As a young boy
Sitting in a pew
The winter darkness pressing down
Candlelight waves from hidden drafts
Shadows danced on the walls
I heard the words destined to me
“Be still . . . know that I am God”
So I listen . . . eyes open
“The Passion of Christ”
I was gone . . .
I saw eyes . . .
Judas under the olive trees - Gethsemane
His eyes . . . cold, darting . . . filled with manic evil
Torchlights hissing . . . turning eyes yellow
Then a kiss and chaos erupts
I closed my eyes . . . suddenly afraid
Now I see a set of eyes . . . filled with burning hate
A High Priest screaming . . . B-L-A-S-S-P-H-E-M-Y ! ! ! ! !
All around ugly eyes staring with dripping contempt
Old men spitting with bared rotting teeth
Then I noticed . . . and . . .
And my heart ached . . .
Jesus . . . standing quietly with closed eyes
Then we were off to Roman authority -- Pontius Pilate
I saw his slanted eyes . . . squinting as if too much sunlight
Loud voices yelling outside . . . “Crucify him!”
In my heart, I cursed these people – but his eyes
His eyes were dark, soft – forgiving
A hand washing and we are walking . . .
To a hillside, a place called Golgotha – the skull
Empty eye sockets . . . a place of death
The eyes of soldiers hard, focused . . .
Spikes, woods – his sad eyes burning my heart
Closing my eyes, I heard a sharp gasp . . . soldiers yelling
As I opened my eyes – I was looking out with his eyes
We were seeing the same things
Angry faces with eyes of burning ashes
Taunting and jeering – a wave of hysteria hitting us
I heard and felt a deep groan
Fear gripping me – I knew instantly we needed to go
Men, women, soldiers, slaves, leaders, teachers
Eyes filled with blood lust
Evil, hatred . . . . I can’t breath
Death coming with the darkness
Jesus! Can’t you see . . .
Then I heard him whisper
“Father, forgive them, they know not what they do.”
My heart sank realizing with horror
Jesus is staying . . . dying
I felt his purposeful breathing
Muscles, bones, joints aching with a searing pain
My eyes filled with tears
I saw another set of bloodshot eyes
A voice next to me yelling
“If you’re the Christ, get down from the cross
And take me too! Let’s go!”
NO, NO!!! . . . What is he saying
Those are my words – I am sick
My stomach seizes . . . guilt fills me
I close my eyes
Another voice – on our right speaks
“Lord, remember me . . . “
Jesus painfully turns, twisting his body . . . looking . . .
He sees blue eyes – my eyes
I am hanging next to Jesus
“Today you will be with me in Paradise”
We were one – together . . . one body
Now separate crosses . . . I feel crushed by loneliness
But his words . . . “Paradise” . . . “today”
He loves me – I see him looking at me
His eyes illuminating my soul . . . it hurts
I tried crying out – I love you . . .
But only a sob squeaks out
Gravity pulling down pulling down
Eyes straining against the pain
Joints and ribs stretching . . . popping
Chest heaving for each breath
Body convulsing against wood
Head back . . . eyes wide open . . . he screams
“My God! My God! Why have you forsaken me?”
No one answers . . . surprised eyes
In my tears I felt the agony of the cross
The bleakness . . . hell
Back in the pew
I heard the preacher
“He died for you”
What . . . why . . . no . . .
No, I don’t want you dead
Hey, wait for me – slow down
Running hard, breathing deeply
I stuck my head in empty tomb – hum??? . . . .
I sat quietly next to Mary Magdalene . . . wondering
The gardener spoke – “Mary”
But he was looking at me – bright eyes
He said . . . “David”
“David, I love you”
Yes!! Woo Hoo . . .
Look at me . . . I am dancing
With shinning eyes
“I love you too”
“I love you”
In a new road,
Rain will fall,
Wind may blow,
Swifting our woe.
The road forever on and on,
Many paths to choose,
Many paths to take,
Through the shadows,
Through the night,
Clouds going by,
There we will lie,
Seeing shivered land,
Seeing the dead seas...
Through the edge,
Miles to go,
Rain may fall,
Through the nightfall,
Through the twilight,
Through the dusk,
Through the dawn,
Paths on and on,
'Till the road comes along...
Trigger finger on the button as he shoots his victims photograph with cold bullets. He's already gone before the bullet shells hit the ground.
blood runs through there emotionless eyes. it leaks desecrating and tainting the floor with innocent murder written all over it. The bodies twitch on the floor in a horrifying manner to those who witness it. The people called him the ghost photographer because they've never gotten the chance to identify him. Like a shadow, there but not there. real but not existing.
