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Limerick Funny Poems | Limerick Poems About Funny

These Limerick Funny poems are examples of Limerick poems about Funny. These are the best examples of Limerick Funny poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Destiny Number 5

There was a winsome writer named Andie
who wrote poetry really Jim Dandy
with pencil or pen
she'd write her amens
For our Andie was truly not randy.



9/19/1948


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His funeral

That he planned his funeral is factual
And being a prankster quite actual
He prerecorded his voice
So when we kneeled on the joist
He said, "Hi there! Don't I look natural."


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A Stone Age Transport Woe

Wilma cried, “We are going too slow!”
But poor Flintstone could no faster go.
Not because of a flat. 
No, for nothing like that.
It was just Fred had stubbed his big toe!

Written Nov. 14, 2014 
For the Limerick Clean and Clever Contest of Roy Jerden
Yabba Dabba DOO!!!! And Boo Hoo Hoo!!!


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The Non-Resolver

I’ve been watching my weight since 14, but with all of the diets I’ve seen, they’ve become a big no-no. This here dieting yo-yo has stopped trying to be super lean! Other problems I’ll change as I go. I don’t need a New Year to say so! Said a wise sailor man: I yam what I yam! Why improve on a good thing - ya know? So the cause of the most bellyaching at this time of the year I’m forsaking. When you know yourself well. . . why then go through such hell! Resolutions I’ll never be making. For the the New Year's Resolution Poetry Contest of Regina Riddle


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Sweet and Salty -LIBRA TALE

      LIBRA  TALE

Sweet and Sour hectic sign
Love me, trust me, the stars align
   Balance of truth and dare
   Good and Evil, full of care 
Blind when it comes to blood line


 
:) PD


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Valentine's Day Musings

All year long he puts my heart on a shelf
No surprise I’d rather be by myself
     If there’s no Valentine treat
     From this worthless hunk of meat
He can go on making love to himself

Remember there’s an “I” in Valentine
So if no one’s around to say, “Be mine”
     Just splurge – get a new hairdo
     Party with an all-girl crew
Check out the divorce rate and say, “I’m fine”




*For Francine's Valentine Limerick contest


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Viagra Falls

There once was a man from Niagara
whose wiener's so long it would stab ya'

but when it got little 
his pills became skittles   
until he O.D.'d on Viagra

© ~JSLambert  2011*****A classic "stiff" competitor, standing "firm" amongst other "members" in the "thick" of the competition:) hope everyone gets "a rise" out of it!


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Beatle Mania

Beatlemania (The Fab Four As Lovers) Once a choir boy, John turned to romance, Fell for Yoko almost at first glance. In full public view In bed with her too - Showed the world how to “give peace a chance.” Quiet George played much more than guitar. Lost his wife to another rock star. Layla left him because Of how hung up he was On the music he made with his sitar! Ringo acted in “Caveman” and met His wife Barb (once a Bond girl) on set. Though the film of this drummer Was dumber than dumber, Wise in love, he’s not left his Barb yet! A heart breaker, Paul left Wife "One" For Linda, and made her a vegan! On their farm smoking pot, They made money (a LOT)! He’s a genius whose life sure seems fun! written Oct. 13, 2013 for the BeatleMania Contest of Rhonda Johnson-Saunders


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Be Careful what you Hook

  I once heard of a fisher Luciano,
  who sang bass as he played on his piano.
  Once he fished and cast his line
  by mistake hooked his behind
  since that day, when he plays he sings soprano.

  How many syllables.com
  11, 11, 7, 7, 11
  
  11.11.2014
  Sponsor Roy Jerden
  Limericks Clean and Clever 


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My Big Fat Cousin's Wedding

My favorite cousin named Marge is almost as big as a barge. So one would assume, not knowing the groom, the guy would most likely be large. But he was a small man named Tim “As thin as a broom” describes him. While Marge would guffaw, Tim would watch her with awe and just smile for he was so prim! When the preacher addressed him and said, “You may now kiss the bride,” Tim turned red, for their lips could not meet. With high heels on her feet, Marge stood towering over his head. She leaned down while Tim stood on his toes, but for being in such a strange pose, Marge then came toppling down crushing Tim neath her gown while the whole church erupted in “Ohhhhh’s.” All was well, and thereafter, we ate; then we planned next to dance until late. But none could foresee the small tragedy that had us all leaving by eight! Marge had tossed off her heels for a glide on the dance floor, but when they both tried to dance, Tim got snagged by that dang gown and dragged as his bride was beginning to slide. . . Now shoeless, poor Marge could not stop. Toward a table with candles on top, they slid, and the groom then set fire to the room by landing with a belly flop. Poor Tim by the candles got lit, and we were all having a fit, for the fire got spread fast till the Best Man at last got us all wet extinguishing it! Inspired by the title of the movie: My Big Fat Greek Wedding & : Joann Grisetti's "My Cousin's Wedding" Poetry contest


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Dancing Fool

Auntie Matilda is a dancing fool.
She took lessons at a discount dance school.
When she does the hippity hop,
even babies beg her to stop;
but Matilda’s dancing makes old men drool.


