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Best Rude Poems

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| Details | Rude Poem | |

Crossed Me At The Borderline, Just In Time

-------------------------------------- ~*note: done in fun and aimed at no one~  

try and seed my name you'll concede to shame
no use in calling names to lose the game

yir' ill will is just plain disastrous 
asinine avatars deserve an asterisk

as for being fact-less, your slaps don't diss
every lick you spit simply tends to miss

harmless words that curse, rehearsed childishness
gets your face erased and they'll say who's next

as defilement arrives inside your text
that's when shame wheels you back, right to the nest.

~10 syllables in each of 10 rhyming lines~

Premium Member Poem | Details | Rude Poem | |

The Tale of the Dirty Dick

Girls, if you ever find a man of great persistence
Listen to your ******, and say NO! with adequate resistance
You see chicks, when a dude gets a hard dick
If it's dirty, it can make you super sick
Painful pisses and cloudy urine will follow suit
All because Dirty Dick Man wanted to discharge his root
So, ladies, beware...there are diseases out there
No Dick gets serviced until it's clean and faire
Run, scream, shout, "Spank your ****ing monkey!"
Please, I beg of you, do as I now  propose
Keep your ****** sparkling clean-never let it decompose.

Premium Member Poem | Details | Rude Poem | |

Send Me No Insults When I Die

Send Me No Insults When I Die

Send me no insults when I die
couldn't hurt me if you try
Send those insults while I live
so returning fire I can give

Never try to stab me in the back
my third eye is always on track
I once dearly loved a damn good fight
now I rather prefer to just be right

Send not fools to do your dirty work
I despise fools and simply hate jerks
Take your measures like a real man
with blows delivered in upfront stand

Send me no insults when I am dead
cry your woes, kiss my arse instead
My soul at rest , my spirit in the sky
I say piss on you and don't ask why!

Robert L. 05-27 2014

A lucky inspiration. 
I just read an email from a bitter enemy.
He declared he would piss on my grave soon enough! A veiled threat
(possibly) .. I laugh at and now write this little tribute to 
the guy's stupidity.

Premium Member Poem | Details | Rude Poem | |

Save Your Lousy Self

Save Your Lousy Self

Save your pity for a fool that is not witty
  save your sorrow for a jerk with no tomorrow
Save your scorn for your future unborn
  save your smartass for another dumbass
Save your lies for your coming black eyes
  save your taste for your own stupid waste
Save your frown for another silly clown
  save your next scam for your next big ham
Save your mistakes for your jump in the lake
  save your life for terrible and massive strife!
Save your love for next disease you can't get rid of
  save your mess for your next boatload of stress
Save your speech for your next loud screech
  save your help for your next born welp
Save your cries for your next false guise
  save your stand for your next super lousy band
Save your gasps for your next futile grasps
  save your retreat for your next huge defeat
Save your fall for your next crash into the wall
  save your pain for your next car wreck in the rain!

An exercise in "saving" for frugal people that are lousy scoundrels!!
I wrote this with a fool I know from my wild young days in mind...
A little slam for fun.....

Premium Member Poem | Details | Rude Poem | |

Just Desserts

I was at my favourite restaurant and had a lovely meal
If I finished all my food then a pudding was the deal
I’d relished every morsel and was pleased as a Cheshire cat
The dessert menu was on its way, Oh I couldn’t wait for that

The waitress bought the menus and I rubbed my hands with glee
Oh sticky toffee pudding, now that’s the one for me
She came to take the order – we had waited as you do
She finally turned to me and said ‘oh Madam what can I get you’

Oh stiffy cockie pudding please was my swift reply
I didn’t realise what I’d said till I saw the tears form in her eye
I went as red as a beetroot and the others began to laugh
At my spoonerism which turned into a complete gaffe

The pudding it came quickly but I couldn’t wait to leave
I choked on every mouthful and my stomach it did heave
So please take notice of my error on this horrendous day
If you order sticky toffee pudding be careful what you say!

N/A in 'random mix' contest
 - now submitted to N/A contest by Jerry T Curtis - 

| Details | Rude Poem | |

Voodoo Doll

There's a person you'd like to curse,
so a voodoo doll, then make first;
Upon that doll now cast a spell, 
summoned from the wicked in hell;
Now you need some pins and needles,
bring the pain of pitch forked devils;
The length of pins make sure are long,
the devils pain will be more strong;
The more a needle's thick and round,
will make the pain be more profound;
Must take your victims' lock of hair,
attach it to the doll to wear;
The doll, up high, hold in the air,
Into the doll's eyes, you must stare;
Call the doll by your victims name,
while at the doll, the needle aim;
Curse the name as you stab it in,
twisting and turn it as you grin;
With needles stuck about the head,  
each needle deeply did embed;
With legs, all over, stuck with pins, 
you now must wish the curse begins.

| Details | Rude Poem | |

Track Meet

My feet,
got a rhythm
A nervous beat

Oh the meet
Should I eat more meat?

Nah focus more on wheat
Better calm down and take a seat.

World coming at you like a big huge fleet
They try and feed you but you don't wanna eat
I don't like the taste of there beets
I'd rather give myself some tasty treats

Oh wall street
I ain't gonna eat
Get off my bicycle seat 
Filthy ol' wall street smelling like your grandma's toilet seat
gonna throw you in some disgusting embassy suite

I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

-Jomarc Bernardo

| Details | Rude Poem | |

A blessing for 2014

Will those who want rapture connect
To the one who could resurrect?
Be blessed with vision
Take in what's arisen
A member that’s hard and erect

| Details | Rude Poem | |

lol submitted this for my writer's craft class

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou can buy drinks at McD’s for a buck,
Wait, that means thou never want to pay,
Thou went to see a psychic for good luck.

Sometime too hot thou think thou are at clubs,
The ways you act embarrass all thy friends ;
And when we need to drag thou out of pubs,
We hope thy hot behaviour will soon end.

But thy eternal summer shall not fade
Especially in winter when thou wear;
Shorts too short with legs far too displayed,
“Oh my god, I can see her underwear,”

Thy “summer’s” kind of ratchet after all
Thy friends will wait until you turn to fall.

| Details | Rude Poem | |

Deep Doo-Doo

Lonnie is a real creep.
He drives a beat up jeep.
He robbed a preacher’s son.
Now he is on the run.
He is in doo-doo real deep.