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I hate the birth mark under my right eye
I hate my extremely static hair
I hate my big bottom lip
I hate my spotty nose
I hate that I have really *****y times
I hate that people only remember me for my really *****y times
I hate that the real *****es hate me
I hate being cautious so they don’t ***** about me
I hate that I cry over everything
I hate that people know I cry over everything
I hate that I hide from them anyway
I hate that they actually don’t care
I hate the fact that my brother is leaving home next year
I hate the fact that I cried when he told me that
I hate the fact that I hid my tears from him
I hate the fact that he’s all I really have left
I hate my father for making me feel like he doesn’t care about me
I hate my mother for making me feel like she picked him over me
I hate that my brother had to look after me when they couldn’t be bothered
I hate that, in my eyes, they don’t deserve to be called mum and dad
I hate that when I was younger I had to run away from my father
I hate that my mother and brother left me by myself that day
I hate that they left me closer to my father
I hate that they went somewhere I would have felt safer
I hate that I feel like my friends are slowly fading away from me
I hate that I feel like I’m a third wheel
I hate that I feel like my friend’s don’t trust me
I hate that I feel like I can’t trust my friends
I hate the feeling of loneliness
I hate that I read books to escape to a world better than mine
I hate that I write to create a better life than my own
I hate that people want to invade that one heaven I invented
I hate that people ask me why I made Katy Clover Taylor
I hate that I had to make a role model for myself
I hate that she is the person I desperately want to be
I hate that she is the one thing I will never live up to
I hate that I feel like my grades would grasp my families attention
I hate that feeling of disappointment when I get a bad grade
I hate feeling like I have to live up to an expectation to hold their attention
I hate that I am relied on because of my grades
I hate that I am an older mind trapped in a younger body
I hate that I am limited in what I can do because of my age
I hate not being trusted upon
I hate people treating me as a kid
I hate not telling people how I feel
I hate hiding behind an invisible barrier
I hate not being able to share how I feel with people
I hate being scared that they won’t care.
I hate people judging me
I hate judging people
I hate that feeling of giving up
I hate the feeling of losing when I didn’t give up
I hate the choices I have made
I hate that nobody thinks I can live up to my dream
I hate people thinking they are so much better than me
I hate the fact that they are right
I hate that I will never make a good girlfriend
I hate the fact I know nobody would fall for me
I hate knowing that no one would help me pick up my life
I hate that it has fallen apart
I hate hurting the people I love
I hate them not loving me anymore
I hate knowing that what I would do would hurt people
I hate the fact I do it anyway
I hate knowing that I do all of this
I hate knowing I hate all of this
I hate trying to change it
I hate that I am not able to change it
I hate that I try not to give up hope
I hate knowing all hope is lost
I hate that I still try and cling to it anyway
I hate knowing I failed at that too
But most of all
I hate not being able to express this until now
I hate that this still won’t change a thing
I hate thinking that it still might
I hate knowing that no one cares
I felt like the ornament on her mantel peace, I’m gathering dust
No sense of enlightlment!, my thoughts cease, what happen to us
In the end it all turned vile, I ask what we we're doing together?
Perhaps hard to comprehend, I guess a case of trial and error
The door to my heart, wide open!, should I just have left it ajar?
Not so smart, giving my all, I feel broken, I get so near, yet so far
And why we'd always reconcile?, their was never any trust really
It all seems so juvenile!, I ask was it only lust between her and me?
I thought that I was her yin? and her my yan but it's like easy tiger!
I guess a little bit dim, what a blur, out the fry in pan and into the fire
But she would always be driven to an argument, a slagging match
I'm the villain in this tournament, words instilled, the surface a scratch
I feel Like I was played like a card game I’m the joker in the pack
What If Id stayed, old habits die hard but what if I could go back?
Id say anywhere but here I find has got to be better than this place
Could I be anymore sincere in my mind and heart an empty space
But I'd probably be like the shirt that she threw on the floor, not least
Though I don't feel the hurt as much anymore, still their lies a crease
Im told nothing ventured nothing gained, yet! always a sense of loss
So emotionally and physically drained, how many bridges do I cross?
