You have my soul, but you have your fate
Whatever your words, I’m willing to take
You have my word; I’ll give you my breath
It’s like a chain that would never be break
You are my love with all my heart,
I’ll fight for you with all my might.
And in the way, you admire your goals,
You hold my hands, but not so close.
As you go to your chosen path,
I’ll accept the fact that we will be apart.
In the dark side, I leave behind
Within my faith, that you’ll arise
Please don’t look back, coz I’m fighting still
I’m hurting so much! Don’t want to have you near
I accept my fate for what it does,
I’m bleeding so much, do you know for whom it was?
You reach your goals, as you want to have,
Would you remind the man that gave what he had?
As you reach the stars, and be the one
Be a sun that shines its own.
After the rain, the rainbow comes,
Like dark in the moon, when the light flash
A glimpse from you at least a short
For then I knew my pain is worth.
As a tear runs down my cheek
the world might see me as weak.
But a pain that has no end
devours me day and night
until I feel spent,
useless, a candle without light.
Could I have done more?
Why didn't I dig to the core?
If only I made that last call
maybe I would have seen
his ultimate brick wall
How different things could have been.
But now is the hour to let go
Time to fight my own foe
allow him the peace and rest
Only has he forgone me
His sun setting in the west
a short while before my own will be.
I followed your every footsteps,
for awhile now.
It's leading me to the same spot,
that it left you, Marcus.
You were my role model,
my leader from the start.
My best friend from the day
that we met in the park.
I was your follower,
you never complained.
You were my leader
all just the same.
But now, I'm starting
That all through these years,
I've been following the wrong guy.
I've purposely been following you.
But your starting to do things
that I don't want to do.
I am now the leader
and you are following me.
This is not
how it was meant to be.
Asking you to stop,
you always refuse.
You say you won't give up
until you have to move.
We both know very well,
that you will never move.
It's a family tradition
in where you can not move.
I will have to wait
until I can move.
For I am still to young
and my 'family' chooses not to.
I now have to make a choice,
a huge one on my part.
It's starting to dawn on me
that you like me.
I know very well
that you don't break promises.
Yet, you promised me
that you like me.
The real promise
is pretty harmful.
I can't let you
go through with it.
You said that if I
don't believe you like me,
you'll commit suicide.
There's one problem with that.
I have dysthymia.
Incase you don't know
what that is.
It's pretty much low self-esteem
and cutting yourself.
I can't believe people
when they say they like me.
No matter what they do,
I just can't, my mind won't allow it.
So this may be
the end, I really hope not though.
Please don't be serious,
-Yes, this actually happened today (October 20, 2013). I feel really bad that I can't help him. But, I really do have dysthymia and major depression. I have thought about suicide myself, and came pretty close. But I don't want it to happen to anyone else. Especially not Marcus. Thanks..!-
ODE TO BADEN
Kevin L Fairbrother
Baden, Baden our best Mate
What gave you the right to decide your fate
You left this life much the same as you lived it
With guts, determination and strength
and gambled that you could win
Baden, you left us out and pissed us off
You made us mad and very sad and all so sorry
So sorry that you felt the need to exclude us
From all the troubles that you felt
Because Baden, we could have helped
Like a true gambler who gives nothing away
You broke even on this day
The baggage you carried and would not unload
So the troubled waters just flowed and flowed
The waters still now, the baggage all gone
Leaves us the question, did we do wrong
You have paid the price, there is no return
The best we can do for you now
Is reach the place you so desired
Pictures and memories is all we know have
We feel cheated that your smile we will never see
And all those happy times just memories
We hope you are happy where-ever you may-be
We will have a drink or two and reminisce of life with you
And contemplate our lives without you
Max your dog he howls, he misses you
And all your family shed tears and grieve
The bush is silent the trees are safe
The axe and chainsaw there silent to
The wood pile will slowly dwindle
And the fire die just like you
Aka-Daka will see you off as you ride on
Ride on forever Bade as we will miss you heaps
With love and best wishes go you now
Rest in peace and sleep for-ever
Sanity on Colonial Road no longer exists.
The endless spiral downward still persists.
Friends have been lost, no longer exist.
Life is strange, wipe me off the list.
Have no wife, no kids, no job.
And yes, I live the life of a slob.
Feel like I’m hiding from the mob.
Give them time, they’ll do their job.
61 and obsolete, too old it seems to compete.
61 and without a dime, got too old before my time.
61 and life’s past me by, happened quick, sigh.
61 never thought my life would be a lie.
Where are the grandchildren to make me smile?
Where are the days I can relax in style?
What kind of fool have I be in life?
Why do I have to endure this strife?
If it were cancer or heart disease
Or some other health issue if you please.
Then I could understand what I’ve been dealt.
And try to keep living, not be willing to melt.
I once had a life, a business, a dream.
I woke every day with a full head of steam.
But that business, that dream has faded away.
And I have not replaced it, have not had my say.
I keep trying to reinvent myself.
As I’ve been told it’s that or all else.
I’ve been at it for the last two years.
And my reward, nothing but tears.
Perhaps I’ve had it too easy from the very start.
Inherited a business, my father’s death was a part.
Did all I could for almost ten years.
Then closed the doors, but had no fears.
Started a new one, way back in ‘86.
From the beginning, I knew it would stick.
Lived a good life, not rich but no worries.
Until it nosedived and gave me the sorries.
When you’re 61 without a dime to your name.
It’s hard to look back and feel the same.
For almost forty years I lived the dream.
Now all is lost, I do nothing but scream.
Oh, I send resumes to all the employers out there.
Not one reply in two years if your dare.
Unless you want to sell credit card machines.
There’s no work for you, you ain’t living the dream.
I’ve had plenty of good counsel and lots of advice.
Not a single thing in two years has been able to suffice.
I think of the gun virtually every single day.
Get over this misery, say goodbye and good day.
What you say, don’t ever give up?
What about George Eastman or Ernest Hemingway?
Or Hunter S. Thompson from Rolling Stone by the way.
You think my problems pale by the way.
I tire each morning facing my painful non rewarding life.
I hate the world for not recognizing my strife.
I have so much more to give to this world.
But if no one can see it, let the flags be unfurled.
The letter that sits unfinished,
the tear that will not fall,
there is nothing more to give,
because she already gave it all.
The cuts that will not fade,
the scars that will not heal.
You will not let them leave,
because they’re the only way you can feel.
The girl that sits there wondering,
laying alone at night,
Will she ever be enough?
Will she ever be alright?
The boy in the corner crying,
because his father beat his mom,
and when that beating is over,
to him it will carry on.
These are the kids that sit alone,
and will never be enough.
These are the kids that will leave,
when the going gets too much.
So remember the kids that sit there,
crying alone at night.
remember the kids that are no longer,
able to put up a fight.
Because it’s just a matter of time,
before these kids, they leave.
These are the kids whose flaws,
are the reasons that they grieve.
All it takes is a smile,
a look, hug, or a kiss.
To turn these lost kids’ pain,
into neverending bliss.
So as you sit here wondering,
what it’s like to be alone at night.
Just sit there and remember,
that you can help them fight.
I want you to remember,
that there’s always someone worse than you.
I just want you to realize,
there’s always more than just you.
I often wonder
how Plath could have stayed
a year more longer
a million winters with fragrance of spring
would have embraced us
warmth of summer!