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Humorous Sad Poems | Sad Poems About Humorous

These Humorous Sad poems are examples of Sad poems about Humorous. These are the best examples of Humorous Sad poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

Details | Footle | |

Heartache-Collaboration With Jan Allison

You leave
I grieve

Your lies
My cries

I’m sad
Feel bad
 
Sex bomb
With Tom

Fat git
The sh*t

He’s rank
Feet stank
 
Bad lay
He’s gay!

Huge butt
Cheap slu*

Good bye 
You're sly

You stray
I pay

cat stink
no drink

new chick
cut di**

no wife
sad life


Details | Haiku | |

The Internet: Return

A void of Facebook
Creativity dies here...
Procrastination!


Details | Acrostic | |

Reflections: Midlife Crisis

P     aranoia permeates, etching itself into your fractured face,
A     cacophony of constant pressure; life remains a stressful race,
N     othing to hope for, no positives like promotion in the workplace,
I      nability to love, relationships lift anchor and set sail without chase,
C     hildren crushing dreams under mortgages; age grows with disgrace
!!


Details | Bio | |

Solitude: To Yoda, An Ode

Green bark a prism creates,
Feel the pull of earth, you must.

Rotates, a slime of endless hates,
Can hold me not, this world’s crust.

Friendship’s ties, isolation Deflates,
Succumbs, my spaceship, to bitter rust.

Mist, my soul forever permeates,
Lift-off, booms the rocket’s thrust.

My spirit when light returns, elates,
Swamps swell, swallowed hope’s swirling dust.

Trapped, I am, until student from fate
Arrives to learn; Cloud City or bust.


Details | Rhyme | |

The Doctor Is A Dead Man Walking

Bob had a special talent
That only worked in his men’s store.
He had ‘clothing ESP’.
He knew what his customers wanted…and more.

When customer would come into his store
Bob would invariably say, 
“Hello. I'm Bob. Don’t say a word.
I already know what you need today.”

And he was always right,
Never missed a color, fabric, style or size.
He even knew the necessary alterations.
Customers couldn’t believe their ears and eyes.

Meanwhile, in another part of town,
Joe had a pounding, relentless migraine
For every minute for more than five years,
It had driven him near insane.

He’d lost his job to the pain.
Then, he lost his wife.
He had lost a lot of weight and rarely slept.
Yes, his was a miserable life.

And, of course,  sex was out of the question…
Even a little self-abuse.
There was nothing left for Joe but pain.
He felt his life was of no use.

So, Joe went to his doctor.
“Doc, please help me end this pain.
Give me something to make me sleep
And never wake up again.”

“You know I can’t assist your suicide.”,
Then he looked sad, perhaps ashamed.
“I never dreamed it would last five years,
But I know how to end the pain.”

“You can make it go away?!
Tell me, Doc!  What’s the word?”
“I’ll have to remove your testicles.”
Was the last thing that Joe heard.

But…when he came to, it struck him.
Sex was out of the question anyway;
But he might enjoy his meals again,
And he could sleep for days.

“Please check me in, Doc.
This opportunity I cannot shirk.”
So, the doctor removed his testicles.
He did his very best work.

A few days later, Joe waddled along,
Headache free and feeling pretty nice;
But every attractive woman he saw 
Reminded him of his sacrifice.

He decided it was appropriate
To do something nice for himself for a change.
So, he went into a travel agency;
And a six month cruise he arranged.

As he left the travel agency,
He was excited, feeling ready to go;
But for such a glorious adventure,
He would need new clothes.

As he walked along, he saw Bob’s Men's Store.
He walked in, only to hear Bob say,
“Hello.  I’m Bob. Don’t say a word.
I already know what you need today.”

“How could you know?” asked Joe.
“It’s a gift.  I don’t know how, but I do.
You’ve suffered five years with an ailment,
Found relief, so now you’re taking a cruise.” 

Joe could not believe his ears.
How could this stranger possibly know?
"You're right! That's amazing!
And I'm going to need new clothes." 

Bob then laid out a fabulous wardrobe
All the right colors, fabrics, styles…and each size.
Joe was incredibly impressed.
He could hardly believe his ears and eyes.

