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Lyric Humorous Poems | Lyric Poems About Humorous

These Lyric Humorous poems are examples of Lyric poems about Humorous. These are the best examples of Lyric Humorous poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Lyric | |



He’s out of my life
Because he’s got a wife
And I don’t know whether to laugh or cry
If I see him now I’d whack him in the eye
But if I had a knife
I’d pass it on to his wife

He would hold my hands
We’d make love on the sands
To think for two years he was here
He had the best of both worlds now he lives in fear
So I better not expand
Or I’ll soon be on remand!

So I’ve learned that I’m not his possession
And I’ve learned that this guy I hate
Now he’s gone and I’ve got depression
But I’ve learned too late

He's out of my life
Gone back to his wife
Guess I loved him but found out he lied
If I get my hands on him I’ll end up inside
And it cuts like a knife
But the rat is out of my life

Jan Allison
10th August 2014

Details | Lyric | |

Oh Uhura - To Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah

There was a Starship Enterprise,
It was the ruler of the skies,
But you don't really care for sci-fi, do you?
With Captain Kirk
And Mr Spock
And don’t forget the trademark jock,
And there upon the bridge you’ll find Uhura

Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura 
Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura

You’ll find Bones Macoy down in sickbay,
“I’m a doctor Jim” he’d say,
And cure whatever space bug ran through you,
He’ll banish away every cough,
Even if your name’s Chekov,
Or perhaps you might be sweet Uhura

Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura
Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura

To make the starship up and go,
The man you really need to know,
Is the Helm officer called Sulu,
But if it’s a message you’d like to send,
Then of course you can depend,
Upon the talented Miss Uhura,

Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura
Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura

Your voyage lasted three short years
But despite the trekkie’s fears,
It wouldn’t be the last time that we’d view you,
Of feature films there’d be twelve,
Before the franchise they would shelve,
But we won’t forget you dear Uhura

Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura
Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura
Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura
Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura

Oh Uhura

Details | Lyric | |

Cowboys Can Change

Inspired by another poem by another poet---------just for fun

Oh, I didn't know that cowboys
weren't respected and revered
John Wayne, when he passed away
Brought me close to tears
But now I know that people
Think we're all just trailer trash
So I've taken of my boots
And tossing out my hats

There's no more eating beans
upon these dirty plates
And movin' from this trailer park
Oh brother I can wait
But, putting cars on blocks
Oil changes in the yard
Stopping those activities
I swear it will be hard

Beer cans won't get piled high
In a pyramid, way out back
My pit bulls won't be barkin'
Always ready to attack
Soon I'll trade-in my pick-up
For a brand new SUV
And I'll become more citified 
For the whole dang world to see

I won't mistreat my woman
And call her an old cow
And I won't let my kid's
Ride a bull, or catch a sow
Oh, I didn't know that cowboys
Were just lazy and no good
So we're moving from the country
Right to your neighborhood 

Details | Lyric | |


I bring hit after hit like a boxer
You haters' inconsistent
Everybody's on the same vibe
Mine's kinda' different
Verse hot, hook hot--
I'm gon' sellout soon as I drop
Verse hot, hook hot--
I'm gon' sellout soon as I drop

Minor in poetry, fine-arts major

Doctor goon on deck, call this a fear-factor

I'm going in, but I ain't got no curfew

I son a lot of you, it's like I birth you

Got a lot of verses, but this ain't a Bible

Fallout when you hear this, I ain't liable

Ain't talking 'bout tearing, but the beats R.I.P

Didn't sell a lot of tracks, but I got D.O.E

Put you up on game, my hustle's M.O.E

Music over everything, ain't moving 'D'

I got cash like the bank, I sell CD's

Smells funny, tickled my nose, I might sneeze

You would think I'm water, the way I flow

I'm just like some dynamite, bound to blow

Act like you're in a recliner, lay back

If I ain't on fire, then why they say that?

Feature, feature, can I get a feature

So far ahead I sit on competition--bleacher

My Raps' like a bunch of apartment buildings, complex

Got chicks on my jock', ain't talking 'bout sex

I'm so different, it's magnificent

Haters want me to fall, but that's not how the script went

Thing's fishy, I ain't gettin' caught in that net

Just killed the beat, without breaking a sweat

Details | Haiku | |

The Internet: Return

A void of Facebook
Creativity dies here...

Details | Lyric | |


There's a Cookie Monster 
Somewhere in my house
Cookies are disappearing
Too quick to be a mouse
Yesterday the jar was full
Is there something wrong
Tonight the jar's half empty
Where have cookies gone
I search from room to room
With a flashlight in my hand
I'm down to one last room
Where sleeps my little man
So I quietly open his door
Like a spy I sneak inside
In bed sleeps Cookie Monster
He's not even trying to hide
Crumbs still on his cheeks
And icing still on his lips
A huge smile across his face
He's dreaming chocolate chips

*Missed the contest but still did a monster poem

Date: 10-14-14

Details | Rhyme | |


You know why I run game? It's 'cause I'm a player
I'm the night in shining armor, she's a dragon, I'm gon' slay her
That means when I beat it up, I'm gonna kill it
Tell her keep our business to herself, don't spill it
Can't follow directions, then it's on to the next
Hope you get the message, not talking 'bout a text

I sleep with more chicks than a night-gown

Without 'em I'm like a sentence with no noun

For those who don't know that means incomplete

It's a race to get 'em first, I gotta' compete

They wanna be on the team, tryin' to make the cut

True player, show no feelings, keep 'em in a shell, walnut

Females fill my atmosphere, they mean the world to me

I got damsels galore, it's always plural with me

Got gangs of chicks, which one should I bang

They're steady in my face, sort of like some bangs

Hate when they try to lock me down, I'm not in jail

She starts talking 'bout marriage, then I'm gonna bail

Sometimes I need my space, like a vacant lot

I hate being congested, like a nose filled with snot

Hey, stop bugging me, you startin' to act like a knat

Before you go, give me head, I need it like a hat

Details | Clerihew | |

The Beautiful People

Marilyn Manson
No he wasn’t a singer in Hanson
An ugly song about beautiful people he did pitch
The effort not in vain because he got rich

Details | Lyric | |

Real Deal Woman

Real Deal Woman

Now, honey don't you play around 
You know that it ain’t right 
You be the man who brings to me
A man-size... Appetite

Don't need to go so fast
Just let me set the pace
Turn my green light into Red 
There ain’t No need to race

I’m all that you need
You've already won
I’m all that you need
I’m your real deal woman

It’s something we got cooking  
mix it till it hits the spot 
because I’m full of loving
I'll keep it extra hot 

You’re fueling up my heartbeat
My engine starts to roar 
Cos now it's time to show you
You don't need her anymore

I’m all that you need
You've already won
I’m all that you need
I’m your real deal woman

I’m all that you need
You've already won
I’m all that you need
I’m your real deal woman

Details | Lyric | |

The Pastor's Daughter Nelly

I’ll tell you all a story
Tis one close to my heart
Has love, Has life, It has a cow
A haystack torn apart
The man in question?
Well that be me.
The setting?
Cheltenham Town
So gather all, come, sit around
My tale I shall tell

Oh the pastor’s daughter Nelly
Now she was a lovely lass
Oh quick and witty as the lark
But stubborn as an ass
Her buxom form drove men insane
She let none of them know her name
And well she played them at their game
Did that there lovely lass

Now in that town there was a girl
Just where I used to work
Her Pa a Christian minister
Her Ma a moll did lurk
The cow they kept from nine till five
Was only just for show
Oh what a family they did keep
And now you all shall know


Well home came John the night before
A tad the worse for wear
He’d been with Nelly’s ma he said
She’d legs just like a bear
We shivered and drew him up a pint
His story for to tell
when up he sprang and spilt the glass
A Wager! he did yell


Three and fifty pounds he cried
For the bra of lovely Nell
Brought to me by sunrise boys
Or the wager’s gone to hell
Toward the door we all were bid
Each man was mustard keen
John he rubbed his hands he did
His plan was yet unseen


I quickly made for Craddock farm
Where I knew young Nell did sleep
So soon I came upon the barn
And so began to creep
The darkness swarmed around me
I couldn’t see ‘out all
Save a white and lacy garment
Residing by the stall


I moved to towards the brassieres
And felt the clasp behind
When skin touched skin
Dizzying, I thought I lost my mind
Then suddenly the loudest moo
Ye’ll ever likely hear
did echo round the stable
and deafened my left ear


Out sprang Nell from the haystack
And slapped me well and good
The brassiered cow was most perturbed
And bolted for the wood
I stood in shock aghast to know 
what a fool that I must look
When in walked Nelly’s father
With aloft his holy book


So now I wander banished
From the town I called my own
The clergy all now hate me
Though I am not well known
You’ll see me in the towns and pubs
With a wench or drink in hand
And so I’ll end my tale right now
Go forth,strike up the band

Details | Lyric | |

My Pickup Truck

(song lyrics)
Verse 1:
Now I can’t go fishin’, ‘cuz ya’ sold my rod and reel
Can’t go snow-racin’, ‘cuz ya’ sold my snowmobile
And I got flaws - that’s for sure - and sometimes run amuck
But the final straw that I can’t take: Ya’ sold my pickup truck

You can burn the house, shoot my dog and stomp my ol’ guitar
But when you sold my pickup truck, well, Honey, ya’ went too far

Verse 2:
I didn’t care when ya’ bought that stuff on TV’s QVC
Or ‘cause ya’ always thought of me as your private Money Tree
Or catalog-orderin’ ever’thing from within ol’ Sears Roebuck
But I’ll be danged if I’ll sit still since ya’ sold my pickup truck!

You can burn the house, shoot my dog and stomp my ol’ guitar
But when you sold my pickup truck, well, Honey, ya’ went too far

Verse 3:
So I went and saw a gypsy gal, and a curse on you imposed
To put sand in your chewin' gum and runners in your panty hose
And all your clothes and accessories to never, ever match
And chiggers in your bed sheets - so you’ll always have to scratch!

You can burn the house, shoot my dog and stomp my ol’ guitar
But when you sold my pickup truck, well, Honey, ya’ went too far

Verse 4:
I seen ya’ last Saturday night at Bubba’s Bar and Grill
The image of you in stripes and checks remains within me still
And them red chigger welts upon your nose and face
Tells me that the gypsy curse is workin’ ever’ place!

You can burn the house, shoot my dog and stomp my ol’ guitar
But when you sold my pickup truck, well, Honey, ya’ went too far

Details | Concrete | |


A poem wrote by me, based on Person who is a deserving icon but still struggling hard with his career life and addressed as disturbed creature.

DISTURBED CREATURE--> Am I ??       BY Mrs.Madhavi Suyog Pagare

Am I so insane, Am I so mad,
Dramatic mood of mine is so die hard.
Destroyed my peace, Shattering my dreams,
People call me as disturbed creature.
As like mounting the pain, attenuating the drain!!

Digesting my feelings lying inside me,
Strangely nobody cared, call me sick.
Teasing me lavishly and my heart is pricked,
Hurted me like hell when addressed me as stupid.
As like showering rain, missing on the lane!!

