Inside scrapings of darkness
how restless and doomed,
the bellow crashing in like
an agonized moon;
the tunnel hears blood whooshing
in pits full of rain,
hurling damn imaginings
of her fetus’ pain,
wails rip through the stained window
and grinds near right lung,
heart reeks for a babe frozen
knowing breath is gone;
if I could pluck her memories
from uterine wall,
to touch sun’s glint christening
new eyes on dawn’s call.
*Sadly,research estimates that approximately 1 in 4
pregnancies end in miscarriage; and most women
experience a grief period during such occurrences.
For Susan's If These Walls Could Talk Contest
Where do I go ?
What should I do?
My feelings about you.
What do I give?
What do I take?
You seem to know
What I should do
But, you're not me
You are you...
of being alone.
I cannot wait
until you're not home.
You yell, you scream
You make mistakes.
But now it's different,
You seem to know
What I should do
But, you're not me
You are you...
You have no knowledge
that's what I'll gain.
times go bad.
I'll always remember,
I have no Dad.
You seem to know
What I should do
But, you're not me
You are you...
I once adorned you with style and grace
My God this truly is an atrocious place
My soul is worn and molded to you
This place is so surreal, yet it is true
Nothing but pain and fear now fills a face
That once polished me with style and grace
I now sit here upon this massive pile
How in the world can that Nazi smile?
As I sit here on this pile lonely and blue
I fear to think what has become of you
As I sit here upon this pile of deceit
I wish I could comfort your feet
Regardless of what these Nazi’s do
I’m so proud to have been your shoe
Tortured heart falls in pieces to the floor
of a broken home. Fear hides; the hollow
chest caves like walls in wake of terror. Doors
slam; screams lunge, strangled in silence. Swallow
the pill of deceit 'til numbness follows.
Black and blue fades to purple behind dark
glasses. Paisley wallpaper cloaks shame, marks
of frailty, an attempt at occlusion.
Her natal star gleams; she knows not her arc
of strength. If walls could expose seclusion...
If only she escaped, lifted the veil;
if only her walls could help and not jail.
If only the fear would die at first dawn;
if only the walls were friends to lean on.
written September 10, 2012 for If These Walls Could Talk contest
*dizain rhyme scheme ending in two couplets.
I am a free spirit in a cage
Locked away I can’t fly
I need the open space
I’ve been beaten and broken
Scars run deep bleeding
My spirit clipped
My heart unmended
Save me set me free
Let me fly let me soar
Unlock this cage of mine
Throw open the door wide
Take these chains from me
Let me fly let me soar
Day in and day out, white coated lab rats try chopping me into smaller and smaller pieces as if I was no more significant than a carrot or an onion. Enough, already.
But there’s more. Those irrational humans throw piles of money at
Elongated underground tunnels for the sole purpose
Of smashing me into nano-somethings.
I could think of better ways to spend a Sunday.
When those “geniuses” get bored with trying to split me,
They attach little circular imposters together with pins.
Why they revel in their intelligence by playing
With clown noses is beyond me.
To be born an atom is exhausting,
But I’ll outlast every one of
Those meddling humans.
Hush little one I see and hear your tears
If only I could comfort you and squelch your fears.
I feel your fists pounding against my walls
I'll be with you no matter what trouble befalls
Your foster mother will one day have to face her fate
Don't let her teach you the meaning of the word hate
You are a wonderful child and have done nothing wrong
You must not let her break your spirit, please stay strong
Ignore her vulgar words, let them wash over you
Don't take it to heart, it's definitely not true
The bruises she inflicts will one day cease
I feel your anguish, use me as your release.
Make your dents on me to ease some distress
Frustration and anger you should never suppress
I want you as strong and solid as my own foundation
Please don't succumb to her inflicted demoralization
One day you'll be grown and will have a heart of gold
But for now my walls will watch, listen and always enfold.
Sponsor ~ Black Eyed Susan
Contest Name ~ If These Walls Could Talk.
SO MUCH IN THE WORLD SUCH AS ANGER, HURT, CONFUSION AND MISTRUST.
SO MANY HATERS IT COULD OVERFLOW THE EARTH SHATTERING THE INNOCENT.
