You came into my life, why? I didn’t invite you, I never wanted you around, you
know this , but you will not leave, you don’t know how much I hate you, and yet I
don’t hate anyone or anything. When you hate, to me, it is the same as killing. If I
only knew how to kill you ……. It would have been done many times over. I awake
every morning and there you are, ready to make my life miserable, the one thing
you enjoy most in your life. Wherever I go, you follow bringing your misery into my
life. Why cant you just leave and leave me in peace? I fight with you every day, and
it hurts so much, so much it hurts to fight with anyone, even you. There is one
way and only one way to rid you of me. I think of this often, but then where would I
be? I would not be, because you are part of me, your name is bi-polar. Handed
down from my father and from his father, and from me to my son, but he refuses
to recognize you, so he fights you without help he could get. If he would only say I
know who you are. I hurt for him everyday, and then I pray.
Oh God please forgive me for what I have brought upon my son. Son, I love you,
and am so sorry for what you go through. Maybe someday we will talk again. Dad
SAVED CONVERTED INVERTED CRUCIFIED DEAD BUT NOT YET BURIED
Kiss the ewe she never cries she never sighs she stays happy all the times we
try. The eye was stopped by a patrolman in the middle of my walk to the church to
lay my layman down to rest a night a bite of something not so sweet in bag to
help me live. He said ADDRESS what is your ADDRESS like it's the most
important thing to have NO eye said NO eye do not have a TUCSON address just
one in Flagstaff. HOMELESS he said. NO eye said eye have the ADDRESS in
FLAGSTAFF the one on my ID card. NO he said you are just HOMELESS in
TUCSON. He noticed that eye cared nothing for any of that. WHY did yew not say
that to begin WITH he said to me and eye just tried to ignore a man who has the
world to shrug upon his Atlast Shoulders? PHONE he said ??? No phone what's
your cell phone???
EEYE do not have a PHONE NO CELL PHONE eye almost cried.
NO NUMBER NO PLACE IN THIS WORLD TO CALL MY HOME.
The Indian has no feather he is saved now he is in Heaven beside the MEE. Live
in life wrap the world outside live the life of love and learn to live and love. Eat a
LOT of CHARLAX eat a lot of poems eat a lot of Fabels now.
Without him beside me, my future seems so bleak, being naïve,
i was told he was not meant for me. Ignoring this world of cruelty
and its power tear our world apart. Now sitting i ponder why I being so naïve from the very start
My tomorrow will never come, for I will forever live in his yesterday. Turning my back on the one who loved me in every single way.
Not even time can heal a shattered heart, but I guess somewhere in his heart he loved me after all
Many times I’ve dreamt of him and unable to hide my tears,
As I reminisce that sad day I decide we go our separate ways,
I pinch myself, as in a dream, knowing it is not true,
How could I let go of such a man, no woman would ever do.
I remember the look in his eyes when he dropped by and found my note. Pain crippled on his face leaving such a heart in pain, as he read along “My heart is with you but I will forever be alone, never will you and I share a place of our own. Rejected by all to cross the color line thinking my love is blind".
If again such a love should come my way, I’d break free of those dark days I’d confess my true heart and reject the rest and break through this racial barrier and fallow my lovers path wherever he lead to ease this heart that beat to grieve.
written 17th Sept 2013
When it comes to love, I AM poisonous
don't let me curse another, leave me loveless
For the first time in my life, I felt your pain and cried for your heart
my heart finally hurts, knowing I passed this pain from the start
Please find help to set your heart free
trust me, it's not a life you recover from easily
Damaged goods I told you, unrepairable
but some how, you managed the impossible
Unlovable for my entire life
yet you had no problem, getting me to become your wife
Yes, it's been more than both of us should have ever had to bear
at this moment, every cell in my body is overwhelmed, so I really do care
Please don't enter my life's pain and despair
you don't deserve it, you are so patient and filled with such love
I'm sorry I let myself fall in love knowing it would poison you
soul mates forever and eternity, my love belongs only to you...
Cold, callus, crying, shivering,
and covered in sweat.