Time lapse in journey of life,
Can hamper anybody on its path.
When I see innate reflex of mine,
I always use to brightly shine.
Though possessing every job attributes of mine,
I never thought the authorities will ditch and hamper my career line.
Falsely acting bloody swine, making my image as fade as wine.
As like affecting harmonious divine, my soul was, as is transparently pristine!!

Destroying me and testing my patience, Never wanna give up.
Transformed deviations, wanna rightly screw up.
I wanna raise up, I wanna shake up.
I wanna wake up, Tranquilize my mind.
Unzip the professional life compressed by the culprits.
Wanna explore myself, driving the motivated heights of journey.
Lastly waiting for the optimistic opportunity.
Cuffing the suspect ,I wanna rejoice by my pattern of life!! 

with Suyog Pagare

Details | Lyric | |

Viagra and Beer

Too much Viagra and beer.
Too much Viagra and beer.
My wife was out of town,
I hit every club around.
Each time I'd hope to find
A horny woman here.

Country Bob's was the last club that was open.
Near blind drunk and horny, but I was still hopin'.
A pretty woman gave me a glance,
Smiled and said, "Nice pants.
Honey, I'm ridin' if you're ropin'."

A few hours later, I was in a Helluva mess
She's still ridin' hard and screamin', "God, this is the best!"
I was dizzy and light-headed. I had pains in my chest,
But she wouldn't stop long enough to call EMS.

When I came to, I was home in my own bed,
Next to my lovely wife; and this is what she said:
"I picked you up at Country Bob's, my dear;
And there's gonna be some changes around here.

You were fantastic last night;
So, I only think its right
If I supplement your diet 
With Viagra and beer."

Viagra and beer. Viagra and beer.
She treats me like a king,
Says I make her body sing;
So, I'm happy on my diet of Viagra and beer.

Yes, I'm happy on my diet of Viagra and beer.

Submitted by: Buzz O'Words
Written: 3/3/14

Details | Rhyme | |


Where I'm from we don't do debts, fronts, or take tabs
They don't understand nothing but stashing cash
Put that money on the head, you don't need a mask
They don't understand nothing but stashing cash
How is a broke fool gon' try and smash
They don't understand nothing but stashing cash

Money on my mind like bread on a sandwich

I run the city, they're the lights, I'm the switch

I stand for what's mine, never see me slip and fall

I'm runnin' the race, you're a baby with a slow crawl

My cash stay on point, like a sharpened pencil

Try 'n' copy my style, you gon' need mo' than a stencil

I don't be's in the trap, buy my workers put-in overtime

Feds can't catch me, never see me committin' crime

That's why from time to time I shoot 'em a raise

And tell 'em to stash cash for those rainy days

If money talk, then there's nothing to say

If B.S walk, none of ya' fools can stay

My money talkin' for me, betta' yet, it's in a conversation

Ya' look like money; make money, nice observation

They say the love of money's the root of all evil

So how much money will it take to really love people

Details | Lyric | |

Those Younger Days

I used to be quite a character Back in those days when I was young When hanging out with all my friends We used to have so much fun Staying up all night Until we would suddenly see the sun Oh man I really miss those younger days Maybe gathering at someones house Whos parents would then be gone Turn the music up loud so when we got buzzed We would all start to sing along Some would take a toke or two And it would sometimes do them wrong But man I really miss those younger days When the party was over,you found a driver That's straight enough to drive you home You always make sure that you had one So you wouldn't be left there all alone Back in those good old days Nobody even cared about useing phones Oh man I really miss those younger days The next day you would take an aspirin Because that's what you did,to get through Not one of those pills or funky drugs That you so easily now get hooked on to Back in those older days That was all there was left to really do I sure do really miss those younger days

Details | Light Poetry | |

I Had To Write This Poem

I had to write this poem 
because I thought of this one great line,
What do you think -
will it stand the test of time?

Well, I had to write it down
to deter other poets stealing this idea;
You know lines are clutched from the atmosphere,
Or they fall like apples, spill over like beer.

I had to write this poem,
Because I thought of this one great line;
Like a beat messiah,
My acid milk turns to wine.

And now I feel fine, and your pleasure
in my one sparkling line.
I had to write this poem,
Hidden in this gem of a line.

Details | Lyric | |

He Likes Ugly Girls

Baby, I see you starin' at him,
But you ought to give me whirl;
'Cause he's a handsome hunk,
But when he gets drunk...
Baby, he likes ugly girls.

Yeah, he still lives with his Momma
Even tho' he's 33.
She starches and irons his jeans and shirts,
And he brings home new recipes.

She's told him he's good lookin',
And there's no doubt it's true;
But when he takes home a pretty woman,
Momma says, "Son, she won't be true."

She says, "Son, if you want good lovin',
A plain and homely gal will provide.
She'll treat you right, mornin' and night;
And keep you satisfied."

So baby, you can stare at him, 
But you ought to give me a whirl;
'Cause he's a handsome hunk, 
But when he gets drunk....
Baby, he likes ugly girls.

You don't stand a chance.
That boy loves his Momma.

Yeah, he goes for ugly girls.

Details | Free verse | |

Grandma Was Dancing

She was a tappin' to the tunes...
of those Mississippi blues...
step-pin' out, in her white...
Pat-en-leather shoes,

We were a watchin' her a prancin',
all through the kitchen, dancin'...
for she was & sizzlin'...
hummin' to those Mississippi tunes...

Funny curlers too, upon...
her head...for a new... Hair dew,...
she was, a swirlin'-in that bakers apron,
when her a bobbin' to...
those Mississip-pi blues,

'Pots were a knockin'...
Grandma a sockin' down all she brews,
while that kettle there was whistlin',
in har-mo-ny, with them good ole...
good ole...mississip-pi moves,'

That floor there, was a bouncin'
holdin' hands we were a jumpin',
an-a hoppin' In the kitchen, to those...
                  sounds ...
Where Grandma's feet were a stompin',
In her new...New-white-sexy-pat-en-
(ya hoo)

Details | Lyric | |

The Twelve Spammers' Christmas

On the first day of Christmas, net spammers sent to me . . . 
    . . . a cut-rate Canadian Pharmacy
On the second day of Christmas, net spammers sent to me . . . 
    . . . two insurance quotes
On the third day of Christmas, net spammers sent to me . . . 
    . . . three free credit scores
On the fourth day of Christmas, net spammers sent to me . . . 
    . . . four grow your *****
On the fifth day of Christmas, net spammers sent to me . . . 
    . . . five thousand dollars guaranteed!
On the sixth day of Christmas, net spammers sent to me . . . 
    . . . six extended warranties
On the seventh day of Christmas, net spammers sent to me . . . 
    . . . seven stock alerts
On the eighth day of Christmas, net spammers sent to me . . . 
    . . . eight work from homes
On the ninth day of Christmas, net spammers sent to me . . . 
    . . . nine Nigerian emails
On the tenth day of Christmas, net spammers sent to me . . . 
    . . . ten get out of debts
On the eleventh day of Christmas, net spammers sent to me . . . 
    . . . eleven singles meet ups
On the twelfth day of Christmas, net spammers sent to me . . . 
    . . . twelve hot Asian brides

Details | Rhyme | |


Let the stream of cash in, flood-gate
Like the Casino, I'll keep chips in your plate
Big-ballin', throw it in the pot, high stakes
Don't sleep, keep watch for fakes and snakes
So much dead pres' to burn, it's a crime
Surprised I ain't in the Feds, doing hard time

Forget 'bout Simon, do what the money says

I dish-out money, like candy from a Pez

Dispenser, destined to do this since I was born

I make it rain, you can't weather this storm

All these accounts, my name should be Fill-More-Banks

I keep the cash secure, it wouldn't be safer in tanks

Fast money, accountant, lost track of how much I earn

The money's wind to my sail, it controls where I turn

I'm eating right now, stack the money like pancakes

You know I love beef, put everything up for stakes

Eating up these problems, got me puttin' on some pounds

BS walk, money talk, you tell me how that sounds?

Hold-up, freeze, don't nothing move but the money

You can't afford to pay attention--it's free, dummy!

Class is in, cash the topic, you failed, watch and learn

Set the city on fire, cremated, get it a urn

Details | Rhyme | |


Where I'm from we don't do debts, fronts, or take tabs
They don't understand nothing but stashing cash
Put that money on the head, you don't need a mask
They don't understand nothing but stashing cash
How is a broke fool gon' try and smash
They don't understand nothing but stashing cash

My Green could fill-up a Bay, need a few Packers

Haters look, fold and crumble like Ritz-crackers

Money comes and goes, but you know mine stays

Like a well-trained dog, sometimes it even lays

Money brings power, respect, gotta' have the jewels

Call me a handy-man, I stay with my tools

I know it sounds messed-up, but it's money-over-everything

My weight's been up, you just started like a flower in spring

My money keeps flippin', like some Burgers on a grill

Money on me heavy, like a work-out, makes me sweat fo'real

Active, got a million hustles, I'm motivated and dedicated

Call me and money happily married, we can't be separated

Not talking movies, but I bet you ain't seen this in a while

My money's long, go 'head, call it the green mile

Long as I'm stashing cash, I'll always come out on top

Like a junkie smokin' dope, me making money won't stop

Details | Lyric | |

A Pub-ng We Go

Hey, Ho! A pub’ng we go… And I’ll bring along, those Zany Trolls.
What’s better, than to drink, with friends, my Dear… as merrily, off we go!

We’ll leave the frats, in the dust, and bring The Bun, merrily, along.
He had a great run, at Easter time, now he can let, the good times roll.
Who knows best, than a nest of Trolls, how to have, a really great time!
A Biker Bar should fill our sails, as we go, courting the best… of it all.

Hey, Ho! A pub’ng we go… And I’ll bring along, those Zany Trolls.
What’s better, than to drink, with friends, my Dear…as merrily, off we go!

The beers great, the girls’ first rate, I’ll ride a full-blown Harley Hog.
To ride them down, across the town, my hair, flowing behind, in the air.
But first we’ll make a new drinking song, betting on, who’s best, by far.
Biker Dudes, Trolls enthused, raise their mugs in unity, again, once more!

Hey, Ho! A pub’ng we go… And I’ll bring along, those Zany Trolls.
What’s better, than to drink, with friends, my Dear… as merrily, off we go!

It’s all fun, as with pool cues in hand, we try to, learn to play Eight Ball.
We’ll dance on the floor, and some on the bar, as rowdier we become.
But we’re the best, with glass in fist, as we sing our new… drinking song.
So don’t be glum! Here, come along, to laughter amid, such joyful fun.
Hey, Ho! A pub’ng we go… And I’ll bring along, those Zany Trolls.
What’s better, than to drink, with friends, my Dear… as merrily, off we go!

We’ll have fun, then move along, as our song wins, and the tab is yours.
You can join, as comes, the next bar, and we’ll, start all over, once more!
It’s party time, until dawn, for Trolls can hold, great quantities of rum.
As drinking games come, we win every time, as the losers pay the bill.

Hey, Ho! A pub’ng we go… And I’ll bring along, those, Zany Trolls.
What’s better, than to drink, with friends, my Dear…as merrily, off we go!

(A drinking song for the pure fun it: sung like a pirate song clinking mugs.)

Details | Haiku | |

Haikus About God: V

Omniscient guy
Yet he lets bad things happen
How can he exist?

