A soul was broken to make room
For dusty halls and labyrinths.
A gossamer, nylon bed-sheet shroud
Enwraps the remnants of that mind.
And no excuses can be made;
This disease does not justify that one.
I do not sleep deeply, I do not wake easily,
I dream of cities built on sand,
Next to the swelling sea.
Oh, they should have lasted.
Why should they fall?
I dream of timber horses,
Brought between those city walls.
We should have known; we should have known better.
But, I am not an honest mystic;
Beware what you ask of me.
I will show truths within the liar's tapestry.
But, you will not believe; no, you cannot believe.
I howled for my motherland
When the mutiny began.
I heard the cry of treason; heard the cry and ran.
I saw blood be spilled,
Some of it my own, then
Felt the rest boil, that this could happen in my home.
I saw the battle through, until the very end,
Then wished the traitors pardoned,
Because they were my friends.
I cannot tell the difference
Between the sleeping and the dead,
So, I will dole out blankets, and keep the kettle on.
The streets are cracked and dirty,
And they all appear the same:
Shattered glass and roofing tacks
Where I place my bare and weary feet.
I don't want to go on.
But, I must rebuild; I must rebuild.
I have no grass to lay,
The trees and flowers will not grow,
So, I shall use nothing, but mortar, brick, and stone.
It's not the same; it is not the same,
But, I shall call it home.
. And Dream
. . And Dream
I'll dream until my soul awakes,
And it's time for youth to part
I'll dream until my passion breaks,
And this child's abandoned heart
I'll dream a lost and former friend,
The innocence I've held to tight
Before the colors blur, and blend,
I'll dream of who I was tonight
Before my tears drip down, and dry,
I'll dream with colors pure and gold
Before the innocence inside me dies,
And childhood is hardened cold
I'll dream as if absorbed in youth,
Illusion moonlight show'ring light
Blind to pain and awful truth,
I'll dream of who I was tonight.
She is the muse to her own sorrow;
She is the digger of her grave.
She is the painter of her ocean view
and every fatal wave.
She is the shadow of her Father;
She is the darkness in your sight.
She is the night without the stars
surrounding pale moonlight.
She is the music with no words;
She is sweet love without the reason.
She is your dreamer with submission
cold by warmth with every season.
She is your pet with cold intentions;
She is your baby scared and shaken.
She is the bold and pure- the lost and found,
She is a soul awakened.
The missing light,
That love comes again...
Are like a hard glide,
In a shining rainbow's light...
All dreams and fantasies,
Can be reality,
Is based on reality...
But all histories aren't the same...
Sometimes, we dive,
In our lives...
For what you see,
For what it is...,
'Cause time passes,
But, memories remain...
To your heart,
The body, does,
The mind, thinks,
And, the heart, feels...,
While, the soul, lives...
To remember the past,
To live the present,
And to wait and pursue the future...
Listen to your heart,
Before you are telling goodbye,
Might lead to demise...,
But, remember that destiny can be changed...
Life is unpredictable,
But space and time,
Could be controlled...
And even if some die,
We may survive...
Might have an endless beginning...
All that remains,
Is to be reborn...
To soar, take wing, take flight, glide ~
Be detached, apart from this life's reality
Where past sorrows shroud my remembering
To seal the heavy door to the past
And to flutter on the edge of dreams
To tremble, hover, grasping, peaceful and happy
In imagination, floating and drifting
Like a breathtaking butterfly with gossamer wings
But then, but then ~
The cold fingers of the past come creeping
Monsters, ogres, beasts of the long ago
Memories screaming, shrieking, shattering my soul
The beautiful lost in the carnage
Oh the tears, the weeping, the eternal floating sadness
The heavy door to the past is bolted, secure
Impenetrable with many padlocks and thick chains
Where anguish and bliss entwine in an endless battle
And happiness died long, long ago
But from time to time, whispering
A single memory finds a way
From under that weighty door locked, chained
And I crush the sweetness to my broken heart, weeping . . .
April 28, 2013
Obsessed with the thought of you
wondering if it's only me or
if you sometimes remember the sweet things you've said
and if you meant them how I took them
or if I'm just obsessed with what's in your head
Obsessed with your very sentences
Every response I take personal
I know it's selfishness
Have you not noticed my eyes?
They hold secrets that only you can unlock
if you'd just take time to fill the thick juices of my pride
It's just boiling with lust, passion, trust and distrust
and other things I obsess over so much
I find myself writing to free myself from this prison I've created
where only you and I reside
I become confused about what I'm really feeling inside and I
try to rid the thoughts that are highly debated as false and I
begin to cry and
think of casting love spells so that the universe can deliver this affair
I know it's unfair
but I don't care
I'm obsessed with what hasn't happened between us
I'm obsessed with your heart and that the fact that
I don't think you've even noticed my selfish innuendos
and secret undertones that blatantly express my lust
Or maybe you have and you calmly remain in resistance of distrust
If you could only read my mind by simply touching my fingertips,
I'm sure I'd catch you out the corner of my eye biting your bottom lip
I'm obsessed with the passion and thoughts I think you have
Obsessing over an experience that I may never have....
I do not know?
To a heart that can not yet forget
the moments he spent,
the beats that eventually stopped
at the same moment when
out of that door, people stepped!
