My heart was in such pain
I felt like I was going to go insane
I just don't know what to do
And my eyes full of tears that distort my view
I fell to my knees and felt the urge
My muscle tighten and pin needles struck me like a surge
My body was warm and with feelings so confused
My mind felt sadness had fused
I could not conquer my fears
I just sat down and fell into tears
When some close to you passes on
It felt like a warmth has gone
So I raised my hand towards a box that was empty with no tissue
I first was embarrass and had a little bit of issue
All my friends hugged me and said sorry for your loss
So now I cry in my bed and toss
April 14, 2013
Insomnia, familiar friend,
crawled into bed this summer night
so once again, inflamed with dread
I wander now in pitch of dark
and touch the places, now by heart, that sprawl unstirred by weary minds
This lonely place, where I used to come
where armless grief, and headless doubt
and worry filled the rooms
I know you cold, my land of oz
So ruthless do you change your face
into a place I once refrained
But, don't pretend to make me fear, toxic robber of my sleep
I've known you much too long
You masquerade in shades of gray
And now I know that dark of night, is not the blackest thing
And room by room, I'll play the game
until the light of day
The shadows magnify your art
and though they magnify my loss of sleep
and while I've tossed and turned in vain
I've lost the lonely albatross
that pulled against the grain
From hooded thresholds I embark
to find a language of the dark
A liquid language of a mystic night,
that switches on the light
I've walked the halls of ghosts I knew, and those I hope to meet
I've felt the stares, and shared myself, no secrets left to keep
But not tonight, familiar friend
you bask in myth I understand
I'll fill the tasks that need my hands, until the light of day...
For Leonora Galinta's Contest
~~~Being for the Benefit of Mr Kite~~~
An all round performer was Mr William Kite
He trained and rode horses, but also walked the rope tight
He worked for Pablo Fanqué the Wells Circus owner in 1842
But his work gave inspiration for John Lennon to do.
Mr William Kite would never have dreamed.
That his skills as a performer would inspire a song theme
As he performed on his head, while balancing on a rope
A trumpet in his mouth, and he played a damn fine note.
When he was with John Sanger, who was equestrian minded
William appeared for a spectacular night, the poster has reminded
The celebrated horse called Zanthus was even there
With Mr William Kite to perform - boy what a pair
This poster impressed John Lennon so...
It inspired him to write about William and the show
Being for the Benefit of Mr Kite, the poster does show
Inspired quite a few lyrics as all Beatles fans will know.
What they may not know - but I am impressed
There is a man called David with whom I am blessed
He is the great great grandson of William by whom Lennon was inspired
But better than that David is my half brother it has so transpired.
The Beatles Album Cover is "Sergeant Peppers Lonely Heartclub" which potrays the poster of Mr Kite
Love is prominent but lies are still troubling the arch in my back is still aching thru my core/ To calm to peaceful Today not enough appreciation from you
You make me feel less important.
How many more audition do I need to perform for you?
Your Personality changes like the weather negative energy creates “Thunder and Lighting”
Your Ego is higher then the altitude in Denver
You are the weather that changes everyday I never knew when its cold are warm
Today I was prepared for a Sunny day / But like the weather you change unpredictably have me puzzled just wondering Why?
I was not prepared for your precipitation/ you never allow me to grasp your feelings never appreciate my love you was only obsessed with yourself and not my heart. When its cloudy or rainy outside my vision gets a little blur and fuzzy when you are around.
Meteorologist Predicate Sunny and warm air with the chances of early morning cloudiness’
There’s a dark place
Dawn has never been
Only pain can see
I hear your candle
Drips of discontent
Your beaded breaths
Night's naked din
Thoughts grow cold
Scent grows dim
Window of hope
I feel your footsteps
Your cheek against mine
Rain bled palms
The emptiness of wine
Rust creeks by
Shadow grows thin
Dust of tomorrow
If I learned to speak
If you broke my fall
Could I touch your face
Widow on my wall
Travelling on the road for business gets old fast. The inside of one hotel room starts to look the same as another in any town you name. When you travel by yourself it becomes even more mundane. Customers, clients and/or prospects all have their own after-work lives waiting for them and seldom include you in their plans. So, as you depart at the end of the business day you are on your own, in a strange town.
You do get used to exploring cities, towns and suburbs on your own. You figure out how to avoid always eating in the hotel restaurant and you master the art of dining alone. For men like Josh, that usually meant eating at the restaurant bar. Even though he seldom ordered a beer, wine or other alcoholic beverages, the bartenders were always a willing party to chat with and enjoy some semblance of human interaction.
On this particular occasion, the trip was even more difficult than usual because Josh was having trouble at home with his wife. Whereas, some may think it a blessing to remove yourself from the situation, it just made Josh feel even more lonely not being able to talk to her to try to work things out. So, after putting on his happy and buoyant work-face all day to keep the customer satisfied, Josh donned his fedora and walked out the front doors of the high-rise office complex onto the crowded and lonely city streets.
The fedora was a relatively new addition to Josh’s wardrobe. Not many men wear fedoras any more. Josh’s wife thought he would look good in the hat and surprised him with it as a Christmas present six months ago. Josh was still getting used to wearing the hat, but received many compliments on his appearance while wearing it.