“How do you like the wardrobe?”
“It’s wonderful!”  Bob could see that Joe was pleased.
“Now,” said Bob, “What about undergarments;
You know…shorts and tees?

Let’s see…medium crew neck tees, all cotton.
I believe that you prefer white….
And jockey shorts, all cotton…. 34s.
Yes, I'm sure that’s right.”

Joe beamed, “You’re an amazing talent
And I just this second realized,
You've laid out this entire wardrobe
And only missed one size.”

Bob, surprised by his mistake, asked, “Really?
What did I miss?  I did my best for you.”
“Well…you’re right.” said Joe, “I do wear Jockeys,
But…well…I wear 32s.

“Oh, no!” said Bob with an ugly grimace.
“That would be a serious mistake.
Thirty-twos would be too small, 
They would cramp your balls.
You’ll get migraine headaches.”


Details | Free verse | |

Conspiracy: Who Killed The Easter Bunny

A crowded table, all suspended in shock 
The sound of the shot dimming to a ‘knock’
Only silence, except for the marching clock
The weapon still smoking; an anonymous glock
WHO KILLED THE EASTER BUNNY?

Loud cries arise from the elongated table,
Jack Frost is shocked, the Tooth Fairy unable
To speak whilst Santa is checking the stable
For clues on the erstwhile maidservant Mable
WHO KILLED THE EASTER BUNNY?

They searched for hours, called in C.S.I,
Panic set in, would the children all cry?
Sandman confirmed the bunny had died
Batman suspected somebody had lied
WHO KILLED THE EASTER BUNNY?

Guests were quizzed, interrogations began
The mystery unfolded when Santa Claus ran,
Grabbing the pies, he tried escaping in a van
But was stopped in his tracks by superman
SANTA KILLED THE EASTER BUNNY!


Details | Limerick | |

The young man from Dover

There was a young man lived in Dover
And he was the son of a rover
He fell into the sea
Cause clumsy was he
A shark came and it was all over.


Details | Epitaph | |

That's Chuck, He's my Friend

What's that in your hand?. Let me see.. He said.
It's a picture; that`s Chuck; he is my friend... I said.
You pick your friends kinda young, don't you?... He said.
No, that was a long time ago. We were in college... I said.
I'd like to hear more about your pal Chuck... He said.

Okay... I met Chuck in New Paltz in `74... I said.
Oh, that's the pot smoking college, isn't it... He said.
Don't generalize, everyone's not the same... I said.
You're right. So tell me some more about Chuck... He said.
Okay, so you want the short version, or long one ... I said.
Whatever you like, I have plenty of time ... He said.

Well, this guy Chuck approaches me; he looks perplexed... I said.
So what was his issue. Why that look on his face... He said.
Chuck tells me "No one will stay with me in the room."... I said.
How odd is that? That doesn't make sense... He said.
You and I swing one way, Chuck swings the other. ... I said.
Now I see what the problem was; What did you do?... He said.
What do you think ? That doesn't bother me.... I said.

Hey, you want to hear a funny story? It's a side splitter... I said.
I've got time. I could use a good laugh right about now... He said.
Chuck had a 53 Schwinn bicycle, all chrome, red and white... I said.
You've got to be kidding me. I haven't seen one in years.... He said.
I'd hop on back. We`d go to town and chug down a few together... I said.
That's not funny. Where's the punchline? So what happened?... He said.
Well, one day Chuck failed a test and got super pissed off.... I said.
That's not funny either. You've got to do better than that.... He said.
He yanked on the handlebar so hard, he busted it clean in half... I said.
Wow ! Did they have "Funniest Home Videos" back then?... He said.

That's not all. We had so much fun together. There's more... I said.
Don't keep me in suspense. Lay it on me..... He said
There was this girl; unique with a special attribute.... I said.
What was so special? Three breasts instead of two?... He said.
No joke, her name was Madam Clittora! Enough said... I said.
I can't believe that. You gonna leave me hanging?... He said.