The ghost photographer appears in another location at a wedding, heading there as the evening photographer nobody suspects a thing. Shooting people with the fake camera, clever man plotting to take the bride and grooms life. Engaging conversation with them. They trust him as a nice man however the two later enter a room and he enters as well convincing them to have a couple more pictures taken of them. They agree willingly because they are so happy and unaware of how there night is yet to sink into the pit of blackness. The doors quietly lock shut in the chapel room. He says "Don't even think about saying cheese cause you won't be fucking smiling". Before they get the chance to look confused as to what he just said he hits the button taking silenced "shots" of them piercing there skin and tearing there big day apart as easy as paper. The splatter and drip of blood leaves there deceased bodies as they hit the ground. Suddenly lifeless and unable to begin a life with each other. Everyone's faces drop when they witness the two victims corpses and happiness built up in the day has turned to sadness and horror.
The ghost photographer disappeared into the dark night.
Nobody knows why. But in his mind he is living yet dead, ending others lives and happiness for his own sadistic satisfaction.
Most photographers are happy to capture people's joy. But not this one, he ends it.
He went back to his darkroom illuminated by red lights to take real photographs of all the ghosts of the people he murdered.
He looked at me with
Hiding in his own world.
All knew his looks,
But none knew him.
No one realized
who he was.
Then one day,
Everyone closed in on him
Their daggers pointing
At the only feeling he had:
He let out a sob
One small sob that told them everything
They walked away.
But they never ceased to push and shove him
Dislocating his heart and putting sorrow to his words.
They never realized
What they were doing
Until it was too late.
He put a sword to his heart and said,
"I love you, mom and dad, but now it's time for me to go."
Stabbing his heart,
He lay there, his cold and still body radiating sorrow
The others never glanced,
But I looked at him.
I carried him out,
Not understanding why others would do this.
When we held a funeral,
Some said he was kind and so I asked,
"Where were you when he needed you?"
In the past I remember how things were so simple
When I was little my cheeks had such cute dimples
Looking back I remember how sweet I was as a child
When I think again my heart told me I was so wild
Yet, in time my simple choices was revealed as true as anyone
The reason I was the way I am today, I did things, to get done
Finishing lots of my undone ideas was so incredibly hard
So I figure my heart and choices should never hold in no bard
I never thought I would learn heart aches and pain
With such under statement I did things for no gain
I was a child who held true to what he has learned
But as we got older those kinda perspective would get me burned
When I made up my mind that people was not kind
I led myself in a confusion that I was blind
In the past I do recall that seeing is believing
So I was the one who stood their with friends leaving
Alone, I felt I did not belong, I cherish each person who knew me
I got older too see how the world works it stung me like a bee
The feeling of tingling ran through my vain
My view of the world and people who knew me was stained
Now I know they are out for their selves with no kind feelings
Life I know is just a joke because of who I hung out with seeing
Today as I look at the world it is in such shambles and astray
And rather fallow everyone I just walk away
He loved you too, you know
Loved you like his very own
In away you were
You came into his life as my friend
Through the years you grew to be my brother in arms
Along the way you became the son he never had
He loved you as a friend
He loved you even more as a son
A son he never had
When things began to spiral out of control
You stayed when so many others ran away
You helped when I couldn’t
You meant a great deal to him
You never looked at him differently
Nor did you treat him differently
You stood by his side
When he fell, you stood by his side and mine
You were willing to help me fight his battle for him
You were there from the beginning
You were there until the bitter end
Always remember my friend, my brother
He loved you more than you’ll ever know
Dedicated to close Family friend Rodney Howard. He loved my Daddy just as much as I did/do.
Dreams Of Reality
By Nate Spears
Published 2013 in “Death OF A Rose” By Nate Spears
A difference of a world a way
A distance of a different kind
Love is blind and divine
Hold my hand
Let us touch the sunshine
On this hill of heaven we stand
From one another
Life and the world will never take us
Unless it’s together
Then we will become forever
Never leaving each others presence
Our bond becomes stronger in living
With every day
I stare into your glare
Wishing we live on; and long
Strong and healthy
We will grow old
In a happy union together
Looking beside me
Coming to a reality
You’re not there
My dreams are not reality
My love has perished.
Which way leads to the
land of green white
Which way are we
A country the wicked
bears the rulership, and
the people sighing
A terrible thing sprouts
beneath the sun: a
Imps come to lime-light
by snuffing air from the
goose that laid the
The blind guiding the un
The weak suppressing
the strong-a terrible
Like the overthrow of the
gods at Mt. Olympus by
A country where also
thieves appear as men of
Land of green white
A land where the
enlightened ones are
peanuts given to them.
The masses are dogs that
eat the crumbs.
Which way to go you
Iliterates stand on
podium of power
bellowing orders as milk
of sorrow known as
dividends of democracy
is passed around.
The machine of progress
manned by the
"There is better
tomorrow" we hear.
Land of green white
where rule of law walk
The proles are sentenced
to adversity,and there
endured death-like trials.
Chai! Aru! People
dancing on thorns
whimpering as they
I see a new sun rising
from the horizon,hope is
rekindled as its rays
grace on hopeless bodies.
Look!! there soon be
The tears I shed are not tears of pain but of grief for you my love. As life would have it or fait at least; you lost at what could have been. Really what should have been!
