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See also: Best Famous Poems

Details | Limerick Poem | |

Destiny Number 5

There was a winsome writer named Andie
who wrote poetry really Jim Dandy
with pencil or pen
she'd write her amens
For our Andie was truly not randy.



9/19/1948

Details | Limerick Poem | |

Looks Can Be Deceiving

There was a young girl whose silk skin
Was sewn up with some thread and a pin.
     It would drive the men mad,
     That sleek layer she had,
Well, until she took off her silk skin.

By Anne Currin

Details | Limerick Poem | |

Gathering of the Golden Girls - Soup Convention

Four “Golden Girls” seated at a table
Grey streaks our hair, but minds remain stable
     Convention is underway
     Michael has something to say
He opens our meeting with a fable
 
It’s about a tortoise that beats a hare
Some of the “fast writers” begin to glare
     Joyce, Francine and Barbara know
     It takes time for verse to grow
We’re the queens of rewriting; this we swear
 
Iolanda’s introduced to read her book
“Lava of my Soul,” no gobbledygook
     We’re mesmerized by each line
     At the end we toast with wine
Joyce says, “Now those words took some time to cook.”
 
It’s Karen’s turn to read “Silent Whispers”
We see tears falling into John’s whiskers
     “Tears of joy,” Francine exclaims
     For Karen’s Best Seller fame
Applause rings out from grateful listeners
 
After the “meet and greet” it’s nearly dawn
The crowd starts to thin as our comrades yawn
     Joyce, Francine call it a night
     But Barbara still sits upright
We two remain when most others are gone
 
One poet called us “Late Night Cockroaches”
This indignity did not encroach us 
     We call ourselves “LNCs”
     Awake in wee hours with ease
Waiting for our princes to approach us
 
That’s when the James Brothers draw near
Peranteau and Fraser, to make it clear
     With two erotic writers
     LNCs pull “all nighters”
Knowing that we can propose; it’s Leap Year!
 
 
*Entry for Michael’s “A Table of Four” contest
At my table: Carolyn Devonshire
Joyce Johnson
Francine Roberts
Barbara Gorelick
 



Details | Limerick Poem | |

Guessing Games

From the moment we met, he played a game
Started out telling me to guess his name
     And when I asked, “Don?”
     He responded, “Right on!”
This lucky guess led to more of the same

“What do you think I do for a living?”
I hesitated, had some misgivings
     “Steer the space shuttle?”
     Got no rebuttal
So on this roll, I felt I was winning

“Bet you a kiss you don’t know where I live”
My mind was draining faster than a sieve
     “A beachfront villa?”
     (The truth would kill ya)
So many guessing games I now relive

After dating three months, his wife found out
Burst into our love nest, called him a lout
     Eight kids behind her
     All hungry they were
Don Juan he was, but surely no space scout

If you meet a man and he asks you to guess
Take it from me and avoid this distress
     He may be akin
     To Rumpelstiltskin
The anger later is hard to suppress

Now I’ve learned to turn the tables on men
Asking them to “guess” again and again
     My private life hid
     Won’t remove the lid
And I’ve convinced some that MY name’s John Glenn


*Entry for Tracy's "Make Me Giggle" contest

Details | Limerick Poem | |

His funeral

That he planned his funeral is factual
And being a prankster quite actual
He prerecorded his voice
So when we kneeled on the joist
He said, "Hi there! Don't I look natural."

Details | Limerick Poem | |

GIMME A BRAKE

A UFO went to land in Dakota
But the brakes didn't work one iota.
        It didn't take long
        to decide what was wrong
seems the space ship was made by Toyota!

Details | Limerick Poem | |

You Don't Know Jack Kangaroo

A struggle ensued at the zoo
when King Lion met Jack Kangaroo.
Leo tried to attack,
but Jack fired right back:
"Are you crazy, Cat? I know Kung Fu!"

for Linda Marie Bariana's contest: Zany Zoo

Details | Limerick Poem | |

The Tale of Billy Bob Bunny

When Billy Bob Bunny turned one, his mama said, “Listen up, son. I’m sure you could get away from a net, but beware the guy bearing a gun! If a gun-toting farmer you see, you must hip hop away instantly. If he has good aim, you might end up lame or worse yet, rabbit stew you will be. So do please, Billy Bob, take good care that you don’t end up being the hare that loses his life so Farmer Jack’s wife has a soft rabbit stole she can wear!” But it wasn’t Billy Bob’s habit to listen to his Mama Rabbit. Without using good sense, he hopped over the fence, saw a carrot and started to grab it. Farmer Jack spied that rascal. Oh, my! From a gun, bullets started to fly. When a shot nicked his ear, Billy fell down from fear. Then he heard a small sound like a cry. “Please don’t shoot at the bunny again,” cried the farmer’s sweet daughter, and then Billy could feel her stroking his soft fur, and at night he was placed in a pen. Mama came to the pen and she said, “You are trapped. I’m just glad you’re not dead.” Though no freedom he had, Billy Bob was not sad. “I’m a loved pet,” he said, “and well fed!” The moral of this story is: You can tolerate any condition as long as you are loved and well fed!

