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Lyric Funny Poems | Lyric Poems About Funny

These Lyric Funny poems are examples of Lyric poems about Funny. These are the best examples of Lyric Funny poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Limerick | |

His funeral

That he planned his funeral is factual
And being a prankster quite actual
He prerecorded his voice
So when we kneeled on the joist
He said, "Hi there! Don't I look natural."


Details | Lyric | |

Frazzled

Teach and study, cook and clean
Write a poem in between
All the chores and daily life
Perfect Mom, half decent wife

Work and work and dream and dream
Scrub the tub in shower stream
Want to travel here and there
But I’m stuck and full of care

Write and write, and feel the sting
Hope tomorrow joy will bring
Gulp down well my happy pill
Looking for that awesome thrill

Hit my head against the wall
Scream in pain, then take a fall
Try to keep life going right
Need a stick of dynamite

Mundane, weary, chore filled day
Want my hips to dance and sway
Feel like I will suffocate
Every grade will get in late

Cook and cook and scream and scream
In the soup, dollop of cream
Morning light, I check my phone
Off to work, I give a groan

Frazzled, frazzled, what’s the deal?
Dazzled’s how I want to feel
Thought I looked so sexy sweet
Hubby wants an OVEN treat 

Write a verse to keep me sane
Post a poem, deaden pain
Live a life of make believe
Passion fashion in my weave

So I read another write
P Soup’s, Yum Yum, a delight
Frumpy, Grumpy’s Passion Queen
Just don’t check behind the screen!!!

Eileen

I’m frustrated. I have grades to give in, a thesis to finish, a trip to plan….and I can’t be BOTHERED!!!!!!!!!! Sympathy People!!!




Details | Lyric | |

Itsy, Bitsy, Teenie, Weenie Brain

To the tune of "Itsy Bitsy, Teenie Weenie, Yellow, Polka-Dot Bikini"
Dedicated to Nancy Pelosi

Chorus:
She has an itsy bitsy
Teenie weenie
Brain inside her little beanie
And she uses it infrequently

An itsy, bitsy
Teenie weenie brain
We get the heebie jeebies
Whenever Nancy's in our company

Two, three, four 
Don’t stick around, head for the door

Nancy:
  Oh, I pushed and I wrested for health care
  But no one wanted this lame, inane fare
  Still I managed to get it through Congress
  The court may now say it was pointless

Two, three, four
Please don’t give us anymore

Chorus:
She has an itsy bitsy
Teenie weenie
Brain inside her little beanie
And she uses it infrequently

An itsy, bitsy
Teenie weenie brain
We get the heebie jeebies
Whenever Nancy's in our company

Nancy:
  Some will tell you that my voice sounds too shrill
  But House members have followed me still
  Yet we have an election upcoming
  From my muse all my members are running

Final Chorus:
From the Congress to her home state
From California to the streets
Of San Francisco you will find her
Oh so sad to lose her seat


Details | Lyric | |

Beer Pong Balls

-Sing along to Jingle Bells-


Beer pong balls! Beer pong balls!
Landing in my cup.
The more you sink, the more I drink.
It's Christmas, let's get drunk!

Heeeeeyyyy!

Beer pong balls! Beer pong balls!
Landing in my cup.
The more you make, the more I take.
It's Christmas, lets get drunk!


Drinking Michelobe... Sipping on some Jack...
We just made two cups... Give us the balls back!
Ha. Ha. Ha.
Guys can finger cups... Girls know they can blow...
I'm hall of fame, In this game, cause I drink like a pro

OOOOhh!

Beer pong balls! Beer pong balls!
Landing in my cup.
The more you sink, the more I drink.
It's Christmas, let's get drunk!

Heeeeeyyyy!

Beer pong balls! Beer pong balls!
Landing in my cup.
The more you make, the more I take.
It's Christmas, lets get drunk!


A day or two ago... Drinking Miller Light...
I had won eight games, and then got in a fight...
Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!
We ran out of beer... Had to get some more...
If I'm alive, then I can drive, let's all go to the store!

OOOOhh!

Beer pong balls! Beer pong balls!
Landing in my cup.
The more you sink, the more I drink.
It's Christmas, let's get drunk!

Heeeeeyyyy!