A COLD REALITY THAT REALLY BITES THE DUST.
SHAKING THE FRAGILE AND KILLING THE STRONG.
WHERE THE RIGHT ARE ACCUSED OF BEING WRONG.
PEACE IS BEING TESTED AND TRIALS ARE SET.
WHERE FIRE IS BLAZING AND A THUNDERSTORM IS BEING MET.
ROCKY ROADS ARE SLIDING AND BEING FLIPPED.
WHERE THE HARD-WORKING AND HONEST ARE BEING SKIPPED.
FILTHY AIR HAS NO CHOICE OF PERSON.
THEY SEEK THE WEAK AND TRY TO TEAR DOWN THE HUMBLE AND MEEK.
NO ONE CAN EVER EXPECT WHAT IS TO COME.
BUT A WAVE THAT CANNOT BE DEFINED.
FIGHTING IS THE ONLY WAY OUT.
TO SHOW THE FILTHY AIR WHAT LIFE IS TRULY ABOUT.
Remonstations of a Mask
My face fits over yours
As if it was made for you...
This is, after all,
What I was made to do...
I am a mask- or maybe
I am a shield, it seems
I am expected to be
Both things at once;
Either way, I suppose
You feel better hidden
Thus, I've become
Someone else's face,
Or my face becomes
Someone else's body-
Either way, you are
Taking my identity
And claiming it as your own;
I am the default scapegoat-
But no one pays attention
To the remonstrations of a mask
Claiming identity theft;
Of course, having an identity
Seems to require a soul,
And my eyes are empty holes;
They are only your windows,
So I guess I have no way
Of proving I had a Creator, too-
You are now standing before
The world, and tell them
You are... whoever you
Want to be...
I have become whoever you
Want me to be-
I never had the choice
To be anyone! And now-
They are all studying my face...
They are asking who I am-
But my Creator, while he
Gave me lips, never bestowed
The power of Voice-
So suddenly I am
Whoever you tell them I am...
Won't you tell them that I
Am not you? Couldn't I...
Be someone too?
Of course not...
I was only created so you
Could be anyone.
this poem is dedicated to Elvina Kuchukova
thy power over wood and water
lead me to springs untainted
thy music is a bath for the mind
thy art is a balm for the eyes
oh Elvina you elusive slyph,
where shall we meet next?
Elvina i long to see your face again
with thy hair black as midnight flowing like a river
thy face angles like an elf
with patience to match
thy gentel words show thou troubles
and scars yet to my eyes
they beauty is everlasting
Elvina i thank you
thy skin is scarred with lines of flame
the burning knife that scarred your skin
is no deterent to me for i know
the troubles other cause
you strength has saved
me from the burning knife
Elvina i thank you
you have saved me
Elvina i thank you
may we meet again
Frightened; scared; worrisome, that's how I am..
Not that I am so ****ed up or too bad..
Rather I am caring so much...
Or maybe I have experienced too much..
I built up walls to protect myself...
I restricted myself to rules and regulations..
I defined and structured ways to be in control..
I followed a pattern to avoid dominion...
Maybe because of how I have grew up..
Maybe because of how the persons treated me..
Maybe because of how situations challenge me..
Maybe because of actual experience..
True, I am almost exactly like that..
Few have taken the time and effort to discover me..
Behind those smiles are hidden pains to burst..
Behind those silence are quiet tears waiting to break..
Behind those hugs are yearnings of affection.
Behind those compositions are me: myself...
Yet, I have always been hopeful...
Always holding on...
Not that of pretentions.
Nor to give good impression..
Rather, It is because of that burning faith..
It is because of that selfless love...
Didn't I laugh hard until I'm teary eyed..
Didn't I sing so much until my voice hoarse..
Didn't I eat so much that I burp..
Didn't I given so much that I'm remembered...
Didn't I still love so much that I don't expect any returns..
I lie to protect people I love..
I break rules to get closer to what I want..
I work hard to attain my dreams...
I try to be the happy me to me others happy..
I am living my life the way I know right..
I made mistakes and even failed..
but, I rejoice to acknowledge these didn't stop me..
These didn't lead me to quit..
I rise up..
I stood up..
I am still here..
God, helped me through it all..
