What makes the decision
To flick the switch
To end ones life
For the sake of it
Bullied at school
Fork in the road
To let death rule
Daughters and sons
What ever affects them
They just can't outrun
Sadness and tears
By all left behind
Will they ever understand
He called it love and his captivating way,
She called it fear and longed for the day.
All alone she cried those bitter nights,
While he ran around to his hearts delight.
He had her heart he pulled her strings,
All she ever wanted was the joy that only true love can bring.
He controlled her mind, her spirit, her soul,
All alone with no hopes of ever achieving her goals.
Completely stripped of confidence and pride,
She became a victim of his heartless and evil side.
She was hardly a child when he stole her heart,
Lured in to his web with lies and broken promises from the start.
Now all of her dreams have faded away,
As she musters up courage to try to make it through another day.
He has convinced her that what he says is the final word,
No matter what she had read or heard.
You can’t make it out there, alone, is what he said!
You won’t last a week till somebody finds you dead.
So callous and cruel he chose those frightening words to keep her here,
But she had reached the end and leaving was the only way and she saw it clear.
She said you’re right and I should hush so let’s not fight,
But her things were packed, she’d be leaving this night.
He got all dressed and went out to make the town,
She called her a taxi and left that clown.
She broke the bonds that held her there,
Now she’s on her own enjoying life and breathing in this new found air.
This little sparrow has found her wings,
Enjoying everything this life can possibly bring.
Intoxicating was his scent
Many hard-earned dollars were spent
To evoke his bliss
Give him Aramis
Young and poor, we were newleyweds
Memories linger in my head
This scent was so strong
But to him it belonged
And through time I travel today
When e’er Aramis wafts my way
Sad tears gently rise
John’s scent fills my eyes
Another dimension I seek
Longing to hear my husband speak
We'll meet again one day
Faith brings hope my way
*For PD's oldest love poem contest. Poem written for my late husband John.
He is above us in the clouds
run through the fields and speak of thee
He will grow roses
I will be the stem of the roses
for I shall never leave your soil
You will be the tree I grow beneath
and he will be our rain.
Tonight as candles flicker, she is sitting at the table
where her husband sat (before he passed away),
working on his daily crossword puzzles, seeming
most content although the nest they’d pieced
together gradually had emptied and grown quiet.
She remembers when her daughters,
chirruping like little birds, implored her please
to make their favorite cake named as a pie,
her famous Boston Cream.
Then busily she set to mixing butter, eggs; flour;
in other bowls, vanilla cream and chocolate glaze.
They liked it when she brought the china tea cups
from the cupboard and made a little party
just for them. . .
When all her birds had flown away, she tried to
cook and clean, pretending to be busy,
but really she just listened for their calls.
She saw her girls at holidays, but then when
they got married, the phone rang much less often.
And Christmas with them all was something rare.
Monotony hung heavy in the air.
No longer did she feel like baking cakes.
She faced the television while her husband
worked on puzzles and puttered round the house.
It seemed to her an effort just to breathe.
So then she’d go outside, buy groceries,
or stop and watch the children in the park.
A group of older ladies always flocked there
just like robins home for spring, twittering.
They’d beckon her to join them and chat.
But she just smiled, nodded, passed them by,
and wondered what could spark such animation.
For sadness now had settled over her.
It taxed her from her mornings to her nights,
sapping her of any old desires she once had.
And when her husband passed, she had no more
of sorrow left to cry.
So here she sits tonight beside the candles.
She thinks about the women in the park
and how they’d motioned to her just today.
A light inside her mind is flickering.
She rises from her chair, and flips a switch.
Her kitchen fills with light. She goes to where
for many years her cookbook lay untouched.
A harbinger, it opens to the place she’d often gone.
The weight of her dejection strangely lightens.
She gathers her ingredients and thinks about
the ladies; how she hopes they will react
when she gives her invitation, and
how cheerful they will be while sipping tea;
chirruping like girls, like little birds.
A stirring in her bones - this yearning to be free
kindling a rebellion -
the beginning of unburdening;
She starts to make her famous Boston Cream.