Beer pong balls! Beer pong balls!
Landing in my cup.
The more you make, the more I take.
It's Christmas, lets get drunk!


Details | Lyric | |

Yard Sale Cowboy On CD

From here to wherever, I'll follow a yard sale sign,
it's a past time endeavor, for my collective state of mind,
I may buy some furniture, or a trinket for a dime,
yard saling is a pleasure, yes, a personal hobby of mine,

Yea, I'm a yard sale cowboy, on the trail of search and find,
and it gives me great joy, to see a yard sale sign,
from here to wherever, cloudy days or sunshine,
I'm searching for that treasure, ain't no telling what I'll find,

I may find brand new things, boots, shoes, or clothes the right size,
silver and gold chains or rings, or an antique will catch my eyes,
I could find my brother a nice bass lure, or a spool of fishing line,
or maybe a nice piece of furniture, or something for a friend of mine,

Yea, I'm a yard sale cowboy, on the trail of search and find,
and it gives me great joy, to see a yard sale sign,
It's a past time endeavor, for my collective state of mind,
Yard saling is a pleasure, ain't no telling what I"ll find,

Yea, I'm a yard sale cowboy, I just spotted a yard sale sign,
searching is a pleasuree, ain't no telling what I'll find,
I may find an old bass lure, or a spool of fishing line,
now one thing is for sure, I just found my cat a ball of twine,
and look here, I found my ol' dog a bone to grind,

Yea, I'm a yard sale cowboy, on the trail of search and find,
I may find an old bass lure, or a spool of fishing line,
from here to wherever, cloudy days or sunshsine,
I'm a yard sale cowboy, on the trail of search and find,
Yea, I'm a yard sale cowboy, ain't no telling what I'll find,

Hey Bud, how much for that there what-cha-ma-call-it?
Naw Naw, Naw, that there thing-a-ma-jig, there next to that do-ma-flitchie,
Yea, Yea, that thinga-ma-jig right there.....ya say three dollars..um-m-m..OK...
I'll take it...here ya go.....and how much for that do-daddy over there?
Yea, yea, right next to those 2 onion skin tires...Uh Huh..yea..well I'll be..
Well yea..I'll take it too...it's something I just can't live without...ha ha ha..


Details | Lyric | |

Oh Uhura - To Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah

There was a Starship Enterprise,
It was the ruler of the skies,
But you don't really care for sci-fi, do you?
With Captain Kirk
And Mr Spock
And don’t forget the trademark jock,
And there upon the bridge you’ll find Uhura

Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura 
Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura

You’ll find Bones Macoy down in sickbay,
“I’m a doctor Jim” he’d say,
And cure whatever space bug ran through you,
He’ll banish away every cough,
Even if your name’s Chekov,
Or perhaps you might be sweet Uhura

Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura
Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura

To make the starship up and go,
The man you really need to know,
Is the Helm officer called Sulu,
But if it’s a message you’d like to send,
Then of course you can depend,
Upon the talented Miss Uhura,

Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura
Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura

Your voyage lasted three short years
But despite the trekkie’s fears,
It wouldn’t be the last time that we’d view you,
Of feature films there’d be twelve,
Before the franchise they would shelve,
But we won’t forget you dear Uhura

Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura
Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura
Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura
Oh Uhura, Oh Uhura

Oh Uhura


Details | Lyric | |

My Favorite Things as a Middle Aged Chick

Night sweats and crazy
Hot flashes and lazy
Mood swings and a body (?)
That looks pretty shoddy

Eating and bleeding and wanting to scream
These are a few of my Favorite Things

When your doctor
Says a shocker
that your
Uterus is a lobster

I simply remember to pretend I'm filled with glee
and then
I forget that my uterus is in atrophy


Details | Lyric | |

A Cubicle Wish

I wish the world was made of cubes,
Four flat sides and a top ~
For I cant stand the slippy things,
That tend to slide or flop.
From piles of paper falling down 
Upon my dirty floor ~
To odd shaped bottles and fans I have,
Like one gigantic junk drawer.
But if the world was made of cubes
sitting in neat stacks ~
Then things would not fall over things
And this place wouldn‘t look like crap.


Details | Lyric | |

Polynonsensicalamorous

I'm polynonsensicalamorous;
For me,
Romance is calamitous,

I woo and charm,
And raise some alarm,
When I try to arouse,
... By flexing my arm!

