When I go out to dinner,
I do not want to share.
I don’t care what is on your plate;
I don’t want to compare.
I scan the menu up and down
And then make my selection.
When it arrives, it’s meant for me
And not for your inspection.
“You want to taste my fish?” I’m asked.
Some people never learn;
For then the expectation is
To taste mine in return.
And so the answer’s always No!
Yet comments never cease.
“Your fries look really good!” They are,
So let me eat in peace!
Each morsel on my dish is mine
And I intend to finish.
Perhaps my attitude will make
Your thoughts of me diminish.
I’m sorry if that is the case –
Dessert I’ll split just fine;
But when the meal’s delivered –
You eat yours and I’ll eat mine!
Oh, nicker. Oh, nacker.
I broke my poor cracker
While putting it in my soup.
I just wanted a nibble,
But the soup had to quibble,
And thus all my plans turned to poop.
So now I'm here sittin'
A poor man quite smitten
With no other crackers to spare,
On soup that's unlawful,
So twisted and awful,
That it kills with no thought and no care.
Why can't it relate,
And learn not to hate,
My crunchy, crisp wafers of bread,
It would have much more fun
Not to mention for one,
My crackers won't all end up dead.
I suppose it’s too much
To ask soup for such
A commitment to love other food.
But till its attitude mends,
And it learns to make friends,
I believe that my crackers are screwed.
Sandy was a chocoholic,
The worst I've ever seen!
If she didn't eat some daily,
She'd become crazy mean!
It didn't matter what kind it was,
Ice cream, cake, pie or candy,
As long as it was chocolate,
Sandy was fine and dandy!
Then one day the unthinkable happened,
To the chocolate loving miss,
While eating her favorite candy,
She choked on a chocolate kiss!
"Death by chocolate," the coroner concluded,
As to the cause of Sandy's death.
At least she died doing what she loved,
Eating chocolate til her last breath.
11/21/11 for Natalie the Rogue Rhymer's
"Die a fun Death" contest
It was a time ov thirst, crepuscle zearchin,
the Count in dark, becharmed her every secret zeal;
vatever aappened to his favoroured virzzin?
Vatever aappened to his crimson meal?
My bite I'll hold to thine exquisite neck,
(In Transylvania I'm vaiting, auspicious maid) ,
vas told that virzzins vaporized from earth,
and so evil vampires will stay thirsty, I'm afraid.
My Castle, I assert, vill vait for thee,
It is embarrassing for Counts to dine on food,
meanvile red should be drunk like rare chablis,
vilt thou, fair maid, succumb to my persisting mood?
Hast thou ever heard of my night delights?
Thou vilt dine on rare meat vile listening to tunes from the abyss,
I'll beguile your thoughts under candle lights,
and then (enraptured nymph), thou shalt receive my kiss.
Thou shalt be my companion to dark doom,
Teetotal I became due to the lack of virzzins,
it is more evident ven your perfume,
enthralls my Dracula stimulated senses.
I'll bend on your rest, vile you'll be asleep,
vere bats from caves have fled around the room before,
like from a fresh rose your red I shall reap,
and in crepuscular twilight ve, shall soar.
© 01-26-2013, G. V., All Rights Reserved
I just blew a kiss on a cool summer breeze
Comming from Wisconsin, it's going to taste like cheese
It's for a dear friend who lives quite far away
So I'm hoping she will recieve it, within the next day
I also hope she doesn't mind the flavor of this kiss
But if she loves cheese like me, the taste will be bliss
Floating through the air past all the factories of cheese
The dreamy taste of this kiss, will be sure to please
Though I must warn her not to eat with that blissful kiss on her lips
For all food will taste delightful, which may add a little weight to her hips
The Bombay Grocery (Indian)- North Carolina
Shyam*, finds cat food at special rate near the door.
Goes to check out to manager of the grocery store
Doubting manager asks to bring cat if he has one
Shyam returns with his small cat to buy food anon.
