I do not know?
I'm sitting on the floor
I'm crying so much more
trying to erase this pain
trying to forget your face
sitting here with the blade in my hand
running so slow blood dripping down
in a deep red color
flowing freely the way i want to feel
I'm sitting on the floor
holding my hand out
I'm holding a bottle
a bottle filled with pills
I'm crying so hard
the pain is unbearable
I'm feeling so weak
I'm sitting here on this floor
holding a blade
crying like crazy
trying to take this pain away
I'm trying my best trying to fight
my eyelids feel heavy
my door is so far
the whispered yells to far
falling deep in to sleep
I'm laying on a bed
I'm so confused
where am i?
my throat feels sore
my body screams in pain
I'm looking around
I'm in a small white room
i try to move,
my hands are stuck
i try to get up
i feel restraints
what happened to me?
I'm laying on a bed
trying to get up
my head hurts
a nurse is here
a shot is administered
i drift to sleep
I'm in the psych ward
why am i here?
I'm lying on a bed
laying so still
my wrists hurts to no end
I'm crying out loud
screaming and cussing
my body hurts
i can't remember
all i remember are my bloody wrists
and a bottle of pills
all i remember is the pain i was in.....
Put a bullet in my brain
as the rain sweeps her out of my arms
and places her into another's.
Put a bullet in my brain
for I don't want to see love slip away
please end my suffering,
for I don't want to dare see her in the arms of another man.
I fear the tear that slips away from my soul
and touches the ground with a splash
as she is washed away by the lashed memories of the rain,
please, someone put a bullet in my brain.
I can't bear to see her with another man
laying in his arms
as he charishes her beauty
just like I did to her.
As she smiles and laughs at his jokes
my heart would not bare the sorrow and pain
that would tare my heart apart into pieces of tainted love.
Please tell the rain to stop,
as the pain grows when rain comes down,
please someone end my suffering,
put a bullet in my brain
and stop the rain
that washes away every memory of her.
Stop saying you miss me
and just kiss me
for I can't take the pain
of the rain that takes you away.
Kiss me and stop saying you miss me
for those are useless words to me.
Love is where it's at, so show me.
Don't go with him, he'll treat you wrong.
Love and laugh with me till the break of dawn
as we yawn the long night away.
Kiss me and don't say you miss me.
For if you go away from me,
I couldn't bare to take a tear and waste it away.
Tears, sweet tears crying for you,
doesn't that mean anything to you?
I ask you, stop the rain,
stop the pain and put that bullet in my brain.
Let the red blood flow from my temples.
Let the plow dig my grave,
for I can't bare to see you with another
in his arms, him kissing you, where I kissed you.
I can't take it, I have to make it,
make that pain go away.
Prayer didn't help, God turned a blind eye
when I came up and said why!
Put that bullet in my dome
and when I lay in the coffin, looking at the roof of the church
you come and kiss me, and then you can really say
that you'll miss me.
Every morning I wake and gaze my lover in her face
Her eyes are close so tight
I wonder who she is dreaming of
Maybe in her sleep is the only place she forgives me.
In a bit, she will awake
Walking towards the shower
Her fresh smile in the morning is fake
I can smell her odor, like a flower.
How could I do this to you?
I know you are hurting everyday
With all the things I did to you
Thank you for not walking away.
Seeing as you get dressed in front of me
With a body so nice leaving me aroused
Afraid of you going your own way
Every time I see you leave with an open blouse
The harder I try to make it better
You gain authority over me
Holding you near in the cold weather
You push me away when you remember
You are the best thing that ever happens to me
How could I be so dumb with my stupidity
May be one day you will forgive
Without you I realize I cannot live
My days go by me very slow
The love for me, you no longer show
Lying by your side where you rest
You turn away before I turn off the light
I want to touch you with a nice soft caress
You say you are tired just about every night
I kiss your neck to see if you respond
You give me the cold shoulder as if we just had a fight
I touch your curves with my fingertips
Still, you do not give into my lips.
I beg you please do not make me wither away
You say you have nothing to say
Regretting what I did everyday
I am still deeply in love with you,
Without you I do not know what to do!!!
Let the Deicide commence.
You're a voyeur at best!
Your vampiric heart is beating out of your chest!
And you have slayed the ones whom would love you for anything less
Ready to consume the final fragments of innocence,
And for you there is no forgiveness,
On your knees pleading, screaming to a tyrant in the skies;
The father of lies.
I will never be enslaved in your superiority
The people agree: jaded of your false dichotomies.
Know: I will be whomever nature intends to be
Apollo and I will share our dreams,
and you will be forced to see
I know who you are...
Readily the first to present your scars
Chained by some despot or mental czar
An emotional homunculus in your mind, behind bars
Reluctant to escape - even when proven fake
Your demented mind - depths no one will penetrate!
...And you see me suffering
Not caring of any casualties
Just as long you recieve your safeguard of sympathy
So very wary of the masses and their Anarchy; Liberious ways
Solipsist - Is there no one you can see?
Even if she was presented burning?
Solipsist - Is there no one you can believe?
Even if Sophia was screaming?
Solipsist - Know you have killed and abused me
Imprisoned in your own personal reality
Something is in my heart
I want to say it
Words can't support me
How can I say it?
I want to know,
If you can bear it
Why can't I say it?
I am delighted,
If you want to hear it?
No, no, or never
Why can't I say it?
A sweet flower's funeral
displayed in the cold months
of snowy weather and bone chilling shivers.
A sweet flower burned away, dried up;
buried six feet under.
Oh, my sweet flower,
how you once bloomed with no remorse,
like a madman blooming with beauty
and a glorious halo over your head
shinned with such power and blinding glory.
Oh my sweet flower how you have gone now,
resting in peace in the land of paradise.
Oh, my heart it is weak when I see your face,
of once beautiful smiles and warm embraces.
I can hear your crying out to be free.
Snowing and bone chilling cold ripes at my soul
and feelings of sorrow rage through my blood,
boiling my hatred to the world, for losing your
sweet and ever glorious beauty.
What I would give away, if I could be with you
one last night, one last night together
to hold you in my arms, to smell your sweet perfume
that brings back sweet memories of you and I.
What I would do to be with you,
such romance travels through my heart in the highways
of my veins in my body, love is all throughout me,
and my heart breaks when pictures of you start to collect dust.
My love for you, my sweet flower,
is still ingering through the air,
as I travel and look upon a tombstone
which shows your beautiful name.
Come to me my dear flower,
when spring comes,
come to me my dear, sweet flower.
And bloom once again,
twice as large as last year,
and ten times more beautiful then last year.
Come to me in the first months of spring
in my dreams, so I could sit and talk with you.
I miss you already,
and my heart crys,
my eyes flood with tears of sorrow.
I miss our love we shared.
warm cuddling embraces
and beautiful displayed in a picture frame.
Now I hear the tapping of raindrops on my window pane.
That is all that keeps me company,
that and the rose you gave to me
and a picture of you and me.