Some days its almost ridiculous,
Whatever I do, 
It's frivolous!

So I dress to impress,
But I'm always despairing,
When I walk through the door,
I hear: "What are you wearing?"

They told me love was fabulous,
If you want the truth:
It's strenuous!

When I try to hit,
I always miss,
That hug I got,
...Should've been a kiss!

But if all is fair in love and war,
I should keep trying until I score,
And maybe one day I will cease to fuss,
If only I wasn't...
Polynonsensicalamorous.



Details | Lyric | |

A Piece Of Lace

[Verse-1]
I watched you walk by yesterday, and yes again you turned and looked away
You never give me the time of day, and you're always looking sad and grey
A small piece of lace from your pink dress, is all that's left of you and me
Wish I could take back yesterday, when I went astray and set you free
I wish I could find the words to say, instead of making you look away
Oh! It's funny how a little piece of lace, makes me yearn for your embrace

[Verse-2]
I know that I still need your love, because my heart is always feeling blue
And I guess I'll never be the same, for playing around and being untrue
You gotta know this isn't what I wanted, cause now I'm always on my knees
But I can see how you like your freedom, of being with him and not with me
But baby a twist of fate's what tore us apart, and placed this look upon my face
Oh! it's still funny how a little piece of lace, makes me yearn for your embrace

[Chorus]
A piece of lace from your pink dress, keeps putting me down won't let me rest
And these cloudy skies are back today, holding my heart and soul at bay
I pray you come and take this lace, and wipe these tears from my face
Oh! It's funny how a little piece of lace, makes me yearn for your embrace

[Verse-3]
All those things that you used to do, is what made me fall in love with you
You gave me your all once upon a time, but like a fool I up and flew
And the things I went and said that day, made you fade and drift away
I never shoulda treated you that way, cause baby I need you here today
The sun keeps hiding behind the clouds, and all I do is sit and cry
And this piece of lace holds my heart at bay, I don't know...maybe it's a sign

[Chorus]
A piece of lace from your pink dress, keeps putting me down won't let me rest
And these cloudy skies are back today, holding my heart and soul at bay
I pray you come and take this lace, and wipe these tears from my face
Oh! It's funny how a little piece of lace, makes me yearn for your embrace

Oh! It's funny how a little piece of lace, makes me yearn for your embrace


Details | Lyric | |

"The Nausea-go-round."

Up, down, up, down
Oh what a ride,
Round and round, round and round,
I've got quite a feeling inside,
Ever constant revolutions,
My stomach just gave me a hunch.
Up, down, around, RETCH!!!
Oh dear, I've just lost my lunch.


Details | Lyric | |

These Words

All these words and all these lines
Just keep running through my mind
By the dozens, they drown out sound
And force me to quickly write them down
Lines and lyrics in poetic rhyme
Written within record time
Words so simple and plain to me
Can bring a smile or a tear you see
Though these are more 
Than mere words to me
It is a part of my soul,
From way down deep
So please excuse me 
While I let it all out
Or these words will drive me crazy
Without any doubt!


Details | Lyric | |

You Won't Tell Them How You Lied

[verse-1]
Tonight it feels like, the end of the world
Tonight you showed me, you were never my girl
I wonder do you know, what my heart is doing
Well girl it's breaking in two, since you've gone

[verse-2]
Go ahead tell those lies, to all your friends
Go ahead tell them, what a big fool i've been
I wonder will you tell them, you have a heart of stone
Or will you call them, and joke about me on the phone

[chorus]
Well be sure to tell them, how you broke my heart
And how funny it was, when I set down and cried
Tell them how, you tore my world apart
'Cause I know, you won't tell them how you lied

[verse-3]
You're gonna have to be careful, when you're drinking
You're gonna have to be sober, when you're bragging
You'll have to learn to shut your mouth, when your wasted
Or everyone will no your a liar, and how your mind is twisted

[chorus]
Well be sure you tell them, how you broke my heart
And how funny it was, when I set down and cried
And tell them how, you tore my world apart
'Cause girl I know, you won't tell them how you lied


Details | Lyric | |

Dad

Dad is not perfect, but, a wonderful man;
He’s honored by his wife, daughter and son.

