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Best Rude Poems

Below are the all-time best Rude poems written by Poets on PoetrySoup. These top poems in list format are the best examples of rude poems written by PoetrySoup members

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New Rude Poems

Don't stop! The most popular and best Rude poems are below this new poems list.

Rude Awakenings No Longer Deferred by Nguyen, Ngoc
Rude Awakening by Henderson, Kyleigh
Rude People by edwards, michelle
His speech is very rude by Thwaite, Katherine
How Rude by Aul, George
Rude Non Haiku by Schumacker, Earl
Very Rude Haiku by Schumacker, Earl
Quietly I'll Be Rude by Kendrick, Sara
November can be so rude by Lander, Annie
RUDE AWAKENING by PORTER, RASHANTE

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The Best Rude Poems

Details | Rude Poem | |

The Contest

(The Contest)

I once knew a gentle poet boy
Pretending to be the real McCoy
   He lost two in a row
   This is no game show
At the end, I felt used by the playboy


(The cold rain)

I wish I could take back the HM
Don't know why you chose to condemn
   I thought we were friends
   Now I see through crystal lens,
How you think all your poems are a top gem

(Not a reason to hate)

I once knew a girl with heavy makeup
Behind her smile, her face was corrupt 
   She was in it for the race
   Wanting all her poems to place
She did not win, now she's all worked up
    


SKAT

Copyright © SKAT A | Year Posted 2015

More great poems below...


Details | Rude Poem | |

Just Desserts

I was at my favourite restaurant and had a lovely meal
If I finished all my food then a pudding was the deal
I’d relished every morsel and was pleased as a Cheshire cat
The dessert menu was on its way, Oh I couldn’t wait for that

The waitress bought the menus and I rubbed my hands with glee
Oh sticky toffee pudding, now that’s the one for me
She came to take the order – we had waited as you do
She finally turned to me and said ‘oh Madam what can I get you’

Oh stiffy cockie pudding please was my swift reply
I didn’t realise what I’d said till I saw the tears form in her eye
I went as red as a beetroot and the others began to laugh
At my spoonerism which turned into a complete gaffe

The pudding it came quickly but I couldn’t wait to leave
I choked on every mouthful and my stomach it did heave
So please take notice of my error on this horrendous day
If you order sticky toffee pudding be careful what you say!

This is a true experience! The waitress was a student at the school I work at - I was so pleased when she went to university - I have never ordered this dessert since!

Submitted to Richard's Beginnings Matter Contest  - It had taken a month of badgering by my friend jenny Brewer to even pluck up courage to post my poems - I wondered how my humour would be appreciated!
~awarded 2nd place~

This is my first poem posted here and it is my first poem to be published in a book by United Press

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2014


Details | Rude Poem | |

Crossed Me At The Borderline, Just In Time

-------------------------------------- ~*note: done in fun and aimed at no one~  



try and seed my name you'll concede to shame
no use in calling names to lose the game

yir' ill will is just plain disastrous 
asinine avatars deserve an asterisk

as for being fact-less, your slaps don't diss
every lick you spit simply tends to miss

harmless words that curse, rehearsed childishness
gets your face erased and they'll say who's next

as defilement arrives inside your text
that's when shame wheels you back, right to the nest.


~10 syllables in each of 10 rhyming lines~

Copyright © JSLambert Mister ROBOTO | Year Posted 2014


Details | Rude Poem | |

The Tale of the Dirty Dick

Girls, if you ever find a man of great persistence
Listen to your ******, and say NO! with adequate resistance
You see chicks, when a dude gets a hard dick
If it's dirty, it can make you super sick
Painful pisses and cloudy urine will follow suit
All because Dirty Dick Man wanted to discharge his root
So, ladies, beware...there are diseases out there
No Dick gets serviced until it's clean and faire
Run, scream, shout, "Spank your ****ing monkey!"
Please, I beg of you, do as I now  propose
Keep your ****** sparkling clean-never let it decompose.