Love is endless, even when blue eyed Death comes to visit
and play a game of chess with us,
we all play our game, my love.
I shall go tonight
in my sleepy slumber
and dream of you in the times of our height in our love for each other.
My lost love, you are gone, resting in paradise,
but never forgotten my sweet flower.
I will grow old
I tremble in the cold
None to care
I have nothing to fear...
But my love is alive
Though I strive
Beautiful roses to pluck
Yet I am stuck..
I grow old with wrinkle
Yet I will kinker
You will always remain in my mind
This is how you will find...
I'm not angry because we broke up,
I'm sad because I can't let you go..
I'm not angry at you for not loving me,..
I'm angry with me for still loving you..
I'm not angry that I lost you,..
I'm sad because I once had you..
I'm not angry that I can't have you,
I'm sad because I know what I'm missing..
I'm not angry that you've moved on,
I'm sad because I can't..
I'm not angry that you won't come back,
I'm sad because I keep hoping you will..
I'm not angry because I hate you and don't want to,..
I'm sad because I miss you and I love you...??
i look to stars and wishes flew through space never to be heard again
fun to friends hearts do meld and break facing until time ends
this loop that plays and beats that syncopate become but a gem
pleasure a chest opened in surprise feeling no need to defend
galaxies away lonely planets please keep me in mind
distance could grow something fond or lost between the lines
gps my love you can see its still where I left it behind
thoughts fade away with life love lives forever in my rhyme
Im sorry, I wanted more,with all this space between
disconnected and I still look to that day
we talked on the phone, our separate homes
the love we had seemed so far away
without air i couldnt breathe squeezed until I'm passing by
no water flow my skin would dry and I return to the sky
sunny days would blacken out, attracting need for desperate lies
to make up for the beauty lost from death slowly closing my eyes
that fire once sparking motion snuffed in huffs slipping away
dwifting I sway shaky grounds where once I sat easily and stay
upon my feet I still float drowning out all thoughts that stray
Tho these ends can come swift its worse to miss and hear you say
Im sorry, I wanted more,with all this space between
disconnected and I still look to that day
we talked on the phone, our separate homes
the love we had seemed so far away
down the road,flying free, I ride the wave and hope for your return
through several seas and cloudy peaks, storms of sand, I will not turn
helpless to fate and future events, nothing prevents something to learn
sights may not sore, nothing much looking more, isn't my concern
I hope the best and happyness is true to bless you, not just in dreams
we can meet when we sleep discussing life while sleeping seems
thanks for trying Im not exactly dying, banes of sentient beings
real enough moving on is rough, i'll love you forever, writting my means
Written August 21, 2013
There's a girl in the garden
She's messing with your rose bed
Plucking weeds out from your head
And watering the seeds in your bed
But where will she wander
When the roses are dead
Will she come back for more
When they turn back to red
She can run all alone
Write this story in stone
On concrete slabs
Of skin and bone
A single kiss from thy lovely lips,
so sweet and so divine,
yet I taste posion upon your tongue.
Your beauty so glorious,
like a blooming rose so beautiful,
yet, why do mine eyes go blind
in the sight that you walk along with another?
Yes you, walk with another,
arm under arm,
lips touching lips in romantic kisses,
it makes my blood boil,
for mine lips are dry.
For mine eyes have seen your glory,
yet no one here listens to my story.
You are evil, yes you are,
don't try to deny,
Listen to a man of experience,
you might as well save some expense.
I write of our long romantic walks
we took together, under the shade of olive trees,
how we went apple picking in autumn time,
and made love in the foyer.
Nomore of that sweet and passionate love,
nomore silent kisses in the night,
when the wind blows hard against the branches,
that tape violently on my windowpane.
Nomore somber tears shed, when you got sick,
and nomore warm embraces when you shed tears of betrayal.
Betrayal now is a game played by a fool,
such as I,
to think I'd have a happy life with you?
Huh, only a fool would think such a thing,
but now I sit, looking at the foyer,
where we once made sweet, passionate love,
nomore will that foyer be filled with exotic pleasure.
Nomore will you be filled with smiles and exotic pleasure.
I've done my job, as a good man shall do,
now pack your things and get of my stage,
the spotlight yawns for anew,
and the audience grows tired and restless of you.
Now I live life anew,
you too shall see life in new eyes,
walking hand and hand with the blond, blue eyed devil
you call your own.
Shall he take one kiss from your lips,
and die of the posion he tastes on your tongue,
shall he go blind, when he sees your true, black beauty?
He will see the ugly soul, covered up by white rags,
and cheap makeup,
and then he will come to me,
and shake my hand in condolence
and say, "You were right!"
Now you are all alone,
looking for another, as you did many times before,
Now you are alone, walking an open road,
spying on another,
fear of being alone.
Now, you see when you play games with a good man's emotions,
don't try it,
because a good man is not meant to be toyed with.
Regrets & mistakes they're memories made..
Our bridge burned up in smoke...
Who would have known how bitter the end would taste...
With what was done...
It over shadows all the good times we shared...
I can't take back...
My heart is heavy...
Wish I could remove the pain...
Please don't forget me, I beg....
I'll find someone like you...
And give her all the things I wanted to give to you...
I wish you all the best....
Your love pricks me like a rose each thorn grows but no one knows Your so full of
it as it shows so carry on now go on, go. I'm fed up with the phony and i'm
through with the tears, you couldn't pay me all your money to make up for those
years. Someone help me I feel faint how could I think he was such a saint and
worst of all I let me fall into a spiral down below. A magic called love carried
by the dove of someone I use to know.
How Alone Am I
How Sad Am I
You never Know
I never Show
You Smile WIth A Shine
I Smile with Wine
Your Enthralling Eyes
Defines My Style
Missing you is my life
Yes I live, but I strife
Finding you beneath the stars
Misng You my life chars.
Sometimes I sit all alone,and remember all the promises we made together,than I see them fade away in the wind,kind like the petals of a flower, were feelings over come my fear,than I remember you had me on a spell,you deserve a round of applause,you had me fool, you always was embarrass of me,according to you I was the clown,were all the tears you gave me,were behind the jokes i made,and the smile I kept from fallen down,you deserve a round of applause,what's your next trick?,try to break my heart,or better yet,lie to me, make me fall back to your arms, what's the matter cat got your tongue,that's not suppost to happen to you, your like the best when it comes to magic, you once told me I was your light,trust me not the light of the dance floor,more like that old abandon light bulb in your closet door, you deserve a round of applause,you had me fool,I could swarn,that trick was real,you gave me so much to think about,and tears to deal, what's your next trick? Run away with someone else and forget about me? Do me a favor and erase my mind,and blind my eyes with more lies, you can't miss ,it works every time, for your last final trick, steal the show with your screams and hits,this time I'll know,I'm not to blame,you can hand cuff me,and rip my heart once again,don't you worry is just a stage,sometimes I sit here all alone as I turn the page,the rip pages of our love story,I finally came to the end,did you know she didn't love him cuz he wasn't cool,oh wow! you deserve a round of applause you had me fool.