Details | Limerick Poem | |

Low Cost Airline

With the rules she is quite savvy
Yet she has to pay a levy
She knows for a fact
The weight is exact
But, madam, she is top-heavy.


--------------------------------------------------------------
This is an offshoot to Jan's "Lets All Embrace Big Boobs"
--------------------------------------------------------------

Contest: A poem you have not entered in a contest # 7
Sponsor: Poet Destroyer A
Placing: 4th

Details | Limerick Poem | |

Mr Sandman Send Me To Sleep

Mr. Sandman Send Me To Sleep


He came to me, he came by sea
Escaping, he would set me free
Sending me into dreams
Of starlight and moonbeams
The sandman made a beach for me


For contest: A clean limerick
Date: 11-11-2014

Details | Limerick Poem | |

Coin With the Same Face on Both Sides

.





                                Once again the coin has been tossed
                                to choose between just dirt and dross
                                Insults from ridge to ridge
                                on how to build a bridge
                                in town without river to cross




.

Details | Limerick Poem | |

Sweet and Salty -LIBRA TALE

      LIBRA  TALE

Sweet and Sour hectic sign
Love me, trust me, the stars align
   Balance of truth and dare
   Good and Evil, full of care 
Blind when it comes to blood line


 
:) PD

Details | Limerick Poem | |

GROWING Together

After six months of living with you
I found it amazing how we grew
     As the passion seemed to fade
     The worst signs of this charade
Were the clothes I couldn’t fit into

Lovemaking’s a form of exercise
And then when it stopped, what a surprise
     I asked you if I looked fat
     You said, “There’s no truth in that”
As you consumed even more French fries

But the doctor’s scale would tell no lies
Some 25 pounds my weight did rise
     Still you refused to believe
     Just continued to deceive
Till friends noted YOUR increasing size



By Carolyn Devonshire
For Judy’s “Short Poem Contest”

Details | Limerick Poem | |

What's the Buzz

If I were a fly, I would take my place
In the halls of Congress where haste makes waste
     I’d buzz the House Speaker’s ear
     Because it has become clear
The voice of the public has been misplaced

Perhaps a good buzz would open their ears
Before they explore new spending frontiers
     Pork barrel projects still grow
     Let’s Make a Deal’s a game show
This game must end now as we’re in arrears

I’d surely make a nuisance of myself
I make a heck of a pesky black elf
     Sit on cups before they drink
     Lay eggs on collars of mink
Then wreak havoc with Obama himself



*Entry for Michael Falotico’s “Fly on the Wall” contest

Details | Limerick Poem | |

Valentine's Day Musings

All year long he puts my heart on a shelf
No surprise I’d rather be by myself
     If there’s no Valentine treat
     From this worthless hunk of meat
He can go on making love to himself

Remember there’s an “I” in Valentine
So if no one’s around to say, “Be mine”
     Just splurge – get a new hairdo
     Party with an all-girl crew
Check out the divorce rate and say, “I’m fine”




*For Francine's Valentine Limerick contest

Details | Limerick Poem | |

A Farm Yarn

When we were young boys on our farm.
A fish tale never meant any harm,
We oft were given a look,
When from such a tiny brook,
We claimed a fish as long as your arm.

But then our neighbor named Meg,
Beat the fib and put us down a peg,
By claiming from the same brook,
With not a worm on her hook,
She caught a fish as long as your leg!

Well that truth was quite hard to beat,
Then Summer beat a hasty retreat. 
Winter changed the fishing world,
Meg turned from tomboy to girl.
And now this fishing tale is complete!




For John Freeman's "Fishing Limericks"

Details | Limerick Poem | |

Valentine's Day Humbug

Love’s better when you’re a beginner.
On Valentine’s Day, you’re a winner.
For the old married gal
It’s a day usual.
And you’re lucky to get a free dinner!


(For Francine Robert's "Valentine's Day Limerick" Contest)

Details | Limerick Poem | |

Boozer Not a Loser

A billionaire, he knew each wine by name

Todd Worthington of inheritance fame

      Blindfolded he taste-tested

     Fans watched so interested

Until a street boozer put him to shame


Fred stumbled in, challenged Todd to a race

Though Fred was not skilled in fine social grace

     Drank Todd under the table

     Todd out cold, Fred was able

To acquire high society’s embrace



Written June 18, 2011 
for Francine’s “Bottle of Wine (Fruit of the vine, when...” contest”

Details | Limerick Poem | |

We'll meat again .

