A truth in rage of insult furrows my mind
For it is only an offense given to me by myself
In the mouths of others far innocent than I
I feel the tears trickle down my cheeks
For I have surfaced into an ugly mistake
I am always inadequate in this brain
I try to shine like the advice of grace given
But confidence rarely rears its head my way
There’s a sort of shade blocking its way
A shade that darkens everyday
That very shade led me to believe my feelings are wrong
That I will never belong so long as they are not controlled
I must be careful—for the lines of love and lust run cold
I hate myself truly this night
And no one but myself will give me the right
The very right to degrade my every being
Because you are not seeing what I am seeing
There is no point
My lines run cold
Can I be so bold as to say
I still love with a pang of indistinguishable doubt
All feelings enter in
As my truth blurs and checks out
Your words pierce me so deep
I cannot describe the pain I feel
God it hurts so bad
It can’t be real
Much like the love I have come to embrace
The very love that links to your face
Tears don’t give it justice
It can’t be real
Much like the love I will never face
A burst of white light
gamma rays, overbearing
a flash of brilliance
burns through to my soul
everything is like hell
the world starts to melt
in the blink of an eye
just the cold blackness
I don't care if I am not again
what I once was, for at this moment
I am greater now
than ever before
I took the path between
teetering, tight roping walking
right up to my right
divined in my unholy state
I thought I told you
I am your king
still you sit there, hesitating
I know you hate me
what does that mean?
I hate just about everything
still I'm chosen
I did not wish before
now bow down to me
refuse me no more
for I shall always be your demon
until you accept me as your King.
I don't even know you
though you say we used to be
best of friends, you and me
the day you ditched me
I remember now
exactly how it played out
back when we were just tiny things
even back then I still was King
you thought me stupid
just a ruse
I would laugh inside, you see?
not one of you single, mean people
ever even knew me
in a world, mostly seen to me
that is why only I can be your true King
and bring forth a new source
of light everlasting.
As two worlds collide slowly aligned
one wrapped in shadows
one bathed in white
evils swirling in the clouds above
I'll always be the king you love
to hate or despise as in your blood
I thought I told you, I am the one
I am the way, the way out shall be shown
breathe in my spirit as it carries you away
breathe in my faith it shall carry your empty space
and deposit you gently on a cloud just enough
higher than you've ever dreamed of
for I am king now, and your in my hell
your in my imagination, I'll just never tell
you'll feel as though dreaming, you'll feel now
if you try and see
you were always found the most
shared in the light cast upon me
the last bright star in heaven.
Denounce my name, if you may
One year later, still not afraid
A black sheep, a darkened spade
That's just life, I'm not right
I'm in the wrong, follow along
Like a piper, I'll pitch a song
Mesmerized, the weak wills sing
I thought he told you, he's still our king.
This hurts too much,
Even though at times
Its the best thing ever.
However, the pain I feel right now
Is destroying all that I am.
I feel worthless and dumb.
Vunerable and used.
I also feel loved and special.
Beautiful and wanted.
These feeling are so extreme in every which way possible.
I love how I feel when with you
I hate how I feel guilty when we part
I love looking in your eyes
I hate when mine cry
Your fingers along my face also touches her
Those lips that drive me crazy
Are sleeping against her neck tonight
I love who I am around you
I hate what I have turned into
I love the way you make me feel
I hate that she must feel that as well
No matter how good it feels
This pain is too much to bear
I love you
I truely truely do
But the hurt is not worth
The random few moments of bliss.
