I do not know?
Sitting with her now
How did she get so old?
How did I get so old?
So many pills
Green, blue, white, red, yellow, orange
All kinds of shapes
Round, oval, oblong – big and small
A tackle box with markings
Monday through Sunday
We talk and laugh . . . then
A knock on the door!
I’ll get it
A police officer – young, clean shaven
As I open the door
I jokingly yell . . . He’s here to arrest you mom!
Sir, I do need to speak with your mother. . .
What, Oh . . . come in
Mrs. Meade, did you hit another car?
Her face showed confusion, concern . . . fear
With a trembling voice . . . No officer, I dd i d not
I followed the young man to the garage
A scrape, red paint, a missing mirror
My heart sank
Thinking to myself – is she lying?
Or does she not realize what she has done?
Does it matter?
The time has come . . .
As I hug this frail old woman
Shoulders shaking, tears soaking my shirt
I whisper in her ear
Do not fear . . . everything will be OK . . . . I love you
Standing there I realized
Our roles had changed
Come my darling
It is time for you to live with us
Happy Mother’s day
I do love you!
May 10, 2015
They needed help
Walking alone in the dark.
A broken down car.
The child frightened,
But not understanding
That would soon
Come her way.
Her parents petrified
That their baby was gone,
Over forbidden images
That crowded their way
Past ice cream sundays
And birthday parties
And wedding days.
A doer of good deeds.
He looks into
the little girl's eyes.
The girl speaks,
"This is not my dad"
And the coward
who took her,
Believing he saved
From a long, cold walk,
Saved a child
From a long, cold death.
I dreamt my mother mourned a broken doll,
porcelain, sad brown eyes, and five feet tall.
Entombed it in the finest place she could,
a cottage encircled by sunlit wood.
She danced a silent waltz with it, keening,
encouraging life in the wretched thing.
And it mended as she was worn away.
She did not hear when warned of her decay.
I was left a pristine porcelain doll,
and a broken mother in its enthrall.
The deadly white of winter had descended.
Mountain high piles of snow braced the phone poles.
Mufflers donned we left for school unattended
for mother lay crying in her bed, we were not whole.
Father left many nights ago it seemed
we did not know the why, the what or when, just then
what would we do for Christmas, mother screamed.
In this earthly sorrow two little girls cried again.
All of eight was I, and she was but three,
No tree was dressed within the cold, white, rented farm house
only paper chains no sweet cane candy
the kitchen cupboards were bare even for the mouse.
The night bleak, mother pulled us on a sled
to Gran's we went, through snow and cold for dinner time.
Ma's heart had gone, when Father left her bed
Downcast, we trudged without Daddy's car, we climbed.
We came home and settled in, night brought surprise
our Daddy had come home, and it was Christmas night
he brought me a bike, a green and white prize
But all I cared about was the smile in his eyes.
The howls of the wolfs strike the beast beneath the bed it roars
For it’s the full moon to night Scary of course
The little kid crawls out the bed to go to the toilet that night
When he thinks of the witches and the beasts that bit
He steps back into bed when he gets a horrible frit
A ghost comes out the cupboard a skeleton from beneath the bed
A monster comes through the door way that he thinks will eat his head
A witch hackles from in his draws and then he fins out
It’s his sister his brother his mother and his father all messing about
From beneath the bed his brother with a skeleton mask
Well in his cupboard his father with out a doubt
From in his draws his sister the smell little brat
From under the door way his mother of course he did say note
What he did was put his hand in his desk grab a water gun and squirted them all and his mum
He felt kind of stupid much more then he did before
When he found out it was is nan and granddad how organized it all
My little one don't be afraid
My two arms were softly made
To comfort you and keep you safe
Please put a smile on your face
And let me hug you sweet and tight
Whispering you'll be alright
In a low voice helping you
Know that I will pull you through
Making sure you understand
I will always hold your hand
Pulling you up with such care
Making troubles disappear
Out of sight now and forever
I will do my best to never
Let you down in any way
My love for you will always stay
In your heart never to leave
I want you to please believe
There is nothing I wont do
To prove how much I care for you
A cold autumn morning,
new rains have arrived
today not so ordinary
A little girls birthday goes by
she had an accident
she awoke in her bed wet
today she is six, a present she did
A day without the jug cord
would be her birthday wish
Her hope is soon faded,
for there her mother stood,
A birthday beating just begun-
her mothers' way
of a little fun
"you dirty little b!#@h"!