Whether a naughty girl or an angelic boy,
He’s ready to buy a gift or make a toy.

Dad is whom you want to be with,
When you’re down or you’re in need.

He is always there for you, giving hope;
And loses his temper when you’re in dope.

Dad was born, indeed, to make us laugh;
Especially, when he shares his funny stuff.

In one’s heart, he leaves his memories;
A true friend, a brother, a man of peace.

So this is what dad means to me;
Am I ready for this? Let me see.

Hmm, I’m thinking; nope, I pass.
I’m old, just 90. You boys don’t rush.



Details | I do not know? | |

The break up- Footle contest

Cold stares
heart tares


Details | Lyric | |

I found a job

I found a job at last

Well, I worked hard for twenty year
For a greedy type of bloke
I pushed and pulled until me legs went weak
Then one day I felt this twinge
It ran right down me spine
So I went out, some doctors help to seek

Now I can’t sit, and I can’t walk
Can’t even wash me feet
So off I goes to see this medico
He looked me over knowingly
As if he understood!
Then said “You’re doing fine, now off you go”

So off I goes to get a job
I gave some boss a call
But when he saw the way it was for me
He said “I can’t give you a job!
You’re stuffed my boy, that’s all
Oh, don’t tell me about your misery”.

I tried for an insurance claim
They said “we know you’re kind!!
You say you’re hurt, but is this really true?
To get some money out of us
You’ll have to test our might
We deem you fit to get a job, we do”

Well now I’ve got myself a job
It’s a breeze, I must confess
I lie her licking postage stamps all day
When I said I couldn’t work
I forgot about me tongue
So now I’ve got a job, and it’s okay.


Written in 1990





Details | Lyric | |

Friendly Reminder

She said..........

You workaholic, you're intoxicated
'Seems like work is all that's on your mind
With all the extra money, you've been making
It looks like you could pay your bills on time

Now you don't have to ruin your good credit
You don't have to let it go that far
I'll wait up 'til midnight on you baby
But you can be expecting a late charge

Baby, your account is delinquent
You need to make arrangements with me
If I don't hear from you this evening
I'm gonna form a collection agency

'Just a friendly reminder from this lonely heart of mine
Your lovin', baby, is two payments behind
This is your second notice, won't you do what's right
I don't want no partial payments, I want all of you tonight




PROTECTED BY A BROKE LAWYER AND A CUTE CLIENT


Details | Light Poetry | |

I Had To Write This Poem

I had to write this poem 
because I thought of this one great line,
What do you think -
will it stand the test of time?

Well, I had to write it down
to deter other poets stealing this idea;
You know lines are clutched from the atmosphere,
Or they fall like apples, spill over like beer.

I had to write this poem,
Because I thought of this one great line;
Like a beat messiah,
My acid milk turns to wine.

And now I feel fine, and your pleasure
in my one sparkling line.
I had to write this poem,
Hidden in this gem of a line.


Details | Lyric | |

Four-Eyed Charmer

I wear a white buttoned shirt
And my friends call me four eyes
But I don't care, just slowly walk away
And give 'em my gang sign

Don't bother with my appearance
Cause I'm the king of the chess team
Most guys got brawns, when it comes to logic
I can win before you take a seat

And I'm a four-eyed charmer
But a real straight A lover
What girl wouldn't wanna fall all over me
Hold my bag on the boat when I'm sick at sea
I'll give this life a mighty heave
Confidence you wouldn't believe
Whet girl wouldn't wanna fall all over me
Give me oxygen when I forget to breathe

Some gits got British accents
To impress any American gal
I speak elvish and clenon
They got their mansion royale

Some guys eat snails a la mode
And only settle for the finest wine
I can foresee myself in Paris
Throwing tomatoes at the mimes

A true heart you'll discover
Under this four-eyed charmer
What girl wouldn't wanna fall all over me
Hold my bag on the boat when I'm sick at sea
And I'm taking a leap of faith
That could either destroy or save
What girl wouldn't wanna fall all over me
Give me oxygen when I forget to breathe

Now I finally got someone
A lovely gal to cheer me on
When I play videogames
All night to the crack of dawn

Now I finally got someone
Who loves to rub when
I get a burning lobster tan
On my mayonnaise skin