I have welcomed the Darkness
the Light is my enemy
Now and Forever
I can’t digest it, but I must,
forced to the stepped on and spat on,
my ideals and my thoughts
I see no great dawn,
only the darkness of rage
- accept it I must,
captive in my cage
NO! – accept it I’ll not!
I’ll not live in a cage,
nor will I fear the darkness of rage
nor be stepped on
or spat on or worse,
my pride a gift or maybe a curse
I despise, it I hate it
It hates me back,
these thoughts and ideals,
which ones do I trust?
I despise it I do,
but digest it I must
…As a dragon I have soared,
…Regions ranging shore to shore,
…Great stories, great adventures,
…Great tales and greater pleasures,
…But as I recount my years,
…The dark specter of time leers,
…Reminding of days gone by,
…Spent without reason or rhyme,
…Now chained in murky shadows,
…Underneath deadly gallows,
…Upon which I killed all hope,
…Of better days down the road,
…A pitiful existence,
…Powerful and persistent,
…But then hope from this hell grows,
…Once the dragon met the rose…
Thy fire cleanses my body of the darkness that clings to me
Createing a barrior that the darkness cannot pierce
Thy wings bright and shining though the dark
Guide me to you
They take my mind heart and soul
and twist it to their words
Binding me in chains that hold fast
To my very being unable to escape
I am lost to the light
and found by darkness
My blood is poison
Darkness flow in place of my blood
A black stone is my heart it
Kills all who draw near
My blood is poison
never again will you know
love, joy, hope or passion
Nor will you receive these from others
Darkness is your ONLY companion lover and friend
The light will NEVER be yours
NEVER again will you feel its warmth upon your skin
There is a shadow that fallows me
The shadows have taken all that come near me
for I live in the dark
where once I dwelled in the light
the darkness that lived inside me
has now become me
there is a lust for blood,
a fury that nothing can sate
this darkness that was once a shadow
is now the fangs of midnights unholy creature
a changeling that takes the form of everything and nothing
both corporeal and at the same time a incorporeal mist
tearing into me, ripping my flesh from my body
as it eats my liver and devours my heart
there is nothing I can do but still I fight
with hands that have turned to claws
and teeth that tear bite more beast than human
I fight the living dead and the dead that are living
I feel only rage blood lust and fire dwell in my eyes
I was born in the light and there I once dwelled
Now I live in the dark
For I have been reborn
Born in darkness
Its simply remarkable, the excitement I feel
When I am blessed with your dominating presence
I am easily drawn to you and immediately lost within you
Traveling glorious heights exploring the depths of many heavens
The sight of you promotes intense anticipation and extreme anxiety
Umm…I am easily overwhelmed by a hunger, too strong to resist
A tremendous desire for a need, to omnipotent and persistent to just dismiss
Without you, my rational thoughts and actions become elusive and impulsive
Emotionally, I am incoherent and unstable, besieged by a love so fragile but
Physically, I am deaden to the actual world around me
But reanimated mentally and spiritually to the fictional world that impounds me
Extreme chills and vigorous shaking spells, cleanses my flimsy body of any
During the absence of your efficacious aroma filling my lungs with love
I long for your intense inoculations
Baby, I must be tripping…please inject me with your venom
It’s what I want…it’s what I need and what I truly desire
I don’t care what they say or how they characterize me
All I know are the feelings we share together, you control my thoughts
And I …I…I passionately ignite your fire
I hear the rumors they call me weak and say I’m addicted to your love
I say, I’m addicted to your autonomy, honesty, loyalty and spiritual essence
We’re on another level, just you and me…I trust you with my life and you give me
a different version of life One of trust, freedom and understanding, without
Those other people fear change…they make such a big deal of change
When it’s really all the same…there are no differences whether white or black
My only disposition or concern is “why don’t I know your real name?”