My shallow waters have failed to hide
the deeper agony pulsating inside.
I could forgive your lies but not forget.
Do you have remorse, do you feel regret?
Feelings were buried in a shallow grave
as we failed to mend the love God gave.
You failed to speak and I failed to listen,
Fingers are pale where golden bands once glistened.
Broken hearts called to each other refusing to bend.
Not so long ago, I called you my best friend.
Now, I'm left to grieve my failed marriage.
The love we shared, your words disparaged.
I could forgive your lies but not forget.
Where is your remorse or display of regret?
I can no longer burden myself with this shame.
Standing tall, I have given my sorrow a name.
I struggled to save our once happy home,
but you chipped it away when you decided to roam.
So goodbye I shout to you and to failure!
Moving forward, your love is no longer my cure.
My life is becoming a new adventure,
and memories of your face are becoming a blur.
Yes, I could have forgiven your lies, tried to forget,
if your heart felt remorse or just a little regret.
* a work of fiction
For Nailed or Failed Contest (Black Eyed Susan)
PAINFUL LOVE AFFAIR
I love you my lover.
I don't know why?
You are working so hard,
I love you from nine to five.
Soon we both will clock out.
Going to our separate lives.
The lives we always dread about.
At work you give me the attention.
The kind my husband dose not give.
Plain simple kisses with no affection.
At my house that is how I live.
A love affair you did mention.
No more teasing, no more flirting.
Sneaking, and releasing our lust and tension.
We both started accidently caring.
While at work you hold my hand.
We see everyone just staring.
They can't bare to understand,
the two lives we are tearing.
I love the things we talk about.
Around my husband we always shout.
Always thinking we would be together.
Until that one day ,
I feel under the whether
I had to tell you goodbye .
Writing you a last love letter.
Explaining the reason why?
No one can make things better.
All I can do about this is cry.
You said when your wife was in doubt.
About me to her, you did not lie.
My husband after, soon found out.
In that moment, I felt the need to die.
In my face he did more than shout.
About the baby, made him cry.
Relocating us to another route.
Far away where I can never tell you HI.
It's your baby, with no doubt.
The one thing my husband want me to deny.
This love affair I can never talk about.
A painful love affair in my eye.
C heating can ruin a
H appy marriage
E specially when there is
A lienation of affection
T hat deals with someone’s
E motions and can
R uin your love forever.
Bob had been a lonely man ever since
His wife of fifty years had passed.
“Lord, let me join her.” he would pray.
“Let this day be my last.”
Each day, he went to the cemetery,
Just a short walk down the street.
After their talk, he would water her flowers
And hear passers-by whisper, “How sweet.”
One gray and misty morning,
He had hoped for sunnier skies
To plant fall bloomers at her graveside;
But, there, to his surprise…
Stood an old dog beside her stone;
Thin and dirty, but he struck a handsome pose.
He whined as Bob approached, as if to say,
“I could use a friend, you know.”
He sat calmly as Bob planted flowers,
Carefully sniffing each one Bob put in place.
Then, after the last one was planted,
He sniffed it; then turned and licked Bob’s face.
Bob smiled. “I had a dog when I was young…
Pal…he was a mighty good one too.
So, if you don’t mind old fella,
That’s what I’ll call you.”
Pal may have been an old dog,
But he was smart and handsome in his way;
So they made a deal, Bob would give him a meal
And a bath, if he decided to stay.
Pal loved his bath, then rolled in the grass.
He slept on a blanket in the den.
In the night, he dragged it next to Bob’s bed.
He intended to be Bob’s best friend.
Pal was such a good dog, housebroken too;
Never made a mess or got in trouble.
He knew about newspapers, slippers and Frisbees;
And when Bob called, he ‘d come on the double.
Yes, Pal gave Bob’s life new purpose.
A special bond of friendship was cast.
And never again did Bob pray,
“Lord, let this day be my last.”
For twelve years, the very best of friends,
Together night and day;
And so it was, until one night,
Both quietly passed away.
