The humble man stands before God,
Contrite, and aware he is flawed;
As each day begins,
He confesses his sin,
Then kneels before God and is awed.
The flawless man stands there as well,
Convinced he has no sin to tell;
And that God is his equal
Which leads to his sequel
Of life everafter -- in hell.
“O commercialized corporate franchise”
Thou that holds illusions in selling lies
Max out your credit cards
Lenders be holder’s lords
Forfeiting all bank notes as owner cries
“O commercialized corporate franchise”
My babies wonder about Christmas guys
My babies’ futures be scared
Must obey corporate lords
“O thou commercialized corporate lies”
Just commercialized greedy Xmas rush
Souls like zombies of the corporate thrust
The X of the Christ
O Love’s sacrifice
“In commercialized corporate we trust”
For Commercialized Humor contest
Sponsored by: Carolyn Devonshire
He went the way of a sickly pigeon,
and dropped his nasty load on religion.
The evil ones hailed him,
power they availed him,
which increased his vanity a smidgeon .
He declared himself the messiah,
From the depths of earthen hell fire,
The people believed him,
almighty pride seized him,
now he’s forcing God to retire.
You see there’s only room for one master,
to be God is what evil is after,
As enticing as it looks,
he and his cronies and crooks,
are setting the world up for disaster.
We Christians who always vote by rote,
keeping the Truths of our faith in a tote,
it’s we that keep evil in power,
We’ll know that in our last hour,
Right after we get thrown from the Boat.
I read that in the last presidential election, 57% of Christians
voted for the present administration which is currently in the midst of
of taking away their rights to conciencious objectionality and religious freedom
where the killing of babies ("abortion" for those of you who are still in la la land)
and the financial obligation for it is concerned.
It is now desired by the present administration that Christians too pay for this
murderous and horrific agenda.
To the 57% of Christians who voted for the current administration: you got your choice.
Are congratulations in order?
-Robert A. Dufresne
“My God” said St. Peter “how neat
A donkey head for trick or treat!
Just two feet? I want more!”
So god gave him four
off he ran hee-haw bleat!
There Gabriel stood with his horn
He said God I really am bored!
With a poof he’s reborn
With a tail and a horn
For tonight Gab’s gone unicorn!
“Well, Heavens!” Said Beelzebub
“Now ain’t this a fine rub-a-dub!
“Can I play?”
“YES YOU MAY!”
and poof he’s an apple in tub!
Yes, God is a Hall-o-ween gaffer
And the night rang out with HIS laughter
Ghosts genuflect as they fly
Vamp’s morph to good guys
And Hosts raised a toast to hereafters!
An Egyptian I never could be,
but since reading of their history,
in limerick form
I now write to inform
my friends of the Gods’ family tree.
From “Waters of Chaos” came Nun,
the only God under the sun.
The first piece of ground
rose up as a mound.
Hun stood there and coughed up a son!
Hun spat out the God of Air, Shu,
and he spat out a cute goddess too.
Tefnut was her name.
Moisture was her fame.
She and Shu beget children - two!
Their son was named Geb; the girl, Nut.
I’m not sure how to say her name, but
I sure like to say
Goddess Sky’s name the way
that rhymes with the famous King Tut.
When he laughed, the son Geb, “God of Earth,”
made the earth shake beneath his great girth.
I think Geb is busy
in modern days, for he
quakes often, for he’s fond of mirth!
For the tale to proceed, there ensued
some more incest, and not to be crude,
Nut, the Goddess of Sky,
got it on with the guy,
King of Earth, and they had a big brood.
There came forth from their coupling,
Queen Isis and a new Earth King,
Osiris, who was
a good king because
he ruled all rebirth, a great thing!
One son, against harmony, came
to kill Osiris, and his name
was Seth; once again
like the story of Cain -
an envious brother to blame.
But Seth got his just desserts when,
having married his Mom Isis, then
he was killed by HIS son,
named Horus, who won
the throne, and so “good” ruled again.
From Seshat to Sekmet to Rah,
Gods were worshipped by ancients with awe.
You’d have worshipped them too
had you been born to do
your poems on papyrus. Ha ha.
RIPAE BENI DEAU VER
In modus fasciculumque Brady pus.
Rogationes, confractum egemus.
Ripa nostra, sus amica,
Sic superbum precum, pape beatus.
The National Poet Of Slovenia In A Language People Understand moves in mysterious ways. Just ignore him.
When the call of the Lord came to Jonah,
“set out for the great land of Nineveh!”
he was angry inside,
and decided to hide,
on a Tarshish bound ship leaving Joppa.
