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Best Burlesque Poems

Below are the all-time best Burlesque poems written by Poets on PoetrySoup. These top poems in list format are the best examples of Burlesque poems written by PoetrySoup members

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Details | Burlesque Poem | |

The Poetic Justice

As legend has it, there lived Bai Balkhash, a rich man
In the North regions of the then Soviet Kazakhstan
Had a beautiful daughter Ili who was without her Smiley
So Balkhash held a feast with a contest to win Ili.

Ili, loved a shepherd called Karatal and easily managed
For Karatal to win the contest of the grooms  staged
But Karatal followed the ancient tradition of love stories
Wherein the fathers were supposed to oppose the realities.

Now the lovers had no option but to run away and marry
And the angry father had no options to go contrary
So he turned them into rivers and himself a lake between.
Made himself a laughing stock taking water from rivers twin.

Today’s reality is Kazakhstan and China using Ili’s water
Poetic justice done, the lake drying, two rivers dying forever.

                                  ********
Burlesque Form

======================================

Dr. Ram Mehta
7th place win in:
Contest: Beloved Poem by Giorgio Veneto   - 



 






 

Details | Burlesque Poem | |

A Bad Day at the Eye Doctor's- a true story

"It was 6 or 7 years ago
Or so I'd like to think
I traveled to my eye doctor..
(I should'a seen a "shrink"!!)

My dad and I we awaited
In a filled up waiting room
Patients all a'seat
Magazines all askew
There wasn't much to say there
There wasn't much to do...

Slowly I did notice
Some odd glances made at me...
Some hand-covered conversations...
Some smirks I seemed to see

It made me feel self-conscious
They seemed fixed looking at me in my seat
When slowly I did realize...
That they were staring at my feet...

I looked down, and to my horror
And much to my surprise...
A sight I could not fathom...
I could not believe my eyes!!!

For one foot was well fitted
with tennis sneaker white...
The other a black dress shoe
It was a startling sight!!!

Now I found how hard it was
to hide one's mismatched feet
I wished to God to run out
And escape onto the street

I was red with great embarrassment
and shocked how stupid I could be!
Had I been that darn sleepy?
Or could I just not see?

Then it slowly dawned on me,
Well, darn it, here I sit....
Proves I need an eye-doctor...
and I don't give a sh__......."

Details | Burlesque Poem | |

a reading

“the eyes of my eyes opened” as
the door when she came in, late
and embarrassed, click of a
shutter into “the ear of my ear” a
whispered ‘hi’ for a greeting
at the meeting, a reading.
she might be beautiful, had I
my glasses, seeing nothing
of a face or a flower, boughing to
sunlight, bowing to heaven
I see inward had I my glasses
I’d hear a thought that over
me wrought a heaven-bent word or
something more absurd.
“Abso-lute-ly & pos-i-tive-ly”
dead in the large-room
prison-with-a-view, had I
my glasses, everything’s new
in its monotony, “under me you so quite new”
I knew the world kicks up its dirt in my
I would have seen the lies, the dirt, the
heaven-bent word, her (quite new), had I
my glasses.

Details | Burlesque Poem | |

The Elimination Method

Simple Mathematics, really.
To eliminate one component
To solve a problem quickly.


I’ll form the problem into a manageable state,
By easily eliminating an unwanted variable.
Now, just what variable to eliminate?


First, I will multiply the X by two.
That’s the first step. Done, I feel fine.
I will multiply the Y too.


Now, I add my X plus X.
My Y plus Y.
That was to make sure it checks.


Now here’s the predicament (easy my shoe!)
This is my problem,
And a real head-scratcher too!


The equation adds up nicely
And the X and Y are simplified.
But, how do I eliminate my algebra homework
Precisely? 

Details | Burlesque Poem | |

Exotic Dancer

Do people think you are sleazy and bad,
since the day you replied to that want ad?
The words were in black and white, and plain.
“No Experience Necessary, We Train”.
This job is not what most women would like to get,
However, it pays the bills and keeps you out of debt.
You live in a nice house, and drive a Corvette.
Of all the occupations anyone can seek,
there are not too many paying two grand a week.
They hired you for what came naturally.
Men easily discover your great beauty.
You have the looks of a centerfold in a magazine.
Your dancing in the club makes quite a scene.

A fight with your old man made him pack and go away.
He left you and your child unexpectedly one day.
You were desperate and needed a job right away.
It seems nobody was impressed with your resume.
Other employers apparently could not be convinced.
So many places only wanted experienced.

When you are dancing in the club each night,
men from all over think you are a delight.
Scantily clad, you erotically tease.
This is how you gather your gratuities.
Some men get obnoxious, and a bit out of hand.
Enforcers appear to take a stand.
A small team of bouncers comes out to greet.
The mashers land in the middle of the street.
Never mind what people think is wrong or right.
Many men like me will be seeing you tonight.