Was I to outspoken It never mattered her doing what ever she pleases
And now I feel broken yeah, I'm shattered into a thousand one pieces
Ok that is past but perhaps if we all had a label then Id be more aware
I'm not made of glass but if you saw mine now, I'd say handle! with care
Originally written back in early 2013 just put back together changed couple of verses
explaining how I feel now I WAS LOOKING BACK ON OTHER WRITES SUCH AS DEVIOUS HER NAME
OLD HABBITS DIE HARD WORDLS APART NOSTALGIA ECT ABOUT AN EXGIRLFRIEND
WHO HAD QUITE AN IMPACT ON ME AS NOW I JUST FEEL SO LOST
SOME PEOPLE ARE ONLY FEW AND FAR BETWEEN JUST ANOTHER INTERPRETASION
OF THAT RELATIONSHIP QUESTION TO SOUP MEMBERS CAN YOU LOVE AND HATE
SOMEONE AT THE SAME TIME?
Inspired by all the cool super cool soup members feb 2012 to march 2014
written BY MYSELF DAVIDSCOTT2013 2014
I love how you were my first friend
Right after I came into this world.
I love how you and I had fun
Until the end of our little childhood.
I love how you were another I’ve met,
Everything was good in those summers.
I love how you were like a brother,
Had often traveled to your home and we played.
I love how you were my second friend,
Someone who and I imagined together and communicated.
I love how you would allow me to come over,
And to even let me eat there for dinner.
I love how you were some other pal,
We enjoyed the company of each other.
I love how you and I were so young,
It was almost as if I were your role model.
I love how you were my third friend,
Truly was something wonderful we had.
I love how our bond once was,
Though no longer am I at all sad.
I love how you were all those cousins of mine
Were all young alongside me.
I love how you all made me feel happy,
Back in those days of my child identity.
I love how you were my fourth friend
Right after I reached out to yourself.
I love how I knew you at first seemed as lonely,
No matter how far apart, we have those memories.
I love how you were both born, my siblings.
Prayed for your births: to me that’s how it had to be.
I love how you turned to me for comfort and sleep,
Will always be there to care for you.
I love how you were my fifth friend,
Claimed to free me from what I’ve fought for so long.
I love how you gave me what I’ve sought,
Such fleeting evenings: our moments captivated me.
I love how you were all new people to talk to,
Every conversation helped me become who I am today.
I love how that no matter how I feel, I’m not alone,
Forever grateful for having others to talk to.
I love how you were all my other good buddies,
No life should be without friendly acquaintances.
I love how some of you are close to being my best friends,
You’re worth spending times with.
I love how you, my parents and grandparents,
Were there on my birthday: the sky was clear, sunshine.
I love how you, my family and friends,
Are all people I know and have raised me.
I love how there’s a number of people
I’ve known within my lifetime.
I love how there are those
Who still see me as I was and always will be.
I love how these people
Influenced parts of my personality.
I love how that no matter how I feel,
All those years were real.
I love how you all were there, but I feel alone now.
Every day’s not the same as it used to be.
I love how you’re also always around,
But now I’m strong enough to perceive even change...
This poem is about how I feel the world has betrayed at most every turn.
I received my awakening,
About the age of three,
Too young for understanding,
Of why it was me.
A house full of roaches,
A room shared by four,
A floor thick with ashes,
A splintered front door.
At the age of three,
I cracked my head in the hall,
I asked my mom for a hug,
She slammed me into the wall.
Soon after this,
I was mauled by a Rott,
Just a random-found stray,
That tied my face in a knot.
Later that year,
My parents divorced,
Leaving me as,
A weakening force.
My mother moved away,
And took my baby sis,
Left the rest of family,
Without even a kiss.
Father was a drunk,
He hardly was capable,
Of nourishing his children,
So it was inescapable,
That CPS came,
Said, "Get it together",
I think then, he tries,
To make our lives better.
Months later, he drives,
To the grocery store,
Leaving us with babysitters,
He'd never done that before.
Next thing that I knew,
Banging at the door,
Two men with gold badges,
Yell, "Get on the floor!"
The babysitters dropped,
Hands behind head,
I thought my dad changed,
I see this instead.
I now see my father,
Glazed eyes, in handcuffs,
Police say its O.K.,
I see through their bluffs.
To my great-grandmother's,
On my father's side,
Her house was my new home,
A new place to reside.
Soon we moved again,
My father's dad's house next,
Everything was changing,
Life got more complex.
From this moment on,
I'm in therapy and day-treatment,
Being told there's something wrong,
Due to my prior maltreatment.