Then the Lord sent a great wind on the sea,
ne’er a more violent storm could there be,
there on destiny’s brink,
the ship threatened to sink,
while, old Jonah, was below deck asleep.
Surely, each sailor’s heart fainted with fear,
as the ship they were unable to steer.
“Wake up, Jonah!” they cried,
“get thee quickly topside,
and fervently beg your God to draw near!”
Now, Jonah knew that this storm was for him,
as in his heart he remembered his sin,
he thought he was sunk,
when they gave him the dunk,
and had to choose whether to sink or to swim.
As soon as Jonah met up with the ocean,
Both the winds and the waves ceased commotion,
then along came a whale,
and old Jonah grew pale,
as it swallowed him up in one motion!
Three long days in that big fish he stayed,
vowing never again would he stray,
relieved not to be dead,
and with kelp on his head,
onto dry land, our dear Jonah was sprayed!
Please, allow me, now this moral to mention,
that when the Lord God gives thee direction,
you must not delay,
set out right away,
His good judgment you must never question.
Should by chance, you hear God’s voice compelling,
“ head thee out to Bangladesh or New Delhi,”
best get on the right boat,
and pray that it floats,
lest you end up kelp covered and smelly!
"The peacemaker" is Glock's new gun
Its spent rounds are rapture and fun
Yes killing's a thrill
Since I'm mentally ill
And need to own more than just one
A gun for me is like prozac
The bullets clipped pills in a stack
I'm not paranoid
But have weapons deployed
In case I should have an attack
Three Atheist limericks
for April Fools' Day 2006
Dear Mrs. Schiavo: Goodbye.
Dear Mrs. Schiavo: Goodbye.
Fifteen years was a long time to die.
Your husband was brave
To withstand the wave
Of inedible pie in the sky.
Why San Diegans remove Crosses from public Land
The SD City Council must hold strong:
Those mountaintop Christians are wrong.
Crucifixion's the sign
Of insensitive minds
Not the Native Americans' song.
Dear Judeo-Christian God:
Your behavior's exceedingly odd.
You let Hitler misbehave
Then killed thousands with waves
And can't keep your priests' hands off kids' bods!
When we look outside
we can see many things
We dream about what we see
We try to get the things we see
There will be competition and envious
to get the things and we aim high
and we forget about who we are.
When we look inside we just see
the opposite of what we see outside.
When we look into ourselves it is easy to find
who we are and what is our purpose of our life.
When we look inside we see the good and bad things,
right and wrong things clearly and able to distinguish.
We are in peace and love when we look inside,
when we look outside we do not have the time,.
because we are rushing to get the external things
When we are really awaken we try to look inside,
and lead a healthy peaceful and happy life.
BP knew on February Thirteenth
Of structural flaws in the well beneath
Goldman Sachs sold its stock
It should come as no shock
The Lord in heaven is grinding his teeth
*Goldman Sachs was the number two contributor to the Obama campaign and
suspicion has surfaced as to why the White House has inadequately monitored
offshore drilling and has been slow to act on stopping the oil spill.
GS sold nearly 60 percent of its BP stock before the April 20th explosion. Coincidence? Insider trading?
Pharaoh divine, Amenhotep the fourth,
Could explain very own Sphinx head of course,
Having anchored in Mars,
His head stares at the stars,
Made only Mars, no divinity source!
They say proof is always in the pudding,
Or to tell you this story I wouldn’t,
One day in precept’s cars,
We’ll drive around on Mars,
Viewing the Sphinx, the god head that couldn't!
For Contest, ”Sphinx Head on Mars
In Honor Of: Carolyn Devonshire
Look at me; I am so successful!
I am nothing save for Jesus' blood!
Have no god before Me
Love God first then your neighbor
If you love Me, serve widows and orphans.
A man awaiting the God’s judgement
God said, “You’re evil but no atonement”
“So am I”, the man said
“Will send to hell”, the God said
“I lived in hell, can’t repeat punishment”
The God thought for a while and announced
“I will send you to heaven instead”
“You can’t do that” the man said
“Why can’t I? the God asked
“ Never, in no way it can be envisioned"
Dr. Ram Mehta
Contest" No. 13 by P.D.
God said to old Noah – “No sweat
Gather two of all creatures you’ve met
Cram them all in a boat
And keep it afloat
All others will get mighty wet”
So old Noah he built him a boat
And for 40 days kept it afloat
Though the details are few
It’s the tale of the crew
That makes this of Biblical note
For God had this grandiose plan
And with water he covered this land
When the boat came aground
Wickedness had been drowned
“Cept the family of this righteous man
So what is the moral of the story?