Details | Lyric | |


Running, running everywhere 
Fast or slow, do I care?
uphill, downhill, roads and grass
I just never want to crash

The freedom I feel when I run
Feels good to say it’s really fun
Checking my time, checking my pace
Helps me prepare for my next race

Racing you say how can I be
Racing at age sixty-three
My knees don’t hurt they feel good
Keeping active I know I should

5K, 8 mile and now a half
What am I doing? Am I daf?
I’m going to enjoy all that I can
I’ll always be my number 1 fan!
By barbara poor…..

Details | Haiku | |

Haikus About God: III

Beauty of nature
Why condense it down to God?
Isn’t life enough?

Details | Ballad | |

Pan and Satan

Pan and Satan.

One morning I was walking in my garden
When old Jupiter came up close to me.
And standing by his side stood fair Demeter
Who smiled at me so warm and tenderly.
She said “my son we’ve come to give our blessings
And we’ve a story we would like to tell.
Of how the great God Pan turned into Satan
And child I hope that you will listen well.

For Pan he was the god of natures beauty
And he wore no taint till Satan came along.
He’d play his pipes so gaily in the meadows
Though sometimes there was mischief in his song.

Then Satan said to pan “well I don’t give a damn
I’m going to steal your horns and make you me.
Then I’ll build a master plan and strike some fear in man
So always he will live in misery.
And that’s the way old Pan became young Satan
Yet still the old one dances deep within.
But if the two had never joined together
Then where would dwell the ugliness of sin.


Details | Rhyme | |


Hood fellow, pull her hair like I do the trigger
Plenty of cash, don't care if she's a gold-digger
She broke-up with her ex and got me, lost and found
Get in bed, take out my pistol, let off a round
Shoot her up, shoot her up, bang, bang
Blowing on my mic', the best song she ever sang

The chick's riding me, she started to pant

She dropped down low, started giving brain, transplant

She's eating that wood, like she's a termite

Got something to quench her thirst, but it's not sprite

I think I might go down-town, to get some dessert

She's like a water gun when she climax, squirt

Always takes showers, but she's oh so dirty

Started at three, it's going on four-thirty

Make sure I meet her needs, you're a minute man

She say I got flavor, but you're kinda' bland

I'm speeding, you get home at six, it's rush-hour

Gotta' clean up for you, hit it in the shower

She's so wet, it's like swimming in the ocean

Hop out the shower, dry off, wipe her down with lotion

Starts to get upset, said she wanted me to stay

Ain't in Florida, but she might go M.I.A

Details | Lyric | |

Drunk Chicken


Sad strange little man,
You should, no wait you have to ditch the bar
That's on your to do list 7 days of the week
Cuz you start to think you're unique using you're technique
But really you're just a freak
Sad strange little man,
You know it's only getting worse
You start to curse then you're stealing
Purses from nurses (wait stop that's the cops!)

You sicken me you drunk chicken you!
You make me wonder, how you're still stuck with her
If you're afraid of the night
I'm surprised your pocket's still alright
If you can survive on booze
Then surely you can choose,
To lose the loco in your noggin

Sad strange little man,
You should really get a better hobby
When did you start calling Robbie, Zimbabwe?
Cuz you start to think it's alright to start a bar fight
But really you're not that bright
Sad strange little man,
You know it's only getting worse
You start to curse then you're stealing
Purses from nurses (wait hold on that's john!)

You sicken me you drunk chicken you!
You make me wonder, how you're still stuck with her
If you're afraid of the night
I'm surprised your pocket's still alright
If you can survive on booze
Then surely you can choose,
To lose the loco in your noggin

Cause last night you didn't come home!
And we were all worried sick that you were dead
Or worse down at the tavern again
It's like we have to have iron bars just to keep you in
Is this a prison cell? Do we have to have our eye on you all the time?
Oh it's brave how you look to the bright side
You're not afraid of dying,
Just scared to death that there won't be a bar in the afterlife
So get out, get out
Cause these colors are blurry
No you never worried
Your mind is an open door
We don't know how you are anymore
You're a drunken chicken and it's too late


This is absolutely appalling to me on so many levels. Looking back at it now it's sorta funny, but wow! Where in the world was my brain at when I wrote this!?

Details | Rhyme | |

I Softly Went A Huntin'

I softly went a huntin’
To find some softly sheep,
I cannot count without them
To lull me back to sleep.

‘Where art thou little fluffy?’
I called its nicky name,
And taken by the surplus
A hundred bleaters came.

I’ll never count them all in time,
I worried like my pal,
I only wants a little kip
Not like my Auntie Val.

She likes to sleep for England
And all the English men.
Sometimes she sleeps with 40
And sometimes only 10.

Details | Rhyme | |


I spit game proper, like a pro-batter, I got the right stroke
I work deals, like it's Black-Friday, I'm far from broke
I can't help but make the girl proud and gay
Want some of my time, like takes, you too gotta' pay

She don't act up, but she's so bad, discipline

Put her in time-out, punishment, a great beatin'

When I'm hittin' her good, she calls me daddy

I'm her trophy, showcase me, friends wish they had me

Too easy, always give it up, her man call it robbery

Termite, loves wood, told me have my log handy

Do what I order, like a puppet, no-strings-attached

Not a crook, but like a purse, your chick got snatched

Not intimate, gold-digger, money makes her cum

It's me, her, and a bag of money, three-sum

You got flushed-down-the-drain, but I'm the crap, feces

You're gone, don't make 'em like me, endangered species

Got fire-wood, leave the 'coochie' smoking like a Newport

Done with you, on to the next, long stick, but life's short

Get attached, space myself, I come around less

Bad sex, back-stabbing, bull, I ain't with the B.S

Details | Lyric | |

If History Was Food Part 2

If history was food part 2

Details | Light Poetry | |

In-Love Doggerel

You're a starship powered on Xanadu nectar;
I'm a pogo stick on coal.
You're a majestic arc of the milky way;
I'm a quark in an unsold cheese roll.
Your eyes launch songbirds and sonnets;
Come fly with me on my crackling comet.

Your hair evokes the erotic scents of perfumed night bazaars;
I exude burning tyres on torched, smashed deisel cars.
Beside you a pulsar is like a sorry matchstick spark;
As I stand in a room of moths,
I'm the dark.

You're the clearest proof if there is a God,
Their image is of your resplendent own;
I'm often asked to be the face promoting payday loans.
As you glide past men how their minds dissolve,
Their eyes kerbcrawl out their face;
I'm all Genghis Khan cologne liberally splashed over exploding beer crates.

Even when you sneeze,
You make this man go weak at the knees.
And if you had dandruff, as you brushed your hair,
Surely it would sparkle like snow through Swiss mountain air?
And that sliver of marmalade left on your cheek,
Reminds me of liquid gold encased in an amber hive of magic bees.
And when you carry rubbish to your bin,
I follow you just so I might fall right in.
Then, as you're unblocking the drain, really rocking those wellies,
I, like a smitten garden gnome, 
And turn to jelly..

Verily, Grace Kelly, may I be your Shelley,
Though you gaze rapturously at a shopping channel on the telly?

Details | Lyric | |

Old Time Hip Hop

*********this is all in fun, no offense to anyone*******  :)

Checks this out, 
My license-suspended,
That Mercedes,
Last night, I rear-ended.
Cops be taken,
That handicap sticker,
Nursing home
Listening to hens bicker.

I'm losing my mind-it's a real disease,
Fetch me my hearing aid, woulda ya please.
Turn on some Jeopardy and hear me,
Yell the wrong answers to my big screen tv.
I'm chillin' on the sofa watching my diet,
Yelling at the neighbors to keep kids quiet.
Counting my pills, each day is a sixteen,
Nurses come every hour and I sleep in between.

I'm spitting words
Into a cup of styrofoam,
Have no hair left,
But I still use a comb.
I jiggle when I wiggle,
With a can when I walk,
Hand me my dentures,
Now I can talk.

I'm forgetting birthdays I must be eighty,
Its been about twenty years since I had a datey,
These nurses be playing with my floppy skin,
I feel like a fool even when I win.
I'm sure there something better than this,
Won't you give a dirty old man a sympathy kiss,
Getting old, well kiddos that ain't so much fun,
But I'm cranky and old, and won't give up til I'm done.


Details | Lyric | |

I whispered lightly as a rose

I whispered lightly as a rose
To grease my oily bagpipe,
And sniffing with her hairy nose
A dwarf flew into sight.

‘Pull down your flabby chopsticks, man.’
She ordered like a waiter,
And lowering my name to Stan
Got on all fours to cater.

‘I am Dame Doris Chucklebum.’
She laughed but half an inch.
‘I like things that are rarely done.’
Then stroked me with a pinch.

‘Take back thy sweaty chollocks, love.’
I pleaded like a pro,
And with a hefty boxing glove
Took on the lady so.

It lasted less than half a tick,
Less if you counted slow.
And with a little knowing trick
Fled fleeing on the go.

‘Come back! Don’t go!’ she wept with ploy,
‘I’ll change like Whitney Whopper.’
Enjoying but a little joy
And playing with her chopper.

Details | Rhyme | |


Streets made me, that's why I bleed cement
Your hour has come, your time is spent
My strap spoils fools, expiration date
Class was in, you din't participate

Raised your hand, it's good to ask questions

Pay attention, don't cost much, even in recessions

Beginning of the end, this is a take-over

If you're sluggish, better move over

Came from the bottom, now I'm elavatin'

Fully focused, like I'm testin'

Keep my eyes on the prize, ignore distractions

Reflexes like a cat, no late reactions

Ain't playin' in movies, but I'm quick to act

I'm an over-achiever, I never lacked

Like an all-in pot, I gave it everything

Married to the game, I got it a ring

Devoted to money, never catch me cheatin'

To me, getting paid is better than skeetin'

Hustling is like Viagra for making cash

At times it gets hard, and it makes it last

Details | Lyric | |

Android Paranoid

This phone is not a smart phone. 
It's one of those old-fashioned phones: 
It can only text message, 
Video message, 
Download music and films, 
And play games, 
And surf and email, 
Make global conference calls, 
And other pretty basic things.. 

And it's blue tooth enabled, 
And wifi capable, 
And can remote control your tv, 
But this phone is not a smart phone, 
I must throw it away immediately! 