I do not know?
1 Billion Rising.
For Men Everywhere.
Stop! Listen! Think! Act!
Stop the abuse!
Listen to the voices!
Think of how you treat,
Act now to change yourself!
Stop! Listen! Think! Act!
stops when you stop,
Stop! Listen! Think! Act!
is perpetrated by,
Stop! Listen! Think! Act!
stops when us men stop,
Stop! Listen! Think! Act!
Jump up and down like a jackrabbit
running through meadows
running from what?
Could it be heartbreak,
a venemous snake that hides in the grass,
hiding with fangs ready to pierce the tender skin
upon the tight, bronze flesh of everyday life?
Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye now!
I need a vacation a long way away from the faceless smiles
and ignorance of young girls, who don't look at you,
who don't show you love and respect.
Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye now,
as jumping spiders hop everywhere, crawling eight legs around me
my soul black like carcoal, but my heart still beating
slower this time, not like the days before
and like the jackrabbit running from anything and everything,
I run to seek love and vanish away from the empty voids
that people call, their souls.
Recording a film with no tape,
talking to a woman you love, but not having the guts to tell her how you really feel
Jump my boy, like a jackrabbit, take my advice
tell her before she leaves
turns down the endless avenues of endless dark love
the trees grow taller, taller than you
and you sit there feeling away yourself die, missing out in life.
I cannot see you lose your love.
Say it, say it, Say it!!! Tell her! Tell her! Build the guts up!
Build up the courage, tell her how you feel. Take her by the hand and never say goodbye! Never say goodnight, stay with her till the flight comes in the morning
of the first rays of sun shine through your dorm room take her and love her!
Do not be like me, the jackrabbit! I see no happiness
Reading poetry it makes me sad,
to write of others falling in love and I never finding the one.
People tell me, you'll find yours, have hope
but I am a frightened little jackrabbit
who flees from sounds of deep emotions, not having courage to fall in love,
not building the guts up to tell her how I really feel.
She walks alone, I find my oppertunity and sing my love song
She smiles and moves on,
please tell me I cannot fight anymore.
All I have to say is Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye
I need a vacation
to go to some sandy beach on an island of love
and write and write and write, the same poetry that depresses me
but makes you all fall in love with words!
Fiction about love stories, please kiss me
Blue eyed death comes, plays a game of chess with me
I bet twenty, he bets my soul
Kiss me death, the only love I'll ever get,
besides my poet friends who kiss my ass
Listen to my heart, truely, I don't write of beauty
I write for the sorrow soul, the fleeing jackrabbit
running away from love.....
Why you seem sad?
How is for this moon to sadden?
Why pearls pour down from your eyes?
As the raindrops
What is the secret?
What is the matter?
What is the avail of sadness?
And we are hanging in ropes of the sin
And between rope and gallows
An orphan friendship
And between me and you
A new world
Between my eyelash and tears
Between city and city
Thousand souls immigrating
And between heart and heart
Farness and yearning
And between eye and eye
Hidden Language and dialogues
But between soul and body
One life.............One life.....
even to this day,i can still hear your voice,
your beautiful sweet voice,racing threw this place,
even to this days i remember who you are,
it kills me inside,knowing your gone so far,
i repeat our conversations and that only makes me cry,
some times it makes me laugh,you were always so silly,
even to this day i keep the heart you gave me,it still new full of feeling,
it still contains the date we created this love,
you left so much in my life,foot steps with a memorie behind it,
And here i am,still beating my self up,i close my eyes and
.make sure i dont breath,
i really need a friend,oh thats right you never have time,not
even for me,
even to this day, i carry more than what i ever gave,
that is acully wrong,i gave more than what this words
will ever make you strong,
i remember i promise you the moon the sky the stars,
well here i am holding the moon like a ring,
pulling the sky like ballons,
and having the stars together like flowers,
even to this day i remember who you are,
and like the promis i made,
ill creat a world with just you and me,just us,
even to this day i cry myself to sleep,
than i tell myself im all alone,
loenlyness became my best friend,
even to this day,i wish i could go back,
and say something to does silent phone calls we had,
even to this day,this end makes me sad.
it makes me fear,not just pain but also tears.
Two people have broken their friendship ties because of either a disagreement or he or she has found out that his/her boyfriend/girlfriend had an affair with his or her best friend of one too many years. This type of betrayal has taken its toll on all people since day one. It seems that this friendship wasn't enough for him or her, especially when this guy chose this girl over her best friend and this girl has chosen this guy over his best friend. Why these people aren't best of friends anymore is because for one, his girlfriend or her boyfriend cheated on him or her with his or her best friend and for two, they've gotten themselves in a lot of compromised situations. It breaks the hearts of every human being just thinking about it. He or she, of all people, should know that they've been the best of friends since kindergarten and/or elementary school. So now that these people are no longer friends, thereby being "ex-best friends," I guess he or she has no choice but to move on with their lives. These people have broken ties from each other, eventually trying to rebuild them. But even if he or she has betrayed his or her best friend, one should be seriously forgiven for all the misdeeds he or she's done: trying to take his or her girlfriend or boyfriend, leaving him or her hanging, everything. These two people are best friends and they're all they've got. But the sad thing about two people being ex-best friends is that not only are they not talking to each other anymore, they've humiliated each other publicly and personally. So, if that's the way these two people want it and they want to cut off communication with each other, well, then two ex-best friends (guys and girls) have no choice but to wish them the best of luck and hoping that they'd forgive each other in the near future.
I do not know?
my love blossoms amidst the thunder
across the oceans and the beyond the seas
my love reaches out and touches
the moments of bliss as the loneliness flees
my love is simple
with profound feelings of yearning desire
my love rages within
the furnace of this aching heart's unquenchable fire
my love basks in the warmth of the knowledge
that in the spring it takes root and it will flower
my love breathes in the light fragrance
of her hair after her warm and delicate shower
my love remembers drowning in her eyes
of those ethereal moments frozen forever more
my love recalls the fleeting ticking of the clock
each minute apart stabbing at my very core
my love she knows I need her so
for she needs me just as much
my love she sprinkles light flourishes of her sensual touch
as my love for her continues to ceaselessly grow
my love reaches down into the crevasses of my of being
my love for her is held onto deep inside
for in the coming of the cold ache of seperation
my love settles between the folds of her heart, for 'tis there that my love for will reside
my love like an eternal dream caresses me in wakefulness and in sleep
and that is the feeling that I shall cherish
a feeling of love that has settled in me
a feeling so pure and a feeling so very deep...
Why my heart ponder?
I, your offender..
What I gave?
Dark love in a cave...
I promised you a thousand lands
Didn't give enough sands...
Changing me and my love,
Hiding behind the black scarf..
Hiding me I couldn't speak,
Feared losing in a streak.
This was my only reason
But turned my passing season..
