There once was a man from Niagara
whose wiener's so long it would stab ya'
but when it got little
his pills became skittles
until he O.D.'d on Viagra
© ~JSLambert 2011*****A classic "stiff" competitor, standing "firm" amongst other "members" in the "thick" of the competition:) hope everyone gets "a rise" out of it!
Princess just wants a new car.
I have told her that hers will go far.
'Oh, it's really not cool
driving this crap to school.'
'Do I need that emotional scar? '
'The kids will all laugh at the rust.
When we race, I'll be left in the dust!
I will save up some cash
then we'll make a mad dash
to the car dealer surely you trust'.
'He will make us a wonderful deal
and I'm sure you will know how I feel.
I will love you so much,
My siblings... I won't touch.
Just get me behind a new wheel'!
Now she'll be cruisin in style.
She'll be happy for only awhile.
There will always be better
and we'll try hard to get her
a car that will make princess smile.
Happy Birthday to this awesome THREE:
to Frank, Kashinath, and P.D.
Those born this day SEVEN
have blessings of Heaven
in wit, charm and poetry!
Resurrecting this oldie for the contest of PD:
You three guys are tops with me!
My tour made me really content
I was pleased with where I was being sent
The Air Force said go
I couldn't say no
so over to Scotland I went.
The tour could not have been better
I knew SHE was the one when I met her
It really was strange
How my whole life would change
cause I knew I would never forget her.
My time in Scotland I'll never forget
I've never been to a nicer place yet
I bought home a wife
she's the love of my life
so to Scotland I owe a great debt.
< dancing and twisting the night away
karen O'Leary just had to say
Joseph Spence and Dr. Ram
our convention's quite jammed
hope katherine Stella's table won't sway
Poets At My Table
Myself Katherine Stella
Dr. Ram Mehta
A Table For 4 Contest
Slams Destroyed Her Head
She was slammed by slam poetry, boo hoo!
Some folks wondered about the hullabaloo.
When bombarded with dread,
Sad thoughts destroyed her head.
Now, she thinks she’s a blithering cuckoo!
© July 17, 2010
There once were two people online
Through e-mail their lives intertwined
They swore in each letter
That they'd get together
Neither one knowing what they would find
So one day when both had the chance
To see under what circumstance
They would think of each other
Be it friend, be it lover
Either way it'd be one heck of a dance
So the one went to the other's town
To see which emotion is found
But they must grow a bond
Before taking love on
Even buildings are built from the ground
The first day they soaked up some sun
Followed by dinner and fun
There was no stopping
Their bar-to-bar hopping
both drunk by the time they were done
They ended up at his hotel
"One more drink", she had said, "that sounds swell".
But the kissing, caressing
Led to them undressing
Ignoring their White Zinfindel
They woke the next morning perplexed
The ache in their heads had them vexed
They both had enjoyed
What they tried to avoid
Neither knowing what they should do next
So neither one spoke of last night
And both were nervous and uptight
But it would be a shame
to be pointing the blame
at what at the time seemed so right
But knowing it couldn't be ignored
They talked and their feelings were poured
They both felt confused
And a little bit used
But it was something they both could afford
When the trip came to an end
They enjoyed the time they did spend
With a kiss and a sigh
they both said goodbye
And to this day remain closest friends
There once was a guy whose name was Lance
And all this man loved to do was dance,
If you beat on a drum
Or just twiddle your thumb,
Lance would jump up and he'd start to prance.
He danced from morning into the night
He'd leap in air like a bird in flight,
He never got tired
And always was fired,,
Until one day when he lost his sight.
Have you ever seen a blind man dance?
Well it was a sight, that cane and Lance,
He didn't want pity
Though it wasn't pretty,
When he toppled loosing his balance.
He'd jump right up and continue on
And nothing could stop this dancing prawn,
He taught us a lesson
That there is no reason,
To end what you love before you're gone.
There was once a man from Thomaston
He called his wife honey bun
His knee joint went out
In pain he did shout
Viagra's no longer number one
The days of Summer are here
On this beautiful earth sphere
This season of shine
The beach we do pine
Our time to appear draws near
The day we have awaited has arrived
To the seaside we carefully drive
The kids and their daddy
The excitement in us now thrives
In adventure they play on the dunes
Through the reeds the breeze plays a tune
A symphony so grand
As I'm barefoot on the sands
On this glorious sunny afternoon
For these days of Summer cheer us all
As the sounds of happy kids en-thrall
Our day is now ended
As darkness has descended
My kids and I had a ball
Once was a gal who felt so alone
Tornato came up rooted farms home
Landed on wicked witch
Munchkins came out of ditch
Gave dog lollypops instead of bone
There once was a wonderful star
Who thought she would go very far
Until she fell down
And looked like a clown
She knew she would never go far
She would land near the moon
< dancing to the hit song monster mash
frankenstein and werewolf got real smashed
took the witches culdeen
and boiled up mummys spleen
Quasimodo joined in on the bash
witches brew of brains spleens gizzards hearts
illuminates party from it's start
Dracula and zombies
lurking for free bodies
poor old frankie's wife just fell apart
the bewitching dance came to its end
when bats flew in frenzy around den
on this all hallows eve
trickery was up sleeve
sent my 3 black cats in to defend
There once was a girl from the soup
Who tried to keep up with her poet group
But she fell in love,
with the man NOT' from above
Now the Poet Destroyer, is in a loop.