I know what you truly deserve and it's not me or the poor background of which I've come from. Your friends have managed to find wives with wealth and retirement. While all you can do is carry the load as you always do.
Do not think for an instant my heart isn't hurting; knowing I'm not good enough, never have been, and never will be. I can never catch up in life and will never be an equal. At no time is this far from my mind.
I used to think love was all that mattered but now I have grown up and realize how much more there is to life. A fine line drawn in the sand from the beginning has set us apart and down separate paths. Together yet not as one; this was never to be for our lives were directed by poverty and riches.
Was I selfish to want you? I did not understand then as I do now. Now knowing what I know, I cry for you my love. You could have carried on finding that special one to share all of you with. No lines drawn, no poverty or riches to separate. No tears shed or grief knowing ones' not good enough!
What's ahead as each day passes I wait to see. God has a plan, everything happens for a reason. A new job with more money, yet not even this erases the line. Not for my life of such little means even this can't bind a heart set on a different path?
Bloody fetus in a jar
I buried her, at sixteen years old.
My heart crumbled for the very first time.
I want to know her skin,
Every smile line, every dimple,
Every scar that has yet to fade like and incision too deep on my lung
I can’t breathe.
I want to know her scent
And I dream of it like it is the breeze of the coast
I can feel the vibrations of the ocean smacking against my skin
Weeping, rapping, weeping, rapping,
As I fall to my knees.
I want to know.
what you meant
when you said to me “Baby I’m gone”
wherever you are
I want to know.
I want to see the crop farmers clapping to the weight of wind
Let me in
I want to know,
Every opportunity that arises that meteor showers this millennium
And the way the clouds hide it all
Underneath their power to protect us from what,
Like the weight of the world fell on my shoulders
And the clichés clapped at the poet’s last line
And the heavens smoke glazed my eyes
As I stepped outside
Put my thumb up for a ride
Because I want to know
The smell of dissatisfaction
And the tingle of effective poison
And the embrace of a lost loved one
Up there, covered in clouds
That protect me
From seeing her
My sweet, sweet baby.
My beautiful bloody angel.
I want to know what it is like to forgive,
have my mind freed of all resentment
and neglect of the happiness that went hidden into the frozen corners of my brain.
I want to know love,
to know contentment and stability and the light that rains on so many men,
so many women.
I want to grasp that.
I want to hold peace and press it against my chest.
I want to take God and cup him in my hands and scream
“Where Were You!”
Where have you been!
Where will you be when I am falling… or floating
Where will you be.
I want to know
Where is she.
Not just about that old mason jar buried in my garden
But God, did she fall or did she float?
Because I want to know
Because wherever she went I will go.
Long ago I lost a precious thing that used to lift me up as it lifted burdens shouldered with it's way of
tender holding .How barren now that what has left it's mark to shame us .Just in a role and this acheless
rage so apt a trick it lies alone as so in many ways reaching each as it denied us. Tertiary paid in knowledge
first an icon green so paramount.Strip ped barren now and left us naught but naked thoughts of whats
spilled a path while denying everything but woe to us the wickedness to whats yet still left so easily still
Apr 17 at 3:25am · · Like · Share · Remove
Love Fast Run Far
by James P Kail Wednesday April 17th 2013
Like · Edit · Apr 17 at 3:56am
There are some things, we will never forget
the sound of a phone call, still rings in my ears
squeezing my chest.....squeezing my chest...
the sun was sinking low, into the west
along with my heart
cold, under a blood-red sky
as we drove into the wedge of dusk
on the edge of our seats
in a frozen state
on that icy slope
I was holding my breath in the liquid silence
engaging in warfare
of knowing, without really knowing
how to hope, ...or what to hope for
but deep down
already knowing, the war was over...
my torso was rocking
without my control......forward and backwards
a life of it's own
a balm for raw nerves, I couldn't calm down
something to do, something to do
knowing, but not knowing
be hopeful, or be resigned?
coping? not well
...knowing, but not knowing
yet, somehow fearing
the war was over....
on that night that would change all...
he clung to the wheel......I clung to the seat
we clung to our prayers, but what was done, will be done...
what is gone.....will be gone
as we drove into the wedge of night
watching the moon replace the sun without remorse
we stayed on course, without a word between us said
but a slither of light on the horizon
filling my head with visions of birds on the wing
flying into the clouds
like a sign
as a shroud
taking my eyes
taking my hope
taking the doubt
my own resistance
to what I already knew
what was done....will be done
what is gone....will be gone
losing hope....is losing hope
the war was over...
what is left
we must accept
Little Red was riding all alone
but she lost her way back home
Sweet Mommy, ready with her jam and pancakes
waited for her dear Little Red all day
but where did she go?
where did she go?
that night was starless
and the wind was blowing so cold
Sweet mommy got so worried
so she called up Little Red on the phone
and asked the little brat where did she go
"mommy dont worry, please be calm", she answered
"i'm here at the city to hang out.
got a new baby, and by the way, grandma's ok, the wolf is dead
I'll be fine. i promise... I'll be home at ten"
So Sweet mommy stayed awake
waiting for her dear Little Red
But no Little Red came at ten
"that stubborn brat...", sweet mommy said
Again she called up Little Red
but the daughter's phone was unattended
It was already past eleven
"tomorrow, she'll have a good beating..." the mother said
It was past twelve already
when Sweet Mommy's phone rang
It was Little Red with a trembling voice
crying to her out loud
"Mommy, mommy...i'm so scared...please pray!