Next day Shyam comes with a bag in his hand
And ask the manager to put his hand to the end
Manager puts his hand and shouts “Poo,Doodie pure”
Shyam says, “ yes, sir, I want the toilet paper sure”
Fourth Place winner IN
Contest: Grocery Grammer by Linda-Marie, the sweetheart
* Shyam is an Indian name. Shyam also means Black-cloud colour. It is one of the name of
Lord Krishna. It happens to be the name of one of my grandson living in Charlotte (NC)
"Edith! Edith! I didn't find a Twinkie in my lunch bucket today!
What happened, Dingbat? Why do you torture me this way?"
"But Archie, ain't you seen on TV they ain't makin' 'em anymore?
The company is foldin' up and they ain't stockin' 'em at the store!"
"I blame you fer this disaster, Meathead, you and yer pinko friends!
The greedy union reached too far killin' jobs on which people depends!
Yer democrat gov'mint stimulated my tax dollars fer ever' thing in sight!
Instead of blowin' money on green inergy, I'd like some to solve my plight!"
"But, Daddy" - poking his gut - "fast food like Twinkies isn't good for you!"
"Let me tell you somethin', little girl! That may be yer lib'ral point of view!
My life ain't never gonna be the same agin without Twinkies fer a snack!
Them things is as American as yer mother's punkin' pie and I want 'em back!"
"I fought for the flag, baseball, Coca Cola and Twinkies in Dubya Dubya Two!
I slogged through the mud in Italy and was shot in a very fragile area too!
Now, I feel that it was all in vain to pertect all them things I hold dear!
No Twinkies for my lunch? Stifle yerselfs! I'm goin' to Kelsey's fer a beer!"
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
ENOUGH FOR ALL
All the species of this world, whether mammal, fish or bird
Are provided with their food, whatever their taste
Each created for the other,
When the offspring leaves the mother
There is all the food that’s needed without waste.
The ants will feed the lizard, and in turn, it feeds the Hawk
The flies they feed the spiders, then the frogs.
The amphibian feeds the snake
Which the Kookaburras take
And in time, they all feed ants inside the logs.
The logs fall from mighty trees that house and feed the tiny bees
that fertilize the plants we use as foods.
With rain and sun the crops will flourish
And when harvested, they can nourish
All the peoples in the world, if we so choose
Foods for all the nations are here in God’s Creations,
Glorious is the spirit that’s big enough to care.
Food goes where it’s needed
If our sight is not impeded
Or we keep it for ourselves when there’s enough for all to share.
In this world of ours we’re brothers, sisters, fathers, mothers,
We’re all related by living on this earth.
Whatever we do tomorrow
Can bring happiness or sorrow
Today is when we work out what it’s worth.
“You two melons are crowding me in a bad way.”
“Are you kidding, Bermuda? You must be gay,
‘cause all the potato heads think we look fly!
Yeah, see them? They’re giving us melons the eye!”
“Well, you’re squeezing me in; I’m a delicate guy!”
“Good grief, Mr. Onion, you’re making us cry.
Oh, here comes a cucumber right in our space.
Bet you won’t be complaining with HIM in your face!”
For LInda's Contest: "Grocery Grammar"
To a place with no money
I'm takin' a hike
Where you work for your food
And you build what you like
No permit is needed
For the castle we'd build
No laws must be heeded
For the deer that we'd kill
A town marketplace
Where citizens share
And the stock market crashes
Cause nobody cares
And the smell of fresh food
Is rich in the air
Cause the barber must eat
For cutting our hair
And the hunters are tired
From catching the game
And the culligan man
Is catching the rain
And the doctors and lawyers
They never complain
They sold their Mercedes
But they're happy they came
The police are not crooked
Just fat as can be
Cause there's nothing to do
When everything's free
Not a single hard worker
Is wanting to leave
There's just one blasted problem
It's only a dream