There once was a man from Niagara
whose wiener's so long it would stab ya'
but when it got little
his pills became skittles
until he O.D.'d on Viagra
© ~JSLambert 2011*****A classic "stiff" competitor, standing "firm" amongst other "members" in the "thick" of the competition:) hope everyone gets "a rise" out of it!
Princess just wants a new car.
I have told her that hers will go far.
'Oh, it's really not cool
driving this crap to school.'
'Do I need that emotional scar? '
'The kids will all laugh at the rust.
When we race, I'll be left in the dust!
I will save up some cash
then we'll make a mad dash
to the car dealer surely you trust'.
'He will make us a wonderful deal
and I'm sure you will know how I feel.
I will love you so much,
My siblings... I won't touch.
Just get me behind a new wheel'!
Now she'll be cruisin in style.
She'll be happy for only awhile.
There will always be better
and we'll try hard to get her
a car that will make princess smile.
Charmaine is the sweetest young lady
But her wee one's been driving her crazy
She can't keep up
It's overflowing her cup
She's really not getting a lot of sleep lately
© Jack Ellison 2015
Theresa Marie lives in the cold frozen north
To venture outside she bundles up of course
With parkas and mukluks
Though temperatures sucks
This hearty young sweetie ventures forth
© Jack Ellison 2014
For who is this poetry destroyer
A cop, but who else would employ her?
As she spies no end
No poet, she pretends
Vanilla ice in leopard skin fur.
You ask If I want mommies hug
wouldn’t that be nice, lovely and snug
You just want to hold me
Under that great oak tree
And kiss me on your picnic rug
You want the vultures to enjoy
My sweet flesh, is that your ploy?
Wanting to be them
Eyeing up my sweet gem
Tell the truth, you just want a toy boy
Well our future together would be bright
Injets, pens and cartridges in sight
You’d color me in
Goodness what a sin
As I would always do the best write
Hang up your gloves as your are weak
You are also classed as an antique
A low blow I know
Don’t cry, don’t go
You can come back with a new technique.
If I don’t hear from the poetry cop
I will know I have come out on top
Good bye little girl
Give us one more twirl
Now, this should be the final full stop (.)!
P.D, this is the first one ive done. Took me a while. Very good fun though. I kind of limit’s
Who am I, oh, who am I?
Just a poser child Borderline?
A series of bold contradictions
Led on by doctors false predictions
Diagnosing all the time...
Angry outbursts fill the air,
Throwing objects everywhere,
They drug me up, because they're lazy
It's too much work to help the crazy
I hate the pills, but they don't care
Take the drugs, and you'll feel better,
We'll smoke some bud, and chill together
But even if I smoked the weed
Surely that's not all I need
The lovely high won't last forever
I get attatached to everyone,
But when they get too close, I run
So many arrows in my heart
Cupid shoots, but then I part
Not phased by all the wrong I've done
So put me on more medication,
I'll throw in some dedication,
But even then it's not enough
This emptiness is still too tough
All that's left is contemplation
Abusive soul who tormented my heart
I didn’t wait for us to drift apart
I found inner strength at last
So don’t look at me aghast
You’re merely a crumb on my heart’s pie chart
A defumigator removed your scent
Into the trash all your hunting boots went
And those ghastly deer “trophies”
Ablaze with your spoiled green cheese
Your firearms too in the bonfire were sent
Valentine, let me give it to you straight
Goodwill came by for the very last crate
Maker’s Mark* for the homeless
Now that’s ironic justice
Hope your new home in the tent is just great
You wrecked my car and destroyed my credit
So you got off easy from where I sit
Not that you had much to lose
Just hair, weight, someone to use
Cupid aims, may your hemorrhoids get hit!
*Maker’s Mark is expensive whiskey
Entry for Sidney~Lee Ann’s valentine to an ex-lover contest
Written January 17, 2012
On Valentines day you broke my heart.
Having an affair wasn't too smart.
Something inside me died.
"Forgive me", you cried.
"Without you I will fall apart"
From your tainted love I have flown.
You thought I wouldn't make it on my own.
Now you see you were wrong.
Without you I am strong.
I would have left sooner had I known.
I bet you wish that I was still yours.
Life's so much better since I closed those doors.
Life is now sugary sweet.
Breathlessly swept off my feet.
Captured my heart is a man who adores.