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And She's Not Bad Lookin Either

Her Soup name we know as PD
Her REAL name is Linda you see
And Irma as well
Trevino! I yell
From my rooftop...Can’t hear me? (Poor me)

For a very special and loyal friend...


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Blood on the Saddle

We are taking a long horseback ride
On the great continental divide
    They are singing "Mule Train"
    Just like old Frankie Laine
While my poor butt is wailing "Rawhide"

The guide's muscles are trapezoidal 
With ripples and bulges steroidal 
    All the bulges I find 
    Are inside my behind 
And for sure are all hemorrhoidal

I guess I'm a poor city slicker
Of riding I couldn't be sicker
    I would rather be home
    Where no buffalo roam
With sitz bath and plenty of liquor

The trail is finally on the last branch
All the bleeding at last I can stanch
   The guide said there's a hut
   Where he'll tend to my butt
Here at the Brokeback Mountain Dude Ranch

July 13, 2014


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Princess Needs A New Car

Princess just wants a new car.
I have told her that hers will go far.
'Oh, it's really not cool
driving this crap to school.'
'Do I need that emotional scar? '

'The kids will all laugh at the rust.
When we race, I'll be left in the dust! 
I will save up some cash
then we'll make a mad dash
to the car dealer surely you trust'.

'He will make us a wonderful deal
and I'm sure you will know how I feel.
I will love you so much, 
My siblings... I won't touch.
Just get me behind a new wheel'! 

Now she'll be cruisin in style.
She'll be happy for only awhile.
There will always be better
and we'll try hard to get her
a car that will make princess smile.


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Big Bang

This is one laymans' confession
(I have this nagging obsession)
A huge mass of matter
Explodes in a scatter
Here is my 'ignorant' question...

From whence came this gigantic ball?
Just how did the whole thing befall?
What was there before that?
And before even that?
And so on and so forth, et.al...

Blank space, only vacuum you say?
Endless void? Flat nothing? Okay...
Is nothing just nothing,
Or ain't nothing something
And what made the nothing I pray?


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Jonah Falcon He's Not

At the computer sits Dickie McDuff
Searching a password that isn't too tough
    With a cocky demeanor
    He types in 'mywiener'
And the computer says "Not long enough!"


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Brother Told Us

Brother told us sometimes that he peed
sitting down with a good book to read,
but with his ding-a-ling
he was having a fling
when we spied on him.  Good book indeed!


Written 5/20/14 for Roy Jerden's Bawdy, Bawdy, Bawdy, Miss Clawdy Limerick Contest

By the way, from comments I am getting, I need to let everyone know this is simply a fabrication. My brother told us nothing, and we never spied on him. And our small bathroom shared by ten people would not have suited this purpose! hahaha


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Titillating Experience

Mom caught her boob in the washer’s wringer
Rotor made Mom an opera singer
    Tit for tat, she got redder
     Pop struggled with the lever
I pulled the plug, was able to spring ‘er

Wow!  Mum is the word on this awful day
We don’t refer to this deed of foul play
     “Hah! Your Dad’s a dud," she cried
     As with pain pills she was plied
Now under the radar Pop stays away




*Entry for David William’s Palindrome Mad Contest
By Carolyn Devonshire

Palindrome Words:
Mom, boob, rotor,  tit, tat, redder, Pop, Wow, Mum, refer, deed, Hah!, Dad, dud, radar


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Tim And His Kelly Green Mustang


I have a friend by the name of Tim, He keeps in shape when frequents the gym. His Kelly green Mustang he drove And smack'd it into a cove. The witches got him and ate one of his limbs! Dorian Petersen aka ladydp2000 copyright@2014 October,5,2014


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Runaway Train

An outdoor wedding, no sign of rain
The bride’s gown had a 10-foot train
     Crossing the lawn to her bequeathed
     Fido snatched the train in his teeth
And Pop watched eight grand go down the drain


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The Blond's Blinds

In the shower one day was a blond The door bell rang, she went to respond She shouted "who's there?" "It's the blind man" he declares "Hold on, I'll open the door to correspond" Seconds later she opens the door "Nice breasts" he says, as she looks to the floor "Here are the blinds you requested They have been hung and well tested Have you ever had blinds here before?" .


