isn’t make believe
do you understand it?
I do not know?
Writing down my feelings
Mental health healing
Writing down my actions
Nothings a distraction
She looks pretty in blue
She's too good for you
Always looking around
You’ll end on the ground
Looking for the dog?
Try throwing his log
If you find the cat
Name it pat
I do not know?
Crying Loudly but its all in my head,
The expression you see is a smile instead,
But if you look deep in my eyes they will tell you a tale
About how my appearance became so frail.
For the people around me I put on an act,
To hide the truth of control my life lacked.
Inside I am weak, Helpless and cold,
I feel Ive no-one to comfort me,no-one to hold.
I pace up, down and around my bed,
Trying to clear my head,
But inside my mind where the voices hide
I listened to what they said.
The noises I hear are the voices I fear,
I cannot drown out the sound.
Palms sweating and my heart is racing,
Collapsing to the ground.
Chest tightening...I cannot breathe, My visions turning black,
Here again on my own suffering another Panic Attack!
Will mental illness drive you insane,
Or will it force you to remain.
Locked up inside
Like a prisoner on death row
Barred in like somebody we used to know.
Prison wouldn't be so bad to me,
If I was wasn't already locked down, you see
In my own body I cannot move
Trapped inside a dimension we're trying to prove.
Maybe one day I'll be as free as a bird
Then hopefully I'll be heard.
Until that day where freedom is granted,
People continue to look at me slanted.
Like I'm so different from you or anyone,
I think you would listen if I brandished my gun.
That's how it feels on any given day
I almost purposely lost my mind,
to be confined to four walls
of intesifying white,
but if the pen was a threat
I'd hospitalize my life
by falling ill to death,
a little more
and I'd sink into
my hands in one sweet sobbing drone
to drown in fumes-
so take me to the tent, because
I proper express my emotions in vent,
doctors purely expressing obligations of
higher in command, and that because
of handbooks handed down from legal hands...
first the fist,
then sweet logic missed,
and the product of beaurocracy- shaking
obligatory hands in exchange for coins
later laid to rest on Ophelia's blessed
eyes, floating down the river
dead of liver failure and hands stained with
blood and vomit,
waited too long for the happiness
to set in, until organs bled in, unable to contain
the love, Oh Joy! If I could recompense
my friends and family who suffered at my expense-
I cry, I have my own cell and I stick my hands
out of steel bars, to be washed
of ultimate sin, the inability to let God in,
I killed his son today, the easy way, letting Lucifer
sit in the brain, and breed cruel thoughts now laid,
Hell No... all heaven sent, each thought is a plot,
but each thought is an idea I misrepresent,
I won't repent, I won't repent, I won't repent,
burning hot in the Hot Tent.
What is Perfection???
Is it just the other’s Expectations???
Rather, it is Self-satisfaction!
Today, there are many who aren’t perfect,
And are worried anout their self-respect.
They are turning fatal,
Because we people have taged them “Mental”.
Is is just because of their abnormal behavior?
That they are treated and ignored so severe?
Or is it just that they can’t express,
And we Are always there to supresss???
It makes me sad to see them so,
Such life is bropught to them by a terrible low!
People need to change their perception,
And treat those for gratification!
The worls assumes the word “mental” very negatively,
And the awareness about its health should be spread positively.
I wish to see the change in coming tomorrow,
And pray to see no sorrow!
Life has given us chance to be brave,
So, use the chance and be great!
I have extremely dangerous mental health.
I had one session with a psychiatrist, then he killed himself.
So I guess it's very true
the damage my whining can do.
It’s National Mental Health Awareness Week
and I’m finding new resources to help
me again and pretend there is hope until there is
hope all who suffer find some peace
and mind that can settle
enough to remember
joy and grace.
and I’m using my trusty computer and low and behold like magic
my mind conjures my brothers who I’ve been missing…
they live so far away and when I’m convinced I am all alone with no hope
I want their company, want some family ya know.
And so an email pops up from my brother
with a link to an old song coming up new from Jackson Browne
and I’m thrown into the past… and how touched I was with his lyrics and music….
I was hopelessly scared and drunk all the time
and one day I locked myself in the bathroom, laid on the tiles
that were heated copper, naked and listening to Jackson Browne.
I knew he knew and I wanted to talk to him
and I found his phone number and I called him
on my old funky phone that reached all the way to the bathroom, 837-2400….
he was there but I chickened out and hung up,
passed out on the hot tiles
and woke to the wind rattling the window
and noise from down the hall coming from the family room….
the big room, the belly, the heaven and hell
where this family dwelled in love and pain and confusion….
ribs, lungs, wooden beams heaved with thunder, rain and we held steady…
none of us were ready to be
Thrown out into our lives. Thirsty.
With a view to helping the mentally sick
Let's make the following decisions quick:
That no place in the world be devoid of
basic psychiatric care
and research into
organic brain damage
Should get prompt and firm patronage
Medicines for control of epilepsy
Should be on top agenda of every country
Each firm should have an infrastructure
to tackle workplace stress
And to help people in mental distress
Research centers for neurosis and psychosis
Be set up in each hospital premises
As patients of depression tend to commit suicide
Let's to them prompt treatment provide
And to train mentally challenged in self care
Let individuals donate their share
To minimize the incidence of mental diseases
Let's ensure healthy ambience in all countries
people talk about me like im a special case in a mental hospital, i used to be depressed, but now my life is more than dull, i think so many thoughts, my mind is way over full, i get hot in cold places, like summertime wool. give in to madness, its gravity's pull, i want to go swim, so i jump from the hull, im as small as an ant, like im wearing a skull, im walking a horse, but im riding a bull. but i really don't care, because i love the attention, people talk about me, like something they forgot to mention, i have so much stuff, its the biggest collection, im insane but not crazy, and that is a correction.