Details | Rhyme | |


No holds barred, utter defeat is what I see in those cards
No holds barred, utter defeat is what I see in those cards

Read these cowards faces like pages of a book

Haters wanna steal my fame, they're something like a crook

They must think I'm a tree, lumber-jackin', trying to see me fall

Can't stop my hustle, pockets on full, theirs looking small

I stay on my feet, similar to a pair of shoes

I'm the Road-runner, they're Wiles-E-Coyote--doing nothing but lose

See me, I'm ballin', even if I was injured I wouldn't quit

When I Rap, I'm a cobra, straight-venom I spit

I see no competition, in this game I'm a predator

Fools get out of place, get erased, call me an editor

I'm the talk of the town, females gossipin', haters hatin'

Hottest in the streets, this ain't an election, no debatin'

I took a couple losses, came across and fought a couple bosses

It's a dirty game, like a mouth you never brushes or flosses

Stay on point, I'm sharper than barb-wire

I'm the king 'round here, so you can call me Sire

Details | Lyric | |

Bob, the Forgotten Valentine and Greedy Double Dater

My friends, this saga slowly unfurls
 a love story that went quickly awry,
 seems greedy Bob dated a pair of girls
 when with one, to the other he’d lie.
The homlier girl’s name was Edith
 who, nonetheless Bob was fond of,
 but, greedy Bob wanted to live out the “myth”
 and with sisters, he was sure to find love !
He began slyly asking about sister Kate
 for her beauty was equalled by few,
 she was young, and he believed her well worth the wait
 she had enough sex appeal for two !
Bob’s antics had him severely troubled
 because, he covered his tracks day and night,
 his love-making prowess had quickly doubled
 so his lovelife was going just right !
Well, finally Bob’s saga ended in terror
 because the girls both found out what he’d done,
 Bob had mixed their names up, in a passionate error
 and what transpired next, was not very fun !
One of the sisters had taken Bob’s life
 because he’d proven he couldn’t be “true”,
 and the lesson he learned, at the end of that knife
 taught, “you can’t have your Kate…..and Edith, too !

Details | Rhyme | |


No holds barred, utter defeat is what I see in those cards
No holds barred, utter defeat is what I see in those cards

It's a dirty world, but my heat's considered hand sanitizer

Made my dreams become reality, I'm not a big 'fanisizer'

My trap got cheese, but I'm trying to keep away rats

Life's a gamble, take a chance, like playing craps

Time to take you to school, and money's the topic

Smokin' on Jamaica helps me focus, I keep something tropic

Cash rules everything 'round me and it's in my pocket

That means I'm in control, if this was a plane, I'm in the cockpit

I'm a hustler, got more bricks than a construction site

I stay fresh, I'm flyer than a first-class flight

By any means necessary, hard times call for drastic measures

Get in my way, and get buried like pirate's treasures

Never see me fold, it's like I got the winning hand in Poker

I'm more dangerous than cancer in the lungs of a smoker

Talk crazy, catch a hook, how's that for a punchline

Show me the competition, I call that lunch-time

Details | Lyric | |

My Frencholosophy Song

The mud slide back in eighty six
Took out half my farm
And the war that lit up 69 
Is where I Left one arm

My wife and kids have left me
To part's unknown, somewhere
So I sit here all alone
While losing all my hair

Now you can see, what my attitude should be
But instead of mulling around 
I get picked up, when I'm down
As I quote that little phase, that tickles me
"C'est La vie" 

My truck was repo-ed yesterday
My dog and cat ran off
My old friends all moved away
And often I feel lost

Now you'll agree, just how happy could I be
When my world has gone to hell
I just get up, where I fell
And whisper those sweet words in ecstasy 
"C'est La Vie"

Details | Lyric | |

No dogs allowed

All ye, all ye, all come free,  
hello everybody come party with me! 
We're going to rock this party to the morning light. 
We're gonna rock this party all day and all night!! Ooh! The fat 
cat's singing on the center stage and the cats are pouncing in a furry rage. 
So come on everybody let's join this crowd. Whoa! holdup the sign outside says
Outside says "No dogs allowed!" Bump, bump, bump, bump, badee, bump!.

Details | Lyric | |

Oh Man I'm Going Hunting

I got my camo, got my ammo, gun, hunting boots an beer, gonna scare me a few critters as I hunt me down some deer. As long as the music's loud they'll be running in full fear, boys now watch your sites and we'll have happy hunting here. Oh Man I'm Going Hunting, God I Love It Out There I Do! Oh Man I'm Going Hunting, now what do I got to loose? My knife is razor sharp so I can gut them right on through, and my phone is charged up for the pictures to prove it's true. But that tin foil service out here cuts my bars right down da two. Got all my hunting buddies with me so what do I got to prove? Oh Man I'm Going Hunting, God I Love It Out There I Do! Oh Man I'm Going Hunting, now what do I got to loose? Well the trucks packed up an I got me a big ole buck, three years down the line finely came across some luck. As long as this big ole' Chevy doesn't get me near to stuck, couple months down the line an I'll be shooting at some ducks. Oh Man I'm Going Hunting, God I Love It Out There I Do! Oh Man I'm Going Hunting, now what do I got to loose?
Contest: Lyrics- By Anne Currin Dan Kearley:7-10-13 ©

Details | Carpe Diem | |


Your  love pricks me like a rose each thorn grows but no one knows Your so full of 
it as it shows so carry on now go on, go. I'm fed up with the phony and  i'm 
through with the tears, you couldn't pay me all your money to make up for those 
years. Someone help me I feel faint how could I think he was such a saint and 
worst of all I let me fall into a spiral down below. A magic called love carried 
by the dove of someone I use to know.

Details | Lyric | |

Please Help Me, Re-lyric

Please help me, I've fallen
In Lust with You.
You're just so damn sexy,
That's why I'm hittin' on you.
You don't have to love me,
Some good sex will do.
Please help me, I've fallen
In Lust with You.

Yes, you turned me on
When I saw you walk in...
The face of an Angel,
A body just made for Sin.
Now, I may be real horny,
But one thing is true:
What would satisfy me, Girl
Would be to satisfy You.

So please help me, I've fallen
In Lust with You; 
And I hope that you're fallin'
In Lust with me too;
But if not, then please fake it,
Please don't leave me "blue"...
Please help me, I've fallen
In  Lust  with  You.

Details | Lyric | |

More For Me

I sold the oven and bought a microwave
I can't even make a pot roast
(You took the cookbook with you)

It's like my torture chamber for refrigerated food
Zapping all the nutrition like a superpower
I make that nerdy reference cause you're not around
The audience in my head is the only sound

So you can keep your Ronald McDonald hair due
I'll keep my pride and my wallet
You can keep your "garden trimmings" I pretend to like
And I'll live off Hot Pockets

When you leave through that door
Don't forget the makeup that makes you pretty
I'm making popcorn for a grand total of one
Cause there's more for me

I'm kicking my feet up on the table,
Do you like the rings?
(I fed your handmade coasters to the dog)

I'm taking it easy like a log on a lake
Letting the leaves pile up cause I don't have to rake
Through out the whole day I'm flipping through the channels
Shirtless... I don't have to wear this ugly flannel

Baby, you can just walk on by
I'll even wave you a goodbye
(Can't mouth the words with Bud Light don't my throat)
I'm redecorating the house
Burnt the traps and claimed a pet mouse
(Made a bed for him from my "favorite" coat)

And without you around
I can be more frivolous with my money
I'm ordering take out with a side of fried rice
Cause there's more for me

Details | Rhyme | |


Hood fellow, pull her hair like I do the trigger
Plenty of cash, don't care if she's a gold-digger
She broke-up with her ex and got me, lost and found
Get in bed, take out my pistol, let off a round
Shoot her up, shoot her up, bang, bang
Blowing on my mic', the best song she ever sang

Got flavor, cold with all this ice, like a 'Slurpee'

Got something for your chick to drink, she slurps me

Definitely ain't praying, but she gets on her knees

Her head game is fire, nine-hundred-degrees

It's like she's educating me, gives me good brain

While she's down there, I pull her hair, like a horse's mane

She's a vampire, sucking on the neck of my second head

Not the one on my shoulders, but the one used in bed

She told me to eat her out, went down and bit it

She can't stand violence, but loves the way I hit it

Beat the 'Coochie' up, bedroom turned into a boxing arena

Call it domestic violence, no court, no subpoena

Riding me, I'm thinking 'bout gettin' her a saddle

We rocking the boat right now, ain't got a paddle

Making a movie, this the best part, 'bout to climax

She loves when I come over, got everything her man lacks

Details | Lyric | |

Hard to Forget

Hard to Forget
Earie the  mournin I had the cock screw
At the aftunun, I washed the sunnin gay
Im just wanderin ova evrytin
Evry momen we shed in our useful days

Hoe kan I stop to lovin ye (no...w)
Hoe kan I cease to make ye hapi
 Hoe kan I resixt ye in ma laive (that's why)
I'll holeways loaf ye delhi

Steel remembrin when we melt
Steel remembrin tins we shed 2 gender
Hoe suit those day we spent worse
Hoe wail down memo lane to bring on the murder...


I kan't just forgate evrytin...
I steel rememba well we melt
I steel rememba the time we shed
I steel rememba... evrytin evrytin


So is tru the world is mall
I kan't beliv I fall in lob
Yeah I fall in  and fet no same
Is there any crown in being in lob?

Very hard, very very hard
Hard to forget
Very hard, very very hard
Hard to forget
For I'm in love ooooo
This is hard to forgo. 

For: Roy Jerden's Malapropisms and Mondegreens Contest

Details | Rhyme | |


I spit game proper, like a pro-batter, I got the right stroke
I work deals, like it's Black-Friday, I'm far from broke
I can't help but make the girl proud and gay
Want some of my time, like takes, you too gotta' pay

Like a hole, she do nothing but dig me

I'm like Kurmit the frog, she's miss Piggy

She can't leave me alone, like a mother to an infant

Like soft soil, I step in her life, leave an imprint

I handle her with care, like a fragile antique plate

When she express her feelings, I pretend I can relate

Never catch me cheatin', I'm a true player

I run her, if she's a city, I'm the mayor

Your chick left with me, not coming back--runaway

You ain't do her right, I took her in like a stray

Chicks throwin' me that pussy-cat, do I look like a vet?

They call me Super-soaker, the way I get 'em wet

My damsels come in pairs, like a set of earings

I don't put up with their problems,

I ain't a Judge handling hearings

Want your chick back, take her, can't get a receipt

Funny, how I got you off rhythm, moving to my beat

Details | Lyric | |

12 days of kiss-mas

On the 12th day of kiss-mass my true love sent to me
12 dirty undies
11 socks a stinking
10 shoes a humming
9 shirts for pressing
8 trousers 
7 days of take-out boxes
6 flagons of beer
5 D V D's
4 mischievous children
3 dozen wine bottles
2 ex partners
and an engagement ring under the tree

Details | Rhyme | |

Quit My Job, Smashed My Car

Quit my job, smashed my car
My back does throb, need to learn guitar

So I can make, a silly song
And I can sing, it all day long
About how, my God is strong
So that even now, nothing’s wrong

Even though, I quit my job
smashed my car, my back does throb

Life is hard, but I’ve got God
So I won’t let any thought
Any worry or fear
Convince me you’re not near

Even when, I quit my job,
Smashed my car, my back does throb
Life is hard, but I won’t sob
I need to learn guitar

Details | Lyric | |

Tom's Three Day Forecast

Wednesday's rain was in a shrouded sheet,
With puddles moving toward the ditches;
But Thursday's forecast brought no repeat,
Oklahoma weather leaves me in stitches.

Thursday starts cloudy but turns to sunny,
With northwest winds and gusts to thirty;
Weather changes make eyes and nose runny,
Like to vacation in the Isle of Cape Verdi.

Today's wind is northerly and bitter cold,
Bringing a chance of snow, though slight;
Even yesterday's seventy was foretold,
But morning's twenty-eight is no delight.

Twixt me and Kansas, not much but fences,
To have slowing effect on this north wind;
I'll say I'm thrilled under false pretenses,
It has its bite when your blood is thinned.

Friday brings with it another high at fifty,
With northwest wind blowing around ten;
Turning south/southeast becoming shifty,
Saturday its back to the northwest again.

