There once was a man from Niagara
whose wiener's so long it would stab ya'
but when it got little
his pills became skittles
until he O.D.'d on Viagra
© ~JSLambert 2011*****A classic "stiff" competitor, standing "firm" amongst other "members" in the "thick" of the competition:) hope everyone gets "a rise" out of it!
There once was a raven haired Shrink
Who had orange Juice Tequilas to drink
While her scarlet souled Beau
Sucked her tinted red Toe
And she paled when he tickled her Pink.
Do you love me?
or love me not?
You told me once,
But i forgot.
So tell me once,
and tell me twice,
and i will tell you,
that i love you.
I do believe,
that God above,
for me to love.
He chose you out,
from all the rest,
because he knew,
I'd love you best.
She spots a sniffling hottie by her gate
They learn their flight will be three hours late
After a few rounds at the pub
They board and join the Mile High Club
Then the poor dame sneezed for a whole week straight
*For Gwen's contest :)
< Once was a gal shopped all garage sales
Nuts ~ bolts ~ screws ~ all found in one big pail
Husband said had nice rack
Wife turns ~ gives him.... good smack
Loaded - buckshot - and - boy - did - he .... wail
A Poets Garage Sale
When Kate arrived in a dipped red frock
Her date’s toupee flew off, black from shock;
When asked, “you’re really bald?”
His face whitened and stalled,
“I’m comic you see, one of my props.”
A mouse at dinner poked the blondish chick
Aghast was she; pink face grew sick.
Guy planned a witty threat
Stuffed wig on Kate’s cream breast;
Then meowed at the rat until it squeaked.
Lisa Cooper’s Tickle Me Contest
We went for a walk on the beach
His hand for my hand did reach
It seemed like forever
A marriage proposal he did beseech.
He spoke again said you’re squeezing my hand
As my feet felt like led in the sand
I stopped in my track
Felt my smile crack
Then he showed me the wedding band.
I could no longer contain my feeling
Inside I would have hit the ceiling
Of course I said yes
To his great request
And now my heart he is stealing.
For contest “Loveland Limerick”
Once I had a girlfriend and ex-wife.
Two ladies at the same time in life,
Mistake I made this day.
Not proud in anyway.
First mistake, second retake in strife,
Girlfriend I gave flowers for the day.
Ex-wife and I married, oui evay,
Messed up my life again,
Not knowing where I’d been.
Girlfriend forlorn, wrong card I did play.
Ex-wife left me, I got just deserts.
Got what I deserved for all my flirts.
Valentine’s Day, bad karma,
Cupid dealt me, my dharma,
Disengaging me of all subverts.
Sponsor Francine Roberts
Contest Name Valentine's Day Limerick
< once there was old woman on the prowl
found younger man and begun to howl
under silvery moon
fead him with baby spoon
now stomach does goo goo gah gah grawls
Written By Katherine Stella
Entry For Dr. Ram's Cougar Effect Contest
There once was a gal name of June.
Who wanted to kiss and to spoon.
She made a big splatter
falling off a tall ladder.
When she married the man in the moon.
Her wedding of course was in June.
She wanted to marry him soon..
She started to chatter
but that didn't matter.
Their life was so much a cartoon.
The man in the moon liked to croon.
He liked to sing songs about June.
But nothing was sadder
when he made her madder.
Singing not of "June" but of June.
To get on her good side Old Lune.
Flew June to the moon via balloon.
But she was much fatter
and emptied her bladder.
Now he looked like a baboon.
To end this wild tale about June.
Know the man in the moon made her swoon
He heard her feet patter
when she mixed cake batter.
Turning into butterfly from cocoon.