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Narrative Depression Poems | Narrative Poems About Depression

These Narrative Depression poems are examples of Narrative poems about Depression. These are the best examples of Narrative Depression poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Narrative | |

The Rose

Once bloomed a rose so young and fair
With dark brown eyes and long black hair

Beside her be a tall dark tree
Whose branches stretch to smother thee

Too close beside the shadowy bark
That soon begins to leave its mark

She cries for help, but none shall hear
Her thorns too sharp, who’d dare go near?

To save this rose, who’d risk their life?
With naught to gain but pain and strife

Alone, afraid, she lays to rest
Her heart beats low inside her chest

And with the hour growing near
She sheds her final grieving tear

And so the rose soon falls asunder
Her final day, eternal slumber

She lies beside the old dark tree
The only one who mourns for thee


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Love on Her Arms

I see who you are
Behind the clothes and smile.
I want to help because I care,
But that’s just not your style.

Alone you roam the streets,
Independent and strong.
But you’re stuck beneath the sheets,
As another man comes along.

I wish I could make a difference
But you refuse and move along
All you see is imperfection,
And believe you don’t belong.

Your beauty knows no end
And your heart has no bounds
So many messages I wish I could send,
But you’re stuck beneath the clouds.

I look forward to seeing you again,
Even if you don’t care.
You’re on your own again
And all I can do is stare.


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Evacuation and Loss

The night shone for the full moon,
Sky brewing a coarse monsoon,
Bolted were windows, locked were doors,
The frequency of death frighteningly soared.
But who was this infant high upon the hill?
He denied the storm and just stood stone still,
Eyes shut like blinds and fingers dug into ground,
Felt he could move no muscle, for was sadly street bound.
Shutting his eyes, arms wrapped tight round
His skinny body, battered and browned
Praying for the sake of friends, family and all
However imaginary, he imagined them call
 “Boy, come to us we love you most”
“Our love for you is bigger than the Canadian coast”
“Do not cry, remember our love”
Joining their gaze in the beyond above,
He softly mumbled a song to forget,
The once daily song that was always a duet,
Alone on that hill without any feel,
Of an afterlife he finally accepted, wasn’t real
Tears met the floor, now bathed in yellow light,
As lightning struck him too quick to fright,
Child lay on the floor, dismembered and black,
Though his mouth was smiling and his happiness had come back,
As re-joined with family, head held high, 
He waved his tortured existence goodbye.
Hugging his mum and his dad the same,
Somehow put an end to the incessant rain,
The natives emerged from their homes, safe and sound,
The boy crying for happiness at the new life he had found.
Soul peering at his body, dead at age eleven,
Holding family’s hands they could finally pass on and join heaven. 
The touch of their skin brought old emotion,
 Parents who were torn betwixt war and devotion,
A child whom they gave their best shot,
By train to board and bomb to not.
The grave of the boy with the electric crown,
Who carried a burden he couldn’t live down,
Stood proud in the yard of cobbles and stones,
For everyone knew those were a heroes bones,
When you look into the sky on a stormy night,
Remind yourself of the boy’s plight.
As he is the clouds that damper weather,
Out to protect his town, children altogether,
He wanted a life for them around,
That didn’t consist of being mentally wound,
A life that he could never possess,
But he did not bathe in spiralling depress.
Life is sacred, upon that hill,
Those cobbles and stones bring great goodwill,
For the sun only shines on that grassy land,
Still holding marks of the boy’s humble hand,
Some say that the yearly rain,
Is him up above, the tears of a chain.
The chain of the tears shed on that night,
Of the fear and happiness’ conventional recite,
Up above, being tucked under the covers,
Is a little boy with an injury he recovers,
Mother kisses his head and says her goodnight,
Father over bed, comforting a nightmare fright.
Drifting off, the boy could hear,
A little rhyme to calm his fear,
“Boy, come to us we love you most”
“Our love for you is bigger than the Canadian coast”
“Do not cry remember our love-“
The young man rose slowly in his bed,
Opened his eyes and smiled as he said
“I’m here”


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I'll cry tomorrow

Sitting dying alone,
In this dark and dingy place 
It has now become my home..
The only open bar 
In town, I needed something to heal my broken heart
I'm on my 8th round, Going on Nine now!

Swaying on this broken bar stool
As the bartender shouts 
his “last call”, As I'm looking down
and this shuffled ground
As I try a re step my footsteps home
Walking them back In my head
But I'm a stumbling mess

My heart feels like shattering glass
I'm slowly breaking,
Sink-in, Drown-in in the dark-nest
I'm Gasp-in, For breath, Each one Hard-er
than the next!
While the whole world around me are breathing
Fine, I'm falling back into the abyss, 
Broken heart-ed 
This vodka has cut my skin so deep
This broken glass with it's hard edges
Digging, Silting into me
Tho some of my pain was self inflicting 
My heart's beat, is barely beating
That's why I'm drinking
This gin 
Now swallowed, why cant I
swallow my pride With
Dignity, I'm openly seeking darkness 
I'm sorry farther “For I have sinned”
Those sin's I've harbored
Now my hollowed soul's giving In
To that darkness....

My body trembling ,The outcome's looking bleak
I've become so weak
Shaking knees, I can barely stand up
My eye's become teary 
They say its this alcohol that's depressing me
But it's soon becoming my dependency
I'm finding hard to leave it be, I'm hooked....
...To a drip, Anything so I can get my fix
It’s another chapter I've my book
That''s needs to be ripped, Apart
Because I'm hiding be-hide a mask
My face is smiling but inside my heart is scared..

I'm writing this at night 
I'm tired... but my mind's racing fast
while my eyes are wide shut
I'm Trying to sleep..but my mind's
Not giving up..whilst
I'm lying on my friends sofa
I'm unable to get up
Morning rises but I'm slowly dying..

I'm hung over
Pondering on my life and wondering
what it would be like being sober
How can I achieve anything in life
When my only motivation is getting high
And the other half of the time
I'm crying inside 
Too depressed to write
But I wipe my tears 
But I'm still here, On my bar stool from 9 to 5!

The same broken record playing
Saying “I'm going to quit” But I'm not facing
My problems to begin with, I need a Fixative
I'm not telling myself I got a problem to be able to fix it!
Sitting here, Ripping the label off this toxic beer, bottle
I can't look at look at this mirror and face him!
Face it you hit rock bottom...
I cant believe what I have become
I wake up drunk
Where will I end up?
As I look along, A sedimentary I come a pone, A grave with my name above...

As the bar door's are now closing
My heart's ripped open Soaking
In pure emotion
Bartender “Give me two more shots”
And ill mend my way's
Not before a quick pit stop 
To get more drink from this shop
Because I'm getting sick of these sad song's that play
From the broken jukebox!
Or this it me?
And my pain that's eternal bleeding
Thinking that every sad song is talking to me?
I'm leaving.. 

Because I'm lonely
I wonder if anyone get's me?
The feeling of looking back hopelessly
At the bottom of the vodka bottle
Describing my feelings of feeling empty!
I've been here before so it can't be rock bottom

The only thing I adore 
Is my trusty red Pen that's my Savior 
It's a metaphor...it's my blood, That's in its ink
When it hit's the paper
It's that pain, I'm writing with!
Because that inspiration's bleeds through my veins
Just for me to scribble to words on this page
Just so I can throw them away!
Because I think anything I ever do 
Is not good enough for you..
Maybe I should do, More before I get taken away
Maybe if that ambulance had been late
I wouldn't been standing here today
But I still cant make that change

Because My vision, Impaired by the flashing lights 
Of that ambulance
So If I die, today 
At least they couldn't say 
He was just an addict
Who abused his talent...

But I'm still here I tried To drown My 
Sorrow
But I'm Drowning In tear's That I'll cry 
tomorrow!


Details | Narrative | |

Sorrow

She sits alone 
She draws her knees up to her shoulders, hugging them tightly
She shivers in the icy wind 
Her teeth chatter and the stream of tears from her eyes, sting her cheeks 
As she lifts her head towards the heavens, 
Her eyes burn with pain and her piercing scream, barely human, expresses her Excruciating 
suffering and anguish

She is gripped by immense sorrow, the most powerful and destructive emotion
It roughly envelopes her, throwing her into a pit of darkness, filled with evil shadows
The shadows claw at her, ripping into her flesh like daggers
She shakes violently, tasting blood as she bites down hard on her bottom lip
But she feels no pain, her body is numb, numbed by the demons of sorrow, who, 
Are slowly overpowering her, devouring her heart 
And locking her in an eternal web of pain

She is engulfed by fear as the intense sorrow surrounding her, compresses her
She gasps for air as the merciless hands of sorrow close around her throat
She fights in her lonely vacuum, with everything she has
She reaches for her only comfort, her fingers coil around the blade
As she stretches her arms out in front of her, her void eyes gaze upon her pale skin
Her skin is etched with scars
Her scars an eternal, entwined, tattoo of her excruciating suffering
As she runs the jagged blade over her skin, its cold feel calms her
The compressing sorrow surrenders
This is her saviour, the one who can release her from this life of pure hell
Her skin begins to open, the river of blood flowing strong
Her pain is flung into the open, through her wounds, 
Leaving a sense of tranquility in her distraught heart

Her red stained fingertips caress her raw wounds
She is mesmorised by the life force flowing from her, as it paints 
Her tragic story on her body
Painful tears bleed from her eyes as regret shudders through her
She rocks backwards and forwards, lulling herself into a sense of peace
Her body is drained
As she lies back she becomes limp
Her eyes close and her whispered prayers fill the open air,
Creating the painful melody her heart sings
As she slips away

Thunder roars and the starry heavens open 
As God’s tears rain over His beloved daughter, 
Healing her wounds and piecing her broken soul back together
As the sun rises above her, 
It illuminates her peaceful expression
Her earthly father collapses besides her
His silent tears wash over her beautiful, pale face
As he lifts his dead child in his arms, 
Vicious sorrow rips his heart apart, 
Creating wounds which will never heal


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Sacred

Here, the Leaves Engulfed themselves 
in Glorious Golden Symphonies 

Here, the Trickling and Tepid waters
Silked over Smooth Stones

Here, is where we Lay for Hours,
Together under oaks shadow

Here, you enjoyed brief Slumber as
I Ran my fingers through your Hair.

and it is

here, I keep you Sacred, as I lie 
Alone within the Shade.


Details | Narrative | |

The Phone

The phone rings empty into the night.
Filling a void that brings strange comfort
to thoose around.

Rage eats away untill it bores a hole
straight through are hearts.
Whiskey cauterizes the wound.

Alone with fools we gather.
The bitter ones taking to there barstools.
the weak look to punish thoose happy
bastards.
Who dare to feel anything in the place of  
emptyness.

She left so many years befor.
At least her mortal soul did.
I rememeber when it was when I still
dared to dream.

Long befor reallity was a friend.
Lovers lie.
Motions keep us living.

She spoke but the words were empty as her heart.
So as strangers we parted just as we met.
With a bitter taste I never did reply.

The phone rang it's last time.
I herd it echo farewell down the hall.

I had to go so I never unlocked the door.
i just left my emotions hanging  like some
forgotten coat pushed back in
the closet.

Its been almost a year since that phone filled
the emptyness of my soul.
If only I had answered.


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The Empty Tissue Box

My heart was in such pain
I felt like I was going to go insane
I just don't know what to do 
And my eyes full of tears that distort my view

I fell to my knees and felt the urge
My muscle tighten and pin needles struck me like a surge
My body was warm and with feelings so confused
My mind felt sadness had fused

I could not conquer my fears
I just sat down and fell into tears
When some close to you passes on
It felt like a warmth has gone

So I raised my hand towards a box that was empty with no tissue
I first was embarrass and had a little bit of issue
All my friends hugged me and said sorry for your loss
So now I cry in my bed and toss


April 14, 2013


Details | Narrative | |

African Child

" From the debt of my heart"

The African child
Sat behind the bamboo fence
He was sober and tense
Sputtering and wondering.
He forsook the bush meat
And the gathering under the moonlight
For sobriety and the causes of his uncertainties.
His clothes were like dried leaves
His feet like openings in the eaves
He longed to see a brighter tomorrow
He clarified the causes of his sorrow;
Sins of the father,
Fighting not to make things better
Therefore darkening the weather,
Making his destiny falter and bitter.
Tears exuded from the sound of his flute,
His fears enlarged like a parachute
But one thing he never understood,
Watch and pray, oh! African root
For your foundation is stinky, filthy,
Faulty and guilty...... watch and pray.



Details | Narrative | |

America, Why Did You Stray?

America, why did you stray from the old way.
A constitution put forth, the foundation of our land,
barely recognizable what was originally Jefferson's hand.
Tarnished and smudged by misinterpretation,
overindulgence and greed, to satisfy political,
judicial, and journalistic need.
Once majority rule, now bordering on ridicule,
the law of the land, ever changing, meeting demands,
of whoever takes a stand.

America, why did you stray, parents unable to discipline,
fear children undisciplined now rule, school in chaos,
students unruly, guaranteed to pass, unprepared for their future,
parents unsure, wish for the past, hope the next generation,
won't be like the last.

America, why did you stray, streets used to be a place to play,
neighbors knew one another, socialized every day,
doors left unlocked, nothing to fear, families stayed close,
helped one another, took care of mother.

Now drugs rule the day, hate and crime more common than play,
multiple locks symbolic of today, rarely talk to a stranger,
living in fear; life no longer precious, taken away,
day after day, the bloody count rises, a country in crisis,
victims pay, guilty appeal, courts give them the best deal.
Nobody protests for victims rights, put a murderer to death,
they scream all night.

America, why did you stray, hatred and bigotry alive 
and well today, nationalities split, long for the old way,
when an American, was just an American, now hyphenation,
the accepted way.

America, why did you stray, once an industrial giant
you gave it away, too high a standard for industry to pay,
moved out of country, the new American way, unemployment,
poverty, homelessness rapidly increasing, ruined lives,
while billions are spent on so called allies.

America, why did you stray, what's written today,
barely address the wrongs building every day,
religion is accepted, God is not,
country divided, politically split,
presidential bashing provides journalistic wit,
hatred and bigotry, live for it.

America why did you stray, new chapters every day,
really a damn shame.


Details | Narrative | |

It's not about You {He is the One} (2)

Young and Old: It is time to
                       wake up;  Young America, there comes a moment in life were it is coherent
that the close eye's of supply and demand will offer a challenge that shall seperate the boy's
from the Man's. And to add to this remark, Women, whether you are white, black, red or what
ever choice that place's you in the catagory of demand. Your emotional fortitude alway will be
an issue, the supplie's of your womanhood, is that the challenge's of tomorrow supercedes 
any challenge's of yester-year's because the cause's of determination are often misunder-
stood when both sexes's think they are above their nature and their attitude is to be conc-
ieve as "good". But, "It's not about You". Old, middleage or new, a generation of viper's it is
not about you, not about the clothe's you wear or the self proclaim existence of your supply 
and demand. He spoke everything into its proper order of importence, now the evil beast  
[satin] and the self centered thought's of people's, have the forces of impurity been given to 
a society that's compel to do what they want too do. "Is that You".
Satin: has taken over the Churche's:  God created life: Mankind in its procurement to out-do
the essence of God himself, have accepted an abonminable disrespect unto himself and who
are the one's that suffer: Our Churche's, as an uppity blandent society of worshipper's, that
knows no God, has allow itself that the place of worship has become a dend of permissive be-
haviour. "It's not about You". It's about God (Jehovah) the name of Emanuel speake's that he 
is the Lord of everything. And the attitude of the peoples can not change one thing. With eye's
wide open and the spirit of love is resussited in generation upon generation recieving the
blessing of the Son; Young and Old, Shout-Out the cidditiness from your lungs. Accept and
believe. "He is the One".

Let the Bible speak's: Forasmuch as ye know that ye were not redeem with corruptible
1 Peter 1 18-19         thing's, as silver and gold, from your vain conversation recieved
                                by tradition from your fathers: But with the precious blood of
                                Christ, as of a lamb without blemish and spot:


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He's more than just a friend, { He is the One} 1

The pressure and pain in each other's family of another friend that slips away and now
you find yourself in need of someone to talk too.  And in each family and every of the
thousand's that you thought was your friend is never the same.  "He's more than just a
friend".  When one need to be uplifted and the need of the same thousand seem some-
what drifted, the one that truly is in need gets lost in the shuffle.  And that shuffle is re-
onerated by one's pride and greed, that same someone shall never have the proper
necessitie's too satisfied that need.  The Lord Jesus Christ promises friendship mix with
courtship would always equal a divine relationship.  "He's more than just a friend", for I
once was lost but now I am found, the one's in need of an uplift will not find it, because
the idiosyncrasies we compound in our live's is due to the burden's that we allow to keep 
us down, we turn to someone who we thought was that friend, only to be disapointed time
and time again, the price of which is discarded by the poor.  "He's more than just a friend,
maybe that's him you hear knocking at your door".  If that be him....then let him in, a
friend indeed is he, clousure than any somebody that you will meet having church on any
street.  Muhummed nor Buhda can be your friend.  For they were not annoited on the
criteria of love nor do their belief's allow's being friendly to folk's that marches to the beat
of a different stroke.  Now if you are still in need of a friend and you're not ashame to
call upon his name.  (Call Him) He would come to you from all direction.  Just believe, on 
that day of ressurection, more than just a friend got up and got out, SHOUTING!!.."All power is mine". 
"So now all everyone".  "COME"
And meet a real true friend.  Believing on Joseph and Mary's - Son.  {He is the One}.


Details | Narrative | |

While I lay

Lying in the enclosed walls of my room
I used to think as I lay all night and day
everyone else around the world
also slumber
But no! all I see is not all there is
Somewhere somehow, at the same time
lies other boys with great imaginations
that keep them awake
Somewhere somehow, its afternoon in
another nation, and within its boundaries
live other passionate savvies making
every moment count
While I make excuses for the time loss
some millennials with the same idea I had
and ignored months ago, are working
tirelessly to make theirs a reality
Somewhere somehow, while I lay wishing
and waiting, an army arises taking fearless
steps like they have nothing to lose
Somewhere somehow, an age mate is
earning so much just by using their talent
for good
While I lay, legends with so much
achievements still lie awake because they
feel there is still so much to do
While I sleep,the clock doesn't.


Details | Narrative | |

Shut Your Dirty Mouth

Tonight I thought I shook off a roach. Swore I felt it approach. Imagined it crawling down
my throat. My Dad came out from the den and asked What’s Wrong? I said, Nothing, I’m fine
when I still felt bits of dead roach nesting in my spine. That’s Divine.

I feel the Holy Spirit in me tonight. Jesus Christ! I must have done right! Don’t come
near me, I’m contaminated, clearly. Oh, God, need me! So that the sky doesn’t turn black
every time I look up to seek your advice. My chips are stacked, I’ve got them wracked.
Roll the dice six six six every time. On my Dime. I think I may have crossed the line.
Maybe I’m sick. Maybe I’m not hip to this.

Maybe I just need to settle down. Take a breath. Take a pill. Sit real still. Stare until
I become comatose blare my music so loud that my eyes become brazen and I can’t hear what
you’re saying.

Do roaches bite? I wonder at night. As I hide beneath the covers that used to shield us
from one another. Protect us from the evils in this world, bring no harm to little girls.
Now they just cover up old condoms and dirty food crumbs.

Numb. Numb. Numb. Can’t move. Limbs feel numb, limbs feel wrung, limbs feel slung,
stammering and slurring like grandma after her stroke.

This is a joke. The world’s a joke. We’re a joke.

Then why aren’t we laughing? Why aren’t we guffawing until our paws fall off, our mittens
become smitten and we cough up our dirty lungs with joy.

Oh boy, here I go again. If this is a joke why aren’t we laughing? Why aren’t we guffawing
until our paws fall off, our mittens become smitten and we cough up our dirty lungs with joy.


Details | Narrative | |

Depression has taken over me

Hurting inside feel like I am about to cry Like anyone cares that I am dyeing inside I feel 
like I could disappear into thin air and no one would that I wasn't there I could leave 
tomorrow and see that none would know  that I was even there they would cease to care 
Life is about living for today not tomorrow  but no one told me  that it would be filled with 
so much sorrow I feel like giving up and calling it quits because there is nothing  here in 
this world I'm in well I said my piece I said it all now I feel like crawling up into  a tiny little 
ball well that's it that's a wrap it's the end of the show oh wait it's not a show it's my life  
well go on think what you want to think but I lost my Hope and Faith and it's not a 
mistake it's the story of truth being told I am hurting inside that's no lie because now I 
have just died a little more inside


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A Slight Return

Darkness is my life that apears in
light.
Has it come to just another fix.
The smile does conceal my losing fight.

The music the screams within.
The lies eat away at the man I can no 
longer stand.

Hollow is thy heart.
Crimson stains all that is never held in
hand.

It started a game now it's a curse.
In darkness I speak to you
all I could never say.
The man once known to you.
Has all but faded away.

And as I slip into adictions abyss.
Candle lit memories were taken
with the breeze. 
That killed that romantic glow.

As the stranger who exists in the form
once you did love.
Twist's into a form you cannot understand.

I ask out of love for you to forget.
The monster that haunts this form.

In memories true love we will forever know.
The emptyness of of this life.
And the once splendid candle lights glow. 
In truth we die. 
As we live. 
So must we cry. 

Not every every question has a answer my friends. 
Gonzo.


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DESPAIR

He despaired. He was despondent and desperate.
He was impelled to violent action but restrained from acting out.
He had finally given up. He had lost all hope.
Disheartened and dispirited his will had collapsed.
Lacking confidence or courage, depression defined him. 
He languished in gloom and grieved in lament.
He succumbed to a wretched tribulation,
a miserable melancholy, so forlorn was his ordeal.
He anguished over his prospects, so painful was his worry.
Desperate and wholly dejected the criminal faced his judgment.
As justice was served he fretted, ruminated, chafed, sulked and moped.
Now he faced the torment and ridicule he so easily delivered.
Finally he too understood the meaning of despair.


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Poetry As A Form of Therapy

The walls of the doctor's office
Are blue.
Blue is a color that's supposed to
Calm, to soothe.
The doctor and the nurse both have
Blue eyes.

They are telling me
About the magic pill
That will make 
All of my problems 
Go away...

The nurse asks,
"Don't you want to be 
Like everyone else?"
I don't answer...
Not immediately.
I ask if I can answer
Next time I come back.

I'm still thinking
Of those words...
Don't you want to be
Like everyone else?
If I hear-
If I hear lines in my head
Chasing eachother around
Like hallucinations, 
Hear voices speaking poetry,
Is this what it means
To be schitzophrenic?

Don't you want to be
Like everyone else?
If I start speaking with a ryhthm then
To speak in iambic pantameter-
Is this like OCD behavior?-

Don't you want to be
Like everyone else?
If I stay up all night-
Have you ever stayed up all night?
Have you ever gone outside
And sat in your backyard 
At 3am and felt how... peaceful...
The darkness was- listened as
The wind whispered love songs
And watched the sky
Until the first light of dawn
Brushed the sky's cheek
With her fingers?
Did you look for words
To describe the first kiss 
Of sunshine?
I've always loved
To write about
The sunrise...

Don't you want to be
Like everyone else?
I haven't written poetry 
In a month but
I still can't sleep-

Don't you want to be
Like everyone else?
I haven't written poetry
In two months, and
I don't know why-
I don't think I can, 
I think-
Maybe my heart broke...
I don't care if I see
The sunrise...

Don't you want to be
Like everyone else?
I slept for 15 hours straight
But I'm not quite sure,
It doesn't feel like I ever
Really woke up-

Don't you want to be
Like everyone else?
I just want... to write.

Don't you want to be
Like everyone else?
I wrote a poem today...
I wrote about the sunrise.
I've always loved to write
About the sunrise.

Don't you want to be
Like everyone else?
I know I probably seem
Tired at the moment;
People have been
Telling me that-
I haven't slept much
For a few days or so,
I've been writing too much
Poetry...
People keep telling me
I look so happy.

The doctor asked me 
Don't you want to be 
Like everyone else?
...No. I don't.
But I didn't say this. 
I nodded like
They wanted,
And then wrote
It in a poem-
The one place
I never have to 
Lie.


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Today

it hurts again today
i wake up in pain
tears flow
pain grows
no one loves me
all alone
please hold my hand
let me love
let me be loved 
make the pain go away
soon 
so i can stop crying on the inside
and live again
laugh again
be whole again
it hurts again today
go away


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Bloody Nightmare

A heart is broken and I am dead
Wondering when this pain will end
My heart will need to mend
Crying out loud screaming through blood
It soaks the floor I collapse in mud
Crawling slowly I cannot breathe
My vision is blurry and now I can't see
I hear a scream and demon bell
The world is now a freezing hell...


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Self Trephining

Lesions Spread Across His Self-Esteem,

Rupturing the Delicate Under-Belly of

His Thoughts.


                       - An Atom Splits Behind his Eyes -


She Dominates The Innards of His Marrow

Casing, Patrolling Every Corner. 

A Masochistic Dream Injection.


                       - Every Thought Incapacitated By Memory -


A Worrying Pain Began to Build Beneath

His Weakening Skull, His Worn and Bitten

Nails, Useless at Tearing Flesh.


                        - The Toolbox Opened With Ease -


The Screw-tip Stung as He Pushed it in Hard

Above his Eyes, Trickles of Blood Baptised

The Occasion.


                         - Pressure Relief -


His Fingers Squeezed The Trigger,

Piercing His Skull Like a Hot knife

To Butter.


                         - It Sank Deep -


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My Search for Me

Grey are the days that past by my eyes
and the nights are scary to see.
A pall clouds my vision each day I awake
which hinders my search for me.

Blank are the stares I see each day
when I look at the eyes in the glass.
Reflection of the one I’m trying to save
from this suffocating morass.

Lost I am as I travel the road
that I hope will lead me to salvation.
The forks in the road are far too many
and my heart pounds from palpitation.

Deep into my mind do I bring my search
as I desperately try to see.
Yet twisted and tangled my thoughts all seem
as I still keep up the search for me.

In the eyes of my child I do see a glimpse
of something that makes me believe,
in the hope that I have something to salvage
as much as my mind tries to deceive.

The hands of my friends reaching for me
to help though I don’t even ask,
tells me that I do have my good inside
and I shouldn’t take myself to task.

But as much as the signs and the help I receive
give me a glimpse of the person I know I be,
I have so much pain and confusion in the way
that it’s so very hard to find the real me.


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Me, Myself, and I - (Part 1)

Hello Friends... I suffer from Severe Bi-Polar Disorder and this submission was inspired by 
actual events that occured during one of my especially critical manic episodes. Be sure and 
read Part 2 to complete the poem and leave your comments on the Part 2 submission. Thank 
you for allowing me to share my pain for pain shared is pain diminished 


Me, Myself, and I...


“There are things that concern us,”
		Consensed my “Selves” in earnest
““We” fear that “I” have succumbed to delusion”

“And after careful deliberation
		It is with much hesitation
That we choose to delineate upon this confusion”


“Fact is your intuition
		Is riddled with superstition
And your judgment leaves much to be desired”

“So you leave us no recourse
		Don’t push us to use force”
It is then that the “I” was summarily fired


I exclaimed “By whose authority?” Response, “Rule of majority”
“The “Myself” and the “Me,” (forthwith the “We”), are experts in our field”

“And with much technique and time
		And some forays into the sublime
The nature of your malady will be revealed”


“So to keep yourself from having a fit
		Step back and just calm down a bit”
“We,” they said, “certainly have this under control”

“We swear this won’t hurt at all”
		Then I felt my inhibitions fall
Still I said a prayer to God that He keep my soul


You know, fact is I do feel off axis
		As evidenced by such parapraxis
As this prose that I, (or is it “Us”), seek to pen

And with my mind feeling numb
		I finally chose to succumb
And allow the “Me” and the “Myself” to begin


And then came questions in a flurry
		Answer, answer and please do hurry
Not one moment of respite did they give

They pushed and they prodded
		With every “T” crossed and “I” dotted
My mind felt like it had gone through a sieve


And all this psycho-analysis
		Is causing my mind paralysis
The questions, can you stop with the questions please

“Yes, oh yes indeed
		I do believe we have what we need
To make an attempt to identify your unknown neuroses”


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Me, Myself, and I - (Part 2)

Hello Friends... I suffer from Severe Bi-Polar Disorder and this submission was inspired by 
actual events that occured during one of my especially critical manic episodes. Be sure and 
read Part 1 first so as to get the true gist of the poem and leave your comments here on the 
Part 2 submission. Thank you for allowing me to share my pain for pain shared is pain 
diminished.


Me, Myself, and I... (continued)


“Your, (Or “Our”), symptoms seem to intermit
		And the fact that “You’re,” (“We’re”), a hypocrite
Tis no wonder we’re having such problems with diagnosis”

Then “I” had an idea so grand
		To dispense with this at my own hand
A self-inflicted coup de grace would be my prognosis


So while the “Me” and the “Myself” squabbled
		With courage newly cobbled
“I” spotted the dresser drawer and made my run

With fingers fiercely fumbling
		Whilst they continued grumbling
“I” produced from the depths of the drawer a shiny gun


And now my life, though ill-fated
		Was soon to be vindicated
This would affect us all equally the same

Would be no myself or me
		No you, him, us, or we
But an inclusive all would be to blame


It took me a moment to figure
		Out the safety on the trigger
Then “I,” (or “Us”), prepared to do the dirty deed

Then the barrel found my temple
		And as it settled into the dimple
A still small voice did my “selves” choose to heed


Hence a moment of clarity 
		Harkened me to posterity
And I thought what a legacy to leave behind

“Can’t we all find a way
		To save this miserable day
And avoid a broken body for someone to find”


And then deep within my soul
		I felt and heard a simple drum roll
And the differing sides of me just subsided

And with my mind now as one
		I worked to get this all undone
The whole business of this stuff I derided


And tis now true of fact
		That I survived this ordeal intact
And lived to raise my face unto the sky
 
And here now as it ends
		I find I’ve made good friends
With the “Me”, the “Myself,” and the “I”


Thank you for taking the time to share in my poetry. Please feel free to leave your thoughts 
or comments here on this page. 