At my new house,
I gained a new brother,
Six years older than me,
I look up to him more than others.
Now seven years old,
In second grade,
Christmas is here!
My worst moment this decade.
Playing with new toys,
My brother, and me
Running around just like boys,
I said, "This day's perfect!"
My brother shook his head,
He said, “No day's perfect."
Which filled me with dread,
The very next morning,
Grandma told my sisters and I,
"To the living room, kids.”
My heart jumps to the sky.
"Last night, your mother...
Shot herself twice...”
These words dropped like bombs,
So strong, so concise.
"She was rushed to the hospital,
And put on life support."
Though I learned that that morning,
They pulled the plug from its port.
Why me? What'd I do?
A screaming, sobbing thought.
My life is a blur,
My pain is too large,
Is this life a punishment?
Dear God, What's My Charge?
My luck is tough,
My life has been rough,
I cannot feel my dreams,
I dream of dreams, that can't be felt.
In the deep corners of my mind.
There is something there no one will ever find..
I close my eyes and disappear into a world of loneliness.
CAN I TELL YOU HOW I FEEL??
This is how I feel!
I feel lost, then I feel complete.
How can this be?
Poor little O' me~
I find myself with this crazy addiction.
A state that moves me causing all kinds of unnecessary friction.
Becoming another weak addict to something greater than, drugs and alcohol.
This affects my entire family.
No one around me is sure on how to react.
This addiction makes crack look like an antibiotic.
I see it in their faces.
They gave up the practice when it comes to tough love.
Guilty I confess, an addict in my own house.
Far from reality, not caring about that man once called my spouse.
Yes, I chose my dose of non-fictional poets over him.
I don't feel the shame the day I let him walk away.
Far, far away, I had nothing to say.
Hitting rock bottom, maybe it's too late to rebuild my life.
Not wanting to claw my way out of the hole.
Rebuilt I will, through a magical poem, in this soup bowl.
Here, you find me swimming with a crowd of wonder.
Other artists whose words speak louder than thunder.
At first I thought I found a way to lock out all the pain.
Hiding from all my responsibilities.
Letting go of all my possibilities.
Lacking the strength of moving away from the beam.
I sit here, sadder than the saddest tears you've ever seen.
Behind the soup screen, is where I found myself.
I told nobody else.
I'm gonna admit to you my fellow poets.
The soup is a wonderful disease,
It keeps me from a good sleep.
With all these poems that put my mind at ease.
I love the way it has full control, no matter where I go.
It's true like an addict, family, friends don't matter any more.
I log on and want more,more and more.
Every poet here has been here for me through good or bad
Like a drunk suck!ng it up when I feel sad
The poetry soup,~ IS MY VERY OWN SIN CITY!
Here is where I want to spend eternity.
Embrace, me in ways that make me happy.
Here I feel - - I feel - - SO! - - SO! - -SO! Free.
A simple disease that needs no cure.
Here I feel very secure.
This is no drug, here you find no rock & roll.
I'm drinking up the soup, like an alcoholic's goal.
Spreading the poetry soup disease,
Putting my mind at ease.
Knowing poetry over powers suicide anytime.
REST IN PEACE
While busy with my meal
The thought of you reveals
In my heart... with so much crave and zeal
In me...i know its the seal
To follow you anywhere you go in my heart for real
Till this moment...as you can see
Fun-mi-la-yo..as your name implies
Let me drink from the fountain of your joyous love
Your beauty is so robust... it's telling me
That you are real...and my feelings do not lie
I will follow you till I'm filled with your joy
I'm waiting for you by the mall
Just come out from where you are standing
And walk through the hall
Look ahead the garden labeled 'small'
By the mall...
I stood 6" ft tall
Beside the water fall
Behind me by the wall
Is written "lovers zone"
I am on a red T-Shirt designed on it, a football
As i declare in my heart
My feeling for you is real...i shall not fall
I can identify it with my feelings
As am inspired to ask you...will you be mine?
Since I am not ashamed of my feelings about you
And I am not ashamed to reveal my feelings to you
The other day “I asked my friends one day
If they had been with someone without feelings
Or if they know someone without thoughts.
And none of them could identify with anybody
But they said, people may choose not to admit how they feel
Or may ignore the feelings they have for someone special as you are
Yet I have chosen to reveal to you how I feel
They said, others may choose not to express their beautiful thoughts
But I have chosen to express my love to you
Since I have the right to my feelings
And I have chosen to express them to you at moment.