For months now, we have been intimate lovers, yet I only know you as “CRACK!”
i have fallen into the dark
Ocean storms arise to swallow me whole
unpredictable untraceable intractable
I am hunted Hunted
Doomed to die in darkness
With no way out I am dead
dead to all living to none
black is my mind heart and soul
for I don’t live
pestilence restlessness sedatives
represent my main directives
presentment made me infected
selective systematic collective
medative hesitation effects my relevance
like hell needs a prince
never accept limits
convince me long since
i should repent
i never new what i was trying to attempt
i believed it was from hell i was sent
because once you get under my skin
you'll never tempt me again
Friendly enemy or foe
i don't not care at all no
Then into the monster i transform im a fellin
my exoskeleton is made from titanium dripped gelatin
Perfectly flexible cybernetic veins here my bellowing
im set to kill automatic tongue im never mellowing
i spit sparatic people lavish my tongue lashing hello n
goodbye nice to see you have a good time kill a fellow n
realize im a villain include chronic in my song im telling
you dog like wrestling im raw but bloody like saw your welting
from my manic pelting i keep it strapped above my belt im melting
My personification became like a puppeteer
i dangle on the strings of my sanity
and dance in the pale moon lite
its in my nature to believe i am something i am not
a look in the mirror is a trip into a place that has never
been seen before in the depths of my consciousness
Fire rains pain and sorrow
yet only I fell it
how can this be is every one dead?
Do they not feel it burning upon their flesh and soul?
I'm crying out with these emotions that i'm can't explain
I'm crying out with two emotions in my heart,my sadness,and my pain
My tears flow out like a river fall into an endless ocean
My mind feels like its at war with my emotions.
Can you see my tears as they flow out
Can you see the pain in my eyes
Can you understand the pain I'm suffering from
Can you hear me asking why
I'm crying because of the world's ever escalating malice
I'm crying because of the news always showing victims of murderers and rapists
I'm crying because seeing so many deaths.
I'm crying because of seeing innocents breathing their last breaths
I'm crying because of people dying on the street corners
I'm crying along with the other mourners
These tears are for those who've died in wars,barrios,and ghettos
Even though we it was their time to go
I'm crying because the the pain will never go away
The tears will never disappear
All i can do now is pray
And that people can see this black youth's tears
Tragedies openly stir,
Clouds of horror and deaths beckons,
With dreams transforming into nightmares,
Nightmares flaming out shadows fire,
Shadows fire relentlessly torture,
Oh yes indeed, emotional torture remains a venom to swallow,
Yet this remains a known, unknown.
Death is made a necessary option,
With the heart overshadowed by darkness
And senselessness hallmarked in life,
While the odd is virtually visible in everything,
Rendering the future wobbly towards itself.
An abode is made in darkness,
Companion in fear,
A temporary solution is gladly-handed in alcohol,
And entrusted with a permanent solution, is death.
Though darkness abounds inwardly,
Happiness thrives to spread on.
A deception of life is revealed,
Perplexity is helplessly endured,
And salvaging the fallen world is far from reach.
Yet, the sermon emphasizes the tip of the iceberg.
And death, found to be invisible
Demons fallow me day and night
surrounding me their aroows seek me from their demonic bows,
their blades are sharp and ready ,
their acidic words sear my flesh
bear to bone and sinew
I fight tht darkness in inside
trying to find the light;
it is only in my dreams never to be found
I was deeply in love with your sister
From those four years I was ready to give
The better part of my life to live
To be a husband, to be a father, to be a spouse, to be a lover
You tapped into my dark side of desire
And pulled me into your web through lust
You were jealous of the affection
And you wanted all the attention
You took everything I could have had
Everything that could?ve healed my soul
You lured me in to take that step you gained my trust
And when I followed I fell into a giant hole
Cause? of you I lost my way
I lost my bride your sister was to be my loving wife
An because of envy you seduced me into bed
Your gave me head and took my seed cause you wanted to breed
For years I suffered for what I?d lost
I tried to get away from you
But you?d always find grope and kiss me
You tortured me with guilt that has created the man I am today
Bent on vengeful, hateful rage sour with decay
I tried to forgive you I tried to forgive me
But the truth is I am broken for what you did to me
Then you lied about the whole scenario and blamed it all on me
Lollipop kisses (sticky sweet)
Impress their nectar upon your whiskered cheek:
Your hand absently wiped away their adolescent aftertaste.
Outstretched for a reassuring (pretentious) hug
Grasp only the stale air of your indifference
Breathed upon my naively upturned face:
Smothered in incognizance.
Does it mystify?
