I stared at the band and I drummed with my hand
	and I brushed off the lint from my sleeve.

Well the music was fine; but the bar girl's next line
	was to say "Are you married, young man?"
And I saw my way out and lied with a pout –
	told her I had a wife in Japan.

So she finished her beer, and was soon gone from here,
and I ordered two beers to celebrate;
I was lucky, I thought, not to get caught
	between her and a magistrate.

For the Philippine girls wear long dresses and curls
	and use perfume and makeup for baits;
for to marry a guy, seaman or G.I.,
	means a free trip back to the States.

Then a man from the crew asked me "What's wrong with 	you?
	Why did you let that girl go?"
And I told him her face was scare spots off an ace
	but he looked back at me and said "No."

I called for "beer 12" and started to delve
	into my pocket for money;
my friend said "I'll buy," and his cash didn't lie,
	and "Mind if I sit with your honey?"
I said "you can do just what you want to do,"
	and I said that I couldn’t look at her;	
but he thought she was cute, had a nice bod to boot,
	so I nodded to go ahead after.

But beer thirteen made my vision grow keen,
	and I saw what a prize I had missed;
"I have drunk too much brew!   She was beautiful, too."
	as I saw him voluptuously kissed.

I thought "How could this be? She said she loved me! "
	My hand shook; my ice cubes went clink.
I heard her say to him "My name is Tuptim.
	I love you no lie.  By me drink."

So I smiled. I was glad; I was no longer mad
	'cause the Mojo had clouded my eyes;
I realized then she was after my friend, 
	and I hoped he was quick with his lies.

So it's "sailor beware!" In Olongopo there;
	where the girls fish for guys in the bars;
and though I often roam, I always come home,
	– single! Thanking my lucky stars.

– By the Phantom of the O2 level

(O1 and O2 are Officer’s and Civilians’ quarters on the USS Kitty Hawk; I taught English aboard several ships at sea, in the Program Afloat for College Education.)

Copyright © Loch David Crane | Year Posted 2014


Long Poems