Now I rattle,
As a foolish cattle
Leaving your land and cheese,
Yet to find me some peace...
you whispered sweet doubts into my ears
but i was so blind to acknowledge the fears
ill never regret how i felt for you
but you seem so far gone, i don't know what to do
i only did what i thought was right
but i guess i lost all fear and extinguished the light
Bay, i wish i never left
but its to late to take it back
Bay, i wish i had some sort of sign
to know your OK
i have this horrible habit of making a mess of things
you might think it funny
but i jump when the phone rings
i hope you dont blame me for what happened
but then again it must have been my fault
i guess all those times i apologized were in advance
for the heartbreak that i probably brought down upon you
bay, im sorry, im sorry, im sorry if you ever read this
you'll finally understand the way i still feel about you
nobody ever said it was easy
but nobody ever said i would fall this hard
i miss you
please bay, im sorry
I am what you call a hopeless
But im also a lost lovers cause, my
heart belongs to another
Yet in my head a love triangle starts
to form, the girl I love doesn’t love
She holds the heart to another and
mine caged to the floor,
She isn’t afraid to fight for what she
wants, not even when it comes to
leaving another man torn
Trust me she’s happy, as that boy
holds her heart ever so close
Seeing what I shouldn’t I smile as I
wear my blind fold,
Blind to everything around, lifeless
staring into air
My train of thought running so fast,
the second I stop you’ll hear a crash
Derailing my hope, for ever finding a
love so pure & rare
Wishing I could hold the hand of the
lover who stole my flame,
Wish I could change the last days in
which we parted ways,
Realizing now that we can never be
Finally saying it out loud as tears run
down my face
You stole my happiness, as I walked
away that day
But it’s because as of what you said
I guessed I changed,
Now every relationship has just be
No one can seem to bring back that
Because a love likes ours comes
once in a lifetime
Well at least it does to me,
But I mean you’re happy with who
I mean I only wrote this as I heard
exchanging “I love you” flow from
each of your lips.
An imported imperfection of his delayed conclusion of opinions leaves me restless.
I know I may not be the prettiest, I know my body may not be the fittest.
However, my heart remains the same, his love pumps blood into my veins.
As I start losing mental ability to my brain bleeding heavy quantities, my heart start hemorrhaging.
Blood vessels begin tearing up from my emotions, my eyes swelling.
His words burn like melting plastic, nonmetallic his compassion is synthetic, as lovers turn platonic.
It is hard to comprehend his love presence, when there are no immediate surroundings of his love emotions.
His actions are making me feel less of a woman, and very unwanted.
His presentation makes me hesitant, from the way his love is presented.
He is evil and ever so gentle, but he says he loves me.
He does not understand what his action does to my inner emotions.
Wretched in sadness marked by misery, embedded in love poverty he does not care how this affects me.
This is his way he shows his love for me.
Marinating in promises I get his love like an allowance.
He says that one day I will be his wife, so I stay in hopes of his change.
Again, he tells me he trying so who am I to complain.
A mistress of his love I became, I will not be ashamed for his love I pertain.
His love I can relate to, his pain I persecute and oppress as he overall abuse.
Pharmaceutical kind of love overdosing as a drug, I am his side effect I learned to suppress hold my emotions back. Like if, his words caress.
As I stroke his ego, I become humble. My pain is a ritual I know the procedure.
Mistress of his love I remain even longer, and I linger.
I do not know?
You and I.
Your heart blazed,
with a warmth of spirit,
soaked in truth.
Your smile burned,
branding me permanently,
enveloping my being.
Your love was complete,
from the depths of your soul,
bathed in silent knowing.
Your dreams were poetic,
fluttering in the afternoon breeze,
infused with the distilled essence of rhyme.
I squandered your generosity of spirit.
I vainly discarded your priceless poems.
Now I stand,
rotting inside, day by day.
I do not know?
Count to ten.
It's not the end.
For the best.
I never needed you
I was just afraid.
I let the fear of being alone,
Hold me down.
be still my heart just hush
ill get rid of this big bad crush
if only you knew how much i care
the kind of love i have for you is rare
you dont even know my hearts on fire
and that your the one that i desire
i dream of kissing your lips
but when i wake away you slip
be still my heart just hush
ill get rid of thei big bad crush
i wish i could tell you how i feel
then your touch i wouldnt have to steal
you would be mine
with our hearts and body intertwined
i wouldnt have to dream
and i could be with you always
i wouldnt have to scheme
this secret is hard to keep
into my heart its etched deep
I'm not good for you.
Broken and unworthy.
You keep me around and I cannot figure out why.
You are so amazing, so lively, and so different than I.
I want to be loved by you.
I want to hold you.
But I see you there so happy and so care free...
It will just hurt you to know the person hidden within.
The real me.
Not the smiles you see when we speak.
Not the laughter we share...
A lonely child, with fear in her eyes.
Scared of the world she was born into and scared of the future she might have if she loses you.
Do you still want me, knowing the little I have said so far?
I close my eyes wishing you were here...
But we all know that is a wish that will never come true...
And it is okay...
It is nothing new.
To me at least it is something I feel each day.
Wanting what is not in reach...
Wanting for you to be with me.
It is hard to miss
A person you never knew
Which is all she was.
Dramatic Verse (Verse Drama)
I did not find myself to be so important
So I ask my friends do I seem distant?