Anyway, shortly after that, I graduated. Chuck was younger.... I said.
So what happened to Chuck? Good friends keep in touch... He said.
We saw him two years later. We visited With his family, was nice... I said.
Ever see them again? You shouldn't desert a friend.... He said. 
You're right. But things don't always pan out... I said.
So what does that mean? You both seemed quite close.... He said.

I was married at the time with a lot of responsibilities... I said.
So that's no excuse. You should've kept in touch... He said.
After that, I didn't. Time changes things. Wasn't intentional.... I said.
So is there more to this story? There's got to be more... He said.
Oh, there is. Time moves on. 35 years later... I said.

It's 2010 and out of the blue, I think of my old pal Chuck... I said.
So you didn't forget him after all, but almost... He said.
It's a gamble, Chuck Drzal was in the phonebook; I called... I said.
Good for you. You took a chance, renewed a friendship... He said.
You're right. Just like old times. `74 again. What a feeling... I said.
So what happened next. Tell me quick, can't wait... He said.

We talked off and on, old times and new things; it was good... I said.
So it sounds like things are really working out for you guys... He said.
We saw Chuck, in the summertime; looked good for 52... I said.
Hey that's great news; Is there more to the story?... He said.

A little more... His friend died the day after we saw him... I said.
Oh, bummer. Sorry to hear that. How`s Chuck now?... He said.
Called him in November. His diamond ring was stolen... I said.
Wow ! That's a real downer. Did they catch the bastard?... He said
No !... I said.

There's got to be more than that. Call him since then?... He said..
Yeah... but... I called twice... he never answered the phone... I said.
Well, I hope you find out how he is doing?... He said.
I did. Saw his obit a few days ago. He died November 17th... I said.
 
 He looked at me. A tear rolled down his cheek... He said nothing..
I looked at him. Couldn't speak, all choked up.... I said nothing.
He looked at me. Gave me a hug, turned and walked away.
I yelled to the universe... "That's Chuck, he's my friend!"


Details | Haiku | |

Haikus About God: III

Beauty of nature
Why condense it down to God?
Isn’t life enough?


Details | Verse | |

Inevitable Bear

Oh lonely Inevitable Bear,
Padding claws, death in white
Sorrow in recurring nightmare
Instinct’s test; fight or flight?

Camouflage against the fence,
A challenge; my subconscious fear
Ominous slowly moving silence,
“Let me in, there’s a bear out here!”


Details | Carpe Diem | |

Pricked

Your  love pricks me like a rose each thorn grows but no one knows Your so full of 
it as it shows so carry on now go on, go. I'm fed up with the phony and  i'm 
through with the tears, you couldn't pay me all your money to make up for those 
years. Someone help me I feel faint how could I think he was such a saint and 
worst of all I let me fall into a spiral down below. A magic called love carried 
by the dove of someone I use to know.


Details | Rhyme | |

Hellllpppppppp I've Lost My Banana

Went to get my banana as I headed for the door
It had been on the table that much I know for sure
Last night I put it ready to take with me to work
Now it has gone AWOL and I feel such a berk

I’d gone into the kitchen I was busy multitasking
Picked up my banana, but where is it now I’m asking
Had been to brush my teeth its something I always do
But it isn’t in the bathroom what am I going to do

I’ve checked the kitchen cupboard and underneath my chair
The microwave and fridge – oh damn it isn’t there
Got into my car and listened to ‘The Pearl Fishers’
Maybe my poor banana is somewhere lurking in a fissure

Now I’m back at home and of bananas I do dream
The little yellow fiend it still cannot be seen
I’m starting to worry now that I am turning mad
And I’m also pretty hungry that really is so sad

I will continue in my quest to find the missing fruit
Cos this pain in my tummy is turning quite acute
If I can’t locate it today I may get quite depressed
I need to find that banana and put my mind at rest


Jan Allison
14th May 2014


Details | Free verse | |

No Party For Pity

 No party for pity. 
 Question the absurdity. 
 Friends, use discretion 
 if you get an invitation. 
 It's counterfeit. 
 Don't believe it. 
 Don't RSVP, 
 if you receive it. 
 Discard immediately. Don't contemplate. 
 It'll lead you nowhere. Don't save the date. 
 No early, late, or on time arrivals. 
 The doorbell is silent. 
 No lively dinner guests, 
 dressed in their best. 
 No hors d'oeuvres served on a fancy plate. 
 No thought-provoking conversations. 
 No guestbook to sign. 
 No vintage wine. 
 No catered food. 
 No live music for the mood. 
 No celebration for pity's pains. 
 No "congratulations,"  for complaints.         
 No party here. Discard the invitation. 
 Pity's alone, in bitter contemplation.