J. Scott Burns...


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Don't Take My Kindness For Granted

You think that you know me
But you don't know at all
Every day you say your sorry
After that I fall
I hate it when you lie
You think your doing good
When all you cause is pain
Just tell me that you hate me
So my life won't be in vein...


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The People Around Me

Things seems to be very clear,
When actually felt it is unclear,
What really seems to be clear,
May never ever be clear for ever.

Your help for others,
May be to be appreciated,
Or taken as what is called,
to be uncounted.

My question is clear,
Why the help for others,
Is sometime never appreciated,
However it is always delivered. 

In response to ethics,
lingers in my mind the answer,
To help others is not to be recognised, 
But it is to be called someone, 
Who can be respected.

To all, continue to help,
Not to to be appreciated by others,
But to be respected by yourself.


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In The Dark

Walking alone in the dark
All is silent
Until theres a snap of a twig
Hands come from behind
Holding my neck
I try to scream
Noone Hears
The hands grow tighter
I give up fighting
I take a final breath
He lays me in the bushes
My body cold and still
Noone knows who did it
They probly never will


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A Spark of Hope

A little girl lost her home this year, for her, Christmas wouldn't be there.
Her family was angry from all the troubles, they simply couldn't repair.
Don’t bother us about presents her parents said, they were depressed by their fate.
With bitterness they said, you’d be lucky to have dinner tonight, or even a plate.
Life was harsh, nowhere to go, anger and fear had put their souls, in a terrible place.
The little girl had found no hope or joy, lurking near their old car, of late.
The car was their home, gas money was scarce, and with few places they could park.
Yes, their troubles had slowly extinguished, that precious hopeful spark.
Without that spark, they’d never find their way, from this terrible place of cold and dark.
And life’s darkness grew deeper nightly, as hope vanished under a reality so stark.
Even the very fiber of her family, seemed to be shattering slowly, slowly, apart.
The child felt alone here in this dark car, as sadness tried to engulf her little girls heart.
The future seemed filled with hopelessness, as shame and dread, were leaving their mark.
Embarrassment to be seen and turned away, made it hard for them to reach out, to restart.
But life goes on, and we can’t fear to rebuild, or the future will be hard to impart.
The girl suddenly declared there’s more to life, and she wouldn't let it conquer her heart.
She decided triumphs will come, and all will get better, if she held to that hopeful spark.
Seeing the desolation and anger here, she couldn't stay around, she had to get away…
So she climbed out of the car, and she walked into town, not so very far to stray.
She went and looked at the store windows, where Christmas was being displayed.
The music and people filled her heart, lifting her spirits, deep inside, that day.
She noticed a store, way down at the end of the row, on the next block, where it lay.
No one was there, it seemed lonely, and the darkness was again, spreading it’s decay.
She ran there in time to see an old man closing up, with sadness on his face betrayed.
What use were his goods, if no one would shop, or come down along his way?
The super store down the block, was daily making him lose more and more in the fray.
He could no longer afford to hire people, and the season had very little time, to stay.
As they talked the girl saw that she couldn't let the darkness take another, so she prayed.
Then she told the old man, if he’d open the shop, she’d bring customers down his way.
She added, she’d find reasonable workers, if her family could live upstairs, she portrayed.
First bring the customers, he said, and the rest will be yours little friend, he conveyed.
She had him put his best toys, as a contest prize, and to add lots of lights on the display.
He set a contest, “Winners-the best collectors for families in need” on Christmas Eve.
He put out a bright contest sign, but still nobody came to his end of the block, to survey.
So she had him call the Salvation Army, for a kettle, Bell ringer, and Carolers, who came 
Lickety split, their way.
Then she had him call a dear old friend, and farmer, to bring a tractor full of bails of hay.
Another volunteered his horse and sleigh, both, to see the city lights thru New Years Day.
This was a great idea, since the older drivers, could use the help, for their bills to pay.
The girl ran all over spreading the excitement, and to come see the prizes, his way.
The families suddenly started heading toward his door, and to those wondrous rides.
At that moment her parents came, and she explained what her hope, had improvised.
Her father talked a contractor into building a disabled family a home, to help advertise.
He could get a tax break; come to this store for supplies, and hire unemployed workers, he devised, so wise.
In the end, each night grew brighter, because of a girls hope, and heart-warming delight.
And the old man began smiling for the first time, in a long, long, time, starting that night.
All was saved, a home was found, and another built, as a sad little girl taught grownups to smile along the way… 
You might say, A Spark of Hope lit a candle, then a raging fire, which was burning bright by Christmas day.

The moral to my story is:
Never give up on Hope; it’s your best friend, as life brings its troubles your way…
Know that with time, a good heart, good will, and friendly ways… 
You can find God’s gifts again, if you don’t let the dark take you away…


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A Land Bearing Green White Green

Which way leads to the 
land of green white 
green?
Which way are we 
heading?
   A country the wicked 
bears the rulership, and 
the people sighing 
continuously.
   A terrible thing sprouts 
beneath the sun: a 
pregnant woman 
delivering not.
Imps come to lime-light 
by snuffing air from the 
goose that laid the 
golden eggs.
The blind guiding the un
blind.
The weak suppressing 
the strong-a terrible 
thing.
Like the overthrow of the 
gods at Mt. Olympus by 
the Titans.
A country where also 
thieves appear as men of 
integrity.
Land of green white 
green,which way?
A land where the 
enlightened ones are 
overshadowed and 
peanuts given to them.
The masses are dogs that 
eat the crumbs.
 Which way to go you 
Land?
Iliterates stand on 
podium of power 
bellowing orders as milk 
of sorrow known as 
dividends of democracy 
is passed around.
The machine of progress 
manned by the 
unproductive.
"There is better 
tomorrow" we hear.
Land of green white 
green,my country 
where rule of law walk 
beside anarchy.
The proles are sentenced 
to adversity,and there 
endured death-like trials.
Chai! Aru! People 
dancing on thorns 
whimpering as they 
throng 
along.
  I see a new sun rising 
from the horizon,hope is 
rekindled as its rays 
grace on hopeless bodies.
 Look!! there soon be 
change!



Note: 
This 
is 
poem 
full 
of 
Nigeria 
political
 angst.


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Midnight Again

Its midnight again, TV on
The sofa becomes my bed
As the confusion of our lives
Fills my weary head

At times I drift off
And think of days gone by
How I yearn for yesterday
So bad it makes me cry

Other times I feel just like a kid
With something new to share
And you put your soul around me 
And tell me how much you care

At times I think its working
Like I’ve finally met the mark
And all too quickly it ends
And I’m alone, on the couch, in the dark

Why can’t it all be the way it was
That day on top of the hill
Am I really as bad a person 
As you can make me feel


Inside I try so hard
Outside it seems I don’t
I want to meet your needs
But I don’t know what you want

I try to be your husband
Your lover and your friend
Somehow I never am
And I find myself here again

I try to be a father
But those efforts just backfire
Somehow I manage to destroy
Everything that I desire

I ask myself, “Is it worth it?”
Why don’t I start anew
And after hours of contemplation
Just one answer, “I love you”

And resolved to that end
I lay my heart to sleep
And I pray the lord
Our souls together he will keep

A silent kiss to you and the kids
In hopes of a better day
As I close my eyes to dream
And let my troubles drift away 


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Noises in my head

Unless you understand ,
What it's like to have noises inside your head 
Loud sometimes buzzing ,always keeping beat.
They say to have tinnitus is temporary you see
But when I have these noises, they envelop me.               

Lose my concentration, 
Cannot sit and think.
Want them to stop buzzing. 
Like cicadas on a tree. 
Constantly building intensity and force.

I feel that there will come a day
When I stand some where and scream
Tell each and ever person
To remove the sounds I hear
For once nothing would be good.

I know it's my condition
To listen every day 
To buzzing crackling noises
That never go away.
If I'm lucky they diminish. 

There not as loud as some
Days that had me crying
Wanting just to run
This is my affliction 
I battle every day. 

Because I let a surgeon
Roto root my head
He was supposed to fix my sinus
Not turn on headphones
Buzzing every day. 




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True Valentine

True Valentine
By Nate Spears
Published 2013 in “Death OF A Rose” By Nate Spears

A lost woman the mirror reflects
Young; and it’s apparent
I can see it in her eyes
No focus and childbearing
Just ass, legs, and thighs in mind
No marriage

If she knew better
Learned better; and
Wanted better,
He would show her a better way of living
Instead of dealing with cowards
Seek a man with moral and merit
He’s stealing your joy
He’s bringing you pain
Removing your youth
He’s playing games

The truth at heart is
Reality should be your first thought
Loneliness is not your fault
It’s a part of life for most
Don’t let it destroy your values 
Just wait,
You’ll find a true love to treasure you.


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This Prison

I feel like I am trapped.
This hell, 
this place of torment,
that never ends.

I fear I will never 
get out.
Never get beyond
the grasp of here.

I feel I live in limbo,
existing, but not living.

My decisions are not my own.
My actions are made based on
others.

Yet here I stay,
without having anywhere
else to go.

I do not like anything about this,
I wish I could fight against it,
but what are the consequences?

Where could I go?
How would I live?

I want out of this place so bad,
these walls confine me,
this containment kills me,
I really hate this prison 
I am in.


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It's a Wonderful Life

Don't let the title fool you,
life is nothing close to wonderful.

I am starting to loathe this
thing called life I am living.

Sometimes I wish I would
slip into a coma until
death took me.

I really don't think many 
will really miss me.

I feel I don't matter to anyone
outside of my family.

I am tolerated,
shown a gesture,
when I am stand in 
someone's presence.

I wish I could live
the movie for a few minutes.

See if I really make a difference
in this world,
in the lives of my friends,
or acquaintances. 

Maybe I could see rather or not
I really mean a damn
to anyone.

Maybe it's best to consider
living this life alone.
It's what I do best.

I just wish it was more of 
a wonder life.


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Don't Leave Me

I can't imagine being alive without you
I can't imagine what it will be like when your gone
I don't know what I'll become without you
Maybe I'll just run
Run away from everything and leave everyone behind
Maybe I'll find a way to be close to you
Because I won't believe you died 
My heart will ache so much more 
Tears will always run
My eyes will hold the wisdom 
That you bestowed upon me young
And my recklessness will be noticeable
People will wonder why
Why am I running when the person I needed most died
How can I face my life when I can't do anything right
I won't believe you have gone away
When God decides to take you
I'll still come by your house and always expect an answer
I Love You Gamma
You Taught Me About My Heritage  
Please Remember Me When God Takes You
Please Guide Me In the Right Way


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The Night is Upon Us

Darkness is upon us, let it creep upon you like the ghost of the stale blue night.
Let it find you in your most time of need, but let It not destroy you in its fight.
Because night is upon us, and it waits  to find you like its prey.
Just may it be where your cold bones lay in the pits of despair.
Let it be where your last breath is taken in its cold lips of air.


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My Hidden Fear

People are my weakness and hidden fear
I just feel that some words they say set me in tear
For example I gave a person a smile one day and they gave me a glare
I did not know that smiling in the world today cause people to stare
These types of stare gave me chills down my spine a feeling that made me blind
Why? why is my weakness the people who are very unkind
Hiding is all I can do when people give me a unkind view
I get to a point that my fear seems to wonder and stew
People are who they are and what should I even do
I don't understand that they are evil and some times nice too
My hidden fear are people just because they are always around
That is no argument and my feeling are perfectly sound
The hate builds up in my mind, but does not bother, how my heart feel
I learned to undergo a change that my feelings become like steel
Hard as it should be in situations needed I forget how to use it
So it becomes my weapon and it is to some people heartless just a bit
My hidden fear is what I see in people today
They harm others and they think it is okay
That is why I fear my feelings for others at times because it is so confusing
My hidden fear is some what bad and some what a blessing


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ROAD TO FSLT

                                                                                                        written:may/30/2009
You must go,yes!
 
Go against slumber,
 
When even early birds ignore worms,
 
But the falling thorns purnish gurus
 
As the roaming anti-mother blanket kills faint gurulings.
 
Here we march marshals,
 
Along grumbling swift paces,we shall!
 
Walking-yarn appetises expectations,
 
Since many paths leads to the road.
 
Diverging to coverge,we must!
 
As swarming of the apocalyptic plague of the book,
 
Brushing along all along that belongs,
 
Into the shipping tower,we all plunge.
 
Now blinking sea-eyes of a naked mind,
 
All beholding spoons for a bloodless war.
 
Its too late to retrieve and hot to hold.
 
An often dreaded monster you face,
 
Must in "Government call" retire.
 
Yes! warm to hum,
 
like a soldier into war,
 
triumphant but not victorious.
 
When asked why? we say,
 
this is the ROAD TO FSLT.
 
                         BY:TUTUOLA MICHAEL


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Dead Man in the Curtains

Death hides in the curtains as it creeps upon you in the night.
May it find you at your strongest, as it always finds you at your weakest.
Let it come fast like a thief in the night, and let you be blessed. 
Death watches over you in the mist of the night!
May it watch with kindness and dispair, as it holds its dagger back.
Let it come slow like the last drops of blood come, and emotionally
Death is here and its wakes you desparetly in the early morning.
May it take away all happiness and sorrow, and let it be fast
Let it be your last, as the dagger of love and temptation,
as it drips away your last few seconds of life.


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A shadow of a man

A shadow of a man

As the sun brings joy to others
I look forward to nothing
Pillow on my head, I will sleep through all the nightmares and enjoy all the sweet dreams
No longer the captain of my life
I will forever go everywhere the tides take me

A lost ship, with no one on board
I have done it all, gave it all
Now I sleep, eat and drink
At least I can still do that
I am nothing but a shadow of a man
All hope lost, no more a rising star
No man but just a shadow

I play to every tune and beat of strangers
I reckon no more to the voice of reason
I will forever die in my righteousness
I will swim in my sorrows and bath in my pains

I am who am I because I chose to be
Maybe one day I will rise
Rise to my full potential
But for now I am just a shadow of a man. Not ready to take on the world, not ready to make any changes
Not ready to shoulder any responsibilities. I am just not ready

Written Tawona Ranganawa


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Lost in Loss

The fog hung thick about him.
So thick he could shove it aside.
It clung to him,
As young love clings to an even younger kiss.
An enduring memory, that in deed was all to brief.
It wrapped him in a sense deprived embrace.
Foreign arms in his all too familiar and fragile world.
Shaking the perilous cliff,
That his courage balanced upon.

He was suddenly assaulted,
By the smell of burnt pine and hemlock,
The sound of burnt and hacking screams,
The sound of a monster roaring... Consuming.
It's frame lit up the world around it,
And in the process forever darkening his.

He approached the long dead skeleton.
That once was his home,
The purpose he once had,
And the void that had replaced it.

The grey film soon broke.
The sun stretched down to bathe him in the clarity he had once known.
Reaching to help him.
But, the light was always reaching.
Trying to break through, dampened isolation.
The fog, perpetually inside him.
Dampening the fires that once brought meaning,
Embracing him... taking from him.
As it once took from him.

The fire of life that had once given him purpose and meaning,
Now just a smolder, continually dampened by the fog
Taken roost in his soul.
The fire of his life, his fate that had looked so bright,
Devoured by the worldly conflagration made
Of heat, 
And wood, 
And screams.
Now just a charred skeleton of what once had been.

He called to his daughter,
With the pain of cagastric ruin,
"Come on, time to go."
Now just a smolder of what once had been.


-Comments are appreciated.


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Christmas Rebels

Christmas Rebels
It was about a weak
After that night walk
The unknown dangers, 
Made known, turned me weak,
I was managing myself,
After my heart was pulled,
From where it sank,
I was yet in the oven,
Of my haven,
To dry up the coldness,
And the wetness, 
Of that fearful night loneliness,

Today is Christmas,
The whole mass,
Was joyous,
Every home, glorious,
Meat was plenteous, 
Rice and beans.
Was every homes means,
Children bouncing in,
New goat skin jackets,
Mother’s dressed in costly
Beads and all the way,
Father leads.
For Christmas had taking over,
Taking over the African Shrine,
It supplied a joyous sunshine.
Our pockets were full of cowries,
Like a goldmine,
Happiness was mine,
For the usual war seemed 
To be hidden, and our teethes where like, 
“Forever opened”.

Oh! Joyful, blissful, plentiful Christmas.
Providing joy each time it surface, 
But joy has a slender waist that breaks so soon.
Christmas night came, so we visited 
Our beds as night rang it’s bell,

(To be continued in the next, same Poem).


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My Legacy

My ancestors came here long ago
Tough and strong not weak
But somewhere down along the line
Something went terribly wrong
And now I have to sit here and deal with my legacy
Of not what I thought it would be
Not where I choose to be right now
The legacy that’s me.

I can’t escape the past
The memories seem to last
Of the horrors of what has come before
The graveyard is the place
I can see it on my face 
My family’s legacy of suicide 
is haunting me.

My generational legacy
Is it going to kill me
Or will it just let sleeping dogs lie 
And allow me to exist
Will it allow me to just to see
The me that I am meant to be
To live beyond my years
To grow beyond the tears
To handle all my fears
To defy what could have been
My legacy.

(November 13, 2010 Wausau, Wisconsin)

(c) Copyright 2010 by Christine A Kysely, All Rights Reserved 


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Moving on

When you are in a quandary
When nothing seems to be working
Your sweetheart wants you no more
But only through words unspoken 
An attitude brings forth despondency and dismay
A payback  with the blackest ingratitude
Yet, every attention is worth the trouble
Yet for every disdain a million sorrows
Free but in bondage
Inflicted by self
Happening in a cyclic fashion
The meeting point is in the pocket
All troubles put aside for one brief moment
Alas only very brief
Another stroll in the landscape of sadness


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A Tangled Web

Nearly empty inside, my life fading fast,which direction should I take.  Starring blankly at the T in the road, an important decision I need to make.

Sinking fast in an empty sea, scrambling to stay alive.  Struggling just to stay a float, loosing the will I need to survive.

Paralyzed in fear, afraid of moving ahead, leading a life of disappointments and defeat.  Locked down in chains, nowhere to go, caught in a tangled wed of deceit.

With a soul that's damaged beyond repair, displaying every intimate and personal detail.  There's humiliation learking around every corner I take, highlighting every moment I have failed.

Drowning under piles of secrets and lies, slowly suffocating with every breath I take.  Trapped behind the burning flames of hell, it's a gamble with my life as the stakes.

All of my stability and security stripped down, exposing every secret I tried to hide.  Running now on auto pilot, defensive mode my emotions I'll keep buried deep inside.

Where do I go from here, the damage can't be erased.  Reality sets in a little to hard, when it smacked me suddenly in the face.


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It Was Me

You were taken to soon.
Ripped away from us.
You knew it was our final goodbye.
But the truth was hidden.
With a tear in your eye,
There was one last goodnight hug.
I wiped away the tear,
Then smiled and walked away.
By the time of the morning light
It was already too late.
You were gone and to a better place.
Never knew of your acknowledged your pain.
Of your suffering
Sometimes I wonder,
"If I only cared more
Would you still be here?
If I only hurt less,
Would you still be here?"
I'd deny it if I could.
But inside we both know,
I am the reason
You went away.


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Damn Shame

Shame on you. Shame on me for letting you. Making me love you like this. though I shouldn't complain, love is of the gods, and you are God's gift. I digress, because every gift comes with a curse. I wanna enjoy our time under the sunshine, our nights under the moonlight. While we have happiness before it gets worse. Shame on the one who created thee with beauty and intellect. My first and last thought, I can't recollect another image from my memory. Shame on my eye sight. If I never laid them on you; I'd have nothing to remember you by. And epicly I have failed as I procrastibate believing I hear your voice calling for me in the dark sky. Shame on you! Because everytime I make a mistake I judge myself losing confidence, self respect and pride. Or maybe I need to feel shame? Because its my love for you that allows you to take your high heel shoe and catwalk all over my name. She needs to fill a void, he wants to be heard, he makes amends, to her it's the same song. Now she feels shame because you only get one good man; and that good one is long gone


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VIOLATED

 HELP! HELP!
 She is sinking,
 Sinking into the abyss of despair.
 Her brain is striken And her mind is stifled.
 She has been enervated.
 Her integrity is being manipulated,
 Irrationality acts as spring board to moral decadence,
 Opacity then entangles her efficiency
 While her eminence sleeps.
 She became vulnerable.
 Poor thing, she is raped, maimed and looted.
 Has she not been violated?
 Does her plight warrants a revolution?
 However, she demonstrated.
 She shrilled,
"No!", "No!"
 She pleaded with her predators.
 All these were to no avail
 Her future seems gloomy
 As the predators succeeded in orchestrating yet another tragedy.
 Engulfed in this evident realm of adversity.
 She sits and ponders
 With tears flooding her miserable cheeks.
 She then cried,
 HELP! HELP!
 I am sinking,
 Sinking into the abyss of despair.


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my 3rd favourite drive

My 3rd favourite drive was to see her
Only for it to be the longest drive home
To be once again in her arms and embrace her too
I knew what was coming 
I never wanted to let her go
Stability is so fragile 
Stability breaks with a word
Her mind state is a dark world
All alone she decided I'm not to follow
I could see she wanted to cry
Inside we both had many times

To be not good for a person
Is impossible when even in this outcome
Her presence makes me smile naturally
The talk of the future
The talk of ifs and maybes
Doesn't matter to me
I know what I have now
I know how to be happy again
Can you not see?
My life is with you
No matter what I choose
No matter what it is you do
My dream is to be make you happy too

Sitting in my car returning the way I came 
Over an hour to drive home
Easily felt like it was over two
The cd player in my car was purposely loud
Covering the sound from my phone
To my right an accident had occurred
Firemen and ambulances calming the situation
Shards of metal and glass strewn on the road
To my shock I felt nothing for the devastation
My only aim was to get back home

My 3rd favourite drive was to see her
Only for it to be the longest drive home


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The Forest

The Forest

I walk through an ancient, gloomy forest.
Everything is shrouded in a dark fog,
flowing over the contours of the earth.
Uncertainty floods my mind, warping what I see and hear.
In the distance, an owl faintly asks his question.
I spin around, again and again. 
Faint padding. The cracking of a twig.
Wind howling, fear takes my head. 
A flash of grey, gone as if never there. 
I flit about, glancing this way and that…
A faint moon reveals my horrors.
A half dozen wolves, grey and black,
crouching before me, ready to snap. 
I stumble away, my back now against a tree.
They close in, readying themselves. 
I unveil my dagger, but to my dismay and distress,
the wolves are like no other.
Transforming on spot, into those whom I love, 
I think, “Am I strong enough for this?”
Before I conclude, they strike with speed.
And before I conclude, my horrors are gone.
Before I conclude, I’m hearing Death’s psalm.


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Mourning Over The Locust Plaque

Some sounds like the noise of bees
Hovering around the atmosphere
Or like rain drops on our roof tops,
I opened my round window
The window of my hut,
I wanted to know
Why my sleep won't mellow,
All i saw was sorrow
As the atmosphere turned green.
The cassava farm was over shadowed
Banana plantation feebled,
Apple orchard struggled
Yet their efforts stifled,
Lemon grass for mama's herb withered,
Rose flower shattered and our 
Groundnut farm tattered.
Suddenly,the green army fled,
Tears exuded from my eyes
As i sputtered in pain,
Mother filled with melancholy,
Father tore his heart in grief
Villagers hope captured and crippled,
So their travail displayed as
Everyone mourned over 
The locust plaque.....



BY: CHARLES MELODY (LIGHTNING INK).   


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My Story Telling Who is this Princes

The night air made her feel tired
As she looked out side all the fences were wired
In the distance she hears crowds yelling
As she was to young to know they were rebelling
Father she asked where are we going?
Mother said to keep quiet and keep walking

Mother yelled in the night air
Father gave out a blank stare
They yelled run my princess run as far as you can
As that moment past her little feet pushed off and she ran
She ran to the nearest bushes and crawled into it to hide
She never smelled the air before as if someone just had died

As she lay on the ground under a bush she heard 
A loud yell in the distance almost to absurd
My name is Angelica, I am just a young girl who does not know 
Angelica just wants to live her life with help to grow
Angelica did not know what just happened she notice a figure in the distance
A little person just like her, a strong but gentle presence

Angelica saw the people who were shouting run off toward the voice
She was scared and she knew that she had to make a choice
Angelica fragile state was so confused and lost
She knew it will take burden on her at a cost
But in that moment of quietness a young but strong voice called out
Can you trust me just because? will you come with me with no doubt

My Story Telling  Together In A Strange World


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An American Warrior

An American Warrior 
please tell me why if you can
the reason I don’t have a right hand
my right leg is missing as well
all I can say is war is hell

I volunteered to serve my country
to defend it from harm
and to protect peoples in foreign lands
who wanted to live free from tierney

when I look at the news I shed a tear
at what my buddies and I gave
and all my brave buddies laying in their grave
was all for not

the country of Iraq is worse off today and falling apart
and will not survive
so I ask again
what did I give my right hand and leg for
for what for what I scream and shout
what was my sacrifice all about

please tell me if you can
my mind and body are in pain
tears fall from my eyes like an April rain
my body is not whole 
I am one man who is mad as hell

The way this poem came about is, I was sitting in my easy chair when these thoughts kept coming into my head. I wrote these words down. Some American Warrior Hero somewhere was thinking these thoughts I just happened to tune them in I have written 6 poems this way over the years. God bless our American Warrior Hero’s  Dennis Davis July 4th 2014
       


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Forgive

I saw you the other day we didnt speak
Thinking to myself how did we become this way
And remembered the times we had 
Our first kiss I remember
I was drunk but I sobered up
Realizing I was feeling outta place
I looked at you 
Though it took me a minute to see
Your the only one I want
I only wanna make it good
For both me and you
So please forgive 
If I pull away from you 
It's a defense mechanism 
I know not of what I do
Please forgive me if I want you like I do


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Burried Soul

Disgust, abhor and frown
has burried me deep down,
"Black Black", they call me so,
whenever they try to show me low!

If this is the world, where shall I go?
Has has my complexion brought me no friends but all foe?

With these burning eyes, I have seen,
how happy and pleased they have been,
when that white boy, joined their team;
their response to me was clean...
They threw me out right then,
tearing my heart apart; shattering my spleen!

Disgust, abhor and frown 
has burried me deep down,
"Black Black", they call me so,
to prove me worthless and low,
not only did they dismantle my feelings,
they also burried my soul...


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Silence

Sew my lips shut,
Never to speak again.
Every word I've ever said
Always comes out wrong.
I hear the screaming in my head.
All becoming too much.
Please will you all be quiet.
Just for a little while.
Walk away from the world.
Leave it all behind.
Don't look back,
Never turn around.
Forget the past,
And the future
Die in the present
Never to be remembered


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SHATTERING HOPES

My wrapper loose day after day
My motion and emotion unstable
I forget to think
But I wasn’t drunk

I remember in a trance
Stable I was 
My wrapper tight on my torso
Not divulging the firm breasts

I remember vividly when it began to loose
Days turned nights 
The sun withheld its radiance
I mourned unending

Breasts tumor I had
Oh! The pain hurts
One more ill has befallen me
A spinster at 50

Severally dumped I was
By men on trial
The life I live was wreaked
My heart fell apart

Picking up the fossils
Amidst courage and optimism
Dreadful incidence I traversed
Since my birth, early 60’s

Aargh! I’m bigoted
But utmost myopic
I wasn’t sleeping
Merely a spinster’s vision

When at 52
Men on trial returned
I had miscarriages
Pains were inflicted

53, I would be
The wrapper has slipped off
Revealing the sagging breasts
My legacy is gone


I’ve missed my menses
I’ve wept all day
I pled against miscarriage
But all hope is not lost
Because I’m pregnant!
																																	OMEBE RITA


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Drowning in The Sky

                 - Cutting The Rest of The Frayed Lines Slack With Pointed Rust -
              - They Fell and Tangled Into Themselves, Isolating Him From Entirety -
                                                                 
He Pushes a Little Wooden Craft into Water Rippled 
With The Night, and Climbs Into The Unsturdiness.

                        - The Ripples Take Him From The Shore -

Subtle Pieces of Jagged Rock mould themselves Into
Shadows, Underneath the Crescent of The Horizon.

                         - Voyage to the Dark -

He Can't Stop Thinking, He Can Never Stop Thinking.
Even in The Middle of Nothing He is Laced with Thought.

                         - Weight of Life -

It Burdens Him With The Tremendous Knowledge That
He is Forced To Live, Misunderstood By Love. 

                         - Camels Spine Snaps -

Purposely Damning His Own Vessel By Stabbing The
Floor Repeatedly in Large Thought out Punctures.

                         - Influx of Grief -

Drowning, Drowning, Drowning in His Little Wooden Boat
All Strewn Through With The Holes of His Ill Intent.

                         - Drinking Salt -

Struggling and Fighting The Liquid Soaks into His Lungs,
His Hands Start to Move Slower, His Legs Give Way.

                         - Ceaseless Struggle -

His Body Shuffles and Slumps Up Against The Stern,
His Vision Focuses on the Light Silking Through the Air.

                         - Radiating The Sink Holes -

When The Sea Had Finished Rippling, The Stars Were No
Longer Distorted and Cast Themselves upon it's Surface.

                         - Replicating Them Perfectly -

His Little Wooden Corpse Carrying Boat, all Strewn Through 
With Holes, But Surrounded By Light, It'll Carry Him Forever...

                         - ...Sailing Between Two Skies -












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Christmas Rebels (2).

But night’s bell came with tears and without love,
As our bamboo door talked,
“KNOCK! KNOCK!!”
Before my voice could speak,
Legs ruined down my door,
Then eyes in different heights
In the starry night like 
Torch lights… attacked 
Me with their voices.
They came in mass,
Some brandishing cutlass,
Some matchets, guns and arrows.
Gang upon gangs,
Displaying their flags,
Blood stained, tattered, hair, shaggy.
They held human heads for their 
Oracles of war.
They were muttering songs as if 
Forced to sing,
They had leaves and grasses in the 
Middle of their mouths, they were mostly teens, 
They were the Hausa rebels… 
“Wait! Wait!! Wait!!!
Where are the bells?
Is this day not Christmas?”
I was asking myself,
A short tick man came out of the mass,
Not looking like human,
He looked backed at the rest,
Feeling like the best.
He weakened my hear drums 
By the manner of his question,
“Hausa or Birom?”.
To send my religion to the bottom?
Whom for this day, is Christmas? 
And sweet Messiah’s Calvary at Golgotha?
I wasn’t prepared for that, 
So the truth came out like a blast
“Birom!!”.
“Yee! Yee!! Yee!!!
Enemy tribes” they shouted 
Like savage talking drums.