When I ask the question I had received an answer, Yes
So I think that made it clear that I had been not the best
I am a friend of a friend that talks so many things
That friend talks to much it is insane and insanity it brings
I do care, about my friends they are all good people
They tend to stand on their high steeple
Today I find myself not so aware
Disbanding my fear of regret and care
Walking many different paths I see that I have found holes
It is the path that people choose to use to fuel their rage with coals
Coals are partially burnt wood or fossils a piece of fuel
It is the source of burden and fire a rage of emotions that stands cruel
It can be warm and caring, but it also can be baring
I just start to feel so low, below the ground I keep on staring
I reach for my friends so many times I feel so ignorant at times
Just once I feel I should not rely on them when feeling I can not find
I dig my hole deeper and I can not climb out
For some reason I am just full of doubt
I care about so many things and what I have is confusion
One person should be all I should think about to get out of that illusion
My battle in my heart and mind is not at all so pleasant
I feel so alone in an island that is shaped like a crescent
My emotions is like coinciding with a diameter of the semicircle
Not a full emotion that is complete like a circle
My feelings is circular full of incomplete thoughts, so much deeper
I feel it will wake up my evil half a evil soul that is a sleeper
What question should I ask myself? to believe that I am not so alone
As I feel like a person who is deteriorating to the bone
I ask my friends the same question once again
I figure I should do it, to know what kind of feelings I should end
So many thoughts that come out of my feeling
I feel like my friends take, an emotional trauma of stealing
They ask me questions and I answer theirs
But when I need mine answered I feel burning inside like a flare
Are they even friends when they do not take me serious in anyway
Just put me in my hole cause I feel nothing in their will be getting in my way
It's just so simple to answer someones problem
I answer friends with beauty of a rose, but when they answer mine I get the stem
I know the stem is very important in life, with out it how can a rose be a rose
With a hole to put the root and stem in how can it grow
The words we speak I guess is like all natural things we reap and sow
A girl of my choice is way too hard to find. Every time I see an attractive girl, I keep finding out that she already has a boyfriend or is happily married to her husband and has children with the guy. It breaks my heart just thinking about it. It seems that I'm trying way too hard. Maybe I'm looking too hard for this special someone. It also seems that I'm not good enough for any of the girls of my choice, let alone one girl who's about my age. Now that all of the good, attractive ones have been taken by random guys, I'm reduced to nothing. I should've met those girls by choice sooner rather than later. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, and no matter how many times I have to reach out to those girls from my past or whatever, I couldn't give her some St. Valentine's Day presents, let alone red roses, I couldn't ask her out on a date, I'm barely dealing with the fact that these girls each have boyfriends or happily married, and I've been rejected one too many times. I should be in a serious relationship with a girl of my choice and trust, I shouldn't spend Saturday nights in total boredom. But the fact that one of the girls I was interested in is with a guy who's way more attractive than I am makes me very sick. And no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, it's just not enough for any of them. And since I have no girlfriend of my choice, even one of them outside my race, I'm forced to spend the rest of my life in solitude alone; thereby remaining in a real, depressive state. And every time I see a loving couple, it makes me depressed and they shove it right in my face. It's like someone had taken a butcher knife, plunged in in my chest, and yanked my heart out, killing me in an instant. I can't bear to handle this type of rejection. Well, I might as well die a virgin because there's just no point of me dealing with the fact that these girls are either happily married or already in multiple serious relationships with their current boyfriends. Being lonely and depressed and not having a female companion of my choice to talk to on a Saturday night is sad, and it's definitely pathetic. How legitimately disappointing. If I don't find me a girlfriend of my choice and I don't get married on time before my 25th or 30th birthday, I'm going to die a virgin. When will all of the rejection and the torment end? When will I stop being lonely and depressed? When will I ever learn?
I do not know?
Those Distant African Nights...
The shadows swayed in your candlelit room,
a cool breeze teasing your bare back,
streaks of lightning forked in the Johannesburg night,
as my hands stroked your hair,
kissing your soft mouth,
ever so tight.
You whispered that you loved me,
and I kept silent,
the rain fell,
the breeze teased your naked back,
you whispered that you loved me,
as my lips found yours,
the rain washed over our tender nights,
lightning and candlelight,
etching poems on your burnished skin,
a fear gnawed at me,
We parted ways,
and you could never forgive me, you said,
now, after numberless thunderstorms,
the rain that falls,
echo the countless tears that I have shed.
You are long gone,
happy, I pray,
yet the memories persist,
those precious moments shall never,
like the Jo'burg rains,
and I wish you well,
for loving me as you did,
for it was I who was not worthy,
and it is I who is not worthy,
You were always true,
it was I who always,
to give myself,
completely to you.
What is there too say now?
What is there to do this evening?
Nothing for I am without you,
I remember you, when my eyes first looked upon your brow and beautious eyes,
Your luxurious features and a heart of gold and platnium,
I am lost in a garden of cluelessness, and lost and forgotten.
My heart aches and shivers in the lone days of the mid December evenings,
You are gone and lost without a single trace,
But soon I had lost you for good and could never find you again,
I buried you in the gardens of the dead,
and the tears from my broken heart showered your grave.
Oh now I wish you were here,
To listen to my heart,
For it is out of tune and the orchestra is playing a slow melody,
and the chimes ring me to the dinner table,
To eat alone the lonely supper for the mourning of my woman.
So I eat alone tonight,
The house is quiet and empty,
The butlers and maids have gone home,
Nothing but lone, empty halls,
Once filled with love and music,
keep me company.
The slow music plays in my study,
I sit in my red chair,
I cry and cry again,
I read a book of poetry and think of you,
Not a life worth living without you.
I do not know?
worn down, weary,
staggering into tomorrow,
dissolving my todays, grim, dreary,
I crawl, slipping out of my skin,
flinging laughter, joy, contentment,
into the gaping abyss of life's dustbin.
It's a funny thing we have in this relationship we call love ,
I know this one thing for sure and that it was not from above.
Struggle as we may day after day week after week,
Doesn't seem to matter we can never reach what we seek.
In my heart I know what I have felt for most my life,
Forever it seems I have wanted you to be my loving wife.
But there's always been this small wedge between you and I,
You just were unable to stop yourself from telling me lies.
Oh there were days that were so good and felt so right ,
It always changed before we had ever reached the night .
A very sad thing to see hop[es and dreams fade away,
Nothing left but to remember those wonderful days .
Still I believe in relationships that are filled with love,
The ones that are truly made by the hands from above.
So much will be lost and will never be recovered ,
But there will be so much more gained with a new lover.
A far cry from what I had dreamed my life would be,
Yet I will continue on in search of a love meant just for me.
The coldest white had fell
Surrounding all the feet of those behind
The day turned into hours
Just in the mind
Did the gift appear in night?
Or were dreams reality?
Did it come from karma’s hands?
It drifts from sanity
The trek towards that happy place
You’ve been there many times
Something was different now
It held a horrible surprise
The box wasn’t full of life and sound
The ashes of memories made were here
Taking longer to twist the knife
Left remains of a child now in tears
Standing still you couldn’t breath
Excuses flying in your mind
Trying to figure out the scene
Hoping there’s time
You look up to see
Expectant eyes for the last time
You wish you could keep
But it’s the saddest of a smile
When being told you're “perfect”
but that it's not enough
what can you even do
in pursuits of love?
The seemingly endless process of
meeting and greeting
sharing, laughing, loving, caring
even becoming attached to family, pets
all so that it may come to an abrupt
ofttimes one-sided end-
it wears me down
I'm far too young to feel as drained
I'm far too young to feel as pained
I'm far too young to feel as enslaved and betrayed
by this process of courtship as I do
Those older and wiser counsel:
Patience, waiting is never easy
The right one will come along
You're a good person with a good heart
and you've got a lot to offer
It's their loss
I already know all of that,
but it doesn't mean I accept it
It doesn't mean a part of me
cannot fear that the one I held dear
should have been mine to keep,
mine to fight for, mine to live for,
mine to die for
But what can I do?
What can I do?
I do not know?
Flowing through the rivulets of my everyday thoughts,
memories of you surface, gasping for air, breathing in,
permeating, absorbed by the pores of my ageing skin.
Famished, greedily gulping mouthfuls of fractured life,
awash in distant yesteryear, when your feathery kisses,
banished the vacuum, dispelling my anguish and strife.
You are eternally carved, and embroidered into my soul,
I wash ashore, smashing against the boulders of the now,
seeking solace, begging for absolution with my empty bowl.
The book of fate is sealed shut, the tea-leaves have been read,
nothing remains within me, the burden of smiling has been shed.