Without even bothering going back to his hotel room, Josh slowly strolled around the city streets lost in thought about the situation with his wife and wondering how they might resolve the loss of passion, the loss of caring and the loss of love in their relationship. Finally, he stepped inside the doors of an enticing pub to get himself some dinner.
The bar in this particular establishment had plenty of stools available to pick from. Josh sat down on one and placed his fedora on the empty stool next to him. On this evening, Josh started off by ordering a beer.
I didn't know hearts could speak until we crossed part
I was walking home, carrying a heart laden with the grief of my brother’s death
My mind straddling from the nostalgia of our bonded brotherhood
to the thought of what the afterlife would deal him.
You were seated at a secluded corner, carrying your hearts in your hands
And crying out your eyeballs, wishing if God could bring back your father’s life.
Upon that lonely and rejected wood we, dejected souls, sat cursing out death tirelessly
For taking away our beloved brother and father.
That day, I heard my heart speak for the first time; my heart exploded in awe
And I felt I was captured under a spell; I saw the aura of glory in your eyes.
It wasn’t your exquisite awe-inspiring beauty that got me lovey-dovey
But the natural calmness in your voice as you told me your stories.
You reminded me of the fabled Arabian princess.
My emotions turned into Janus- one reminding me of a lost brother
The other, quite domineering, nudging me in my veins never to let you go.
You saw the magic in my eyes; you felt the same way I felt
We were marveled that fate brought us to meet on a lonely path.
With your amazing pieces of cakes you re-awakened my dead love life on your birthday
Your cakes were brilliant; you made them from magnificent range of fruits and spices
The smells were superb. The aromatic smells of the cakes cooking in the oven and smearing your kitchen sent us to an early bubbly romance.
We became lovebirds; your crystal steaming room, neatly furnished with vitality bed,, made for only two- us, was our love nest; we enjoyed every of our love bites.
That night, you made a tipsy cake; we dined and wined while the stars watched over us
We sang to our ears; every single love song we played, we made ours
We danced while we got intoxicated on our own supply
And before our eyes the night closed its nocturnal doors.
Under your winter blanket were two figures, glued in carnal brash adventure, wishing the moment would never end.
I prayed tomorrow never to come. Alas! Uninvited, the Morning woke tomorrow up
Under the blanket, we watched the sun set.
But tomorrow came Janus-faced; with a vice we never wished for- impassioned jealousy
It tore us apart; pulled us away; and took away our precious moments
But I still carry in my heart those precious moments.
The sky looks dull
the wind feels dry
gloominess, i see
when i pass by
the trees stay still
and birds sleep long
in this town of gloominess
i once belonged
heading my way home
i cant find that street
where i carved my name
on a huge hollow tree
have they left and gone?
did they take my tree?
which i myself grew, with that little seed.
i call out for people
a passing girl i see
and shout to her the utmost
hoping she hears me
no one, ever replies
how arrogant human being
my heart beats fast
i feel lone and tensed
my reflection i cant see
and the wind i dont feel
people dont reply
and now i know why...
the clouds rain and shower
the birds fly away
people in their houses
and im on my dead way
where the days arent bright
and the star dont shine at night
the wind u never feel
and a heart not capable to heal.
when i left
i took a piece of you with me
i thought my leaving would
make me forget you
but i was wrong cause
you were always on my mind
my leaving you did not
change anything because
i still did the same things
we used to do together
only you were not here
to do them with me
even when i was gone
i would see you everyday
in each step i took cause
our paths were entwined
together and you were the
reason i was living anyway
now am left wondering
why did i leave
I was born in a world of poverty and soiled life of a third world country
The way I lived till I was five years of age was walls of boundary
These walls had towers of guards that had no heart or care
If a child would try to climb the wall they lose their life I swear
Father had drank and threatened my mother with a knife
My father lost his job and wife and that was the hardship of life
He stopped my mother from taking off with me in her arm
Hoping that my father would ignore and left me be with no harm
When my father went off to drink one night and came home with rage
My brothers stood by my crib and took a beating that set up the next stage
My father had woken up to three scared children half starved and in pain
His final words as he walk away from the orphanage gate live life do not go insane
I was still a baby in the orphanage; the caretakers did not really care about the babies
They stole items and materials those wicked men and maternal evil ladies
They starved all the babies because it cost a lot to keep them alive
As a child of that age I could feel the sins and greed that gave out bad vibes
I was ignorant about what I drank and ate, as I see white maggots move in my bottle
As I see them move I thought about how they were playing and some were hostel
They ate each other to keep each other alive in a manner that took me by surprise
In the back round I hear others throwing things with sounds of painful cries
I got very strong at a young age I was able to start pulling myself up over the cage
My feelings were to see my brothers with strong lungs that I cried out of rage
My two brothers came to see me and sneak food into my crib
The caretaker would find the food in my hands as they grabbed it and hit me on my ribs
As painful as it was I kept eating the food with blood in my mouth as it was instinct
I sometimes laid in my crib dazed and confused with smell of death so distinct
With all my might I kept myself strong and climb the small wall
I finally was old enough to get out of the building and I could hear my brothers call
With tears of joy with short legs that ran as fast as my heart
I ran to my brothers arms and held their hands to have a new start
I grew stronger everyday but more things came into my life in a manner of dismay
If my brothers stay by my side I could smile and everyday their would be okay