For Sunday's weather I have no clue,
May be hot and raining or sleet and snow;
It's too deep for my mind to construe,
Oklahoma weather, one can never know.

If I long for days both calm and sunny,
And today's cold weather seems strange;
I just remember life is so unlike honey,
And wait a short while for it to change.

Details | Lyric | |

The Texas Poet Two Step

Lyrics to:
The Texas Poet Two Step

There won't be no Sun out on the Brazos 
There won't be no rain in Abilene 
I won't write a poem for Tom's contest
And Margaret Reid won't get a check from me

I'm tired of my poems lining trash cans
And see'in my money go to waste
And when that winners 'Click', has their party
It's like throw'in a can of 'Loser' in my face


Yes, I thought about the contest
I thought that I could win
But then, reality started sett'in in
I know I'd write with passion
Eloquence and grace
But in the end , I won't even place

So, I know what I'll do with all that money
I'll hold it in My hand and keep it near
And the day they claim to have their Contest Drawing
I'm buying sixteen dollars worth of beer.

Yes, I thought about the contest
I thought that I could win
But then, reality started sett'in in
I know I'd write with passion
Eloquence and grace
But in the end , I won't even place

Details | Haiku | |

All About the Music: The Infinite Magic of Lyricism

Pop may be catchy
But not lyrically deep
Case in point: Chris Brown.

(N.B. Poem written after hearing "Don't Wake Me Up")

Details | Light Poetry | |

The Self-Hate Miracle Plan

Let's lose weight,
Let's discover the
yin and yang of
protein and complex
It's never too late
to let your
corporeal fat eat
So let's lose
And, then?
Then, let's look
inside your
cavernous space,
And discover your
previously hidden, 
And uniquely
And unparagoned, 
Blissful Essence.

Let's go!

Let's lose weight.
Because it's the
only way - to lose
Let's deflate your
billowing concertina
Let's drain away
those flabby
bingo-arm thighs;
Sight the edacity: I
snack, I die.
Chant: For I am
Spirit, pure and
eternal..For I am
Spirit, pure and
Let's lose weight.

Pain-feast your
Really utilise your
hidden pneuma
Oh, and,
The flashing lights,
the tingling arms?
Mouth striking
shapes to burglar
Perhaps, a smidgen
of self harm?
Tremors, blushing,
perspiring, shaking,
That's okay:
If it ain't
It's a positive
thing to focus there
your self-hate.

It's not easy to
lose weight -
Especially when you
refuse to lose
No, we mustn't allow
your feckless
mentalism to
Appreciate yourself
Scale away your
inducing corpus,
And irrigate.

Stare yourself down,
reflecting off your
Speed-read all my
Glean the
enlightened screed
of my shapely New
Age dream;
Allow me to melt
away your pizza
Gracefully fade you
to your sculpted

Unsuicide bomb those
spare tyres with
Vacuum-pack your
stomach with tender
wires - see above.
Let's lose weight.
And strike your
utter repose!

And you'll soon
delightedly discover
your swooning lover,
And how the sweet
mirror shall melt of

Be like a sliver of
crystal glass;
As svelte as the
skin of flowing
Skim through the air
like a flying
Writhe your
Deposing ounces, you
shall footfall
Let's lose weight.

You can do it!
..For I am Spirit,
pure and eternal..
Let's go!

for more humorous
verse: sukispangles

Details | Lyric | |

Fishmongers ball

Fishmongers Ball.

Two cats went out to jump and shout
At the old fishmongers ball
But wouldn’t you know
They had no doe
So they gave old Ned a call.

Old Ned the dog he looked at them
With a great big happy smile
He said to them
‘I'll take you then
Gonna spend the night in style"

Old Ned was kind
So they all dined
On fish and meat so fine
The whole night long was filled with song
They had a grand old time.

Everyone danced with minds enhanced
They danced the whole night through
And in the end
The cats and friends
They said "hey what a do!".

Then when the night
Had turned to light
Old Ned he said to them
I’m off to bet
To rest my head
I’ll see you guys again.


Details | Light Poetry | |

Welcome To The Garden Gnome Shopping Channel

Welcome to The Garden Gnome Shopping Channel,
If this is your first time here -
Where have you been?

We mass produce uniquely,
Our gnome-lines are refreshed twice-weekly,
Each gnome has it's own i.d number,
So rest assured,
One can never be mistaken for another.

Mould-engineered by plastic injection craftsmen,
Then hand-finished by aerosol paint artisans,
Your garden gnome is guaranteed authentic -
Their bobble-hatted face won't drip,
And their shatter-proof head will nod happily on windy days.

We are the only licensed garden gnome sellers in the UK.
So what are you waiting for?

Rome wasn't built in a day,
But our gnomes are,
Meaning your gnome could be with you within thirty-six hours,
Or - if you require it urgently - within twenty-four,
And it will cost you only four pounds more,
Couriered directly from our air-conditioned warehouse in Bangalore.

Details | Rhyme | |


Movie in the making, viewer discretion
Keep your mouth shut, forget witness protection
Better keep it discreet, avoid detection
Complete the play, can't afford a deflection
This the real deal, it ain't a gimmick
Watch and learn, just don't mimic

Statue-of-liberty, we're holding the torch

Running the race, but ain't competin' in sports

We're like bubbles in champagne, heading to the top

Come at me sideways, like a fish when it flop

Get popped, Glock's off safety, it's cocked

Or like an old rocking chair, get rocked

Leave you like I left your girl's 'coochie', beat-up

Don't want problems, you better speak-up

I'm a heavy-weight, you're lighter than a leaf

Eat you like a T-bone steak, I love beef

Money equals problem, problems come with money

I play the cards I was dealt, I'm good at Rummy

I'm not a treadmill, so don't try 'n' run me

Got money for rainy-days, even for when it's sunny

Like the Super-Dome, I'm on top of the game

I'm in it for the cash, ya'll can keep the fame

Details | Rhyme | |


Making this cash, I hope that it last
Make sure my dreams don't shatter like glass
Living in the streets, got me moving fast
I can't let this opportunity in my grip pass
Gotta' get this cash, gotta' get this cash

I found the money tree, went and got my rake

Now it's like everyday's my birthday, I stay with cake

Get money, everything else will fall in place

It'll hold you down, without it, zero gravity, outer-space

Money's like the sun, my world revolves around it

Got a pool full of cash, jump-in and drown in it

I'm chasing this cash, like a cat do mice

Gotta' get this bread, I'm talking more than a slice

I need a whole loaf, I'm trying to eat a meal

Fry you like bacon, pig, if you ever squeal

See me gettin' bread, wanna snitch, 'cause you're a hater

I'm done eatin', tip you, like you're a waiter

Break you off, just to keep you off my trail

Didn't even start my journey yet, 'bout to set sail

Money galore where I've been, but more where I'm going

Like blood in veins, till the day I die, the cash keeps flowing

Details | Rhyme | |


Cash makes the world go round, spin
Don't I look like money, that's my twin
Gettin' money, like it's going out of style
I keep throwing it up, like it's bile
Got cash all over me, like it's a rash
You better chase that paper, stack that cash

Start it up like the kick-off, I'm the punter

I'm looking for the bucks, like a dear hunter

Lunatic with the paper, money-crazy

I sit back and count it, they call me lazy

Countin' all this money gave me paper cuts

Pockets' on full, fatter than donkey butts

I got eight figures, like I was ice skatin'

That's figure eight's, you know what I'm relatin'

I got bands, not the ones on your wrist

Yellow canary jewels, same color as piss

No manners, go to the bathroom when you pissed

Mad at me 'cause me and your girlfriend kissed?

She's curious, wanna know how money taste

Your chick's gone, like the T.V. show, 'Without-A-Trace'

Just like the problems, money comes with females

I'm bringing in all this paper from street sales

Details | Lyric | |

monster at Heart

I am just a Zombie

And I feel a little balmy

Until I get some coffee in me

Then I dress a little slummy

Kind-a like an ancient Mummy

As I sit and watch, morning TV

I'm just a monster at heart

When I scratch my scapula

I make a perfect Dracula

My arm, hiding half of my face

I look into the mirror and

I see a hairy man

Then shave until the Werewolf's erased 

I'm just a Monster at heart

I'll never be on time

Walking like I'm Frankenstein

But I hate this stupid job anyway

So, I will be less physical

And make myself in visible

Then quit this job and just slip away

I'm just a monster at heart

Details | Lyric | |


The ghosts and goblins are out tonight
If you don’t watch out you might get a fright!
Super heroes are dressed with a cape
Some costumes might have reflection tape.

You might see Indians with paint on their face
Or maybe a bride all dressed in lace
A jack-o-lantern all big and round
Or a mummy that doesn’t make a sound.

A princess with a pretty dress
Maybe even a costume where you have to guess
You might even see a trash can walking about
Or something so scary you may even shout.

How bout someone dressed as a present
A flower costume would be ever so pleasant.
A robot that will walk all stiff
A dog that walks round and might sniff

A witch with a nose so ugly and big
Do you think someone will dress as a pig?
I wonder if someone will dress as a dog
Or maybe look like a big fat log.

I know, how bout dressing up like a pickle
Dress up like money, how bout a nickel.
No matter what costume you wear
You’ll probably get laughs or even a scare.

Make sure you say trick or treat
If you’re polite you’ll get goodies to eat.
So young or old and in between
I hope you all have a Happy Halloween!


Details | Lyric | |

Drive Like A Girl

My broker sent me a letter
Saying my insurance was over due
So I looked around on the internet
To see what I could do
I came across a web site
That really caught my eye
It’s called drive like a girl
Oh’ want a big surprise

I drive my little baby
And treat her with respect
I keep her clean and tidy
And her engines always kept 
I love my little Betsey 
And drive her like a girl
Burning rubber always
And revving hard as hell
Oh’ well, what the heck
Now, I’ve got a bleeper
Coz’ I went to drive like a girl
And got my insurance cheaper

So the next day I called them
On my mobile phone
I got a lovely girl
Chatting all alone
I said I'd like some insurance
For my latest star
She answered very calmly
Oh’ we can’t insure that car

Oh’ I said that’s funny
It does say drive like a girl.Com
Are you trying to tell me 
That, I’ve got all quite wrong
She answered very sweetly
But oh’ you’re not a girl
I said I dig, I wear a wig
Now would you like a sale

I drive my little baby
And treat her with respect
I keep her clean and tidy
And her engines always kept 
I love my little Betsey 
And drive her like a girl
Burning rubber always
And revving hard as hell
Oh’ well, what the heck
Now, I’ve got a bleeper
Cause I went to Drive like a girl
And got my insurance cheaper

© Copyright  13th March 2014
All Rights Reserved

Details | Free verse | |

Reflections: Intellectualism

To Dine, To Die;
Conversations spiral
While thunderous eyes
Grasp concepts to recycle.

Constant debt crisis
A political paradox
Grating social devices
Over the sorting of socks.

An endless groan
Argumental paralysis
The debate grants no throne.

Over a roast
Potatoes won't listen
To who talks the most.

"That point is so interesting"
The floor is open for chat
"What is real?" not a thing
"Meow" adds the cat.