Copyright © Jennifer Young | Year Posted 2014


Details | Rude Poem | |

Northern Suburbia

Your love is real 
the love you feel.
Your love is great 
the love you make.
Your records are on fire 
its your desire.
Take me out tonight
and go wild and crazy, 
or be fat and lazy. 
So I played some Doors 
and saw some whores. 
So I said goodbye 
and they all must die, fool. 
So dig my guts 
and eat my brain 
and then go insane. 
I don't
Care I love it 
so forget it, Punk!

Copyright © Blake Holland | Year Posted 2015


Details | Rude Poem | |

SELF-CENTERED

“Do you see any leg wound, my friend I feel some pain, see drops of blood - the road we passed was stained.” The horse asked the cat, who detests blood or mud. “I don’t know,” answered the cat, nestled cozily in a bag strapped on the horse’s back. “I didn't feel any discomfort that might have been caused by your change in stride or slack.” 15 June 2015 No Rules Contest Sponsor: Rob Carmack

Copyright © Kim Patrice Nunez | Year Posted 2015


Details | Rude Poem | |

Send Me No Insults When I Die

Send Me No Insults When I Die


Send me no insults when I die
couldn't hurt me if you try
Send those insults while I live
so returning fire I can give

Never try to stab me in the back
my third eye is always on track
I once dearly loved a damn good fight
now I rather prefer to just be right

Send not fools to do your dirty work
I despise fools and simply hate jerks
Take your measures like a real man
with blows delivered in upfront stand

Send me no insults when I am dead
cry your woes, kiss my arse instead
My soul at rest , my spirit in the sky
I say piss on you and don't ask why!

Robert L. 05-27 2014

A lucky inspiration. 
I just read an email from a bitter enemy.
He declared he would piss on my grave soon enough! A veiled threat
(possibly) .. I laugh at and now write this little tribute to 
the guy's stupidity.

Copyright © Robert Lindley | Year Posted 2014


Details | Rude Poem | |

Save Your Lousy Self

Save Your Lousy Self


Save your pity for a fool that is not witty
  save your sorrow for a jerk with no tomorrow
Save your scorn for your future unborn
  save your smartass for another dumbass
Save your lies for your coming black eyes
  save your taste for your own stupid waste
Save your frown for another silly clown
  save your next scam for your next big ham
Save your mistakes for your jump in the lake
  save your life for terrible and massive strife!
Save your love for next disease you can't get rid of
  save your mess for your next boatload of stress
Save your speech for your next loud screech
  save your help for your next born welp
Save your cries for your next false guise
  save your stand for your next super lousy band
Save your gasps for your next futile grasps
  save your retreat for your next huge defeat
Save your fall for your next crash into the wall
  save your pain for your next car wreck in the rain!

An exercise in "saving" for frugal people that are lousy scoundrels!!
I wrote this with a fool I know from my wild young days in mind...
A little slam for fun.....

Copyright © Robert Lindley | Year Posted 2014


Details | Rude Poem | |

Silent

Here I sit again, silent,
 not saying anything,
 pondering instead,
 what it was I should have said;
Too, too late now,
 the moment's gone,
 the chance for some clever comeback,
 some clever witticism
 lost from this present now,
Which too quickly became then
 and suddenly is past.
 

Copyright © DM Babbit | Year Posted 2015


Details | Rude Poem | |

Learn Something

Do you feel like each day is the same? 
Do all things, every person,  each glitch 
you encounter seem boring and lame?  
Is the rut you're in more like a ditch? 

When you want to rekindle the flame, 
let the internet help you enrich  
your existence and soon you'll reclaim 
that old joy you felt filling your niche. 

If you yearn to get back in the game
learn to use the new tools that exist.
If you don't, you'll be solely to blame.
So, log on now and Google it, b&tch!