I'm sick of washing your sheets
this will fix you...and fix you good
till you're black and blue
...or till I'll make you bleed"!
Happy Birthday to me...
through aches and tears
I am happy
I survived to date six years
alone in her closet
she'd make this her car
travel to far away happy lands
go shopping for a star
once she bet the jug cord
she collected up the sheets
took her mums' old coal shovel
buried them under the house
darkest corner beneath,
her father gave her sixpence
every time she was dry,
or if she wet, he'd make her wetter
he'd put her in a cold bath
the little girl would trick him,
moving the sheets about
her mother would come in the room
catch the little girl out
the little girl did such things
out of fear she lied
the little girl was in a place
she was trying to survive
she adapted to her father
she adapted to her mother
though difficult it was
it affected everything
looking back the way she was
she changed her life completely
eradicated the fear
her life gets better and better
year after year
her mum and dad to this day
the little girl forgave
she understands the way they were
a woman she has grown
forgiving to her grave
she struggles on her birthday
preferring to enjoy
her spirit accepts what happened
on that day the present
‘0 LITTLE WHITE TABLET’
O little white tablet, how I hate you,
I was only 21 years old, when introduced to you.
You looked so innocent, so white, so pure.
I was told you were the answer to everything,
No-one told me, when they introduced me to
the rest of your family, the yellow and the blue.
The blue being five times stronger than you.
No-one told me of the dangers you held within.
Of all the pain I would have to go through, all the suffering.
No-one told me. YOU would rob me, of eighteen
years of my life.
That I would be unable to function properly,
as a Mother and Wife.
No-one told me, I would get addicted to you.
Of all the pain and suffering, I would
have to go through.
To get you out of my system, alone took two years.
Two more years of heartbreak, many, many tears.
Then to find out, I had Agoraphobia.
Several more years, destroyed by fear.
Which a lot of people, say is caused by you.
Not being able to go out, far or near.
Hurting all the ones, I loved so dear.
O little white tablet, how I hate you.
But in the end I was the winner Not you.
This poem refers to prescribed drugs
I like to wear mask
I wear a mask everyday
This mask I wear for my mom
This mask I wear for my brothers
This mask I wear for my sisters
This mask I wear for my dad
This mask I wear for my aunts
This mask I wear for my cousins
This mask I wear for my uncles
This mask I wear for my grandma
This mask I wear for my grandpa
This mask I wear for friends
This mask I wear for strangers
I've grown so accustomed to wearing a mask, I've even made myself believe it's my face.
It's sometimes painted.
It's sometimes plain
It's sometimes decorated
But even after all that, when the night comes and I'm sitting alone I remove the mask. And out falls everything that I fear.My scars shows.And the darkness finally is let out.
I can cry, silently
My screams are never heard.
But that's alright, as long as everyone else is happy it's fine right?
To be honest, you just sound selfish.
Come when you are ready to love me
And come when you realized more of love
The time when flesh mean nothing than dust
Come when you are ready to see me
Not just pain that paint my solace soul
And when darkness no longer breeds sorrow
Come when you really want pure bliss
And call to whom that bestow blessings
Wait for me as I stagger like a foolish pagan
Come when all sores are wide open
Wide enough for a blind eye to see
Call me before dawn fades my dreams
Light the wisdom of the goddess to this valley
A valley I wander through day and night
Find your vanity before winter wrinkle all sweat
I shall wait to the corner of your heart all night
Visit me more often than you thirst for water
Water my dust with your pure tears
Look for signs to those flourishing flowers
And sing my last rhymes of sweet poetry
Let the Deicide commence.
You're a voyeur at best!
Your vampiric heart is beating out of your chest!
And you have slayed the ones whom would love you for anything less
Ready to consume the final fragments of innocence,
And for you there is no forgiveness,
On your knees pleading, screaming to a tyrant in the skies;
The father of lies.
I will never be enslaved in your superiority
The people agree: jaded of your false dichotomies.
Know: I will be whomever nature intends to be
Apollo and I will share our dreams,
and you will be forced to see
I know who you are...