(To be continued in the next, same Poem).


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The Ferris Wheel and Being Bipolar

Riding so long, I feel nauseous
They won’t stop the Ferris wheel
My throat is dry and cracked from screaming
Stop!, Please Stop!
Up, up - ground shifting at dizzying heights
Down, down - crashing, stomach flopping
White knuckles from holding the grimy bar
Smell of metal and cooking meat all around
Creaking and moaning of hot gears and
Weight under tension
Unnerving canting and swaying of
A rickety car with black grease oozing from
Over-worked pivot points and hinges
Just another day at the carnival….
And being Bipolar.


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My Downfall

Power and Control was my destiny, I rose from the bottom.
Hoping to become more powerful than you could ever imagine.
But you were my only hope of stopping my madness and hatred.
My passion and love for you was my downfall, it was all for you.
Now I clinch the remains of you, what have I done?
Am I a disgrace, or a foul, for falling so low to you?
I love you, but it seems, the same cannot be said for you.
I killed to be with you, and let this blood be shed.
A reminder that my rise to power, came with its loss.
Let this loss be the the Dagger that I hold.
A dagger of love, which these hands still clinch.
A dagger which shall be the death of me, as it was to you.
  


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Human Hyenas

From the time of creation
Adam was brainwashed into
 Believing that he was the brainiac
Behind the Garden of Eden fictions

 Women got tired of men carefree life styles
They laid back personality, they sanctions,
And Most of all they diminished sex drives
It’s too late now, it’s too late now 

Too many wrongs, not enough rights
This world belongs to everyone
Not only Your average Tom, Dick and Harry
Men and women have lost respect for each other.
It’s no longer a man’s world theatrical standards
It's more of a mad, mad world with so much mental attitudes
“I was on first; “I was here first kind of society 

Some of us are human hyenas that 
take advantage in human suffering
Not so hard to believe… but it is the truth.
however, it is so hard to swallow


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Is That Too Much To Ask



I'm usually quite upbeat in all my poems So why should is this one be different Going to make an attempt to come down off my cloud And stop pretending everybody loves everybody I'm certainly aware of the ills of the world These constant flareups that have been happening Since the very dawn of civilization As a member of the human race I'm certainly not proud of our record Of constant conflict somewhere in this world of ours They say us guys are very territorial If that's the case, we'll never be able to coexist With people of different colour, language and customs We are bound to clash It's quite natural to have differences But why do these differences have to lead to war Why can't we sit down as civilized people And solve our differences We humans are a combative bunch at the best of times But the average person on the street Doesn't want war, just wants to live our lives in peace Provide for our family and go about our business All we want is to be happy IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK © Jack Ellison 2013


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Loneliness

Loneliness engulfs him
consumes him
like an arsons match
he ignites the bond
setting their relationship ablaze
now...that foundation
simply reduced to a pile of ash
in a distant haze

Loneliness entangles him
weaves thru him
like diseased roots of an aging tree
they wrap around his feelings
squeeze out emotion
and eventually choke the life
out of his reality

Loneliness is his soulmate
now...
and for all the years
joined together by selfishness and fate
at the expence
of someone else's tears
now, as the years drip away
they quietly disappear
leaving no trace
but landing ever so gently
and all to clearly
upon his lonely artificial face
though it's not by choice
that this partnership remains
but as a cruel reminder
of a love lost
and a heart tragically stained...

 


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That Little Boy Child

Staring from a distance that’s all I could see
A little boy child staring right back at me
His face had so much, so much to tell
“Oh world can’t you see that all’s not well”
There was emptiness, loneliness and prints of insecurity
Coming from his eyes that no one could ever truly see
I was greeted by an absence of abundant smiles
And playful tears drops moving in their very own style
His lips were stain with the saltiness from above
One tightly knit to the other like birds of love
Oh yes he needs a friend but who will that be
Who will be a friend and a true friend indeed
There was no attempt to help no attempt to try
So he was left alone standing so frail and dry
I couldn’t, I couldn’t, I really couldn’t take anymore
I just had to help that boy who was so bitter and sore
So with compassion in my heart and tears in my eyes
I reach out my hands to help the little boy child
But surprising he did just the same thing
Reaching to touch my hands that were aiming towards him
It was then it hit me like a batsman’s swirl
I was only staring into the mirror world.


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The Rope Never Fully Loosened Up


Conversation with older folks always Makes us think about How complex we are When asked 80 to 90 percent of older people How are they doing? Most replies are the same “Child I am just waiting. Waiting! For what To meet my maker” From the time we were born Plans were made for us About our life What are you going to be? When we grow up And soon has one become an adult Our thoughts about dying Frighten us You are born then you die Life might be simple for some However, it a race to get over unfairness of life I met my third grade teacher last year The first thing she said to me “Did you follow your dreams? A moment in an instant world I felt like she were in control ^ She is much older now However, nothing has change We born, then we die No matter how hard we try The ropes never seem to loosen >/center>


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God IS Real Miracles Happen

God Is Real/Miracles Happen
By Nate Spears


God is real, and miracles happen
Despite of his struggles 
The middle class poet kept on writing his chapters 
Times were tough 
But he didn’t give up
Unpaid rent 
Eviction notes 
His bills were overdue  
No water, no power 
He used GOD as his source; and  
kept on writing his chapters
Then came a knock 
He opened his door, but no one was there 
There was a note left behind, along with a white feather on his mat 
A rent paid receipt 
Plus full payment of his utilities
He closed the door quickly, and went back in the house to his desk
The pages in his book was flipped 
to a ending page he couldn’t miss
A inspirational piece was left behind that he didn’t write
It read this: 


For your time and effort given 
to lead and inspire, this is the final chapter in your book that I so desire.

I restored your power, to give you energy to write.

I gave you water again, for the tears shed on your writes.

I provided funding for your rent, for the priceless messages your poems present. 

Those sheets of paper have inspired many lives in need to vent.


I read the final chapter, and started to cry
I glanced out the window at a river of joy nearby
A rainbow appeared in the sky
Under covering my darkness  
There lies a ray of light 
No matter how deep life pounds
No matter how hard things get 
If you believe you can overcome
Just keep up the fight 
The battle is already won
Just believe.


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Empty House

Searching for a message, one that I could only see.
I looked in the closet, hoping for a piece of me.
Digging through a wreckage looking for the key.
Walking down these hallways, dark and incomplete.
Faded paint and broken glass, blood stains cover the floor.
Dead grass across a lawn filled with empty spaces.
The Clouds above grow closer, as Darkness takes over day.
Memories fade as the cold sets in.
Alone and Desperate for some hope and faith.
We die without knowing of our true fate.


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A missive from the damned to whoever have a little time to spend with this nonsense - Page 1

And so, I have made up my mind, once more.
I have decided to depart, to bid this husk farewell.
In order to do that, I must save coins if I desire to save myself.
For with it, I will be able to buy my ticket out here to a more blessed realm or the eternal void. Either way, I will be winning.
I mustn't, any longer, feel the starvation of affection and no more I shall be fed by the crumbs of fleeting joy they toss at me.

Thoughts of finishing are always in my mind, flooding it, making hard to go day by day, making hard to sleep, to have hope.
I fail to see where the hope is, I like to think that it can be find inside of one's heart.
But even so, I think I am mistaken, and when I glance at myself in the mirror, I quickly lose any spark of what could-be hope.

With the aid of the metallic sling, I shall leave this husf behind, heavy with its sins and sorrows, to no more nourish hatred.
For it does only to hinder my advance towards elevation.
With my metallic sling, I shall pierce, first, my heart, where lies the sorrow, then, my mind, where resides the sins.
Whilst the life in me start to wane, regrets I will not have, when my consciousness fade, my spirit will be no longer be trapped inside this imperfect cage of flesh.
Being free, my spirit shall roam far and beyond to, before, unseen places by men, to  untouched places by men.

Another day,someone inquired me "Are you happy now?" and for that I just said "Yes". How else could I have responded if not with a lie?
How could I tell them that I yearn for a premature closure in order to stop thinking and feeling but I also yearn for love.
"I am not absolutely happy, as per say, but I do suffer less when I am asleep" I could never say that to anyone...


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COBWEBS

Cobwebs The inner vision becomes blind When cobwebs clutter the mind With every thought of doubt A new thread weaves about You can no longer see The true sight of reality Your faith begins to slim You can only see the grim The self imposed web Deceives your life ahead You are in a tangled mess Full of weary with no rest The only way to get out Is to let go of the doubt Yes easier said than done Negative views hit everyone Be strong and take a stand Believe in the good at hand That God will see you through No matter what you have to do Take each step in life with ease As you live with inner peace Clear away the cobweb trend It will all work out in the end Florence McMillian (Flo)


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The Blues

When the British borrowed the Blues
from their American cousins
enhanced the genre, reshaped it cried it
the whole world took notice.
The Sixties a generation born
within the conflict of the second world war
endured the aftermath,
city after city, town after town
with avenues of bombed shells of what were buildings,
rubble once an entity of one’s 
relatives now reduced to a sanctuary of
wandering ghosts.
With every day commodities diminishing
the daily grind of queuing soon becoming
a national necessity,
this proud land now a realm of the
ration book, to signify a place of not so plenty
a coupon for this, a coupon for that.
While one’s pride channelled into the rebuilding
a populous scarred, physically mentally
took solace when their children broke out
and eulogize in the glory of
‘The Blues’


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Can you escape from death

It was in the days of Farhan
that death took the form of a man
and before your knell did toll
death usually gave you a call

Sitting in his parlour by the shore,
there was a knock on the door
Farhan jerked it open and beheld the sight
dressed in black and holding a paper stood he,
stood death!!

“Thy time has come” he sputtered
“for you are next on my list”
“so soon” cried Farhan
who had lived for four scores.

He whimpered and went frenzy
but death stood expressionless.
with laser in place of eyes,
he was nonchalant and apathetic

Farhan thought of his opulent garments
and his stupendous cars, and again he did lament
looking at death with tears baked lips,
he quavered “lets have a feast of my passin”

For four hours they feasted
but he ate and drank intermittently
while looking at death with deceit in his eyes
he watched as death ate to a point of stupor and fainted

Farhan dragged the list of names from his cold hands
and from top to bottom, he displaced his name
feeling happy to have tricked death,
he drank happily to his health.

four hours later,death awoke
then looking at farhan with gratitude said
“for being kind I will add your days to next autumn”
by starting reading my names from bottom.”

looking at the bottom of the list, he read
“Abongobi Farhan ”
then looking at Farhan he smile and asked:
“CAN YOU ESCAPE FROM DEATH”



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Purpose we are on earth

We are on earth to know To love Eternal God To do good according to His will And to go someday in heaven Human being means to come from Eternal God To go back to Eternal God The Truth is Our origins goes back farther than our parents Our parents are Eternal God’s tool For us to be on earth Sometimes we feel our Creator is near Sometimes we feel nothing at all So that we might find the way home Eternal God sent His Eternal Son Who freed us from sin Save us from the Eternal Father’s world destruction Eternal God, wanted to destroy the world Depressed People He created were sinning Eternal Son stopped Him Eternal Father is Yahweh Means “I AM” Eternal Son is Jesus Christ He is the Highest Priest of the Catholic or Roman Catholic Church We call Catholic priest, father Represent Father Christ He is the Highest Priest The Eternal Father is in Him Jesus Christ is Father Christ He is the way The Truth The Life 4092013


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Never changing

I’ve traded my final smiles for a rock and a rush..
Shooting my veins for death at thirty five.  
last chance to steal a detox from the county cause 
Everyone knows government checks don’t bounce.

Instead I wanna follow the needles of street lights all the way to winter haven Fla.  

Pittsburgh Dirt tells me the sun there melts your skin
Maybe I can drip on top of a burnt spoon,
And all the sick junkies can draw me through their cottons..
I’d do it you know, be a martyr,
No  more mom’s dreaming, then touching caskets.  

I wish I knew who crawled through my ear and blanketed my conscience.
Sarah R couldn’t uncover it, and she was 5-7 with C’s and a fastball.
Her prays linger, bounce off the ceiling fans arms.

Expectations hang framed on my bedroom wall, It reads university of Pittsburgh.
My four cornered nightmare. Do they still believe I can stop, forever, I cant; fathom a 
month..   

Blood actually runs clean through me today, but that doesn’t change desire
My purpose is to fade into my bed, cautionary tale.  
The only question left is who will write the end. 


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Where Do I Go

How can I move on from here?
How can I forget what I felt?

Yet I do not have it in me anymore.
My love has faded away.
I do not know why.

My feelings and emotions have left.
I had really checked out for good.

I thought maybe I would 
try again for her sake.

And now I have only hurt her more.

The silence in me kills,
tortures her so much.

I only want to stop this pain 
and end it for her benefit.

Either way, there isn't
a happy ending.

I feel pain, and my heart
burdens me for what is to come.

Because she will be overwhelmed 
with pain,
a broken heart,
and eyes filled with tears.

Where do I go from here.


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Poet In Exile

We live are words and if not were just typing.
Ive come to a crossroads understanding little or nothing of the game 
but knowing my place has been taken.

No longer in demand I sit with the other burnt out writers looking
back with grand dellusion and litlle hope for my return.
The dark waters of a uncertain tommorow overshadow the past glory
and future failures of my existance.

The last round poured the new gaurd will be here tommorow.
And as you pass the ones toblind to see as you've become to
jaded to feel you realize.

To live the words failure is a must for no agnst is true without 
a glimmer of hope. 
I stay ahead of the verse like a pool waiting for the tide.

Now in a place once called home I find strangers in old faces
shadows cast dark figures in alleys all lost for the better day.

But im no judge just a exile forced to carve a nitch 
outta his  same old space.
To tired to care yet still to ego ridden to leave.

Im a exile to friends who live next door.
They hammer the walls  laughter takes there nights.
Im locked in  only with memories to recall.

The smoke trails across the empty room of my mind.
Like some old stories ghost I merely haunt this worn down shell.


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I FEEL DEPRESSED

My soul is dark
Blackened by my misery-self pity
I feel depressed
What does that mean?

At 30 years of age, I have learnt so much
Yet,accomplished nothing
My life is stationery, maybe regressing
But no forward movement

Progress?
Achievement?
Goals?
Words I so carelessly abuse 
But never apply
I, my own worst instrument of destruction

I am fearful of what I can become
Turmoiled by what I know but so often lack
I, so ambitious, contribute so little
To my life, my dreams, my existence

I, who give so much and expect even more
From those who give even less
I am surrounded by negative souls
Bodies that hold me back from reality

Boredom rules and empty promises govern
I am What? Who?
Where am I going?
What is my plan?
I am alone, so alone
Lost....
Again, I feel depressed.


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A MOMENT OF TRUTH

this light may bring hope…
a snap of moment to lead to truth…
i am of what i am because of the truth…
somehow Sulu will rise forth…


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My phone is Ringing

My phone is ringing it's the call I've been dreaming about. I try and reach for my phone but my arms are numb laying in a pool of my blood and my fingers refuse to work. My phone is still ringing, as each breath becomes harder then the last. I try one last time to pick up my phone but its to late my body has gone cold ...and all the pain is gone. My phone is ringing and its the last thing I will ever hear.


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when i leave

When I‘ll get over with this,
With this suffocation,
I want you my Creator,
To make it a memorable day.

Be it unlike a usual day,
though their hearts would still beat,
sun would rise and set,
life would be just as it was before,

so Let me write down something at least,
my shroud be unlike some others,
Even I would've aged, powder me,
THE END should end beautifully.

Don’t widen your eyes,
I’m a simple person with simple unfulfilled Desires,
That meant life, accept that,
Be careful because I was too a bastion like you.

When I’m done with the later offerings,
I 'll know, 
I will be listening __
For all the answers that I have awaited for so long.

closely, in the dust, in the air, 
Out there, I‘ll be watching , vehemently.


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my companions

 
My only companions are my dreams my only friends Who call out for me their voices a melody for me to fallow save me my friends from this Dark World Wolfs teach me to be loyal and to fight the dark and when make love to the dark embracing it becoming dark myself yet not to succumb to its control Fae teach me to kill with words And when to use them to save Of the meanings of speech and its clever twists To speak a truth one does not want to hear And still make them hear tote truth Twin sprits teach me to know the sprits Those elusive things some call souls Not knowing how to talk with them, we converse Not knowing how to feel their presence, I touch them I feel the hands brush against my skin As dragons, teach of fire, rage, and bloodlust ,when to use it and how to use it well like a well made WAR HAMMER ,and from the masters I learn lore and flight for though I have no wings still I fly with them Trees teach of patience And the earth’s presence and how to care her Of the minds herbs and streams to feed my roots As my branches wither Their Skills With The Wood Are Rival To None Succubus and Incubus you teach of the heart, it’s betrayals, loves, comforts how to guard the heart, and still feel for they know best, its mysterious ways Whilst my heart, mind and body scream Scream for release from this reality To dreams and the worlds found through their doorways Call out to me my friends save me from those who ridicule me who constrain me in chains of iron as they sear my flesh Holding me fast to things, I must not do or have cages of words, deeds, people, and their judgments I Hate Them, And Their Ways are both evil and cruel I know not how long I have left For my blood screams for vengeance To bathe in its fires ,to soar free in the skies where none but you can reach me SAVE ME, MY FRIENDS I BEG YOU!!! I long for your embrace your fiery breath the sweet scent of wet moss you warm sprit upon mine the pack running singing the songs that change me to your likeness the sleep where my heart lies in your hands as you feed your lustful hungers upon my troubles leaving me to sleep untroubled free of my cares and worries giving me my heart backed still with its worries and cares but unburdened you cleaver teachers I lust for your wisdom and the peace you bring me please come open the doorway to the forests and the fire moors save me my friends
this is also a personification


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The meaning of destruction.

Its cold, clouds grey, no sun to guide me,
hands search for the missing eye that has long since past.
I hear them bicker and curse, do you know what they are?
Slimy slurping dripping muck, the snow has gone, but left my
world with black soot earth.
These creatures seem to thrive on it, thrive on my shallow pit
of existence.
I gather myself, I crack my knees as I bend to pick a limb,
what should go first? Of course my feet to carry me.
With such effort for a pointless quest I begin to think that
there is nothing but death scraping at my neck, hinting at
my demise.
Ages since my trumpets call, they call me home from a 
nightmare of cry's and vomit.
My mind begins to flash with imagery beyond comparison,
a child I see inside my heart, is naked, blind, sick and pale,
OH GOD!! Where is the source for this madness.
I have gathered my pieces and attempt to walk, but see
that I have gathered more than my own share of flesh, there
are those that belong to men,the men thats beneath the soil,
the creatures are red inside my nails.
My color is that of a ruby stone, as cold as one and as hard 
no doubt.
CRACK! BANG! Lighting and sound rip through the sky, this sound
is not of guns or drums.
The dark sky is fat with victory, it spues out its fill upon me, it washes
my world around me only to reveal my horror.
My comrade, my friends, my enemy's and alas, the child of whom gave 
such sadness.
Did I die too? Looking at my broken self, was I tricked to war, yes, this was it,
the price to pay, to pay the earth for its company, it seems we were guests that
outstayed our welcome.
Ha! If we were ever welcomed, I don't think invasion is the same.

So clear now, the rain making sense of it all.
My knees don't crack as I begin to fall.
Cant you see me?I have been killed.
So you can keep your stomach tanks filled.
Thank you all, your prayers are gone.
To feed the horde there victory's won.

Is the memory gone from them?
The world is sane but our race is thin.
Is this world so leaderless? 
Mankind is lone, the world is fearless.
Must we die before they see?
No, die but twice before you free.

Do you have the answer?
With blood in hand and gun in holster?
No one has the meaning or an answer to a thing.
Just that they are happy with there life they have to bring.


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The Death Of A Friend

There was no casket to be set into the earth.
Only memories were to be  burried washed clean 
by the bottles embrace.

Strangers  do we part a vist to a familar cold place 
by the oceans shore.
Words spoken never hurt when you  understand 
human nature.

The dark inwhich  I only know.
A dark river flowing unto the sea.
Its broken current flow's with no true direction.

As children we start fresh only to loose the spark.
Dancing under a shroud of tenderness  apon lifes 
harsh stage.

Bitter souls reflect  anger lost only tears of  regret.
Me i just cast demons down   in some  twisted hope
I just might forget.

Sometimes you gotta realize when you crash through that glass
celling  you only got to look forward to the floor.
The bottle now empty I cast into  the dark waters
eternal bed.
Along  with a memory  I'll pretend to erase.

Distanse is only a thought away.
The road echos  my lifes song.
Underground burried  so deadly the truth
just as sweet as the lie.

Barbwire and daydreams  plague my soul.
Like the bottle that sit's within the depths 
of a water cast tomb.

I know strangers  as friends.
Night as backdrop.
Farewell  seems  fitting as hello.
When the river has run dry    
To whom will go?

Read more: http://hellopoetry.com/poem/the-death-of-a-friend/#ixzz0suxHEd00


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Karma

Sometimes you gotta get lost to find the emptyness of the true soul.
Bury thoose memories  to unearth old truths.
Cut the ties only to return to thoose past relations.

Ive seen the streets erase the picture only to relive the past.
Living ghosts a backdrop eternal.
I cant question thoose night's regrets like a blanket keep me warm 
on a  humid night.
When all is wrong why cant anything be right.

I'd never  curse you utter truths into your lies.
Tainted encounters in many ever changing rooms.
Neon lit dream's  sunset of my mind salt water taste the 
bitterness we love.

The mountain's veiw is empty and cold.
Have we lost the the spark.
Iced over thoughts leave only shallow promises 
to hold.

So I'll push you away only to hold the memory dear.
A coward  to live in the pressent.
A living ghost of the man  who once stood here.

I've lost track gone so far from all that ive known.
Sparks in the darkness.
Only illusion  paint's the reallity sanity grace me life 
once more.
I question has it vanished with my time?


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And his name is Moses

His father named him Moses.
Devoid of speech yet blessed.
Doctors said he would live thirty years hereafter.
Buoyant nature and carried a smile always,
With sense of humor lived through derision.
On the day his father passed away 
He sat still and hid his tears within.
Not long, few years later
His mother who would voucher him,
Understand the complexity of his heart
Laid on her final resting place,
He sat still and hid his tears within.
Later his bosom friend moved away,
He sat still and hid his tears within.
Enervate and lonely orphan he became,
Dolefully he wept when none would see.
Albeit the great sorrows of his heart, 
No trauma ceased him to live mirthfully.
After thirty still he lives.
And walking through the paseo every morning,
They who pass him by with admiration schmoose of a man
Who can’t speak and had great sorrows;
Nonetheless so twinkly he lives on,
Knowing not yet parfay wishful,
when he would wake up one fine morning
And meet his loved ones again on the other side.


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What's to Come

The moment has come,
although the deadline is not near.

I approach my decision with haste
and rational thinking.

There is not much left for me to do,
except wait.

Keeping emotions sidelined,
as it should be.

Not allowing "what ifs" or
"if onlys" play in my head.

Being logical and seeing 
things for what they are.

No longer ignoring what I turned
my head from knowing
what I did.

I can only hope she see it
as I do.

I pray that she sees where I am
and knows what is coming.



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Look at the facts not the Debate

Do you see anything to smile about?
Someone was on fire during the debate
He drank so much water he stuttered
That a sign the raft of hell is getting hotter
Now I am more confused than ever

Our life isn't a political flash game
Do you see anything to smile about?

Today for me; tomorrow for you,
It only takes a few, to see and review,
The outlook on life, sadly it’s fading.
Before we are too quick to judge;
Do you see anything to smile about?

Many work places are going under;
Many people are on the unemployment line,
Not knowing what to expect or digest
Do you see anything to smile about?

Occupy Wall Street protest continue stronger than ever
Trying to save what's left of our future.
Only time would tell according to the scriptures
Occupy our minds let’s think of our children's future
Look at the facts not the faces
Do you see anything to smile about?

One keep smiling the other kept drinking
Many head of the households worries about Health Care
 What is life for a soldier on the front line? 

Do you see anything to smile about?
Yes I know a man is still a man
Even if he wears an expensive jacket and ties
Only differents  we as citizens have place 
 Such men in a high position to spy
We have to back it up and vote or choke
Do you see anything to smile about?

Relationships are dying Men and women for themselves
Broken hearts all over the place,
 The love of our patriach seizes
Do you see anything to smile about?

Homeless shelters are closing
 With or without people demonstrating or voting,
Do you see anything to smile about?

This is not any fault of our citizens 
Its bad management, how much more can we take
 It’s hard to smile during the recession besides a rebate!
Looks at the facts, not the debate
Partake and foresee our future.
We need more smiling faces.
We need to breathe!
Hell’s getting hotter,
 Apocalypse in mainstream
Now do you see anything to smile about?






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Frozen Golden Hair

His smile was as warm as the summer sun.
But his cold-cold heart chilled the soul.
Debonair, golden hair, he often had to run!
Those notches scratched in his paltry pelt,
Lay evidence of his lusty embrace.
He was a hit and run, son-of-a-gun.
Many young women, 
Slapped without a trace.  
A new fair maiden fell for his heat.
He ripped virtue out, with a lusty hold.
Surprised at the end, not even a friend.
Her heart suffered.
The serpent’s sting –
All alone in the winters freeze,
Seething, in woman’s scorn.
- Loved and left without concern -
She had esteemed him, true.
What to do?
The answer soon was clear.
Death paid the toll in the winter cold.
Her sorrow would forebear. 
Debonair, golden hair, 
He no longer had to run!
Her smile was as frigid as the winter’s freeze.
And his cold-cold heart lay icy, still.
Death caught this man who left with fast feet
No more notches would he carve in his strap!
She grinned as she patted his manly pelt.
That winter of his frozen golden hair –

© February 13, 2011
Dane Smith-Johnsen


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Death Of A Rose

Death of a Rose
By Nate Spears
Published 2013 in “Death OF A Rose” By Nate Spears
 
The onion blooms this summer with an essence of pleasure
The winter’s rose brings the smell of death
As X marks the spot
I ask why?
The letters reveal everything in a perfect storm
As my fortune grew wheels I became bankrupt 
My pockets flat-lined into dust
 My days became a Knights reality
My short comings were the guiding in my life’s fatalities
My burdens became the struggles of my light
Each and every day 
I deal with this in this life
My soul is sun burned
My life has washed ashore
Times two; my son’s bring me rays of light
Allowing me to see everything with excellent vision
In all four corners of this ring surrounding my fingers tip
Victory stands bold in the middle 
Failure has lost to a simple slip
So who’s the real champion now?

Tears and sweat are only separated 
By the point in which they’re released
Beauty lies deeply 
Within the heart of the beast
One moment for the momentum 
That destroys the cells of venom
Black and cancerous, 
It sickens our society as we watch this rose die
The funeral we attend today stems from this
This is the Death
Of A Rose.


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NINE ELEVEN

It was another beautiful morning in the city , Workers  looking radiant as always
People  strolling , Cars horning as pedestrians throttled along the Zebra crossing
The subway was crowded with the smell of early morning rush and sweat
Little did they know that there was a shadow lurking behind the bright sun

The announcer’s voice towered over sound of luggage’s being dragged
Flight attendants smartly dressed hurried  towards the boarding gates
Passengers sat patiently at the lounge, awaiting the call of the day
How could they have known that today will change their very lives

Nineteen bearded men dressed in polo shirts scattered amidst the crowd
Each missing the silky feel of their long white robes and heavily woven turban
As they try to fit in with their newly bought Jeans and Sky blue snickers
They knew what was about to happen, their lives was fading as the clock ticked

People going about their work and children being dragged to school
It was the ninth hour of the Mane , The plane heading for a wrong land
Passengers struggled for their lives, calling their loved ones for the last time
They saw the rage lurking in their eyes, the clothing couldn’t hide the evil

A Woman standing in the office, talking to her fiancé on the phone
As she stared out the spotless white glass, she saw it heading her way
She couldn’t mutter a word as her fiancé called out on the other end
Not  a step could she take as the wall crashed on her, it was clearly too late

Buildings tumbling down the great heights, fire flying through the sky
Bodies rolling through the sky like the brutal fall of strong rain in spring
Oh what a sorry sight for a blind man, oh what a poison for the soul
Some watched with great tears, they could do nothing to save a life

Deadly cry of babies filled everywhere, smell of blood saturating  the air
Heads missing the body buried under the crumbs of the fallen bricks
Some puffing out the last breath in them, hanging on for the very last time
Thunders of sadness roared everywhere, Mourning voices everywhere

So many lives were lost along with Nineteen men who thought it as fate
Not a year passes that we do not weep, for the lost souls of this day
The brave hearts that left us , even at the face of death some struggled
They linger forever in our hearts, as their thoughts dwell within us.


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He'd Just Discovered Suspenders

No job 
No prospects
No optimism 
It took all his energy
Just to fake a smile 
Health eroding 
At the speed of light 
His world grew smaller by the 
second 
Former small pleasures 
Transformed into ambivalence 
Blank and numb 
He walked blindly 
There were no solutions 
To any of his problems 
And then one day 
Out of the clear blue sky 
He smiled without effort 
I even caught a glimmer 
Of a spark in his eye 
Life became a little more 
pleasant 
We all cheered him on silently 
Me his number one fan.

As his confidence had 
diminished 
His gut had grown larger 
He wore his belt below it 
But his pants always slid down 
Far enough to annoy him 
Another problem 
With no solution 
One day, after months 
With the spark in his eye 
He chose to die 
It was a shock because 
He'd just discovered 
suspenders.