Example for my contest
((p.s. i'm not a limerick expert))
~maybe it's a bad example~
~But you get my drift~
Of all the sports, watching Baseball's the best
I've less interest, but watch some of the rest
But I'm pleased to report
Golf's my favorite sport
It's healthy, fun, and a challenging test.
Diet Coke, icy cold, has fame.
Spiked with cherry or lime, it’s tame,
I buy the brand Shasta
because my drink hasta
use Splenda, not bad aspartame.
Written 10/23/12 by Andrea Dietrich
(I know there is nothing healthful about
a Coke, but I just love carbonation!)
For Francine Roberts'
Pick a Beverage, any Beverage Poetry Contest
Life is pleasant on the Atlantic coast
Fishing is surely what I enjoy most
Songs of gulls surrounding me
Colorful shells line the sea
And of my exploits I feel I must boast
The breeze is refreshing as winds pick up
I cast out hoping for something to sup
Though the tides aren’t moving
I am always still grooving
Then with a smile I spy a fish close up
It’s just a tiny minnow swimming past
Oh yes, he’s small, but he might be the last
So I reach down with my net
He splashes and gets me wet
On a summer day I have chilled out fast
*Entry for Yasmin’s “Letting Your Hair Down” contest by Carolyn Devonshire. Written 6/19/2012
The Whole Truth & Nothing But the Truth
(If I Made a Movie)
It’s the movies that I love a lot,
and the truth is, if I had a shot
at making a movie,
it sure would be groovy
and have a magnificent plot!
Of trivial humor I’m wary.
Not a Curly, a Moe or a Larry
would be in my show,
and just so you know,
MY movie would be good and scary!
It wouldn’t be all blood and gore.
For me, real suspense is much more.
Cheap effects you’d not see,
and the genre would be
of psychological horror.
I don’t have all the details worked out,
but if homicide it were about,
no typical killer
would be in my thriller,
and he might even be a boy scout!
My movie would not have to be
about death necessarily.
Inner conflicts of the
main characters and a
big twist is what I’d guarantee!
Written for PD's Truth or Dare Contest
By Andrea Dietrich
(Good grief, I can't even find a category for this
poem, such as MOVIES. I wish Soup gave more choices!)
once was an tricky old leprechaun
colored blarney stone with neon crayons
so much for gift of gab
I just hailed down a cab
and ran over that fairytail icon
There once was a poet extraordinaire,
Who composed sweet poetry with great care.
She wanted to find true love.
So, she prayed to God above.
He swiftly answered, “Sweetheart, you must forbear.”
Forbearance was her lonely heart’s nightmare.
She was a passionate woman with flare.
Singing in a high octave.
Counting petals of foxglove.
She drank martinis alone in her lair.
A brilliant mind with hope and a prayer,
Resting her head on a lonely armchair.
Praising spirits up above,
She heard Ron’s voice, cute white dove.
Alas, she found him…marriage…love so fair.
(Linda-Marie, I used your profile picture for inspiration for this contest entry.)
© March 31, 2011
Have you ever ridden in a balloon on the air?
Oh, how I remember the quiet there.
As on the currents of wind we were borne
Watching the sun rise, as from the horizon it was torn.
Riding on nature's majesty...with nary a care.
Passing o'er the desert with all its splendor
Riding the gondola, the true "Air Bender".
Seeing the hills alight with the morning sun
Carefree, quiet, having such fun.
Memories of when our hearts were young and tender.
Suzie sure did love technology
when Botox became her friend
each wrinkle it did mend
now she's a part of biology
If it seems your love life's a mess
and you're feeling romantic distress.
What you have to do
is find somebody new
which would help solve your problem, I guess!
That may not be easy to do
if you're looking for love that is true.
But you must keep in mind
the one you finally find
should be deeply in love with you too!
Your love life should be a success,
don't ever settle for less
if there's mutual respect
then you can expect
very little romantic stress.
We went for a walk on the beach
His hand for my hand did reach
It seemed like forever
A marriage proposal he did beseech.
He spoke again said you’re squeezing my hand
As my feet felt like led in the sand
I stopped in my track
Felt my smile crack
Then he showed me the wedding band.
I could no longer contain my feeling
Inside I would have hit the ceiling
Of course I said yes
To his great request
And now my heart he is stealing.
For contest “Loveland Limerick”
< once were twin towers on horizon
bombarded by Al Qaeda what sin
then came many heros
lost too at ground zero
America's flag still flew in wind
In Loving Memory To Those Lost
On 911 R.I.P. You Are Not Forgotten