Wondering what has happened.
Not yet understanding this fate I’ve met.
What of a guy that stumbled around,
just trying his hardest to show he’d been found,
after all he had just been purchased
from the human pound.
That promise to you.
Man I broke it.
I told you Id stop,
and for a time I did,
but that stuff two blocks away,
my will power just wasn't work-n.
My wrist watch again broken.
Always from the look on my face,
you could tell Id been smoke-n.
You tried so hard,
but the mind wasn’t mine.
only a shell of what used to be,
all of me you were trying to find,
and I didn’t get this till my alone time.
I was pushing.
You were pulling.
Then it all pushed you away.
It was all down hill from here,
so naturally you couldn’t stay.
I sit here so sad
for the way you must of felt.
Let alone how you dealt.
Ill never understand how I could do this to you.
You're so prefect,
even your aura dances in ambient light.
You’re the best friend I could of had,
and that leaves me really mad,
that the rest of the world
may never know what we had.
The thing is I know now,
that you loving me.
This really was Much more,
than I loving you.
~Ha,Turned around this insecurity was always mine.~
I am what you call a hopeless
But im also a lost lovers cause, my
heart belongs to another
Yet in my head a love triangle starts
to form, the girl I love doesn’t love
She holds the heart to another and
mine caged to the floor,
She isn’t afraid to fight for what she
wants, not even when it comes to
leaving another man torn
Trust me she’s happy, as that boy
holds her heart ever so close
Seeing what I shouldn’t I smile as I
wear my blind fold,
Blind to everything around, lifeless
staring into air
My train of thought running so fast,
the second I stop you’ll hear a crash
Derailing my hope, for ever finding a
love so pure & rare
Wishing I could hold the hand of the
lover who stole my flame,
Wish I could change the last days in
which we parted ways,
Realizing now that we can never be
Finally saying it out loud as tears run
down my face
You stole my happiness, as I walked
away that day
But it’s because as of what you said
I guessed I changed,
Now every relationship has just be
No one can seem to bring back that
Because a love likes ours comes
once in a lifetime
Well at least it does to me,
But I mean you’re happy with who
I mean I only wrote this as I heard
exchanging “I love you” flow from
each of your lips.
IF I WERE GRANTED FORTUNE N' FAME...
THOSE WHO CONSIDER ME LIABILITY,WOULD ACKNOWLEDGE ME LOVED
TH' SPILLING OF MY BLOOD,MIGHT EVEN BRING A STITCH OF COMPASSION
I'D NEVER BE ALONE,'LESS I REQUESTED ME LET BE
COMPANY DOES NOT LOVE MISERY,SO NOW I'M KEPT AT A DISTANCE
ALL I EVER WANTED OUT OF LIFE,WAS TO RECIEVE AS MUCH CARE AS I GIVE
BUT MOOT IS TH' FACT,THEY WANT ME OUT OF MIND N' VIEW
LITTLE IT IS KNOWN,OF TH' AFFLICTIONS I MUST ENDURE...FOR THEM
IF I WROUGHT MIRACLES AT WILL,TH' MEEK WOULD 'DEED RULE
SINS OF TH' SHAMELESS,WOULD ALL BE MADE KNOWN
A SILVER'D SCREEN OF TH' SKIES,WOULD DISPLAY THEIR DESECRATIONS
VICTIMS OF THEIR TRESSPASSES,WOULD DECIDE OF THEIR FATES
FAR FROM BEING PERFECT,I TOO...WOULD BE ASHAMED
BUT FOR SCARLET OF PAST BREACHINGS,I WOULD BEG FOR TH' BLANCHING
NEVER THAN LESS...THEIR WILL WOULD BE DONE
FOR FUTILE IS FORGIVENESS,IF NOT TRULY...
...IT IS WON
Eye chased mye deer into the rough the golf was tough and leathery the ball
wound up in the gulf near the coarse leather coat the top coated layer of infinity.