Details | Lyric | |

Grass Was High

The grass was high, as were the weeds,

But on TV so were race-car speeds

I watched the turns - watched the spins

(My driver added to his wins!) … so …

Wife cut the grass.

A screen-door hinge was all a-skew

Gosh-darned thing had rusted through

But winnin’ down at Bowl-A-Lot

Was somethin’ at which I had a shot … so …

Wife fixed the hinge

Went ice-fishin’ – in my NEW truck,

With my pals, Ted and Buck … but

Kitchen sinks’ pipes were froze …

But, they’d thaw-out I supposed … so …

Wife fixed the pipes

Amy Beth – my wife’s sis

Sure “fills-out” her bodice

So she and I took a drive

(Showed her how I “skin” dive!) … and …

Wife said nuthin’

When I came home from work today

Wife weren’t here – she’d gone away

Why she’s gone – I got no clue

Guess I spoiled ‘er through ‘n through

Lawyer’s gonna hurt me

Details | Lyric | |

Hot Love In The Kitchen

Inspired By T Rex 'Hot Love'

Well she's his woman of gold 
She won't do as she's told 
A ha ha 
She's his woman of gold 
She shouldn't be so bold
When her hands are that cold 
A ha ha 
She casts her spell like a witch
She's not wearing a stitch 
A ha ha
She casts her spell like a witch 
She's not wearing a stitch 
A ha ha 
She really knows how to love
in her marigold gloves 
A ha ha .
Well I’m faster than most and I cook a mean roast
A ha ha 
Well I’m faster than most but I still burn the toast
A ha ha
In my sexy purple nightie I look rather flighty
A ha ha

Well she aint no witch 
but she sure makes me twitch 
a ha ha 
Well she aint no witch
but she makes my life rich 
A ha ha
I'm her two cent prince
and I give her hot love 
A ha ha 
ow ow hmmm

La la la la la la la
Oooh ooh the things she can make me do
Oooh ooh She can lay me down 
A ha ha 
La la la la la la la 
ooooh oooh oooh 
La la la

 17th May 2014
By Jan Allison & Darren Watson

Details | Lyric | |


Those yearly resolutions are largely token,
About mundane things that may not matter.
They're mostly promises that will be broken,
They're like filling the air with idle chatter.

Having good intentions will bring no gain,
Though in our hearts we're most sincere.
From this yearly exercise let's all refrain,
At least until this same time next year.

Details | Lyric | |

The Freaks Come Out At Night

Written December 29, 2013

You don't see me
You see her silhouetted by the vapor
My hands all over
She's an introverted now and later

You can build a wall
Before you fall
But I'd give up
When the wall will fall
I'll be waiting here
Plein de plaisir

In your snatch fits pleasure
Broom-shaped pleasure, even better
Like politicians
Spilling oil on the wonderland

The sun will fall
The moon will rise, the freaks come out at night
Native tongues and foreign lands
Leave me handcuffed to the night stand

You can build a wall
Before you fall
But I'd give up
When the wall will fall
I'll be waiting here
Plein de plaisir

Details | Lyric | |

Blasphemy--Warning: Explicit language and highly offensive

(These are lyrics to a song I wrote called "Blasphemy")

Mother Mary sat on a bench with me today
But I couldn't think of one goddamn thing to say
'Cept, "Mother, oh! Won't you please save my soul right now?
I'd gladly do it but I don't know exactly how"
Hail Mary! Bless me twice!
Judas betrayed Jesus Christ
In Revelations, prophets said
John the Baptist lost his head

You gotta pander to my ego
Herod was my hero
Why didn't Noah's Ark fall apart?
Genesis was...just the start

St. Peter slammed those Pearly Gates right into my fuc*ing face
Just too much sin I can't get in; no mansion there for me awaits
The wife of Lot, she turned to salt, but it was not all her fault
She ran away and then looked back as Sodom burned, and that's a fact

Repeat Chorus...

Well, life was Hell so Jonah sailed into the belly of a whale
Daniel in the lion's lair; Delilah chopped off Samson's hair
Cain killed Abel out of spite as the Lamb of God got sacrificed
There came the Whore of Babylon while Thomas doubted every-one

Repeat Chorus...

**Just trying to post something a little different ;)

Details | Lyric | |

Four-Eyed Charmer

I wear a white buttoned shirt
And my friends call me four eyes
But I don't care, just slowly walk away
And give 'em my gang sign

Don't bother with my appearance
Cause I'm the king of the chess team
Most guys got brons, when it comes to logic
I can win before you take a seat

And I'm a four-eyed charmer
But a real straight A lover
What girl wouldn't want to fall all over me
Hold my bag on the boat when I'm sick at sea
I'll give this life a mighty heave
Confidence you wouldn't believe
What girl wouldn't want to fall all over me
Give me oxygen when I forget to breathe

Some guys got British accents
To impress any American gal
I speak elvish and clenon
They got their mansion royale

Some guys eat snails a la mode
And only settle for the finest wine
I can foresee myself in Paris
Throwing tomatoes at the mimes

A true heart you'll discover
Under this four-eyed charmer
What girl wouldn't want to fall all over me
Hold my bag on the boat when I'm sick at sea
And I'm taking a leap of faith
That could either destroy or save
What girl wouldn't want to fall all over me
Give me oxygen when I forget to breathe

Now I finally got someone
A lovely gal to cheer me on
When I play videogames
All night to the crack of dawn

Now I finally got someone
Who loves to rub aloe when
I get a burning lobster tan
On my mayonnaise skin

Now I finally got someone
That thinks my wondering eye
Is actually kinda cute
At least now I'm not so shy

I am the geek with four eyes
A noble prince in disguise
With a girl who courageously fell for me
As the Titanic sinks I'll be your Lenny
And I bet it all on a whim
Now I'm the one with everything
With a girl who courageously fell for me
Her smile augmented, when I stood on one knee

Details | Blank verse | |

Keyboard Commando

He draws the fine line between hate and hate -
He's a keyboard commando.
Swirling eyes catheterise incontinent flamer rage -
She's a keyboard commando.
The spurned saturnine misanthropes,
The atheist/God brigades,
The grandad rock fascismos man
their onanist hive-brained barricades.
The CAPS LOCK attack-dogzillas,
The green crayon font glocalistas.
They're all keyboard commandos.
The zoilist cannibal synthesis;
The psycho-stalker metamorphosis.
Take half an ounce of thought,
A nanosecond of self-reflection,
A quark of empathy,
A sliver of good intention,
A tonne of self-righteousness,
A big ol' tent of me and me -
The bravado swamp thrills,
Rabid gazelles on kill,
Shelling from the craven caves of anonymity.
It's Munch's Scream upstreaming in the polyglot argot
of keyboard commandos.
Lying poet songsmiths:
So we're really all the same?
Oh yes -
We're churning in one big boiling cauldron world -
A world of keyboard commandos.

Details | Lyric | |

A Godly Insight

"What if you woke up tomorrow with only
what you asked god for today?"
As I read, a scowl is freed, then a smile
indeed, and I'll tell you why - I say:

"Poseidon is not so beneficent,
And neither - I wager - is Zeus.
So it seems to me if a man is honest,
he wakes up with what HE has produced."

This much is true. But I jest, of course,
I know they mean well, but let's see...
If god is provider, I'll have some hot cider!
...And yet none is present for me.

"Now, now, be a gentleman. Don't let your
sharp tongue be like teeth." I think.
But if others' boats fill with water,
ought I not inform them they'll sink?

Details | Lyric | |


My plate is filled,
Though my glass has nil;
The work load is hard to bear.

I chip away
But know each day;
There’s more of the same to take care.

Yet, a remedy
Ingrained in me,
Has to wait ‘til the work’s all done.

I gotta get out
Cause there’s no doubt,
I’m over burdened, and under-bourboned.

With each firing
And no hiring,
My work load has doubled in size.

They’ve stretched my hours
To the tenth power;
I work five to nine, not nine to five.

How long will I last?
Going full blast?
Every part of me is hurt ‘in.

Got to get away
From this meager pay;
I’m over burdened, and still under-bourboned.

What kind of life has
More burden
Than bourbon?

It’s time to draw down
The curtain
On work ‘in.

So raise your glass
And swig away.
To wash away
The hurt ‘in;
It’s time to over-bourbon!

Details | Rhyme | |


Let the stream of cash in, flood-gate
Like the Casino, I'll keep chips in your plate
Big-ballin', throw it in the pot, high stakes
Don't sleep, keep watch for fakes and snakes
So much dead pres' to burn, it's a crime
Surprised I ain't in the Feds, doing hard time

Making all this cash, you could say I invented it

Moving fast, speeding, put up a road-block, no preventin' it

I'm on a roll, pull out the spikes, can't flatten my tire

Gettin' this money on the low, but it takes me higher

Selling Mary J, Molly, and that white girl, no prostitution

Moving X and D, in the middle of finding a solution

I ain't doing algebra, money plus problems equals murder

Money talks, and all I hear from you is a murmur?

You poor, but I ain't talking 'bout serving drinks

I'm Balling, my chain's like a fence, got a lot of links

Back then, they locked me out, cash was the key to the door

I started from the bottom, got it from the floor

Dirty money, let it accumulate, sweep it with a broom

Wipe-out the marks with a mop, keep a clean room

Money keeps me ahead of the game, avoid defeat

I'm on the road to success, it's a one-way street

Details | Lyric | |

Dinny, din, din

Dinny Din Din.

Look in to the devil with sweetness
 Or find me some guy without sin
In cool blooded passion
So bold in your fashion
Look through the hole in your dinny, din, din.

It takes but a scratch to the surface
To peer at the shape we’re all in
Just under that layer you’ll find there a slayer
Who fills your whole head with that dinny, din, din.

It’s a fix, it’s a fix we’re all in
Those fashions and such going by
You know we’re told all those whys
As we hear frightened cries
As we’re caught in the noise of our dinny, din, din.

We’re caught in life’s dreams sweet and sour
As everything’s moving within
With the force of our fright
Our bonds are made tight
As we’re locked in the cage of our dinny din, din
Dinny, din, din.

Details | Light Poetry | |


SPRING IN AIR, LOVE ONLINE                                                          20/02/13

Nowadays , life is so unpalatable and stoic.
So unnecessarily busy and eventfully hectic.
Young folks thus gather in a shadowy discotheque, to kill,
The retreating winter shedding its last chill.
The chirps of the departing migratory,
With massacred green in a concrete urban factory,
Welcomes the spring breeze, and the cuckoo melody tune,
That too so rare,
For a short term vacation, in a vanity fair. 
Some emotional fools and roaming vagabond,
Can feel the spring air and reminiscences their  fond,
And cry for the past and the long lost love bonds.
Beside them no one dares to mingle,
Their soul with the colour of butterfly  twinkle.
No one cares to see the young green boughs,
Dancing in a frolic of crispy air that jingle.
All is there, in the air, except love my dear,
‘Cause love is now confined,
In another little world so secure.
Where there’s no hasty rushing,
No meaningless blushing,
No hassled waiting, no worrying restriction.
Love is just a ready-made parcel, 
At a press of a small button.
Love messages, e mails , tweets, face books ,web cyberspace and profile update,
Takes all the bothering responsibility, does all the necessary tete-a-tete.
No need for time taking arguments,
No need for extra commitments. 
Sometimes, meetings could be arranged, but
Oh! Never in public park or in a hopeless garden.
It could be in a shopping mall or a cool coffee  den.
The gorgeous and the grotty,
All gather at a V-day party.
Those who are privileged,
Share their love with diamonds and wine.
But for others, not a single grape,
Is sour in a vine.
Everything is taken for granted,
Just simple and fine.
‘Cause love can also be shared,
Simply free of cost on line.