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A missive from the damned to whoever have a little time to spend with this nonsense - Page 2

But now, I wonder "Will I have the bravery to follow?"
Demise shall follow if I am to attain redemption and cleanness of my sins that tarnish my soul.
Sometimes, I cling to yes, sometimes I cling to no.
When the dark clouds blur my sight, I ask myself "What is worth living for?", some believe in god, some in money or in even a more mundane wish.
I lack this one thing, I lack the purpose that would impulse me forward. But then, I speculate "For me, must be love", but what is love? I do not know, I am an strange to it, perhaps this wasn't reserved for everyone.

Well, one thing is right, my passing will not be mourned nor missed. It will go like the wind, now here then gone and noone noticed a thing.
Many leaves were shaken, many tears soiled the ground, yet, none of this was spotted by anyone.

To the people I did wrong "I am sorry, please, do forgive me".
To the people that hates me, hate me more, be genuine with it and be the fuel of this endeavor. Hurt me more, make me bleed, cut open my flesh, as he once did when I was an infant, paint the wall with my crimson tint...
Make me regret to have been born, actually, this will require little effort, since I already regret that.
My mind is set, termination is the way to go if I desire to do something good, at least once, in this life.
No hope can be spied nor a glimmering light to lead this one to safety.

In a colorless world, only with shades of black and gray, thoughts of demise haunts me day after day.
I see the people around me, at work, on the the streets, everywhere and I cannot help but to feel disgusted and out of place and helpless.
I am tired of pretending, behind my mask, I weep, behind their masks, they laugh at me.
I am tired of being fed by deceiving tales and to feed other with my lies.
The lies... It is everywhere, one must tread lightly between them, or else will fall their prey.


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Emptyness

I do not know what has
come over me.

The passion I had,
the emotions are gone.

My heart has become
dormant once again.

My once lively flame
has become snuffed out.

I do not know why this
has happened.

At this junction in my life,
at this opportune moment.

The one who loved me,
as I am now.

And I feel nothing
in return.

It is unfair,
unbalanced, and tragic.

I never thought this could 
happen to me.

Every emotion and thought I had
is now gone.

I am completely empty 
which leaves me a complete mess.


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Deep See

I'm talking about spirits that live deep down in the depths of my thoughts, brought to life when the abyss flows over, I can't keep my mind focused, it's like falling asleep at the wheel but you're not the one driving, so everything is just outta your control,...the faster the time flies, the slower life hits, kinda like smiles that's being sold for gold, and love's never been the type that calls my phone, more like being on hold,...I'm typecast, cuz everybody's actors, I can feel pain around the corner, it's found on the walls, and mixes with struggle like asbestos, but inspiration lights the room up, it's lights the tomb up, but I wouldn't say I'm dead just yet,...they say I reak of depression, I tell them I'm just congested, and can't smell the roses in the cold, but nonetheless I'll make it through, we always do, as long as the girls around me understand when to lose their clothes, reach for your dreams, lose care to all underneath, cause all that I seem to see is the bottom, so if you feel like me, spark 'em if you got 'em, cause when you walk in my crib and you smell the nag champa burning, just know I'm trying to be a better person, like when the days worsen,...but every cloud's lining is silver, so I push the petal to the metal and speed into a brand new day, like there's nothing more to say,...nothing more to say...


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Worry Not

I re-dedicate this poem to my sweet friend, Stephen Pettye, who is full of power and strength as he travels this lifetime in a number one status to reach the goals of his full inner growth.  This poem is to help clear his path along the way:

Take those piled up worries And let your troubles go They always go back and forth In our minds to and fro On a clear day With no clouds in the sky Cast you worries away Leaving no questions to ask why Giving more time to count blessings And be thankful for what you’ve got It feels so gloriously wonderful To truly and completely worry not Just clear your mind Away from all thought And enjoy the great feelings That fill the space you’ve caught There are messages to read When the clouds are out That’s when we’re given Something to think about On a clear cloud free day Leave all worries behind Well that’s what I do To clear my mind Yes, it feels good To be worry free And to leave it all With the one Almighty So when the sky is clear I will always worry not And thank our dear Lord For all the blessings I’ve got Florence McMillian (Flo)


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Una Visita con Mama -- A Visit With Mama

We walk the rocky shore
and you lean heavily on me,
Mother, bruising my balky arm --
muttering "Ay, Hijo!";
a few steps and, breathless,
we are both exhausted.
Your once-brown eyes, gone gray,
are like concentric rings
rippling from a random stone
thrown into a polluted pond
in winter: eyes as flat
as the latex paint that
coats a cheerless rented room.
Cataracts circle your lenses;
they have a ruptured look --
purple, jellied -- like the eyes
of a dead fish, which I poke,
perversely fascinated.
It is puffed and rotten.
Your eyes are puffed, too, red-rimmed,
moist with tears that brim over
though you try to blink them back.
That you love me and I you,
and that we wish to extend
our time together, is clear --
as clear as the black water
in the pond, as clear as your
cataract-clouded eyes,
as clear as my conscience
when I drop you at the Home,
cleverly inventing an important
meeting, to which I hastily fly.


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Chance

Chance

By BJ Welsh

With life and living we take our chance
Nodding in agreement to a furtive glance
Waking up each day is a chance we take
That life will deliver us for Heaven’s sake
We awake each sunrise with a hope reborn
Chance seeing an other suffer and torn

It’s one other’s life you see at a glance
Hoping for approval, it’s but a chance
The life you witness as others pass
The pain inside may subside, alas
Hoping to see one as you
The chance you take to find two

Running out of time the clock is ticking
Chance there are others whose lives aren’t clicking
Great as that may be, the chance you’re all alone rises
Furtive glances from beneath disguises
Chance that hiding the pain and hurt won’t last
The agony you feel will not be fast

Chance you soon become discovered
In your waking hours its’ uncovered
You’ve lived a life of hurt and pain
 The chance you’ve taken may have been in vain 




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SOUNDS

                 




              Morning came as whispers in my ear slowly says echoing I love you
  The embrace and let go of the warmth of the sun and sheet move it was a cue
         The voice echoing that whispers in my ears again says do you hear that?
                 The gurgle of the coffee, and the smell of caffeine in the air sat
             A determine voice still echoing says it is time for you to get up my love
                         As I open my eyes I look outside as I see one dove 
              Cooing me, and it's bright white feathers has gotten my attention
     As I looked around my dream of my love disappears as it put me into depression
                  A sadness crackled into my heart, and a discerning look came to
            I wake up every morning hearing her voice in the summer morning dew


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Words of Meaningless Torture

I only ever tried to be there for you. I thought I was your friend...I thought I helped but obviously not. I wished to make you happy...to feel good about yourself. To make you believe you were special and you meant something...because...well you meant everything to me and I did what I could to show you that but it's apparent I just failed. As I fail at everything...I guess I can't even be a friend. Because when you said...the new friend...this person whom you only just met--while we've been friends for years-- but this person... oh yes must be so “different” because as you said....is the only one to make you feel happy. The only one to make you feel worth something...makes you feel special. Makes you feel like you matter...the only one to have helped you realize you make a difference....
I guess I was just never good enough. I tried and tried but it just wasn't enough and now slowly it's unraveled just how meaningless...how torturous...this all is. Because I hear from you less...and less. I get short responses. It takes nearly and army of message to get a reply...and then...it's hardly a reply. 
I'm just sorry...I couldn't have been any better than I am. I'm sorry that I never made you feel good about yourself...or happy or anything. I'm just sorry I was never the best of a friend. Because...believe me...I did try. But I guess I just wasn't good enough. Never good enough. So...I'll just move back and idly sit in the shadows lost with time...because I obviously have no meaning in your life....after all...you were never happy....until the new friend came along.... But nevertheless...you still mean everything to me....you have always made a difference in my life and even now as I watch, through tear filled eyes, the words you send me make a huge difference still....a difference I never thought would happen but...still a difference...and the difference is....I was never anything to you and you were always everything to me. And that, my friend, is a difference. And always will be. But I hope...that you'll always stay happy...as that's all I ever wanted for you....


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SQUALOR -The cry of a Needy Orphan

                                             
Under a roof thatch born,
The flesh of my mama torn,
I wish I was never born,
As that day my mama was gone.

A cup of water to me is a trophy,
A tea-spoon full of honey, I am lucky.
A teenager, my head bears cement bulky 
In the site as my sweat makes my tongue taste salty.

Red spots body-over, a daily routine
As mosquitoes make me their protein
As I lay at night without a curtain
And clothes I possess without button.

My mates on Sundays I see wearing the tie,
As at me they stare while passing by
Like a dirty dog about to die.
Begging, I notice not my cry.


In anticipation, I await the day
Where from church a man shall to me say
“Your pain is over boy so come my way”
Like the after storm sun-ray. 


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When I Was A Child

It started when I was a child
I was a kid with a gift
That no one understood or recognized
Instead of loved I was picked on and ostracized

However I blocked it all out
But little by Little its all coming back
Like layers of an onion
That held me tightly wrapped

Bits and pieces of my memory
That were hidden away in code
Deep within my mind a door was closed
I?ve reached in to remember because my life is now in jeopardy

All the emotional and sexual abuse that I closed off to survive
Has been staring at me sabotaging my life
This life is not what I have dreamed and I am dying inside
And if I don?t face the truth of what was done to me 

Then I will surely become the monster that I despise
And as the tears bellow up
I again take another breath
Like soot in a fireplace and a hair ball in a cat

I cough up the toxic memories
As images flash through my mind
With my face in the toilet I begin to cry
My body begins to stiffen as nausea rises to the top

I then begin to wail from deep in my chest
It?s a hideous cry that sends chills down my spine
As I grit my teeth and hang on for dear life
A thought runs through my mind why.. why.. why.. why.

I?m tired of the black outs
I?m tired of the fear
I?m tired of the loneliness that have held me prisoner here
I?m tired of the pain and suffering that has come in my parents name

I?m tired of all the trauma and I?m tired of all the drama
I?m tired of the neglect that?s been perpetrated on my soul
Keep your hands off of me, keep your beliefs away from me
From all the mental abuse and all the negative remarks
And you still don?t see how you?ve damaged my sensitive heart
 
I?m tired of hearing all the denial
I?m tired of hearing how there is nothing wrong with you
I?m tired of you blaming everyone else but you
I?m tired of hearing how you hate this and you hate that

I?ve tried for years to heal this wound
But it seems to have spread to my nephew too
I don?t know what else to do
I even ruined my only serious relationship to get revenge

In my mind I justified their crime 
From all the bad advice and all the dysfunctional decisions
And I thought I was reversing everything 
When I vowed never to get married and have kids
But that sabotaging act has done me more damage 



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Boggled Down

Boggled down and dragging behind,
maybe I'm carrying around to much weight.
I would never ask but I am really in need of a helping hand,
vulnerable and helpless, two emotions I really hate.

My brain is always running in overdrive,
it's hard for me to keep things straight.
I can't concentrate and I lack the ability to stay focused,
I have a lot stacked up on my plate.

The pile just keeps getting bigger,
a little more and more each day.
As each day passes  it's all getting harder to hide,
I might as well place all of my business out on display.

Each morning when I wake up and every night before bed,
I ask the Lord above to grant me one prayer request.
Take away this mental madness, I don't want it anymore,
so I finally can put my mind to rest.

I don't understand why me, 
why did I get saddled with this horrible disease.
After talking with the Lord it was because I was strong enough,
to be able to handle whatever it turned out to be.


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My Return

This dreary place seems so familiar
and missed to a degree.

The place where I can hide my face from
the rest of the world.

Where I can be myself
and not care how people
think of me.

Not having to live 
by others expectations of me.

Yet my life is questioned
and possibly considered
mediocre at best.

Who accepts mediocrity?

I think it is best I stay here,
far from the outside world.

It is time for my return,
to my castle.  
 


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Up Late

-Inspired by my temporary English instructor, Mr. Phinizy <3
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Evening had diminished to night; how very quickly did She fly It is funny how quickly time passes, as if our brains tweak the clocks of life The night was of moderate warmth, and my house suffered terribly still And with the stifling heat inside, many hot questions filtered through my mind I asked myself, Where did the summer go? Why must our suns die? Why is it sweltering in September? Why has sudden anger blown her aside? I really need some sleep, thought I, looking at my face through the murky glass Tracing dark circles under my eyes, I was reminded of sagging Death longing to ensnare me Yes, Death followed me that night, dwelling upon me, boiling away the autumn breeze As I looked into my sleep-deprived eyes, I knew Death waited for my ultimate slumber, When all commemoration of time, that flew so rapidly before, suddenly just…stops. With many a sigh, I turned on the faucet, soaking my hands in the cool, flowing water I needed some relief from the heat…I needed a refreshing new idea, I needed cleansing Anything to clear my mind of the negativity daring to break me every day of my life For such depressing thoughts spewed forth like a wild river, the rapids racking my brain But these waters were not living; they were dead and hot like blue blazes of hell I turned off the faucet, for there was no Balm on this earth to sooth this soul There was no clock on this earth tweaked enough to return me to earth The warm breezes, the sickly pale cast of many thoughts had driven Her away And though the everlasting sleep of Death sounded soothing, the Balm does not assuage me… It only burns forever, in obstinate constancy; angered to the core, That night stuck in this fractured rhyme of time, I was up late…too late


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Solo Act

It's what I do best,
doing whatever it is,
alone.

Not having to worry about
interfering with other people.
No one needs to go out of their
way for me.

Yet I seem to have people
ask, "why?".
I ask, "why not?"

Some ask me why do I not
offer others,
invite them to what I do.

The sad truth is,
I do.

I am cancelled on,
blatantly ignored,
given every excuse
imaginable.

Then I end up doing what 
I planned to do,
alone.

Why must I create heartache
when none is needed?

Why must I get hopes up
of people wanting to spend 
time with me?

Why should I ask people
when all I get is a "No....."?"

Why spend one more second 
thinking about the countless
number of rejections I receive?

Maybe this is why I prefer
my solo act.



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HELP




I woke up this morning
And wondered when life would be good to me

I see nothing but problems
I hear nothing but people wanting

Wanting all of me
I have nothing left to offer
Nothing left to give

If I close my eyes just for a moment
Will all be as it should be when I open my eyes again?

Thought so
Stupid fool


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Will to Live


I look ahead to the ends promised in my mind
But always reality clouds my eyes with the peppers of life
Sometimes I make hasty progress
Only a few steps ahead to be forced more steps to regress

Sometimes my hope gets a boost from a fine line I read off a book
But as soon as I lay down the book 
The reality of a stool beneath my foot
Makes me anticipate the pain of the noose

Still I have a will and I know that soon I will
On the back of the winged unicorn of my dreams 
...I will soar free
This reality is for the benefit of my dreams
On its harsh grindstones I will sharpen my will to live


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The Emptyness Of My Night

 
Nights move  like a forgotten  ghost unwanted by all.     
A vision  unseen to all but one.

Down damp streets he haunts the same path every night just befor the dawn.
The empty hearts gather to drown togther in the sea. 

Togther feeling so very alone. 
Can we cast shadows in the darkness project happiness in such gloom to return the   same 
old haunts again and again.
A wheel  rolling  without question.
On into the emptyness of my night. 

Waitting for a return that  never will be.
Cursing the problem never understanding it was her and me.
As the dream turn to the drunk.

The painter paints no longer sunsets but
Nights and his thoughts of blue to gray.

Warmth in the darker corners gives a view to 
the young and  the still hopefull.
Tiping my half empty glass I wish them to never know pain.

Finding a home with other empty hearts caught.
In dirty sheets im haunted by the ghost of my
former self.

A puddle stepped in cast waves of reflected neon light.
As we play a roll unknown to all  
At typewritter  I sit.
Listening to To the bar and bottles clatter men and women's
laughter and soon forgotten fight.
Yerning to be free so is the emptyness of my night.


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In All the Crummy Little Barrooms of the Soul

I wait in all the crummy
little barrooms of the soul.
I look about and sniff the air,
drink, and wait.
In the demi-world of honky-tonks,
which vie against night's
inner gloom, beneath mantles
of thick smoke, pinches,
slurred speech and propositions,
I leer drunkenly about,
swimming in the haze
of my heebie-jeebies.
I wait.
After the smoke clears away
and the honky-tonk tones die,
when the scraggy light of the
morning after spreads, mustily,
across the floor,
I wait.
After the hangover, 
after the aching head, glazed eyes,
belches, and specks
which move around my head in circles,
I see a different sort of light:
A flatter sort.
In the sordidness,
ergo filthy waxy sawdust on the floor,
I have seen a conjuration
which I sought.
But soon it disappears
and will not come again.
Illusion slips from mind
with lifting drunkenness
and break of sensibility
(five syllables of collective myth) –   
and pain creeps in which
is not merely physical.
Oh well.
I must try again tomorrow night.
There will always be another night.


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Second Chance Prayer


Lord God,
Please help me get a second chance to make up for my past wrongdoing
Send me the Holy Spirit to choose the right path
Provide me Your Seven Gifts of the Holy Spirit to help me better myself
Wisdom to have a deep understanding on what and how to change

Knowledge to know the reasons inside my sudden change
Counsel me to give advice in choosing to take on which direction to go to
Understanding to comprehend every situation 
Fortitude to have strength to be courageous on making a stand

Piety, to be faithful and offer goodness to others
Fear of the Lord to maintain Holy Fear to God
Thank You for Your help in transforming me
I respectfully ask this in the name of Father Christ Jesus for sending me the 7 Gifts of the Holy Spirit.

Amen.

Written 09162012

(Change “I”, “me” or “myself” when praying for someone or a group.) 


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All About Her

I dont know much about her
but I heard she wasnt that talkative
She didnt like being alive
She was numb to all the pain she had to go through

I heard she didnt like anything that was green
She ate roman noodles everynight for supper
She always wore flannels and bellbottoms
Sometimes i seen her wear dresses and fancy tops
But lately shes been wearing band shirts

She wears converse shoes and uses an army bag for school
I know that she dosent like to communicate through talking... only through her peoms
or sometimes even her songs.

I see her drawing and painting all the time
She draws famous people
She would like to be famous and not so unknown
When she tries to speak to anyone they always walk away and leave her alone

When she gets home she goes upstairs to play her bass guitar
She hates chocolate cake but loves chocolate
Her family left her behind because she cant forget her past

Sometimes when shes alone she contemplates the meaning behind her life
Her favorite color is gray because her life is black and white
Everything she says is false according to the world

She is not so innocent
I understand that she dreams about the perfect life
When she opens her eyes they are pitch black

She is someone that is fake
She acts nothing like she should
She is very grungy and unclean

She knows of no safety
and of no time
Her life is smashed into pieces by the giant sun

She will always be a ghost
She knows of no god
She crawls around in the world of death
She remains forgotten


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It's Time

It’s Time

By BJ Welsh


The sun shines brightly each morn’
Life goes on although the heart is torn
Only you wished for rain instead
Exposure to light is what you’ve dread
Breathing in life that you’ve been given
Spitting it back out to those who are livin’
It’s time, you think, to worry no more
There’s only always silence at the door

The shades don’t work as you think they should
Sun rays seeping through as only mother nature could
What more could you do to keep things dark?
Close your eyes, go ahead, you’ve left your mark
It’s time, you think, to worry no more
There’s surely silence at the door

The mind works in mysterious ways
Your paralyzed and in a daze
The things you lost have never been yours
Borrowed for a while, so take a pause
It’s time to repay that long ago debt
Promises made and you thought kept
You followed a map uncharted at best
A life re-invented and put through the test
It’s time, you thought, to worry no more
But there’s no more silence at the door







 


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TROUBLE ECONOMY

The american economy is on life support has been for years. Sad it makes my heart fill with tears. The land we live the land we love. America is in trouble no doubt but i don't worry about it i let GOD take care of it that way i don't got to figure it out. I want to see my future but not as a blur.


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Don't Mean a Damn Thing

I must have been so naive.
Writing most of my other poems.

Not knowing what love was or is.
I still have no clue.

I guess I never really had it,
since apparently you can't lose it.

My poems and thoughts were 
written from watching and looking 
from afar.

Never having experience of my own.

Then I finally has that chance and felt it.
And then it was gone, vanished
without a trace.

Maybe I thought I knew what it was,
and yet I didn't even live up to 
my own words.

I read my forgotten pieces
from so long ago.

Apparently, so much
that they don't mean a damn 
thing to me.


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Tears upon fear

My head is heavy
And your know where near
Our lives are slowly crumbling
And we're not there to hear

Sand bag to wall
We're there when each other fall
Release your load
Only so much you can take
Give it to me
I'll hold your world on my shoulders

Sandbag to wall
I'll do my best not to fall
In turn
I know we'll soon switch
My shoulders are in a slouch
And life's becoming too big of a bit©h

Your silent words spoken
Things said but not heard
A hoax in communication
A bridge thats now been burnt
Each lie and blameful word
Melted in a smoldering pot
Craters into your life
Strips you left with only a soul to show

The meteoroid was left standing there
Some what in tacked
But left a tear
Like a dagger in the heart
You refuse to take out
Time over time
The meteoroid has dissapeared
but still you imagine its there
Stuck in the past 
Your stubborn as a ass
When will you move on

We cleaned up the debris
Everyday we came by
Between each heart fulled hi and goodbye
We'd fill our baby up
Trying to help him get by
But no matter how hard we tried
He was just a hole

I look back to dusk
And see my blooming flower
So many bees all around
They were bound to sting
Ignore all signs and look at you now
After they all fly high
And leave you under the great blue sky

Everyday Ill come
And lay there with a rope
Waiting to pull you back
And carry you into a world of hope
Because I'm afraid  of your other ways to cope


 


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What's on the Cover

What's on the Cover
        by Amy Swanson


"Fat, fat, the water rat,"
the other children said - 
and she could never after
get that phrase out of her head.

Little girl would anxiously
await the time for play,
praying silently that they
would not tease her today.

Every recess was the same
and each day she would cry,
at times she felt so hideous
she wanted to just die.

She had to work three times as hard
to lose a little weight
while others could eat anything
that sat upon their plate.

She grew into her teen years
all too quickly she found out
that if her food did not stay down
no longer she'd be stout.

She knew that this was not the way,
a miserable eating plan;
but it made the teasing stop,
she even met a man.

She kept her secret very well
continued it for years
while going through life's motions,
hid behind her silent tears.

Folks would say "You're beautiful,"
but if they only knew
just what it took to stay that way
they'd have a different view.

Life goes on, and time went by
no matter how she tried
she never felt like she belonged
sometimes she sat and cried.

Society cares far too much
for lust of lovely things,
And those that don't like what they see
will quickly clip the wings

of someone else who won't conform
to this world's shape and image.
It matters not, their brains or heart,
it's more about the visage.

She raised her head and looked into
the mirror, with wet eyes
she shook her head and suddenly
she came to realize

she was as good as anyone
with so much love to give -
she'd died inside, a slave to scales
she now wanted to live.

She splashed cool water on her face
and made a solemn vow
today would be a fresh new start
beginning here and now.

This is not just one girl's story
many share her tale;
warnings of bulimia
oft met with no avail.

If only we could look beyond
the flesh of one another;
True value based on what's inside,
not what's on the cover.


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What Could Be This Emotional

What was that liquid drops?
Could it be the sweat of the sky or probably, the tears of angels hiding behind the sky.
I peep through my window to stir at the lonely streets at dawn only to hear hens cackling in pairs and goats bleating undertone.
Is it that their caretakers refused them food?
What could be that emotional?

I searched for days without answer, till one day I figured the direction the sky was staring shyly at as well as the direction the farm animals were gossiping towards, only to see one little fellow murmuring to himself.
'Where could his parents be? ', I think to myself.
However, the story of the hen and the chicks dawn on me.
Weeks after being hatched, mother hen can no longer feed so many mouths besides hers. So it becomes an everyone for itself affair.
What could be that emotional?

Every night with the aid of the glowingly moon, he stares motionlessly at the Nelson Mandela billboard along the street with a tear in his eye.
I noticed he beats himself up first thing every dawn though he affords a smile every night lying at the bus stop.
Mornings indeed have its problems it comes with.
Has he no friend?
Perhaps the billboard and the sky would be.
What could be that emotional?

Should I invite him in for a cup of coffee or buy him new clothes for a change?
Doing just one for him cannot put a long lasting smile on his face.
Yes! , perhaps I could say a prayer for him, with the hope that the Compassionate Creator will send rain to wash away his tears, that the rain will make his grounds fertile and that the healing rain will heal his bruised heart.
What could be this emotional?


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The Known Soldier

Last night awakened with thoughts of him
How long has it has been, only
Yesterday … 

First one I ever saw laid out
I sixteen, he nineteen, Viet Nam 
Airborne …

Purple complexion seeping through under glass 
I gaze on doll-like hair
Broomcorn …

His uniform perfect, tie straight
Blouse olive, at attention
Airborne … 

No one else at the funeral home
Me and a girl friend too early for death
Careworn …

Dead before he hit the ground
Cut down by ground-fire first jump no longer
airborne ...

So many years now, forty-two,
awakened with thoughts of him,
Wind-borne …

Still see his body rigid attention
rumor wire for arm, died before his time
Soilborne …

Didn’t know him well, would he
still be here if not
Airborne …

Would we have smoked and talked about 
women if he would be
reborn …

And what of Thua Thien, what now 
monument, blood of airborne boys?
Golf course …


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Call The Maintenance Men

  I’ve lost it. I’m exhausted.
 I can’t handle another day of these
 Auditory hallucinations. Doors creaking
Open Voices carrying around basins. 
 These days with no sleep
are starting to 
Become costly,
 to my overall health.
Wait, do I need help? 
 
      Hold up! 

 Grab a wrench!
 grab your tool belt!
We’ve got to get this girl back to 
Stellar mental health !
Wait, I’m not a machine?
I said to myself 
They said it’s okay ma’am 
We’re trained in these sorts
Of matters better than anybody else
Feeling stressed you say, take a shot
Of vodka while we take a look at you 
Right away 
A little elbow grease and your brain
Won’t be on its knees anymore 
You’ll be back on your feet in no time 
Miss, we  can’t miss with our new  
And improved stationery kits.
Just relax and you’ll improve
It’s not like you’re the only one
Going through this.


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My Father Gone These Forty Years

My father gone these forty years,
my mother gone twenty, I remember...
the acrid smell of tobacco
on my mother’s rough fingers,
as she sat, silently,
in a predawn Texas coastal town,
my head in her lap, the short-wave
radio crackling with static.
She strained to hear the chatter of
shrimpers in the Gulf of Mexico,
yelling out to each other
in Cajun patois French,
Mexican Spanish, accented English;
she stroked my nine-year-old hair,
her middle-aged body aching,
hungry, worried, sleepless,
far from her roots, stranded
in this strange, dry,
totally foreign place.
Her imaginings of my father’s
struggles with the sea
and its weathers filled her mind,
and she knew, all the while, that
even if he were safe, earning money,
he (and she) would fail
and we would still suffer
the poverty of the hopeless
and desperate doomed
whose minor, occasional comforts
were only, onshore, the cold beers
and noisy camaraderie of the others
like him, like her,
like us.


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Feed Upon My Soul

*Note this is not sexual. succubus feed on emotion not all of them use sex as a method.this one uses touch to suck out emotions  *

As I lay on the soft moss your body beside mine. your cool hands on my breast your mouth hovering over my heart you feed upon the black and crimson mist that rises from my heart Full of hatred ,agony ,pain , sorrow and lust the lust for blood that consumes me this mist this congealed darkness that has conquered my heart upon which you feed so lustfully releasing me from its burden its dark chains; you feed on emotions taking my burden for your sustenance
my feelings, for you wil never leave me thank you for all you've done. you can feed upon my soul any time there will always be some thing for you at least the darkness insde me is has brought one good thing to me: you


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''Runaway Wanted''

I see my breathe.
Night has fell upon a frost.
Gods' chill lye now on my shoulders.
Alone yet not.
Silence now before the icey rain.
Surrender as my nervous teeth chatter.
For the warmth of a home is all that is desired.
My empty haven.
But,I am filled with a heart that is full.
Want nor wait.
Arms now cover me like a blanket.
Gust of wind has carried your unwaivered heart.
Candles lit a way to find what is left.
Merely an image of what once was.
Break down into a sob.
Remains frozen solid as climate has taken its' vengence.
I suffer no more,weak body.
Now only in spirit.
Shall I rest.


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discovery of companions read this b4 my companions

As the night is consumed by crimson mist, I stand surrounded by all manner of nefarious foes, both human and demon, living and dead as I stand my eyes burn with draconic flame I feel the lust ,the lust for blood and vengeance revenge for their words and actions, chains and abuse their acid venom The blades they used that flayed my flesh from my body leaving me with bones and sinew leaving me raw not an inch of skin left to protect me As I start toward my foes, consumed by blood lust and the flames of vengeance when wolves of silver rush in front of me and from the shadow of the wood a man and woman appear both handsome and lovely clad in white; from the black skies a wall of gold and black shimmering with light appear holding back my foes In the air clad in gold and black scales emanating power a dragon comes and from the earth rises a sylph ,a cold wind blows as summer leafs and the scent of honey mix with the frigid air around us and two Fae one of the winter and one of the summer court come walking out of the wind then dragon fire flames the barrier between me and my foes , the Fae speak in an unknown tongue immediately wind gathers gathering my foes in a tornado of such power that non could avoid the earth arose around the fury of the storm as the pair in white strode into the storm soon I heard not pain but moans of joy emanate inside wolves rushed in soon there came limbs flying from the maelstrom of power the dragon rose into the air above the magic’s of those around me soon the smell of burning flesh flooded my nose soon the carnage was over
this is also a personification


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Honor of Friendship-Part One

08/20/2012
---------------------
In glowing light you saturate them in words of precious gold, honors adorned by you electing them to be your true friends. Telling me that you adore them, love them, so; that they listen quite often to what you say, that you can tell them anything without fear of them judging you and all the while I listen to such high praise. As you bestow upon them the highest honor one can receive from you-the gift of true friends- I listen, but I can’t help it as my mind wonders ‘where do I fit among those you praise’? Between the lines I remain, unsure as to where I truly belong.
Can I find myself; the monster, the witch, amongst these silver knights of yours, or shall I stay hidden, beside myself watching, loving, caring for you from afar?
I never really know just where I stand; I don’t know what or who I am to you.
But on you go about them, your true, amazing friends as I listen, secretly listening wish I too, could make you so happy. I hope that maybe someday, you will see just what you mean to me, that you’ll understand you are my one true friend-My best friend. The only one who has stayed by my side? And I’ll continue to listen to you. Continue to read all you write for the others, and I’ll continue to give you all I have until you hold the entirety of my heart in your hand until there’s nothing more of me but emptiness and all I have you shall receive, as it’s reserved for just you until the very last breath I have leaves me.
Never will you really know how your lack of words is so much louder than any words that could ever be spoken. But still I keep everything for you because you are everything to me-my best friend, the only one to have ever stuck around…I so wish I could do the same, but I am not like the others. I am the nothing that fills the empty space around you, the nothing that hovers and clings to you like a leech. I am a nobody, a nothing but a ‘someone’…
A someone unknown to most, a someone who cannot express a damned thing in a way that makes sense.
But still I sit by you, I stand by your side and hope you know I am here for you; always here forever. If ever you need someone to lean on, someone to carry you up the mountain of turmoil…I will.


