A fleeting still small voice tries to warn me
A sudden overwhelming desire to run
The tell tale taste of metallic flakes
Means my nightmare has begun
Everything around takes on a ghostly pallor
A landscape of anguish and corrosion
A moment of silence before the violence
The flash of light, the brilliant explosion
The sound of the Sun fills my ears
Fear, my throat, though none escapes me
And paralyzed I clench my eyes
As my tormentor prepares to rape me
And it's endeavor is absolute
Consumption is its ultimate goal
It exists to chase me so it can erase me
Whilst feasting on my soul
And then that familiar salty smell
The sudden rush of warmth so stings
Engaging me relentlessly
In vile unspeakable things
Over and over and over again
My limbs stretched and wrought
As it's teeth tear my bones bare
It's mind defiles my thoughts
And still wounds beget wounds beget wounds
As in the mouth of madness I suffer
And with every injury he just seems to be
Rougher and rougher and rougher
Then just as suddenly as it began it ceases
And for a moment I am clearer
And then the true horror of it all
Is revealed in a darkly lit mirror
There in front of me stands my destroyer
Face flush with it's fill of my pain
And I find that it's eyes and mine
My God, they’re one in the same
Copyright © James Burns | Year Posted 2011
A plastic smile
He waves hello
To all his friends
He'll never know
Beneath his skin
There lives the sin
The hurt within
A silent wish
A crazy thought
How does one kill
A mind distraught?
An answer looms
As dead as leaves
It covers life
A matchstick lit
An open sore
A fire burns
Consumes the core
The pain is gone
When all that's left
Ash on the floor
Copyright © Yoni Dvorkis | Year Posted 2009
deceptively black and white, like night and day
touching everyone yet never truly felt
colorless emotions lucent like crystal water
as ice fades into warmth of day, destined to melt
but a specter, a phantasm, a ghost am I
no more than a visitor in your dreams
unseen, a diminutive reflection of you,
a broken mirror, a thousand silent screams
no one sees me, no one hears me, no one
alone, so very alone, you look through me
like mist in the morning I fade in the light
am I here or a figment that you can't see
just a breath that tickles the back of your neck
invisible, easily brushed away, a mite
LOOK AT ME! I am here! a rainbow that needs love too
I'm real, I'm not so deceptively black and white
Copyright © James Inman | Year Posted 2016
Walking through the darkness
of the madness in my mind
I stumble on the pieces
of the twisted thoughts I find
I think about the way I am
and what I'll never be
as I sort through the wreckage
of what once was known as me
Searching for the sunshine
I am drowning in the rain
submerged in black emotion
I'm infused with all it's pain
There is no way I can escape
this hell inside my head
and though I am still breathing
I've become the living dead
In my heart I'm grieving
for a life I'll never know
I'm begging for my freedom
as I feel my madness grow
I am praying for redemption
as I choke on bitter tears
but I cannot find forgiveness
as I'm swallowed by my fears
I wonder if they see it
when they look into my eyes
I'm torn apart and weakened
as in silence my heart cries
and all the feelings that I hold
are suffocating me
as they cut and claw my mind
until they're all I see
Time is rushing by me
I am tired, growing old
the winds of change are blowing
and their bite is harsh and cold
I keep fighting for my freedom
but my freedom I won't find
as long as I am living
in the madness of my mind
Living with my madness
is the only life I know
and so much time is wasted
as my useless teardrops flow
I don't need to see tomorrow
should it be just like today
while I'm living in my madness
I'm not living anyway
Note: This was written after a bout with my depression and all is well! To quote a dear,
beloved friend, I am “Making lemonade”! Love, Robin
Copyright © Robin L. Gass | Year Posted 2009
Another day comes
another one goes
and when it will end
no one really knows
time marches faster
with each passing day
as I'm watching life
just slipping away.
The hours tick by
as into the night
hurting and hopeless
devoid of my light
I'm seeking answers
to set my mind free
should I keep trying
or should I still be?
Where am I going
and what should I do
am I a failure
who's washed up and through?
The rest of the days
that I have left here
surely are numbered.
my heart sheds a tear.
So much time wasted
so many dreams killed
I feel my heart quake
another tear's spilled.
The morning draws near
no answers I find
searching these chambers
alone in my mind.
Do I have value
and what is my worth
am I just wasting
my time on this earth?
Answers evade me
as time ticks away
my heart is weeping
as I kneel to pray.