Readily the first to present your scars
Chained by some despot or mental czar
An emotional homunculus in your mind, behind bars
Reluctant to escape - even when proven fake
Your demented mind - depths no one will penetrate!
...And you see me suffering
Not caring of any casualties
Just as long you recieve your safeguard of sympathy
So very wary of the masses and their Anarchy; Liberious ways
Solipsist - Is there no one you can see?
Even if she was presented burning?
Solipsist - Is there no one you can believe?
Even if Sophia was screaming?
Solipsist - Know you have killed and abused me
Imprisoned in your own personal reality
Let another sun set,
Let another flower wilt,
Let another autumn cast its gloom,
Let another tear role,
As ye part, and bid
The final adieu.
St. Stephen’s college
Story of a boy.....
I was to go to bed at 8 that night
When there was firing at the door,
Heard mom gasp,"God save my son."
I had no idea of what was in store.
We ran to the basement and shut it tight,
Mom pointed to the passage where dad hauls in wood
Sternly commanded me to go
While still as stone there she stood.
The sinners banged the door hard,
Through the passage there was just room for me to fit
So I sat down and shook my head,
There was no way that on my mother I'd quit.
She looked at me in the eye and gave me a kiss
And said,"Darling please listen to me,
I love you so very much
As fast as you can, do get to daddy."
'I'll get Dad' I thought and started to crawl,
I had to hurry,the door had almost gave way too
Noticed a sharp thing in the way and stopped,
But mom, in haste pushed me through.
I yelped in pain as iron cut my arm,
But what hurt me more was the door falling with a 'thud'.
Scars on my soul left me nightmares for years to come
Mom's cries and final scream echoing as I ran in the mud.
Fifteen years later, in the same but better town,
I show my arm to my wife and say
"If not for these scars I was left with
I would be with mom today."
You Drive me into this Malice, into this Maze
I can only see the last of days
Your Creation Failed With Me
Burn with malice as you bridge to the plains of ennui
I pray for mother
You could have stayed
Forever was my longing
Does it really have to be you?
Mothers are too special to lose
You gave me life mother
You raised me into a man I am today
I will forever be grateful to you
Out of nothing, you gave me food
Out of nothing, you clothed me
Out of nothing, you sent me to school
You were the best
In your shadow I had shade
You called me Father.
For I carried grandfather’s name
Now I understand how special I was to you
You felt grandfather in me
Who will ever call me that again?
I forbid my thoughts to go deep
For the deeper it goes, the deeper it hurts
I can still hear your voice mother
I can still see you in my dreams
You left without saying good-bye,
Were you mad at me mother?
Deep in my heart, you will always have a home
My sisters and brothers are heartbroken
They are all grown up
But they still need you Mother
Do you still remember your grandchildren?
The youngest is not yet a year old
She will never see your beautiful smile mother
You could have waited
So she does something for you
Fetch water or call you grandmother
We all miss you mother
It’s hard to know you are never coming back
One after another
We will join you mother
We are not afraid of death any more
For we have a place with you
God almighty will meet us someday
Then I will see you for myself again
We will talk and laugh
Just like we used too
Now you live in a far away land
We can’t change that, not even God almighty
I will teach my heart to live without you mother
Though it is hard
I will learn to miss you
I will learn to live without you
But I will never forget you
It’s the body I will never see
Your time is gone Mother
Now you live in a new world
There you will never grow old
There you will never die
I have peace in my heart
For I am reconciled by God’s mercy
My father in heaven comforted me
Now I know you are happy there
The pain I felt
The pain that tortured me
Will never torment me again
You departed with all my tears
With all my strength
With all my hope
And with all my faith
But God gave me a thousand reasons to smile
In am now back on track
Rest in peace dear mother,
It was the will of God
Who am I to question him?
I never did when you were given to me
And somehow I knew this day will come
Let his name be exalted
We meet again Mother
This I know.