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Momentary Reflection

I was paralyzed in thought,
and standing all alone;
Surrounded by darkness,
everything was gone...

With barely a glimpse, from the corner of my eye;
I was travelling so fast as I passed myself by.
I was moving at high speed, as if,
somehow out of time.

Thinking to myself, looking back into the distance;
Could I have been resting, 
or was there something on my mind;
Maybe, I was just Reflecting,
on some Moments from past times...

A Momentary Reflection,
I thought as I laughed;
Reflections of mistakes, so many in my past;
Or maybe the future, and thoughts of my death.

There's no point in thinking that anything can change;
I passed myself there and found myself here;
Crossroads unmarked, destination unphased,
Trembling,
like a lost dog, covered in mange...

A strength unfound, a desire to disappear;
A Momentary Reflection,
of how I found my way here.

As I watch myself in quiet,
with no desire to stop;
In slow motion I fall,
from a single gunshot...

A Momentary Reflection,
of where I stood at the start;
Maybe if I had slowed, or come to a stop,
this Moment I have witnessed,
the confusion and doubt;
Just maybe, somehow;
I could have found a way out...


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Other Social Circumstances

Other Social
Circumstances

I'm not sure I
understand
if understanding is
at all possible.
The diagnosis is
cheap and quick
but not necessarily
accurate.
Nonetheless I try,
to define the social
circumstances.

Ducking in from the
wet
to keep warm and dry
while an acute sun
shower washed the
cobblestones.
I was briefly
approached.
An attractive girl
with falsely colored
hair
and unusually red
lips.

I asked her for a
drink.
A fruit flavored
beer,
stained the color of
informality.
I could see clearly
through the fog
that something was
wrong
or at least it
should be.

"I could just cry,"
she said.
But I'm not sure I
could understand.
She was unknown to
me,
a momentary
illusion.
So I sat quietly
drinking my beer
along with the other
social
circumstances.


Details | Narrative | |

It is Here Again

It is Here Again

By BJ Welsh

It’s raining and raining as requested
The thought I’ve just really digested
Watching and staring as the raindrops fall
Who do you think would miss me after all?

I sit and wonder without nary an expression
Days pass to weeks with only further digression
Time it seems is not on my side
The rain I pray will never ever hide

Rain used to be such a welcome sight
To clean the earth from dirt and its’ blight
Now I look for only grey clouded skies
Matching the look and sadness in my eyes

The rain it seems must never ever end
For which it is my only dearest friend
I seek it out with such joy and delight
Watching and waiting sometimes all night

The rain’s come again to see me through
This life of misery is well past due
It’s soothing and a welcome pleasure too
For which I have but very few

Tomorrow is another day for rain?
I can only hope I’m still here and sane
To live to see it is but a dream
I’m not long for this world, or so it would seem







Details | Narrative | |

The Inevitable Decision

You were want I wanted,
what I really thought was perfect
for me.

I was full of emotion and 
passion overwhelmed me.

I have never been here before,
and I made promises I could not keep.

Yet I saw the flags
I ignored them thinking they
were trivial.

In reality they were reasons
why I was strained.

I was told to stay, 
giving this a chance.

After all, there were good
qualities still in you.

You loved unconditionally,
accepted me as I am.

I still saw problems,
and I thought you
were ignoring the obvious.

Trying to understand
why I was worth it.
When I am not.

How do I continue down a path
I choose not to walk?

My choices were not my own,
my previous decisions
made to appease the masses.

Yet it is I who is left feeling
discontented.

I feel I would be living a lie
if I kept walking this path.

And it would only devastate you then,
instead of now.

My decision must be carried out
for both of our sakes.

More importantly yours
than mine.

Because I do care that much.


Details | Narrative | |

Juliet

She sits sullen
Quiet and isolated
Onto a sea-shell littered shore
Beaten by the wave
      Like a mute deafen by the midnight air

Child-like,
She stares at the moon with freckles of moonrock
Silhouetted against the sky streaked with white
As if tie-dyed in pale grey
As she reluctantly sniffs the salt-scented
Twilight mist cast by the sea breeze

Worn-out,
She strums the smooth silhouette of
Her companion —a suspicious-looking
      Bottle fogged-up by her breath.
Considering such of a
      Sister —not in blood but in heart.


In a single doubtful gulp,
She devours its rust colored liquor
      Which, too later, guarantees nothing but
      The rest her body aches for.

Seconds passed,
Sea birds have flown
Streams of sweat
creep south the sides of her face
      The pins and the needles kick-off
      Their catwalks on the runway pole of her spine.
      While, the spotlight of her mind clothes 
      Her thoughts with numbness.


She sits still
Now prostrate with unease
      Like a pigeon that had lost half of its feathers
Beads of tears trickle
Down the wingtips of her lips
Frozen with a smile half-baked.

Subconsciously
         Her eyes shut 
                     but gently
                                          For good.

Blues in the night.It speaks on her behalf.


Details | Narrative | |

Honor of Friendship-Part Three

Once again silence envelopes me, like a thick blanket choking me, thrashing and panicking I wish to escape and wonder why you have left me like this? Why you have left me with such emptiness, such silence, digging into me, ripping me apart… “Please, do not abandon me…” I wish to say, to plead…to beg, but no words escape me for I can no longer breathe.
All I did was listen, that’s all I’ve ever done, and then…you’re gone and I feel so alone…so alone. Lost in a never ending darkness, floating aimlessly and I cannot find my way. All I did was listen, all I’ve ever done was listen, I was only ever by your side. Was that not enough? Did you want more? What more can I give? Please, tell me why must you hide, why must the silence over take us-me? Why must I be left on the sidelines…why must I be forgotten…?
When you speak with others, can you not speak with me as you speak with them? Do you feel shamed when spending time with me? Must our friendship be hidden? I do not understand… I wish to, I wish so much to understand you but I cannot. I cannot see when my only light is gone.
They are the only ones for you, they are your friends…I am the forgotten one. Abandoned; left behind, in silence, darkness, and sorrow. They are the ones for you, they are the ones you love, they are the ones you praise and honour…What am I? what am I?
Why do I surround myself around you, why do I care so much, when you obviously care so little? Do you even care at all? Am I just someone to fill the space, am I just someone to pass the time with until you can be with your real friends, once again leaving me on my own…

In glowing light you saturate them in words of precious gold, honors adorned by you electing them to be your true friends. Telling me that you adore them, love them, so; that they listen quite often to what you say, that you can tell them anything without fear of them judging you and all the while I listen to such high praise. As you bestow upon them the highest honor one can receive from you-the gift of true friends- I listen as you continuously adorn them with riches of words…

What am I to you? WHO am I to you? Will you ever say, will I ever know? Is there anything to say, anything to know? Or shall I always be left in the dark silence?


Details | Narrative | |

Trepidations

In my golden sunken eyes

In see the future of my life

Fraught with uncertainty

A name without sanctity

I made a world of desires.

Lost along the line of fires

A dreadful isolated life,

Where I had so long survived

The showdown begins with the start

The ray of hope falling from my heart

I pray for the grave which death promises to take

The life that my destiny gave

The endless voyage ended with despair

Oscillating between hope and despair

Now I sleep in complete silence

A soul free from turbulence…

 

 

MY MATERNAL AUNT DIED IN YR 2003 JUNE OWING TO LIVER CANCER. I LOVED HER 
SO MUCH AND I WILL NOT HESITATE CONFESSING THAT I LOVED HER MORE THAN MY 
MOM....I JUST PHRASED HER WORDS . [PUBLISHED IN 2007 DECEMBER - TIMES OF 
INDIA]
 
 Leighann Anderson's contest ''  Sea of Words''


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Skeletons in My Closet

I have had a very haunted life
I was once happily married
But on our honeymoon, I lost my wife
To an illness she never told me she had

I then after her funeral, denounced love
I even started drinking again
I sometimes prayed to whomever up above
To help rid me of the constant pain

That I was feeling every day
People thought I was some kind of fiend
All because whenever they walked by me
I smelled like alcohol or morphine

I have kicked the bad habits
But there is one thing that always will remain
My denouncement of love is still in effect
And I am certain that I will always feel pain

It seems that I will always suffer
For as long as I shall live
There will always be skeletons in my closet
No matter how much I try to take or give


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Our Little Girl

The light I see
In your eyes
only when I speak of her.
Our little one.
She would have had your eyes,
your nose.
she would have had my hair 
and my my mouth.
Our little girl would have been perfect.
But that horrible day in July,
I cried and I hated myself.
That horrific day in July when I lost her.
My world broke down.
Now when I speak of her. 
Your eyes water up, 
as do mine.
But one day we'll see her. 
I promise.
Our little girl, 
is waiting for us.
I promise.
And one day,
she'll finally say daddy.
Our little girl.


Details | Narrative | |

Broken


I sold our old bed today
And the pillows that we shared,
Couldn't sleep in it anyway
You scent still lingered there.

Sold the living room couch too
Where we sat so many nights,
Where I first kissed you
And, where we had our first fight.

I sold the kitchen table
Where we planned on achieving,
I was just no longer able
To sit there without grieving.

And the telephone went too
That had your voice on it,
It reminded me too much of you
And how it was before we split.

I gave your cat to a little girl
That lives down the street,
The one with lots of curls
That lives by Uncle Pete.

I've done all I know to do
To make a brand new start,
I've just one question for you..
Who'll buy this broken heart?


                       Timothy I. Brumley


Details | Narrative | |

Somebody Say Something

Somebody Say Something

By BJ Welsh

Tumbling towards the mountainous rim
All comes crashing down around him
Don’t be afraid, to rid one of vice
A whisper would have been nice

Looking back on those days
When life was good; albeit hazed
Was it just a phase?
Although it lasted longer than it should
Please, would you say something now if you could?
A few choice words would certainly suffice
A whisper would have been nice

Spiraling out and down it goes
Things go on and nobody knows
Gripping life tighter makes it melt like ice
A whisper would have been nice

If it’s silence that you’re so inclined
Don’t be shocked by a life denied
Repeat if you must once or thrice
A whisper would have been nice

Of course there was nothing to see
He made it that way quite happily
If I told you once I told you twice
A whisper would have been nice













Details | Narrative | |

the cure

Like a man with cancer I’m slowly dying
Battered and bruised and with a heart that’s crying
I raised my hands to give an offering of praise
 But this sickness I have highlights my ungodly ways
I try to be good, Christian and meek
But the pain from this sickness is nowhere near sweet
So each day I go on feeling empty and sore 
And it has caused me to wonder who on earth has THE CURE.

For all my life I wonder where I’ve caught it
For deep inside I know I didn’t want it
Cause with an illness like this, I’m an alien on earth
 Treated like pieces of torn rags covered in dirt
Can’t tell a family, can’t tell a friend
That I’m affected by a disease I alone can’t mend
So this question echoes in me more and more
Is there even on this earth, A CURE?

For all my life I’ve been living a lie
To tell the truth, I hardly ever try
Because I fear the hatred of another
Especially when It'd come from my mother
Confused and captured I don’t know what to do
So now I stand here always being used
By the devil to beat up and even to bore
This heart that’s so desperately in need of THE CURE

Wait! Maybe I should ask the Lord what to do
Cause he’s a God who can’t lie and have always being true
But what should I ask Him? What’s the question?
Will He really listen to a sinful man?
God I’m confused so what will you say?
Should I continue this lie or will you show me the way?
The way to prosperity and peace so sure
The way to that land where I’ll need NO CURE

Suddenly He answered, “Son I know your pain.
I know you have struggles and I know u have rain
But if you had just listened to me years ago,
You would be ok and you’d even know,
You’d know that I love you and know that I care
You’d know that those problems would all disappear
Once you’ve asked me, once you were sure
That I’m the only one who’ll ever have the CURE.”

God thank you for that answer, I guess that’s what I really need
To know that You love me and to know that You see
Everything that I go through each day on this earth 
Everything that I’ve done and the times You weren’t put first
So from now on I’ll praise You in spite of these side effects
For you I’ll do anything, for You I’ll do my best
Yet I know I’ll have struggles way more that before
But I guess that’s the only way if I ever want THE CURE.





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The Hobo

Time's moments takes it's toll
 adding gravitational pull
 
To a body, so weighed down
 His chin can touch the ground
 
With pain visible on his face
 He lives sans his wit, and grace
 
A life of selfishness, his crime
 now sentenced, to a duel with time
 
And time's blatent tenacity
 plus it's control over eternity
 
Reminds the man how much it's cost
 for him to realize what he's lost
 
So he wears time's final wrath
 As he walks life's thorny path
 
All alone without a friend
 He walks the path to journey's end


Details | Narrative | |

tales about them

each time when some stories
are told I cringe
and swallow a lump of bitterness
and will my tear duct to stay intact
because I will never break 
in the presence of anyone
I'd rather shut my eyelids 
and start counting backwards 
from 10
She loves me, I know that
but tough love can only stretch
this far and sometimes
when u least want
your heart will melt
its walls will wilt releasing
molten warmth that will wash over
your tear stains and feed the demons
in your stomach
Love knows not only fear
but weakness, charisma and a wicked
sense of humor
and strength that will envelope
you further down the rabbit hole
that may possibly swallow 
and spit you to a shore
where the sand is shiny and glassy
it cuts your heels until you bleed
and come to a stop
where death will find you
or you could just hand over 
your life to Satan 
just to not feel anymore pain
for a second, to silence
the screaming voices in your head
that tells you hell isn't quite 
done burning you
and to quiet down the cries
of your tongue as it dries and 
stick to your throat until you suffocate
this life isn't yours to take
or trade or give away
its for you to give, to know and 
not even understand because if you did
then you would never feel pain
and you will always smile
even when the storms rips you off
of all you have
so right now this is me reaching out
hold on to my hand and be granted
one more good reason to stay
a bit of warmth and a glance of love
one day we will both stand before God
and recite this story


Details | Narrative | |

Dream Catcher

When the light of the sun begins to fall Echoes of thoughts begin to ball Drifting into a sleepless state Possibilities grow, at a relentless rate I open my mind, in a wonderland of no validity Emphasized by a walk, through a mirror of fluidity Children's laughter in a sadistic tone This dream is a nightmare, far from home The path I am walking........leads to a house Beyond the door, I wish for my friend, my lover and spouse As the door creaks open a figure is revealed I brace myself, my numbness is my shield A wrinkled hand reaches out from the black It grabs my wrist, leaving no time to fight back As I'm dragged into the darkness, the figure becomes clear The face of my victim, my deepest fear


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Alternate View

It’s always the same.  
The darkness. 
 
I don’t care what you think or what you say. 
It has sound and it has color.  It has life.  It has energy.   
There is no black void in the darkness.  There is no quiet in the darkness.  

That’s a lie. 
I know because I’ve been there, I still end up there.
Night or day, awake or asleep. 
I’ve traveled every avenue of this rank and rancid place.  
I’ve been to this violent place.

It’s like an animal ripping and scratching and tearing at me from the inside-out. 
And it does.  It claws and rips and shreds and devours.  
Every single time.  
See, it has color.  It definitely has sound.
Horrifying, terrifying, pleading sounds. 

It screams at me and then echoes back from every crevice.  
It has no escape or hiding place.  
It always finds me.  
It always consumes me and leaves me so tired that I can barely breathe.  
I don’t even try to move.  I can’t.  

I have no life left in me, no fight left in me.  
No hope left inside me.  
See, it has its own energy.  It's own life.

It’s always the same.  
The darkness.


Details | Narrative | |

Faked

I stumble upon a river
the way it flows and feels
I take my shoes off and run threw it
laughing looking up towards the sun
I wake up and it was all just a dream
my sister runs up the stairs
she slams her door
i asked her what was wrong
she looked at me 
She says "mom told me you were adopted"
at first i laughed as i thought it was a joke
I run downstairs to see my mom and dad sitting on the couch
"mom?" i say
she replies "its true we adopted you!" 
she got up and walked into the kitchen
"after all this time i thought i was yours" i say
My father gets up and walks out the door
My mom lays her hand on her forhead
Just dont worry about it  everything will be okay
"No it wont i say"
i felt fake like i wasnt who i was suppose to be
i just sat on my bed thinking about the whole thing
my whole life and who i should have been
I packed my bags that light and i ran away
leaving the less important things behind
i set out on a journey to find my real parents
I had my sister get there info. from my dads office
I took a bus to indiana and looked up there address
As soon as i found it i knocked on the door
A man opened the door
he said "who are you?"
i say "apparently i am your son?!"
"you put me up for adoption?" i repeat

He yells "ANNA!?, Some kid is here for you!"
i repeat the story to her as she denied it
She looked bruised and beaten up
I wanted to help her but the man hut the door on my face

I had no where to go now
So i started on a journey back home
But i never made it there 
I found that old river i use to go too
i stayed there for a few weeks until
i remembered the way back.
I found myself that day
I realized that i was fake but now im not because i know that i am just me not any of them





Details | Narrative | |

My Scars

We were both 16, we shared many firsts with each other. First girl I ever kissed, First person outside of family that I told "I love you" to and we took each others virginity. We were both young and foolish but to this day I still say I honestly loved you. The day you told me you never cared for me the day when you told me it was all just a game was the day I cut my first scar into my arm. I knew you longer then my own brother. We were best friends grew up together, we even got a house when we both left the "nest". Those were the best 3 years of my life we became brothers we became blood. The last day we ever talked is the saddest day in my life, even to this day I cry when I think about you walking away. The scar you gave me stands out from the rest, it's deeper and longer then the others. You were my star I gave you everything I had. I would of walked through the pits of hell just to see your smile. I thought you were the one, I thought we had a future and would be together forever. But one day I came home early to surprise you with this ring, yes I was going to ask you to marry me. When I walked into the house my heart was shattered and blown away by the wind. The image of the two of you is burned into my brain I did not say a word just dropped the ring on the floor and walked right back out the door. The pain of the knife cutting into my arm shocks me out of my thoughts. I watch the blood begin to drip onto the floor this makes 13. 13 scars on my arm


Details | Narrative | |

Blank Amongst the Fake

Wishing to be numb
Coaxed by it's powerful fake love
Let it take over and drown out

Wishing I've made bad choices
To be wash out
To not remember a part of your life is a gift
Get in 
drug up
drain in
Blood drips from my torn skin


Details | Narrative | |

Sergei Esenin

I am so tired, my friend
Tired of scaring my own heart
To please the hearts of others
Tired of feeding with vodka and Russia
The sadness of my poems
I sang feedom, imprisoned by my fever
So young and so tired
Not sorry, not calling, not crying
I am shutting my eyes
And arbitrary blackness is galloping in
Black hotel room, black blood
And stars start waltzing on the ceiling
Dying is nothing new in this life


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No Answers

I sit back watching the sky fade to gray,
Asking myself one simple question;
'Why do I stay?'

But as I ask this question,
It remains unanswered.
Why this is, I would greatly like to know.

I lay back in bed at the end of another day,
Needing the answer to a simple question;
'What do they want from me?'

And yet, even to this question,
I recieve no answer.
I wonder why I am granted no answer.

I watch as he walks through the door,
And I ask this simple question;
'Why is it so bad to be with me?'

Yet again there is no answer to be heard.
Questions run through my head,
Each day and each dreadful night.

'Why do they assume I have no feelings?'
'Why can't someone just love me?'
And alas only one question is there every second of every day;

'What will it take for me to finally belong with someone I love?'


Details | Narrative | |

Psychotic Episode

I talk to myself in many voices
Having conversations with myself
Answering my own questions
Thinking it is something else
The mind can play tricks
If you let it

It can convince you of anything
The conscious and subconscious mind
At times feels separate
From each other
Not connecting as well as it could be
A detachment from the brain
Lost in translations
Of many conversations
To feel safe and calm
Within oneself

The fear of losing yourself
When no one hears or believes you
Feelings and thoughts
Put on a dusty shelf
Not everything is clear
But I am totally aware
Of what is going on
Many layers of words
Coming out of nowhere
Can scare the mind into submission

Eating pieces away of your soul
Losing control
Feeling all alone
In your psychotic turmoil
Who will be there in the end
If I go numb and cannot see
Love me as I am
Or set me free to be me


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A Letter To Anarchy

Dearest anarchy 
there's nothing sweeter than
your sharp tongue in my ear.
The hatred that I once revelled in, 
Taking the form of fear

A lie that nothing dreadful
Could suppose could be a trap,
A terror,
Poetry to hurtful minds.
A lonesome slap.

She never saw it coming did she?
Her soul was yours to play with long before
She hit that floor
That day, that night, that summer
Not a moment more.

She ran did she not?
Before you did something else,
She fled the scene
Breadcrumbs leading the way
Back home. At last.


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Living Today

Living Today

By BJ Welsh

Waiting for the answer to come
Makes one’s life even more hum drum
Sitting and staring without any news
Is an impossible feat if that’s what you choose

How much longer can one be idle?
Losing one’s outlook as well their title
It’s easy to say just keep busy
The thought of moving makes one dizzy

It’s time to get over it, the pain of error
A life one used to treasure
But did you really believe that theory
Or did you grow tired and a bit weary?

Yourself or others, for whom did you live?
Did you really have all to give?
Suddenly, you put an end to it all
Now you have to accept the fall

Moving on is not so easy
The thought would make anyone queasy
Looking for acceptance in a loving place?
First try your young child’s face









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Soul Searching

To shout outwards in ease is who we are
we think.
Then we whisper looking inside to find
something left behind
rancid
We realize we haven't found ourselves
yet, we pretend
we've been looking
but we haven't really.
It's all too scarey like Kafka's Gregory
afraid we'll wake up like roaches
too pitiful to live.
We place our masks on in the morning 
for it's too bright out in the sun
a different face we lean on at night
whether full moon or not.
I've noticed people are reticent to soul search
they're too afraid of what they might find.
I've looked
I've found
I'm not quite sure what I'll do now.
This new found information leaves
me lost.


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TRAPPED IN THE FOG

Can somebody please explain to me?
Why is it that she hates what she sees?
A seemingly perfect life
She is forced to hide behind a smile
Scared to face the truth
With a glance in the mirror, she doesn’t recognize her own reflection
A young girl’s view so distorted she feels so lost
Terrified to disappoint, she forces herself to smile
The girl trapped inside, so desperate to break free
And with every passing moment, the beauty inside begins to fade
It fades further and further away
She has lost herself
So desperate to belong, yet she is unable to move on
Unaware of the damage she has caused, she lives in a dream
She is trapped in the fog
She continues to live her seemingly perfect life
Never showing the fear
Never showing the pain
Never showing the tears, she hides from herself
Her reality is one where the truth can no longer be found
Why is it that no one can see the beauty of the girl trapped inside?
Why it is that no one can see that this girl is me??


Details | Narrative | |

I Will Be There No More

Every day it gets progressively worse
You always find a new way to make me hurt
My anger fills my mind and leaves my pores
All I can do is release it on a door
My heart is cold and fingers are aching
You can see and feel my heart breaking
Just love me the way I love you
You and I both know that you do
But you are scared and you are blind
Realization is what you must find
You lie to me as if I don't matter
Every lie you tell just makes me shatter
This time you tore my heart
And you threw it to the floor
If you hate me so much
Then I will be there no more...


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What I Pray

Walking down the hallway.
People look at me.
Clinging to my books.

Starring straight ahead;
focusing on the door.
Dodging dirty looks.

Standing at my locker.
I make no eye contact.
She whispers" Your such a freak"

Run to the door;
Make my way to the bus.
They throw stuff at me.

Keep forward,
finally get home.
I silently go to my room.

Fall to my bed;
break completely down.
So lost and hurt and gloom.

My parents go out,
Alone with the T.V on.
They say I'll be all right.

Make my way to kitchen.
Tears swell in my eyes.
The Chef Knife shines bright.

Afraid and alone;
with a sinking heart.
Hold it, shaking in my fist.

Slowly move it to my arm.
Pale white it runs;
from my forearm to wrist.

Blood on the white tile.
My legs are cold.
All my limbs heavy.

The door opens.
My parents are home.
My mother holds me.

Closing my eyes,
breathing slowly.
I sleep...

and if I die before I wake.
I pray to God.
My soul to take.


Details | Narrative | |

After Dinner

After dinner
Taco night
Nearly midnight
Running up the stairs

Oh God
I had done so well
The family ate
And I ate
Seven o’clock on a Tuesday 
Only two
I only ate two
No cheese
No sour cream
I had done wonderfully

Eleven thirty on Tuesday
Everyone in bed
Everyone but me 
I approached the kitchen
I ate it all

No one saw how much was left
They won’t notice it’s gone
I put it all away
They didn’t see it
But I ate it all

Running up the stairs
They have their fans on
They’re asleep
They won’t hear me

I find my familiar place
Kneeling at my altar
Forgiveness is always found here
It’s time to confess my sins

My fingers slip into a spot they know too well
I struggle for a moment
Nothing will come up
Oh God
No
Don’t let it stay inside me
Another moment
Gagging
Retching
I feel it coming now

Oh thank God
It’s all gone
Now I can sleep soundly

I wash my hands and face
Rinse my mouth
I look in the mirror
Why?
Why is this happening?
Oh my God
Look at me
This can’t be me
This can’t be what I’ve become

But what choice do I have?


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I Understand

The things we bury within our mind
like a ravenous forager returning a find
all the cracks between our multiple side
along with the secrets we try to hide
drowning in illusory shames false tide

respectability can be a curse
not being yourself is even worse
to live a life that's not your choosing
neglected in love and left for boozing
rather ignored than regular bruising
we all get just one short life at a time
before our return to the eternal sublime
just being yourself, enough mountain to climb
can't lose yourself forever, in wondrous rhyme
thoughts can have a solitary hold
so take my hand, let's run, be bold
I want to show you Love before death or old
forget instructions, or father might scold
we dream a story that deserves to be told
the warmth I feel, just knowing you're there
all that's against us, I'm tearing my hair
your hand I desire, much more than air
see, a storm always subsides, weather turns out fair
so please kindly relinquish, any pent up despair
you can't let go of hope or optimism
living by someone else's mannerism
Otherwise, you have lived your life inside a prison,
 forced to live inside a prism!
©John-Ovan.P.Hull


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Twin blood

How can i Rest!!!
How could you take a girl child from me
How could you forcefully take her
Shes only 6 years of age 
All she needs is a motherly care
Do not do this to her and her sister
Because they will never forgive you
Why keep them apart
Is it that you want me bordered
Well you can please yourself 
But justice comes soonest
There after you have lost it all
How can i rest without uniting the innocence
I will fight to the last blood in my vein
As i will never give up on them
Finally!i see you loosing them forever
The clock of  their freedom is ticking 
Silence! I can hear the voice calling....


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Escape From a Sinkhole

Escape From a Sinkhole There is a friend of mine He is so very dear to me His smile is like sunshine Friends we will always be He has a heart that is very kind Where others take advantage of Since love tends to really be blind Usually the use is mistaken for love One day when he was helping someone By pulling that person out of a sinkhole He didn’t see his ground caving in some As he pulled, his strength was taking its toll The one who he was helping, didn’t even see That the ground around him was caving in Well I was there, it just so happened to be So I began to pull him from that situation He is just about out of that hole right now As we keep working on setting him free We will figure it out someway somehow For him to get above ground eventually The escape from a sinkhole is hard to do Unless you have a special hand to lend Coming from one, you can hold on to That is only found within a true friend Florence McMillian (Flo)


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My Thoughts

Here I am. Alone here I sat. 
My mind wrapped in many thoughts. 
Those I care not to have. 
The ones of my life, a woman near my heart. 
The pain and pleasures are like doing uppers and downers. 
Feeling your hearts going burst if it don't cease. 
What does one do in this case I wonder? 
It's not of my heart I want destroy but loving as the man I am. 
There the differculties are with being human. 
Not being able to control the thoughts as they run wild. 
What is it really like to live alone? 
I know its lonely but how does one cope with this? 
Even when their thoughts are upon things that matter. 
How does the mind think or is it really the heart feeling these thoughts? 
I know that's where the pain exist because its not my head that hurts. 
It is the thinking of having everything you ever wanted in life. 
Including the woman you love so dearly. 
It is of my sucess I have accomplish even after many have robbed me blind. 
It is that will to survive that keeps my fight alive. 
But that of my inner being telling me that life is a lie. 
That it's only a joke to live. 
But there I have struggle still standing tall even when I am knock down. 
It is the eye of the tiger and the roar of a lion I cry. 
That of my soul just feels like screaming to the top of my lungs and falling to my knees and 
saying,lord take me. 
Ease this pain I'm in. 
But let not life kill me nor my thoughts I have. 
But make me stronger in thy ways. 
But end this day and not let me wake. 
For I am dieing of these thoughts and feelings I have,Please! 
Somebody help me before I go insane and lose my mind. 
These thoughts are crazy but of a woman I love. 
That I can not stand the thought of her in others arms. 
But my thoughts is I must go on. 
Because I am the man I am and there's nothing I can do about this. 
Except stay strong and survive until the day of my life has come. 
By then,I probably be old and grey,still wondering how I'm going to make the next day.