The next morning, an old woman,
Tears welling in her sad and lonely eyes,
Brought flowers to her husband’s grave;
But there, to her surprise….
Stood an old dog beside the stone,
Thin an dirty, but he struck a handsome pose.
He whined as she approached, as if to say,
“I could use a friend, you know.”
He sat calmly as she took old flowers
And put fresh ones in their place.
He carefully sniffed the fresh ones,
Then turned and licked her face.
She smiled. “I had a dog when I was young...
a good one too. His name was Pal.”
Obsessed with the thought of you
wondering if it's only me or
if you sometimes remember the sweet things you've said
and if you meant them how I took them
or if I'm just obsessed with what's in your head
Obsessed with your very sentences
Every response I take personal
I know it's selfishness
Have you not noticed my eyes?
They hold secrets that only you can unlock
if you'd just take time to fill the thick juices of my pride
It's just boiling with lust, passion, trust and distrust
and other things I obsess over so much
I find myself writing to free myself from this prison I've created
where only you and I reside
I become confused about what I'm really feeling inside and I
try to rid the thoughts that are highly debated as false and I
begin to cry and
think of casting love spells so that the universe can deliver this affair
I know it's unfair
but I don't care
I'm obsessed with what hasn't happened between us
I'm obsessed with your heart and that the fact that
I don't think you've even noticed my selfish innuendos
and secret undertones that blatantly express my lust
Or maybe you have and you calmly remain in resistance of distrust
If you could only read my mind by simply touching my fingertips,
I'm sure I'd catch you out the corner of my eye biting your bottom lip
I'm obsessed with the passion and thoughts I think you have
Obsessing over an experience that I may never have....
Upon this dark and sunny day,
Kneeling by your flowery display
My teardrops fall like dripping dew,
Remembering my time with you.
Cold hard stone is all that is left
To warm my heart that’s lost, bereft.
Today our life had just begun,
When in a moment, it was done.
I lay, in sorrow, by your side,
Forever yours, your mournful bride.
You are a million miles away
thinking of you I am today.
I want to write to tell you so,
although i'm sure you already know.
My body may be far away,
but my heart is what will always stay.
True love is very hard to find,
but you my dear, are one of a kind.
I've found a love so pure and true,
loyal and honest , that is you.
I am proud to say we belong together,
no matter the distance, our love will not sever.
and when we're together again you'll see,
so happy, together, forever we'll be!
Once again, the powers that must
In rise again in what we trust
An overseas conflict, another war
Just what in the hell are we fighting for
Families are asking, Korea has just passed
Generations again reft, how long will it last
A country in need, to rebuild again
Flags at half mast, in wind and rain strain
Once again into war, sent by the Washington Post
To send back reports to hit home the most
Military observers were the first to be sent in
Another chapter of man entering existing sin
I'm witnessing our ariel power, Lam Son 719
US planners determine their incursion, saying all will be fine
Along the Mekong River, we'll carpet bomb their supply trail
Tons of munitions and napalm, this spread surely cannot fail
Many sorties are being flown, for the wounded and the dead
Whilst Nixon and his cronies, aren't thinking with their heads
The news of losses has reached me, nineteen have been killed
Eleven missing, fifty nine wounded, more American blood spilled
Seven fixed wing aircraft, more sons in action loss
Whilst back at home more protests, fading the dyeing's gloss
To to this job that I do, I was never prepared for this
To witness such bloody scenes, and ignore that life is bliss