With soap in hand placed in my mouth
Head hangs over toliet tongue heads south
Dirty words no more
Gun fire all around, bombs going off in the distance
It was some of the angry mobs and resistance
Father was the king of SafeHaven a small kingdom
Like all other kingdoms it fell in random
Fire started in the castle
And along with it came a battle
It was a distance memory now because the child has now grew
Many things in this child that made memories stew
My name is Mastrey, a young orphan who was there that night
Mastrey saw her in the distance and her father and mother in his sight
Everyone was loud that night and made all the children hide
But that evening Mastrey saw her mother and father die
She ran into the bushes in such a fright
And evil doers were running around with flashlights
Mastrey remember it as he distracted them
Her eyes was so confused with problems
Mastrey new that it was because of what just occurred
His feelings of what those people did was not awkward
The distraction worked, he went back to were she was
Hiding and very scared she was, he asked her, can you trust me just because?
Her answer that night depended on her lively hood
As Mastrey was their with his hand reaching out to her as he stood
Pulling her up from the ground he looked into her eyes that were SeaBlue
Mastrey had made a life long friend and love, She knew it was true
Next: My Story Telling, Who is this Princess
I can't hear the words as they come from my mouth
I can't hear the screams as they work their way out
As I write all is seen is a blur and blank moment and
Once recovered sensed the words were written,not
Even a look to see what was written only to know it
Was there.Sleepless night,taunt filled faces horde my
Dreams.Have this made me fall so low no longer am I
Am I able to stand on my own to feet.How many times
Will you make me cry before claiming only to being a
Witness in a crime,your crime. Putting on that face
Working the crowds with amazing easily,how I hate you
Yes all the thing I think about revolve around you.
How many times have I witness myself wound my self
With your blade? As though under a spell doing as order
Without a cry to the world what made me so diligent ?
But no longer can you be a witness,No longer can I be
A witness to these crimes that been committed.Be us both
Sinners be us both lovers be that we both be cursed
We shall witness our sins become whole and the love in
Which we share spread further and further like the flames
Of hades. May there be peace for sinners in the next world.
We are both witnesses and at the same time
We are both sinners one day to become consumed by our
Own darkness how far will we fall until that moment comes?
May we be good may we be bad may we fall may we live may
May we die or carry on we are the Witnesses We are the Sinners
To this world and the next.
The phone rings innocently.
Who is at the other side?
Could be no one then yet a peculiar feeling tells
me it is the bearer of bad news.
Still I answer hoping I am wrong.
My mother is ill, trapped between two worlds;
the worlds of fear and courage.
My ears hear every word but my mind has created a
sudden barrier that nothing seems to
penetrate like some sort of
steel web of unwanted denial.
Fear floods my body like a torrent
river flow, eroding strength
How much longer can I bare it?
Never it seems but hope still glimmers
regardless of how dim.
Miles are between us,
I feel numb and unexpectedly lost.
Where am I?
It’s certainly not here in the presence
of fallen angels.
The bell of hope strikes a sharp note creating a
gentle chime awaking my
senses to the news,
they are sharpened making
the fear of loss suddenly
commanding, corrupting my
inner strength making it weak.
I continue to listen all the
while my body is screaming
The voice stopped, I hung up,
the pain and fear never lessened.
Time went by all the while my
mind was constantly in a state
of anguish and grief.
Endless stories were created,
each one worse than the last.
My family begun to shatter like
a broken mirror, reflecting only
the scars of misery and needless
Hope still glimmered but appeared
distant and out of reach.
My mind grew tender, endless misery
has eaten away at my last thoughts
The sting of fear created heartache
for the bond between mother and child
was nearly severed,
severed by the hands of
an unwanted deity.
A deity of life itself.
The wind blew events all over the place.
Intense emotions and it gave chase.
Lightning lighting to show us the sky.
People try to sleep and not cry.
Wisping by the wind keeps us awake.
The time trying to sleep the storms take.
Chills in everyone gives all shiver.
The clouds surrounded by moonlight is silver.
Heavenly prayers that the rain will stop.
The flood stopped a car the person in it was a cop.
People have seen such devastation.
The road that people made was week in creation.
Rivers near by was over flowing.
Trees that were there was not showing.
By the hour it claimed many.
My father woke up and did not see any.
Floating by was a boat.
Keeping people above water and a float.
My father kept a canoe.
That some day we would use it, that he knew.
Time to paddle up and down the street.
The rain water kept getting on our seat.
It was so dark after the moon was behind the cloud.
Still the noise of thunder still covered the ears loud.
The smell of moist water never seem to go away.
My brothers seem to still sleep anyway.