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THE DAY HER LIFE WENT ASTRAY

The day her life went astray
Just two days before her big day
Barely a teen, unaware of the battle soon to be seen
So adored by all, the first to be there for anyone about to fall
She now wakes up everyday just to find herself wondering why
Was it because of her past that she was destine to crash

She wakes up everyday
Simply to find herself wondering why
Each day the event becoming clearer
Like watching it unwillingly through a two-way mirror
Unable to stop the events about to unfold
He invades her mind, body and soul

Two days before her big day
She moves along emotionless
 Her sixteenth birthday spent in bed wishing she were dead  
Was it because of her path that she was destine to crash
Her life at the mercy of his will
Every sick desire she was forced to fulfill
Once so normal in every way, the last girl anyone thought would go astray

She wakes up everyday
Remembering how the were tears streaming down her face 
Believing that now she was a complete disgrace
To weak to fight
She survived that torturous night by knowing it wasn’t right
She was tricked… 
A repeat like him knew exactly what victim to pick
There was no going back
She then refused to let him derail her off the tracks

I wake up everyday
To find myself realizing there is no answer why  
No longer harboring any part of the blame 
No scarlet letter, no hidden shame
I get pleasure as he rots in an eight by ten cell
And I get to smile again knowing he is stuck in his own personal hell 
He who stole something so dear from me
I can chuckle as he will never be free


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the image

she met this girl
by the sand pitch 
where they played
and told their darkest secrets

This girl told 
once she was afraid 
of the mirror
because it revealed to her
this other pale little image
that was just scared to lift
its eyes

That image in the mirror
cried tears,desperate tears
that made her 
fear tomorrow
because everyday
her need grew 
but she was 
just too scared to 
stop,step back and say
"i need..."

it slept nights 
in a haunted  house
where five ghosts that 
lived in it wrestled 
to be unleashed
Their power frightened her

that image would
never leave the mirror
because that now,has become
its home
And there its allowed
to voice its endless thoughts
that a human mind could not console
thoughts of a wild mind that do not rest
and can take a wicked ride
on infant hearts 
and toxicate them 'til they 
are colourless

That very image
Is the one you are looking at...
that image 
lives with me


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Washed Away My experience with Katrina

Innocent victims cry in the dark
Forced to take refuge in that park
Such wrath began to fall
For I shall never forget the day I got that call
Silence and sorrow heavy in the air
It was like nothing I could ever compare
Days turned to weeks
Thousands take dwelling beseeching for any relief
Thousands left waiting in utter disbelief 

I was supposed to be deployed
Yet an injury kept me here
My fellow workers attacked at the dome
Traumatized and in complete fear some had to return home
I feel so guilty
So guilty I should have been there
Innocent victims crying
Innocent victims now dying

An event so devastating
The stench of death filled the air 
We could not fathom something so unfair 
I counseled innocent victims
Still sticking strong to their convictions 
I still recall every haunting voice
Confused, frustrated and displaced
Innocent victims left without a choice

Families torn apart on that day
The day the levees broke
Families losing all hope
My job was to help them cope
Innocent victims left to cry in a park
Fear increases when light turns to dark
Like declaring Martial Law
Lives washed away, all humanity started to fall

On the dawn of a new day
So joyous… even an atheist bowed her head to pray
The media coverage was what really brought aid
Oh no!
Politicians began to look bad so of course something had to be done
Late in action but at least more help had come
There is still work to be had
Many left permanently sad
Entering in hundreds of names to locate the missing or those declared dead
Debriefed each night just to clear my head
I still remember so clearly the desperation and panic
When Katrina came in August 
Life turned frantic
Overwhelming emotions; I felt completely manic 
I will never forget the victims I helped in such grief
I hope when the bodies were identified; I wish just some…
Some could give a sigh of relief

It is important we do not forget those still suffering
The child who didn’t get the last kiss
The parents who will be dearly missed
We all have the ability to help
1,836 people dead!
Work together and ease the sorrow… 
Another disaster could just happen tomorrow
Make time to reach out 
So many innocent victims still in need
We all are capable of doing a good deed


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Leopoldo Lugones

With a shadow around him,
He was slowly drinking
Whisky and cyanide,
Walking in silence towards his death,
He was watching a river,
Dreaming of  becoming a river,
And sleeping like a river-
He reached the shore of his dream 
Now he sleeps, without end
With Argentina placed in his breast


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TOMORROW, A BLURRED VERSION OF MY TODAY

He promised, 
he would not do it again
it was a once off thing
but his anger is so uncontrollable
it makes him so unpredictable…

now I walk around on edge all the time
waiting,
anticipating,
when it will happen again
he said it is only because 
he loves me…

I’m so confused
“do you think love constitutes hitting me?”
“do you think I deserved it?”
Maybe I should have ironed his shirt like he asked
Maybe, just maybe he would not have slapped me…

He did give me a diamond necklace 
to show how sorry he was the first time
but last night he turned on me again
I could not go to work today
I will have to stay in doors for a while…

I can’t look anybody in the face
My eye half shut and inflamed 
They will think I deserved this,
He did say it is my fault

Tomorrow, I’m going try to be a better wife
And not give him a reason to lash out at me
I wonder how many tomorrow’s I’ll see,
through half opened eyes…

*Ps: This is a piece I wrote a while back inspired by the women I worked with who was in 
abusive relationships*


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Hurt and You Could Have it All

upstairs in my room
i put my ear to the floor
only to hear my parents screaming
the argument is about me
my mom yells "look at what your son has become!"
Heartless, unintelligent, fake...
my father replies back
"hes your son, hes your own pile of dirt!"
whenever my family is out together
we act happy like these fights never happen
but every night they do and i cant tell anyone
i have to act like someone else in order not to get introuble
What have i become?...hurt..dishonest..will this feeling dissapear?
I will drag you down and i will make you hurt..
I lift my head from the floor
still hearing the angry voices of my parents
i found an old needle, and i dug it into my skin
the next morning i go downstairs
with a cut off shirt on, and baseball shorts
My father grabs my arm
"what is this boy?"
i yank my hand away from him and i sit down on a chair
"its nothing sir"
my father repeats "are you cutting yourself?, why?"
i grab my bookbag and i disapear out the door
My father runs outside pulling me to the ground
"are you cutting yourself boy?!" he screams
i say "no sir i just scrapped my arm on my dresser"
My father grabs my face
"you better not cut yourself again" he replies
He hits my face, as i lay on the ground.
I didnt wake up until i felt something wet drip on my face
it was raining and dark outside
i run into the house and into the bathroom
looking into the mirror i see the bruise that was left on my face
My father wasnt home and my mother went to bed
"everything goes away in the end right, if i let him have it all, my moms pile of dirt?"
I sit upon my liars chair full of broken memories i cannot repair 
I become someone else, but the old me is still right there
if i could start again a million miles away i would keep myself
i will find my way



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All I Wanted

For years
I have always cried myself to sleep,
But that started after those bullies' words
Began to creep
Into my mind,
My optimism and happiness had become blind.
Making me think that I was always alone.
I seen how I was bratty and seemed to be happy,
But inside,
My inner sadness resides.
The tears that I cried
Were all about me wanting or needing
Someone to be by my side.
Every night
I wished for a less lonelier life.
Nobody could come over or sleep over sometimes
And I would be doing nothing
Except for thinking
About my life's meaning.
A close friend was all I've been asking for:
Someone who would talk to me everyday,
Even when the sky's grey.
Someone who would listen to me carefully
And comfort me later on in the day.
All I wanted
Was a true friend.


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Wilted and Willed

I'm lost, so lost,
Can't find my way
And the women there
Just point and wave.
Won't so much as
To try and help
This small, frightened person
Face the right path.

But I'm so lost,
Wanting to be found,
Hoping to find myself.
Just need a hint...
Anything is good enough!
Something has to give,
And I won't cave.
No matter the cost.

A leaf floats by
There is nothing else.
No complaints here, it
Will have to do.
Into haunted memories and
Down sinful thoughts, now
Starting to feel affections,
Feelings. Not just emptiness.

Almost there, keep going...
Just a bit further!
But no, the leaf
Is caught in water.
A wondrous, rushing river
Happens to hold it.
My dear leafy friend.
Still, I must continue.

Walking through scary feelings,
Violent emotions, vivid thoughts.
Walking is not possible.
Soon, dashing is all
That can keep me
Safe from all of
Those awful things inside.
Is this really me?

That is not what
Is wanted of myself!
Please, change these horrors!
Someone, tell me now,
Tell me to stop!
No forgiveness is expected
But please, help me...
Save me from myself!

Warmth, a certain type
Spreads all around me.
It swallows me entirely.
Holding my broken being
Together as if it
Were made of mega-magnets.
Then I hear it...
“That is all, now...”

Nothing comes to me.
Now I realize that
It never will come.
But I have to
Go to it, so
Sitting in one place
Will get me nothing.
Have to keep going.

The walk through emotions
Soon becomes a fight
For my self control.
Then the feelings rise
And I knock them
Down. Thoughts that were
Snakes, venomous and threatening,
Were felled by me.

I was completely lost
And not a single
Person would help me.
Found myself, and pulled
Through all of the
Sinful desires around me.
Now finally, I am
Just a calm entity.


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A Star Lit Sky (What Reminds Me Of You)

Upon the setting of the days bright sun
A new sun arises in the dark of the night
With silver lights that shine and dazzle
like your beautiful eyes

The darkness reminds me of the calmity of your voice
 Oh yes that voice that has saved me so many times
And the moon Yes the moon
reminds me of the soft pale glow of your fragile skin

But then you left...
I was so cold and alone
It took my will to live
Please just let me die alone
Because its already over for me now

Just as i thought I was going to die alone 
Someone who reminded me of you 
Came and picked me up
Healed my wounds but i am still scared by you
I will never forget those nights and days at the brink of suicide

I will live on to love the person that reminds me of you.


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Red Eyes and Sinister Looks

Chains, hay forks, knives, and a hollow whisper,
become more true and sinister.
Halt in the middle of the moon light, 
and a waver image soon is no delight.
Voices run a muck in the head, 
so not calming you wish you were dead.
Gushing blood through the eye
not an image that you would rely.
Nails stuck on your neck with such pain
so your paralyze just little life sustain.
Hoodlums terrorizing people running a muck
did not really know they are in luck.
More dangerous beings are out their
to commit such act and with sinister stare.
Laughing with haunting echo's through
is an aspect of fear can imbue.
The wind changes direction to smother
the echoing sound of laughter.
The panicking state that you are in
soon drives a knife within.
Blood rushing out of your vain
a crucial part of your life dropping like rain.
Running without a destination
you will never reach anyone of your relation.
Sliding your body on a wall
keeping your fall in a stall.
Red eyes you can see it at night
is soon devouring you with little bite.
Changing your belief with tonics of relief
and it is to late to turn a new leaf.
Ears start to deceive the animals sound
eating limbs are chewing around.
Slowly your red eyes steadily getting heavy
is starting to take your life with a levy.
Dropping down with no attitude
and your life force slowly loses altitude.
Breathing comes not so easy
smelling flesh seems so beastly.
The change comes a desire
with frightening red eyes of fire.
Comes more lethal than the hoodlums 
your heart beating like drums.
Your hand becomes all fury
claws come out and your howl with furry.
Trance your in with no one to blame
a rage thats hundreds of centuries of flame.
Rising from a slumber of long lust
a animal instinct that you can trust.
Tearing things apart with no meaning
is a trait that is so deceiving.
Red eyes at night you see in a window
like a poisonous black widow.
Keeps you in attack mode of insanity
that takes all your vanity.
Ferocious emotions eating away
the soul that you had once betray.
The echoing sounds of loud thunder
breaks away the armor with sunder.
You fall once again to torturous agony
the feeling of one self is so lonely.
Shaking in the corner you are found
with blood soaked skin you drowned.
The night becomes day cruel in some way
your memories go in disarray.
The hunters with torches and sinister look
had parted way their hands shook.


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The tears of my heart

My eye's, they cry the tears of blood they bleed. 
The pain, the sorrow. It leaves its stain upon the surface. 
I lay there in this pull of blood. 
That of the trigger I pull. 
I give my life to another as I waste away and die. 
Not in existance but tears of my heart my soul cries. 
There it as loud as the shot you here. 
Not just there but the blade cuts deep. 
Deep in my being to which it rips flesh of my inner being. 
My body, dead in this life. 
There's no love for loyality of ones soul. 
There he give all not to die but give his life that if he should betray it is with dignaty he ends. 
With honor and heart. 
Tears of my heart is that of the trials I live but even more of a love torn from my flesh. 
There,I live no more. 
Only to turn to dust and return to the earth. 
Forgive me my father,for I guess I am not worthy of this love you gave. 
Though I try,regardless I have failed. 
For it is not strong enough for one to believe or to share its life. 
But to destroy and bleed tears of my heart. I cry them in hurt. 
Make it quick that I feel not the pain. 
But die quickly only to be rebirth of something less worry. 
But give me that life I desire. 
That of my soul dies,I can't live on. 
As the tears of my heart falls in blood red.


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I Never Found Sense in Burning My Own Poems

You know, I planned on turning in early;
Put myself down to rest, but something 
About the rhythmic tapping always gets the best
Of me. That nervous twitch that supersedes 
Me physically. Drawing out the the words in the only way I know how.
"Standchen" with ears wide open! No need for eyes.
All I need to see is written delicately in front of me.
Poetio Concerto: orchestrated as I feel fit.
I planned on turning in early; putting my pen down.
Days had passed until I asked myself "could I leave something so profound"?
A once burning passion turned draining obsession. 
Every emotion, every waking moment, all of lifes components;
Taken, twisted; cramped into metaphors and analogies.
But who will be the next to read? Not I said the author.
I cannot cut myself with the swords that I have made
Written down on paper are thoughts that I have slayed.
Take them and do with them what you will.
I've hid them, saved them; watched them stale in a pile.
I've kept them safe inside a folder, and I've burned them
Watching every stanza smolder.
I never found sense in burning my own poems,
It helps me forget, at least that's what I told her.
I planned on turning in early but it always seems to find me.
An ugly little thing, this poetry.
"Teasing Comb" an emotional plea turned cruel prophecy.
I will not write my future, I refuse to.
I am no puppet master and puppets I refute you. 
My doubts, my fears, I speak of them freely.
I've learned: speak of your weaknesses and you will seem weak.
Speak of your strengths and you will seem strong.
But speak of your insecurities and you will be underestimated;
Put in a position to prove everyone wrong.
I speak of myself freely to make all of me strengths
And through this I do to prove myself wrong and will continue and any length.


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Don't Forget Your Umbrella

What happens when everyone forgets 

Except I, who am not allowed?

They laugh happily under blue skies and golden sun 

While I get soaked by pissing clouds. 

Ignorance is bliss is an understatement. 

Don't forget your umbrella.


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There's HOPE by Juliet Rosa 7th grade

You might be in a 
bad situation,
but let me tell you something.
There's HOPE!

You might be willing
to make the wrong choice,
but let me tell you something.
There's HOPE!

You might feel guilty about the traumatic
experience you lived that day,
but let me tell you something.
There's HOPE!

You might be depressed about
what you accidently did,
but let me tell you something.
There's HOPE!

You might be dying on
the inside,
but let me tell you something.
There's HOPE!

You might think there's
no way out,
but let me tell you something.
There's HOPE!


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Stuff In The Back Of My Pickup Truck

I was asking a friend just the other day 
If there was anything he'd do to help me on my way 
He said he'd like to but I was asking to much 
All that stuff in the back of my pickup truck 
I haul it around every where I go 
Where its gonna end up I don't know 
One day I'm gonna get rid of that junk 
That stuff in the back of my pickup truck 
It's full of broken promises and wasted prayers 
A lot of hurt feelings caused by I don't cares 
Love gone bad loaded up with pain 
Its enough to drive a normal man insane 
Every place I go, I think I don't belong 
I just can't understand where I went wrong 
But people don't care why my life is so tough 
Damned that stuff in the back of my pickup truck 
Could unload any place, of no use, not very fair 
Lord I am on my knees with a foxhole prayer 
Please take this hell away from this old drunk 
Rid me of the stuff in the back of my pickup truck 

 

 

David Gary Pennington 

 

 

 

 

 


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Too Late

She sits in a corner,
feeling unwanted, alone.
Her friends and family deserted her,
they've been silent for weeks.
Where are they?
No one to talk to,
she clutches her pills,
and stares at the water that's been there for hours.

She thinks.

It's her birthday today,
but nobody called.
Today, yesterday, or before.
She pines for the phone to ring,
but knows it won't.
None of her friends are home, or family.
They must be out together
 - without her.

She swallows and listens
to her shallow breathing cease.
The phone rings.

She'll never hear them say,
"Surprise".


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Walking to Redemption

Stuck in a place with negativity bound within it's Walls. I need to get out of here, before the phone rings with insanity's calls. I burst out of the door into the streets owned by the night. Shadows staring back dodging the lamps light. I begin to walk down the urban corridor of uncertainty. The workers of soul catchers carry out their shady activity. I find myself in the empire of danger invoking pure photo-phobia It's a small price to pay for escaping the mecca of claustrophobia. As I reach the climax of the spiraling vortex tunnel. I walk on tenterhooks as my problems funnel. Facing me at the end of this path, is a door laced with remorse around it's edges. The entrance to unknown stands out with a line of devoted pledges. Those waiting and queuing are the damned and the lost. As I drift towards them, I wonder how much my sin will cost. For I felt the weight of the pressure and stress, forcing me into the light of shame? For I was the puppet master, who poured onto me the petrol and drew the flame. My moment of selfishness was a cardinal sin to myself and others. lacking consideration, deprived of thought for my sisters and brothers. That self indulgent cowardliness, has lead me to this final act. A door beaten with the hands of the damned, regardless it's still intact. As the number descends down to it's final member. I stand there understanding my sin, bound to surrender. Reaching out I grasp the golden handle, and turn it to the right. As I push forward on the door and out bursts a green neon light. My chance of escape has come to a halt, it's time for me to face the jury's end. I stand by my plea of weakness and insanity, as into the court I descend. A skeleton of the peril court rises with a verdict and answer. The jury has decided I was overtaken by a vicious cancer. The disease wasn't voluntary but they agree my cure wasn't correct. My punishment is to fade into the man that never was, with immediate effect.


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I'm Sorry I Can't Be Perfect

I try not to think about the pain inside
That is the one thing that I always try to hide
It's just to late and we can't turn back
There is one thing, the only thing that I lack
I try so hard to make it but I just can't take
We've lost it all and nothing lasts forever
I feel like you haven't noticed my love ever
I'm never going to be good enough for you
I just wish that our world was made for two
You just don't understand how hard I try
To make your heart love me inside
It hurts me when you can't even see it
I hope that you can at least feel it
I can't stand another fight
My soul is lost every night
I just want you to feel
That my love for you is real
I hope that someday you will see
That you are in love with me...


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A Shot In The Dark { Narrative}

helplessly he stumbled 
through the door
holding his bloody chest 
Mother gazed into 
her fourteen year old eyes 
and just knew that he was up 
to his old antics of gang banging 
Yelling and cursing did nothing 
to wake this kid up 
Mother's tears flooded 
like an open gate 
she wondered 
where she went wrong 
raising him 
for he had the best 
of everything 
a home a job an education 
anything he wanted 
or needed 
was right at his fingertips 
maybe having only one parent 
in the household 
or just not enough discipline 
now she stands helplessly 
over her young sons 
lifeless body 
lying on the kitchen floor
in a pool of blood 
all that she could do now
was to pick up the phone 
and call the police 
and the morgue 



Tribute To Children


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I WANT WAR


Why we have missiles?
To get them rusted in some iron containers,
And to do nothing when we continue to loose our men,
children in ghastly act done by coward soldiers of terrorists.


Why we have army, air-force & navy when we don’t have courage,
To fight that bastard who is responsible for every tear of my eye.
I hate dying like this again & again after every ridicules shot of those
Terrorists, if they want to kill me, kill me before me but not after me.


My life has changed because of that hidden enemy, I get checked
Every time I go to my metro or library as if I am not a human being
But an object, I am tired of this life; you may not see the chains I am in,
But let me tell you, I am not free.


They kill me in bus, train, market, plane; they kill me in hotel, road, beach and
Lane. They kill me anywhere they want and I get killed easily and always.
If it’s only me who has to get killed every time and everywhere then why not
In a bigger occasion like a war then to find a bomb in my own car.


Enough is enough ……….. I want WAR.


This time I am not going to blame any minister, politician, officer,
Policeman or even my enemies.
If it’s my fate to live like this, I am going to accept it and fight against it,
To either win my life or loose it, bravely.


When my GOD send me to this earth, he didn’t told me that I have to
Live in such a great fear and uncertainty.
That means he wanted me to enjoy life free & fearless and going by his
Choice, I will not leave myself on the mercy of some ill-minded men.


I miss the song of sparrow in this noise of guns; I miss the smell of air which is
choked by the smoke of burning layers, I miss all the things I used to do freely
when I was small and I wish my earth would not have had to face these
days but I know life will never be the same again as it was.


This is not that kind of world; I would like to leave behind me for my children,
And to the people who will come on this land after me.
Its time to act, to do what is needed and to kill the killers before we get killed.
My patience has crossed the bar.


We cannot afford this ‘peace’ …………….I want WAR.


[Throughout the poem I- stands for INDIAN not for the poet]
………………………………………………………………………….by every INDIAN not only VG!!


Epilogue

After the Mumbai attack on 26-29 November 2008 the poet was shattered, he was crying, he was angry, frustrated and wanted to launch a war on terrorists.


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Empty Woman

Once the strong, confident woman
She now struggles to remember the battles 
Battles fought and won
The triumphant joy

How foolish 
Believing
Hoping

Now afraid, weak and lonely 
Beyond emptiness 
Complete and utter starvation

Sad, unforgiving, unkind
Filled with betrayal
Unarmed for battle
Alone

Share the wisdom of her pain
Don’t waste it


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suffocate

                                                  

      She told me I should do this and that but everytime I called on her she always turned 

her back.  I get it now I see now you never really loved me, your ashamed of me and this 

has been way before u found out that I was into girls.  You would tell me all the time how 

you wish my stomach would go away, but I am me and you are you.  I bet just for one day 

you couldnt walk a mile in my shoes.....  All thee things you put me thru and all the times I 

depended on you, I wonder how you would feel if the rest of your kids turned their backs 

on you too. The feeling of neglect and mental abuse from you, in the back of my mind there 

are so many devious things I could do to you, but I am not going to put my hands on you 

because I know there will be plenty of nights that you will cry the blues.....


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My Battle

I was broken and bloody My soul was torn asunder,So death came for me.He thought it would be easy I thought I was done. But when he reached out to take my soul My spirit which was fading fast found its last ounce of strength and began to glow with an amazing power. So a battle began a battle for my soul. My tattered body then feel into a coma to try and save the last bit of its self.The battle raged within me for a full day. Somehow my spirit weak and faded managed to give death all and more then it could take. The battle ended and I awoke....alive the victor. So the question I ask the world is "If I still won the battle that weak and tired. What is there that I can't do if given the time to heal?"


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A part of me

A part of me is dying
There is no point left in crying

Everything is wrong,
and my heart has been bonged.
Im left confused
not knowing what to do.

The world has lost its mind
And now a part of me 
dies cause you never noticed
me crying while i lie dying.


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The Sky, The Tree and the House

A man and woman 
Lived side to side
A tree and English house
A pen is found on former’s hand
That knows no fetterings

His tales are based on happiness
A simple life with a tree
While all the while the woman sighs 
The binds of residency

She brings her ladder down to him
Slowly down the tree
To invite him into her bleak
And somehow make him stay

The scarcity of the man’s life it seems
To be her serenity

And sadly so, she is declined
By the man who bears her love
A tear then falls to the saddened house
Accentuating the depression

A drop, five drops and a shower
As the skies sang with her sadness
The sky that longed the woman’s touch
Has decided how he could love her

The hardened tree falls at the man
In solemnity he was crushed 
To which befalls the irony
Her then desire was to be gone

Two bodies felled to the silent ground
The woman and the man’s
An oak that fell at storm’s command
A crime of love it seems

Love lost, unreturned and forever gone
Longings torn from the hearts


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Guilt

Guilt is the word 
regret and deceit flood my heart 
as I look at my daughter 
and what could of been 
Guilt is the feeling 

At the window bottom she sits 
waiting for me to come 
it's not going to happen 
as my mistress is home 
What could have been? 

Blonde hair, Blue eyes
So patiently she waits for her dad
the one who she adores 
but does not know 
How could I leave her? 

Walking the dark cold streets
I see her face in my head 
Them big glazed eyes
Brings a lump to my throat 
What have I missed out on?

Into this woman she blossoms
making decisions of her own 
leaving me behind 
asking questions 
Why wasn't I there for her?

Guilt is the feeling
regret and deceit flood my heart
as she moves on without me 
everytime I look at my daughter 
Guilt is the feeling


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The Addiction Of Bipolar

I wake to cold sweats scratches
From Sleeping on this broken mattress
Outside is cold but its my home, My palace
My brain crashes from this addiction
I so I need that fix to get me back high
I'm trying to fix the broken pieces missing inside
I've seen heroin take my best friends life
Yet I still inject it, Why? 
Why wont this addiction just Roll over
Now I'm diseased with this thing called bi polar
A world trapped in eternal sadness
For others beautiful for some so numb
While I'm covered in an eternal blackness
They say I need to take these pills before 
I turn to madness
But there my thorn digging my side
As sharp as a cactus 
No wonder I have this cuts of pure madness
Because it aches stomach pains Nausea vomiting, Insomnia
Give me a story of drama
But then my dis honer
Had to cut my wrist to see that this blood
is thicker than is vodka
Slowly sinking under water
Holding a ton of bricks on my shoulder
Only makes me stronger
In order to move on we have to see the rain
live through the pain
before we get that sunshine once again!


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Beauty and the Unpublished Author


Far away in a little town tucked in the corner of a map
Lives the girl who ruined his heart
And broke his life

While with him she would smile and laugh so sweet
Tender as only she could be
In his heart she lit even the corners so deep

With time she became his definition of life
In all he did he had her in mind
Life wasn’t life without him seeing her smile

As moments grew into weeks
The flower of his heart started to reveal its wilt
In her eyes no longer was the sparkle he was used to seeing

Winds carried awful odour of their disorder
Tales went round of her illicit exploits behind the counter
The man with the shop at the corner savoured all the honey she offered

At first he dismissed the whispers with laughter
But soon he discovered he was the only one on the other side of reality’s border
Yes indeed, another prince had taken over

Trouble was how sincerely he loved her
Problem was that even she had only love to offer
Issue was he hadn’t yet sold a dime of the books he authored


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Last seconds

Any minute now, getting colder by the second almost gone Only darkness now and it's so cold. My spirit has been crushed, My soul has been destroyed and my heart was thrown away. I'm just empty like the darkness that comes for me. Any second now it's just so very col......


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The Sea Blue Eyes II

There she is the false image standing quietly
She is just standing looking at a beautiful flower
She notices her passion of earthy desire
Something is happening she burst into the sun
I look up as her hands grasp my face
Her sea blue eyes gazed at me
Her warm hand and then a bright light blinded me
I went down on my knees and cried
The salty water dropped on to the ground 
I live by the ocean so deep
I do not know how to swim
By the thought of a beautiful look 
That made me shake
With fear in my head I saw those Sea Blue Eyes
I cannot restrain myself she burst into the sun
What is going on is it just the feeling of being left behind
She was a desire and now I have none
Driving nuts and insane what will I do
Believing such a image is a dream
I walk on the sand by the ocean with flowers in my hand
Raising it to the sky and trying my best to lure her
The image came close 
It pulled me into the ocean I was soaked
What a lonely human being I am
I grope the sky with such desire
I look pitiful and look anguished
What horrible feeling I have to pull the beauty that is nature down
The wind blew one day the image once more appeared
A young woman standing beside a flower with deep Sea Blue Eyes
Looked at me a glance of hope and happiness came
I reached for her and all of a sudden I fell into a deep sleep
Months past they had told me that I jump off a cliff 
They explained that the flower patch was by it
I realize heaven and earth cannot be reached with out a sacrifice
With meaningless thoughts I would wonder of to the cliff area
To see the ocean were it meets and ends
I was told a story long ago that the feelings of the ocean can seep into your soul
The trend of this story came shortly after some deaths
I was fooled the lady with the Sea Blue Eyes can manipulate anyone
Ladies and men, she is an illusion of the utmost desire
Blaming everyone human kind knowing they are lyres
The ghostly images that creeps everyone is oneself
Desire falls upon those who are lonely 
Believe of the unnatural becomes science
The Sea Blue Eyes is no lie cause they have been taking souls
Through century they have been taking souls for tolls
I stood once again near the ocean reaching to the sky
Lonely I was ready to disappear 
One day she not the lady of the sea it was the one I knew
I was blessed that day she embrace me 
I then fell into a slumber of bliss and desire
Now I just hear voices and I am paralyze down
A disappointment I was fooled once more by the Sea Blue Eyes 

To be continue.


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My World

My world has always been a world of eternal dusk not so dark I could not see but not light enough to see more then a foot in front of me. There are other people in this world I can just barely see them. They are transparent just outlines of people when I watch them move it seems like the air around them is honey they move so slow. I have screamed at them them but they seem unable to hear or see me and I pass right through them If I reach for them. As the years have gone by I have grown to realize that they are not just outlines but I'm the one who is not fully here. This is how I have been living my life as an outline and as the years kept passing I found myself becoming less and less of what I was,slowly began to lose my mind. No longer trying to get people to see me or hear me I have been walking up and down the same road mumbling to myself for the past 10 years. But a week ago a light appeared just a dim light far off into the distance but a light none the less. I have been slowly drawn to this light ever since. It's still so far away but I have begone to hear a soft female voice calling to me. But I'm fading so fast I am trying with everything I have left to reach that light and find where the voice is coming from.


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My Last Words

Sanity has left my mind now
I cry in the darkness as I bow down
I think of you under the pale moon
How could you hurt me like this
When all I ever did was love you
I loved you once, I love you still
Always have, Always will
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
But the thought of being all alone
Chills me to my very last bone
I wish I was as invisible as you make me feel
Even though love is what you cannot feel
I will never be able to reach you
But my last words will be
I Love You...