Copyright © Lycia Harding | Year Posted 2015


Details | Rude Poem | |

SPAMMER SMACKDOWN

IMMEDIATELY PLEASE REMOVE ALL OF MY INFORMATION FROM YOUR DATA 
BASE FORTHWITH.
ALSO, ADVISE ANY AND ALL CONTRACTORS, SUB-CONTRACTORS, AGENTS, 
SUB-AGENTS, AFFILIATES, PARTNERS, COLLEAGUES, ASSOCIATES, CLIENTS, 
WEBMASTERS, WEB BASED LINKS, WINKS, TWINKS, 	SHRINKS, COLONEL 
CLINKS, BOSSES, CO-WORKERS, EMPLOYEES,VENDORS, SUPPLIERS, 
SALESMEN, ACCOUNT REPS/EXCS, ACCOUNTANTS, BROKERS, CO-BROKERS, 
HACKERS, SLACKERS, WHACKERS, JERKS, SOLICITORS, SIDEKICKS, 
COHORTS, WINGMEN, WHEELMEN, LOOKOUTS, OUTLAWS, IN-LAWS, 
RELATIVES, FIANCES, BOYFRIENDS, GIRLFRIENDS, FRIENDS, FOES, 
ENEMIES, EVIL NEMESIS’, DERELICTS, DEGENERATES, DOPERS, DEALERS, 
TWEEKERS, GAMBLERS, RAMBLERS, CANVASSERS, INQUIRERS, QUEERS, 
QUEENS, COWBOYS, KINGS, FAGS, DRAGS, HAGS, HETEROS, HOMOS, TONY 
ROMOS, FEMALE IMPERSONATORS, [PRE OR POST] MALE IMPERSONATORS, 
DICKS, DYKES, VAN DYKES, DICK VAN DYKE, LESBIANS, LONGSHOREMEN, 
SHORTSHOREMEN, LIARS, BUYERS, CRYERS, CIGAR SMOKERS, CARPET 
MUNCHERS, RUG RATS, TODDLERS, TEENAGERS, JUVENILE DILINQUENTS, 
SENIORS, SUCKERS, TRUCKERS, MOTHER shut yer mouth, LAW MAKERS, 
LAWYERS, ATTORNEYS, JUDGES, POLITICIANS, LEADERS, FOLLOWERS, 
DISCIPLES, PROPHETS, EVANGELISTS, SAVIORS, SINNERS, SAINTS, 
SOOTHSAYERS, MEDICENE MEN, GYPSYS, TRAMPS, AND THIEVES, WITCHES, 
WARLOCKS, VAMPIRES, LYCANS, ZOMBIES, WAR MONGERS, PROTESTERS, 
VIGILANTES, VICTIMS, SOLIDERS, GENERALS, GOVERNORS, PRESIDENTS, 
PATRIOTS, PACKERS, LIONS, BEARS, BROWNS, BLACKHAWKS, REDWINGS, 
RIGHT WING, LIBERALS OR LAW BIDING CITIZENS. THEY ARE NOT TO 
CONTACT ME AND LOOSE MY NUMBERS.

BUT, IF YOU SEE MY MOM, TELL HER TO CALL ME.



                                               BA-ZING!
                                                     ?

Copyright © Warner Baxter | Year Posted 2014


Details | Rude Poem | |

Track Meet

My feet,
got a rhythm
A nervous beat

Oh the meet
Should I eat more meat?

Nah focus more on wheat
Better calm down and take a seat.

World coming at you like a big huge fleet
They try and feed you but you don't wanna eat
I don't like the taste of there beets
I'd rather give myself some tasty treats

Oh wall street
I ain't gonna eat
Get off my bicycle seat 
Filthy ol' wall street smelling like your grandma's toilet seat
gonna throw you in some disgusting embassy suite

I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

-Jomarc Bernardo

Copyright © Jomarc Bernardo | Year Posted 2014


Details | Rude Poem | |

Very Rude Haiku


    Very Rude Haiku

Winter? 3 lines?....Right! ....

5-7-5 cadence, meter 

I don't think so!...Blah!   

               -or-

Table by brook swamped

Consume fish, tail, heads, water

No soup for you!...Tip!  

Copyright © Earl Schumacker | Year Posted 2014


Details | Rude Poem | |

Voodoo Doll

There's a person you'd like to curse,
so a voodoo doll, then make first;
Upon that doll now cast a spell, 
summoned from the wicked in hell;
Now you need some pins and needles,
bring the pain of pitch forked devils;
The length of pins make sure are long,
the devils pain will be more strong;
The more a needle's thick and round,
will make the pain be more profound;
Must take your victims' lock of hair,
attach it to the doll to wear;
The doll, up high, hold in the air,
Into the doll's eyes, you must stare;
Call the doll by your victims name,
while at the doll, the needle aim;
Curse the name as you stab it in,
twisting and turn it as you grin;
With needles stuck about the head,  
each needle deeply did embed;
With legs, all over, stuck with pins, 
you now must wish the curse begins.