To a heart that yet,
does not regret
the dream it lived
for a long time
and now, it woke up
and none of that is aside..
to a dream that turned to a nightmare
to a life that, by that time,
I thought it was not fair
But it repaired what it did,
or so it thought..
or so I don't believe..
But why can't I just forget?
Yet I don't want a turn,
but at least value what is there
what is now in turn..
What makes me hold on
for something that passed long time ago
what makes me forget
the smile that I have drawn now, on..
I don't know..
It must have been real,
I, so believed in dream..
I don't know..
But I thank GOD that this door
is now closed
and even the key,
Maybe.. It is just..
Afraid of another fall..
That is for sure
Nothing is guaranteed,
and nothing is totally secured..
But what in hand do we have to do
when days are just passing through..
What is the mystery behind you my heart,
what is there inside of you my soul,
what are you thinking of, my mind
what else do you want
after being alive...
I don't know..
Afraid of tomorrow?
And who cares,
as long as we all unite..
Afraid of a fall down,
As long as we will stand up STRONG
just as ONE..
Just tell me what is wrong?
why are you so lost..
when the road is well lit around
and you know the way
so why are you lost..
I don't know..
As your mind collects the memories of yesterday
Epiphanies tie into knotty strings of realization
That very moment. . .
You merely exist
Back then. . .those smiles
Those. . .distant laughs
Some you remember by name
Gone now maybe
Like the exhalation of the wind
Others dispersed in the world of arbitrary happening
Like leaves from falling, man-made trees
There is no doubt that they have
Activate the bomb
Ignite the fuse
And you’re on next year’s history book
But drained of all remaining good
That smile you gave
The warm embrace so long ago
Salt-coated with piles of rubbish
Over last remaining mental spurts of comfort
Evil, evil, evil, evil, EVIL. . .
Always absorbed and remembered
. . .though never forgiven. . .
All good and gracious sentiments
Packed up in a box set nonchalantly in Downstair’s storage
. . .that chair with the broken leg in the corner of the room
That mangled cobweb holding a dangling, lifeless spider
A drowned sailor’s hat drifting through the current of the ocean
The single tear from a soldier’s vigilant, memory-stricken eye
The frustrating thoughts of a mute
The unchanged. . .HATED deformations
Forgotten you. . .
One soul brings to light weary, unthought-of happenings
Wedged deep into what she can only imagine
With not even a hint of understanding
. . .of the pain. . . .of the bewildering distortions
Of the ugly. . .
One soul merely vomits sickly verse after verse
As humanity embraces its downfall
The poet hangs onto her unjustifiable, forgotten. . .
And we are left here
Like maggots—dirty, parentless…devastated
Always feeding on the gruel…the cruel
Fattening our lives in the moneyless bilk
Shocking like a bee sting, yet soft as silk
We are the forgotten
I am watching the others grow rotten
But I am cleansed and raw with glee
Because…though blinded with slime…I SEE…
I rise to the sound of the agonizing screams
Of rapes, murders, of violent fists…weeping minds
My definition of true finds…
I smile when any possible hope arrives
Fate laughs, knowing I constantly scream inside
I am amused of it all…I can’t stop laughing
As bitter tears began to fall
I HATE ALL OF YOU…
I WANT TO KILL YOU ALL…
But I love that I can take anything
From the nothing we have all been labeled
The sick, the low…the mentally unstable
Watch me roll up in a ball
A naughty tease to death’s lull
I love your silence…
I love your intense fall
And we are more alive than any of you
We are crazed by your belligerence
Aching to be emotionless
SHARE YOUR INDIFFERENCE
Give us something to be left with
So the others can die
As Fate veers its head looking in the mirror
Listen to her laughter—do you hear her?
She watches and waits
To find her maggots have grown wings…
Screw your selfish indifference...we fall to fly
We are more alive than any of you
Though quickly we die
I do not know?
Laying here in my bed
Listening to your deep and shallow breath
Such a smooth and calm sound
I roll over and lay a hand on your chest
Too much movement it seems
For you rolled onto your side
As I steal my hand away
I close my eyes and try not to cry
I get out of bed and move to the couch
I lay there in silence, smoke in hand
I try and calm my pounding heart
Finally drifting off to dream land
I wake with a start
A gasp caught in my chest
I feel strong arms gently squeeze
And a warm hand on my breast
I stiffen with fear
Until you softly say my name
The tension slowly ebbing
Until calmness has the reigns
You kiss the back of my neck
In that slow and sensual way
Repeating my name in a whisper
A game you know how to play
You gently roll me over
And take my head in your hands
You kiss my forehead lightly
The beginning of a dance
You gaze at me deeply
And said “I love you so much I can’t stand it”
You begin kissing my eyes and lips
Stealing like a bandit
I take you in my arms
And feel my insides quake
You run your fingers through my hair
Giving it a little shake
You pull away from me slowly
And looked deeply in my eyes
I blush and turn away
I don’t want to see any lies
You lay down behind me
And hold me so very tight
And then you said those words
I dream of every night
“You are all I ever wanted,
You are all I’ll ever need,
I’ll do anything you want me to,
Just spend your life with me”
I don’t know why I did it
But I begin to cry
He pulls me even closer
“I love you, Trust me I don’t lie”
I can feel myself roll over
What happens next, who knows
For I awake with a start
The tears still soaking into my pillow
I finally get my bearing
Everything is as it seems
It turns out you do lie
But only in my dreams