Details | Senryu | |

Itch

An itch in my eye

An unbidden thought, startling

Thus tear met finger


Details | Quatern | |

My glorious seat taken

Glory ran in my head I was soon to take the lead Made into the Queen The one to rule behind the screen Was suddenly thrust into the light The limelight shining so bright My seat was there, so shiny It all made me so preppy As I climed the stairs I was all in tears A lifetime of repairs Rang in my own ears When I froze, so stony The announcer said sorry A mistake it was, his own My name thrown on the back lawn I watched, as my seat was taken By my contestant, so gladdened No more to be the Queen I was sure to turn mean!


Details | Rhyme | |

Alice Unloved Part one

Her silhouette was the kitchen green
Of her grandmother's house wanting clean
Her eyes dim the overcast soul within
Little Alice had not a single ghostly friend
Moonlit shadows dancing of grays and soft black
Mocked the little soul in gleeful ghoulish attack
As the moon surrender to the sun
Their haunts echo undone

Alice planted in her granny's rocking chair
Lids of her eyes closed but her soul still stared
The impish sphinx rocking her eternal sway
Forever in a place that love once stayed
Unloved in life unwanted in death
Only grandmother's love could lift
The hurt, the fears, the pain
Gentle the caress sweet sound of her name
"Alice don't cry my love"
"Alice just needs old granny's hugs"

Safe and sound in old granny's lap
Troubles dissolved into a gentle nap
But granny could not forever live
Her parents hating themselves had no love to give
Alone and cold that bleak December night
Alice fled to the abandon house of her only delight
Asleep in granny's rocking chair she froze
Unclaimed her little spirit never rose

Old ghost of the shuttered house's past
Had no use for the sad little lass
Whenever the living intrude
No response from Alice not even a "BOO"
Silent and sad she just sits
This gives the other spirits hisses fits
"Where's my granny?  Alice unloved"
"Where's my granny?  Alice unloved"
"She's no fun just plain and dumb"
"She's no fun just plain and dumb"

No emotions from the girl of stone
But you can't ignore what won't leave you alone
"Rock away in your old granny's chair"
"Rock away do you think we care?"
And then they would all dance around
Hoping at least to catch a frown
But her thin pale lips of faded blue
Not once did they flinch or even move

Bored and tired their night was done
Shadows flee into cracks to escape the sun
But little Alice never stirs
Her fragile essence enjoys the blur
Of the penetrating light that warms her soul
A touch that beats with a love she knows
For the sun brings light and a quiet smile
Her grandmother comes and sits a spill
Together they rock away each day
Free from pain and shadows of gray

But grandmother did not come one day
Her realm from earth was taken away
She was judge good and enters those Pearly Gates
No longer to Alice could her spirit escape
Alice unloved each night and every day
Alice unloved taunted by shadows of gray
Alone in a crowd of ghouls and ghost
Silent and empty for less to most




(continued Alice Unloved Part Two)


Details | Blank verse | |

CLICHE

Once upon a time
A corny cliché that rhymes
They all lived happily after
A cliché that s***s and doesn't

Contest: Jerry's "S***s"
Date: 10-27-14


Details | Free verse | |

There Once Lived A Cat

There once lived a cat named Doll she drink alcohol.
Everyday she'd drink and drink until her breath became rank and stank.
Not A drop did she pour down the sink. 
Then one night she got so drunk she stumbled out the door and wasn't seen no more.
Then three days later her body was found in a big lake where she lay drown.
The news was heard all around cat city.
"Such a pretty cat" they'ed say "Oh what a pity" 
Why did such a thing happen to this kitty?
A autopsy was done to see why she died, she drown of course but it's what they found inside.
They said that she was high after sniffing catnip all day, then she got drunk and went out to play.
How sadden they all were to hear such a thing.
The funeral is now over and she now lies in her grave six feet under. 



