YOU SLY DOG
I saw you standing there all alone.
I came over to see where you ready to move on.
You said you were just shooting the breeze.
I left without thinking that you probably were deceiving me.
You arrived home about ten.
You pull yours shoes off as you were kissing me.
Never did I expect that you had not been doing anything but what you said.
I told you to get you something to eat so that we could go to bed.
Morning came and nightfall and this behavior continued.
We would spend time together and talk.
Wednesdays were your night for personal space.
If I came across you, I found you always standing in the same place.
Today I found you out.
You are a sly dog and contrite.
You are a cheat.
I want you out of my life.
You sly dog.
You ain't lucky at all.
In my life I often feel I am alone; alone in my thoughts, alone in my musings, alone in my day-to-day movements and unsatisfying activities. I move like a ghost through hallways and down sidewalks, unnoticed and, at times, gratefully so.
I do not wish to be eternally alone. I long for togetherness. But despite this desire for a real connection, I find myself regularly retreating from that temperamental beast that is human interaction.
“Come on now, sweetheart. Don’t lower your head. Don’t look away. Look up! Smile at someone! No! Don’t go back into your bedroom. Don’t lock the door! Why are you doing this?” my brain will plea.
I can’t help myself. Aloneness is comfortable. In being alone, I don’t have to worry about anyone but myself. I don’t have to please anyone else. I can think anything I want, wear anything I want, listen to anything I want, and laugh at anything I want.
And still there remains that nagging desire to be loved and wanted and needed by somebody. I do not know the feeling of being truly desired. I do not know what it is like for someone to crave my company, my smile, my kiss, or my touch.
But I would like to…
I cannot make someone love me or like me or want me in some primal way. It may hurt, but I cannot make that handsome boy want to hold my hand or brush my hair back behind my ear. I can only struggle on. I can only work within myself. I can only try every God damn day to hold my head up, keep my eyes fixed ahead, a give the world the best smile I have. I and I alone can bring myself out of the safety of my bedroom and into the bright world that lies beyond that locked door.
I often find myself alone with nothing more than my thoughts and the ever-strong glow of a computer screen. But no longer will aloneness be the constant in my life. It is true that never having known the caress of a man’s hand on my thigh doesn't make me any less of a woman, but I fear that if I stay confined within myself much longer I will begin to become less of a human. A flower cannot grow if it retracts its leaves and petals every time it feels the warmth of the sun or the kiss of a gentle spring rain.
And I want to grow. I want to grow so tall and blossom so big and beautifully that every place on earth is touched by my shadow at some point in the day. And I will grow. I will push myself and share myself with the world, and finally
know the closeness and comfort of love and honest, unabashed companionship.
I am what you call a hopeless
But im also a lost lovers cause, my
heart belongs to another
Yet in my head a love triangle starts
to form, the girl I love doesn’t love
She holds the heart to another and
mine caged to the floor,
She isn’t afraid to fight for what she
wants, not even when it comes to
leaving another man torn
Trust me she’s happy, as that boy
holds her heart ever so close
Seeing what I shouldn’t I smile as I
wear my blind fold,
Blind to everything around, lifeless
staring into air
My train of thought running so fast,
the second I stop you’ll hear a crash
Derailing my hope, for ever finding a
love so pure & rare
Wishing I could hold the hand of the
lover who stole my flame,
Wish I could change the last days in
which we parted ways,
Realizing now that we can never be
Finally saying it out loud as tears run
down my face
You stole my happiness, as I walked
away that day
But it’s because as of what you said
I guessed I changed,
Now every relationship has just be
No one can seem to bring back that
Because a love likes ours comes
once in a lifetime
Well at least it does to me,
But I mean you’re happy with who
I mean I only wrote this as I heard
exchanging “I love you” flow from
each of your lips.
The wind was blowing when she left the city...
I believe it was twenty below...
Where she was going she already knew...
But... first she had things she had to do...
Get rid of the body that was clear....
There were no options, it had to disappear....
The heater was broken and blowing cold air...
She could feel the ice, building up in her hair..
She had cleaned up the blood as best she could...
As she had hit him hard with that log of wood...