Dear God please tell me
please give me a sign
am I just crazy
by my own design?
Will I be able
to conquer my pain
or will I always
feel like I'm insane?
What is my meaning
where do I fit in
before my life's through
why did it begin?
I notice the sun
another day's over
Copyright © Robin L. Gass | Year Posted 2009
Of all the treasures one can own,
The greatest of these is love.
You're loved by me and many more
And by your God above.
Sometimes we must turn from ourselves
To fully understand
The loveliness surrounding us
As bounty from His hand.
Take heart my friend, you are needed
On this earth God has made.
Whether as sunflower in the sun
Or violet in the shade.
Each and everything has a place
In the greater scheme of things;
The mole burrowing under ground
Or eagle with his wings.
God loves you and is well aware.
He knows how deep your pain.
No matter how long the journey,
The road will turn again.
One day lasts twenty-four hours
And not one minute more.
Your ship is sailing with the tide
And soon you'll sight the shore.
The storms of sea will be behind
Despairs and fears all done.
Take heart my friend, we're here until
You new day has begun.
By: Joyce Johnson
Copyright © Joyce Johnson | Year Posted 2014
I find myself looking at the ground
For there is no rainbow in the sky
The pot of gold has turned to dust
No answer to the question "why ?"....
written after thinking about all the
recent discussion about depression.
Copyright © Barbara Gorelick | Year Posted 2014
Amidst the mists and coldest frosts,
With naked wrists and darkest souls,
She slams her fists against the bars,
And still she screams she sees the ghosts.
Through summer days and autumn nights,
Through season’s end and blinded sights,
They keep her down and clip her wings,
To mute the lovely song she sings.
In troubled times for modest lives,
To see the truth beyond the lies,
As time goes by and death comes 'round,
Her body’s cast upon the ground.
Through hearts of ice and hands of stone,
The devil’s wife’s possessed the throne.
But even though pain’s at it’s most,
She’ll still admit she’s seen the ghosts.
Copyright © Mandy Weaver | Year Posted 2011
I stand here and watch the changing of seasons,
a summer of winters, an autumn of springs,
I stand here in thought, not knowing the reasons,
to the meaning of life, how the caged bird still sings.
I stand here and watch as the years pass me by,
regrets of my past, what my life might have been,
I stand here and muse over one butterfly,
freed from the prison it had put itself in.
I stand here and watch as the dark turns to day,
the first glimpse of sunrise, a shimmer of light,
I stand here and wonder where clouds go to play
would they take me with them when day turns to night?
I stand here on guard while my inner self dreams,
of a world free of hurting, a life blank of stain,
I stand here and listen while my inner self screams,
with fear in his eyes and a soul filled with pain.
I stand here alone, memories by my side,
a flood of emotions, bittersweet in my mind,
I stand here unknown with the tears I have cried,
searching for answers in a world where I'm blind.
Copyright © Curt Mongold | Year Posted 2008
A wildflower stands erect
Soaking in rays of radiance
As the bees and townsfolk buzz
And the wind sways in a slow dance
Contentment is where she stands
Until she spots something missing
Among all the townsfolk talk
She was bound to start listening
Was in the clouds but now on land
Leans in to get a better view
A life involved with others
But she doesn't know what to do
Clueless but curious
Tries to start a conversation
In search of a smile
Doesn't find it in rejection
Caring but cautious
Hoping to look approachable
In search of a word
Doesn't happen when you're invisible
Confused and crushed
World doesn't make much sense
In search of a friend
Everything is better in ignorance
Laughter among all but her
She hides her eyes in sorrow
A life void of others
No hope for tomorrow
Disappointment is where she stands
Teased by something she can't have
Alone among a crowded crowd
Her heart wounded by lonesome's stab
A wildflower builds a wall
Unsure if she can be saved
Brick by brick is stacked
Her own prison's being paved
Copyright © Destiny Budd | Year Posted 2010
I don’t want to play any more,
it's time to put away my mask.
And though people still need to laugh,
I'm simply not up to the task.
My act is not very funny,
and will probably be my last.
For like the white face that I wear,
I’m just a relic of the past.
I find it hard to paint a smile,
on top of a permanent frown.
And yet in costume I'm expected
to quickly flip frowns upside-down.
It has been a long time coming,
but I need to rethink my dream.
And try my hand at something else,
less emotionally extreme.
When I look into a mirror,
I want to see more than a clown.
