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Limerick Humorous Poems | Limerick Poems About Humorous

These Limerick Humorous poems are examples of Limerick poems about Humorous. These are the best examples of Limerick Humorous poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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HE'S SMOKIN'

Sir Henry was playing his flute He also was smoking cheroot But when his attire Was soon caught on fire I’m guessing he’s not so astute! 04~18~15 Contest: Famous Einstein Quotes – John Freeman Albert Einstein Quote ‘The only source of knowledge is experience’ ~awarded 1st place~

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2015

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Ice Cube Pie

I always wanted two slices of ice cube pie
“You only get one”, was the standard reply.
I don’t know why I did
But since I was a kid
It was my favorite treat on the Fourth of July.

The pastry is known by all our relations
Since the recipe’s passed down for generations.
Every bite you’ll savoir
Exceptional flavor
But remember, don’t settle for imitations

Long ago, my great Aunt tried experiments
By leaving out one of the ingredients.
Once Uncle took a bite 
He stared out in fright
And barely survived that bad experience.

My oldest son, Johnny became quite wise
He grew up like the others, before our eyes.
His passion for confection
Was a gainful connection
When he opened the first ice cube pie franchise.

Soon after that, we made our first million
And played in the sun with friendly Brazilians.
But to our surprise
We saw ice cube pies
On bamboo platters next to our pavilion

Right away we knew this was an infraction
Without delay our family took action.
We found a private eye
Who loved our ice pie
But his research left him broken in traction.

It was apparent to us that that kind of job
Was endorsed by the brutal ice cube pie mob.
But we didn’t frown
Or give up and back down
We were going to prevail; oh, yes siree, Bob!

With a meeting of minds we gathered resources
And then undersigned the following courses.
To make sure our ices
Sold at cut-rate prices
To knock competition off its high horses.

So back at the shop we assembled platoons
To build enough pies to reach to the moons.
And made plenty dough
That allowed us to mow
Down the cube racket’s, knuckle dragging goons.

We now manage an ice cube pie monopoly
Sales started smooth, but then turned choppily.
So we eased the frustration
With another vacation
But guess what we saw in downtown Mexicali?!


Copyright © David Fisher | Year Posted 2013

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HAPPINESS

There once was a young man called Rodger Who's very transfixed with his todger From morning till night He gets his delight Now he shares his bed with his lodger 29 ~12~14

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2014

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JUICY FRUIT

A busty young lady from Peel Her boobies she couldn't conceal They were such a huge size That she won a first prize For the fruit men most wanted to feel 7th April 2015 I made a bit of a boob on the 2nd line - thanks Paul Callus for your advice

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2015

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TO THE POET WHO BROKE MY HEART DW

We were ‘married’ on poetry soup I kept my hubby right in the loop I still rue the day That you went away I need to dry my tears and regroup Loved your humour right from the start I miss you with all of my heart Want you to come back Get you in the sack* Then they’ll never tear us apart! * In case you are wondering … Darren and I are simply amazing friends and this is a cheeky line from one of the last mails he sent me in October. I miss you my lovely friend 2nd February 2015 Contest: A Valentine Limerick SKAT A

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2015

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One Mermaid's Lesson

A merman had one stubborn daughter who rebelled against what her dad taught her. When she swam to dry land, she could then understand she was just like a fish - out of water! For the Out of Water Poetry Contest of Sheri Fresonke Harper

Copyright © Andrea Dietrich | Year Posted 2015

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Pot Head

There’s a poet who thinks we are not

such great writers, yet she’s not that hot!

What that smarty pants spoke

was like saying to coke,

“You’re illegal” when SHE’S like pure pot!


For the the Dumb and Dumber Personal quotes Poetry Contest

I always liked the expression "The pot calling the kettle black"
but because of its racial overtones, a guy did a blog in which 
a person identified as Celyn came up with this alternative more politically
correct quote: "Like the pot calling the coke illegal." It really struck
me as clever, and to me it went really well with this situation that I
describe in my limerick, which, sadly, I have seen more than just a 
time or two,  here at Soup.

Copyright © Andrea Dietrich | Year Posted 2015

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LUCIFER and HOOCH

LUCIFER'S gullet was as parched as hell!