My baby's drunk and our car lost its brake
Mommy, i'm so sorry for what i've done and said
Mommy, mommy...I Love you...Oh shit!!!"..then the phone was dead
That night was starless
The wind was so cold
Where's Little Red now?
It was only supposed to last a little while.
The pain I suffered was temporary.
You promised you would fix it.
Oh and fix me you did.
I hate you for what I have become.
Tired. Lazy unable to work.
You created this monster of pain
Inside my head.
It never goes away.
But you were the lucky soul.
Your death was quick and painless.
Leaving behind those who mourn.
But I am not one of them.
I wish you all that you deserve.
I have something now that I cannot change.
This damage to nerves, and numbness and pain.
My life has become a struggle.
I compete with pain each day.
Sometimes I lose. Occasionally I win
It never leaves this pain you made.
I wonder how many more.
You destroyed like me.
So powerful being a surgeon.
To hold someone's life in your hands.
sickness, depression, anger
People are my weakness and hidden fear
I just feel that some words they say set me in tear
For example I gave a person a smile one day and they gave me a glare
I did not know that smiling in the world today cause people to stare
These types of stare gave me chills down my spine a feeling that made me blind
Why? why is my weakness the people who are very unkind
Hiding is all I can do when people give me a unkind view
I get to a point that my fear seems to wonder and stew
People are who they are and what should I even do
I don't understand that they are evil and some times nice too
My hidden fear are people just because they are always around
That is no argument and my feeling are perfectly sound
The hate builds up in my mind, but does not bother, how my heart feel
I learned to undergo a change that my feelings become like steel
Hard as it should be in situations needed I forget how to use it
So it becomes my weapon and it is to some people heartless just a bit
My hidden fear is what I see in people today
They harm others and they think it is okay
That is why I fear my feelings for others at times because it is so confusing
My hidden fear is some what bad and some what a blessing
The warm light calls me
And all the people who cries for thee
I raise my hand in this abyss
Only to make one wish
To float among the others
With all my sisters and brothers
I call out for forgiveness with passion
I take their pain into myself for this occasion
The moment that I see the sky
I will not look back and cry
My body is laying still
People standing by it with a chill
The air gets dense with sadness
I would not think of it less
Some people look up and down
To see the light hit the ground
Some can vision the uplifting feeling they see
One soul that has been and always be
It is special to notice such aberration
And that might be how souls are awaken
An angel formed from
lake of purity,a gift to
darkest parts of hearts.
A chaste damsel,
untouched rose from the
garden of the elves.
Sent to earth,made an
abode in a gentleman's
cherished and loved.
As time travelled,another
fella whom she trusted
lured her to un-saintly act
Her pride laid on altar of
dishonor and infidelity.
Her life she almost
snuffed,she feared the
love of her true love
would be lost. Alas! bond
of love is indivisible.
Shattered,with a broken
spirit she tries to mend
the pieces....on the
shoulder of her lover she
leans,hoping to soothe
her bruised heart.
A true story,a close
pretty lady friend of mine
was raped by her family
called her and told her
his mum was very sick.
She called me and
confided in me .
Don't know whether to
encourage her to call the
A total Jedi mind f*ck from Hell is what this is. I feel like a nuclear bomb has exploded in
my mind of Hiroshima proportions and I am on the brink of a Chernobyl meltdown.
Bewildered may be the best description of what I am feeling right now. I cannot process
anything; I feel like I am in total and utter f*cking shock. I apologize for the expletives;
I normally never curse when I write because I find it uncouth, but I have to get these
feelings out; I know if I don't, I will want to cut, which is the last thing in the world I want to
do. God knows I have enough scars; I don't need or want anymore.
From great pain comes great inspiration, I believe. Even though my mind is positively
reeling at this very moment as I type, I feel exponentially inspired. I am completely
overwhelmed emotionally, and I have just now stopped sobbing and weeping enough to
write; to get these horrid feelings out of me.
Even the smallest of troubles or strife turn into absolute tragedy and catastrophe in my
mind; I cannot help or control it, and God knows I wish I could. I "catastrophize" everything.