Now I finally got someone
Who thinks my wandering eye
Is actually kinds cute
At least now I'm not so shy

I am the geek with four eyes
A noble prince in disguise
With a girl who courageously fell for me
As the titanic sinks I'll be your Lenny
And I bet it all on a whim
Now I'm the one with everything
With a girl who courageously fell for me
Her smile augmented when I stood on one knee



NOTE: So I feel ridiculously silly now, but I already posted this one a long time ago... must have slipped my mind... oh well :/


Details | Lyric | |

PIRATE PUB SONG

SUNG TO THE TUNE OF "LONDON BRIDGE IS FALLING DOWN"

Wobbly-boot ter rubbity-dub
nary me ol' hide did scrub
showin' crack
'n grinder plaque
th' pirate's shorin' 

Hail th' buccaneerin' frog
tip th' keg 'n swill me grog
a blunt o' pot, 
a wench's bot
fer all-night whorin'

Th' briny whore, th' scurvy wench
wit' bloomers off 'n stinky stench
fer ha'penny's worth
did warm me berth
'n rolled off snorin'

Hail th' buccaneerin' frog
tip th' keg 'n swill me grog
a blunt o' pot, 
a wench's bot
fer all-night whorin'

Up th' hips 'n spread th' knees
tig ol' bitties pump 'n squeeze
roll th' rump
hump-hump-hump-hump
a-rippin' 'n roarin'

Hail th' buccaneerin' frog
tip th' keg 'n swill me grog
a blunt o' pot, 
a wench's bot
fer all-night whorin'






Details | Lyric | |

My Sheep (Parody of the Beatles' "She Loves You")

My sheep go “Baa, Baa, Baa”
My sheep go “Baa, Baa, Baa”
My sheep go “Baa, Baa, Baa, Baa, Baa”

Farm country’s quite a place
Greener space and friendly smiles
My sheepdog likes to chase
Grazing flocks out here for miles

You know without sheep,
Don’t ya know I would be sad
Yeah without sheep,
I would go stark raving mad 

My sheep go “Baa, Baa, Baa”
My sheep go “Baa, Baa, Baa”
And with a woolly friend, your life is never bad

They call me Miss BoPeep
I guess it’s sorta fair
Because my spoiled sheep
Get tender loving care

You know without sheep,
Don’t ya know I would be sad
Yeah without sheep,
I would go stark raving mad, ooh!

My sheep go “Baa, Baa, Baa”
My sheep go “Baa, Baa, Baa”
And with a woolly friend, your life is never bad

So you can spread the word
My stock stick waives with pride
Noisy faithful herds
Are always by my side

You know without sheep,
Don’t ya know I would be sad
Yeah without sheep,
I would go stark raving mad, ooh!

My sheep go “Baa, Baa, Baa”
My sheep go “Baa, Baa, Baa”
And with a woolly friend, your life is never bad
With a woolly friend, your life is never bad
With a woolly friend, your life is never...
Bad!
"Baa, Baa, Baa"
"Baa, Baa, Baa, Baaaaaa"


Details | Lyric | |

My Pickup Truck

(song lyrics)
Verse 1:
Now I can’t go fishin’, ‘cuz ya’ sold my rod and reel
Can’t go snow-racin’, ‘cuz ya’ sold my snowmobile
And I got flaws - that’s for sure - and sometimes run amuck
But the final straw that I can’t take: Ya’ sold my pickup truck

Chorus:
You can burn the house, shoot my dog and stomp my ol’ guitar
But when you sold my pickup truck, well, Honey, ya’ went too far

Verse 2:
I didn’t care when ya’ bought that stuff on TV’s QVC
Or ‘cause ya’ always thought of me as your private Money Tree
Or catalog-orderin’ ever’thing from within ol’ Sears Roebuck
But I’ll be danged if I’ll sit still since ya’ sold my pickup truck!

Chorus:
You can burn the house, shoot my dog and stomp my ol’ guitar
But when you sold my pickup truck, well, Honey, ya’ went too far

Verse 3:
So I went and saw a gypsy gal, and a curse on you imposed
To put sand in your chewin' gum and runners in your panty hose
And all your clothes and accessories to never, ever match
And chiggers in your bed sheets - so you’ll always have to scratch!