Details | Burlesque Poem | |

The Eyeshadow Girl

The blend of colors enlightens her day when she decides to embrace them;
She loves various colors which bring alive a girl’s eyes;
Each color depicts the triumph of beauty from within that is eager to fly more than twice;
The charisma of colors vitalizes one’s surrounding being a priceless gem.

Surveying around, she picks her Jimmy Choo;
Picking up her Chanel bag she appreciates her labor of love;
Then she looks at her sister to Shoo;
She knows that materialism and spiritualism is hard work from blessing above.


Details | Burlesque Poem | |

A Zit

Before the mirror his presence beamed.

In shock and horror, the mirror screamed

at his heartbeat

apart from me,

throbbing, ready to pop,

even talking, nonstop.

"Quiet, you fool," I whispered harshly,

yet the more he pestered me.

He spoke for me when we went out,

got all the attention with each shout.

A blush surrounded what I could not tame.

He held a bold stance, like a target for aim.

If only I could hide my face,

or take a wand and make an erase.

Even so, he'll go when he's ready,

and I'll have problems less petty.

Details | Burlesque Poem | |

A Hummerous Life

In times like this it’s pertinent to stroke the longest cord
for hummer is impertinent and seldom brings discord.
Each slippery politician who runs yelling, “Come on Board!”
is asking for some hummer from constituents lapboards.

He wants them on their knees paying, for taxing fills his hoard
Just a little hummer raises bundles and gets Johnny Boys accord.
And, if you think it just ain’t right to make a joke of Nancy*
then let me tell you baby, your hummers just not fancy!

Hell, you have to laugh at what they say, and their fancy stroking
for if you took them seriously, even Heimlich would be choking!
So, just remember next time your party yells "Come on Board!"
that if you do, you must expect the meaning is untoward.


*Nancy / Nancy boy - It is the opposite of being hard. 
In cold weather a nancy boy would dress up in a coat,
hat, gloves and scarf and a hard guy would wear a t-shirt. 

*hummer a slang word for a type of sex
** humour/hummer it's a play on words


Details | Burlesque Poem | |

Rude Hood

Once there was a girl, little hood,

She was a fine mamma, looking good.

Hood decided to take a walk

Didn’t see the wolf watching her like a hawk.

 

Mesmerised by her swinging ass

He trailed behind watching her sway with class

He said “I gotta have a piece of hood,”

“That ass is juicy and good for food.”

 

Suddenly he stopped with a frightful stare

Across from her was mamma, papa and baby bear.

The notorious trio who did goldilocks 

Just  down the road about three blocks

 

Wolf said “I’m not gonna stand for this.”

The Wolf now was getting pissed.

He draws his ooze and colt 44

Rat a tat tat  mama , papa and baby no more.

 

Smoke clears and he sees hoods’ on the floor

“F--k!” he screams “I killed my wh-re.”

 She stirs and looks at him with a smile,

Hood says “Bad boy tonight you get to do d--gystyle.”

Details | Burlesque Poem | |

THE CLEVERNESS OF THAT YOUNG TRAVELER

Once his brown alpargata shoes trod countless miles,
imagination burst from his vivid, traveler's eyes...
He traversed valleys leading to azure mountains,
and heard a chant sung with vivacious tones.


Like the invaders of the past that built sturdy castles
on rugged hills, he intruded in those ghostly places...
expecting swift lancers with fierce glances ready to attack him,
or take him prisoner and toss him in a dungeon completely dim.


But with his slick tongue, he would kindly ask for a fair trail
and be scolded by the drunken King with the fattest tummy
to explain with a few words his intrusion in that well-guarded territory;
and looking so young and innocent, his plan for deception wouldn't fail!


" Oh, mighty Frederick II...I come in peace and as a conquered native,
I would bow in admiration to be of service to your kingdom,
which extends from Naples to Sicily, your mercy is imperative...
may your soldiers unlock these heavy chains that make me lame!"  



The Norman King with the bluest eyes ordered the knights 
to free him and waited for words to flow from his mouth with dry lips, " My great
 King, I have grown grapes that are so juicy to eat with bread and they make
the most delicious wine to bring merriment to your festive nights!"


" Where's this region you mention with such wonder and delirium?"
With red-inflamed pupils, King Frederick II asked him. And he traveler's deep voice
vibrated with loud excitement , " Into the valley of Baianum!"
" Let me out of this castle and I will show the purple grapes of a farmer's choice!"


" Let him loose!" ordered the tall, fair king. " Give him the fastest  horse,
and let him bring me proof of his finding!" The soldiers obeyed with reluctance,
but little trust they showed in him: they assumed he was another well-paid jester,
who performed his comedy well...they knew the cleverness of that young traveler! 

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