My best friend of 15 years just called me and told me she was moving to Alabama. I
shouldn't even say "best friend" for she is more like a sister to me. Always, always she
has been close by and been there for me as I have been for her, and now she is moving
what seems like galaxies away from me, and the pain I am feeling is so tremendous and
shocking; so unnerving and vexing and tormenting and afflicting...I could go on forever
with melancholy and exasperating adjectives and descriptions. In my mind, she is dead
and I am hosting the funeral in my brain. That's totally insane; I understand that, but at
this moment I am NOT rational. For a moment after I stopped crying my eyes out, I
almost felt catatonic. In my partner's arms, I just wept as he held me; I was shaking
and shuddering furiously. I feel lost. I haven't felt this powerless or helpless since my
grandparents died. She is moving away and there is nothing I can do about it. I am
a horrible and selfish human being for I want her to stay, so desperate do I feel.
Wendy, my sister, my best friend, my partner in crime; my cohort, consort, comrade,
co-conspirator: you who know me best, inside and out, like a book...you are leaving me,
and my sorrow is swallowing me whole- devouring me like an angry, rabid beast. Don't
go; don't leave me. With every fiber of my being I wish you to stay, but you've made up
your mind and told me your decision at the worst possible time, when I am already too
stressed to deal with or process this kind of pain and anguish in a healthy way. I'm ready
to hit the bottles: whisky and Lortab. They will ease the pain and will quell the compulsion
This is the most personal blog I have written. I didn't know what else to do but turn this
despair into words to help ease the heartache and suffering. If anyone cares, I need
support right now. I need prayers and well wishes and good vibes; I am about to crumble
to pieces. I feel like the proverbial rug has been pulled out from under my feet and I don't
know what to do. This is the worst feeling in the world. Uncertainty is truly the worst of all
Gun fire all around, bombs going off in the distance
It was some of the angry mobs and resistance
Father was the king of SafeHaven a small kingdom
Like all other kingdoms it fell in random
Fire started in the castle
And along with it came a battle
It was a distance memory now because the child has now grew
Many things in this child that made memories stew
My name is Mastrey, a young orphan who was there that night
Mastrey saw her in the distance and her father and mother in his sight
Everyone was loud that night and made all the children hide
But that evening Mastrey saw her mother and father die
She ran into the bushes in such a fright
And evil doers were running around with flashlights
Mastrey remember it as he distracted them
Her eyes was so confused with problems
Mastrey new that it was because of what just occurred
His feelings of what those people did was not awkward
The distraction worked, he went back to were she was
Hiding and very scared she was, he asked her, can you trust me just because?
Her answer that night depended on her lively hood
As Mastrey was their with his hand reaching out to her as he stood
Pulling her up from the ground he looked into her eyes that were SeaBlue
Mastrey had made a life long friend and love, She knew it was true
Next: My Story Telling, Who is this Princess
I have seen the depths of Hades!
And it is not a place of tranquility;
Neither is it a place of rest,
but a place of unending cursing,
and the gnashing of teeth is everlasting.
The multitude was too great to count -
Souls served as fuel for the unquenchable fire.
Hot coals were the bed for this place,
and flames covered Hades as a blanket.
Before encountering this beast,
a very long fall takes place -
Into a vast and immeasurable darkness.
There is no point of return!
Guilt, pain, sorrow,
and hate obscures the minds of the afflicted.
Their eyes are blinded by their unclean conscious,
and regret is all that is left.
My heart was shatter into pieces -
To see hell boundaries expanding so rapidly!
It’s mouth is wide open,
and in the top fangs -
Were Inscribed two words: “ETERNAL - PUNISHMENT”
The scorching fire,
the burns, the sores, and wounds,
and the desire to die is a punishment too great to bare.
But the greatest punishment of all -
IS SEPARATION, FROM GOD, FOR ETERNITY.
So far down into my pit of anguish, I find myself.
Slowly, some of my senses are coming back to me. Teh aching pain inside my soul and heart doesn't make this easy, but I try to rise my head, to stand on my own. In front of me, I find a looking glass.
Glancing at its cracked and dirty surface, I do not recognize teh face displayed in there. "For how long have I been sinking till I became this?" I think to myself. "Whatever is this that I spy, ain't worth the effort, mine or of anyone else..."
Squishing my eyes shut, in an attempt to fight this feeling of time wasted, of remorse and melancholy, feeling like my time is waning faster than it should, of it being wasted, I fail hard to do so.
Like sand, it goes through my fingers as I try to get a hold of it but, to no avail, it falls and vanishes into the drain.
And, as like that, I find her, once more. Cold and sharp, waiting. The crimson tint beneath my shell isn't a so soothing sight to behold no longer, in hope to make it fade away, all these evil thoughts and frustrations accumulating on each passing day through over all these years...
"What have I become? What have I done with my life to this point." Looking back, now I realize, all this time I've been fooling myself. Now it is too late.
I don't have time to anything else if not find relief on the click and the combustion of the dark dust. Trepanation by my own making. THe only good deed from myself to this screwed up world of broken shadows.
You should, as well, take a deep and look gaze upon this mirror without denying what you see in there, for I am of your making and you are broken equally. If you doubt, go there now and look and think...
