I Shall Never Love Anyone Like You
My heart ache as I watch you fall for another.The pain hurt so much I felt sick.I didn't have the courage to tell you my feeling I din't have the courage to tell you what my hearts feels.But I can't refuse to watch you fall into he hand of another.May i blind myself may i break my own heart may i give relief to the feeling that I had when i could no longer hear your laugh no longer see your smile and no longer feel your touch.To me being alone and feeling nothing is worthless I shall miss what I have lost but this I have done to protect what little shard of my heart remains.You feel another never knowing my feeling for you.but it fine now for I shall never love another like I loved you.
Closer to the clouds
Soaring through the soft misty flocks of vapour
Touching the overstretched never ending horizons
Closer to the clouds
Reaching for the elusive galaxy scattered with stars
Outside my window, birds perched on window panes
Breathing the hopes of life
Burying their worries, letting them go
Soaring away the pains of yesterday
The distance reassures me of the longer road I have
Waiting working of what might come
Relieving the old alleys
Streets that left me hanging, roaming
Stranded with loneliness
Break from the fast pace of life
Dive into total surrender
Break from our shallow life filled with plans
The never ending ambitious dreams
Capturing each moment, not giving any a miss
The small sentiments
The simple notions
The innocent thoughts
And the crazy bedlams
Thrive, we will.
The rise and fall of a broken soul; the pressure was too much to bear
The letter S was too brave to wear. He was a symbol, a pure form of admiration. Yet his life was
not his own; full grown; denied the freedom of one’s true life journey
He could never fathom an opportunity of free will for he lived to will free others who hide in his
The darkest shadow brought an abundance of light to the needy. And greedy.
An unadorned model of self-less love dug him an early grave being a slave to aiding. Although
help was never offered to a man that had a sense of direction. Every step forward followed
echoing steps behind.
His feet became a carrier. The load was heavy
Regret was constant. Where was kryptonite when he needed it?
Through her eyes-
a vision she seeks;
Over and over-
Her thoughts repeat;
Analyzing a future,
That may already be bleak.
Fearing the peak- So very often, She does not sleep; Her restless eyes grow weak.
A women so fierce and strong-
Though now she weeps;
Not aware that I'm watching-
So out it seeps.
The pain that she harbors inside- Intensified, By what her thoughts had verified.
I watch her giving heart-
And observe her habit of self sacrifice;
And I know on her its hard,
And I see that she's immobilized-
As the loneliness rots her insides.
A certain depth that lives within her;
An undiscovered truth;
I watch, as she pleads adventure-
Escape from a painful youth.
written 17th Sept 2013
When it comes to love, I AM poisonous
don't let me curse another, leave me loveless
For the first time in my life, I felt your pain and cried for your heart
my heart finally hurts, knowing I passed this pain from the start
Please find help to set your heart free
trust me, it's not a life you recover from easily
Damaged goods I told you, unrepairable
but some how, you managed the impossible
Unlovable for my entire life
yet you had no problem, getting me to become your wife
Yes, it's been more than both of us should have ever had to bear
at this moment, every cell in my body is overwhelmed, so I really do care
Please don't enter my life's pain and despair
you don't deserve it, you are so patient and filled with such love
I'm sorry I let myself fall in love knowing it would poison you
soul mates forever and eternity, my love belongs only to you...
Wrapped in your arms
My soul awakened
From a long dark sleep
My heart is now alive
No more do I weep
My lover’s smile
So tender and true
A sweet ray of God’s sunshine
Lead me to you
Where once my heart
No more do I fear
Love is now all that I hear
So hold me close
My darling one
With you by my side
All fear is gone….
As all I’d ever termed wondrous bliss unexpectedly died -
As my fantasy of a reality with destruction did collide -
My hopes shattered around me like glass in countless pieces,
Fragments suspended in mocking beauty as time freezes…
The clock hand ticks forward and it all crashes to the floor
My knees hit rock-bottom when I could take no more
All I now see is blackness where once there was color
Gone appears the light from the sun and its fervor…
I begin to walk away from the pond of shattered dreams
But the glass is in my clothes and cutting through my heart, it seems
Perhaps I am too close, the smoke is clouding my full view-
Glance up at the tower, instinctively know what to do…
Run up the steps; one, two,three hundred endless stairs
And I barely catch my breath, or have time to fill lungs with air -
Before the ground beneath my feet crumbles into sand
Loud thunder above me rumbles as I fall back down on land…
And I hit rock-bottom again
Thinking this must be the end
For surely no human can go through this pain
And still see rainbows through the rain…
The whole world seems gray and black tonight
With not a speck of pure, identifiable white in sight
Nothing is untouched, gone is everything -
Then how do I glimpse in that crack a thin white string?
