It’s an unknown journey, but I see a trail
heading to the light of tomorrow
There will often be times I'll be afraid, to go
I may stumble a bit, with an eager heart
And may tremble climbing cliffs of old sorrows
There are deep, black chasms I will not forget,
where slopes slick, with pitfalls, are waiting to trip
But I've gone too far, and I can't turn around,
Just as the sun can't turn its back on the day
The trees speak in tongues, so foreign to my ears
using parched, old voices, and tears from the sky
Scraps of brittle leaves litter, with dust all around
Mixed with words left unsaid, that I've left behind
There’s a sharp mist of hope, at the bend of the river
yet,sun on my face seems to lend,
the slope of the rain, but the warmth of the sun
with an open blue sky at the end
When I was a child I only ever wanted to be strong.
I wanted to be able to compete with the boys
and when I foot raced them at recess I won every time.
They called me ‘She Hulk’ because of my muscular frame
and from the way I only ever wore soccer t-shirts and sweat pants.
After that nickname was implanted into my brain like a growing weed,
I’ve only ever wanted to be feminine.
I started wearing skirts and dresses
and in middle school they shrieked at the site of my makeup and done up hair.
But that weed inside of my mind only grew, and grew, and grew
until I became a mixed drink cocktail
with one part anorexic and two parts lonely,
because I thought that the definition of feminine began with the word frail.
No one ever realizes how greatly words affect us,
how a simple nickname can turn a pretty girl into a skeleton.
I stood at five foot two weighing seventy nine pounds,
so cold and frozen,
yet I still considered myself a ‘She Hulk.’
You could see my ribcage through my t-shirt
and my spinal cord protruded loudly through my weathered skin,
as if somehow my bones were dirty knives
just trying to cut through the flesh of judgment.
As I grew older I became the girl that was never enough.
Not good enough to speak poetry.
Not good enough to lay paint on a canvas.
Not good enough.
Not tall enough.
Not big enough boobs for them.
Not primped to perfection.
Not undeniably straight.
Not smart enough.
Not dumb enough.
Not ditsy enough.
Not cool enough or fun enough.
And I began to believe, too, that I wasn’t enough.
I never told my mother that I had been in madly in love with a girl.
I never told anyone about the night we first kissed
because I was too vulnerable for the judgment.
And parents always justify saying that ‘kids will be kids’
But when we are kids our brains are still growing
and the smallest of seeds that get planted will one day bloom
into one giant regret,
will one day affect the choices that we make,
will one day influence us about the clothes that we wear,
will one day shape us into the person who we thought we would never be.
I only ever wanted to be strong,
and as a child I thought strength was only about being able
to lift a bar stool above your head.
I thought that strength was only about being able
to beat the boys in bare foot running races.
I was told that strength was something only
a man could have.
But as I’ve grown older I’ve realized that strength
isn’t about muscle at all,
but it’s about weakness,
and the ability to overcome the social anxiousness.
It’s about carrying around a lifetime of baggage
on your broken back
because the ones that kicked you when you were down
are going to be the ones that were ultimately wrong.
I thought that the definition of woman
began with the word disappointment.
And I became a mixed drink cocktail
with one part freedom
and two parts Sailor Jerry
because every girl needs a stiff drink once and awhile.
We are not disappointments.
We will never be the ones who gave up on hope.
We will never be the ones who gave up on each other,
or our mothers.
We will always be enough;
enough for the ones who shunned us
enough for the ones that cursed us
enough for the ones the hurt us
and destroyed us
and beat us when we were covered in bruises.
But you see, bruises fade
and the scars of our flesh are only stories
things we have overcame
and there are things out there that we will overcome.
When I was a child, I only ever wanted to be strong.
I hid my vulnerability.
I hid the parts of me that were true.
I never told my mother about my girlfriend
because I was afraid she wouldn’t understand,
kind of like all those people who never understood
just how much words effect us.
I can’t say that I can beat the boys at foot races anymore,
because, well, I smoke cigarettes now.
And I can’t say that the nickname of my childhood didn’t affect me.
But I take that name now and embrace it.
Because I am strong.
I am the ‘she hulk’.
I am a mixed drink cocktail
with three parts greatful.
Together As One
To dream as one.
When we dream we dream as one. When we laugh we laugh as one. We have a life
together that compliments one another. We have a love that is like no other it’s as
one. We reach for the stars and look for the moon. We support and care for one
another on our journeys as our journeys cross paths.
We listen with excitement to each other’s dreams. To understand and encourage
comes from the heart. Knowing with certainty that we deserve the love we give and
receive as we are as one. What is wonderful for one is so for the other for our life
path is the same. Knowing one so well is to know one’s self without a doubt.
Dreams that come together both big and small shared by knowing hearts that want
the same want are as one. A love so strong can feel and guide with the stars and
moon. Set in motion a force together nothing can sever but blessed be a dream
together as one!
Dream, laugh, and love we do as one for we became one. Together we reach for the
stars and the moon as we share the paths we take. Our journey takes us many
directions to which we share our delight. A journey worth taking is a journey worth
sharing…sharing as one!