Now I am stranded, between dreams and the empty years ahead,
searching for forgiveness, in the miles I have yet to wearily tread.
Dramatic Verse (Verse Drama)
There was a wonderful change in my life today,
A sense of something good comming my way.
It's been a long time comming and it's feeling right ,
I know this because I was able to sleep last nihgt.
Loving you has always been so easy for me ,
Holding on to you was very different you see.
Finally the clouds and stormy skies have cleared,
We can see it clearly now that it is so near.
For years we have struggled with this love we shared,
Only recently have the two of us become so aware.
Of what we truly feel for each other these days,
Leaving no doubts it was meant to be this way.
I love her more now then I ever have before ,
To think I was about to walk out that door.
She loves me I can feel her much closer now ,
The happiness I feel makes me scream aloud.
Telling everyone I have a wonderful thing,
The love of my Queen who has made me her King.
We will live our lives making all the memories ,
This love I have for you and you have for me.
I do not know?
I hate the birth mark under my right eye
I hate my extremely static hair
I hate my big bottom lip
I hate my spotty nose
I hate that I have really *****y times
I hate that people only remember me for my really *****y times
I hate that the real *****es hate me
I hate being cautious so they don’t ***** about me
I hate that I cry over everything
I hate that people know I cry over everything
I hate that I hide from them anyway
I hate that they actually don’t care
I hate the fact that my brother is leaving home next year
I hate the fact that I cried when he told me that
I hate the fact that I hid my tears from him
I hate the fact that he’s all I really have left
I hate my father for making me feel like he doesn’t care about me
I hate my mother for making me feel like she picked him over me
I hate that my brother had to look after me when they couldn’t be bothered
I hate that, in my eyes, they don’t deserve to be called mum and dad
I hate that when I was younger I had to run away from my father
I hate that my mother and brother left me by myself that day
I hate that they left me closer to my father
I hate that they went somewhere I would have felt safer
I hate that I feel like my friends are slowly fading away from me
I hate that I feel like I’m a third wheel
I hate that I feel like my friend’s don’t trust me
I hate that I feel like I can’t trust my friends
I hate the feeling of loneliness
I hate that I read books to escape to a world better than mine
I hate that I write to create a better life than my own
I hate that people want to invade that one heaven I invented
I hate that people ask me why I made Katy Clover Taylor
I hate that I had to make a role model for myself
I hate that she is the person I desperately want to be
I hate that she is the one thing I will never live up to
I hate that I feel like my grades would grasp my families attention
I hate that feeling of disappointment when I get a bad grade
I hate feeling like I have to live up to an expectation to hold their attention
I hate that I am relied on because of my grades
I hate that I am an older mind trapped in a younger body
I hate that I am limited in what I can do because of my age
I hate not being trusted upon
I hate people treating me as a kid
I hate not telling people how I feel
I hate hiding behind an invisible barrier
I hate not being able to share how I feel with people
I hate being scared that they won’t care.
I hate people judging me
I hate judging people
I hate that feeling of giving up
I hate the feeling of losing when I didn’t give up
I hate the choices I have made
I hate that nobody thinks I can live up to my dream
I hate people thinking they are so much better than me
I hate the fact that they are right
I hate that I will never make a good girlfriend
I hate the fact I know nobody would fall for me
I hate knowing that no one would help me pick up my life
I hate that it has fallen apart
I hate hurting the people I love
I hate them not loving me anymore
I hate knowing that what I would do would hurt people
I hate the fact I do it anyway
I hate knowing that I do all of this
I hate knowing I hate all of this
I hate trying to change it
I hate that I am not able to change it
I hate that I try not to give up hope
I hate knowing all hope is lost
I hate that I still try and cling to it anyway
I hate knowing I failed at that too
But most of all
I hate not being able to express this until now
I hate that this still won’t change a thing
I hate thinking that it still might
I hate knowing that no one cares
1 through the door
2 through your heart
3 through your head
4 colors in my eyes
Red, red, red
Shrieks of red, red, red
1 bed of white
3 men at my side
Tears of red, red, red
1 room of rock
2 rings around my wrist
3 eyes in my head
4 days before forever
Stains of red, red, red
3 on one
4 on the other
Crying out red, red, red
2 stabs of pain in my side
The judge says red, red, red
Mine was red, red, red
You abide in the light
I’ll miss you…when you venture off at night
Don’t forget me…
Don’t discard me…
Don’t leave me…
Forgive me for drifting away from you…
Please forgive me…
Please don’t ignore me…
Hear my pleas…don’t turn the other direction…
Run with me…into heaven’s light
I’ve given you my soul…
I’ve shared with you my melody
I’ve fed you until you were full…
I’ve healed you when you were under the weather…
I’ve tried to bring us back together
You hang on the rope of hope
I’ll rely on you…I’ll cling to you…
You saved me from subsiding into the obscure abyss
Don’t reject me…
Don’t depart from me…
Don’t release me…
Respect me for who I’ve become
Please respect me…
Honor my presence
Protect me from any sort of harm
Is it in your nature to relieve my anguish?
I’ve been driven away by my affliction
I’ve set you free from Egypt…and lead you to the Promise Land
Have you forgotten my affection?
I’ve tried to empathize what you’re going through – I’ve gave you a helping hand
Don’t you understand? Will you ever understand?
You abide in the light
I’ll miss you…when you depart from my heart
Don’t forget me…
Don’t discard me…
Don’t mourn for me…
Forgive me for wishing for your absence…
Please forgive me…
Please don’t give up on me…
Hear my side of the story… don’t turn the other direction…
I’m still training for perfection
Run with me…until we arrive at home
Hold my hand and we’ll take divine flight
I’ve cherished you for so long
I’ve lead you to my home town –
Do you remember where you and I belong?
I’ve given you my trust…
I’ve shared with you my dreams
You’re an apple to my eye
You were my angel of grace, promising concord –
Bestowing blessings upon me
Your vitality never wears off…
You were my lamp –
Glowing with serenity and elation
Tranquilizing my mind from despair and unease
I’ll never regret…meeting you that magnificent night
I knew that that was love at first sight
The moment you stepped foot into the light
It rolled off my tongue like a tumbleweed,
and you stood there dazed.
A disease waiting for the injection.
Not because I hated you,
but because there was nothing
left to do but watch the reality of
the world sink into your bones.
You finally understood why the
stones you throw fall into the lake.
Not because of gravity,
but because they're old souls
too tired of keeping their heads above water.
Just like us.
We were drowning each other.
Maybe love is too dense,
maybe mankind too shallow?
Or maybe we're just a bunch of filthy
animals that should have never came up
with such a fairy tale like love in the first place.
But we did,
and here we are in the midst of a chapter
barely breathing between sighs
that lie to us both.
Bodies that yearn for one another
knowing that we admittedly barely adjust
each day to the other's mental inclinations.
Heavy with lust our souls twist,
bend, and almost break under the
feeling that made them come alive.
It has become an infection!
"I don't know how I'm going to survive you."
-James Kelley 2013, All rights reserved.