How can I write about a soldier, whose name I'll never know
Killed at nineteen years old, his family he'll never see grow
Or even explain to his parents, when carried from the AH-1
His body bullet riddled and limp, when lifted it bloodily run
I never went back to the theatre, called the Vietnam War
Having witnessed the wanton killing, what were we fighting for
This colonial conflict that started, us on the side of France
So many came back as strangers, many to live in trance
James Fraser's entry into the contest " WORLD OF WAR: VIETNAM "
Even though you sit so close to me
Seems together happy we could never be
As hard I try to get you close
I get pricked by the thorn of the stem of a rose
Your tear drop feels like a thousand pins
I’d rather burn to ashes for my countless sins
You’re a Lily on the water, to get you I try
But as soon as I come close, the pond runs dry
Try as much I would never understand
The pain you feel as i leave your hand
I want to tell you that every moment I miss
The love that we had at the time of our first kiss
I hope that someday will surely come
When our love will every strife overcome
I hope that someday our hearts will surely meet
Till then like the crescent moon I’ll remain incomplete
On a slope graced with green
White marble stands in proud salute
For beneath these engraved pillars of memory
Lie the resting places of heroes
A solitary green fir looks down
As if sheltering the lost and the taken
So many names, from all walks of life
A father, brother a girlfriend or wife
On a sunny day, they glow radiant like their lives
On a dull day, they stand out against the greys
For the living, life goes on
Tomorrow is another day
Singing happy song
Love in its purity bonding
Daddy slips into the arms of another woman
Such tender whispers waft on salty air
On foggy mornings waves are brushed in gray
I hear you then as winds caress my hair
Your murmur’s soft, but I know what you mean
The day will soon come when we live as one
You know I miss the sea scent in your clothes
Our earthly union – life had just begun
You asked for “waders;” I said, “What are those?”
On morns like this I put your waders on
Reach out and search in misty sea for you
The realms separate us will be gone
To vows we made so long ago, I'm true
My lover, teacher, mentor and best friend
The bond between our souls will never end
*This is an English sonnet
Entry for Debbie and Cyndi's Sonnet contest
Dedicate to my late husband
Written January 15, 2012 for Francine’s “4 forms, 4 themes” contest
Theme: Lost Love
I went back into that dark, dark place
Were demons dwell
Lives are taken away
Through the pain
Through the tears
You were there and kept me near.
You saved my life by loving me;
Your silent strength was the key.
Gentle touches and silent words
Let me know that love was the cure.
Depression is my evil curse,
When it planted the seed of death
Your love washed it away
Gave me the strength
To seek the help I needed to keep it at bay.
I’ve walked that dark path so many times
I’ve done lost track,
Things have change
And God’s given me a special tool
To help me through,
I have you and Joshua too,
Rooted deeper is the knowledge
Both of you want me to stay a little longer.
So like a drug addict that has lost their way
I start the road back to brighter days,
There are not enough words to say
I Love You
In every way
May God bless us ever day.
Trust, Was A Bridge, Between Us
Now, Blown To Bits and Dust !
Scattered Upon Waters of Fear
Too Far Down, To Bring Near
Trust, Was The Bridge, Between Us
Tottering and Unsafe, Due To Rust
Its Base, Was Sinking and Cracked
Cables Snapped, No Getting Back !
Trust, Was A Bridge, Between Us
Used To Stand-Up To Raging Gusts !
We Could Cross Over To Either Side
Hold Onto The Girders … And Stride
Trust, Was The Bridge, Between Us
Repairing It Now … Is A Bust !
So, Can This RelationShip, Sail To Both Shoals
Build A New Bridge, With A Higher Toll ?