I feel that I have found a home in this cyberspace
with full of hearts and ideas in a special place
I wonder of all the people in the world to make me smile
with antics that help me grow in every mile
I do want to say to all of the people with respect
because of all of you my mind is not in a wreck
I would lie if I did not get ideas from all of you
without you my poems would not come true
I bless everyone with care
with kindness and without dis-pare
I hold my hands high and put them together
with this I bless you with good weather
I do read some of the poems that people put out
sometimes I feel with out a doubt
I feel the pain in the poems that some has revealed
with hopes that they can read with their mind not sealed
I smile a bunch with every word
it is like a music in my head making a cord
I do want you all to know that you have made my day
to be a better day in every different array
I cherish my time with all the people in my heart
the words flow in my mind is just but a start
I'm happy with everyone in PoetrySoup.com
with hardship that came this cyberspace makes me calm
I cannot choose five cause if I do I don't think it's right
just to tell you that is just my own insight
I thank all for helping me grow with all the poems that are shown
with faith and humor, with views of kindness this site has grown
If I had to say or dedicate my poems to who
would be the first five who reads my poems with a point of view
By Nate Spears
Published 2013 in “Death OF A Rose” By Nate Spears
A diminishing Rose Bush
With every pedal plucked, beauty is fading away
Losing its essence of greatness
As we proceed to deplete its history
Life flows away,
I remain standing above
Stems are bare and exposed
Vulnerable to the world and its nature
I give woes
I give worries
I give troubles
These are my possibilities
Then the death of a rose and destruction
Bare my green,
My DNA shows traces of the best soils
Traced back to my mother’s land
Surrounded by fellow planted gold
Some will never know
Doing well isn’t doing well
We can’t bloom unless we unfold
Reproduce the best again
Stop dying daily for less than a win
There’s nothing we can’t do
That we’ve done once again
The next season will bring new pedals
I will never grow pass go anymore
Next year, beauty will flourish
Next season remains to nourish
Each season we should cherished
In our best moments
Each year is the best one of your life.
VIETNAM VET SOLDIER'S NIGHTMARE
Another dream –
I could not wake –
Escape from what would follow--
Grasping for a secret word, the letters stark and hollow--
I was trapped entangled there,
Just beyond the reach
Of men that could release me
Or a hill that could be breached
Gunfire was a backdrop
Soft and pungent was its sound
Fell on me like raindrops--strangely harmless on the ground
Smoky gray encased me like a piece of sleeping net
Tunnel faces hidden —easy killing, no regret--
Felt terror and the aching for the friends around me cold
Standup guys with stalwart hearts--just did what they were told
Then my cell phone beeped a beep---
A message had come in ....
Now awake I saw your name---
My new day would begin.
November 25, 2012
waking from a nightmare contest
Blame the devil for the 298 murders:
those poor lost souls who were aboard
flight MH17 in the clear blue skies
far above the nation of the Ukraine.
The evil old serpent we call Satan
has taken human form and calls himself
Vladimir “Vlad The Mad Cad” Putin.
He is the same soulless stone-hearted beast
he always has been but is far uglier than
anyone could have ever imagined even in
the most nightmarish dreams of our youth.
The devil indeed lives among us and he is
out for more blood, including yours and mine.
He betake himself to his room
Does a clear blue sky betokening a bright day?
His motivating memory needs to retrace the day,
The reverberating revival and the doom.
In the boulevard, sloppy and slippery
Derelicts yet living on the streets
Where are the members of the expedition?
Buster! Prominent players on the pains.
In his fatherland, full of luxuries,
Where he is used and kicked
With nothing like honey moon or period
His readiness is there forever,
Like compatriots who look to their history.
For words he wails in himself is not of doubt:
What goes around, comes around
And what comes the world goes the world.
A deranged attacker, could he be?
Your bundle of joy I was, you were mine,
The strength of our love knew no bounds,
Limitless adventures were our portion,
The taste of your lips, as divine as the softness of your touch,
Making out with you, an adrenaline rush.
Time has passed, that era has ended,
Arguments have taken the place of conversation,
We know each other's touch no more,
Broken I make you without effort,
To the point where you desire to sever our ties,
But our destinies are tangled vines,
An item we are destined to be.
A period I'll dedicate to you,
To make our weaknesses strengths,
To make our understanding full,
So our love can be restored to its glory
Blinded by this Fear and Pain.
I've lost all sense of control.
Confused and Mistaken.
For all the lies I've heard.
The Fault is my Own.
Wounds breaking, Scars bleeding.
Trying to shake this feeling.
I take what's left of me.
Just to stop the beating.
The Fault is My Own.
The Sun sets in a distance way.
As I lay my body down to rest.
With no words left to say.
I give all I have left to waste.
The Fault is My Own.
How hard could it be to take my first step?
“Come to mommy, you can do it.”
“Oh you're home. Hon, look at him go.”