Chorus:
You can burn the house, shoot my dog and stomp my ol’ guitar
But when you sold my pickup truck, well, Honey, ya’ went too far

Verse 4:
I seen ya’ last Saturday night at Bubba’s Bar and Grill
The image of you in stripes and checks remains within me still
And them red chigger welts upon your nose and face
Tells me that the gypsy curse is workin’ ever’ place!

Chorus:
You can burn the house, shoot my dog and stomp my ol’ guitar
But when you sold my pickup truck, well, Honey, ya’ went too far


Details | Lyric | |

TOOTH BRUSH

I didn’t scoff the grub; for pleasure and sanit I scrub. To doff trite piece of food is my calling from the wood When man meets assorted meat, I grieve for the chewing treat. I’m man’s aurora friend. Like the Ultimate man, to the very end I search for decayed morsel particle; to restore man’s fresh breath is my hustle. Cast me away and man’s teeth will hide; his tongue won’t glide – that’s my pride. I’m his quotidian servant-master adorned with creamy butter to evict stinking gums from vocal isle. Never weary, I renew his oral smile.


Details | Lyric | |

The pen is mightier than the sword

The pen is mightier than the sword

What is it about some people?
Have they no minds of all
To me their puppets on a string
As they follow all the rules
Whether they make sense at all
That’s all beside the point
They believe all that their leaders say
When it comes to the simple joint!

Our leaders they have called the shots
On this and all that matters
They come to us on the TV set
And I hear their foolish chatter
Our premier with pigeon mind
Was heard to say one day
That cannabis is a killer drug
Or almost any way.

Now I have smoked for forty years
And not once have I ever
Suffered from this gentle weed
These leaders might be clever
Or think they are, through their position
But to me they’re simply fools
But they give me cause to laugh out loud
They’re so damned comical.

23 July 2013 @ 1133hrs.


Details | Lyric | |

I Don't Have A Drinking Problem

I don’t have a drinking problem
I drink til I get drunk
Then I stumble home
    Where I live all alone
        And I diddle my own junk.
I don’t have a drinking problem
The problem is you see
When I am sober
    I look the world over
        And the world has a problem with me.

So I go to the neighborhood bar
Start with a whiskey and beer chaser
Every one of them that I belt down
Acts like a problem eraser.
All my troubles disappear
Then I fall off of the stool
I don’t see
    What the problem can be
        So, what’s the matter with you?

I don’t have a drinking problem
I drink til I get drunk
Then I stumble home
    Where I live all alone
        And I diddle my own junk.
I don’t have a drinking problem
The problem is you see
When I am sober
    I look the world over
        And the world has a problem with me.

So I go to the neighborhood bar
And put down a pint or ten
Soon all the old biddies there
Start looking beautiful again
I start flirting with the ladies
Must of’m older than me Mum
Then I pinch all the lasses
    Upon their big asses
        And get tossed out on me bum.

I don’t have a drinking problem
I drink til I get drunk
Then I stumble home
    Where I live all alone
        And I diddle my own junk.
I don’t have a drinking problem
The problem is you see
When I am sober
    I look the world over
        And the world has a problem with me.

So, I go to the neighborhood bar
Where I drink all day and night
My beer muscles start growing stronger
And I go looking for a fight
My slurred words start the trouble
My pushing eggs it on some more
I get punched in the eye
    And in my reply
        My face hits on the floor

I don’t have a drinking problem
I drink til I get drunk
Then I stumble home
    Where I live all alone
        And I diddle my own junk.
I don’t have a drinking problem
The problem is you see
When I am sober
    I look the world over
        And the world has a problem with me.


Details | Lyric | |

Santa Baby

Santa Baby won't you give me some candy tonight
Santa Baby won't you let sit on your lap snuggle 
Up close and kiss goodnight

Santa Baby I need some Christmas lovin' you see
Santa Baby how neat that you came in a box
Spruced up just for me..

Santa Baby won't you give me some candy tonight...
Nite Nite....

In honor of Carolyn..

You know..


Details | Lyric | |

Viagra and Beer

Too much Viagra and beer.
Too much Viagra and beer.
My wife was out of town,
I hit every club around.
Each time I'd hope to find
A horny woman here.