Among the dirt, surely this uncorrupted clean string is not real
But just to verify the hopeless doubts, I reach out a hand to feel
And to my electric surprise, it’s most tangible indeed
I yank it out attached to a note, uncrumple it and read:
“Verily, with every hardship comes ease” [Quran 94:6]
That white thread...
In my life I often feel I am alone; alone in my thoughts, alone in my musings, alone in my day-to-day movements and unsatisfying activities. I move like a ghost through hallways and down sidewalks, unnoticed and, at times, gratefully so.
I do not wish to be eternally alone. I long for togetherness. But despite this desire for a real connection, I find myself regularly retreating from that temperamental beast that is human interaction.
“Come on now, sweetheart. Don’t lower your head. Don’t look away. Look up! Smile at someone! No! Don’t go back into your bedroom. Don’t lock the door! Why are you doing this?” my brain will plea.
I can’t help myself. Aloneness is comfortable. In being alone, I don’t have to worry about anyone but myself. I don’t have to please anyone else. I can think anything I want, wear anything I want, listen to anything I want, and laugh at anything I want.
And still there remains that nagging desire to be loved and wanted and needed by somebody. I do not know the feeling of being truly desired. I do not know what it is like for someone to crave my company, my smile, my kiss, or my touch.
But I would like to…
I cannot make someone love me or like me or want me in some primal way. It may hurt, but I cannot make that handsome boy want to hold my hand or brush my hair back behind my ear. I can only struggle on. I can only work within myself. I can only try every God damn day to hold my head up, keep my eyes fixed ahead, a give the world the best smile I have. I and I alone can bring myself out of the safety of my bedroom and into the bright world that lies beyond that locked door.
I often find myself alone with nothing more than my thoughts and the ever-strong glow of a computer screen. But no longer will aloneness be the constant in my life. It is true that never having known the caress of a man’s hand on my thigh doesn't make me any less of a woman, but I fear that if I stay confined within myself much longer I will begin to become less of a human. A flower cannot grow if it retracts its leaves and petals every time it feels the warmth of the sun or the kiss of a gentle spring rain.
And I want to grow. I want to grow so tall and blossom so big and beautifully that every place on earth is touched by my shadow at some point in the day. And I will grow. I will push myself and share myself with the world, and finally
know the closeness and comfort of love and honest, unabashed companionship.
I lurk in the shadow of band with words worthy of the pianist's hands. My nature speaks, not rings in tones. Sadly my lady's words rain dour doubts building wall's of stone; let the music of voice reign! pleasure rain! Chip the stone pebble by pebble and remember your name, it has never changed though life's outcome shall by not embracing the day. Love me as I love you and we will be love true. Remember your mother's music, for it is the womb's tune that guides you through and through. Do those young eyes forget their right to stare without regret at revelation of a soul bared? My world harnesses lust, truth, love, desire, these attributes I long to share. Befuddled? Yes, I can be. It's nature not the choice of me. Even thoughts forgot wander wondering at how it can be, pride over perjury? Shame takes precedence sadly through time, preceding all I believed to be mine. Defeat? No... I don't think, though, I cannot deny slight retreat. Where are the lies built on emotion? Those protective cries that hold dominion over forward motion? As always, truth stands in solitude as the only word as brave as love. When truth possesses love and selflessness! Can it actually be as it appears after all the year's of the damned favoring me? In closing it seems I'm fending the fears that taught my years the wizardry of all that I have seen.
I am what you call a hopeless
But im also a lost lovers cause, my
heart belongs to another
Yet in my head a love triangle starts
to form, the girl I love doesn’t love
She holds the heart to another and
mine caged to the floor,
She isn’t afraid to fight for what she
wants, not even when it comes to
leaving another man torn
Trust me she’s happy, as that boy
holds her heart ever so close
Seeing what I shouldn’t I smile as I
wear my blind fold,
Blind to everything around, lifeless
staring into air
My train of thought running so fast,
the second I stop you’ll hear a crash
Derailing my hope, for ever finding a
love so pure & rare
Wishing I could hold the hand of the
lover who stole my flame,
Wish I could change the last days in
which we parted ways,
Realizing now that we can never be
Finally saying it out loud as tears run
down my face
You stole my happiness, as I walked
away that day
But it’s because as of what you said
I guessed I changed,
Now every relationship has just be
No one can seem to bring back that
Because a love likes ours comes
once in a lifetime
Well at least it does to me,
But I mean you’re happy with who
I mean I only wrote this as I heard
exchanging “I love you” flow from
each of your lips.