   He said, "Lord, some cold HOOCH, would do me well!"

      Lord said, "In thy condition,

         Smoldering in perdition,

            Not a snowball's chance in the place ye dwell!"

Entry for Catie Lindsey's  "L&H Limericks" Contest 

Took First Place in the contest.

Copyright © Robert L. Hinshaw | Year Posted 2015

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THE ADVENTURES OF JIM THE TRIM-AT THE BEACH

On this tropical beach, one hot summer day
Jim the Trim came, his bod to display
Been workin’ out day and night
Made the girls' eyes burn bright
Next, he's running from muscles that sashay





KIM PATRICE NUNEZ
10 April 2015

Copyright © Kim Patrice Nunez | Year Posted 2015

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DO YOU FANCY A ROLL

A pretty young lass from Dover Just loved to get her leg over A quick roll in the hay Any time night or day Her boyfriend is in spring clover 02~28~ 2015 checked with how many syllables 8 8 6 6 8 Contest: Spring forward - Debbie Guzzi ~awarded 6th place~

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2015

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THE ADVENTURES OF JIM THE TRIM - IN AN ISLET

Jim, now rich, bought a wee li’l islet;
there he lived, with ten men and a starlet.
Changed his partner each day,
heaved and huffed till they say,
the islet is now, the town named Scarlet.





---------------------------------------------




The story's not over, he's not decadent.
Send away the men, he just simply can’t;
they built the town housing,
the roads and some building
for starlet Scarlet, whom the islet was meant.




21 April 2015
Humorous Poetry Contest - 4th Place
Sponsor : Thomas Martin

Copyright © Kim Patrice Nunez | Year Posted 2015

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Andrea's Poem Buffet - Tribute Limerick

A Lyrical Chef we'll call 'Dre',
whips up Writes for her Poem buffet.
She bakes Words into Rhyme
and roasts Prose in the time
it takes most just to cook a Cliché!



************************
This limerick was written for 
my Soup buddy Andrea Dietrich. 
Thank you for your positive 
input and excellent support - 
you are appreciated!. xoxo

Copyright © Lycia Harding | Year Posted 2015

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BORED IN MANHATTAN NOT FOR CONTEST

I was bored in Manhattan that day So decided to pay for a lay He was handsome and young And was VERY well hung I walked like John Wayne all of the day Thanks to James Fraser's Bored In Manhattan poem for the inspiration! 27th December 2015

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2015

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HE'S BENT

I feel terribly sorry for Rodger He developed a kink in his todger It looked such a sight when bent to the right that his poor wife ran off with the lodger! Submitted to Any poem (not for contest) Sponsored by Broken Wings 1st January 2016

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2016

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Be Careful what you Hook

  I once heard of a fisher Luciano,
  who sang bass as he played on his piano.
  Once he fished and cast his line
  by mistake hooked his behind
  since that day, when he plays he sings soprano.

  How many syllables.com
  11, 11, 7, 7, 11
  
  11.11.2014
  Sponsor Roy Jerden
  Limericks Clean and Clever 

Copyright © Brenda Meier-Hans | Year Posted 2014

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Bordeaux Rouge

A hot redhead there was from Bordeaux
Did she have the red fire down below?
   When she let her skirt gape
   And the rug matched the drape
It set thirty-five Frenchmen aglow

Copyright © Roy Jerden | Year Posted 2013

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HERBIE RIDES AGAIN

Two autos both tried to have sex. A pity they both were such wrecks! With great apprehension, One lost its suspension. Old banger sex – oh so complex! 12~21~14 Contest: East Jesus Sponsor: Roy Jerden Checked using how many Syllables 8,8,6,6,8 ~awarded 3rd place~

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2014

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A Sport for Gold Diggers

Sookie said (as she stood at the tee), "Though this golfing is boring to me, the odds can't be beat. Of golfers I meet, for each woman, the males number three!!" *Note: Female golfers number fewer than 23% in this sport. With the many doctors and lawyers that seem to enjoy this activity, I can't help but think it would be a great place for a single lady to meet rich men! For the Golf Limerick Poetry Contest of Craig Cornish