Country Bob's was the last club that was open.
Near blind drunk and horny, but I was still hopin'.
A pretty woman gave me a glance,
Smiled and said, "Nice pants.
Honey, I'm ridin' if you're ropin'."

A few hours later, I was in a Helluva mess
She's still ridin' hard and screamin', "God, this is the best!"
I was dizzy and light-headed. I had pains in my chest,
But she wouldn't stop long enough to call EMS.

When I came to, I was home in my own bed,
Next to my lovely wife; and this is what she said:
"I picked you up at Country Bob's, my dear;
And there's gonna be some changes around here.

You were fantastic last night;
So, I only think its right
If I supplement your diet 
With Viagra and beer."

Viagra and beer. Viagra and beer.
She treats me like a king,
Says I make her body sing;
So, I'm happy on my diet of Viagra and beer.

Yes, I'm happy on my diet of Viagra and beer.


Submitted by: Buzz O'Words
Written: 3/3/14


Details | Lyric | |

Country Boy, City Slicker On CD

Well, I moved into town to live like a city slicker,
Loaded my truck, found a place, and here I am,
Though a country boy has a head a bit thicker,
City life is not so hard to understand,

And I've been learnin' how to use a computor,
How to do some picture takin' with a cell phone,
How to get insurance for my truck and motor scooter,
But city life is nothing like back home,

Because where I come from, they call it the boonies,
Dirt roads, back woods, life as country as can be,
Though now I'm mixed in with all the town loonies,
They'll never take the country out of me,

Yea, I can still plant me a nice little garden,
Though not nearly as big as it use to be,
And still listen to country music, Dolly Parton,
She's on my coffee mug for all to see,

And I still get to do some dear huntin'
For those split tails runnin' 'round here,
And I make sure to keep my truck tuned and runnin'
By way of Auto Zone, or I'd run out of beer,

Yea, I livin' in the hood, straight from the boonies,
It's great be an American and free,
Though I'm mixed in good with all the town loonies,
They'll never take the country out of me,

Yea, I moved into town to live like a city slicker,
And I'm doin' the best that I can...
I can drive by Churchill Downs and hear the horses nicker,
I'm just a country boy with a city slicker plan,
I can drive by Churchill Downs and hear the horses nicker,
I'm still a country boy, yea, that's who I am,
Though a country boy has a head a bit thicker,
City life is not so hard to understand.


Details | Lyric | |

I Got No Shame

I’ma tell you folks a story
It’s all of it strait true-
It’s my story
‘bout why I’s singin’ the blues…

I awoke on a morning
Bright and shiny, night after the juke
Felt like I been kicked in tha head
And my brain had been nuked

I was rolling to the john to take my morning ’due
When I looked in tha mirr'-
As I do to shave of’n that beard
An I screamed ‘cause there was a girl!
Staring back at me blond pipe curls
Even had some pearls
I screamed and jumped back
As I fell in the toilet swirl!

I got no shame
SHAME
I got no shame 
SHAME

My Mamma yelling at me
Terrance, that bet not be a girl
Not in this house- I ain’t running no hotel
I says “No Mama, , I just had to hurl”
She said Son- “what’d I tell you about this world-”
Mama swearing in the background talking about
Callin the preacher
I hopped out the window
In all Holy Terror and Fear

I got no shame
SHAME
I got no shame
SHAME

Now, I was raised with the bible
But took another path
Follow the way of evil men 
Messing with ev’ry girl that walks past
Guess God done caught up with me
As I stand staring at my breasteses
In this very danged mirror
Where I was always and b'fore
a man for 45 year'!

Cause I had no shame
SHAME
I had no shame
SHAME!

And Lordy I been been framed-
Cause I HAD no shame


( Meant to be used in a 4/4 beat blues riff)



Details | Limerick | |

The Monster Mash

<                              dancing to the hit song monster mash
                                frankenstein and werewolf got real smashed
                                took the witches culdeen
                                and boiled up mummys spleen
                                Quasimodo joined in on the bash


                                witches brew of brains spleens gizzards hearts
                                illuminates party from it's start
                                Dracula and zombies
                                lurking for free bodies
                                poor old frankie's wife just fell apart 



                               the bewitching dance came to its end
                               when bats flew in frenzy around den 
                               on this all hallows eve
                               trickery was up sleeve
                               sent my 3 black cats in to defend