As I take another step, he picks me up.
He hugs me tight but gently and kisses me on the cheek.
I feel so safe, loved and happy. Perhaps that's how it was.
(I really don't remember back that far.)
How hard could it be, my first day at school.
My mom meets me at the front door of the building,
hugs me and says, “How was your first day? Did you have fun today?”
He comes home after a hard day at work and mom says,
“Hi Hon, it was Den’s first day of school.”
He picks me up in his strong arms and says,
“I knew you could do it.” A hug and a kiss on the cheek.
How hard could it be to learn how to drive a car or a truck?
“Den, come with me. Let's take a short ride down the road.”
We both climb up into Dad's blue 1955 Chevy pickup.
He stops on the back road, gets out, comes around and says, “Scoot over. It's
I start the engine, push in the clutch, shift and we start out slowly.
I'm nervous, I speed up, clutch in, shift again.
Oh crap, I shifted into reverse, truck stopped abruptly and backfired.
Dad looks at me, “But you did it.“ He hugs me, a kiss on the cheek.
How hard could it be to go away to college?
I'm so glad she has a phone so I can call my mom and dad.
“Hi Den, how are things going? You've got a B average.
That's great. I knew you could do it. I love you, see you soon.”
“You met a girl? What's her name? Wow, see you soon. I love you”
“You want to marry her? Big step; in Holland? Okay, we love you.”
How hard could it be to have a family?
“Oh, it's a girl. Mireille, that's a nice name.” He hugs me, kiss on the cheek.
“Another girl, Michelle, that's a nice name too.” He hugs me, kiss on the cheek.
“You finally had a boy, Michael, good choice.” Hug and a kiss.
Birthdays, holidays, weekends, visits back and forth, phone calls.
He loves them all, unconditionally. Hugs and kisses all around.
How hard could it be as life goes on?
He watches them grow up, get married and have children.
He loves them all, unconditionally, hugs and kisses all around.
We take short trips and mom and Dad go with us now and then.
We go camping and mom and Dad visit us now and then.
Every time you left, hugs and kisses all around. Always, “See you soon.”
His life was a long one
Full of pain,
The way he dealt with it all,
Was to write.
As a young lad writing comforted him;
When he felt lonely or sad,
Stories of great adventures or lost treasures,
would flow from his pen.
From a lad to a man,
The writer had become a prodigy
Highly regarded by his university,
He began to write deeper, with more feelings from within,
Stories of love or the meaning of life,
Now came shooting from his pen.
The years went by, the man continued to write
His writings were now garnered with great fame and through his age he gained experience,
Learning now the reason he wrote was because of the sorrow and loneliness of which consumed his past.
Not until he lie on his death bed did he realize the life of a writer is one stricken with such great sadness,
Next to him his notebook lies hiding the hidden meanings behind the words, the secrets of his lonesome past.
The rest of the pages left to be unfilled
For the time of the the writer has come to an end,
He lies in bed
Happy at least his words left his pen,
For the world to cherish.
She sat alone.
She was quietly, singularly eating her dinner.
It was a large, cold restaurant with lights that were too bright and too many empty tables.
She ate slowly, silently while staring out the front window.
She was in her fifties and appeared to be good at taking care of herself.
I saw her and wondered "when did she become invisible?"
I wondered if she ate out every night--if this was her way to be part of the world that did not see her.
Did she work all day and then go home to emptiness? Had she ever been married, had children, lived a life she regretted? Had she always been true to herself? Did she believe in God? Did she believe in love?
The world didn't see her.
The world lost sight of her so long ago.
The world had other plans and she did not have a role.
When did this happen--her Eleanor Rigby existence? Did she even know it happened?
I watched her as I walked past her table to leave.
She didn't see me.
I had become invisible too.
The nurses rushing
like bushels of people in Grand Central Station.
I was in a crowded room,
Yet I felt so alone.
My world had stopped.
Soon enough, the rush was over
and everyone seemed to be dejected,
yet my countenance
filled with confusion.
Why were people passing me
with glances of sympathy?
Now I know,
my world had stopped.
The constant “beep, beep, beep,”
had faded into the silence.
The heart monitor that was once
doing jumping jacks had died.
Now his world had stopped.
His skin was cold
like the breeze rustling the leaves.
The blanket had a nice fold
keeping his tiny body covered.
Not one breath
was yet to leave his chest.
Not a dream
his life was ripped
from the seams.
His world had stopped.
While I diverged
from the rest of the family,
I walked down the white hallways
where the cries still lingered.
The staff had doffed
their masks and hats,
some bowed their heads,
while others eyes glazed
deep into my soul.
The world had stopped.