That I have excommunicated myself from
Your well rehearsed pleasantries?
Your hypocritical attempts to condone justification of
Your displaced loyalty simply compounds the situation.
Your bed is not mine to lie in -
Your rules no longer mine to follow.
Perhaps now you will be the one to recite fairy-tales
On feather-filled pillows, as silent tears cascade down
Self erected barricades, puddling by your cheek...
Pray you never hear the lone hoot owl
As he waits impatiently by your grave...
Rain seeps into every crack and crevice
chilling to the bone
Winter has arrived with a vengeance
and summer is forever gone.
Ice slicks the asphalt, into a
glittering glistening death trap.
Here begins the slow invasion
of the unrelenting cold.
This grubby little mutt follows one day,
His hair matted, claws overgrown.
You take pity on the poor thing;
Starving and probably ill.
(A miserable pup with big sad eyes)
And leave blankets and scraps out the door
You wonder of his owners forgotten
He’s no street dog- well behaved and gentle
Perhaps abandoned, lost.
But maybe not. He’s ugly, scarred
Hairless in patches- He belongs in a kennel.
You don’t want him- and feel an inexplicable deep hatred
The wag of his tail infuriates and the curve of his snout enrages.
You slam the door.
A glass spills and everything is red.
Merlot on the carpet, scarlet on the bed.
You knock over the roses
Deep crimson of condolence
You want to draw blood, you want to destroy
You crave another’s red bloody torment
Schadenfreude, be damned
His whines pierce-
through the cold air of the night,
and the solid wooden door.
The royal blue E minor: the laments of the abandoned
You can’t help but join in song
As the wretched creature
howls expressivo at the starless sky
a symphony of loss.
Violins screech to his scratching
with trills, mordents and turns.
The descending melodic line fades and echos;
As the merciless tonic pedal of time ticking
The clarinets wails accompaniment;
subdominant, tonic, leading.
And with a plagal cadence, the mutt droops his tail
Morning arrives- painfully slow
The rising sun thaws anguished aubergine
And leave only tender lapis of fingers frostbitten.
They struggle; falls a familiar key
As you reach and bend
Moist; a warmth unexpected and wet
As the mutt licks your hand
tongue curling around a corpse’s digits
nuzzling his cold snout into the back of your knee.
Tongue lolling, tail wagging
The mutt never leaves.
The frost on the tree branches promise
Of how you’ve lived and grown
They shimmer like precious silver
and accent the beauty of home.
The fresh biting air,
with great gasping breaths you shiver.
Here begins a new journey
With your most loyal friend.
This bumpy ride, it frightens me!
The sun beats down upon my hide
They've tied me up, we're on our way!
They said they're tossing me away!
As wind whips by, we're gaining speed
My cries unheard, no voice to plead
I'm swaying like a drunken fool
This old truck jars, with every turn
A fear in me as tires burn
I'm pushed aside,
They called me names
"Worn out, has seen much better days"
Outlived, they say, my days are done
To be replaced
Forgotten that beneath my skin
Of peeling paint, of beaten face
A life in me, a charm within
This heartless deed, how can this be?...
Please, won't you see the priceless me?
Beneath the grime, is treasured wood
A little care, restore my good!
I've seen so much in all my years
Your child in laughter, yourself in tears
And while you rocked, I soothed your fears
Tis not my fault that I've grown old
While offering you a place to hold
You bounced your child upon a knee
Please hold a spot of care for me!
Don't dump me in among the muck
Among the heap of worthless rot
Have pity, please!!...forsake me not!
I'm worthy of a place, a part
A spot of mercy from your heart!
Please turn around, back to my home
I'll offer rest, for weary bones
When days are hard, and winter comes
I'll hold you up, when you're alone.
Revised for Matt Caliri's contest "Speak, Chair, Speak"
4 walls, 3 windows, 1 door, and 2 locks: what for?
When evil remains unleashed
And penetrates even the most solid of barriers.
Is there no salvation?
Is there no reprieve from the ugliness of
An angry soul lashing out against invisible foes
Manifested on the innocent?
Windows decorated with bars.
And peering through their coldness mournful eyes stare
~ veiled with the caution of soiled hope ~
Searching for sanctuary:
Knowing we've come too far.....