Though the world may be cold and gory
When it’s all said and done
It will be righteous ones
That will bask in God’s greater glory
The hunchbacked man once asked God:
Why didn't you turn your face to me Lord?
But God answered the man:
When I looked down at your clan,
I saw your back turn to me like a gourd.
The days seem so much closer together now , It is hard to keep up. Months click by me like weeks . Is this my time running out.
I seem to lose things more often then I remember annd sometimes I need help . Am I going to forget it all before my time runs out.
So many more soreness it seems and I am sleeping alot . Will I sleep my days away?
My dreams are confusing to me , I sometimes am not sure what is dream and what is real . It wont matter cause my time has run out.
It's a wonderful thing this life we have , But it is much better when your time runs out. That' what this life's about. Flow with time and dont worry about time running out .
Once there was a dame called Anne “the bane”
Her trick “God-promise .My words are true & sane”
“Sam and Bern are prophets.God-promise!”
“my comprehension is the truth.God-promise!”
Bloody are we in “stone age” or “iron age” dame?
Of antiquity's Gods I know little,
And yet somehow feel fit as a fiddle,
God of poems and plague
(Though connection's quite vague!) ,
But real life seems to rest in the middle.
With special thanks to Daniel Brick of PoemHunter.com for tempting me to enter arena's I would normally not dare to enter. I've been eaten by lions in too many different lifetimes! : -)
Grandma, the little girl said
Where do we go when we’re dead?
We go with God up in heaven
She told the young girl of seven
And gently patted the top of her head.
Then my goldfish who died I can say
Is with God up in heaven today
Little brother yelled no
I know that ain’t so
Cause I saw mommy flush him away!
Whenever they travelled in front
The Ark Of Covenant did confront
The kept it well lit
And that was just fit
Only some to God could talk'd affront.
Dorian Petersen Potter
September, 8, 2014
Of all your constant transgressions, I tire.
Yes, you're pushing it down to the wire.
I even sent you My Son
yet His work stays undone.
Must I resort to one last trial by fire?!
O grand and gracious Jehovah
Grand Author of creation
Source of my inspiration
Cage me within the shade of your umbrella
Accept my pleas for forgiveness
Allow me dwell in your blessedness
Protect me as I sleep
Like a shepherd would his sheep
O wise and merciful One
You sacrificed your only son
For my sake to prove a point
A point being the joint
Between creator and creation
Love me Lord in the name of your son.
I don’t understand the world, or what it is giving
Should I open my eyes and be there and then living?
I asked my dog and as memory recalls
He kept gently but thoroughly licking his balls
Wriggly was a litter bug pigged a litter of pigs
Trollop trollop a trollop trollop up came Mrs. Triggs
She wrote an article
On the God particle
She turned on the zero spin and fell on hapless pigs
Let the sinless throw the first stone
And the sinner stands there alone
It isn’t so odd
To leave punishment to God
When we are presented to his throne
As men bring their broken marriage
To be reorganize to good
So i brought my broken dreams
To God, because he was my friend
But then instead of leaving him
In peace to work alone
I hung around and tried to
Help with the ways that were my own
at last i snatched them back and cried
"How can you be so slow"
"My child" he said "What could i do?
You never did let go"
money is not the god that I serve
for faith in the Lord God is not graded on the curve
God is not concerned with man's window dressings
and He doesn't give a damn about what the world finds impressing
just trust in Him and he will give you an abundance of blessings
and your soul He will preserve
money is not the god that I desire
for Father God will give me all that I will require
He looks into the minds and hearts of every man
He wants us to live by the spirit of His commands
and once you become a part of His master plan
the Holy Spirit you will then acquire
money is not the god that I need to develop a relationship
for only through Jesus Christ will I have passage on that heaven-bound ship
and with only a mustard seed of faith
I will be entering through God's pearly gates
and so joyful that I can hardly wait
for my soul will have had such a great trip
Did you ever sit and ponder
about God's miraculous wonders
or sit back and reflect
on the religious aspects?
It makes my heart for Him fonder
Did you ever question the existence of God?
I don't think that question that is very hard
because I know what I feel
that the Lord my God is truly real
and I gratefully give Him my heart
Did you know that the death of Jesus was sacrificial?
because man's belief was so superficial
as Jesus' death was the method to repent
yet mankind's sinning ways would not relent
for mankind's faith was so artificial
But there is one thing I can certainly convey
as ye reap as you sow, the Bible does say
just exalt and glorify God and in Him rejoice
praise and worship Him with a cheerful voice
and He will treasure you all of your days
"God does not play dice"
Yet there are so many whys
There's no answer
Why the world's so full of tears and sighs.