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Forgotten Fate

Introduction: For those who’re wandering confused within the lost and found - seeking silence…


Truth be never futile Stay and see awhile, Call back your forgotten dreams And feel that frozen smile, Linger of Love be worth eternal wait; When the time is right – That verity we do still hate And later we wind up too late, There forth we get lost in fate We get bemused with our innate That we can’t still relate, Don’t take on yourself as bate As never you trust an inmate, Our hopes and thoughts they fade away And we just see closed gates, So slay the lies, dig up the truth Someday you shall find, your forgotten fate…


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Imagine

If all the things I have right now were taken away and I had nothing left I would fantasize about nature and how beautiful it is. I would imagine that I was swinging on an old tire swing in front of a river. In the river were little ducks and I would go feed them. In my life right now I don’t think of nature that way. I think if my freedom was taken away I wouldn’t take it for granted the way I do and I would know how much it actually means to me. I would also imagine my family getting together for my family reunion. We would usually have them in September. My aunt would make her fancy white cake topped with chocolate drizzle. My grandma always made her jello cake; I still don’t know exactly how she makes it. The others would bring KFC, at least three boxes full of chicken and fries. All the kids would sit together and play games and laugh as we threw food at one another. We would have a game where the kids lined up from age 1 to age 13 and you would get to pick a prize appropriate for your age. I would always get stuck with bath soap and tooth brushes.I take a lot of ordinary things for granted and I think a lot of people do but they won’t admit it. Sometimes I even take life and my freedom for granted. I think that if maybe we wouldn’t take things for granted like the trees or our freedom that maybe our lives would be a lot better and things wouldn’t happen the way they do. I have lived long enough to know that it won’t happen, nothing happens the way you want it to. Just a few months ago I lost my grandma and I couldn’t do anything to help her. I took all of the things she did for granted and now that she’s gone I miss her. She used to make this tuna casserole, it was just amazing but I never told her just how much she meant to me. I think if I would have told her that more then I wouldn’t feel so guilty or depressed that she is gone. I never told her what I needed to. If people could use the words of John Lennon “Imagine Peace” and actually think about it then maybe the world wouldn’t have to end because there wouldn’t be any enemies, murders, drugs, none of the bad things would have happened. If we could have just accepted everyone around us for who they are and known that one day we all have to die, we could have stepped back from it all and said I had a good life and I don’t regret any of it. I think it’s no good to step back from something and tell yourself that you could have done something to prevent it.


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What's Love Got To Do With It?

When she is pregnant, the father long gone, the street her home, she knows she cannot 
afford, or provide for you, yet, will not allow you to be forcefully taken from her womb.

When you are born, she leaves you on a door stoop instead of in a garbage dump.

Where after years of hardship and pain, she finds you once again, you reject her, then 
chastise her sin, send her away, do not let her defend against the hell she lives in.

When you marry in front of all your family and friends, the only one absent, your mother, 
you give nary a thought whether she is alive or dead.

When the day comes your children wonder why you never talk about your mother, they 
question what she did, to make you despise her, like no other.

When you realize there was no shame, she gave life over death, she gave you a chance you 
would never have, a home with a bed, instead of a crate over a grate.

When finally you search, years go by, until one day you discover her upon her death bed, 
your head awash with memories missed, those, you will never have, you look upon a face, 
you once looked upon with hate, tears held in check all these years, flow freely, 
overwhelmed with emotion, barely able to speak, she takes your hand, smiles, then closes 
her eyes.

The last she sees, her son at her bedside telling her he loves her, he wants more time, she 
dies peacefully, happier in this moment than any other time.

What's Love Got To Do With It?
Everything!


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REFLECTIONS

IF ONLY I HAD THIS LIFE TO LIVE OVER AGAIN:

Oh the changes I would have made.
I would have gone sleigh riding in the winter's snow,
I would have realized the miracle of the rainbow...
gazed at a sunset across the meadow.
It seems not so very long ago.
Forgive me Lord. I just didn't know!

IF ONLY I HAD THIS LIFE TO LIVE OVER AGAIN:

Oh the changes I would have made.
I would have hiked through a forest and hugged a tree...
spent more time with friends and family...
learned the lesson of the honeybee.
Unawareness is such a tragedy;
I was blind and did not see!

IF ONLY I HAD THIS LIFE TO LIVE OVER AGAIN:

Oh the changes I would have made.
I would have reflected more on what would carryon...
that which would endure long after I was gone...
thanked The Lord for the gift of each new dawn...
discovered the purpose of being born...
regrets forever I will mourn.

IF ONLY I HAD THIS LIFE TO LIVE OVER AGAIN:

Oh what different choices I would have made.
I would have set my mind on things above...
laughed more, played more, and shared God's Love...
listened to the songs of the turtledove;
for this is what life is made of.
God is the hand and we are the glove.

My eyes are slowly closing.
Something is happening to me!
There's a Bright Light I see!
I feel such peace...a serenity!


Milton L. Delgado
October 6, 1998


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Bad Daddy

No more daddy I shouted every time I saw your shadow.
Don't kiss me or touch me, no more beating with the paddles.
I can't stand the pain, why does it hurt me so bad?
Why do you abuse me, you're suppose to be my dad!
The night time falls, it's the worst time of the day.
Daddy leave me alone, please just go away.
I'm just a little girl, have not experience womanhood.
Can't enjoy my first time or enjoy the things that I should.
You should have loved and protected me and kept me from harm.
Instead you held and caressed me with those evil arms.
You stripped away my self-esteem, my beauty there is none.
I just hold still and pretend I'm dead until you are done.
This sad little girl growing up never knowing if true love can really be.
Relationships with different men, having sex because they say they love me.
My mind is confused, my goals have been scattered, my heart broken into pieces like glass that's been shattered. 
Can't turn back the hands of time and undo whats been done.
Never hearing a forgive no not one.
I'll try to forgive you, but I know i won't ever forget, reliving these moments makes me break out in a cold sweat.


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My Only Nightmare

I have only ever had one nightmare that kept me awake at night and has I sink ever deeper within myself.I can't help but think how I had everything I ever wanted friends, loved ones, people who cared and were always there.But one by one they started to fade away.Slowly at first one or two would leave then faster and faster still. I tried so hard to hold on to them to keep them close but they just faded faster.Until my nightmare became reality and I was alone.


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Harold Hart Crane

There is a thombstone in Ohio, with the inscription:
’’Harold Hart Crane:  Lost at sea.“
His words, soaked with tears blossom
Beneath the waves, in lonely, starving hearts
While he sleeps the sleep of the sea
Without his dark passion,
Free at last 
Calm at last


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UNKNOWN TIME

It was a miserable day out 
once during the hot summer
all through the evening
I heard only the children playing outside;
I looked out through my window
to recollect my childhood days..
something i found at that moment
a smile on my face
with tears in my eyes
I imagined that was a life otherside.

I saw the sun to settle down but 
that evening the moon didn't wake up
The stars were somewhere in the sky
that day it was out of sight through naked eyes.
A calm environment made someone's whisper louder
moment later a strong wind breaking that whisper
making miserable haunted clattering sounds outside.
Again i looked through my window
now i found the environment has changed 
from a hot sunny day to a dark lightning evening;
drops of water falling from the dark thunder clouds.
I experienced three different situations on the same day
from a miserable summer day to a calm evening 
from the calm evening to a haunted dark night.

I closed my eyes and counted from hundred to one
'it had been a miserable day
once during the hot summer;
It had been a painful life
once making a long journey'
'all through the evening
i heard only childrens' playing outside;
all through my life
i heard my own voice from inside'
'i looked through my window
to recollect my childhood days;
I asked my own heart
where i found only one name'
something I found at that moment
a smile on my face
with tears in my eyes
I imagined that was a life otherside.

I closed my eyes and counted from one to hundred-
I realized day by day my love to her perished down
this realization brought me a new life
but i found no love left within me
until i learnt there were no more water left in my eyes.
i met that unknown time when i heard another whisper
but moment later love brought me a natural death.
again i asked my heart
now i found it answered something has changed
from love to the coldest end.
I picked up the broken glasses and tried to see my own face
the images i got are solely all different.
and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it 
and see the broken glasses as long as I live.

------------------x---------------------------------


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Some Kind of Fairytale?

A/N: so i just found this poem wrote it so long ago, didn't even know it existed. Here it is.

Her dreams were filled with her prince,
the prince father took away,
as he locked her in the tower
and took away her day.
Light was lost from her eyes
and her warmth began to depart;
within her veins coursed poison
from a broken heart.
Dreams floated over the rainbow,
breaking with what load it bore
and those broken fragments she took,
bloody footprint to the door.
"Dear prince," whispered paling lips,
and shaking hands closed in prayer
"I'll see you there as always,"
And life left her empty body there.


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Happiness in the Making

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
A question I answered through a lot digging through a mental dump.
Most answer this question with the thought of fame or occupation,
And as a child I too gave the same answers without hesitation. 
Although rich and successful may be nice, to me that answer won't suffice.

An occupation is not a finite answer.
Anyone can be anything, so I consider what comes after.
Should the line for the answer to the question be drawn at the title that you carry?
After all, people change, titles change, and the results may vary.

What do I want to be when I grow up?
Thought after puzzled thought a concrete answer I finally mustered up.
Money and fame mean nothing to me, 
And financially I just want to live comfortably.
So what do I want to be when I grow up? I just want to be happy.

I don't mean happy in my situation or a relationship,
But the happiness only found after overcoming your hardships. 
I can't remember that last time I was truly happy
With myself, my situation, and the people around me;
Where I could wake up in the morning, look outside, and smile profoundly. 

In order for me to become what I want to be, all my goals have to come into fruition.
As of right now I'm just waiting for the pieces I know soon will to fall into place.
You can call it intuition. 

My happiness; well it's a work in progress of course.
I know exactly what I need and how to get it;
I'm just hoping logical progression takes its course. 

I'm in the pursuit of happiness,
And in it I'll either be a legend or another tragic story.


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A Modern Travesty

I Did Not Consume My Exquisitely Delicious Boston Cream At The Local donut shop on East Colonial Boulevard For Breakfast This Morning While On My Ravenous Way To My Place Of Employment .


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Death and beyond

Hours transpired like every other day. Perched on the trees, sparrows chirped, keeping the dreadful silence at bay, and sunlight across the land, whipped. Laid there on the grassy lawn, was a lovely lass dressed in a corset. Smelling the blossoms like a fawn, enchanted was she by nature's best. Up the hill ran a hysterical lad, his face as white as a sheet, shattered her heart to more than just a shard, and made her swoon to her feet. Minutes rolled to hours, and hours to days, and there she sat like a stone. With her eyes so lifeless and cold, her once rosy lips now as dry as a bone. Draining her blood was her soul, turning her visage as of a ghoul. Neither did she eat, nor drink, as she stooped over life's brink. Deep down was an endless bottom, which her rotting psyche couldn't fathom. The day came when her eyes lit up, like a hopeless spark in a dark cavern. She let go and set her eyes on the stars afar, and said "I'll be there wherever you are".


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Did You Arrive Before the Fall

Your bones are charred black and your skin pulled tight,
Red and sunken eyes, boasting filth and pain, hurt and loss.
Betrayed on a bed of the cotton kingdom,
Springs stick out like trees from soil.

Did you arrive before the fall?

Troy on his empire and you on your drugs,
Each grave from the same effect.
Blinds blinding dust from the peeking of eyes,
No sun in a room no one’s known or left behind.

Did you arrive before the fall?

Needles and alcohol litter every inch of carpet,
And you’re just another stain to its story.
Tourniquet, oh tourniquet, can you bring the empty now?
Don’t hold back, let it free, and flush the toxin to every vein.

Did you arrive before the fall?

Poison stock piled to the brim, I’m surprised you didn’t drown.
Baring sin, bearing secrets and I wish you could’ve saved yourself.
Falling to my knees and so much closer to your end.

Did you arrive before the fall?

A death you didn't attend.


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Me and Him

We can't share this body any longer Him and Me.He is killing me and draining me of my strength.He is a weak and pathetic excuse for a person. Oh how I despise him He is always crying and Constantly trying to kill us both. He has even come close a couple times it was my strength that brought us back! Oh how he makes my blood boil. I want him gone, I want to kill him! But he runs and hides from the light and has survived everything I have thrown at him. His only good quilty is that He just wont die. He is nothing but a cockroach and I want him GONE!


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The Legend Of Julie Faye

  
Her name was Julie Faye.
   She was a little runaway.
She ran from home, the scene was bad.
   Beaten by her mom, molested by her dad.
She fled to the streets she had no choice.
   At least out there she had a voice.
Just thirteen and on her own.
   Neither love nor kindness was ever shown.
No childhood life could she expect.
   And no expectations as to what life would offer to her next.
Panhandling on the street was the way to eat.
    But it’s a dead end road this life on the street.
Eating out of a dumpster sometimes was the only way.
   To feed yourself, stay alive for just one more day.
Little Julie reached a point where her sanity broke.
   The streets just too hard for a lot of folk.
On the overpass she stood with no good memories at all.
   As she climbed up on the railing I said be careful you’ll fall.
Well she smiled for the first time since we had met.
   She said I’m gonna do it, do you want to bet.
And before I could stop her she threw herself to the street.
   Julie Faye I’m gonna miss you, you were just too kind and sweet.
Julie why did you go and do that don’t you know that’s wrong?
    I’m sorry I didn’t see it coming, I didn’t know you weren’t that strong.
Well good luck to you Julie wherever your at.
   I guess I’ll take your bedroll you won’t be a needing that.
         Good Luck Julie !


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Emo Teenage Soul

So cold
So sad
So broken and alone
Just wondering
Thinking
If I'd ever be in your arms
Still wondering
Thinking
If you are too
Do you miss me as much as i miss you
I think the permanent damage done to my skin
Will convey the thoughtful sin
Depression stuck to me
With super glue
Does anyone know
What I am about to do
No, no one does
I don't think they ever will
What does it matter
I'm just another emo teenage soul


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A PRAYER UNANSWERED

Waking I find
Another chill encrusted day 
Awaits me
Where I shall walk alone in step of time
To the blighted rhythm 
Of what must be
And the looming shadows 
Of what might have been

My only solace 
Comes of looking back
Upon the horizon of 
Memories past
Where the fluxing tapestry 
Of life and chance 
Carried you soft and safe 
Into my arms

And I held you 
And you held me
And for a time
No wind of change
Could bear us sway

But somehow…
Some dreadful way how
My eyes left the beauty of yours
My arms reached out
For ambitions of pointless return
And in deafened silence
You slipped from me 
For I held you not

And now I am left to search 
Across the rolling linen waves
Of life and consequence
Holding hope that
Fate will grant me pardon
And bring you to me 
Once again

But I age in waiting
I tire of hoping
I stammer in broken steps
For each night your vigil kept
Brings me aside my bed
To utter yet again 
A prayer unanswered

                 …Jeff Bresee   


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Running

The trees
The lakes
The people
They rush by me while I'm running
From what?
Only the thing I fear the most
Myself.


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We all stand alone

When all of time has elapsed & the moment for us will be no more
No, plight of fancy given hence to even ponder the ego
An explosion of sorts that marked a pulse on some plotted page
The door way of hope where no one bothered to offer your way
Through pillage of inner torment many will stand at heaven's door
With no intention of ever entering yet their will be w vast chasm to explore
A new exploration of that of content in nature

We have planted our seeds
Now is the time we will wait for the harvest to grow
Through vast fruition in timely exploits we will search further then ever before
To never relent in the place we will reach which will be in effect heaven's door
A given chance at which to humbly explore
A challenge to be made free is a question in time
Hope knows just where the stained glass window adjorned next to it's borrowed pew

To name just a few from the sheltered dormant of the chasm again
The given chance at which to humbly bow the head to count to the number ten
We must search ever vigilant to look within once again
Is their something that I had missed
Perhaps a fond lady that I was ever sorry that I had kissed
We stand alone on the promises of God
As we search within again
The given sphere on the oblonged gem'
Through portals of jest timely circumstances
We search even further then ever before

Through golden portals of emmense filled water that has been quenched to humbly 
nurture the inner palate'
Abounding in ever more stimulation,
We may need a break on some long awaited vacation
Then again to wander within
We all stand alone in that final day
One may never get a second chance at which to ever bow the knee to pray ?
Yet its all safe to say that it never had to be this way.


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Depression

When the sun shines bright and the sky is blue
That feeling of happiness so friendly cheers you
But away from the light blinds closed like the night
Someone is lying curled up crying with fright

The thoughts that are swirling in this persons mind
Are dark and unfriendly a terrible kind
Life has a down side that they comprehend
That feeling of unhappy loneliness will it never end

The door bell it rings let them go away
Don’t want the bother in bed I will stay
This life has no meaning they will not understand
I don’t want sympathy my life’s in my hands

Please God give me respite from these feelings so strong
Unhappiness it seems has stayed with me for so long
I dread the wakening from sleep each time
That feeling of desolation it will not leave my mind

The darkness gives me some comfort although it may be small
This cocoon of self pity it seems I revel in it all
That’s what those around me think when they recall
The tantrums and the crying they say it is for sympathy that’s all

But if they only knew the depths to which I sink
The thoughts that torture my mind when I start to think
This journey that I travel this hell I’m going through
Maybe I should end it all perhaps that’s what I’ll do

These feelings I will have to conquer because no-one knows but me
They do not understand within the family
They have had a lot of stress to live with because I’m ill
The treatment seems to be working and I take the tablets still

Talking through my feelings it seems so foolish but then
If I am to recover and make this nightmare end
I am the only one to help myself with my councilor so kind
We intend to bring my inner most thoughts to the surface of the mind

The stigma that is mental health most people don’t understand
What has happened is she mad her life before her so grand
But that darkness that is inside the mind it has a life that is so real
Those feelings lets hope those doubters will never have or feel




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Last One Loving...

I got a call, I am to report for military duty in the morning..
I reluctantly tell my wife as she was doing her usual cleaning.

She covers her face with her hands and begins to cry.
I gathered her in my arms and told her I would be back by her side.

Holding my wife, I drifted off on the couch, listening to music.
She was singing and humming quietly to the songs and their lyrics.

She tells me she understands and shows her love and support.
Morning finally came, and she drove me to the airport.

We exchange vows again, and I kiss her tenderly..
She whispers that she will remember this moment blithely.

She received his letters, read and cherished every one of them.
Thinking of the times they were together and the essence of him.

A month went by and she tried every possible way to find her soldier.
She closed her pocket filled eyes and prayed he was out of danger.

Three months passed by without word of his well being.
Trying to stay positive but, in her heart was a dreadful feeling.

She felt so oppressed and worried her hands were trembling.
She was weak and weary, her gait was somewhat stumbling.

She hasn't slept, it seems~since he left.
She takes some sleeping pills and takes a long deep breath.

Couple of days go by and he "rolls" through the doors.
He looked at her paleness and begins to feel remorse.

His thoughts start to torment, right or wrong, was now confusing..
Tears fall from his weary face, his mind is loosing…

She deserves better, he tries to reason with himself.
Reaching, he loads the contents~placing the box back on a shelf......


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Innocent Child

Raping my soul
with your angry thrusts
of domination
ceasing to exist
of your internal penetration
and your violation of my spirit.

Lost and confused
my feelings and emotions 
became immune.

A ruined and battered person
from your violent anger
and negative power.

Keeping me prisoner
in my own cell of fears.

Sleepless nights
nightmares of your face
reliving those moments
over and over again in my head.

You stole my essence.

It was not yours to begin with.

Robbing my innocence with your sick
and twisted ways.

I was just a child who thought it was a game.

Trying to lure me into hidden shadows to do the same.

I ran away but could not forget
or forgive without regret.

Feeling ashamed and blaming myself
for something I did not create.

I was too young to understand
to heal from my ordeal.

Time stood still when I was seven
from my living hell to my beautiful heaven.


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Taken: Part 1

Better to never touch than never be able to let go
Suppose that’s how it works, but how would he know?
He slowly lifts up his head and opens his eyes
To see there’s no life left to live within the scope of this light

Here he can see that everyone’s gone, everyone left
The shadows give his mind room to play
They bring back the ones he needs to feel home
To make the beating in his chest hurt a little less
Complacency brings the warmth back to his hands
Just as they used to be before the cold came to embrace him
Hands that held so much, fought so many battles
Once had a dream, once served a purpose
But now they hang there empty and aching
No strength left to fight, but is just as well
As there are no more battles left to lose
No burdens left to carry, no faces left to leave
His shoulders slump too low to hold up his head any longer
Corrugated roof finally gives underneath the rain
Curses this city and its apathetic elements
Automatons with hearts, but still without feeling
The bastard children of a father that abandoned them to their own demise
He hates them all as they keep walking, uncaring
Either a hamburger or a loaded gun would suffice
Maybe not; he almost enjoys feeling this unique
No one else hurts as much as he does
No one else ever had as much to lose as he did
Break in concentration; a strangely dressed man throws a card towards him
He knows it’s not trash as the man actually looked at him before he threw it
“Chance of a lifetime: One game, two resulting prizes.”
Ten o’clock and he’s waiting for the door to open
Finally, an over-sized man lets him in and shows him where to sit
Grateful to be out of the wet, cold alleyway he forgets about the game
A man with a deck of cards sits down in front of him
Afterward, four other men sit down at the table
Players, he assumes...


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Victory Now Mine

Watching you go,
awakens my heart,
the pain of love,
saturates every part.

Forgotten tears,
safely put away,
now bring reminder,
of yesterday.

Careful footsteps,
fade into the crowd,
as you scream victory,
silent, yet loud.

A war now rages,
within my heart,
as you tried in vain,
right from the start.

Victory now mine,
as I wave goodbye,
while the devil of deceit,
gives it one last try.


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John Fletcher

There was a pond of sadness in this man,
Of immense sadness
Of which we can not speak,
Not share with him,
Nor understand-
There was a pond of tenderness in this man,
Of immense tenderness
And thirsty souls drunk his words-
Stars always beam
Over the pond  where he drowned
For he has lived with light


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The Falling: Part II

Thats all she needs.
She desperatly wants his strong, protective arms to wrap around her and sheild her from this cruel world, this world that has broken her.
She desperatly needs him to whisper to her the words that would set her free.
That everything will be ok, and that he won't ever leave,
Like the many times before, where she would lie in his arms for hours
just listening to him breath in and out. His steady heartbeat playing its beautiful composition in her ear. The most signifigant sound in her world. 
She drops to her knees, pulling her drentched hair from its roots,
Screaming at the heavens.
"WHY?!"
The heavens respond with a loud bellow,
shaking the earth beneath her.
She knows the truth.

Yet she refuses to accept it.

The pouring rain continues to fall.
She continues to break.

He does not exist.
Not anymore.
He never did.

She wanted it too much.
She wanted to feel love.
She wanted to feel human.
She wanted to feel the unconditional need to be with another person,
and have that feeling returned with equal amounts of passion.

Was it too much to ask for?
Is it too much to ask for?

She can not move.
The rain starts to freeze mid air,
violently pelting her exposed body, leaving red marks as proof.
She does not care.
She can not feel.

The heavens cry out to her, begging her to get up, 
To get help.
She refuses.
All she needs is him.
Who ever He is...
Where ever He is...
She will wait.
Wait for all of eternity if need be.
She will wait for the unconditional love.
For that unruly passion that burns in both of their souls.
She waits for the man who was designed to love her,
to need her the same way she needs him.
Forever.
She waits for the man who cannot live without her warmth,
her touch. 

And with that,
She slowly, unwillingly pushes herself off the muddy pavement,
permitting herself one final glance at the angry sky,
catching a glimpse at her diamond among coal
Her only friend in the wake of night.
The moon.
"Save me, my angel...Save me."
she whispers towards the sky, allowing a tiny smile to dance across her pale, desolate face
Before returning back to her throne in her cold, abandon dungon, her in lonly, abandon castle.

Feeling a new emotion she's never felt before.

Hope.

Hope shoots across her sky like a metor.
Shinning so bright, filling her with warmth that blinds her.
The heavens cry out,
Relief.
He will find her one day.
And she will be waiting. 

[.Because Falling in love, Is giving someone the power to break you.]


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Poe Much In Little Time

Introduced to Edgar Allen Poe, many and many years ago...
By a teacher who quoted to me; of his love for Annabelle Lee
How his bride died at an early age and left him sad and depraved
This resulted in his drinking to increase because he couldn't deal with grief
Consumption of much alcohol  brought to him an early grave.


(Edgar Allen Poe, January 19, 1809 until 1849.)


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Back to the Dark

The finest tip of leather cracks Evenly

On a flat bed of skin. Red marks

Of authority embedded into Her back, a single

Droplet of blood ceases this unrelenting

Torment, Constricting her mind until the Uneven

Snap of Reality grounds itself, and she's back,

Back to the dark.


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Depressed

I wish I could see what others see
When I look into the glass
I gaze into the eyes and I’m always surprised
To see such despair, alas

To believe the words I hear each day
Would bring about a relief
Yet I’m stuck inside this head of mine
And all I hear is grief

I want to go where my dreams take me
When I’m warm in my bed at night
They take me where I want to grow
But in the day my mind’s not right

I used to walk among you all with head held high
But now I feel suppressed
I hope to one day feel happy and free again
But right now I’m depressed


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The Falling: part I

Noise. 

Loud noise.

but it was not just noise, no, not to her.
It was the wild cries from the heavens, calling out to her, reassuring her that everything will be ok, that there is somebody out there who understands, who is just like her.
She emerges from her throne, in her cold, abandon dungon, in her lonly, abandon castle where she is kept prisoner. Kept prisoner from her dreams, her temptations, herself.

Serenity.
Bliss.

The scent stunns her.
Memories from her former life proceed to play like a movie in her memory...
a movie that she can not pause, can not forget.
She stumbles, -afraid to move for the thought that this magical moment may dissapear if she becomes too hasty- to her only escape.
Destroying the barriers that stand in her path.

Ice cold.
Refreshing.
The tiny rain drops fall from the sky,
releasing her temporarily from her own personal hell.
From judgment.
From criticism.
From the abandonment that overpowers her.

Lifting her pale, desolate face to the sky
she lets the rain wash away...
Wash away the hate
Wash away the pain
Wash away the lonliness
Wash away her...in the end.

She cries.
No one would notice, the rain unselfishly disguises her pain so any on lookers would assume that the moisture is just from the malicious storm.
The wind.
So rude, so loud, whips past her.
Attempting to knock the fragile being to the ground.
But she is strong, stronger than she thinks.
She is not phased by it's attempt.
Mother nature is kind.
The heavens cry out again,
begging the young girl to remember, to be happy.
But she cannot.
She can't breath.
She can't think.
Her heart stopped beating a long time ago.
Stopped dead in her lonly, broken chest,
and the heavens cannot understand why

No one can.
But no ones ever tried.
Suddenly, the vicious winds attack her once more,
this time getting a reaction.
A violent tremmor shakes her body
raising goosebumbps on her skin.
She barely notices.
Her imagination runs free, 
unleashing all her memories, all her former happiness.
They all consist of Him.....


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Music For The Deaf

Once in awhile, I get so low I can feel myself falling faster into the quick sand. In this case, your love is the pit in which I’m sinking. Can you not hear me crying out for help? Because, I swear I can’t do this on my own. I need you to pull me up.. I guess you don’t see that inside I’m all shook up. I’ll be better off without you, that way I can get myself up and dressed out of this mess. You use me for your own good, but what about my sanity? This lovesick melody that I keep singing to is tearing apart the innocence of me. If you can’t see that, then why do I keep on trying to catch up to you? You won’t have to hear about it anymore though, I’m done with what you made me out to be. I’m too good to be set up by a fool like you! You’ll see one day, my dear. This melody that had me dying inside, is nothing more than music to the deaf now! But, don’t worry.. Maybe, one day you’ll see.. Just Don’t come back to me.


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Live in the Darkness

Is there a repair shop
that I can go?
My heart isn't beating
does anyone know
where I can fix it? 
I can't live too long.
Because it's not beating.
Our love was all wrong.
It's hard to believe	
she's not coming back.
Now I'm having a different
kind of hearet attack.

I can't even feel
myself even breath.
Dig me a hole
and bury me beneath.
All of the dirt 
and rocks you can find.
When your all done
if you wouldn't mind.
Say a small prayer
and turn out the light.
I'll live in the darkness
all the rest of my nights.


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Beatign in a Broken Rhythm

The bittersweet taste of your kiss
is staining my lips
the kiss that coursed
poisonous [in]sanity into my veins
and every movie i made only
brought it closer and closer into my heart
a poison you disguised in
the name of love upon your lips.
A poison that took control
by you leaving, and it burns inside my veins
tearing down the heart;
I could feel it
taste it in the bile in my throat
dark and deadly colors,
poisonous
deep and deadly, it pulsed in my veins
it encircled my heart
breaking it in two inside my chest
a broken rhythm. 
You see,
you are the deadliest of poisons
but my only cure sweetie
the only thing that can stop
this [IN]SANITY.


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Burn To Fade

 Of love in my blood, I cuddle up and snuggle in my own struggle. I bleed so deeply, in need of sleep I can only weep. SO LONELY...My soul is like a dying rose, so cold and crying I wish I had someone to hold...Pity, give me someone to miss me...Agony, I cant believe this happening to me, a tragedy that I'll never be happy...My turn begins today, I must BURN TO FADE...and look away....


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Just like my Daddy

Just like My Daddy
 
It started a long time ago as a kid, I was still young
 
Rebelling against the law, back talking adults, but I thought it was still fun
 
I always thought about changing but I figured why bother
 
When I did good, it wasn’t noticed, but when I did bad, “ I was just like my father”
 
That’s what my mother would say, when she got angry
 
Because she knew that the lack of love at home wouldn’t be enough to sustain 
me
 
My mother’s excuse was” my father was working” but I knew she was lying to me
 
I was emotionally dying inside, waking up in cold sweats, and crying in my sleep.
 