My head was bobbing up and down.
I was so tired that I could not hear a sound.
The wind blew back and fourth.
It seems that my mom and dad paddle their worth.
Till all the people we saw with grace.
Help us out with embrace.
The time was so late at night.
Everyone was so sleepy and losing sight.
The fight with the weather was so hectic.
The feelings of energy was electric.
Losing to such natural disaster is hard to understand.
When people working hard to block the river with bags of sand.
With hard workers like my mom and dad.
They make things happen that is not bad.
Rough with weather they experience more than ever.
Leaders they are they are very clever.
From the night light of street lights to the morning glow.
The wind did not stop so.
Bringing in more clouds that ill.
The people who were still tired still had will.
The rush of water and waves blasting push the wall side.
Pushing and the force brought water inside.
The battle of our hour was getting long.
Backup people came to aid us was strong.
Rested they were to keep everyone with hope.
The people stopped the water with the strength of rope.
Heavy rain and loss of homes bring people together.
It is kind of sad that this was the only time to gather.
Chaos comes happiness how true.
This is why we are human that gives us a clue.
It is our nature to keep rain falling.
To know when it is time for our calling.
The winds bring such pain and sorrow.
That is why rain sometimes fallow.
I feel as though time is slipping away,
And more is gone each passing day…
Sad girl rising
Let me tell you about this girl I know
My cousin, this girl be
Her life has been so very sad
But how wonderful is she
She was a wild child, till she married
And had her first born child
When she found out that his brain was damaged
It really drove her wild.
She took the Doctor through the courts
Then fought for ten long years
To get the money she deserved
And she cried so many tears
She gained a million pound at last
To help her with the lad
And yet the damage it was done
And it really drove her mad.
Her and her hubby cared for he
And gave their lives to him
It was a twenty four, seven job
But at times it got real grim
She would do just anything
To make his life more sweet
But when she got that Parkinson’s
She was close on to defeat
But no, she struggled with the odds
And though it’s ten years on
Never does this girl give up
When all her hope seems gone
She smiles, and carries on with courage
Like I’ve never seen before
She’s something kind of wonderful
She’s a hero, that’s for sure.
30 July 2o13 @ 1043hrs.
Last night I dreamed
The dream I had was all in white
As pure as driven snow
And the whiteness of it all
Did bring me down quite low
There was something very scary there
In the whiteness of it all
The sameness there in everything
Kind of drove me up the wall.
I looked into the neighbours yard
As the sun was shining bright
I heard an infant screaming loud
There bathed within the sunlight
Was parked a pram upon the lawn
Which glowed with mystery
My mother’s passion was aroused
I took a look to see
I peeped into that pure white pram
A babe was lying there
All swaddled in a pure white shawl
Just white was everywhere
The whole wide world, Was beamed in light
It was a scary feel
I found myself in corridors
This place it seemed unreal.
Each corridor was long and winding
Like serpents, in my dream
And everywhere were locked, white rooms
This place to me it seemed
Like a hospital, insane asylum
Or something of this kind
I just ran round, and round, and round
With panic in my mind.
I could not find my room at all
And every one I asked
Just looked at me with blank expressions
It was a mammoth task
Trying to find where I was at
It almost drove me mad
And then I saw my. Daughter there
And boy! this made her glad.
She handed me the baby
And told me loudly “Take it”
And then I woke up from my sleep
It made me think a bit
As to what this dream was all about
It was the strangest dream
I’d love to get into my mind
And find out what it means.
28 July 2013 @ 1417hrs.
I do not know?