Every day, my life has been filled with regret. I should've found true love somewhere in
America when I had that first chance. I regret being diagnosed with autism, mild MR
(mental retardation), and OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) at the age of three. I also
regret not having a real-life girlfriend from another state, especially the State of
California. It seemed that I had an unfair advantage or whatever. Of course, I had a
somewhat good childhood, but it was almost as messed up as someone else's. The only reason
why my life is filled with plenty of regret is because I was supposed to have a perfect
life. I was also supposed to get everything right, that would've included my childhood.
Now, instead of being rich beyond my dreams and being a college graduate, I'm stuck with a
boring life. And even though I have no girlfriend or no job as of right now, the ones from
my past, it's them that I really feel sorry for. And those girls from my middle school
years and my high school years, it's them that I feel so sorry for, too. It makes me sick,
just thinking about a lot of regrets. But what I really regret most of all is that I
should've done something a long time ago, but there's nothing I can do about my past; it's
already done. Right now, I wish that my life wasn't filled with regret and that I knew
what my life would be like if I was born perfect and that I were to walk in someone
the droplets of memories
both unwanted and loved,
they carry our strengths,
with glimpses of what we think we cannot do,
in a vision,
never tangible like the
bars we use to box ourselves,
we do so to keep the
They obscure his watchful eyes,
so that what he doesn't see
are the clocks with no numbers,
and instead truth at twelve,
false at six.
In joy he sees the smiling plays
upon a persons face,
yet he doesnt identify
with the actors
as playing the role
assigned to them,
but instead the characters,
masterfully designed by the
thoughts and plans of harm
they wish to do;
to cause him to shut down.
To take the world around him
and squander his life;
he takes it
and those of the loved ones
The clock points at six.
In sorrow he forgets his love;
forgets the beauty that
he has been given to
change loved ones fortunes,
hes like a child at play,
whose love radiates,
filling the cold floor
andsteel bars of a
playground left for time
with the orange hue of
But his obscured eyes
look on the loss of love
and pity for the misfortune
given to him.
And with the bars he ruins more love,
creating the cycle of depression once more,
in another seemingly beautiful heart.
The clock points at twelve.
She comes into his life,
with the knowledge of love
given to her because
she accepted Him.
and she gives to him what
no one cared to give;
a love so unconditional,
so that his moments
in which he forgot himself,
and turn to scar those he loved
never changed her ways.
She was like an owl,
with her own watchful eyes
she watched upon another,
as to create balance upon his life.
And she had her own memory filled tears,
he never hesitated to return the love
he gave her.
And so the cycle of the clock ceased to exist
in the lives of two
And time was never again a problem,
since the slept on
Admitting that I don’t
Still care even though it’s not fair
to be without everything
that made me
exactly what it was to feel
what it was to be real
and now I don’t care anymore
Like the hands on a clock change
Arms roll loose and free
Never knowing what to grab
Or to even believe in me
To catch a fall from a distance
Even though it’s right next to me
You still can’t believe
I’d be there for every instance
Rollin like eyes on a face
too bad the smile’s fake
never seeing through to the truth
but the words can’t lie
when it makes the features
turn, to a painful time
Cause the thought remains
Of how it’s never the same How I changed my ways
In these turbulent days
I can’t face now what’s in store
Cause there’s always gonna be that much more
Waiting, and hiding,
Behind every curve
Like the moonlight
Sitting on the edge of your nerves
Shattering hopes and dreams
And revealing what’s not anymore
When the light shines green
its just to deceive
Even though it’s against
Everything you’ve seen
Inside the heart
Filled with stains from yesterday’s rain
Leaving what’s left in the distance
And never feeling what’s real anymore
Try to look past the stage, of the rage
Knowing full well that
In this world we dig our own graves
Take me, I can not fight myself
Stretching, a life’s worth is just too much
Saddening, to run from my old self
Causing, a stigma in my eyes
You hear a chime
Lost in age,
A match to a time
When everything was safe
Take everything with a grain of salt cause
In the end it’s no one’s fault
On a memory fading in the wind
No matter what it’s still a sin
Just roll with the punches kid
It’ll all turn round in the end
I once knew a boy-
He only knew happiness
We are strangers now
I do not know?
remains just out of focus,
an elusive portrait,
etched in the corner of the mind's eye.
sometimes strays into view,
a blurred mirage,
of burnished words cast in indelible dye.
steals fragments of each day,
a welcome thief,
of emotions left in some dusty space.
scatters my poems in the breeze,
an invited spell,
that vanishes into the wind without a trace.
renders me mute and so often blind,
the wild dreamer,
a seeder of impossible thoughts in the mind.
brings the elements of nature to me,
a gentle healer,
she unfolds my thoughts setting them free.
comes and goes as she chooses,
an untamed spirit,
soothing the very place that she bruises.
rouses me in nights of empty slumber,
a murmured breath,
brushing my cheeks with kisses too many to number.
remains to me the enigmatic one,
a burning riddle,
yet she stays with me as each torturous day is done.
my heart knows not why she stays,
my consistent constant,
filling up my nights and consoling my days.
deserves so much more from fate,
the truest soul,
she loves too much and knows not how to hate.
arrives again tonight as I lie awake,
a thoughtful shield,
my coat of armour in a world far too fake.
stays with me and within me stays still,
the true one,
and to dwell deep in my soul is where she always will.
from whose cup I have so greedily drank,
a giver of life,
I have not the words with which to her wholly thank.
knows how desolate a world this can be,
my sustainer of hope,
and of life and of breath is what she will always be.
Rain filled clouds are what follow me now ,
No sunshine for me these days and smiles are not aloud.
My sight is blurry now and can't listen to what you say,
It was you who has caused this and why I am feeling this way.
Hold on tightly now It has been the ride of my life ,
But somehow it slipped away like a thief in the night .
How did I not see it so plainly writen on the wall,
Never in a million years did I expect to lose it all.
But here I am standing with my back turned away,
For I can not face the sadness you brought me this day.
Why has this happened to me and just what will I do,
Shell of a man in a life that was suppose to be spent with you.
It's over now and it's all becuase of you
I just cant see theres anything you can do .
Blinded by the love for you never a reason to doubt,
So quickly I learned howI will be going without.
The warmth of a love you brought to me ,
Now I will live without what was meant to be .
You were always a a part of the world I've grown to know,
Now that your gone the sadnees in my face will forever show.
These cloudy days bring me nothing but pain,
My life forever will be only me standing in the rain.
When I lay in bed
I feel you on my skin
Like a whisper
I jump and swat at you
Because you could be a spider
But it’s not a spider
It’s the remnants of your touch
I can’t see you
But when I lay in bed
I feel you tickling my skin
I sit here tonight alone and so ashamed,
A guilty concious and only me to blame .
This regret I am feeling is so very real,
I am toremented by the way I made her feel.
How my heart cries out with anger and discuss,
Thinking of the damage I have done to her trust.
Her heart broken and there's tears in her eyes,
How sad I am that I had made her cry.