So if someone asks what I do,
it'll no longer bring me down.
Copyright © Emile Pinet | Year Posted 2016
With all my heart and fairly,
Did I offer sweet surprise-
A birthday present early,
An art drawn near sunrise
All night working perfection,
I had gotten the shading right
With the shadow and reflection-
A suave leopard napping tight
He vowed I’d forget him some day
Though little did he know,
A month before my dear’s birthday,
His gift was ready to go
As time went by and quickly,
Fine colors met dark shades
His affections died so swiftly
And he erased the luster away
For the suave leopard in me slept
As long as his heart did rage
My gift through tears had crept
On the perfection of the page
Happy Birthday to you dear,
My present waits to be sent
I will cease these useless tears
For my love is time well spent
Copyright © Laura Breidenthal | Year Posted 2015
An orange little ball,
Tattered and torn to bits,
No longer does it fly straight,
Its course lost, its path in fits,
An orange little ball,
Sad within its cracks and in its creases,
Faded bumps, its lost its grip,
It now falls to pieces,
Orange little ball,
Come to death smiling,
Never live just to die,
Happiness lives in and amidst the crying,
Orange little ball,
Wipe the tears away,
There is peace to be found,
In and amongst the fray.
Copyright © Joshua Brown | Year Posted 2013
Restless nights and guarded days,
past sins await penance paid.
Yet you vow to mend your ways,
acknowledging you’ve strayed.
Empty lies shadow your past,
cast by promises pending.
And good times go by so fast,
sad stories have no ending.
As moments morph into years,
pressures build and nerves get raw.
For stress summons doubts and fears,
when your youthful years withdraw.
Each day is left to God’s whim,
for friends drift when pledges break.
And passion and desire dim,
leaving nothing but heartache.
As time ticks, hope never fails,
yet you can’t deny your age.
And follow elusive trails,
trying to escape your cage.
Copyright © Emile Pinet | Year Posted 2016
If I had a bottle of pills
I’d dump them out inside my mouth
Take the last few swigs of vodka
And swallow all of them down
If I had a big sharp knife
I’d drag the cold steel across my skin
If I thought for a moment it might
Bring this feeling to an end
I’d stare down the barrel
If I had a gun
Find the trigger with my finger
Pull it and be done
If I had a car
I’d park inside the garage
Leave the motor running
Till the poison filled my lungs
If I had a rope
I’d make myself a noose
Dangle there in my own doorway
Till somebody cut me loose
If I had someone to love
I'd probably treat them bad
Since that's all that I've known
In relationships of the past
If I had a heart in my chest
I'd be able to forgive and forget
But there is nothing left
Of that beating mass of flesh
So I'll just continue
Sitting all alone and in the dark
A typical evening in with the cat
Doesn't seem that bad after all.
Copyright © Lisa Hicks | Year Posted 2011
My harshest critic is the mirror,
Revealing to me...I haven't moved on.
My life has no current of happiness,
Just a stagnant still pond.
I dwell in a lonely atmosphere,
Though surrounded by numerous friends.
I feel the happiness...I once had,
Has came to an untimely end.
A numbness in my emotions,
The haziness never gets clearer.
It's now what people say about me,
My harshest critic is the mirror.
Copyright © Raul Moreno | Year Posted 2009
Don't give me that look
It was just a cut
I am no crook
I feel better
To see my arm bleed
You yell, "Get Her"
But the cut is my feed
Why do you make me stop?
It doesn't hurt that bad
You are not some sort of cop
Cutting makes me glad
I don't feel anymore
But the sharp blade
I am no longer hurting in the core
All the feelings fade
I wear a jacket
To cover the scars
And I'll have to hack it
They are my permanent memoirs
So I'll just sit
And sharpen the knife
Don't throw a fit
This is my life
It's not like you know pain
I do, more then others
I live life in vain
And I won't get help from my mother
I don't want your help
Just leave me alone
So just hush your yelp
Don't give me that tone
This is my choice
Not yours to say
The cut is my voice
So just let me waste away...
This is for anyone, who has felt alone, you aren't, things can never be as bad as they seem, just keep
moving and never give up.