A thousand steps in between
who I was and who I am now
do I wonder about the detours?
do I wish I took the dirt road instead?
Would my path have been smoother if I said no instead of yes?
Would the worries have been less then what they are today?
I guess I’ll never know,
unless I go back in time
choose a different path
choose the least attractive offer and run with it
pipe dreams that is all my journey back in time would be
‘cause I would not have met you
and you would not be reading these words....
Everything in life boils down to an immaculate plan,
it may not be my ideal plan or yours
but in the end the voyage continues
whether we want to or not…
‘Cause it is all part of the bigger picture
in that image is your life and mine...
We just got to embrace the journey
no matter how uncertain it might be...
Contest: Anything Goes
Place my mind into a boat
doused with kerosene.
Create a lantern on the water:
light the boat a-flame
and push it out to sea.
Then my heart will be more free.
I remember you well
The happiness and the perfection
A lifetime in which to dwell
No worries to block my path
Playing make believe with my dolls
Unaware of the passage of time and age
Oblivious to hate and cruelty
Happy and content with my thoughts
No nightmares to disturb my peace
Teddy bear pressed to my cheek
Friends to laugh with
A Mom and Dad to hold close
Boyfriends that came and went
A long life ahead
A career, love, marriage, children
No rock left unturned
Do I know this reflection
This woman who bears my name
Where did the little girl of yesterday go
And the woman that was me
She only resides inside nowadays
My hair has lost its sparkle
My cheeks are hollow and pale
Eyes that are too dark and empty
My beauty has faded away
Many deaths have left me alone
Nightmares rock me to sleep
In the dark I weep
I fear the end and wish it also
The pain of old age pulses in my bones
Dear God, take me home
I lay beneath the green earth
In peace I dwell
Here I watch the changing sky
The rain drenches me
The snow is beautiful as it lays upon me
The sun soothes my bones
The cool earth wraps me in her arms
Filigree clouds drift by dreamily
I listen to the wind in the trees
I hear the voices weep above me
I gather each falling tear
Death is not such a terrible place
I want to say to those above
The youth of yesterday was fleeting
My elder years were long and painful
And only death has loved me well
Now I reside in Paradise
My only regret are things left unfinished
June 21, 2013
For the contest, Talking to Yourself
It is the old man from the threefold of life
To whom I have taken control on this
But the poet whatever
The cause should be
The one who must walk
Along the concept
For which beauty fades from
Measure of apparent
Size of naturalistic explanations
Regardless how rich your heart is
And none of us is able pass through.
It is the poet who is living
Psychologically into this burrow of guesses
And paradises within him
With reflection and with correction
Of life this creates such
A record that commands he must live or die.
I used to mow the lawn with joy.
And trim up all the trees.
Prune the hedges, tend the garden.
Way down upon my knees.
Shoot the bull with good time friends.
Now, most of them are gone.
And, I know my day is coming.
I guess it wont be long.
I sit in shade, with tea in hand,
And wave out to the guy,
Who mows the lawn and trims the trees,
While I just sit and sigh.
I dream about the friends I've had.
We always sang life's song.
And, I know my day is coming.
I guess it won't be long.
I've made some new friends here and there.
It's hard to be alone.
Have shared some stories, had some fun.
A few more friends have flown.
Created some new memories.
When memories are strong.
And, I know my day is coming.
I guess it won't be long
I wrote those verses years ago.
But, I'm still going strong.
And, I know my day is coming.
I guess it won't be long.
I never asked to be born; yet now I am here
My journey through life is not one that I fear
I cherish each moment I live on this earth
Thank god for my mother for her labour and birth
I sail like a ship on a sparkling blue sea
Try avoiding the pitfalls that may befall me
Rising to the challenges as I navigate through life
Through childhood, adolescence, becoming a wife
We climb many mountains and difficulties we face
That’s the essence of being part of the human race
I’ll never let a new opportunity pass me by
I want to remain living until the day that I die
Written for Wanderlust Contest Sponsored by Nette Onclaud
~awarded 5th place~
I do not know?
by Lori Maria Walton
Come walk with me among the daisies
Not with the roses, as they have thorns
But among the lucid pulchritude
Waiting with open eyes to the sky
For whom she lives
Today, walk with me among the daisies
Elevate your eyes to the indigo azure
And ascertain love’s authentic disposition
Contemplate the sheltering expanse dancing above
Admiring the daisy field
Walk with me among the daisies for a moment
Knowing they fade into the winter
Receding into the cold earthy mirth
Waiting for the sun to coax a new blossom
into obvious view
Live with me among the daisies
Bring your passions to these fields
Inosculation of spirits
Brios entwined in submission
To the seasons of life
Leave with me to the daisies
When time can be no more
When you are tired from the roses thorn
And long for gentleness and mercy
To hold you through the night
Lay me softly among the daisies
And let me dream of how they made you smile
And you remembered life’s sweet innocence
As you played in their petals creating
A life of beauty and goodness