Goodbye, my love-hate lover
This is a letter/poem I wrote for someone special. But it moves me so much every time i
read it, I thought maybe someone else would enjoy reading it as well. 'To write is to share
with the world, how we all feel but never speak of' Lisa
you've just started to make it happen your project is now being processed
but you need to know how to handle the haters who are only about giving stress
the hate that has consumed the hearts of men the state of our moral being
where compassion and brotherly love are no longer the traits we are seeing
hating has become the latest fad it has bloomed into full season
where people just seem to hate on others for no apparent reason
from President Obama to the NY Yankees the hate has grown exponentially
where people hate them for what they've accomplished and what they've come to be
hate is a demonic force it's a full frontal assault of agitation
it usually occurs when someone has started on a divine assignation
it seems to come with the territory as the devil always manifests
whenever someone starts something that is positive and blessed
the devil then gets very busy when it comes to anything done being good
his noxious persona then arises in those who hate on you as if they should
just don't give the haters a chance to harm nor hinder you
just trust in the will of God for it will see you through
in order to handle the haters you need to ascend to a spiritual plane
for to hate like them is a burden that you don't need to sustain
as hate may cause you to lose your way it can obstruct and intervene
so don't allow hate to enter your heart and plant unrighteous seeds
God said no weapon formed against you shall prosper nor prevail
so let God handle the haters and send them straight back to hell
and don't allow the haters to hurt nor humiliate you
stand firm on the word of God for it's foundation is strong and true
now in the midst of your Godly mission continue to stay the course
as God's got more righteousness than the devil has demonic force
now is the time to put on the whole armor of God
to show the haters that you are not faint of heart
now ready, focused, heightened, alert and aware
in a sure and secure position as evil is everywhere
and don't let the haters get too close nor give them the chance to slip in
for they will choke the life out of you and then turn around and grin
as the more they hate on you the more in Christ you will grow
just continue to do a good work in the name of the God we all love and know
how to handle the haters those folks who only want to drag you down
is to let them see the joy of the Lord in you while you're standing on higher ground
Sometimes the memories won’t fade
All the places we have seen
All the prices we have paid
The memories of the happy as well as the sad
The people we’ve lost
The friends that we had
Some memories just seem like a ghost
I always lost everyone that I loved the most
The wind would just carry them away
Along with my tears
And my ability to pray
I wonder how far is heaven from here?
How many more heartaches
How many more tears
I wonder how far it is away
Because I have so many things that I wish to say
To all the people that I loved and I lost
I’m not even tripping
My heart paid the cost
The reaper rode the river in a bikers disguise
I’ll never forget the fear in my mother’s eyes
As he drug her under and then let her go
Through my four year old veins hate started to grow
My eyes were blind my ears were deaf
After that I forgot
There was anything left
Karma is like poker for it is bound to luck
When I was just a boy
God through me under the truck
Of all the things in life we feel
We are all bound to God’s will
Passion is a doorway between love and hate
God is the dealer in the game of fate
Our place is not to question why
For if we do our faith will die
The deeper we hate the deeper we love
I was gifted wisdom by the Lord above
Every gift comes at a price
A world of experience behind my advice
Every smile holds a lifetime of pain
Nothing that happens should happen in vein
It is our choice that which we do
Know in your heart these words are true
The harder we fall the further we climb
No ones life is totally sublime
Illusion after illusion will be offered to you
But only the living word is true
The living word that beats in your heart
Will keep you safe as the world falls apart
Through the pain of a boy watching his mother die
It’s never to late to kiss the sky
A man of faith who could never give up
Please come break my bread and share in my cup
By the time our journey is through
I’ll share all I am with you
Hopefully somewhere in my words you’ll see
---Untwisted is truly the way to be---
I do not know?
I hate it when I'm
told to do
This damn thing
And I hate it
When I don't do it
And am made to
feel a rat!
So what is it that
I hate much more
To do or not to do?
The former is within myself
The latter within me, too!
Is it cause youre small minded Mr jones asks the many voices who once had
repect counting the crows pecking the and gouging out their eyes?
Is it cause you loathe what you dont understand and this revelation is something
they need to see in themselves?
Is it the fact you carry a heavy load and need a helping hand
was it the opium you down like poison that you Jones for
leaving you to ask who i am?
Whats the will I am saying?
as he steals my spotlight
leaving me here assassinated verbally like a sitting duck
sure im no hippy sniffing daisies
pounding on drums in peace beads begging for sex
with a picket sign saying peace please
Is it because im gay?
Is it because im spiritual?
do we have penis envy?
Have you read the lists?
are you going to pay the tithe?
and before you mash the send button with snide cruel bitter comments
don't think twice
the murder of crows circling
cawing in the blood moon sky
November rains down on this wedding day
and I am forever by your side
why does my will
the will i am hate me?
is it a syndrom of an itchy trigger finger
an itch below the waste
why must everyone pull eachother down
back into the boiling pot
like the crabs we truly are in this amazing race
to lose it all
and sing and
sway and praise
and humm such blasphemous amazing grace
of grammatical errors and spelling mistakes
oh sweet sugar coatings
and icing on the cake
The will iam
I wonder counting crows
a famous last name with me
why do you hate the will I am
Is it because i read tarot cards?
is it because i'm gay?
is it because i'm amongst favorites?
is it because im controversial?
is it because you have nothing to say?
but who am i flamethrower
i sit here a hack
with a curse gor the harpie you are
and a smile upon my face
i throw this effortless nothing
and never look back
the stone falls into the pool of the abyss
oh will i am
why do you loathe what you dont understand?