Copyright © Jen H. | Year Posted 2009
Once again to my chagrin
This nightmare perseveres
And through the glass it comes to pass
To feed upon my fears
And it seems to slay my dreams
And in their stead leave blind
Mine own two eyes to that one prize
My soul doth seek to find
Still I pray that night gives way
And cures this circumstance
That captive holds my weary soul
Within it's darkened trance
And perhaps lay loose the straps
That bind me to this cross
And free from 'round my neck now bound
This curs'ed albatross
Copyright © James Burns | Year Posted 2010
Lightning flashes and the rain falls
as the storm rages on tonight,
the family is so worried about you
and wanting to know you're alright.
Late, last Sunday afternoon
you tried to take your own life,
twice with the same medication
that was supposed to end your strife.
You were taken away and we don't
even know where you are right now,
but everyone is just hoping
that you can comeback somehow.
What ever happened to you,
that caring person you once were,
who could always make me laugh
oh, how I do remember her.
You took care of me when
I needed someone to be there,
so many good memories flash back
of the fun times we would share.
We are all still wondering why
you are suffering in depression,
and how could you ever hurt us
with such unexpected aggression.
You left your teenage son
alone in a state of panic and fear,
now we can only wish and wait
for some kind of real cure.
I wrote this after my aunt tried to commit suicide last Sunday, June 15th.
Thankfully, she was not successful. She has been struggling with depression
for about 10 years and this is the worst state that we've ever seen her in.
Our family and the doctors keep trying to help her, but nothing has worked yet.
So, we will have to wait and see where things go from here, as we still have no
word on her current condition.
We are not a religious family, but it might help if you could send out your
positive thoughts, and maybe keep us in your prayers during this difficult
and confusing time.
Copyright © Kelly Deschler | Year Posted 2014
Caught in the whirl of the wind
Fought with the wilds of the west
As I looked for the light that has dimmed
I reached out till my sight found my quest
Alas! Wretched am I who has sinned!
Thinking I’m better than best.
Humbling myself for your grace
Hoping this pain’s not in vain
With the tears of my shame on my face
I forsake all the fame I have gain’d
For the love and my savior’s embrace
Now, I will dance in the rain.
16 July 2015
Isaiah Zerbt's Quatrets
Copyright © KP Nunez | Year Posted 2015
Lord, I do not know what to do;
Please, lead me by Your side.
Decisions I'm facing are lost and through;
Please, lead me to do what's right.
Copyright © Kevin C. Martin | Year Posted 2013
Some tears are broken and they hurt like hell
Some are poison and viscous as well
Some are darts that tear you apart
But some a surgery that mend a broken heart
Copyright © Kevin C. Martin | Year Posted 2015
The Echo of a Soul
By Andrew Weeden
In the windswept hills of vibrant green,
Here I sit at your lonely grave.
The bright flower that made my heart beam,
Is the wilted flower I could not save.
From the beginning I did not know,
I was oblivious from the start;
Cancer’s blade cut away your happy glow
And would thrust to pierce my very heart.
Consumed in the darkness of raging anger,
Ten years I stand alone in the rain.
With death no longer a distant stranger;
My only companion in the storm of pain.
Now it seems no one remembers,
But you did not cease to be.
Your spirit still burns in glowing embers
And lives inside the fire in me.
The storm is passing; I finally see its end.
Happiness smiles again and shakes me to my core.
I realize every time I lift my pen
My Grandma speaks once more!
Reflections of your love
Weave tapestries in time.
As a singing mourning dove,
Your words whisper in my mind.
So though you had to go,
You remain in your begotten;
As an echo of a soul,
Gone but not forgotten.
Copyright © Andrew Weeden | Year Posted 2014
Such pain, such pain this poor heart's born,
with so little pleasures in return,
much gifts it has bestowed, unearned
now, here it lies; morose, forlorn
Alas, alas, what curse has brought this
wrath upon such an innocent soul,
its spirit broken by this tragic role
like Atlas or more so, Sisyphus
Fall down again from feet to knees
to plumb the dark and dreary depths,
the length and seemingly infinite breadth
of this warm, salty sea of self-pity
These murky waters, born from tears
these waves and tides that chop and churn,
these silent sobs leave one to yearn
for one small thing; a tender ear
Copyright © David Brown | Year Posted 2015
The days have passed as if within
a dream I have been living
now I wake into the sun
new life its rays are giving.
Yet I fear to touch reality
for it may slip away
and draw me back into this dream
that turns my world to gray.
Lost within this dream alone
pain feeds upon my mind
and with its shadows in my eyes
to color I am blind.
But once again the day dawns new
and draws me to its light
where I won't have to walk alone
and colors fill my sight.