There she is the false image standing quietly
She is just standing looking at a beautiful flower
She notices her passion of earthy desire
Something is happening she burst into the sun
I look up as her hands grasp my face
Her sea blue eyes gazed at me
Her warm hand and then a bright light blinded me
I went down on my knees and cried
The salty water dropped on to the ground
I live by the ocean so deep
I do not know how to swim
By the thought of a beautiful look
That made me shake
With fear in my head I saw those Sea Blue Eyes
I cannot restrain myself she burst into the sun
What is going on is it just the feeling of being left behind
She was a desire and now I have none
Driving nuts and insane what will I do
Believing such a image is a dream
I walk on the sand by the ocean with flowers in my hand
Raising it to the sky and trying my best to lure her
The image came close
It pulled me into the ocean I was soaked
What a lonely human being I am
I grope the sky with such desire
I look pitiful and look anguished
What horrible feeling I have to pull the beauty that is nature down
The wind blew one day the image once more appeared
A young woman standing beside a flower with deep Sea Blue Eyes
Looked at me a glance of hope and happiness came
I reached for her and all of a sudden I fell into a deep sleep
Months past they had told me that I jump off a cliff
They explained that the flower patch was by it
I realize heaven and earth cannot be reached with out a sacrifice
With meaningless thoughts I would wonder of to the cliff area
To see the ocean were it meets and ends
I was told a story long ago that the feelings of the ocean can seep into your soul
The trend of this story came shortly after some deaths
I was fooled the lady with the Sea Blue Eyes can manipulate anyone
Ladies and men, she is an illusion of the utmost desire
Blaming everyone human kind knowing they are lyres
The ghostly images that creeps everyone is oneself
Desire falls upon those who are lonely
Believe of the unnatural becomes science
The Sea Blue Eyes is no lie cause they have been taking souls
Through century they have been taking souls for tolls
I stood once again near the ocean reaching to the sky
Lonely I was ready to disappear
One day she not the lady of the sea it was the one I knew
I was blessed that day she embrace me
I then fell into a slumber of bliss and desire
Now I just hear voices and I am paralyze down
A disappointment I was fooled once more by the Sea Blue Eyes
To be continue.
The truth was, we very well could go back,
But there was sudden authority and determination in his voice
It was the first time I ever respected Benjamin
The first time and only that I ever liked holding his dirty boy hands
“Well let’s go, scaredey cat!” I giggled, ripping my hands away from him,
Running up the stairs crazily,
I heard his voice at the bottom but I didn’t care
“LAURA…. WAIT! DON’T GO WITHOUT ME…”
I reached the top and stopped,
My chest heaving, my fear returning
There was a double door here, and it was wide open
What I thought was pure darkness coming up the last stairs,
Was evidently not as pitch black as what lay beyond that double door…
“Ben, get…” My voice disappeared…
I felt strange, like I was in a trance…
The hollow humming was deeper now
It sounded like a well with lips whispering unknown truths…
It sounded like…slow dripping…dripping too…
And it echoed…fading….and returning….
I heard Ben behind me, and I knew he heard the dripping too
Without a word, I slowly walked inside the pitch blackness…
I walked inside, seeing silhouettes of strange objects,
Some human-like, others oddly shaped…some pointy, others smoother
I touched the blade of a sword-like object
It was cold, heavy and nice on my fingertip…
I heard Ben groan in fear
“Laura let’s get out of here!”
I continued walking, disregarding Ben’s panicky pleas
Till I was glued to a very certain position,
The dripping purer and clearer where I stood…
“Laura….look…” His voice was trapped in complete horror
My eyes, getting used to the darkness
Fixed in reverential wonder and bewilderment
I slowly looked up,
And there she was…
It was a statue of a woman, surrounded by the darkness…
As I stared at it, her face became clearer and clearer
She was sad, she was intelligent, her face showing no alarm
As if she expected two stupid children to come and explore her strange abode
She was a fountain…the dripping… those were her tears…
Sliding down her perfect cheeks…
Falling into the dark crimson waters below
Why is she crying…..
“Tears of blood…”
Ben screamed and pointed beyond the statue
A bright glow from afar suddenly surrounded us
My heart pounded out of my chest…
There, beyond between two blue and gold silken curtains
Was a bright white cross… extremely clear and crisp….
Petrifying in size and stature
I was frozen, as if I had become like the objects in the dark
Benjamin grabbed my hand and dragged me out of the room
Behind us I heard the wailing of the statue woman in pain…
Beyond child labor…past many lives as I would ever know
She sobbed in sorrows beyond our youthful imagination
The last thing that I know was real was running down the staircase
Ben screaming, “Did you see that!? Did you see that!?”
I hushed him and said with strange maturity,
“You broke your promise Ben…”
He looked at me like I was a loony…
“What the heck are you talking about?”
“You said no one would see us Ben…
But you were wrong…”
We never spoke about what we saw up there…
In fact, he never really spoke to me at all…
Sometimes we choose to be traumatized, even scarred by our past
I see even my strangest, most frightening experiences
As enlightenment, self-discovery and sacrificing illumination
Assurance that we are always being watched over,
By entities large and small,
Ancient architects of fate
Even in the growing darkness they are there…
Even through bleeding tears…they are there……