When every internet address is placed into the category suited to it best and
every number has been named and everyone is best at what they do not just
where they are could it be hard to let them off to la la land to make them just to
understand the slot the slotted place therein. The lob lolly cained there was two
of them they rub and shudder expectantly in exctasy like twine boarding a fence
posting to the dead letter offices in all the land. The firmimentnation of the united
stations was attacked with hate the rabbit tripped over the log anon and said
quite frankly my dear eye don't give a darn who who is. They drugged the maiden
dragged her screaming from the bed the water stain will set in the rug don't ewe
understand it was to be this afternoon not later in the day not tomorrow anyway it
has to be soon after noon. The goon dropped a cup and he grumbled and he
gripped it in one hand and it slide like the banana peeling from the tree shaded
oasis banana vines green black men picking them forking bales of hey what was
that noise a student in the background just redialing all his porn so sure that all
those girls are doing time to make him worn. Egads the Chounds are about us
they have been released on Edgar come Allen forward POE. They foxed the
kittens and sometimes the medical officer gets some extra hush money to look
the other way is danger danger warning warning the alien is coming. When you
must explain anything a joke or silent laughter a penny for your thoughts the
hidden manna best sometimes to leave unsaid the thing so evident for iff she
has not gotten it a lenghty explainnation will not further it along the windsome
parapet the jester faking it has lost the thread the limits of the outer kind
surpassed in unbelief. Nothing is perfect in scrabble blast eye have noticed
sometimes there is only one tile left over but it still gives ewe the option of
scrambling the letters and it even tosses the tile up in a vain attempt to move the
thing in semblance of the shuffeling required by law in this game. Survival
dictates like a witch brewing portents in the ditch poor and sinful man disgraced
walking to the human race the chounds to chase.
They want to enjoy
As they drink beer too much]
They think the result will be glad
And they laugh about it
Suddenly she fails to walk
He also loses memory complete
Their prediction is wrong
They support on each walking going wrong way
They didn’t listen to their parent’s advice
At least someone told you’re going the wrong way
Now they can’t move again
They sit in confusion blaming each other
They sit until they are normal
They now reject what they did
Although they think it was fun
As they disobeyed parental advice
DOING WHAT THE JESUS SAID
Eye am risking the loss of some merits to at least prove to some of you that to do
the works of JESUS is the right and lawful thing to do the man was just like me
he seems to be a homeless and eye asked him to share my food he said no he
was taken care of a food card from the service. Eye wound up giving nothing but
a courtesy yet my blessing is unending the words that JESUS speaks are meant
to be the life we breathe and giving is so certainly the thing to do. Not bragging
unnecessarily just letting people knoe to do the works he says to do. Offer
someone food if they can take it it will help you if they refuse it you can eat it
seems to me there is nothing there to lose. Now the food eye have to eat is better
for the act of sharing even the man is not eating with me the food it's doubly
better in proportions. Show me the house that's built on stilts that's built on sand.
There is a temporary church that meets inside the main church building they
usually start the service at nine thirty today they went out on a run away there was
no church service even eye usually go just to knell down near the table and thank
Jesus for the offering there there is Coffee and some coffee cake and other
things as well but today eye am on mye own attempting more than one thing at a
time it seems beyond the eye trying to stay hooked into the wonder of this life for
it seems like GOD is just like Santa Clause to me when we have it in our heart to
do he sees it just the same.
Eye still carry my raincoat my umbrella even though it has not rained for many
weeks I'm ready. The place eye like to visit has been pulled out from under me
the preacher needs to visit his own prayer room just to see how dark his heart is
to become without his love. He warned me not to trespass and so far eye have
not been back but the wonder of it all is that the place still seems to stand a
monument to decadence a monument to disgrace. They knoe that eye am
homeless eye still walk the street without a place. The blankets in the dump
seem so nice when eye am cold. Foolishness or wisdom tell me preacher what
would you do when the sky was falling would you stick your turkey neck up to the
rain and then just drown or would you find a church with a poor doorway to get
dry. The path is narrow the climb is steep and harrow the preacher fast asleep.
Eye cry a homeless to the end of time.