The  deli-girl  fumed  and  was  swearing 
At  the  Frenchman's  request , so  uncaring .
"Sir  you  are  the  dregs
NO !!  I don't  have  frogs  legs .
It's  these  5 inch  high  heels that  I'm  wearing ".


He  said  " that pigs head  looks  so  meek ".
His short  shiny  snout  oh  so sleek .
But  to  her  surprise ,
He said  "leave  in  the  eyes .
It's  gotta  see  me thro'  the  week ".



Inspired by the talented pen of M/S Guzzi and her " Bull O Ney " , rhyme , for the double 
limerick contest ..

Details | Limerick Poem | |

Viagra Falls

There once was a man from Niagara
whose wiener's so long it would stab ya'

but when it got little 
his pills became skittles   
until he O.D.'d on Viagra

© ~JSLambert  2011*****A classic "stiff" competitor, standing "firm" amongst other "members" in the "thick" of the competition:) hope everyone gets "a rise" out of it!

Details | Limerick Poem | |

My Big Fat Cousin's Wedding

My favorite cousin named Marge is almost as big as a barge. So one would assume, not knowing the groom, the guy would most likely be large. But he was a small man named Tim “As thin as a broom” describes him. While Marge would guffaw, Tim would watch her with awe and just smile for he was so prim! When the preacher addressed him and said, “You may now kiss the bride,” Tim turned red, for their lips could not meet. With high heels on her feet, Marge stood towering over his head. She leaned down while Tim stood on his toes, but for being in such a strange pose, Marge then came toppling down crushing Tim neath her gown while the whole church erupted in “Ohhhhh’s.” All was well, and thereafter, we ate; then we planned next to dance until late. But none could foresee the small tragedy that had us all leaving by eight! Marge had tossed off her heels for a glide on the dance floor, but when they both tried to dance, Tim got snagged by that dang gown and dragged as his bride was beginning to slide. . . Now shoeless, poor Marge could not stop. Toward a table with candles on top, they slid, and the groom then set fire to the room by landing with a belly flop. Poor Tim by the candles got lit, and we were all having a fit, for the fire got spread fast till the Best Man at last got us all wet extinguishing it! Inspired by the title of the movie: My Big Fat Greek Wedding & : Joann Grisetti's "My Cousin's Wedding" Poetry contest

Details | Limerick Poem | |

A "Brush" with Horror

Forget to brush; must maintain that gleam
Run to sink, grab a tube, no light stream
     Such an odd taste in my mouth
     Quickly I must spit it out
Oh, dear Lord, it’s Dad’s hemorrhoid cream!


(Sadly, a true story)

Details | Limerick Poem | |

Beatle Mania

Beatlemania (The Fab Four As Lovers) Once a choir boy, John turned to romance, Fell for Yoko almost at first glance. In full public view In bed with her too - Showed the world how to “give peace a chance.” Quiet George played much more than guitar. Lost his wife to another rock star. Layla left him because Of how hung up he was On the music he made with his sitar! Ringo acted in “Caveman” and met His wife Barb (once a Bond girl) on set. Though the film of this drummer Was dumber than dumber, Wise in love, he’s not left his Barb yet! A heart breaker, Paul left Wife "One" For Linda, and made her a vegan! On their farm smoking pot, They made money (a LOT)! He’s a genius whose life sure seems fun! written Oct. 13, 2013 for the BeatleMania Contest of Rhonda Johnson-Saunders

Details | Limerick Poem | |

Super Fly Spy

On the wall of a house I might be
Owned by *Brangelina Jolie.
There’s no real reason why.
I’m just one nosy fly.
Not to mention, Brad nude I might see!

House to house in each fine neighborhood
I’ll spy like a super fly should.
An “enquiring” mind,
Lots of scandal I’ll find.
As I fly over all Hollywood.

When I tire of the “stars,” I’ll fly to
Any place juicy plots might ensue.
Just beware. Flies like me
Are as sly as can be.
Right now I am looking at you!

*Brangelina refers to the coupleship of Brad & Angelina
I'm assuming they are still together?

For the Contest by Michael J. Falotico:
"A Fly on the Wall"

Details | Limerick Poem | |

The Foreign Diplomat

While campaigning among South American civilians 

he got news of the death of three Brazilians

        He said he was vexed
        
        then he asked quite perplexed

just how many is a brazillion?