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You'd Better Not Pout

Kicking Santa is not nice to do.
Chuck Norris has replaced him, 'tis true.
You'd better not pout,
or a swollen snout,
and a stocking of whoop-ass for you!
12/21/14 Contest: A Quintain Christmas Sponsor: Andrea Dietrich


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Coffee House

"Coffee House" a savory swig energizes bones one swallow electrifies tasting cones an instant caffeine rush causes blah cheeks to pink blush pure Pepsi creates haunting moans. a tingling sensation provides power charging battery for 24 hours but "diet" won't do the "hard stuff's" my brew Pepsi fragrance as potent as flowers. one day when Life's journey is done and "the other side's" calling for fun no Coke, Dew, or "7" as I step into Heaven hoping Pepsi is their "Number One".
*For Craig's Funny Poem Contest


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Pocket Pool?

A political pundit with power
stuffed dollars in his purse by the hour.
When called to court,
he said “Why not, sport?”
My daughter’s in real need of a dower.

And, while running a nasty ad game
He cried out “Why I’m not to blame!”
He did it too,
So *crew to you!
And he rose up on a tide of acclaim?



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Black-Water Blues

Diz Cajonne dey call Thibodaux
Paddle dis girl in his Pirogue
Den he see dem unmention
Dad tool stan at attention
She slap him stick HARD doncha' know

Dad pole shrink awful fas he yell whoa!
Sha, whad did you swat dad ting fo?
Now it at parade rest
Like diz bird in a nest
She-say-"I-scared-a'-dem-SNAKE-buddy-ohh!"

PD's contest


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Spring Forward Yowzzah

Golden Andy the dandy had bling
when he leapt from his bed with a spring
the golden ring in his -
he kept warm with a sock
while his gal sang where's my ding-a-ling?


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Green Anaconda






                             Green Anaconda was the cute friend of Rhonda
                            Slippin’ and slidin’, so fast and strong like Honda
                                       They went to Hotel La Boanara
                                        Dined on caiman and capybara
                              And went to the Louvre to kiss La Gioconda


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THE ADVENTURES OF JIM THE TRIM-AT THE BEACH

On this tropical beach, one hot summer day
Jim the Trim came, his bod to display
Been workin’ out day and night
Made the girls' eyes burn bright
Next, he's running from muscles that sashay





KIM PATRICE NUNEZ
10 April 2015


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She's Wet VII Continued

She's Wet VII Continued

When she gives a cough or a sneeze 
Some wee trickles down past her knees 
Her knickers are damp 
She smells like a tramp 
Dashing home so nobody sees 

Written by Jan 
Inspired by Arthur 
Continued by Mystic Rose

 She does a little peepee in the bowl
 Voiding her bladder is her only goal 
Then out comes a fart 
Fresh and a la carte
 Followed by a turd down the hole!

 Continued by Sey

 A sigh of relief she wipes her red rear
 as the monstrous turd starts to disappear
 much to her surprise
 it has too much size 
and shoots out and hits her left ear 

Continued by Steve

 Dear lady of the house please don't send me to hell
 I know it would get rid of that awful smell 
But I have an idea for some fantastic cons
I will be a banker in stocks and bonds
And should I fail and the flush you administer
I will pop out downstream and become a Prime Minister




 Continued by Nonsense Alley 

Get antibacterial Wet -Ones!
Use plenty for cleaning those soiled buns
Got turd in the ear?
Please! Have little fear.
Buy Wet-Ones for poop- ear ala runs. 

Continued by Kimberly 

Good gracious this lim'ricks a foul one!
With peepee, a fart and a brown one 
Now all has been voided 
Smell can't be avoided
So snap on that clothes pin for more fun!

Continued by Eve

Oh! Dear! I guess I am going to have to get some
 Depends  custom 
 made,this is just happening too often  
 and I’m losing too many of my good chosen
underwear in the garbage can at Wal-mart and spending a fortune


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THE ADVENTURES OF JIM THE TRIM- AT THE METRO

Jim the Trim’s been watching too much video
The kind that caused rise in his libido
Mind still on a femme fatale
Was brought to the hospital
His front was trapped by the doors of the Metro.






KIM PATRICE NUNEZ
10 April 2015