With no role model to correct me, all my problems just carried over
 
Because the same issues I had when I was young just got worse as I got older
 
I should have known that this must have stemmed from my beginnings
 
As a result I lack understanding and knowledge on how to treat women
 
Trying to find out my purpose when I roll life’s dice, and there is no luck again
 
Rationalizing with the punishing thought that I might have to grow up again
 
I found out my ex was pregnant, now she is already sending child support bills to 
me
 
I wasn’t taught how to respond to that, so I run, after all the responsibility was 
killing me
 
Now I spend my days on the road having fun and drug using
 
To escape the thoughts of what my life really is or what my son or daughter is 
doing
 
My mother’s words echo through my mind at night, until the truth grabs me
 
I find myself crying, because I quit life and responsibility, Just like My Daddy
 
 
Stevie D/ Lover Boy
Dedicated to breaking the cycle


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A Plea to Infinity

The Infinite Mind of all eternity
In all your wisdom you decided reality to have me
Of all I know about you, profit is supreme
Please help me succeed too in securing my dreams
For it falls within the functions you purposed in me
Moreover, me being a product of thee
Means embedded in me are the elements of supreme skills
Designed to succeed in the highest scale of reality

The infinite mind of all eternity
Everything about me reflects the virtues of thee
My bodily beings daily grow and my heart never stops
Most times I’m all alone but I always feel You around 
Perhaps it may be that if I call upon thee
The wisdom of how to carry my burdens with ease
	...will be revealed to me
Oh, how I wish this weight on my back would turn into wings
	...and fly me far and fast, to the lands of appreciation and rewards
Away from the dreadful past stuck right at my back


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An Iniquitious Night Hawker

She knows him to be a destroyer
Oblivious of having made her, a self-destroyer.
With great passion she hates him
But gave herself to him.

Here he comes again
To make her do what she hates.
Fun you may say she derives now and again
But disgust is what she accommodates.

The only way out, though she seeks
For freedom she loves to obtain.
There stands on her way a veil
That make her shatter the safety she seeks.

Though she often hears a voice calling
Lift thy hands and thou art free.
She seldom tries
But her past keeps hunting.


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Lost Value

He is as a field of lost value
Neglected by unknown reasons.
Seemed to have outwalked the furthest city light.
Becoming acquainted with the night.

A dark cloud covered him still
By those he never thought could still.
Help seems afar,
Like the stars in the boundaries of the sky.

Dealt by the strokes of the white water
That fall to earth.
A blessing he thought it was
For then sun never shinned its presence.

Sought for refugee,
As he was withering away
And made a fast decree.
But he had soon become a castaway.


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Rejection

  My flesh in deep in need to caress, 
my heart beat is beneath me. My 
skin within to peel, again it's a feel 
that will never be real. My soul to 
shatter, in love must I flatter or 
lust...That my hands are made of 
dust I'm afraid to touch...My eyes to 
seek inside and see what I left 
behind, as I peek I see these lies I 
speak....Choices I've made keeps me 
crying in bed, voices in my head 
trying to seduce me asking me if I'm 
 dying or dead...Borrow my 
affliction, give me a tomorrow 
without my addiction...My sorrow 
needs no sympathy, to begin this 
endless sincerity I say the infection 
was because of REJECTION...


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just look to the sunrise in the east

She'll always be remembered for her golden hair
Youll never forget her grey green stare
But youll always forget her writing
Youll forget her words of fighting
Her poetry of crying
And her pleas of dieing
Youll forget her screams
But youll still see her in your dreams
Youll always remember the beauty but never the beast
Just look to the sunrise in the east
There you will find her rising with the sun in all her beauty
And all her fraility
You will see her there rising dead and alone 
With her wrist forever sown
If you look to the east where the sun shall rise
You will find her clensed of all the lies
You will find her price
Her sacrafice
What it took to make her whole
And because of what you stole
This beauty will fade away
But not her wisdom
For in her book it shall forever lay


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You Are My Curse

I had to let it all go,
The day and night,
Their hours ran too slow.
It was more than just a fight.
I trusted you and knew you,
My love succumbed to the worst,
Faith and loyalty just wouldn’t do.
You became my curse.
 
I was pulled down to Earth’s plane,
And judgment did set in.
Then new days begin.
I stood parallel as many went insane.
My heart drenched and my soul crunched,
I couldn’t let my heart take this very much.
I died and I died losing each endless breath,
I swallowed the victory and ate your death.
 
You reaped and I sowed,
But I saw no one grow,
Not even you.
What was I to do?
I let it go very slow,
Now I am all grown,
And I’m on my own.
I died watching you go.
 
I will always remember begging mercy,
I will always know this pain,
You are my curse you see,
And nothing did you gain.
I can never just be alright,
I can never love you the same again.
I died watching you go out of sight.
You are my curse and forever in my heart you made an end.


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Confederate Soldier

There's a Confederate soldier
On his way home from the war
For over four bloody years
He stayed and fought for the corps

As the rain falls off his hat
He mounts his white horse
And rides off into the night
There's no longer any course

For him to stay on
All his brothers and friends
Are all now dead and gone
He sits tall in the saddle

And pulls his hat down low
So that no one can see the tears
That are running down his face
Because his worst fears

Have now come true
His wife and children are dead
All because of those devils in blue
He can do nothing else now

But ride off into the storm
Even though he's dripping wet
And his once elegant uniform is
Now tattered and covered with mud

He doesn't seem to care
Because he has to go somewhere
Where this Confederate soldier can start his life over


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Ocean's Death

The ocean’s waves beating
Beating against a huge rock
Ocean’s waves washing away the sand
The seagulls gulling
The salty smell of the sea
So overpowering
So calming
So relaxing
Then running towards death
I jump in the black, cold water
Feeling dead, as cold as death
The waves push me under
Their weight crushing my body
Feeling, groping, in the dark
Dying, fleeing, being…
I look death in the eye
It screams…I die…


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Billy No Mates

I live a life quite solitary
friends? No, I don't have any
the stench of a loner I do reek
but, peace and queit is what I seek.
Down so low, where do I go?
When i'm in my rabbithole
more a rock without the roll
this hectic city's takin' its toll
all of these people in the street
yet no-one ever returns your greet
they just stare at their feet
pass you by like a piece of meat
their lives seem such a hurry
their faces etched with tire an' worry
they've got no time to spare
just pretend your not even there
some return a smile, every once in a while
but most run a mile, as if i'm an imbecile.
Humanity has gone to sleep
so much so I often weep
why most people are selfish creeps
who make me cry a river deep

I've had enough, i'm off to take a leap
goodbye cruel twisted world,
here I come silent eternal sleep!
©John-Ovan.P.Hull


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A Night of Silence

As I lie in bed,
I hear nothing
I see nothing
And I feel nothing.
I feel empty,
I am scared,
I am afraid
I am ready.
This is a night of silence,
In which is ruined.
I pierce it with my screams.
I cut the silence with my tears,
With my pain
I try to stay quiet.
Whimpers from my bloody lips,
As I touch my heart
The spot where I hurt worse
Where pain has no end.
Where I want to stick this knife.
Not the wrist cutting
Or the gun to the head.
No, it’s a blade 
A blade to my heart,
To cut off the pain
To stop the hurt,
To stop my fast hard breathing.
I pierce the skin
But then I stop,
I can’t go any further
Blood trickles down my chest
But I can still breath.
I touch my left breast
And I feel the blood.
I feel my pain draining
Draining from me,
As if I’m being cleansed.
I cry,
I sit,
I listen,
And I lie in bed 
And I think.
I cleanse myself
Now once again
It’s a night of silence.
I feel right,
I feel strong.
I am ready for the new day.
Ready for the darkness
And ready
For a night of silence.


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She Came Saying "Violet"

Who is she?
What girl there, do you recognize her?
I, I do not know who she is...
tell me, who are you?
"Look in the mirror to find out
look into these eyes"
No, no I do not know you,
just go away.
 With that; hands trembling, break
the mirror there
watching herself fall into pieces.
"But I am you silly, I am a part
        of you.
I can't really make this
          stop
but won't you please,
         let me out to play."
 "See, look;
          we
        can't feel a thing now
 you stay right here
    in this moment,
and I shall play the part
    of you
 in this wonderful show called
         LIFE."
 who are you though?
"Me? Why I am you. But you,
      you may call me Violet."


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Taken: Part 2

The cards are dealt and the game begins
He can’t feel the cards as most of his nerves are dead, but he sees himself holding them
Seems impossible; he’s already holding two aces
Calls for three cards to replace the others
Astounded, he stares at his current hand
This additional ace makes three
One more go-around awards him with the last and final ace
He knows he’s won, but refuses to believe it’s real
Lays down the cards, the game is called in his favor
The strangely dressed man approaches him with the prizes
In his left hand he bares a .357 Magnum with one bullet to spare
In his right, a check for two million dollars
He briefly basks in the opportunity to finally have relief
To finally afford and buy the freedom he’s so long dreamt of

Seems ironic; the final betrayal, this last, final thought
Is of nothing and no one, but the one he lost


Details | Narrative | |

The Quiet

It’s too quiet in here… 
and it's that quiet she fears 

Alone in the darkness, turning sick 
Dread starts to devour her thick 
Stillness of the shadows mocking 
All oxygen seems to leave the room 
Senses in tuned, she knows he’s close 
Feels him before she can see him move 

It’s too quiet in here… 
and it's that quiet she fears 

All promises that things will be different 
Any hope of escape lost in the silence 
The secret of the heat, breath on her neck 
Sour stink and sweat envelope young skin 
Eyes closed tight, she swallows back the tears 
Dares not scream, knowing the trouble therein 

It’s too quiet in here… 
and it's that quiet she fears 

Only minutes it may last 
The demon, he makes it fast 
But it might as well be 
More than forever, an eternity 
For the scars are made, they still remain 
Eating away, taking a little more each day 
From a soul once so pure, so beautifully bright 
Fading soundless, mute into the darkness of night 

It’s too quiet in here… 
and it's that quiet she fears 

Left alone with her thoughts 
Fears turn to shame, too soon turn to blame 
Again resolve makes it home 
A more familiar one, it’s never known 
Won’t let it happen again, no never again 
She won’t let him near her, won’t let him in 
Whatever it takes, there must be away 
A safe place, somewhere else she can stay 

It’s too quiet in here… 
and it's that quiet she fears 

But all resolve starts to crumble 
Gives way to hopelessness and doubt 
As cold fear makes its claim 
Her life, such like a prison 
She cries out, but no one’s there to listen 
Nowhere to turn, not a place she can go 
Left to wait out her sentence 
Empty and huddled, trying to hide in the despair 
Lost in the quiet, he always seems to find her there 

It’s too quiet… 
Stop the violence, no more silence 



Details | Narrative | |

Despair Everywhere

Standing on the platform of despair
awaiting a train to anywhere
whether it's over here, or over there
no idea where i'm going, and I dont care
must be better places everywhere.
What a shock, train is late
even longer I have to wait
quick pint to commiserate.
The road is long, the path is thin
surely being this miserable is a sin
need to find, this happiness within
turn the frown upside down and flash a grin.
The emptiness that dwells so heavily
only recedes when rhyming cleverly
the joy I get, from the sentence I create
this empty page, was fun to decorate,
distraction in thinking of the words I know
gelling together to make sentence flow
open my mind, for creative winds to blow,
but when the poems done, that's it for fun
back to the emptiness of a life humdrum
and a downwards slant from my thumb.
My hair I could tear out, screaming I wanna shout
do I always have to go without
even though there's so much about
from venison to rainbow trout
I feel like a vegetarian in a steakhouse
the only empty plate, in a very full house
I know i'm a lion, but I feel like a mouse
either that, or an abused spouse.
The pits of agony, i do fall
not anymore, stand and walk tall!
©John-Ovan.P.Hull


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A Rose Short-Lived

In the early days of March, at the very start of spring
I saw people plant roses, and praise the love they would bring
Well, at that point I had been saving a special sort of seed
And that spring I would plant it, even though there where warnings, I did not heed
And now loves rose is dead, and with it, burnt, is loves creed

Woe! That seed I had saved, held close and took care of from a very early age
That seed I had obtained from an accidental meeting, on the swings, at a very early age
Now I fear that this seed is ruined, and I fear I’ve lost a friend
It’s a fear that digs deep into my cold, melancholy core, I can’t pretend
For it was a beautiful friendship, that I never intended to end

Yes, I had planted this seed in the early days of March, the month of my birth
And though at first the rose was shy, it slowly stemmed out of the earth
 But it was soon growing faster, faster even than the fabled roses of lore
It grew with such a haste that one might have thought that it wouldn’t grow anymore
Yes, this rose, that might have frown too fast, had put love in my core

Now, on the last day of March, the very date on which, many years ago, I was born
This rose gave me a gift as it hid from me every thorn
And this rose, it seemed, had given me the will to succeed 
In my life, I had finally had the confidence to take the lead
I loved, more than anything, the rose that sprouted out of this seed 

And the month that followed, I can’t lie, was bliss
And it’s time I will, forever more, miss
For the month following, I regret to say, my rose died
Indeed, it was the only time that, for a flower, I had ever cried
It left me weeping, with no ego left to gloat, with no self pride

Yes, early in May is where you may date my death
Call me death, for without that rose, I’m not living, though I still draw breath
Lay me on my death bed, and let my quietly pass on, away
For any place without that rose is no place I want to stay
So please, lay me on my death bed, and leave! Let me lay

Woe, that rose died, and I can only guess why
Perhaps I watered it too much, and forced it to be too un-shy
Perhaps I was too ignorant to say the words it needed to hear
Yes, perhaps, perhaps, that all I can say
And I will say it all the while 
While I walk away
Farewell 
Goodbye
Good
Bye


Details | Narrative | |

Depart

He is in a spot I have never seen him before
A position I cannot fathom 
Recognize
His hand folded on his chest
Wishing for one last breath
His care left us with everything
But what we didn’t know was that he was 
It never called for rain but it did that day
He never was all there anymore
And the song started playing
The guns went off
And my respect left for this man
Through battles he helped us all
Through it all we kept us alive
And he passed us by with a fair well
And a departure
For everything
And we was something to everything
We was everything to us


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In Mind or Body?

There is another voice inside my head
she is so much so my own
I wonder who she is
but her response goes unknown
I can feel her watching,
i beg to know her name
she only just keeps smiling
and keeps me playing her games.
Sick and twisted ways,
they all just make he smile
she just seems to be waiting now
and has been for a while,
her words are my own
but twisted with spite
her world is black and void
staining red from white. 
Her world is from behind a mirror
mine is center stage
she's the puppeteer of our show
premiering the monsters of her rage;
we complete each other here and there
my beginning at her end
If I am the memory she is the moment
If I am the broken she is the mend.
Sometimes we have no difference
but the number of slices
If she is a cure am I the sickness,
or if she is the new am I the vices?
To all we would rather forget
but she knows all the memories hidden
lovingly puts them on display
and she claims the heart forbidden,
and so we take out places
as the curtain begins to rise
the audience beyond is waiting
for me to recite her lines.


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The Bed

A smell assails my senses
as I awake with a start.
‘Tis the stench of loneliness
which my life did impart.

A light invades my eyes
as the daylight streams brightly in.
I grimace at the earliness of the day,
but it’s past noon to my chagrin.

The lure of the blanket,
calling to climb over my head.
My will has been taken
by the pull of the bed.

Daily are the battles
I wage with my bed.
Real life struggles,
or just foolishness instead?


Details | Narrative | |

Second rate beauty queen

When you look at her you wonder,
How can she think like that?
But when she looks at herself in the mirror,
All she sees is the fat.

She claims that she's too busy,
With friends, work, and school.
To sit down for a family meal,
But in reality she simply longs to be cool.

As days go by her body begins to wear and thin,
Her parents begin to wonder if it's too late.
To save their only daughter,
Who's still obsessed with her weight.

Knowing it was time, she left a note that said:
"To all those who were so mean,
And pressured me to be thin. You'll be happy to know,
I died as I lived: A second rate beauty queen.


Details | Narrative | |

The Friendship of Night

There are some days when night crawls in
and I find myself afraid
and alone.
Darkness gives way to darkness
when I open my eyes,
the light has left your eyes
so what is leading me home now?
Home, home, home, what is home?
Shadowy tendrils grip my wrists
burning along the scars
ghost pains;
I tremble, shake, trying to keep my will firm
but inside I can feel it building up,
and the monster howls at the bars of his cage
she complies willing to open the door
and the shaking intensifies.
Her voice continues to whisper in my mind
outside I suffer the silence
night remains dark glass around me,
I know what letting him out will mean
I beg my mind elsewhere
but feeding the fire my memories turn to him
and the monster and she get stronger in my distress.
"Please hold me," I beg,
but the darkness has no hands to offer solace with
simply encompassing me with nothingness
I spoke to nothing,
all around
and I continue longing.
Until the build up leads to eruption
a silent scream tearing away at my vocal chords 
with the pressure
of silence,
weighing more to stay silent
then to simply surrender to the scream.
In my moment of breaking she slips in
opening the door to the cage
the monster begins to plunder through my veins
longing to get to the surface
and to taste blood.
One, two three, four, five, six
white lines from two wrists
and our flesh is smiling back at us
the monster has taken his fill
of torn skin, and blood.
I sink below to the static numb
mixed black and white with the hue of red along the edges,
until tired, I surrender to her
allowing her complete control
she smiles, my lips turn upward
and she slowly rises, from the gore.
Back into the quiet night.


Details | Narrative | |

Re-habbed

I know I’m not normal
   In the sense I want to be
      And I can’t make the world conformal
         Or the center of it me

I lived day to day always in the same day
   Caught in a mind I didn’t know
      And I couldn’t will it drink it or drug it away
        So I had to find some way to go

I went to the wife the doc and the shrink
   Anywhere for some relief
      All I was given was a little pill so pink
         And told to take it with belief

It took a long time to get the right pill
   To do what my mind needed of it
      Then at last one worked and my mind got its’ fill
         Yet I needed something more to get full benefit

Off to a rehab to learn to live anew
   And learn how to re-think
      So many things I had to learn to do
         And the process would at times stink
 
The process has been painful the process slow
   The trip has been a wild ride
      But for all the troubles I’ve seen myself grow
         And my smile is a mile wide


Details | Narrative | |

Letter to Cupid

Letter to Cupid
 
I got a few things to tell so just listen please
Cupid you hit all of your targets, so why you missing me
It’s like you can’t see me, so let me make myself visible
Casue without your presence my life has been miserable
Anticipating your arrow enough to where I’m ready to fight now
I feel I have the total package, Mr. Right looking for Mrs. Right, right now
Too much love inside to give to be living my life on my own
Even God put Eve here so Adam wouldn’t spend his nights alone
I always send you these love requests but all you do is decline
Like I’m better off alone, as if I don’t deserve a Valentine
I’m a good man but finding a good woman is just to hard
Be honest with me, is true love even In my deck of cards
My feeling is getting desperate, to the point where I live or die with it
Cupid I’m willing to take your arrow and commit suicide with it
All I need is one favor from you and I’ll be just fine
Just maybe you could shoot your arrow at me the next time
 
Stevie D/ Love Master
Dedicated to Soul mate searching


Details | Narrative | |

The Last Star

The last star blinks out
I dance to the beating of my heart

The darkness consumes my soul
I close my eyes and cry out
'Enough of the dreary life
I can take no more!'

The blackness clouds my thoughts
The evil eats my heart
Screams fill the night
As my frustrations let out

The steel blade of sorrow
Pierces my heart
My blood floods the meadow
Only the moon sees

My lifeless body lies
In the dead of night

My soul watches from above

It shakes its head
And flies away


Details | Narrative | |

Love and Pain

Pain the word carved into his heart
Betrayed the word knifed into his back
Revenge the word slit into his throat
Lies the word stained on his bloody lips
Hollow the word scratched into his chest
Love the word written into his skin
a maze of lines stiched-up criss crossing his skin...
the murderer of his heart?....
why, he was a crash car heart...
pain was his valentine
his love...
and she? she became it all in the shape of a goddess in the rhythm of his heart...
an infection
a massacre
something perhaps he too could love...
she was criss crossed lines and stiched up scars...
she was pain in perfect rhythm....
Love she carved it on his heart....
with her own...


Details | Narrative | |

R.I.P Mrs. Beyeres....

I woke up today
never knowing this would come
for I'd just seen you not a day ago
and there had only been smiles
we had been making plans
and your mother she just smiled and watched
how can we get back to that moment?
I never thought this then
but those would be the last
the last of the happy words between us.
I wish i could take this from you
i wish i could take it from myself
what where do we go now?
there is this gaping chasm between us
filled with this darkness
that drowns us in pain
your mother, they will say
no one can replace her
no one saw the street racers
as you two were getting off the freeway
no one could stop fates hands 
as the street racers hit you both
and the car rolled away
as if mere dust in the wind...
you were fine and i was glad
but my second mother?
she, she lay in her own blood
where do we go now?
i wish i could take this pain from you
i wish i could take this pain from myself
what do i say now
what words can be said..
nothing more than
may she rest in peace
may she go with god
know that we are here
to hold you up.
Remember those who love you
and know that your mother doesn't suffer here.
one day may we return to sanity.

RIP mrs. beyers who was killed in a car accident and passed away this morning after they
pulled her off life support, she was like my second mother and we mourn her loss, may she
be in pain no more though, and may we remember all the love she taught us.


Details | Narrative | |

Red and White

See those white bandages
binding shut skin,
hiding ripped open flesh
(Watch her closely as she pulls open veins
 hidden razor blade kisses)
hiding that place
where her whole life
welled to the surface
as she prayed.
(beneath criss-crossing 
stitches trying
to hold her together.)
The white bandages are turning red
as she
purposefully
plays with her wrist
(Begging color
to come and stain 
all the white
craze of red in a white abyss)
begging the blood
to seep and drip
onto the plain white flesh
too much white, too much
(red valentine hearts
cut them
cut them away)
she clawed at her wrist
feeling blind
begging color to be 
somewhere,
(leave them pinned
up the the walls,
red paint in streaks, thick.)
somewhere 
beneath
her 
INSANITY.


Details | Narrative | |

Killing the Beast

       

The old fellow was just lonely and tired.
    This life had nothing left it was death he desired.
He had lost his wife a couple years back.
    He lived all alone down by the track.
No one ever visited are called on the phone.
    Just another lonely old soul that lived all alone.
Then one day he drove into town.
    To pick up some things and just look around.
There he met a lady he knew years ago.
    Well they talked and they talked it was good don’t you know?
She said we’ll have to do this again as they started to part.
    He left there that day with a different feeling in his old heart.
It was the first time he smiled he knew in awhile.
    For sadness had been all that he knew, he thought it his style.
When he got to the house he picked up the phone, guess what he did?
    He called his new friend and they talked just like kids.
Well it wasn’t to long till their friendship did grow.
    For she had been in the same boat with nowhere to go.
Well they dated a little but they both wanted this.
    They were tired of being alone and he proposed after their kiss.
She said yes, yes, yes just any old day.
     So they found them a preacher and I do’s they did say.
Now they’re together they beat that lonely beast.
     To see their smiling faces you know they’re happy at least.


Details | Narrative | |

Tonight I write a poem

Tonight I'm there again
Wondering why, wondering where, wondering when
Tonight all I've got
Is to write a poem again

It might not make sense
But you'll understand
It's the place where we go
When there's no one else here

Just myself and the page
And the people who know
time will pass
That's what they say

But stuff happens
to you and to me
And when that stuff happens
This is where we will be

So as I said
It don't make sense
But if your reading this page
Then your in my place too


Details | Narrative | |

Fear

 A horrible crime

It was a loss of innocence

I didn't have a choice

Nobody heard my voice

Faded memories of the night

Some thing's wrong I cant even fight.

I thought I was going to die,

so heavily drugged I couldn't even cry,

I heard myself scream for help,

but nothing came out of my mouth.

In and out of consciousness

fighting my body to stay awake.

The cold floor upon my bare back,

I wake to two men violating me.

I can't move

can't fight back.

I fall back into a deep blackout..

my mind is screaming

what is happening..

Two of them pushing and prodding

having their way.

I want to go home

please take me home

I try to cry out but

nothing will come.

Next on the bed I come to

a man inside of me,

he's saying something

I can't make out.

Take me home.

I want to wake up

wake up out of this nightmare.

Why did I get in the car?

Why did I trust her

when she said they were friends?

Next I feel nudging and pushing...

"Get the hell up, its time to go",

he says.

Throwing my clothing at me

hurrying me down the stairs

in the car he shows no shame

I black out once more..

River bend is all I can say..

Take me home please.

I awake the next morning

knowing

knowing I was violated.

I used to be so clean

now I'm violated, unclean and dirty.

And the guilt is killing me,

even though its not my fault

I feel as though it is.

They made me feel a shame of myself,

all I do is blame things on myself.

Everything is my fault,

Its all my fault.

The pain I feel,

The tears of sorrow,

The things they have done to me,

They violated me

Make me feel ashamed.

Bits and pieces cross my mind

Please...erase out of my memory!!

I don't want to remember the night.

It took one night,

one night of unforgettable violence

To shatter my soul into a billion million pieces

Before I'd ever realize

Before I'd ever understand just how cruel,

damn cruel this world could be

Lost a piece of my innocence

Helped my heart to see that

I wanted to die,

I wanted to cry,

I wanted to scream for help but no one heard me,

I feel dirty.

After that night of misery

Things could never be the same.

I will never be the same

the outgoing happy,

loving person I was..

I will never be the same

physically or mentally...

especially not emotionally.

All because of them..


Details | Narrative | |

Join Us

            FOLLOW MW
down
    down
       d
         o
           w
              n
                         into the abyss, we've been 
WAITING,
just for you.

So,

      TAKE TEMPTATION'S DELICATE HAND
careful,
don't B R E A K it now,
and
JOIN US,

 in the freedom of
                    sweet night.

So little boy, 
you BELONG to us,
you blood?
Is ours now.

So, 
                  LET GO
before it is too late to...


Details | Narrative | |

What

Hey, now they are selling our roads,
what is wrong with these greedy folks,
We the taxpayers, will be footing the bill,
is our country becoming, make us a deal.
We are sitting ducks for whatever they will,
I, for one have had my fill.
Money, Money, Money, get all you can,
in the back of their minds, what is the plan?
If other countries own us, can we be saved,
buying, and selling, giving us the wave.
Hey America, just watch the news,
this is our tax money being used.
Sheep going to slaughter, yes, we are on our way,
if you don't like this, feel free to have your say.


Details | Narrative | |

Help.

The moon rises like a vacant memory
In the pitch black skies
That sabotage my mind.

Demons are inside my head
They fill my mind with lies
They tease,
They flaunt,
They float,
They haunt,
They make me want to break the ties.

Darkness closes in on me
Drowning me in blame.
It strips me of my sanity
And fills me full of shame.
I want to hide,
I want to cry,
I want to scream,
I want to die.

This bitterness I feel inside
Is nothing short of hate.
But there’s nothing left
That I can do
But sit around and wait.

Waiting for something better
Or waiting for something worse.
Anything will really do as long as it releases me
From this dreaded curse.

Please help me
Help me forget my pain
Take away my hurt
And let me lead my life.
Fix my broken heart
That stills,
The needs,
That bleeds,
That kills.

Only you.
You can make my pain go away.
Your soft touch melts the barrier around my heart,
Your warm eyes calm the fear in my head.
Your gentle nature quietens my raging soul.
I need you;
To have me,
To hold me,
To help me,
Please help me.


Details | Narrative | |

The Night of the Genie

 

As he came staggering down the hall,
   Walking slowly hoping not to fall.
The taste of whiskey still on his breath,
   Hating himself wishing only for death.
What had turned his life this way?
   He used to be happy until that day.
He came home from work and found the note,
   It tore him to pieces the words she wrote.
I’m leaving you and I don’t know why,
   I’ve got to be free or I feel I will die.
Well that was all the note said,
   And he started shaking from those words he read.
What had he done he reasoned in his mind?
   All alone in this cold and dark house he felt betrayed and left behind.
To the liquor cabinet he drank his supper that night,
   Confused and mad and now wanting to fight.
But there was no one there but himself he was all alone.
   He cried out in anger this is the worst feeling I know I’ve ever known.
The old bottle cooed to him I’ll be your friend,
   I’ll stick with you till the biter end.
As he picked up that Genie and sloshed it around,
   And took another drink from this new friend he had found.
He drank so much he fell asleep on the floor,
   And upon awakening he couldn’t remember much about the night before.
He sat at his table with coffee in hand,
   Trying to clear his mind looking for answers to help him understand.
Well he thought to himself that what she had done was all wrong,
   But if she wasn’t happy with him then he reckoned she just didn’t belong.
That night of drunkenness may not have been right,
   But it sure took his mind off his problems that horrible night.


Details | Narrative | |

Jerks

Jerks are so abundant,
like thorns on a cactus,
thriving in any climate,
bleeding one dry,
destroying as they exist,
no dreams to reach for,
too lazy to want more,
too lazy to help others,
too selfish to love,
too mean to care,
lying in their self pity,
taking ones spirit,
trying to control,
destined to be alone.


Details | Narrative | |

The Eyes Of Evil

Dreams are made to keep hope alive,
something precious for some on this earthly ride.

Many take hostage anothers spirit to kill,
their  unfeeling  purpose in life is to steal.

Absorbed in evil, this is all they know,
for a bitter soul has only one place to go.

The eyes of destruction will come to claim,
any and all, and to others they lay the blame.

 The're cold and heartless, without a minutes regret,
and you will know in an instant, who you just met.





Details | Narrative | |

Gone, As With the Wind

It was dark and cold as he wandered the streets of Chicago
Strangers were the only people he saw, he had no friends
Searching nightly, he had never found her, the one he sought
He needed to find her, for without her, his destiny ends

Strangers were the only people he saw, he had no friends
He was new to the city, but felt welcomed, when their eyes met
Two in a crowd, for a moment, they shared a glance
A face of an angel, truly a face he would never forget

Searching nightly, he had never found her, the one he sought
For she wandered in to the crowd and was lost then from view
He ran, he stopped, he started again, searching everywhere
Until, as the sun had gone down, his spirit did, too

He needed to find her, for without her, his destiny ends
He feels in his heart, that the two of them were destined to be
Alas, he could not find her, in this big cold dark windy place
But he would never stop trying, else his heart shan’t be free