Written by: Cecilia Macfarlane Jan 27/12
For Sidney ~ LeeAnn contest : A Valentine Limerick
Their once was a girl in love
She knew he was sent from above
They danced, they sing they did everthing
But then he deflated in the tub
Do you love me?
or love me not?
You told me once,
But i forgot.
So tell me once,
and tell me twice,
and i will tell you,
that i love you.
I do believe,
that God above,
for me to love.
He chose you out,
from all the rest,
because he knew,
I'd love you best.
My tour made me really content
I was pleased with where I was being sent
The Air Force said go
I couldn't say no
so over to Scotland I went.
The tour could not have been better
I knew SHE was the one when I met her
It really was strange
How my whole life would change
cause I knew I would never forget her.
My time in Scotland I'll never forget
I've never been to a nicer place yet
I bought home a wife
she's the love of my life
so to Scotland I owe a great debt.
Is never a crime so earn me awhole.
For all whom thoughts were crack in noon,
And still do not think is right left being dumb.
Would in pre-nuptial undertaken sauntered, when lifted'd had imagined what the world is of its own. If it's a wistful pan of several host or A spiteful mine of volcanic tusks?
Splendour smooth sound that sounded severally sometime ago,
Smoothly stealthy sensating my soul.
Sound sounding second by second significantly,
saying ''I love you Thabiso'' not even swallowing a single saliva spit.
Sweet semibreve singsong sounding siphoned from sun set side.
Sexy but not sex slavish,
Just sound sizzling like a snake hizzling.
When slamming slang its signs that theres something serious.
Smooth sound not simple to slay or slip someone slow or solvenly.
Slender with smashing smile and sound splitting my feelings into smithreens.
Soften sonare that sneaks me sodden,meaning saturated.
Souvenir sound deserving sovereign.
Sound sounding smooth like special strings playing in sovereign's ceremony,
spick and span spontaneously stabling spirit putting stamina,
not from stammer but someone stimulating,stupendous,streamlining.
Stereophonic sound that makes me sweat.
I'm not swagging its just that i still remember her sweet swansong swaying
systematic sound as if it sounds from someone from synagogue.
Since from this voice appeared in my dreams.
I stoped snoring and started to have sweet dreams in my sleep.
You will never know when its the end,
but after telling that''I'm in love with the voice''its the end.
This was just a deram
Just a text to say i love you
I cant help it there's nothing i can do.
You are my best friend
And my love for you will never end.
I just want to know if you love me too
Linda the queen of Winda is in the swing of moods
She keeps the little dove on swing, on her eggs she broods
Little dove gives her a letter
God has written “you’re go-getter"
And soon you'll be better “the dove's eggs are your dudes"
The weeny dove goes to the queen with the full of beans
Eggs are brattling love is crackling and the dance begins
Dovelets jump to the queen's lap
Sweet queen Linda, you’re not in trap"
"Snow is melting; God is pelting love at your sheens"
Queen of Winda, sweetest Linda sits on a satin
In the light of candle her tresses glisten in preen
Dovelets dance around Linda
And Maramba and Bellinda
With a kinda smell of river Linda goes to teen
Contest: Fighting Depression(poems for PD)
Sponsored by: Shadow Hamilton
WE ARE PRAYING FOR LINDA.ALL ARE PRAYING FOR LINDA.PRAYER HAS CONCENTRATED POWER. THE PRAYER WILL MAKE LINDA OKAY.WE ALL LOVE LINDA. LINDA IS LOVE. MAY GOD GIVE HER INNER PEACE. SANTIH SANTIH SANTIH
Shelia is so fine,
She smells like wine,
Or maybe whiskey,
Real cheap whiskey;
But she is so fine.
There once was a monkey named Frank
Who loved to walk the plank
He said too many jokes
Pulled too many hoaxe-s
Ha! Ha! Ha! Then he got a good spank
Who's that monkey in front of me
I dare to hang with you on a tree
Oh! What I do? Will you do?
Together we are like glue
Is that my flea or your flea?
~ Skat ~
There once was a garden in Thomaston
But all the hidden flaws show now in sun
Bombarded by winter cold
Delicate Easter dress bold
Became frozen, tattered, falling undone
Now that lovely garden in Thomaston
Back in early spring's golden rays of sun
Rose blooms, tulips open tips
Flawless are flowers no thrips
Remember Rose Trellis_ love's embrace spun
Just what is unspeakable love?
Is it love sent from heaven above?
