Long Funny Poems
Long Funny Poems. Below are the most popular long Funny by PoetrySoup Members. You can search for long Funny poems by poem length and keyword.
As I look upon my past
Like gazing on a star-lit sky,
So many things going by fast
Mostly happy times I wonder why?
A girl whose heart warm as the sun,
Distance however froze it over,
Another girl who I thought was the one,
In the end I just gave her the cold shoulder.
Wonderful places I ventured,
Street lights in the eve of going home,
Friends laughing as birds soared
In beaches with funny looking gnomes.
I look back and always smile,
I forged those memories on my own,
It's nice going back for a while
When facing the future that's unknown.
My friend, here I write to you,
Do not forget what got you here,
The past and all it's paid dues,
Remember to embrace and never fear.
Written by Gail DeBole on July 1, 2014
Updated on July 4, 2014
Fred Sr. doesn't like most things that start with e-.
Thumbs down to e-banking, e-books, and e-asy.
He's known to hollar, “I hate all this e-stuff!”
E-learning, e-coupons, e-love, e-cetera…
"E-nough is E-nough!"
Fred Jr., an e-cop, catches e-crooks online.
Thumbs up to e-everything! He thinks it's all fine.
He's known to hollar, “ I love all this e-stuff!”
E-stings, e-crimes, e-heros, e-cetera…
"I can't get E-nough!"
Fred Jr.'s son, an e-doc, helps patients online.
He lives an e-idea coming into its prime.
He's known to hollar, “We need this e-stuff!”
E-medicine, e-nurses, e-labs, e-cetera…
"Who would say "E-nough is E-nough?"
The word concur
Really grates my skin,
If there was a competition
For the most pompous word
It would surely win!
Don't get me wrong
I'm certain it has its place,
It's just not a word
For me in any case.
To be used condescendingly
Would be about it,
But if it showed its face
In its eye, I would spit.
Thankfully I pray it is not
Used that frequently,
And in the English language
It should remain to be.
But what really annoys me
About the word so much,
That it's generally used
By those out of touch.
Out of the mouths of politicians
I hear it being used,
And after all, we know
They are the most confused.
So next time someone says
The words "I concur,"
Inform them immediately
They need a brain transfer!
12~May~2017
For Frank's contest.
There are stories never told how the town got its name
Have I got a secret, come closer
Not that close step back
It seems a Wicked Witch of the West casted a spell of what was Evensville over the elimination of her sister, Wicked Witch of the South
She vowed revenge
If you are scratching your head, “Welcome to Oddsville”
A place mysterious
Avoid and don’t be curious
Strange and Ridiculous
Peculiar
Oddsville centered where rainbows don’t reach
The Mayor of Oddsville dressed funny wearing his clothes sideways
Hard to determine the front from the back
Don’t even say it nor think it
The citizens walked backwards and speech the same
No direction having an aim
Everything in total reverse including homes
Where to enter is the back being the front and the front being the back
Understanding is unsure
Caring is unassuring
Even Stephen comes to mine, but in an odd way
Oddly to say
Don’t ask directions concerning the yellow brick road
There’s none
The citizens never heard of
Every day is an odd day
An even day is considered odd
Even the months and years
Unbalanced to say
Citizens float instead of walking
The trees grow upside down
Surprised the citizens can be found
Oddsville that shall remain
A Wicked Witch the blame
Oddsville totally insane
I was doing a six week placement
For work experience several years ago.
Would a secretarial career suit me?
This I would soon know.
I was often alone in the office.
I wanted to give of my best.
I decided to put my ICT
Knowledge to the test...
There's a way to change the desktop background.
This I did on the boss's screen.
His was white, but large and central
Was a smiley face. Lime green.
I chose the plain white background.
But his image was not in the list!
So I had to leave it as it was.
To try, I will insist!
The boss and co were back.
And at some point during their lunch
The boss noticed the change
And he had a hunch.
He asked his co partner
If he'd been messing around
With his computer and its settings.
He denied. I made no sound.
" What's wrong? " He asked.
" My smiley face has vanished off the screen!
You know, our company logo?
Mr Smiley Green?
The computer has wiped him away!
He's completely disappeared! "
Inwardly, uncontrollable laughter
Almost to the point of tears.
But outwardly, I focussed
On the task I had at hand.
He didn't suspect me for a moment.
He probably thought I didn't understand.
Each time I think of this, I laugh
And share it with anyone near.
Did they ever solve the mystery
Of the face that disappeared?
