There once was a man from Niagara
whose wiener's so long it would stab ya'
but when it got little
his pills became skittles
until he O.D.'d on Viagra
© ~JSLambert 2011*****A classic "stiff" competitor, standing "firm" amongst other "members" in the "thick" of the competition:) hope everyone gets "a rise" out of it!
Princess just wants a new car.
I have told her that hers will go far.
'Oh, it's really not cool
driving this crap to school.'
'Do I need that emotional scar? '
'The kids will all laugh at the rust.
When we race, I'll be left in the dust!
I will save up some cash
then we'll make a mad dash
to the car dealer surely you trust'.
'He will make us a wonderful deal
and I'm sure you will know how I feel.
I will love you so much,
My siblings... I won't touch.
Just get me behind a new wheel'!
Now she'll be cruisin in style.
She'll be happy for only awhile.
There will always be better
and we'll try hard to get her
a car that will make princess smile.
For who is this poetry destroyer
A cop, but who else would employ her?
As she spies no end
No poet, she pretends
Vanilla ice in leopard skin fur.
You ask If I want mommies hug
wouldn’t that be nice, lovely and snug
You just want to hold me
Under that great oak tree
And kiss me on your picnic rug
You want the vultures to enjoy
My sweet flesh, is that your ploy?
Wanting to be them
Eyeing up my sweet gem
Tell the truth, you just want a toy boy
Well our future together would be bright
Injets, pens and cartridges in sight
You’d color me in
Goodness what a sin
As I would always do the best write
Hang up your gloves as your are weak
You are also classed as an antique
A low blow I know
Don’t cry, don’t go
You can come back with a new technique.
If I don’t hear from the poetry cop
I will know I have come out on top
Good bye little girl
Give us one more twirl
Now, this should be the final full stop (.)!
P.D, this is the first one ive done. Took me a while. Very good fun though. I kind of limit’s
Abusive soul who tormented my heart
I didn’t wait for us to drift apart
I found inner strength at last
So don’t look at me aghast
You’re merely a crumb on my heart’s pie chart
A defumigator removed your scent
Into the trash all your hunting boots went
And those ghastly deer “trophies”
Ablaze with your spoiled green cheese
Your firearms too in the bonfire were sent
Valentine, let me give it to you straight
Goodwill came by for the very last crate
Maker’s Mark* for the homeless
Now that’s ironic justice
Hope your new home in the tent is just great
You wrecked my car and destroyed my credit
So you got off easy from where I sit
Not that you had much to lose
Just hair, weight, someone to use
Cupid aims, may your hemorrhoids get hit!
*Maker’s Mark is expensive whiskey
Entry for Sidney~Lee Ann’s valentine to an ex-lover contest
Written January 17, 2012
On Valentines day you broke my heart.
Having an affair wasn't too smart.
Something inside me died.
"Forgive me", you cried.
"Without you I will fall apart"
From your tainted love I have flown.
You thought I wouldn't make it on my own.
Now you see you were wrong.
Without you I am strong.
I would have left sooner had I known.
I bet you wish that I was still yours.
Life's so much better since I closed those doors.
Life is now sugary sweet.
Breathlessly swept off my feet.
Captured my heart is a man who adores.
Written by: Cecilia Macfarlane Jan 27/12
For Sidney ~ LeeAnn contest : A Valentine Limerick
Who am I, oh, who am I?
Just a poser child Borderline?
A series of bold contradictions
Led on by doctors false predictions
Diagnosing all the time...
Angry outbursts fill the air,
Throwing objects everywhere,
They drug me up, because they're lazy
It's too much work to help the crazy
I hate the pills, but they don't care
Take the drugs, and you'll feel better,
We'll smoke some bud, and chill together
But even if I smoked the weed
Surely that's not all I need
The lovely high won't last forever
I get attatached to everyone,
But when they get too close, I run
So many arrows in my heart
Cupid shoots, but then I part
Not phased by all the wrong I've done
So put me on more medication,
I'll throw in some dedication,
But even then it's not enough
This emptiness is still too tough
All that's left is contemplation
Their once was a girl in love
She knew he was sent from above
They danced, they sing they did everthing
But then he deflated in the tub
Do you love me?
or love me not?
You told me once,
But i forgot.
So tell me once,
and tell me twice,
and i will tell you,
that i love you.
I do believe,
that God above,
for me to love.
He chose you out,
from all the rest,
because he knew,
I'd love you best.
My tour made me really content
I was pleased with where I was being sent
The Air Force said go
I couldn't say no
so over to Scotland I went.
The tour could not have been better
I knew SHE was the one when I met her
It really was strange
How my whole life would change
cause I knew I would never forget her.
My time in Scotland I'll never forget
I've never been to a nicer place yet
I bought home a wife
she's the love of my life
so to Scotland I owe a great debt.
Splendour smooth sound that sounded severally sometime ago,
Smoothly stealthy sensating my soul.
Sound sounding second by second significantly,
saying ''I love you Thabiso'' not even swallowing a single saliva spit.
Sweet semibreve singsong sounding siphoned from sun set side.
Sexy but not sex slavish,
Just sound sizzling like a snake hizzling.
When slamming slang its signs that theres something serious.
Smooth sound not simple to slay or slip someone slow or solvenly.
Slender with smashing smile and sound splitting my feelings into smithreens.
Soften sonare that sneaks me sodden,meaning saturated.
Souvenir sound deserving sovereign.
Sound sounding smooth like special strings playing in sovereign's ceremony,
spick and span spontaneously stabling spirit putting stamina,
not from stammer but someone stimulating,stupendous,streamlining.
Stereophonic sound that makes me sweat.
I'm not swagging its just that i still remember her sweet swansong swaying
systematic sound as if it sounds from someone from synagogue.
Since from this voice appeared in my dreams.
I stoped snoring and started to have sweet dreams in my sleep.
You will never know when its the end,
but after telling that''I'm in love with the voice''its the end.
This was just a deram