… Trust … Is A Bridge, Between Us
Guard It Well … This Time, Is A Must …
Life without her soldier lover
Years in which she’ll not recover
From the news she got today
That her husband’s MIA
Not a trace of wreckage found
Just a note – his plane’s gone down
Now she’ll raise the kids alone
In a house not quite a home
Her husband just a memory
In her life that used to be
With ample amber liquid yet
She’ll try her best then to forget
My name is James, born 1961
In Inverness, a small Scots town
To my father Andrew, and my mother Beryl
And Billy my brother, a pair of devils
In 67, we woke one night
Our house was ablaze, full of orange light
Our neighbour next door, for whatever reason
Started a fire, it must be crazy season
We had too move to a caravan park
By this time it,s three, to make a new start
My mother Beryl decide to leave
But the three of us left, never bothered to grieve
In the next few weeks, we ended in court
Two small children, in a marriage abort
We were asked to choose either Dad or Mum
But we ignored the parent, who went on the run
As we left the court, to start a new life
We felt sorry for Dad, as his illness was rife
He never told us that he was unwell
It would upset one of his boys, as the future will tell
Then came the night all parents dread;
Being told one of his boys is nearly dead
We were going to a boys club, on a Monday night
My brother was running so far out of sight
I turned the corner to see him ahead
No!! he's been hit by a van, Boom's Boom's dead
I ran to my father, sreaming and crying
I'm finding my life,at 7 - far too trying
After the funeral, and with my father unwell
We left Inverness, our eyes a swell
To go as two, and not three as before
It's like Mother Nature closed a door
So we headed west, to a place called Fort William
Was it in the stars, cause Billy " is " William
We moved there, as the air was so pure
Hoping my father will find his cure
For whatever reason, we left the above
We found no Angel or peaceful dove
So we headed back to Inverness
Fathers health decreasing, life still a stress
Over the next few years, i was fostered and loaned
In couples houses and children's homes
It was really strange in all those places
Different people, different faces
Then on the 16th of Feb - 76,
James, i was told, your dads very sick.
The cancer had taken your father away
To be with Billy, where you'll join them one day
In 77, i joined the Navy, as i promised my dad you see.
I did'nt enjoy it, i decided to leave
Back up north, where my futures to be
I wanted to have, what my parents had lost
And that was my aim, no matter the cost
see page 2 of 2, ty..
Your love scrambled my heart as if it were a three egg omelet
Breaking the shell of my soul till it crumbled
I am trying so hard just to forget
My inner self tumbled, bumbled
I felt shuffled
I feel ruffled
I would rather baste than forget
Or fry if our times you regret
My love muffled
My emotions coupled
Left with no appeal
Spending time, letting my soul heal
They started married life so much in love
and such eager expectations.
The future was theirs to live with verve,
while tasting of the world's treasures.
But then the secrecies began
along with raging words of anger.
The days all ran together as
time closed the empty pages.
Gone is the sweetness of the past and
gone as well her ardent lover.
She huddles in a darkened room,
hoping she won't be discovered.
He's quiet now, she rises
to bathe her swollen eyes.
He'll awaken of course to say he's sorry
but she's heard it too often before.
Their happiness in the past,
was perhaps only a wishful mirage.
Her love has turned to pain and fear
that can't be borne forever.
Swiftly she packs an overnight
to slip away while he's still sleeping.
This time for sure she tells herself,
she won't go back again.
For John's "Jaded Love" contest
Around that table, picture the scene
Self appointed leaders if you know what I mean
What were the topics on the Agenda that day
The Jewish race is about to pay
Who gave the right for this decision that's made
Who has the right to cleanse and degrade
To decide who lived, to decide who dies
Another chapter, I still wonder why
They came in the day they came in the night
Women and children pulled out of sight
Herded aboard like cattle and sheep
Many a family awoke from their sleep
Dazed and confused as they are taken away
Where will they be at the end of the day
From their warm houses and their warm beds
What must be going through their heads
As they travel through days and through the night
Up ahead, they see lots of lights
They depart the trucks and board the train
Their faces scared under the strain
Asking questions from family and others
Generations, sisters and brothers
Why are we here, where are we going
Windowless carriages with no way of knowing
We come to a stop, soldiers aplenty
Towers and wire, topped with sentries
What can this place be they have taken us to
As we head to large gates as they shuffle us through
Families separated, herded in file
Women and children, not one did smile
Taken to rooms where our heads were shaved
Is this the way humans behaved