Details | Lyric | |

Rain Man

we got a lot of rain man's wearin ray bands tryin to shake hands
with baked fans it a staged plan to get carly rea pants in front of a video tape.
stumblin mumblin bumblin fools trying to get paid
To say f this chick and f that one
whatever absurd word that flows right off of this tongue
got a dirty mouth, here is some orbitz gum
im sweatin bullets and i cant even afford a gun
but its so free if i want to abort my son then take his lungs
so i can be one hundred and forty one
and be here to see the thwarting of the sun

mr. obama who've worn out your welcome
But what do I know? I'm this republicun
who thinks all  girls and boys should become
either a monk or nun and never cum
and pay for all of our condoms and pregnancy prescriptions
Or am I christian who cant have fun
because I know hun its wrong to drink coke and rums
till i am drunk and wait for the ring to get buns
then go condemn kids with weed and pokemon

And its sad to think this what our kids believe
cause this what they preach on the MTV
and  their  heart beat beats to each tweet and re-tweet
till a pick leaks online then they move on to vines
whatever better trend setter that stimulates the mind

Details | Lyric | |

Creepy Confections

As Found in the “Sound of music”
Lyrics by JTC

I like confections, that feed all my craving
Macaroons covered with coconut shavings
Sugar plum cookies so big, you should share
Theses are the things that I like to prepare

Raspberry jelly, fills my cookie centers
The icing on top, I learned from my mentors
Sprinkling Jimmies fly free through the air
Theses are the things that I like to prepare

Marzipan made from pumpkin and spices
Covered in chocolate, serves all my vices
Lemon drop candies are made with such care
These are the things that are fun to prepare

But when the night comes, and the moons out
And I’m feeling dead
I simply remember, that I like fresh brains
And turn to eat them, instead

Eyeballs and ears with curdled blood icing
I hand the brains to others for slicing
Mincing the meat, to make pies with a flare
These are a few of the things I prepare

My special treat, are raw ladies’ fingers
As soon as they’re served, they seldom do linger
When pickling livers, the others just stare
But these are the things that I like to prepare

I boil skulls till they’re soft and chewy
Cook down the blood till it’s thick and gooey
Resisting these snacks,  Is the thing I can't bare
Cause these are the things that I like to prepare

But when the day comes and the suns out
And I’m filled with life
I simply return to the living again
And cook up some sweets........ till night

Details | Lyric | |

Wandering Alone

While wandering alone, with not anything  to do
My mind became packed, with selfless feelings of you
Photographs scattered on the floor, eyes well up
Stuffs I could have said, stuffs I should have done

The language of words that make two as one

Details | Lyric | |

Revolution Solutions

This borderline, the click,
Before the wayshower deiform projects his munificent rays,
A revolution-this, a call to arms-that,
A changing of the ways.
But first this ad displays a small box;
It states:
You can skip this ad in five seconds,
Monetising straightaway.

And in this valley of steaming mindfulness,
Lip-syncing sexily against the masonic symbols and signs,
This grand design masterstroke ignites the tinder-lit honeycomb,
Baptising innocent minds.
Draped in the kitsch visage of silk-screen Che -
Another nougat prophet fracking that socket-rocket -
Chocks away!

Pray then - I mean for the Fukushima fisherman, Gaia souls,
The Lord is clearly out of control,
Observe the Agents grin of kick-back lode,
All brought to you by.. relational codes and global modes,
Composed by the self-anointed, the chosen:
The nexus-intelligence loaded against you,
So generously urging you to believe in Love.

Though noughts of plenty lash against the Astral One,
The gnostic gnome shills the sun.
And bone collectors of Soul flower-press the sold,
Sipping leather scented acoustical saffron, chanting:
Everything for a reason happens.
Puppies paw for the crystal-pumping soldier:
Outlier outreach machine, the phantom inside the rage;
Another fat shepherd somewhere bedazzles calves under chemtrails.
And all that Love?
You paid.

The language of re option revolution,
Utilised to advertise corporate solutions,
And/or revolution.
The shedding Blue Star Kachina leaves Draco.

Details | Light Poetry | |


The fairer sex
How fair they aren't
When courting is in question
The fairer sex
How good they are
At beguiling and deception

Yet so in depth
Their traps prepared
Beauty - a treacherous invention
I think I know
Their ins and outs
Still this is no protection

From evil spells
For wedding bells
Will cloud your best perception
And in a trice
Your gagged and bound
In an altarly direction

[I wrote this in 1989 well before I got married...]

Details | Free verse | |

Positive Feedback Psycho Destroyer

Here's a unique kind of troll.
He trawls eBay to seduce sellers kiss-blowing
hundred percent positive feedback after their letters;
Those sellers that truly adore their customers proud,
Mesmerised by their own encore-bows..

 And that's when he strikes,
That's when he pounces:
Scoping them from his subterranean below-the-radar watchtower,
He buys stuff he neither wants or needs,
Only so he can destroy sellers positive feedback.

 Just for that? Yes. 
He loves destroying sellers one-hundred percent positive feedback.
Well we all need a hobby.
Welcome to the twenty-first century.

 For he is the King Neg Feedback Man.
The Genghis Attila Neg Feedback Man.
He leaves neg feedback because..? He can?

 Your bubblewrap made the wrong popping sound.
The packaging was grey; I prefer light brown.
The rubber duck you sold me is unrealistically buoyant;
I couldn't drown it - imagine my disappointment.

 Roaring scornful vapour trails his neg feedback warlord lust,
Grinds yet another gobsmacked seller pitilessly into pixillated dust..
Another old lady, mashed, weeps into her rusks;
It was her late husband's cardigan,
She didn't ask for much,
But no, still he ruthlessly blancmanged her baby-boomer,
love-not-bombs bone-ashing collapsing face with neg feedback.
She'll never get over that.

 She'll never get over that..
Her dead husband's cardigan got neg feedback.
Her granny farm cell is now the Heartbreak Hotel,
Memories of her husband's cardigan swirl down swallowed 
to where troll demons dwell.
The ravines on her face deeper than Martian sands.
Tears for her bedpan.
Tears for her bedpan.
Her name is Roxanne.

 And lo, let it be written,
As the years roll on by,
Under different false names, accounts and guises,
He will continue to traumatise, baffle, vaporise and tyrannise
the positive feedback prize-agonizers -
Fazing and hazing,
Liquidising and mayonnaising them with neg feedback.

 He doesn't seem angry, bitter or twisted;
He's never been bullied or abused;
He's never had a penchant for sniffing badgers - or glue,
(or sniffing badgers that sniff glue).
His kids love him,
His wife, his mistress, his goldfish, his garden gnomes do too.
He just loves buying things so he can leave neg feedback.

 Your old man's cardigan smells of plastic buttons.. 

 See, it's just his hobby,
It's just his aphrodisiac,
It's just the way he blows his stack,
It's how he gets his black back into even more black.
He just loves leaving negative feedback.
It's as simple as that.
Some people are just like that.
It's that deep.

Details | Free verse | |

Weeding The Moonscape Of My Back Garden

Weeding the
moonscape of my back
Truly, it's a big
Weeding the
moonscape of my back
My nerves shredding:
The concrete weeds,
I steal
myself for this task
I've delayed, I
admit, for cosmic

Bravely, finally, I
resolved and booked
one week's annual
leave -
To prepare, to
From this task that
may take up to two

I'm impelled to
Must I find the
to take on the
abysmal brat of
Fetch me a flask of
sports energy drink,
Complex sugar, I
think, my devotional

You see,
I write poetry, so
must I also do
Must I really stand
alone on that flat
dune of grey,
Pockmarked with such
monstrous green
The weeds, they are
almost thirty
centimetres, and
grimly rising!
I stare at them from
the window, I'm not
really crying.
Wouldn't you rather
I just wrote this
How many fresh dead
poets does the world
I'd like to be a
living tragic poet,
not one that weeds!
(That's too tragic,
even for me).

And, look over
there! See!
I might get bitten
by that bumblebee!
And I sneeze like a
banshee when near
Sometimes three
sneezed sneezes I
issue near weeds.
Yes, banshees do

Weeds are angry
wannabe baby trees,
I'm feeling quite
I'll already,
So ill, I've just
spelt it I'll.
Now that's I'll,
Sorry, ill.
Where's my quill?
I need to scroll the
Order some pills -
Those ones,
Exported from the
moon, made in
Those especial
potions you don't
require an ignoring
doctor to see,
I must have illegal
I'm a poet, it's my
job, silly!
And -
I. Don't. Do.
Wrestling. Weeds.

Yet, here I stand on
the precipice,
There they sway
taunting me,
The emerald streaked
posse of thorny
triffid pisse.

Well, here goes -
One small step for
man, maybe,
But one giant leap
for a poet such as

for more of my
humorous poetry just
google Suki Spangles

Details | Light Poetry | |

If I could talk to the Aussies

I have a couple of internet Friends in Australia
We like to joke around some, so I wrote them this,
To the tune of "Talk To The Animals"  (Dr. Dolittle)

If I could talk to the Aussies
just imagine it
Babbling to a Bloke, in Blokaneses
Imagine Bantering with Bludgers
Chatting to a Cobber
What a neat achievement that would be

If I could talk to the Aussies
Learn all their dialects
Maybe get an Aussie slang degree
I'd study Cone Toad and Dag
Galah, Dill and Bag
And of course Ab-bor-rid-gin-e

I would parle in Punter and Piker
And would curse in fluent Kangaroo

If i'm asked , "Can you speak 'Banana Bender' "
I'ld say "Both Genders, can't you"

If I could talk to the Aussies, learn their languages
Think of all the things we'd disagree  
If I could walk with the Aussies
Talk to an Aussies
Slang and Bang and hang with an Aussies
And they could Slang
                          and Bang
                                  and Hang
                                         with  Me !

Details | Lyric | |

Disvirgined Truth


We don’t have enough time left to check time
Many left as too much couldn’t get enough
Stranded in the middle of no where with no dime
The lord will provide; yet, journey still too tough
This is a historical case we all presumed
Based on facts fore-known; this is presumptive
Reasonably not the worst we all assumed
Mission not accomplished became abortive.

On air, same plane, different pilots
On a coming together, different cohorts
Our problems too enormous, might capsize us
Engulfed in cloudy flames, critics criticize us
Sin is fun, fun is sin; poison tasting so sweet
Let the apostles wash their heads, Jesus will wash their feet
Time to leave the multitude and reach the altitude
Time to ignore our oppositions and maintain our positions.

Many prophets, same quest, different prophesies
Ambition is priceless, same quest, different emphases 
We are here for destiny sake, one mission
Starting to keep moving, confused vision
Time to focus and get it
Our ‘F’ is for forget it 
Kiss it and stuck your tongue
Even we are wrong.