With its prefix of “un,”
is this love then just one
I’m simply not able to speak OF?
For Adeleke Adeite's Contest:
Unspeakable Love (Limerick)
Remember, my sweet Valentine,
the moment you said you'd be mine.
A rug by the fire,
we shared our desire
and pledged that our hearts should entwine.
For Poet Destroyer's Valentine Competition.
Enticed of love’s glove on sandy beach
Enhanced of love two lover’s beseech
~Sand between the toes
~Graceful love thus glows
Love’s advice in the wind…they seek each!
As ripple tide to the moon has not lied
By two lover's bide, two soul wills confide
~Amidst suds of salt
~Soul loves finds not fault
Like water the bride flows in the groom’s pride
From beginning dawn of celestial blue
True love’s marriage, clever, is never through
~Two lover’s sweet stroll
~Twilight’s blue is gold
Love’s current, no deterrent, pitching woo
Written by John Moses Freeman
For and in honor of Linda Marie
You perfected your lies to an art.
You succeeded in breaking my heart.
I shed not one tear,
for the hour is near,
when arsenic will keep us apart.
A NEW BUNDLE OF JOY JUST ARRIVED
MOMMY AND DAD ARE BOTH BEAMING WITH PRIDE
INSTEAD OF A PRINCESS, PINK,
A LITTLE LAD SMILED WITH A WINK
THINK THE ULTRASOUND MESSED UP AND LIED.
RON AND I ARE SO HAPPY TO BE
GRANDPARENTS AGAIN TO SPOIL WITH GLEE
7 POUNDS, 7 OUNCES
22 INCHES HE BOUNCES
TIME TO EXCHANGE PINK THINGS FOR BLUE SHOPPING SPREE.
* A GRAND DAY FOR OUR FAMILY SOUPERS.
*PLEASE SHARE OUR HAPPY MOMENT WITH THIS NEW BABY BOY.
*BORN 11:22 A.M. EST ON SAT., SEPT.22ND .. ERIC CHRISTIAN...
*WE FEEL AND ARE SO BLESSED LUV ...
Her hair as red as a flame
Her lips were colored the same
… That Irish Lass
… So full of sass
He’s wonderin’ if she’d take his name?
Her to him: “You’ve got a crust!
With courtin’ and dowry a must …
… in wooin’ I’ll naught
… ever be caught
Afore me name I’d adjust!”
“Oh, wee lassie, please see:
‘T is you - the woman for me
… I’ve 10,000 wells
… of oil I sells
Marry me”, he said on one knee.
“Oh! My! I see you’re sincere
My name change … it’s drawing near
… ‘bout that oil …
… can’t let it spoil!
Now … what’s my new last name, me dear?
A distinguish old gent picked up tricks.
On Halloween, he went for a treat.
He staggered up the street.
Hips swaying g-stringed a drag queen!
Penned on May 05, 2014.
Let Him Go (Limerick)
Our mom told us how she chose her beau,
With an “eeny, meeny, miny, moe!”
Of course it didn’t last,
With a choice so half-assed!
But at least it taught the fool to grow!
Child Support (Haiku)
Had placed us in the middle
Of their divorce wars
He left her to fend for us alone, blasé with his remiss,
She chose to break this conjugal bond without marital bliss.
For (Destroyer ((Poet’s ~DIVORCE CLUB~ Contest
Oh, honey, your lover’s a jerk;
I promise it really can’t work -
As he’s married, of course,
And he wouldn’t divorce -
I’d deck him* and wipe off his smirk.
* to punch someone hard and knock them to the ground
For Vicky’s Agony Aunt contest
Putting someone's needs before your own
Sharing your thoughts, never feeling alone
A tenderness so sweet
That sweeps you off your feet
A joined journey into the unknown.
It's unbridled passion that does consume
When their scent becomes your perfume
Smiles lit from within
Life finally can begin
Two peas in a pod that grow full bloom
Being your real self with no pretense
Filled with ardor, the joy so immense
It's butterflies galore
Can't wait for what's in store
Heart open wide, no longer on defence.
There was a bearded Irish man
who had the very largest hand
whose fingers plunged
when my hips lunged
all his digits at my command.
A lways will I remember this day
P riceless memories are here to stay
R euniting with you
I ncredible and true
L ove and laughter will light our way
F oolish to think we could be apart
O nly you has possession of my heart
O bviously your mine
L avishly entwined
S ealed to each other, never to depart