Details | Rhyme | |

Alice Unloved Part two

July and a baseball shatters boarded glass
Finding its way into the lap of the lass
Tommy too young and boyishly brave
Enters the old house to discover her grave
There sit the bones of the little girl
Rocking gently after the baseball whirl
He looked upon her skeleton face
Her tatter clothes barely on place
And on the tiny wrist a bracelet plain
Just five blue letters that spelled her name

Without a thought Tommy spoke out loud
"Alice" he said innocently with a broken smile
The letters on the bracelet seem to lift in a cloud
Rising into the mist while the cracks howl
Alice was free and her letters of blue
Sparkle into the light than into the sun flew
Tommy wet his pants and forgot his quest
He fled for his life but he freed Alice.


Details | Epitaph | |

Laurel And Hardy {Epitaph}

                                      American duo great humorists by far
                                      A famous act of our cinema history
                                     Hal Roach's most lucrative comedy stars
                                     Revived on our T.V's in movies or mysteries






 In Loving Memory Of
     Laurel And Hardy





Thanks Again To 
Sir Joseph Spence




Epitaph is a commemorative poem inscribed on a tombstone or mortuary 
monument written in praise of a deceased person.  Generally, epitaphs are 
small poems with rhyming lines written in reflection of the deceased person’s 
life.  They are not always somber and some are very humorous and witty.


Details | Rhyme | |

Recycling

Plastic in the plastic bin
Aluminum in another
Food scrapes for compost
Paper bound tight

Glass goes where the glass goes
Am I saving the world
Does it make a difference
Am I doing alright

I cleaned out our bedroom
And found a picture of you
The one with that sly smile
Just a picture of you

I know we parted
I know it was right
But why do I know
I'll stare at your picture all night

Is there a way to recycle
A broken heart
Can you salvage
Each memory broken apart

Can I put in a bin
The first time we kissed
Can I tie and bind away
Every dream every hope every wish

Maybe some other lovers
Can find the treasure we had
Maybe they can reuse our love
And make each other glad

Is there a way to recycle
Love gone bad
Such a waste, hard to replace
When happiness turns sad

Recycling recycling
That's what the world needs
Don't throw love away
Reuse it it's okay

For a love that once was strong
If dusted and cleaned
Can shine in new hearts
That's the magic of recycling.


Details | Prose Poetry | |

Responses to Reflexive Daydream

But my love had wanted me to close my eyes. She awaited that moment for an eternity with
unrivaled patience. For she was in love with the water and waited only for me to close my
eyes so that her escape could happen without my perception. I was the scapegoat for my
love. What a cruel twist of irony: the reason I was unhappy would seemingly be of my
fault. How amazingly spiteful that the one I loved so much allowed me to wallow in
self-pittance while she made off with her true love. Her true love that lurked so calmly
undetected, yet was there the whole time. 

My love floated, dead, alongside my boat. I continued to ride as the boat smoothly and
steadily headed toward shore. In an almost humorous obedience, my love stayed alongside
the boat. Caught in the wake, her non-seeing eyes saw everything but saw nothing. Her
beauty was unharmed and the water made her shimmer and sparkle with the sun's rays. If
this was how it was going to be, I was okay with it. My love was happy. As I rode closer
to shore, my love's body slowly started to float higher up on the water. Her eyes became
less whited. As the boat slid up onto the soft, white sand, her laid half-in, half-out of
the lake. Without hesitation, I bent down and lifted her into my arms. As she awoke from
the sleep of death, she coughed and gasped. I whispered I love you as our embrace grew.


Details | Epitaph | |

Liberator (Epitaph)

He lived a life of such greatness
And did not die a thousand deaths
To all souls he brought happiness
Even as he breathed his last breath


© Joseph, 8/12/07
© All Rights Reserved


 
Epitaph is a commemorative poem inscribed on a tombstone or mortuary 
monument written in praise of a deceased person.  Generally, epitaphs are 
small poems with rhyming lines written in reflection of the deceased person’s 
life.  They are not always somber and some are very humorous and witty.