I do not know?
Many nights I've sat typing things for which none will ever read.
Burning midnight oil only to add to this mornings trash.
Then going about the act of pretending it's all good.
Wearing a mask of my own creation.
These long nights of endless confession to empty wall's.
Hollow thoughts from a bitter heart to scared to exist as himself.
The page lay beaten only to be erased.
the circus of life is a deception for after the show when the dust settles
the magic gives way to truth.
Tempers flare and thoose happy clowns appear to be just angry ordinary
people who hate and loath there so called friends.
Dream that it would have all been diffrent if not for this or that.
never taking blame just putting it on others like normal so called adults.
These long nights breed anger and that page takes the punishment
and like a coward I look apon this act of pure thoughtless work.
And second guess myself wishing only for the approval of people who yearn only
for the approval of some one else.
Like hamster in a wheel never getting anywhere.
For who wants to be themself when you can be a watered down version of someone who
wasnt good to start with.
I cant say the comforts of being a clone wouldnt be nice .
But I never did like things that were nice.
Never cared about being on a list or kissing someone's rearend just
to have them talk about me as soon as my back was turned.
Be yourself and cherish thoose who hate for the bitter and cruel amount to
nothing and there only hope is to lure you down there same dead end life.
The clown tries in vain to make you laugh.
The fool doenst know or care if you laugh.
And me Im just the jerk adding to the mornings trash empty
as the page that sit's befor him.
I do not know?
Knowing me now, I take the central target
No matter what it seems that I am lost
I throw away what could maybe save me
I break apart when I need to stand
If I am so much to me, why must I fall down?
To over-think what comes, I’m full of lies
But this self aggression is what I was raised on
Without depression I feel that I’d be gone
With hopes of grandeur and a hope obsession
With lies built up as though there’s no such thing
With hate affliction and a love addiction
I’d be dead before I’d even smiled
Knowing you now and my eyes wide open
I am the phoenix and I’ll take you down
For within this anger lies a desperate child
No matter what he knows he can’t be saved
Despair is over and his dreams forsaken
The ashes rise now and the blame’s on you
When I wake without the mask of laughter
I will scream and I will burn you down
My judge will die now and all words forgotten
I am fire in its purity
Even if you see me I’ll tear your eyes up
Burn you out with no sincerity
I’ll reach your mind and I’ll make it blind now
I’ll find a way to make you hate yourself
I am all of you and more
I’ve seen through everything before
What you feel will gather in me
And with this I will bring you down
I am fear and I am the helpless
If I live, my goals are far too dark
With self destruction and a fading mask now
Give me ears and I will avenge
The self conflictions that avert my eyes here
They’re too far gone now to ever stop
So give me anger and I know I’ll smile
Feed the phoenix and you will get burnt
What can I say about me that you can’t learn within a day?
I was born to be a hopeless romantic,
except I never have any romance in my life
I am a gentleman,
I take my chivalry seriously
I want someone to hold and never let go of,
I want someone who will be there
I want someone who will tell me everything will be okay
I want someone to hold my hand
I find myself surrounded by beautiful girls,
but they always seem to find happiness in somebody else
I’m great at reading the negative signs
I’m terrible at reading the positive ones
I always misinterpret friendship for attraction
or vice versa out of fear of rejection,
out of fear of being mistaken, yet again
I am always, just a friend
I am blessed with the best friends in the world
but, I fear, I might turn my back on them to some extent over a girl
I’m afraid my friends will disappear
finally realizing I’m not worth keeping
finally seeing what I see in myself
but, I hope and pray that they never do
Far too often I wonder
I wonder if I died, if anybody would really care?
I wonder if anybody would really miss me like they say they would were I not
I’m smarter than I’ll admit,
but I still fear I’m not smart enough
I’m afraid I’ll never reach my goals
I’m afraid I’ll never graduate from college,
become a doctor,
meet that one special girl,
and start a family of my own
I’m afraid to let myself down,
but I’m even more afraid of letting down others
I am a people pleaser,
but I’m not sure if I ever really please many people
I like knowing what’s around the bend,
but I don’t enjoy monotony
or spoiled endings
I enjoy having fun,
but I enjoy being serious
I’m easily amused
but I hate stupid things
I write best when I’m depressed,
but I hate feeling that way
Yet I love writing so much,
I just can’t win