Since we are human being
And within each of us is a longing to be with each other.
As we walk and work, as we look and behold,
As we touch and feel, as we listen and hear
As we talk and relate, as we taste and recognize,
And as we know and become aware of each other-as I am to you.
We naturally are appealing to one another
As you are to me now
And my feelings for you is true
Except i choose to deny the true feelings
So it is in my will that I choose to reveal it,
It is also in my choice to repress it or deny it.
But I have chosen to tell you that I love you...
Even as i imagine that you are mine
I am feeling that would you be able to bear my selfishness?
And I hope that my expectations about you
Won’t discourage you from accepting me?
As I demand for your attention
Won’t you feel so weary to give your consent?
Or won’t you rather ignore me?
As I'm feeling... will you accept me for who I am?
you meant nothing you never said
it still meant the world to me,
a shameful encounter,a sinful collabration
making a fool of myself again and again
the time you said youll never leave me right in to my eyes
can someone lie straight in your eyes?
The time you hugged me and said you care
can someone touch you and lie in your face?
you left me without a letter ,without a hug
millions broken,never knew someone could be heartless
i have grown old in the hopes of maybe
you would turn back and come to me
nothing needed but an apology
just tell me i was wrong , i shouldn't have done what i did
i should not have said something else, where there is nothing i feel
why is it so hard for our self esteem
to admit we are wrong, respect our fellow beings
indifferent to my emotions, it doesnt hurt anymore
are we actually humans,or some mind controlled robots
i long for the day when he would realize
how he shattered my beliefs and my desires
i know he's happy he has moved on
is that it? never to be held accountable for?
perhaps it was right , what goes around comes around
maybe karma was mistakenly brought to my door
i wish he stays happy,i dont have any grudge
i cant be burdened with one more regret
life is unfair, painful as we move on
just hard to believe,its us , we are the morons
we know the pain,we still hurt others
its not life thats hurtful, its us
everyone so anxious in running the race
knocking others out to get to the finish line
so selfish and needy we are blinded with lust
in the end man realizes ,what was it worth?
you may win the race , be crowned the king
and proudly you'd walk back to your home
sit on the couch sip hot chocolate
in the darkness of the night, youll try not to fight
think about your achievements laugh and smile
no one to cheer you, you look left and right
what is the use of being a lonesome winner?
when you have stabbed everyone to get to the position
I would rather be in a group of losers
where we all cry together at our failures
we dont have much, but we have each other
we sleep on the ground,amazing dream world there is
no pillow for our heads, no covers on our beds
but our dreams are so beautiful, we'd never want to miss
you may sleep on your silk covers with a beautiful woman on your side
you close your eyes and hear from within, deep sighs
you cant sleep peacefully on your victorious covers
remembering what youve done ,a cloud of regret hovers
or maybe you are indifferent, its not a big deal
one day it will, you will know how i feel
I clearly remember a beautiful summer day
As we were there listening to the music play
We were young, and in love, and we dared to break the rules
Why, cause it's just what teenagers sometimes do
We were just way too cool
There we were together caught within each others embraces
We kissed passionately, and your hand touched forbidden places
You then released me from your sweet kiss
Looked me in the eyes, and to me you said this
Shh...it's okay just let me try, if you don't like it I promise I'll stop, and I will not be mad one
I will not break up with you, I will not cast you aside
I love you completely starting with the essence of you from the inside
Never had I quite been that far before
And yet you left me wanting you even more
This scared me right to the core
I knew in that moment I had nothing to fear
From the look within your eyes, I knew you were sincere
Not to long after that we did sadly say goodbye
It left you and I towards each other bitter, and often with a deep felt sigh
Time would pass and as fate would have it we met again
Then those pleasures from deep within the night that we then both had the wondrous win
But fate can sometimes play cruel and unusual games
We left each other yet again, yet neither one of us were truly to blame
It was just not meant to be in that time
But what I wouldn't have done to have made you mine
And now here we are in present day and I still see
You still have this remarkable control in everything within me
You have it over my heart, and my soul, it's so intense I just can't let how I feel be
Give me time and you could easily and willingly take me to my knees
Ready to do anything and everything you desire, whatever you please
But if and when I speak to you, my words always seem to get in my way
You are the one person with whom still takes my very breath away
The remembrances of being in your arms is where I want to stay
I would love to have my moment where it's you that I come to face