Whispers in your ear you fear
The child with no mother is near
As she promotes her soul within
To see you lifeless cunning grin
The warped faze and constant glaze
Undress your body with ever rage
As she smells fear from near your maze
Your mind at ease is restless peace
The clock strikes 12 tic toc heart stopped
She warms you up as her baby soft touch
Enters your cloned state of mind
From the cloned state of time
When things where in rhyme
Of a perfect loves chime
Ticking away the clock strikes 1
The motherless daughter shows you her fun
And see where it leads as she shows you who won
And see her heart bleed as her mother did once
The clock strikes 2 she reloads the gun
Points it at you as she smiles you hear the drum
Her heart beats loud keeping tune in her womb
As the trigger from her lonely motherless gun
Come to halt as the clock strikes back towards 1
She sees youuagain as you where back in time
Back in time when her mom was around showing prime
Back in time when she smiled at others with a crime
Back in time as she feels her heart stop in rhyme
Tick tock the gun pulled her shock
Back to time it did her
As the motherless deter
Bring your pain
Bring your shame
For we all are motherless sons
For we are all cowards of none
The same said for her
As the motherless daughter
Could fear nothing more
Than her shadow on the wall
you think I got listen to you,
you just my kids father,
there noting between me and you,
it seem the words take you back to court is your favorite words,
get this Sheena Shenia Jackson isn't scare of no court system or even you,
its just a word that is there,
so if you ask me you just things to make women scared im not scare of you like I use to,
I have became stronger and wiser,
I have the Lord behind me,
I believe in him very strong,
so if you want to bring me back to court lets do this now,
you are just a man that God put on this earth,
and I fear no man, no woman and no body,
I am a King child forever,
by : Sheena Shenia Jackson
May 23, 2013
I cannot get into heaven
God I have tried!
Suicide is a double edge sword
Especially when you survive!
Walking the streets at night
Dazed and confused
Longing to be loved
When is Mum, coming for me?
"Does she still love me?"
"Does she still care?"
"Does she still think of me?"
"Does she wonder, where I am?"
I want her to come find me
I want her to say she 'loves me’
I want her to comfort me
I want her to take me home
And keep me safe
And not forget hat I exist
Like the way she treats me now
I wish God
Could make my Mum
Making this hellish nightmare
On the street
“Send my Mum please!”
So, all this can end!
Before this last ray of hope
Diminishes for good!
I don’t want to become
The walking dead
Forever forgotten as if
I was never born!
For this is the cruel, harsh reality
Of living life, feeling unloved
Uncared for, abandoned,
Left to fend for my own
A dangerous killer inside me
Eating away, at my soul
Something, no one can see
As I suffer in silence
My insides crippling!
Lost, alone and frightened
Weeping on a dirty
Graffiti park bench
Rolling down my cheeks
Stuffing newspapers under my jumper
To keep myself warm
“What am I going to do?”
“Will I make it through the night?”
“Will I get raped and beaten?”
"Will I be left for dead?”
“Will I survive
To see another day?
“Is my life worth living?”
Please God, I beg of you
Have mercy now
Please show me the way!
Strange or not
Odd and fun.
That’s not all
And still are
Strange and odd.
life is life.
Not is lies.
Truth seeps from
Lies, lies, lies
Move, move, move
Lies are life.
Lies are death.
Lies are homes.
Lies are pain.
Lies are truth.
Truth is life.
Truth is death.
Truth is home.
Truth is pain.
Truth is lie.
Truth is that.
Lies will die.
Lies will cease.
Truth will live.
Truth will be.
A serpent underneath blue sky,
in shade of man, in twinkle of an eye,
above brick wall, in the structure, at the floor,
venom of white dove; contaminated food, undrinkable water,
misguided youth, pregnant daughter, unfaithful father and hateful son,
mothers do pray while we walk through Babylon;
on teli and in the press, on top shells,
price none the less, in bedroom and at your door..
dawn of a new day seemed to be dark,
his love so toxic
his dream became her nightmare
distraught mother begs
suspended from the window
he just let them go
he killed their children
helpless as her tears roll down
her will to live gone
*just to clear up the confusion
this is actually written for
Andrea's movie contest!!*
I find myself not , eating, thinking, and sleeping
Sometimes , not doing things right in my life
The many obstacles , Im going threw
Just to reach one goal
The many blocks, I walk
Day or Night
Sometimes confuse on time
Wishing it was a dream
The moment , I heard
You went to sleep
All, I keep saying is
Who , understood me like you
For the many reasons
I love you
I appreciated everything, you did
From the braveness, you gave my soul
The gentleness, in your words
For each teardrop, you wiped off my face
Now, my teardrops seem to reach the ground
While , I look in (Heaven)
Praying your looking down
Showering this fear off my skin
Feel my feet
They're so weak
But , for you
I get on my knees
Singing and crying, to God
That my angel is you
So , I can whisper in your ear
Mama, make me brave
Brave like you
June 8th 2012