All she had asked him, was to light a fire...
To take off the chill in the house....
Do it yourself if you are cold...he snapped
And while you’re at it get me a cold beer...from the fridge..
It was early morning when she finally arrived at the bridge..
This was his favourite fishing spot...
She pushed his body off the pier...along with his ice cold beer..
And suddenly began to shiver and sneeze.....
Oh well, she said...this too shall pass..
When I get to the Florida Keys..
PS..this is the first in a series..watch for part 2.."gator bait..the dream "
Hey you . . . yes beautiful you
Come close to me . . . Okay . . . please
Let me whisper in the sweetness of your ear
Closer so everyone can see
Got a well known secret: Haven’t the foggiest idea what I’m doing!
Heart’s wires suddenly spark and shout:
Heart’s tenderness is inside out!
Mind says: Better figure it out!
Something . . . somewhere else says:
Go ahead and love her . . . don’t spoil the surprise.
Her touch has rendered me weak.
I've lost the strength to speak
And to fight the feeling.
I lost control.
My nails swept her cheek
While she stayed there, kneeling.
Her smile started to hum
While my heart began to drum
To the beat of her swaying.
At last I'm whole.
We couldn't keep from
Each other, now we're laying
And watching the sun lose size
Hand in hand with closed eyes.
The sun remains yonder.
Our bodies' heat
Continues to rise
As we let our hands wander.
Necking in the flowers,
Minutes feel like hours
But time's still flying too fast.
We're both complete.
This night is ours.
And we'll make love like it's our last.
Traveled speed love’s light
Crossing thousand galaxies to say:
Love, yes love universal dream
And you, yes you its enchanted vision.
I feel the sky breathe
Mother Earth smile and say:
Love, yes love miraculous
And you, yes you beauty immaculate.
Now, I know you love me
Now, I hear my heart say:
Love, yes love precious gift
And you, yes you love’s eternal flame.
We have shared all we feel
Hearts open, tender say:
Love, yes love glorious light
And we, yes we hearts together one.
Tonight, joy our heart does swell
Tonight it surrounds our bed and says:
Love, yes love answered prayer
And we, yes we embrace impassioned.
When kiss a legal kiss?
Certainly, parties consent required.
When kiss romantic?
Heart recognizes mutual heart
Heart double checks mutual hearts
The heart to heart measured movement in time.
The birthed rhythm, you and I
Mystery melded movement, us, we.
Is it illegal to desire romantic kiss before its time?
Is there mercy for this unconscious desire?
This uncontrollable dream
Doubt it happens alone?
If illegal to desire romantic kiss before its time
Guilty I am!
Give up to your mercy.
Can I tell you a secret?
Hope we are partners in crime.
Computer to computer
Who you are
Who I am
Am I aiming true?
Should I aim at all?
Do messages of the heart safely travel the Ethernet?
Are trust and tenderness nestled in software?
Can we create our own digital love print?
Be more than just virtual reality?
I am vigilant
What I thought were words of love
Were little more than spam
I crashed and burned.
What I write . . . What I read
Love’s data saved within inbox of my heart.
I want to believe our love is true
Are you the one?
Can my safe mode can be deleted?
No longer messages encrypted?
Should I trust you with the password to my soul?
In your words
In your omissions
In your topics
In your compositions
Hear a heart on life’s joyous spiritual mission.
Openness earned exposing wounds to each other.
Compassion sculpted from embracing heart’s own travails.
Love drawn from the mainframe of heart's own capacity to love.
A chance to dance within love’s shared life algorithms?
By the way
Did I tell you:
Your image makes pixels vibrate and glow.
By Stanley Collymore
If words are the trumpets of the mind and the
eyes the telescope of the heart could it be
that silent thoughts, transmitted yet not
openly disclosed, are the engine to
provide the start of what we
hope to find?
Like an elegant goddess borne loftily
on the stalwart wings of chance
you swept in unexpectedly
but oh so majestically
in a unique, feminine
ballet de dance –
your welcomed presence creating a
charming and exciting situation
replete with its own magical
and tempting expectations.
© Stanley V. Collymore
20 June 2001.