Not just saying my words but showing you what they mean and have us caught in each
Kissing you passionately, my hands touching possibly forbidden places
Then releasing you from my kiss
Looking you deep in the eyes and to you I say this
Shh...it's okay just let me try, if you don't like it I promise I'll stop, and I will not be mad one
I will then walk away
With nothing more to say
Knowing that I showed you completely my love for you is here to stay
I thought we could both hold each others hand
And smile at each other as we overcome the storm
And look into each others eyes with great relief
And hold each other in each others eyes
As we embrace each other in our soul
Because my soul pants to know you more
So that even in my absence or
When I am not saying a word
We could hear each other in our thoughts
So I thought
I thought you came to me in the depth of your soul
I thought you always talk to me from your heart
I thought you have a link with me in your mind
I thought you'll be beside me and disclose to me
All that goes on in your mind
As I would reveal to you
Where your words have touch in my soul
And where your love has healed in my heart
Also how I feel you in my mind
And admit my vile thoughts about you to you
So that your touch will make me forget them forever
Because you are with me in my soul
I can fear no foe or be wooed
That's my thoughts
I thought all these days you were there for me with your soul
In those times of tears and mourning, when we regret those actions
In those times we struggle together and laugh at each other madness
I thought you were there with me with your words
Those times when your words sooth my pains
Those times you rebuke me when I was going insane
I never knew you did not mean what you say when you say them
And I thought those words came from the depth of your love for me
It’s unthinkable that you did not say what you mean all this while
And its obvious that you never for once mean all you said
Because we are meant to be committed to our spoken word
Inasmuch my word is my bond
I thought we both have a vow we made
I thought we both have promises to keep
I thought I had a place in your heart
And a duty because of our vow
Why given me attitudes now?
Why the silent all these while?
When i need you to keep my confidant
I never knew that your soul was not there initially
When you stood and made those promises
Until your attitudes revealed where your heart is
I thought I have all things set-up with your consent
I never knew you had your concealed plan
To move on with your life without me
What a memorable day indeed,
When you say-“don’t miss me AGAIN”
Remember, you previously said-“don’t love me again”
Yet I choose to love you and I could remind you of that day
You said to me “you are the only one that have been saying
“I love you…One million and one times
Why won't i love you
When you have a place in my heart
So I Thought
I don't understand what went wrong between us,
Or why our friendship is in such a fuss.
I told you I loved you and I do and always will,
And to get you to feel the same way again I would kill.
I know you don't love me and I'm over that now,
But you stabbed me in the back and I just don't see how.
How could you talk about me in that way?
I never expected it on any kind of day.
I thought you were different than all other friends,
And would be there for me in dark, thickened ends.
I guess I was wrong and what they say it true:
People never stay friends after their relationship is through.
I wish they were wrong and it was just a big lie,
Because you still mean the world to me and for you I would die.
Even though you don't love me and you hurt me so bad,
I still care about you and will never forget the love we once had.
I'm not begging for an apology or a reason why,
All I am asking you is for you to stop making me cry.
I want to be good friends with you and close just liked you promised me,
But right now it seems like that isn't even a possibility.
I really thought you were different and not like them at all,
I thought that you were the one that would catch me when I fall.
Wherever life takes us, whichever way our future goes,
I wish you the best of luck with whatever your future holds.
I hope to be in your future because I loved the times we hung out,
I never want to loose you-I know that without a doubt.
Even though you cut me deep, I will always look and smile at you,
Because you taught me many things that I never really knew.
You taught me how to love and you taught me how to trust,
You also taught me how to deal when everything just busts.
Before I met you I was totally lost in a world all of my own,
It felt like I was trapped in a deep, dark, empty hole.
Then there was you who changed my life completely,
And for that I thank you immensely.
I have no regrets and loved every moment spent with you,
I just wish you only knew.
I wish you only knew how I feel right now compared to how things were.
It seems like we are now only acquaintances and "friend" is just a word.
I have shed so many tears-each one a cry for help,
But in the end I have found myself standing by myself.
So I guess I'm saying thank you for the times you were there for me,
And letting you know that I enjoyed every memory.
But now I guess it's fading and there's not much more I can do,
I've tried so hard to change it, but now it's up to you.