Copyright © Tony Sampson | Year Posted 2014


Details | Rude Poem | |

Time Is Of The Essence

I look at the clock and shake my head.
We might be late-not looking good.
My friend is possibly still in bed.
This thing I've never understood!

How can you make a definite plan
and then just let it drift away?
Of tardiness I'm not a fan.
I'm thinking of choice words to say.

This annoys me so very much.
No excuse is good enough.
They'll have a tale to tell and such.
But in my mind 'tis  just too tough!

I am a person always on time.
In fact at times I'm a little early.
Being so late has no reason or rhyme.
This pet peeve tends to make me surly.

There are people that I love dearly
who are always keeping me waiting.
All these years they never did fear me.
And I just can't end up hating.

I'm the only one who feels any pain.
I gawk at my watch when their time is up.
Now I realize I've got nothing to gain.
So I tell myself suck it up buttercup!

Copyright © Deb Wilson | Year Posted 2014


Details | Rude Poem | |

A blessing for 2014

Will those who want rapture connect
To the one who could resurrect?
Be blessed with vision
Take in what's arisen
A member that’s hard and erect

Copyright © Duke Beaufort | Year Posted 2014


Details | Rude Poem | |

WORDS - ALOUETTE

WORDS - ALOUETTE

Nightmares in my skin;
Scourging deep within.
Blood and bones sizzling abreast...
Aged tired nerves plead
from words carving bleed
to screams of cruel arrest.

Head like tomb stillness
chaining rock stiffness.
Iron hurt span rumbling din.
To endure, my gong,
stopping a torch song.
Hence, be far in any sin.
______________________________
CONTEST NAME: SCREWED
SPONSOR: ROB CARMACK
PLACED 3RD

(c)O.E. Guillermo
10:52pm
September 05, 2014


Copyright © Olive Eloisa Guillermo | Year Posted 2014


Details | Rude Poem | |

A Nightmare Blind Date


no, I'm not perfect,
just a man finding his way
but took a wrong turn!

no, I'm not perfect,
I've been lied to; I was told
opposites attract!

no, I'm not perfect,
but hey, I'm only human...
so what's your excuse!

no, I'm not perfect,
but you are the poster child
for batshit crazy!

no, I'm not perfect,
and Ken and Barbie we ain't...
you're a Chucky doll!

no, I'm not perfect,
but together we could be...
yeah, a perfect storm!

no, I'm not perfect,
but neither am I a rude 
narcissistic bitch!

no, I'm not perfect,
and I'm sorry I'm not your
Mister Right...CHEQUE PLEASE!

       -----------



September 2014




Copyright © Keith Trestrail | Year Posted 2014


Details | Rude Poem | |

Ode to why you should keep your Door Double Locked

One fine morning, in early July,
A key opened a door that was locked-bye and bye
No notice, no call, no fateful warning
Uncle Frank walked in, unannounced, at eight in the morning

Lo and behold, the occupant was awoken
Some deep and recognized voice had spoken
Heading toward the voice, with sleep in his eyes
Robby said, "Uncle Frank!  What a surprise!"

"Well, I'm feeling fat and a little shaken.
I'm afraid that yesterday I ate too much bacon.
May I please use Grandma's old bathroom scale?
Ever since her funeral, I feel like a whale.

With a shake of his head and a polite, "No."
Robby said, "You gonna wake up my ho.
A  princess of mine is sleeping fair
So go ****ing weigh yourself in your own god damn lair."

Copyright © Jennifer Young | Year Posted 2014


Details | Rude Poem | |

lol submitted this for my writer's craft class

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou can buy drinks at McD’s for a buck,
Wait, that means thou never want to pay,
Thou went to see a psychic for good luck.

Sometime too hot thou think thou are at clubs,
The ways you act embarrass all thy friends ;
And when we need to drag thou out of pubs,
We hope thy hot behaviour will soon end.