Written 18th November 2021
I'm a PI named Barnaby Jones and I send killers to jail.
But when people receive my bills, they always yell.
Three years ago I exonerated a woman's husband of murder.
She screamed when she got my bill, you should've heard her.
I make plenty of money, I sure don't work for free.
I buy fancy suits with the money that clients pay me.
Letting people get away with murder is something I won't allow.
I drink so much milk that sometimes I suck the udders on cows.
When people see me doing that to their cows, they pull shotguns on me.
I'm a damn good Private Investigator but you will not like my fee.
(This poem is a parody of the TV show.)
____________________________________
I
I
I * * * * To my darling !
I * * * *
I * * *
I * *
I * *
I * *
I * *
I *
I
I I just want to say: I LOVE YOU!
I______________________________________
30.04.2013
A-L Andresen :)
Copyright © All Rights Reserved
THE SLAIN SOLDIER BONE
Once upon a dinner plate, there lay,
A chicken bone in a peculiar display,
Arranged like a man just so upon a plate,
Wearing a Christmas hat, looking quite elite.4
With ketchup splattered in crimson hue,
Like blood from a mischievous BBQ,
A Christmas tang tastefully satisfying,
From the festive spirit, it was not shying.8
Wow, what a view, this bone looks so odd,
A comedic sight, oh how it stood,
The bone was a hero of the poultry realm,
Bravely sacrificing, as a delightful meal for them.¹²
Beside the bone, is the knife and fork,
The weapon feast, a delightful quirk,
They stood as loyal companions, unremorseful,
After devouring the bone, non were mournful.¹6
A chicken bone, on the battlefield plate,
A warrior's death, his fate so great.
Drenched in ketchup, bloodied and slain,
The battle was hard, yet honor knows no pain.²°
A Christmas hat, adorned on it top frame,
A soldier of yuletide, in this gruesome game.
A knife and fork, the weapons of choice,
Used by the victors, who made a victory noise.²4
This ends the chicken bone with Christmas flare,
A culinary honorable death beyond compare.²6
Vick Manuel Poetry {VMP}
FORM: Rhymes
Copyright ©? 26th December 2023
In ye old days of yore on Malaga's dreary shore
An untidy castle rimmed by salty moor
Housed a lonely, oft-drunk matador
In briny marsh grazed no sheep, but wild pigs three score
Staggering oft around soggy, muddy estate in boozed, dazed state; prating conquistador
With fitted bed sheet he dodged each, wild, voracious boar
On one fateful eve a rabid boar did his flabby posterior gore
Now ambitions stored, bedded his dreams, salved his sore
'Til one morn, a damsel in distress swooned at his door
Bereft of virility, but saddled with tales of chivalric lore
A hearty tonic the prone maiden he did pore, and spouted tawdry tales galore
Unentranced by availing circumstance, his rambling advances she did ignore
Intoxicated by her lovely essence, her father's residence did implore
Confounded by his incessant inebriating pleas, she fell to the floor
Mistaking her bended knee as fealty to be, he let out a drunken roar
Enraged by his licentious intentions, she yelled, I will not take any more
Mind numbed from numerous droughts, he heard, I am your whore
Giddy, his infertile, limp shaft tried into her sweet mound to bore
But his drooping shaft could not breach her silty core
Frustrated the horny goad reversed positions. riding her till both were saddlesore
Finally breaching the chasm, his spent rod found reeling a chore
But her tapped well gushed and she yelled encore
Now understanding his riding days were over, he cried and swore
His ripening virgin unsatiated bade his pallid pilot her canyon explore
Now contrite, he explained fertile streams no longer from stagnant fount could pore
Giving due penance, purged the dross, and from her steamy vat tore
Forevermore an unfit paramour, jilted matador; who no longer his tainted cape wore
Don't Slouch!
On the couch, dig for quarters and dimes,
but don't tell your father he will mind!
On the couch jump with your brother.
but don't tell your mother she will mind!
On my couch, you may snore like a dog.
On your couch, you might find your dog! (Tsk tsk)
On my couch, if it's scruffy and old, you may smell something
wearing some kind of mold. (Yuc)
On your couch, watch a movie with your friend,
but please no kissing until the end!
On my couch are soft pillows to lay your head,
better than the lumpy ones on my bed.
Whatever couch you choose, just rest and enjoy the news.
(Actually, bad idea)
To end this silly sofa poem as my mother used to say,
"Sit up straight and do not slouch"
(I'd like to add)
Never, ever, on a couch!