It's like being alone in the pouring rain,
Even that doesm't describe the pain.
Why I would ever do such a thing it's so odd,
Never again will this happen I pray to God .
My thoughtless acts has hurt you so,
The words I wrote have cut deep I know.
You can't think I would do this with intent,
All the I love you's I have alays meant.
Please my Darling Angel can you forgive me tonight ,
I promise my love I will make it all right .
My Baby I love you with all of my heart,
From now to forever I have from the start.
Yes I am alone this night with only me to blame ,
For the pain I've caused and why I'm so ashamed .
It's a tragedy
That you and me
Can never be
What used to be
I so badly envy
To live happily
Without you next to me
I can't believe
You abandoned me
I guess It's a mystery
I wish you were here now, honestly
holding you closely next to me
Then just maybe you could see
How much you truly mean to me
It's now clear to me
That you would rather be
With someone other than me
So now Ill let you go completely
Forever in the past behind me
I wish things ended differently
But I guess I don't get that luxury
Now it's time to end the sorrow
And look forward to tomorrow
How am I supposed to do that thou?
When I already gave up long ago
I guess I'll just have to try
To live life without you close by
To go out and meet new people
But I'm sure it'll just end up a sequel
Another broken heart with ripped stitches
All because Of heartless bitches
I don't know why I even try
When I know love is just a lie
You see love gives off the best high
But the withdraws make you fucking cry
Well I'll just have to wait and see
What my future has in store for me
But one thing I know forsure is true
I will never again be with you.
If only I could kiss u as many times as I shed a tear last night.
I wish i were older. I wish people would realize we are just two lonely kids trying to find a way in this world. I hope when the time comes for us to meet again we don't regret a thing. We will work out perfect we won't have to make anyone happy but ourselves. But for now, goodbye. I hope your life is as fun and amazing as you have made my life these past few months. I hope your successful, and I hope you find someone who loves you as much as I do. I hope you are happy in everything you do. Anyone who is yours is really lucky. Just know that when you need me to keep our promise, to find and fall back in love with each other, I'm where I always said I would be, waiting on that call, and on that day my life will be complete.
Slowly getting tired and frustrated with the situation that's at hand,
but yet I'm trying to get a good grip on it and not let it go,
cause when it goes its going to fall and once it falls its going to explode,
the feeling that I'm getting gets stronger by day and weakens me by night,
I try to remind my self this is how it was since the beginning,
I'm not suppose to neither am I allowed to let it affect me like this,
slowly ill start pushing away.
I been hurting,
that empty feeling is coming back slowly the hole that was once patched up is simply
as much as I try to maintain it shut the pain knocks at it making it crack.
And it's not a feeling of loneliness because this feeling has just been growing
waiting to escalate just building one on top of the other forming into this giant tOwer not well
I'm not losing interest just focus on what's in front of me and what I have
needing something to pull me back saying look I'm here,
words are slowly just turning into words
I can feel like I'm hurting not in pain,
just hurting that discomfort in my chest is annoying
to the point where throwing up seems like the best option
as I hurt I know I'm hurting you to
trust me its not my intension to.
I love you
forgive me or forgive me not but I blame you
you have me so rapped around your finger you don't even notice how much I love you or
when I need you the most your never really there your presences maybe but your mind is far
I'm sorry I put you threw this the headaches and heartaches cause trust me i feel them too,
but you chose me and I chose you and we chose each other
knowing that we
us aren't actually perfect
we each have our problems you have yours and I have mine
once your problems becomes me and my problem becomes you
the world we have builded starts to drifted apart
you on one side me on the other
yet we still hold hands trying not to let go
hoping and praying for the best to make it come back together again
I know there's a purpose to why our paths were put in the same direction to each other
I'm still trying to figure it out
I love you I always have I just need to get reuse to being use to the beginning and how it all
started and what it use to be,
But yes things are changing
I'm still trying to hold of grip of the change
But at the end of the day,
It will forever be me and you,
Its time to face the truth croons the singer on the radio and I die
Curling up in to a ball pulling my hair out and screaming
Because I know this to be true
I will be there again when it snows and snows
I will be there again if you call
I will be there again if you whisper out my name
In the eyes of my memories you're beautiful
In the breaths I stole with my camera you're beautiful
Across these lips that will never touch yours again you're beautiful
I thought I heard you call out my name tonight
But I knew you weren't home
In the cold under the city lights beneath the blanket of night
What if it was you I think now as I linger
But you weren't home
I wish I had turned around
To see you standing there in the gently falling snow
But I thought you weren't home
I have lost sleep tonight and I may never sleep again I fear
Because I don't know what to do
I don't know where to turn, where to go
So that I may, I might,
Dream of your smile and your eyes across my soul
You're so beautiful,
I let slip this pen from my fingers
Staining these last few lines I know it to be true
And I don't really care about that now
I will never be with you I know, I know...
And this is the truth I must learn to face
the thought of not having you is not how i wanted it to be,
the thought of not having you is a great loss for me.
the thought of not having you for our lives hasn't begun,
the thought of not having you for we will not be as one.
the thought of not having you will be sadness and loneliness,
the thought of not having you for there will be no happiness.
I do not know?
Savage lies, mercilessly spoken,
battering emotions, a heart exposed, nakedly open,
companionship was all that was sought,
not blue-chip bonds, hastily sold and bought.
The bonds I sought were simple,
peaceful nights, scribbling verse in unseen black,
delicately caressing words of love, my fingers tracing poems, over the contours of your soft back.
It saddens me to say, my thoughts were dreamed in vain,
and it grieves me see, the ashes of our love,
floating down the streets we walked,
scattered in the rivulets of this night’s pouring rain.
Alone I scribble this paltry verse,
the darkest of nights, in the midst of howling storms,
and though I may heal some day,
the memory of the ashes of our love,
floating down the streets we once walked,
shall remain buried deep,
until my dying day
Two in love.
Together they are bound
But with each possessing a curse
Broken hearts to be are found
One never able to shed a tear
Even in the face of Death, whom she fears
The other only able to live off of drinking others tears
How can she survive?
She cannot stay strong for all the years she promised
But I give her my heart
And she holds it to her close
Knowing this will kill us
Maybe we will fare better as ghosts
Or maybe we are strong enough
To fight off Damnation
This love might be different
It does not have to crumble like our nation....
I do not know?
(This is a fictional poem)
My life is empty just like the gas tank in this van.
Over the years life has made me a bitter man.
My van won't go anywhere without gas and my life won't go anywhere either.
I caught my girlfriend in bed with another man so I decided to leave her.
Five years ago I was married and things looked pretty dim.
My exwife fell for another man and ran off with him.
My girlfriend and my exwife were both seduced by other men.
It tore my heart out and I'll never fall in love again.
Now I live in this van because I have nowhere else to go.
My girlfriend begged me to forgive her but I said no.
My life is going nowhere but at least there's noone to cheat on me.
I have to live in my van but at least I'm free.