So I'll hold fast to all I've gained
to end this weary dream
I'll venture into life again
and flow on with the stream.
during a hospitalization for depression
Copyright © Robin L. Gass | Year Posted 2009
Sailing these seas, right now the waves are rough.
The ship is hard to steer, and I fear we may sink.
My crew has hope, but they don’t see what I do.
The water’s looking troubled, just like the way I think.
Sailing these seas, the waves have settled down.
The ship is sailing smoothly, I believe we’ll be okay.
My worries are at the back of my head.
I’ll save them for another day.
Sailing these seas, I think we’ve struck something!
My crew is in a panic, and I was not prepared.
Captain, don’t you know you always have to be cautious?
Even the leader sometimes gets scared.
Arriving at the shore, the ship barely intact.
Most of my crew is gone, but a few knew how to live.
They saved me when I needed them.
I want to show thanks, but I have nothing left to give.
To me, this poem sort of symbolizes depression, while indirectly talking about it.
The first verse pretty much says
"I am in a bad place, and I have supporting friends/family, but they don't see what I'm going through the way I do."
Second: "Things are getting better and I've decided to stop worrying about bad things happening and try to be happy."
Third: "Whenever I start thinking about good things and have hope, something bad always happens and I should've been prepared for it."
Fourth: "I made it through it, but lost a lot of the people supporting me because they couldn't handle me while I was down, and whatever I went through weakened me so it's hard to show gratitude to the people who stayed."
Copyright © Megan Devon | Year Posted 2013
Vultures of doubt hover in my mind
Death beckons me
Live like a Stranger in my abode
Naught for me to live
Sparrows tweet around
On the soil beside me
Bend down, I sip water
Made muddy by rain
Came out of my walls
Tears flow down my eyes
Quench my parched throat
My hearts start beating
Feel light and tranquil
Sky is my home
Birds are my friends
Dogs line up to seek food
Push all away, I laugh aloud
My plate was empty a moment ago
Brimming with madness
My hands are full
Copyright © Suresh Iyer | Year Posted 2010
Awake in a nightmare dream,
reality can’t keep pace.
And like Munch’s painting "the scream,"
anxiety’s warped my face.
Foul odors mark my presence,
roaming the land of the blind.
For we beggars or peasants,
all smell like one of a kind.
Draped in yesteryear’s fashion,
I strut about ten feet tall.
And although thin and ashen,
I'm invisible to all.
Victim of hypocrisy,
I am treated more like trash.
And despite democracy,
my rights require I have cash.
I’m like a myth, mired in doubt,
kept out of mind, out of sight.
For a whisper cannot shout,
and a ghost evades the light.
Copyright © Emile Pinet | Year Posted 2016
I got a taste of freedom
it lasted a little while.
I got a glimpse of how it felt
to see the sun and smile.
It reminded me of who I was
someone I'd lost along the way,
felt good to step inside her head
oh I wish that I could stay.
But the sky is getting darker
black clouds again descend
and I go back to living numb
with a smile that's pretend.
With reluctance I must step
back to my cage once more
but now I feel the pain much greater
as I watch its closing door.
So while I tasted freedom
it is something bitter sweet
for now it's gone, the darkness
feels heavy with defeat.
April 1 2011
Copyright © Emma Mantle | Year Posted 2011
No curse words allowed
are you confused, lost, ignorant
you are no artist, you have shunned art
and its true purpose
what is art? but an expression
the low and vile are the most potent
Did you forget, Emerson The Poet
He would call you "selfish and sensual"
"an umpire of taste"
"proof of the shallowness of the doctrine of beauty"
in a world of suffering, of loss
Art isnt happy, and flowers in the park
you, in your confusion, hide in the dark
hide any truths of pain and suffering
and by doing so you have lost your soul
You are only half a person
art is an expression of life and its hidden
what is in a word? something to hide from?
something to fear? to censor? to fight?
are you that ashamed of language?
honesty? expressions of shame?
You are no poet, no artist
you are no immortal,
of course you are so cowardly and weak
you will hide from me, censor me,
avoid the truth, lie to the world
if you cant stomach a curse word
then you cant handle me
any immortal would crush you
and leave you wounded
truly contemplating your life
breaking you open, forcing you alive
then, maybe then, you will have an emotion,
worthy of expression into art.
but dont get mad at me, angry or hurt
You may just use a curse word
Copyright © Michael Harman | Year Posted 2009