Copyright © Andrea Dietrich | Year Posted 2013

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YOU'D BETTER NOT POUT

You got a duff gift from your ‘mate’ Too large, in a colour you hate It simply won’t fit You’ll never wear it No nookie mate now you can wait! 12~28~14 A Quintain Christmas - Andrea Dietrich ~awarded 3rd place~

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2014

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RODGER AND HIS LODGER

There once was a young man called Rodger Who’s very transfixed with his todger From morning till night He gets his delight Now he shares his bed with his lodger The lodger her name was Sandy Was always ready and randy They’d make love all night But then they took fright When Rodgers legs went all bandy 29 ~12~14

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2014

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SANTA IS COMING

Santa comes but once a year Impotence his greatest fear He fills up his sack Slings it on his back Hope he wont drop his load here Mrs Claus was in great distress She wants sex she does confess Santa saw his GP Saying please help me We need to sort out this mess The doc prescribed some blue pills They cured Santa of his ills Now back in the sack Not flat on their back Now they are getting their thrills 11~22~14 Contest: What’s up with Santa Sponsor Jerry Curtis

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2014

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Vacation Disaster

We arrived at the airport quite late
My passport was months out of date
My husband was snappy
The baby filled its nappy
I just stood there and got quite irate

The pilot had been on the pop
On the runway he couldn't stop
He just missed a tree
Stopped off for a pee
Now his career is facing the chop

Our hotel was two star not four
Cockroaches crawled on the floor
We got a terrible fright 
In the middle of the night
A tornado blew off our door

Written for Vacation Humor Contest Sponsored By Carolyn Devonshire
07~23~14

Copyright © JADAZZLE UNITED | Year Posted 2014

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Santa's Little Helper

Through the snow and the wind and the chill
He delivers his load with goodwill
  But when Santa is done
  And his wife wants more fun
He gets help from his little blue pill

December 24, 2014

Copyright © Roy Jerden | Year Posted 2014

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removed for publication






“Sometimes too much drink is barely enough.” Mark Twain, on Alcoholism


05 July 2015
Poem of the Day - 07 July 2015
Write With the Wit of Twain Contest - 4th Place
Sponsor: Andrea Dietrich

Copyright © Kim Patrice Nunez | Year Posted 2015

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YOU MUST LOOK AFTER YOUR ELF

Santa’s little helper felt poorly sick Couldn’t deliver presents for Saint Nick His red nose was gleaming Blue eyes they were streaming I hope that Santa will give him some Vick 24th December 2014

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2014

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BLOWING IN THE WIND

There once was a fellow named Carter Who was a persistent loud farter From dusk until dawn He’d blow off his horn Carter eats baked beans as a starter Jan Allison 24th November 2014

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2014

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LOOK WHAT I FOUND IN THE SINK

I'm thirsty - I needed a drink There lurking in my kitchen sink Lying flat on his back He’s no longer jet black A hedgehog…now he doesn't stink! 11th April 2015

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2015

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DISAPPOINTMENT

Jan said to Darren one day
Do you fancy a roll in the hay
But to his chagrin
Jan asked 'is it in?'
You’re not quite as big as you say!

Based on the poem' our first meeting on the Isle of Man written by Jadazzle united



10th February 2015

Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2015

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Back to Traffic School

Before yellow changes to red,
there’s only one thing in my head.
It’s to get through that light
for my time is so tight.
On the pedal my foot becomes lead!

But I did not judge too well today,
for that light was a tad far away.
Oh, why didn’t I stop?
If I’d just seen the cop,
I’d be richer with no fine to pay.

So to traffic school soon I will go,
like I do every three years or so
till the next time I’m caught.
We old dogs can’t be taught!
Wipe our slates- traffic school’s just for show!


Note: Traffic school is a 2 hour class that some Americans pay extra money for just to avoid a raise in their insurance rates when they get a traffic ticket. I stupidly did not do traffic school last time I got caught by a cop, so for sure, I have to do it THIS time. This limerick story was inspired by Jan's limerick about me!

Copyright © Andrea Dietrich | Year Posted 2015

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I can only hand it to you

Tapped messages go out direct
With phones it's an easy connect
Thoughts from a finger
In cyberspace linger
But touching's too much to expect

Copyright © Duke Beaufort | Year Posted 2013