Details | Lyric | |

Mushrooms of the magic type

An innocent looking fungus,
With a wonderful psychedelic purpose.
What are we to see?
Fictional reality in cinematic 3-D.

A four hour journey,
Which creates a compelling story.
Can it really be?
Life's purpose visioned beneath a single tree.

What a strange sculpture,
Until one looks brutally closer.
Are you staring at me?
The condemned mirrored look, lusting to be free.

On closing my eyes,
I can see clearly the complex function of the skies.
A lucid dream? 
Where illusions that hallucinate can be seen.

With no more fear limits,
After time-stopping regular love visits.
What does this mean?
The transformation into a beautiful human being.

Details | Lyric | |

Less than 22

I had a little misunderstanding 'bout a fellas size in shoes, the other night. 
I said he wore a size eight boot, he said he wore a twelve, and you know he's right. 
So Mister if you shake my hand, don't shake it all that hard, I may yell out, 
'cos when they take the bandage off I may be able, just about, 
To hold the contents of a half filled pint of stout. 

And Lady if you're whispering sweet nothings in my ear, don't lean too close, 
'cos when they sewed it back they couldn't match up all the pieces, it looks gross. 
And a Taxi will be here in just a minute for to take this body home. 
'cos that Gentleman outta the kindness of his heart, 
Had volunteered to cure my wanderlust to Roam. 

When they take the Cast off, I'll be able to walk 
As good as any other man 
Leastways a Man of Ninety that's been losin' touch with Reality, my friend. 
And after the Plastic surgery you won't recognise me,I won't look the same. 
At least that's what I'm hoping if this Guy should ever pass my way again. 

Well I bought twen quarts of beer for him, and don't you know I had just one or two. 
Then we decide to take a walk unto a Nightclub, where the Ladies all look fine. 
And when the night was over the Conversation turns to which girl goes Home with Who. 
But he don't talk nice, he just hits me twice, and I Hit the Road, 
And he takes off with mine. 

So i lie here in my Hospital bed and Crave in earnest 
For a beer to Ease the Pain 
As I gaze upon the Ceiling, as I listen to the Rhythm of the Rain 
And I Sighed, as I Realised, i'd Socialised with a Certified Insane 
And I hoped and prayed to god that he's just never gonna pass my way again. 

Details | Lyric | |

Smelly me -song lyric contest

Stop buzzing round my head bee
I am not a flower
Message understood
I'll go and have a shower

I know I 'm smelling sweaty
This I must agree
Working in the garden
Has made a smelly me.

Buzz off and feed now
flowers over there
Go and fill on pollen
I'm a gardener that cares

Sing to my old man's a dustman    Wait til he starts the my old man part 

Penned 9 July 2013

Contest Song Lyric

Details | Lyric | |

Let Me Be Your Bass Guitar

You brush across my heartstrings
Vibrates them like a bass guitar
You're the player
So am I the bass?
Let me be your bass guitar..

Arpeggios flow
We know the solos so..
This sparkling light alights our deeper sea
The stilled moon bathes as our rolling waves entwine
Where Love slips Time, eternally..

Let me be your bass guitar
Hearts duetting fingertips
Embrace the one plus one as One
The sum, the sound of Aum..

Let me be your bass guitar
Ripple your notes celestial
Space amplifies drunk by the sipping Star
The ocean seashells echo..

(to read poems on my poetry site just search Suki Spangles)

Details | Lyric | |

Interview With The Commander Of A Western Suicide Bomber

We gave thanks
He was blessed from above,
After all, he died doing something he loved..

He flew in, just like they did:
But they invaded, he defended.
They cluster bomb, we behead.
He was good, he was disciplined;
He was no tearaway, he was a good kid.
He was funny, loved his playstation he did.
Oh, what was his name again..? 
You know, it was two weeks' ago,
And as you know
a lot has happened since then..

Details | Light Poetry | |

Office Goddess

She wafts chocolate truffle candyfloss scented skin,
Her fathomless eyes shimmer limpid pools I dreamily drown in.
Her complexion: olive cherry asses milk satin silken porcelain.
She's stratospeheric, serrates the class of Dietrich, 
She sashays mesmeric,
She's with a bastard called Derek.

She's the hallowed office goddess mermaid angel siren vamp,
Her hair shivers waterfalling rivers,
Celestial beings bow, hold her lamp.
Her swishing swaying graces and amazes
the trolls, Clarkson's, loup-garous and gargoyles of the office floor,
Grown men awe-struck blinded weep,
Stick needles in their eyes, yet want more.
That's deep.
The rainbow is her staircase,
She rides the unicorn on the subway,
Golden fleece wash over her umbrella,
She's with a bastard called Derek.

Derek is in HR.
Two bling screens flash on his not-hotdesk.
Derek does my annual appraisal,
That's the Derek I hate the best.
So, moving forward, where do you see yourself a year from now?
What skills do you need upgrading?
What added value are you..blah blah and blah..
I stare into distant space,
Where she floats swirling above my fishtanked face.
My brain is an impoding toupee,
My brain is an imploding toupee..

This Eden of tumbleweed plastic plant patsies,
Dry-blown biscuit phlegm and other tea point nasties:
Stinking microwaved day-glo pasties,
Herbal tea used condoms,
Bubonic plague used hankies.

Phosphorescent Guantanamo curdling strip lights,
Oven-ready office-gossip gobshites.
Air conditioning redelegating flu,
There's another weeping corpse-to-be suicidal inside this loo:
The grim reaper's temping here, playing peak-a-boo,
Sounds good to me,
Let's join them too.

Another annual appraisal,
Another horse glue-sniffing this fetid bolted-in stable;
Another century in a day of years,
Three million unemployed: wish you were here?
Who left the photocopier jammed?
Hands up if it was one of us damned.
Who hasn't put money in the snack tin?
Who splattered their soul in the wrong recycling bin?
For this dog the office Christmas party isn't for Christmas, it's for life,
Derek has the office goddess,
And I'm left clutching this plastic knife.

(I've also started recorded some of my poems this week and uploading them on my new you tube channel. Just type Suki Spangles in its search engine)

Details | Lyric | |

You Are Hard

You are hard, you are brash,
Your swagger is flash,
And when we touch base, your talk turns to cash.

You are loud, especially in a crowd,
But when your rowdy anger flies
Your friends are suitably cowed.

You are strong, but weak as well,
When someone's wrong you give them hell,
But when they're right you're even worse -
oh, how we love to hear you curse!

Hopes and hearts you broke before
lie littered by each bedroom door,
In their love-lost legions,
they nurse their dark sweet lesions.

You of ice, then of wild fire,
A self-confessed accomplished liar.
Yet still we dance attendance full, 
on you - our heart's desire!

You will not leave a friend without,
But on that friend will scream and shout.
No stauncher ally can be found,
But to your life we must be bound.

Tough as diamond, soft as silk,
No deeper well of kindness' milk.
On we who dwell within your walls,
No shadow of oblivion falls!

Details | Rhyme | |


You know why I run game? It's 'cause I'm a player
I'm the night in shining armor, she's a dragon, I'm gon' slay her
That means when I beat it up, I'm gonna kill it
Tell her keep our business to herself, don't spill it
Can't follow directions, then it's on to the next
Hope you get the message, not talking 'bout a text

Plenty of fish in the sea, you gotta' use the right bait

Move fast, early bird gets the worm, don't be late

I'm a player, I attract all types of women

Get 'em all wet, like they're going swimmin'

Switch 'em up, more than I do my clothes

Got a different chick at all of my shows

Can't choose, there's too many to pick from

I beat that thing up like banging on a drum

Like fishes in water, I got 'em hooked

Chicks galore, schedule's filled, like a library I'm booked

We're in the bed more than hospital patients

Take my time, make sure she's satisfied, I got patience

They call me the Hulk, all I do is smash

It's a hit-and-run, not talking 'bout a car crash

Call it the thing on the side of your bed, one-night-stand

Kinda' like a hit TV show, I'm on demand

Details | Rhyme | |


Cash makes the world go round, spin
Don't I look like money, that's my twin
Gettin' money, like it's going out of style
I keep throwing it up, like it's bile
Got cash all over me, like it's a rash
You better chase that paper, stack that cash

Punchline, watch out for the blow

This ain't deer season, but I got a lot of doe

I don't play sports, but somehow manage to ball

You pissed, hurry, go to the bathroom stall

You're mad, 'cause your chick's jumping on my pogo-stick?

If this was the NFL draft, she'd be my first pick

I gave her my two-sense, she brought a quarter back

Team player, certified hustler, put her name on a plaque

You're like an old car, broke, need a tune-up

Chasing paper all day, even when the moon's up

Started in the basement, took it to the attic

Bottom to top, having all this cash is problematic

Get my strap, solve problems, trigonometry

A lil' bit of paranoia, nothing's wrong with me

Oxymoron, dirty money got me looking clean

Step in the scene, record-breaker by all mean

Details | Lyric | |

On Pause

Glaring at a brilliant screen;
Awaiting, just awaiting -
Glancing over humorous things;
Copying a brilliant show.

Never really watching;
And stopping, ever stopping -
Preparing for the sun’s arrival;
Waiting for it’s sombre glow.

Nothing real until you see it;
Together, just together -
As I hold my coffee cup.
Pausing everything I cherish;
Where life begins when you wake up.

Details | Lyric | |

Ephydriad Descending Thames Ganges

oud panther waves slink India ink
night boats thrum dreamfire elixer
fairy-light washing-line-piers swing Shanghaied lanterns
swirling moon-dial whirlpools glisten
tremulous lovers' tuliping lips time-slip swoon

landslide teardrops absinthe drip-drops
layered illuminated filaments glimmer
ephydriad descending
swerving ecstasiate
slow boat twelve-fifty

scintillant cosmogryal night river
dolphins salmon universe saffron
pearl-diving eternitarians
wish-fulfilling sea shanties
shanti shanti shanti
anciently Thames Ganges

bottle-filling ferries slide
loading-skip floating zen-less anchored quayside
water falling legless glass consciousness streams
amber emerald kohl crimson trampoline
clash-smash tinkle-tinkle thudding solar plexus
bells' citadel nexus
lapping motor-oil-blue sheen unpipping dimples

coil river unwind!
Goya spires reascend heavenward raining melting candle-dips
puddle eyes hush tongue incantation hurdling wordless
mosaic expressions ceramic profiles tile translucent stirred shaken
tree shapes

oud panther waves slink India ink
night boats thrum dreamfire elixir
fairy-light washing-line-piers swing Shanghaied lanterns
swirling moon-dial whirlpools glisten
tremulous lovers' tuliping lips time-slip swoon

Details | Lyric | |

The Honeyed Abyss, The Night Torn

Palms brush-stroke impressions,
Moonbeams stoke, seep and melt,
Sliding skin diffusing,
Gazelle liquid eyes shimmer fathomless,
Hair, charcoal dew - yarn-spun,
Frames the night,
Sealing silken whispers electric,
Comingling: The Honeyed Abyss,
Enraptured in the sparkle of Orion.

Fingertip streams,
Unclasp Time's necklace:
Purest Now.

The life lifted,
The landfall - Dream.
The Nature Awakened,
Yearning eternity
imprinting commentary
on the moment.

The night torn,
Just plucked away,

The cruel birds arrive,
I know, I know: