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Limerick Wife Poems | Limerick Poems About Wife

These Limerick Wife poems are examples of Limerick poems about Wife. These are the best examples of Limerick Wife poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Viagra Falls

There once was a man from Niagara
whose wiener's so long it would stab ya'

but when it got little 
his pills became skittles   
until he O.D.'d on Viagra

© ~JSLambert  2011*****A classic "stiff" competitor, standing "firm" amongst other "members" in the "thick" of the competition:) hope everyone gets "a rise" out of it!


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Cheaper To Keep Her (Divorce Club)

(Haiku)- * Motive, infidelity messing with the Queen Bee's Honey*

Queen Bee sits on throne,
Bumble and drone bees as one
Sample flowers dew

------------------------

(Limerick) - *Admission of guilt leads to compensation*

Indeed this is how the story unfolds,
Pete said, "It's a poor rat with only one hole"...
Love had taught a sad lesson;
Divorce court was now in session,
Judge rules favor, Pete's pockets full of holes...

----------------------------

(Couplet) - *Take vows seriously payback often belongs to Spouse - Queen Bee*

Love said, "Pete too late you've opened your peepers"....
"Man, you should know it was cheaper to please her"!






Submitted for P.D.'s Divorce Club Contest (Haiku-Limerick-Couplet)


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The Awwwsome Driving Lesson

The neighbors were running in fear
As into front room car did steer
What fate had approved
His words soon removed
Your parking’s improving my dear


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HEAVEN

There once was a husband in heaven
His faults per hour averaged seven
In spite of all of his rot
His wife would scold not
Ah, this husband was living in heaven!

2-14-14

Form: Limerick 
Contest: Husbands are in Heaven whose wives scold not (Top Ten Winner)
Sponsored by: Dr.Ram Mehta


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The Rogue Rhymer

There was a girl who spent too much shoppin’
The mean hubby said she best be stoppin’
So she started to mourn
But Rogue Rhymer was born
And now her checks are no longer hoppin’


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Limerick: Once a Roundsman signed a round robin

Limerick : Once a Roundsman signed a round robin

Once a Roundsman signed a round robin
To keep his men from a certain inn
Men called to tell his wife :
At inn he danced to fife
So the wife played high fife with the men*.

•	Pronounced as in England : « min ».

© T. Wignesan – Paris,  2013


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Eine kleine Nachtmusic or a little serenade

Is this Mozart's musical score
Or sonata of sounds I abhor?
I have a good ear
But I'd rather not hear
The loud notes composed when you snore


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Ode--or what's owed--to men

Shots served by Anthony’s Weiner
Are wrong and reflect bad demeanor
These tweets indiscrete
His wife Uma did cheat
And she'll take him to the cleaner 


Author's note:  My wife and I were talking about the fact that the congressman needs to feel 
as though he is loved by many women.  This is likely because he suffers from low self 
esteem.  A problem from childhood that was never addressed--just undressed.


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Girl in my Class

There once was a girl in my class.
One day I tried to make a pass.
My cheek still sting,
My ears still ring,
Yet married to me; Alas!


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Nanticoke Living

wife and I are living in Nanticoke
my wife and I aren’t rich nor are we broke
she’s working more than I am at this time
being the man of the house is no crime
my third marriage isn’t a joke


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Valentine Exchange

a limerick

No longer sweehearts, but I need a gift.
For just a day can we forego our rift?
You get me a puppy dog;
I'll buy you a marble frog.
On Valentine morn, exchange will be swift.

I'll treasure the frog, hand-picked and hand made;
you'll dote on your puppy without charade.
The gifts are no bother
we'll share with each other.
Just be glad, I didn't choose a grenade.

 
 


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Husbands Are in Heaven Whose Wives Scold Not

All night I dream of life without wife,
Peaceful and heavenly, without any strife .
No scolding, no nagging,
Like ‘sake’ I’m having.
Alas! Its morning and gone my life.

Dt.  23/02/14


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My wife

  MY WIFE

A bitch
A witch
Necessary evil begin.
Needed her once,
Now yet  to kill her
  An unfortunate 
sin.

Her womb
A vessel
I  and she needs to fill.
 Yet menopause insanity
My wife should her find a cure pill.

My wife …she’s over the hill
Again, want to kill
thou shalt
cant not fulfill.
From  killing her, I should find a cure pill.

My wife
A good cleaner
Diner maker
Betty Crocker
Cake baker.

No compare
Brittany spears shaker
What a sexy shaker
But my wife
Hate her,

She’s moody
Unpredictable
A Dracula queen.

Cant stand her anger
Raging housewife mean
A mean machine
I cant  stand her being.


Besides she no longer fit
Those tight 
Blue jeans.

She lost her sheen
Gray skin
Unclean
A bitch
A witch 
yet to kill her 
unfortunate
Sin.

My wife, never should have
Let it ever begin.


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Roman Wedlock

A baby, pious, was born by aide
He named it Gaias, and felt like a jade
While he cried,
Cause mommy died.
His wife hired yet another maid. 


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That's What Mothers Are For

Will you choose your mother or me
Asked wife who would not let it be
As I said oh brother
Sought help from another
And I called her mother to see


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The Wife

My wife says things to me
Assuming my minds orderly
I pretend I don't listen
She can clean her own Nissan
And stop treating me like her skivvy


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You

And if I were some hair locks, you would be shampoo
Now if I were a swimmer, use you as canoe
Gee! But on second thoughts;
I will perhaps not.
Ever would I get the timber, light enough like you?

And if I were student, you I would construe,
Now if I were painting, I’ll try to paint you.
Gee! But on second thoughts;
I will perhaps not.
Ever would I get the colors, pretty enough for you?

And if I was a biker, you would be tattoo,
New morning grass I walk on, you glisten like the dew
Gee! But on second thoughts;
It will perhaps not.
Ever would there be water, pure enough like you?

And if I were a movie star, you would be debut,
Now if I were some cook, you would be my stew.
Gee! But on second thoughts;
It will perhaps not.
Ever would I get vegetables, fresh enough like you?

And if I wrote a mystery, you would be my clue,
Now if I had a balcony, you would be my view.
Gee! But on second thoughts;
I will perhaps not.
Ever would I imagine something wonderful as you?

And if were too lonely, we will together coo 
Now should I say I love you, without further ado?
Gee! But on second thoughts;
I will perhaps not.
Easy, it would seem too easy, I just like to pursue.  


Details | Limerick | |

Scared Clean

Scared Clean

A gentleman wanting to scare
His wife, started out getting quite bare
Climbed into the machine
That got his clothes clean
To wait for his wife to get there

When his wife finally opened the lid
Of the washing machine in which he hid
She was really surprised
By the look in his eyes
And not because of something he did

You see, curled up, this man with no clothes
His muscles and joints simply froze
In spite of his tussle
Could not budge a muscle
No matter the movement he chose

The wife had to call 911
To get her poor husband undone
As they tried not to laugh
With an olive oil bath
His freedom he finally one

And just what did we learn from this man?
It is something you must understand.
Don’t wedge yourself in
In a laundry bin
Just because you think you can

And even within you own house
Playing hide and seek with your own spouse
If scared’s what you’re after
And not just her laughter
Getting naked I would not espouse

Uncle Mike


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Limerick: Once a Dapper Diplomat in Paris

Limerick : Once a Dapper Diplomat in Paris

Once a Dapper Diplomat in Paris
Took to « wife » a Man for his Mrs.
« She » wanted a Baby
« She » married a Lady
Now Diplomat has Wife minus His.

© T. Wignesan – Paris,  2013


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BOOMERANG HUSBAND'S PURR


                                      Jaunty can't live without her
                                          for silly matters deter
                                         actually he loves much 
                                       gone from home no touch
                                       boomerang husband's purr







Note: Sorry, this is my first limerick


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Remains and Residue of Love

56 years. 

Now he lives on the 8th floor, 
she lives on the sixth. 

2 floors, 
two buttons, 
and 20 feet away. 


He travels 
by cane. 

Relieved 
they don't make those things 
out of saw-dust, 
she lives 

2 buttons, 
two floors, 
and 20 feet away. 


Too much momentum 
to spin her attempts, 
he waits for her guide downstairs.

Paces in front of the window each day, 
and when she makes her move, 
he hurries down 
-well, he tries- 
so she won’t assemble outside, 
unaccompanied. 

Always wondered what they talked about, 
perhaps the loss of their only daughter 
thirty years ago. 

perhaps not.

That other day 
she sat alone, 
and I thought 

... he may have just had taken a nap... 
and as she rested there waiting, 

she joined him, 
in the only way she could.



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Wives

Now wives they are ladies of note
Many poems on them have been wrote
It would seem every day
That all they want us to say
Is I Love You that’s their favourite quote


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Trouble In Paradise

I once knew a man from the city
Whose girlfriends were all very pretty
He did live a charmed life
Till found out by his wife
Where she kicked him at was a pity!


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Bald love

The shallow water at our feet
Grains of sand reflecting heat
Sunshine on our skin and in your hair
Your hand on my bald head but you don’t care

Tenderly rubbing sun block and a kiss
On top of my head like a holy bliss
But God I’m happy that you’ve  seen 
how handsome I was at seventeen


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State Fair

There once was a woman named Shar,
Who went to her local State Fair,
Her husband came too,
Can't say no to you,
And they were quickly thrown out of there


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The Appointments

Oh doctor my wife won’t you see
I think she is cheating on me
Said doctor to fuss
Of course I’ll discuss
She’ll be with me just after three


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The Minister's Alibi

The ministers wife was annoyed,
When he a young miss had decoyed.
"But," said the preacher,
"I'm trying to teach her
The practices she must avoid!"

Written by my wife Vera Selena Hinshaw
© All Rights Reserved


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Arthur

Arthur

I recall my poor uncle Arthur
sitting on the stoop drinking vodka.
Aunt Martha pulled a shiv;
said he just couldn’t live,
then she boiled his cirrhotic liver

©Kathryn McLoughlin Collins


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Late Night Snack

I snuck to the fridge to eat a bite
Ever so quietly late at night
I couldn't see where to go
I screamed when I stumped my toe
My wife called the cops then turned on the light

They sent a cop that kicked in my door
Threw me and my wife both on the floor
 I had embarrassed us both
That cop ate my wife's meatloaf
And now I'm hungry and my toe is sore


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Looks Are Pert Nigh Everything

An old childhood chum named Red Booker,
Fell in love and was married to quite a looker.
She caused men to stare,
But old Red didn't care,
Because everywhere she went, he took her.


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Needle in the Hay

I get up at the break of day
Determined to have my way
But I’m just a man
Married men understand
That’s like finding a needle in hay

She starts out all happy and gay
But I know that soon something I say
Will make her turn moody
Do you think I’ll get booty
That’s like finding a needle in hay

If I treat her just right, I may
If not she will simply say nay
Finding words that are right
Before bedtime tonight
That’s like finding a needle in hay

Guys, you all know what they say
Where there’s a will there’s a way
Am I willing – you bet
But my chance I regret
That’s like finding a needle in hay

Mdailey	3/7/12




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I Miss My Wife

I miss my wife but I can’t say why.
She has always been here to harass me.
I miss her sneer 
and I wish her sneer
Would come back home and nag me.


Details | Limerick | |

Keep Private

My heart, I gave to my wife.
In exchange, she gave me her life.
                    Many times, it may seem
                    as if we’re living a dream.
But, in fact we’re hiding our strife.

See, like others that live out their lives;
Men and women, husbands and wives,
	You must swallow your pride.
	Those bad things, you must hide.
In public, stop throwing those knives.

So, the moral of the limerick, this day 
is to live your life, not on display.
	Do not quarrel outdoors
	For it should be indoors
Keep private the things you two say!