Clothes discarded, as we enter the shower
No signs of water no signs of power
Doors slammed as we are all crammed in
History will recall this evil of sins
As we stand in the dark, chanting Jewish faith
Can hear the voices can't see the face
Noises above, do the showers start
The event has begun that tells us Humans apart
Questions and sighs, as walled vents show daylight
Some thing is falling then their slammed tight
A strange aroma starts to fill the air
As all around are screams of despair
Twenty minutes have passed and the quietness is rife
Two thousand people, two thousand lives
Pellets called HCN, or Hydrogen Cyanide
Contribute to this Genocide
After the quiet we all have to go
Dragged and carted by the Sonderkommando
To be dumped in pits covered by lime
A race to dispose by it's Human slime
Auschwitz, Buchenwald & Dachau slaughtered
Many a son, many a daughter
Experiments on children women and men
Some aged 90, many under 10
In 45, their end was near, how many alive would reappear
As Russians, British and US troops
Chased the Hun to their German roots
Each camp reached showed it's sordid past
Where millions of me, were massively gassed
In Auschwitz, to this present day
Birds don't fly, no animals play
The reminder is all for there to see
Those terrible days what happened to me
It's 1948, our Nation is born
From histories past, populations torn
To all who survived I wish you well
And our new born world, called Israel
He lives on his own
Far away from life
In a sheltered glen
Since he lost his wife
Nothing can replace
The previous years that he had
It was timeless and loving
He now lives alone and sad
Surrounded by emptiness
Just like his heart
His family is now nature
Life at sixty, his new start
In a run down bothy
On the Cairngorms, above Aviemore
The Scottish countryside consoles him
His heart now a lonely sore
Everyday when he awakes
He thinks of his dear wife
Out of the window he looks
Out there is his life
He lives of the land
The best he can
Sometimes he heads into town
A lost looking man
The years have passed by
He still lives on his own
His loss finally accepted
Into his lonliness, he has grown
I can’t cry
Tears won’t fall
Dried up forever
A built up wall
You can’t hurt me
I’m too numb to feel
The lash of your sting
This time it’s real
I’ve lost the ambition
And drive to do right
I’ve lost the admiration
And the will to fight
I can’t cry
My tears have disappeared
I can’t give you back
What you stole over the years
© Stacy Lynn Stiles
I have a secret, I cannot let you know.
I’m sorry I lied; I DON’T want you to go.
Those cruel words, were not how I feel,
just a defense, to forget what was real.
Portraying I’m strong, with a will to thrive,
yet without you I’m lost, I don’t feel alive.
Words hurt worse, than punches thrown.
I’m out of control, in this viscous cyclone.
So many times, you let me off the hook,
for my malicious outbursts and nasty looks.
I’ve used my disease as an excuse to abuse.
Flying amidst this mania, recourse I refuse.
The patience you bear, is reflective enough,
as is your wisdom, still my heart is so rough.
I want to open up and bear my entire soul,
I’m afraid all you’ll see is a shallow, empty hole.
I know it was never you that gave up on us,
it was this woman you married, me in disgust.
If I could repair my mind and fix the wrongs,
I’d say you’re at home, where you belong.
But we both know the truth, I’m a lost cause.
I prey on your weaknesses and all your flaws.
I’ll take full responsibility for all that I am…….
And remember our love, was my biggest sham….
I do not know?
when a man says that he love a woman
what does he mean
when he says that without you he is nothing
is that really how it seems
how can a man say he wants you
and not touch you
how can a man love you
and not care about your needs too
how do you know when to let go
and how do you know if a relationship is making you strong
when you get married no one tells you that you often feel alone
but they're quick to say don't give up on love just hold on
right now I feel so confused
because, love has got me feeling so blue
often I think about having an affair
because he treat's me like I'm not here
should I stay so my child can have a family
and is it selfish of me to say I’m unhappy
is it wrong of me to give up on my marriage
and want to find comfort in another man
Oh to be just a friend
To laugh, joke and play with you
Is not something
I know how to do
Oh how I wish it were
For it’d sure eliminate
All this pain I feel
Sometimes it happens
That starting off fun
Turns into something real
And what was meant to make you laugh
Turns into tears
That seem to take
Life’s breath away
Leaving you to feel
Like there’s so much left to say
If only this, if only that
If I only could, if you only would
So many tricks of the mind
As we try to find
Justification for holding on
To what should be freed
So we can move on
Yet we hold out hope
In each accidental hello
That tides will turn
Though they have long washed away
It’s just the way of life
And how love burns
Until we learn
The difference in what we feel
And that which is real