Ah, a mental block-
a temporary thing, like
a folded napkin!
years of abuse add up
the judge gives them a prison sentence
which they serve and then get released
next thing that person knows as they try to rebuild their life
starting from the bottom
They approached you
two months after your sentence
tell you you are court ordered
for a 30 day psychiatric assessment
you dont get out for years
made to believe you are sick
witnessing nurses affairs with patience
man with a broken leg forced to walk
young girls screaming rape
the whole time knowing you are not supposed to be there
everyday another fight you can never win
finally you get away
addicted to their pills
everyday a struggle
for years keeping appointments
not understanding what is going on
You serve your sentence
then you serve another one
never knowing what judge sentenced you there
every doctor from a different country
telling you life isn't fair
Doctor's lieing to your family
about biting and kicking him
maximum security forensics
in and out of group homes for years
Then one day you quit taking your meds
tired of the side affects
and suddenly you begin waking up early
doing your laundry
cleaning your house
the hindsight remains
I wasn't supposed to be there
no judge sentenced me there
allah almighty answers the phone when you call amnesty international
Unable to become erect
covered in scales
when you can't afford not to think clear
Go tell eminem i get it
I walked the ward for you
made to think i was sick my whole life
and then sickened by the things i went through
I now have
A tremendous wealth
There's nothing better
Than mental health
Weeks of soul searching
And travels through my past
So, here I am
Free at last
Feeling no guilt
Or sins that need repent
There's nothing but love
In my time well spent
Move only forward
Put the past to rest
The future holds only happiness
That was just a test
There is a girl a now
shes almost gotten away
played the game
jumped through the hoops
told me some secrets
while she was there she was sexually assaulted
hey i don't pay taxes
so i don't get to choose the channel
i want to watch on the televisions
that are there for the patients
i might be crazy but you know what
i can still remember what my delusions
are and what the reality is on my better days
for me its like a movie or a song stuck in my head
sexual assaults, and a place to be toyed with, a place to go to die from the age of
16 until you die, a place to run from the insanity you witness to be brought back
and punished with the fact their lengthening your stay and upping your poison
that doesn't heal!!!!
A boy singing in his room
too loud to keep the peace of the unit
was sent to maximum security for just that reason
neighbored with man in shackles and chains
just after Arthur had died
and Andrew ran away
he sang his songs
and one day couldn't get coffee out of a coffee pot
so he twisted the lid
to ease the flow
and guess what
he got a needle in his butt
and the doctor lied to his father about the whole ordeal
and for two weeks after he could no longer participate in gym activities
later that Christmas
they threw his Christmas cards away
saying they were fire hazards
opening the blue pages dialing number after number after number
to report leaky pipes the sewer smell
I'll tell you one thing about those power trippers
the people that work there make it very obvious
they only work there because they are afraid to quit
because they fear they know too much
they are addicted of the group mentality of forcing medications upon those who
don't want it
I've never seen something so ugly
some things in reality are there for reason
some things are there to be changed
but when something creates so many causalities and this is just a few
which i will explain,
one was addicted to drugs
one was probably in need of help
and one was me
but we are all victoms a who gets away
in sickness or in health
would rather die in our hallucinations and illness
than be brought back there
to go through than level of torture to be brought back to the next nightmare
the psychiatrists call better
makes me wonder why soo many of the ill find hospitals just another political
war zone we are all innocent pawns of some unholy war game people with
money. I will find ways to turn the tables, this i swear
Arthur was 16 when he entered the system
i could never ask him why
he was too old when i met him
he was on soo many pills
and not very pleasant to talk to
he heard voices
he would sometimes get up and punch someone
but who knows if they deserved it
after being in a mental institute
from the age of 16 until the day you die
wouldn't you go crazy
the first real guinea pig
i met him
i never cried for him and his pain
but he always wanted to check my shave,
perhaps a victim from some sick war crime
I'll never know
Graham is not from our country
and I've written amnesty international concerning his welfare
they say its not any of their concern
as he wears shackles and chains on a daily basis
and goes to the bathroom in a diaper and eats cold food like sandwiches
because he hits people
mainly his doctor who lies to him
in my opinion
just like the doctor lied to my dad about me trying to bite him,
but i have no proof
just lucky I'm not in chains
going to the bathroom in a diaper
I know he committed a crime but two years locked in one room
alone with a window curtain opening and closing to spy on you
is enough psychological insanity to inspire mania if you ask me
Andrew was a crack head
and held up some convenience stores for some money
so he could get drugs
now hes been in the funny farm for like twelve years
still trying to get a hold of his next hit
watching his youth disappear
watching his life fade away
jumping through the hoops of a system that holds your freedom above you
that may or may not ever grant it
Andrew ran away
gave it all he got
saw people chained to the wall
people dieing there from the age of 16 for ridiculous crud
and knew they were toying with him
so he ran away
now he on a unit where god only knows
what mind hell they're putting him through
what rainbows hes swallowing down
Shelley was the meanest woman i had ever met
but it was always worth seeing her smile
don't know haven't figured out if the drugs really helped her
but she was in that place since she was seventeen
and died in a group home from some sickness
they claim wasn't related to her meds
I'm no fool, the stuff they pump us full of is deadly and toxic
i never made it to Shelly's funeral to see her murderers
there crying fake tears
for someone they would never really miss