But thy eternal summer shall not fade
Especially in winter when thou wear;
Shorts too short with legs far too displayed,
“Oh my god, I can see her underwear,”

Thy “summer’s” kind of ratchet after all
Thy friends will wait until you turn to fall.

Copyright © katie mckenna | Year Posted 2014


Details | Rude Poem | |

Stupidity

Stupidity

A tragic foible—
For those so blinded in life.
Stupidity’s sad . . . 
Negation’s ugly face . . . 
To be challenged at all times!

Gary Bateman, Copyright © All Rights Reserved,
May 15, 2015 (Tanka)

Copyright © Gary Bateman | Year Posted 2015


Details | Rude Poem | |

I'm Not Mean

I am a very nice person I'll tell you about my day I'll sit and listen about yours And hear what you have to say I'll make sure you look very good I'll tell you about your fly Tell you when your crush is coming Or tell you if he walks by I come off very sarcastic I do it to make you laugh My sarcasm sounds kind of mean It's funny on my behalf

Copyright © Shaina Rodriguez | Year Posted 2015


Details | Rude Poem | |

The Blue Mountain Slam

I was stumbling around the Poetry world when I ran into this Gem
The Blue Mountain Arts Poetry Card Contest. 
I thought, what an opportunity 
But then I read the rules and although 
I do not know who wrote them
I must say, "COME ON" Really !

Poetry Contest Guidelines:
1: Poems can be rhyming or non-rhyming, although we find that non-rhyming poetry reads better.

Non-rhyming poems Read Better---Ha---what a crock ! Tell that to the 18th and 19th Century Poets


This it soooooooooo idiotic, It's like saying, We are having our Special Olympics and disabled and enabled can enter alike, although we find that Enabled entries usually win.    ( This metaphor is not intended to diminish the abilities of those of us that have disabilities, It is intended to show how ludicrous rules can be ) 
Blue Mountain, WHY NOT say----"Rhymer's Need Not Apply"

I went down to Blue Mountain
I thought I'll have a-go
And may win 300 bucks
You laugh, but never know

Once there, I read the page
Where I was to apply
That's where the darnedest thing
Reach-out and caught my eye

Rhymers just weren't welcome
That's what the first rule spelled
No point in even trying
'Cause "Rhyming Don't Read Well"

Instead of feeling Blue
I counted all my blessings
Then,I bought a pair glasses
And started reading lessons

Thanks Blue Mountain
I'm "Reading Well" Now !
See you next contest

                       by JTCurtis (A rhymer w/readability)




Copyright © Jerry T Curtis | Year Posted 2014


Details | Rude Poem | |

My Missing Quilt

Oh my, I'm suffering from wind I just wish my body would rescind For my quilt I do probe It's on top of my wardrobe Out of reach and totally pinned . Inspired by Jan Allison's Poem 'The Real Gods of Wind'

Copyright © James Fraser | Year Posted 2014


Details | Rude Poem | |

Spicy- Oh so Annoying

Enjoying a placid lake, so quiet
Fox trotting, sniffing the ground-
   Then a loud, shrill scream of a
spoiled child.

Serene path, I walk as the guest of light breeze,
hand in hand strolling with my love
   Then clouds burst into a sprawling
northern freeze.

Dirty snow, a rude employee, greedy people taking 
what they please.
   Liars, tall talers, lying for no need
Satisfied grunt of one who pays
no others heed.

A cruel hand bashing the weak
Evil words one so disregardingly speaks.
   As with the  offender, it is trouble 
he always seeks

Leaving work from such a long day 
pleased to relax my way
    A homeless, skeletal man asking
for some change- the pity
Turned my thoughts gray

Snap your fingers, get it done quick!
Threats of any kind make me sick
   A long drive just to get away Pitch and tent
and the ants come to play!

Racism, sexism, and ignorance 
for no reason
       This is not just annoying
And never changes with the season.

Those who take for granted
the love of family so readily given
    Treating therm so terrible
 Spoiled, rotten smart- mouthed
so selfishly driven

Sentient redwoods slain
Numerous bretheren of  the 
   endangered nature die in vain.

These are a few things that annoy me-
Self important people  smiling in that
bleach white grin-
   For ever sneaking and canniving
under that sh++ eating grin. 








Copyright © Amy Green | Year Posted 2014